The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s06e07 Episode Script

[BOTH LAUGH.]
[IN UNISON.]
Aw [YAWNS.]
[ASHLEY LAUGHS.]
Stop.
Why? Derek, stop.
Okay.
Why'd you stop? I lost my head.
You know, Ash, it's been great being back in town visiting all the colleges but the best part has been being with you.
Oh.
I miss you.
Me too.
Sixteen years on the same street and you had to blow it by moving.
If I don't get into Stanford, I'll go to ULA.
And then I'll be around all the time.
Derek, you'll get in.
You're too smart.
I wish you were dumber.
I'd have a boyfriend again.
Hey, you never stopped having one.
- You're saying that because you like me.
- No.
I'm saying that because I love you.
Aw! Look at you two.
Almost a year apart and you two lovebirds haven't missed a beat.
DEREK: Will, look - Not another word.
I'm not gonna disturb you.
I'm gonna just go in the kitchen and get me a little beverage or something.
Although, these are the moments of your life.
- Will.
- Oh, no, no, you're right.
You guys are grown adults and I don't have no business disrespecting you like this.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna just go away.
[CAMERA WHIRRS.]
- I'm sorry.
- Hey.
I got something for you.
- Oh, Derek, what is it? - Just open it.
Oh, a little horse.
Yep.
That's from when we rode the carousel down at the pier.
- That's when we first held hands.
- Uh-uh-uh.
Oh, ha, ha, my God, a little Rollerblade.
Eh? Remember when we went roller skating down in Venice? That's when we first kissed.
Derek, this is so sweet.
I can't believe you did this.
You know, we've had a lot of firsts together.
I know.
You know, Ashley, there's a There's another first I think we should do together.
Really? What? Well, I love you, Ashley, and I think we should make love.
Together? [SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME.]
Good morning, Geoffrey.
Playing dress-up again, Master Carlton? For your information, I'm installing the new intercom system.
You? [LAUGHING.]
Yuck it up, Brit boy, but remember, he who laughs last [YELPS.]
Laughs best.
[LAUGHING.]
You know, I kind of remember him being taller.
Really? I don't.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Excuse me, Carlton.
CARLTON: I'm gonna let that one slide, young man.
Obviously, you've fallen in with a bad element.
Derek, I'm telling you, you'd love ULA.
You gotta come down and check it out.
- Me and my man, we call it the Hive.
- Hmm? Because the honeys be swarming.
- Can you hear me? - Oh.
Can you hear me? Oh, hi, Derek.
DEREK: Oh, hi, Ashley.
That's disgusting.
No.
Actually, Carlton, that's a kiss.
If you're lucky, one day you'll experience one.
Very funny.
By the way, Will, I just got a call from Oz the Wizard said your brain is ready.
So, Ash, we're still on for tonight, right? Yeah.
What are you, tripping, man? She can't say no to you.
- Will.
- What? That's great.
I gotta go do a couple errands.
I'm out of here.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm watching you, mister.
Really? Let me help you.
[WILL CHUCKLES.]
I never liked the cut of that boy's jib.
I'm not sure you should be admitting you've been looking at that boy's jib.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, baby.
- Um, has Mom called yet? - Yeah, you just missed her.
- Is there something I can help you with? - No.
No.
I just wanted to see how her conference was going.
I had a question about, uh Um Makeup, heh.
Makeup? Keep away from that blue eye shadow.
[LAUGHING.]
Great.
Thanks, Dad.
Hilary, can I talk to you for a minute? Not now, Ash, my show starts in five minutes.
Uh-oh.
Big-sister radar.
It's important, isn't it? I can tell.
I have, like, a third sense about these things.
Hilary, do you remember the first time you fell in love? Oh, this is important.
Ha, ha.
Come.
Come.
Come.
Sit.
Sit.
Sit.
It was Lawrence Young, the most beautiful man at Bel-Air Prep.
Oh! To put it simply, he was a god.
He had been held back three years so he was really buff.
- Oh, he had the most amazing - Hilary.
Hilary.
Hilary, I get the picture.
Oh, Ashley, are you in love? I think so.
I feel like Derek's the one.
I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anybody else.
Oh, Ash, I am so happy for you.
But long-distance relationships don't usually work out.
I mean, look at the Little Mermaid.
I mean, she was stuck in the sea and he was stuck on land.
But they ended up together.
Yeah, with the help of a lobster.
You know a lobster? Look, Hilary, Derek and I have been spending a lot of time together and we really care about each other.
And last night, the subject came up about, um uh, sex.
Oh.
- Oh, did you? - No, no.
No, heh.
But I've been thinking about it and I just wanna know how you know if I can just tell you that for me, Lawrence and I really loved each other and we both felt that we were able to make a responsible decision.
We decided that the time was right.
Any regrets? Didn't I tell you he was buff? Hello.
[HILARY LAUGHS.]
But, I mean, Hilary, weren't you scared? Of course, everyone is.
But I was ready.
And only you know if you're ready or not.
Ashley, for as long as I can remember, you have been independent responsible and smart.
Now, I know you're aware of all the issues and whatever decision you do make, I'm always here for you.
Thank you, Hilary.
HILARY: Oh.
Hoo! Now I know how Mom felt when we had this talk.
- What did Daddy say when you told him? - Are you kidding? He still thinks I'm a virgin.
Okay, what do you think? [IN UNISON.]
Nope.
Well, if you guys don't pick one, I'll be going on this date wearing a headband.
I'm sure Derek wouldn't mind.
Keesha, he's not like that.
He says we're soul mates.
I don't know what I'm gonna do when he leaves.
I miss him already.
Somebody is in love.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
So, um, are you guys, you know? No.
Have you guys ever? [IN UNISON.]
Nope.
But it sounds like you're getting close.
Well, all I know is when Derek and I make love, it'll be special.
- When? - lf.
Will, the new intercom system is working like gangbusters.
Now we can talk to one another from different rooms.
I don't wanna talk to you when we're in the same room.
Check out the exciting new roam feature.
Let's listen to my room.
Well, all's quiet in there.
Oh, there's a surprise.
Subject: Geoffrey's room.
GEOFFREY [OVER INTERCOM.]
: I wonder how I'd look if I shaved my entire body.
Changing channels.
KEESHA [OVER INTERCOM.]
: If you and Derek have sex you'll be the first one in our group to lose her virginity.
Derek is leaving tomorrow.
So are you gonna do it? Keesha, it's not "doing it.
" It's making love.
[OVER INTERCOM.]
And, yes, I think we're gonna do it tonight.
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do? This is what we're gonna do, we're gonna stop listening.
You're right.
Enough listening, time for action.
She needs de-programming.
We'll make her watch movies.
Lots of movies.
Doris Day movies.
Now, there's a good wholesome role model.
[SINGING.]
Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be Wait a minute.
"Whatever will be, will be"? What kind of devil-may-care message is that? - The slut.
- Okay, Carlton.
Carlton.
Look, you need to calm down, all right? Look, we need to find a Yellow Pages.
I'm calling a nunnery.
It's late, so I'll need a 24-hour one.
Carlton, man, we ain't even Catholic.
Oh! Would you have an open mind? Carlton, are you listening to yourself? I don't have time for that.
I know, we'll do the good-cop, bad-cop thing.
I'm her brother so it's appropriate I play the bad cop.
- No, Carlton - Okay, big baby.
You can be the bad cop.
- Let's move.
- Carlton.
Carlton.
What is? What is wrong with you? Would you unhand me? You gonna go upstairs and make a fool out of yourself? If need be.
Someone has to stop the insanity.
This is all your fault.
"Ashley could never say no to you.
" I told you I didn't like the cut of his jib.
Now, are you gonna be the bad cop or not? - Look, Carlton - Oh! Come here.
Now listen, ain't nobody gonna be no cop and ain't nobody going upstairs because we wasn't suppose to hear what she said.
Need I remind you there are demons out there that go by the name of: Sexually transmitted diseases, risk of pregnancy improper use of a condom? - You'd have us do nothing? - I didn't say we ain't gonna do nothing.
- Well, then what do you propose we do? - You'll know as soon as I can figure out [SCREAMS THEN LAUGHS.]
- How y'all doing? ASHLEY: Hi.
- Is Derek here yet? - Oh.
- He ain't coming.
- What? Yeah, it was a big accident, you know, out on the 605.
Yeah, a jackknifed big rig, you know, spilled out a big load of, uh Jackknives.
- Hey, everybody, what's up? - Hey! What's happening? Thank God you're alive.
- We're gonna take off.
- Okay.
- Have fun.
- See you, guys.
Bye.
I'm gonna go get a sweater.
I'll be right back.
Yeah, Ashley, that's a good idea.
Go get a sweater.
You know, to - So, what's up, man? - What's up, man? You think me and Carlton can have a word with you for a second here? - What's going on? - We're asking the questions here, pally.
- So, Derek, you know about football? - Yeah.
Yeah, you do? Or, yeah, you don't? Are you familiar with the term "offsides"? Oh, yeah.
That's when somebody crosses the line too soon.
[IN UNISON.]
Exactly.
So I can see you know what I'm talking about here then.
No.
No, you do? Or, no, you don't? Carlton.
Let's put it this way.
You're rounding third base and you're headed for home.
You're excited because you think you're about to score easy.
Here's the problem.
You're in a visitor's ballpark and if you do score the angry fans might not be able to be held responsible for their actions.
And it's bat night.
All right, are you two in trouble with a bookie or something? - Let's stop beating around the bush.
- Hey, man.
You're playing chess, your rook has been blindsided by the queen's gambit.
You can play honorably, leave your bishop at home but protect your queen's virtue or you can take the sleazy road and castle your king and go right for the mate.
And it's bat night.
Do I make myself clear? ASHLEY: Ready to go, Derek? WILL: What's up? We were just saying hi.
- Definitely.
Let's go.
- Okay.
Oh, Carlton? Why don't you, uh, take Derek outside see if his lights and his horns is working on the car? I'm gonna talk to Ashley.
My lights? Wha? Will, that's enough.
Now, what's going on? [CHUCKLES.]
What's going on? That's a very intelligent question, Ashley.
"What's Going On.
" That's a Marvin Gaye song too.
Good night, Will.
Ashley, no! Ashley, don't do it.
Do what? Me and Carlton were roaming on this stupid intercom and we roamed right into your conversation and we heard what you said about you and Derek.
You were spying on me? Ashley, now spying, that's such an ugly word.
We were roaming.
I can't believe you guys invaded my privacy.
Oh, but, Ashley First of all, how dare you listen to my conversation? Second of all, it is none of your business.
- None of my business? - Right.
This is my life.
I decide what I do or don't do.
You know, I would expect this from Carlton but not you.
Uh You haven't said a word all the way up here.
Did I do something? Oh, no, no.
So, what's going on? Carlton and Will listened to me and my friends having a really private conversation.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
They heard me saying some things that I just didn't want them to hear.
- Like what? - Just some stuff.
Well, what kind of stuff? Stuff about, um, me and you.
Oh, good stuff? Yeah.
They heard me telling my friends that, um That I wanted you to be my first.
Did you mean that? You think you're ready? Well, if you are.
- Are you? - Sure.
Uh I guess.
Ashley, it sounds to me like you're not too sure.
Well, does it bother you that you're leaving tomorrow? Well, yeah.
Does it bother you? I think it does.
Would you rather not do this? I just never thought my first time would be with someone who was leaving me.
- What if we never see each other again? - Ash, we'll see each other again.
Then we really don't have to rush.
I'm sorry.
Baby, you don't have to apologize to me.
[SIGHS.]
So, heh, what do you wanna do now? I don't know.
Miniature golf? Let's do it.
Golf.
- Ashley.
- Back off, Will.
You telling me to back off, girl? Hold up.
Now, this is me.
We always used to be able to talk about anything.
Talk.
Well, you know, I just wanna say that I'm sorry that we invaded your privacy.
- I can't believe you did that.
- I know.
I said it was wrong.
It's just hard for me to accept the fact that you're doing the You know, that you're gonna be [CHOKES.]
you know.
I mean, I know you're cute, it's just that - Will, let's just forget about it.
- Well, no.
No.
I can't forget about it.
In my eyes, you still the little girl that used to follow me around all the time.
Now you wearing dresses and got makeup and the whole nine.
It's just It makes me uncomfortable to know that you're having [WHISPERS.]
a sex life.
Fine.
Be uncomfortable.
[SIGHS.]
[GROANS.]
Look, Will I didn't do anything.
I mean I love Derek.
And I thought I was ready but I'm not.
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
You know, for a minute, just for a minute I forgot how smart you are.
I guess I kind of panicked a little bit.
Yeah.
You remember the first time I asked you about sex? You panicked then too.
I did not.
Yes, you did.
You said that you needed to have a license to have sex and that I couldn't even take the test until I was 35.
That's true.
Well I guess it's not the worst thing in the world to have a cousin who cares too much.
[WHISPERS.]
All right, come here.
CARLTON [OVER INTERCOM.]
: That was so beautiful.