Bewitched (1964) s06e08 Episode Script

You'd think they'd invent a device for doing this.
They have.
It's called a "daddy.
" You're sure that none of your relatives are liable to pop in? Darrin, I told you, they're invited to a masked ball in Tasmania.
It's the event of the year.
They're all going.
You know, you're turning purple.
And it's not your best colour.
- Hiya, Sammy.
- Hi there, Uncle Arthur.
- Hey, weren't you invited to the ball? - No, the Count's still sore at me, 'cause the last time I was there I nailed one of his shoes to the floor as a joke.
- That's funny? - It was when I gave him a hot foot.
In fact, it was a scream.
Sure.
Anyway, I'd much rather come to Tabitha's birthday party.
I love parties.
I'm just a kid at heart, you know.
Yes.
You've made that abundantly clear through the years.
Don't start with me, fella, 'cause in a battle of wits, you're unarmed.
Here's one for you, Sammy.
A famous character in history.
Give up? Napoleon Balloon-apart.
Sam, it took me over an hour to blow up those balloons.
What a waste of hot air.
Uncle Arthur, Tabitha is on the patio.
She's setting up the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game.
- Would you like to help her? - Love to.
- No hard feelings? - Of course not.
- For a mortal, you have very few faults.
- Well, thanks.
But you certainly make the most of the ones you do have.
Boy, what a couple of stiffs.
Oh, well.
Tabitha? Your favourite uncle's here.
- Hey, you're doing very well.
- Gee, thanks.
I'm crazy about cutting out paper tails.
He already messed up two of them.
Squealer.
Just for that, I have a good mind not to give you your present.
Please, Uncle Arthur, please.
Where is it? Right here.
Happy birthday, princess.
- It's empty.
- Of course.
It's a wish box.
Whatever you wish for, you'll find inside.
Uncle Arthur, I remember.
You gave me one of those for my sixth birthday.
Yeah.
You were the only kid on the block with a pin-striped unicorn.
I'll get it.
Hello.
Hi, Larry.
Hi, Darrin.
I'm in a bit of a jam.
A.
J.
Sylvester just called and he's coming up to look at your layouts for the new campaign.
Larry, I told you a long time ago about Tabitha's birthday party.
Can't you stall him until tomorrow? I could do some magic.
I could show them some tricks they'd never forget.
That's what I'm afraid of.
All right.
I could do those dumb tricks magicians do, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.
That's what I'm gonna wish for, a bunny.
A little cottontail bunny.
I wish for a little cottontail bunny.
Well, where'd that come from? Uncle Arthur gave it to me for my birthday.
Oh, yeah? Sweetheart, guess what? Uncle Arthur's gonna put on a show for the kids.
A magic show.
You mean a witchcraft show, don't you? Who's gonna know the difference? Me.
So forget it.
If misery were snow, fella, you'd be a blizzard.
Here.
Now look over here.
Everybody turn around.
Okay.
There.
Good.
There we go.
Okay, we're gonna start the magic show now.
Now everybody on this side of the room, - go sit over here.
- Here.
Sit over here.
- Here, let me move this.
- You two get up there.
Okay? - You want to hold your rabbit? Come on.
- All right.
Come on, rabbit.
Now, just let it sit.
There.
Now Robert, it isn't polite to punch Annabelle in the stomach.
Where should I punch her? These kids could scare a tribe of head-hunters.
- Can you get that, sweetheart? - Sure.
I'll take it in the den.
Good luck.
- Hello.
- Darrin, it's me.
Larry? Can you speak up? No, I can't.
I just stepped out of the office to call you.
Sylvester's in there and, buddy, it's murder.
- He's in a terrible frame of mind.
- What's the matter? Well, apparently, his girlfriend dumped him, and he's miserable.
Then why don't you take him out and buy him a drink? Well, you're pretty casual about the whole thing, I must say.
Well, what do you want me to do, cut my throat? Hello? I'm thinking it over.
Look, Larry, I've got to go.
Goodbye.
Remind me to put Stephens on the "B" list for Christmas.
I will now do my famous ring trick.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
That's not it.
Before your very eyes, I shall join these three rings.
Voilà! There's nothing tougher than a matinee audience.
What'd I do? This is ridiculous.
I know, sweetheart, but the kids love him.
All right now, kiddies.
Are you ready for the big one? - Larry.
Mr Sylvester.
- Darrin.
I've convinced Mr Sylvester that only you can do justice to these layouts.
Could we have a little quiet, please? Samantha's uncle is entertaining the kids.
Come on in.
All right now, kiddies.
Are you ready for the big one? Is your uncle a professional? Well, you might call him a professional amateur.
Now would you believe that behind this cloth is a little cotton-tailed bunny? - No.
- No.
Yes.
Keep it up, kid.
You'll make a terrific toadstool.
All right now.
If you're ready Close your fingers and cross your eyes.
Get ready for a big surprise.
The rain is dry.
The night is sunny.
Hold and below, a cottontail bunny! I asked for a cottontail bunny, not a cocktail bunny.
Pretty.
I say, it's a pretty good trick, isn't it? One of the cutest tricks I ever saw.
Yeah.
Well, if you think that's something, wait till you see him make her disappear.
- Right, Uncle Arthur? - Right.
Right.
Okay, kids.
Get ready for the big disappearing act.
Close your fingers and cross your eyes.
Get ready for a new surprise.
Bats in the belfry, pigs in a poke, lose this bunny before I choke! Uncle Arthur, this is no time to kid around.
Who's kidding? Okay, kids.
The show's over.
Now, everybody into the dining room for ice cream and cake.
Come on.
All right.
Be careful now.
Okay.
Everybody have what they want? That's good.
Now just enjoy your ice cream and cake.
Yes.
Don't just stand there.
Send her back to the nearest Playboy Club.
What's the matter with you, Sammy? She's not a Playboy bunny.
It's Tabitha's rabbit.
I don't care what it is.
Just change it back into what it was.
Don't get shook, Sammy, but there's something wrong with my powers.
Terrific.
I'd like to go over these layouts with you.
- Well, sure, but what's wrong with later? - Yeah, later, Darrin.
I want to talk to that fellow about that girl.
I mean, about that trick.
- But, Mr Sylvester - Later, Darrin.
Cool it.
- I sure would like to know how you did that.
- So would I.
Uncle Arthur means that if he told you, then you'd know his secret.
I hope you're not gonna make this pretty young lady disappear.
Well, this is Bunny.
Bunny, Uncle Arthur's assistant.
Mr Tate.
- Hi.
- And Mr Sylvester.
Hi.
My, this certainly is a fun party.
Mr Sylvester, I'd really like to go over these layouts with you because I think in the long run you're May I ask, how long will you be staying? I don't know.
Sam, don't you think you should take Bunny somewhere so she could change? Oh.
Yes.
But I have to serve some more ice cream.
- Okay, then why don't I take Bunny - On second thought, Uncle Arthur can serve the ice cream.
Okay, kiddies.
Here comes Uncle Arthur.
Stuff yourselves.
- Well, why does she have to change? - Yeah, why? I liked the other outfit better.
Yes, but I think this one is safer.
Besides, as soon as they've left, we're gonna put you back in your own little fur coat.
I don't care.
I'm going to have some fun while it lasts.
Okay.
Just stop doing what comes naturally.
Well, that didn't take long.
Bunny's a quick-change artist, you know.
I'm quick at everything.
May I say what a sensational dress that is.
Do you really like it? I'm afraid it's a little tight.
Nonsense.
It looks like it was made for you.
It was.
All right.
Who's the wise guy who dropped the ice cream on my shoe? Sounds like he needs help.
Excuse me.
How come you have such funny little ears? All right, Uncle Arthur.
I'll take over here.
Where are you going? I thought I'd talk to Sylvester about the layouts.
- I mean, isn't that why he came over? - Will you stop with the layouts? Why don't you go out and see if you can get Bunny to leave? Why? Got you.
Sammy, I don't know how you do it.
This party's taken more out of me than a hard game of elephant polo.
All right.
Who's the wise guy who dropped the ice cream on my shoe? Why are you so uptight? At least it's taken his mind off his problems with his girlfriend.
- They're gone.
- What? Excuse me, Larry.
Hi, sweetheart.
- Now don't get excited.
- I'm already excited.
What's wrong? The lovebirds have flown the coop.
They've gone? They can't go.
He hasn't approved the layouts yet.
What am I saying? He's out with a rabbit.
So long, Charlie.
Another double, Charlie.
Looks like we got lucky.
You know, I always have trouble with spells for locating people.
How'd you do that? Well, I went up to Larry, and I put my right hand on his right shoulder and I said the magic words.
Yeah? What were they? I said, "Larry, do you have any idea what Sylvester's favourite hangout is?" Is that any way to talk to your uncle? Thanks, Charlie.
Another one of the same, Charlie.
It's hard to believe they only met an hour ago.
You know how fast bunnies work.
Alvin! Hi, Anita.
Alvin, I haven't seen you around here since Since That's right.
Too many memories.
That must be the girl he's carrying the torch for.
This could be the solution to everything.
You haven't called me lately.
Well, you didn't come to the phone, so what was the point? Well, anyway, I can see why you haven't.
This is Bunny.
Bunny, Anita.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Well, I've got to go.
But if you do decide to call again, I promise to answer.
So much for that solution.
Why don't we forget this whole mess and crash the party in Tasmania? Uncle Arthur, you have no sense of moral responsibility.
One more word and I'm gonna split.
- But - That's the word.
Uncle Arthur, you come back here and pull yourself together.
See you, Charlie.
Call me a cab, Charlie.
Well, hello there.
Mrs Stephens.
I'm sorry we left without saying goodbye, but That's perfectly all right.
I understand.
But I'm awfully glad I ran into you, because I want you to come for dinner tonight.
Dinner? Tonight? - That's very sweet of you, but, actually - You have to come.
I'm serving a vegetarian dinner in Bunny's honour.
In my honour? We're going to have carrot ring, and hearts of lettuce salad.
That sounds marvy.
Doesn't it? And spinach soufflé.
So that's a vegetarian dinner? - Yes.
How'd you like it? - Delicious.
This little lady seems to be enjoying it.
Your eyesight must be perfect.
I've never seen anybody so wild about carrots.
Well, they're very good for you, you know.
I've promised Bunny I'll plant a carrot patch in the garden.
- And lettuce, too.
- Garden? At my place in the Berkshires.
I'm taking Bunny up there with me tomorrow.
Oh, really? I might as well tell them.
We're engaged.
Engaged? - Well, when did this happen? - On the way over here.
Well, isn't that That's very Isn't it? Congratulations.
I only wish Arthur were present to hear the good news.
He'll hear about it, all right.
Bunny, why don't you help me clear? You're gonna have to get used to it, you know.
You're so right.
Oh, you old son of a gun.
Mr Sylvester, I've got to say something to you.
And, please understand, I only have your best interests at heart.
You can't marry her.
- Why? - Well, she's She's not what she seems to be.
Darrin, for Pete's sake.
Now just what are you implying? What I'm implying is that she's a - She's a - She's a what? She's a not-right-for-you.
- I think that's for me to decide.
- Right.
Darrin, I don't want to say that you're out of line, but, boy, are you out of line.
What I mean to say is You're right.
I am out of line.
Now, dear, if it's all right with you, I'd like to leave.
- It's definitely all right with me.
- Oh, please.
Now I want to wish both of you all the happiness in the world.
And I hope you like large families.
Sure, but not right away.
- Oh, yes.
Right away.
Right away.
- What? I'm sure that Bunny would like to have lots of children.
Yes.
Lots and lots.
Lots.
- How many? - Hundreds.
Mr Sylvester, how about a little brandy? Yes.
Anything.
Did you Double.
Yes.
Coming right up.
Usual, Larry? Please.
Let me give you a hand.
So, you're going to take Bunny to your hunting lodge, huh? Oh, yeah.
You didn't tell me it was a hunting lodge.
Didn't I? I wouldn't be interested in hunting, you know.
No? Well, you don't have to.
What kind of animals do you hunt up there? Just small game, you know.
Fox, beaver, rabbit.
Rabbit? You shoot rabbits? Well, we're doing the farmers a favour.
You know, rabbits are pests.
Well, I never Why did you do that? Because rabbits aren't pests.
They're very nice.
Nicer than people.
Bunny, perhaps you'd like to go upstairs and freshen up.
I certainly would.
What a temper.
I've never seen anybody so angry.
Yeah.
You might even say she was hopping mad.
I completely forgot about dessert.
Anyone for carrot pie? String bean sundae? Sam? - Hi there, sweetheart.
- Hi.
Hey, Kerb service, huh? I guess that means that Arthur hasn't come back? Well, I'm expecting him any minute.
- How'd your meeting with Sylvester go? - Like silk.
- He bought every one of my ideas.
- Well, that's marvellous.
You're lucky he changed his mind about going out of town.
He didn't change it.
His old girlfriend did.
They're back together again, I'm glad to say.
Well, just you remember that if it hadn't been for Bunny and Uncle Arthur, that never could have happened.
I'll be happy to thank him if he ever shows up.
You want some more ice in that, too? "Ice" to see you again.
Oh, brother.
Uncle Arthur, you better get out of there before you kick the bucket.
Not bad, Sammy.
It'd have been funnier if I'd said it.
You will, Uncle Arthur.
You will.
I think I resent that.
Anyway, I've got good news for you kiddies.
Knew there was something wrong with my powers, so I went to Dr Bombay, and he gave me a recharge right in my Will you spare us the details and just get rid of that rabbit? Where is our little fuzzy friend? She's out on the patio.
I can't keep her away from the grass.
Isn't that cute? On your feet, honey bunny.
I got a little trick I wanna show you.
- I just love tricks.
- Good.
Spirits high, spirits low, spirit away this child of woe.
I ask you now to reverse this hex that's on this girl of such opposite sex.
I said "sex," not "six.
" Arthur, the next time you pass by here, why don't you? Sweetheart, it really isn't his fault.
I mean, you know how fast rabbits multiply.