Charmed s06e08 Episode Script

Looks like they're all asleep.
|Maybe I should sneak out of here.
No.
Why don't you stay for breakfast.
How do you like your eggs? - What about your sisters?|- What about them? Whoa! Sorry.
You okay? - What are you doing?|- Trying to fix the garbage disposal.
- What are you doing?|- Messing around.
Hey, sorry.
I should have told you|I was here.
No, don't be silly.
Paige is a big girl.
|She can hang out all she wants to.
Not that she does a lot.
I mean - You can stop now.
|- Right.
Hey, you mind if I take a look? Sure, go ahead.
Okay.
What's wrong with the disposal|anyway? Not disposing, washer not washing.
|Cable not cabling.
- Don't forget the sink upstairs.
|- It's next on my list.
- Sounds like fun.
|- That's my life, actually.
All about fun.
- There you go.
It's as good as new.
|- He's handy to have around.
Yeah.
I thought you didn't use|magic anymore.
Just once in a while, for little things.
|Want me to fix the washer? - Yes.
|- No.
Can you guys help me pick out|some earrings? Hi.
I didn't know you were here.
Hey, yeah.
We got in late last night.
- I see.
|- He fixed the garbage disposal.
- Really?|- Magically.
Really? Can you help me with my earrings|out here, please? Sure.
Excuse me.
So how do you like your eggs,|scrambled or over easy? Okay, listen, was that weird? Why are you so dressed up? Because I have a date with Jason,|but that's besides the point.
Didn't Richard lose it the last time|he used magic? I mean, really lose it? I can assure you that he stayed|in complete control over the garbage disposal.
It's 7:00 in the morning,|how can you have a date? Because it's 7 here,|but it's evening in Hong Kong.
Okay, so you're not concerned|about Richard using magic? Yeah, I am, but I'm more concerned|with Paige being really pissed off because we butted into|her business again.
Yeah, I know, but we're sisters,|that's what we're supposed to do.
Back to your date, I don't understand,|is Chris orbing you to Hong Kong? No, we're video conferencing.
We just open our laptops|and there we are, in colour.
In each other's laps.
So do you think we should|talk to Paige about Richard? - We don't really know him.
|- I know we don't.
And neither does she.
|That's the problem.
- What, can't I worry?|- From afar.
Yeah.
Now, excuse me,|I have to go unclog a sink.
Well, maybe a little magic|couldn't hurt.
Help me! Okay, so watery lady|pops up from the sink.
- You sure she's not a demon?|- I'm sure she needed help.
- What else did she say?|- That was it.
"Harding Park, pond,"|and poof! Over there.
They're coming! Take this,|it does not belong to them! I'm liking these odds.
Wuss.
The sword.
The sword is Where'd she go?|What did she say? She said something about the sword.
|Where is it? It's in the stone.
The sword in the stone? Oh, you gotta be kidding me, right? Okay, could you maybe|miss the table? I'm sorry, I've never orbed anything|that heavy before.
- Or that historic.
|- Is that glowing? No, it's the sunroom,|there's a lot of light.
What part of this aren't you getting?|Sword, stone, lady in lake.
It was a pond.
- You think she's from Avalon?|- Yeah, I think she was flushed out by whoever's after Excalibur.
|The maker of kings.
Look, we're not talking about Camelot,|right, because that's not real.
You never believed in King Arthur|and the Knights of the Round Table? Yes, I did, when I was 7.
|And then I grew up.
Yeah, you grew up to be a witch that fights demons|and silly-looking dragons.
- That's different, that's real.
|- And this isn't real? - What is real are those hooded freaks.
|- Who are not gonna give up - now that the sword's in the open.
|- How do you know? Whoever has Excalibur|is unstoppable.
Okay, there's definitely nothing|in the Book.
Oh, hi.
How you doing? Phoebe, please put a stop|to this nonsense.
- Didn't realise you were here.
|- That's okay.
You can talk freely in front of him.
Lord knows,|you've been through enough.
- No, not really.
|- Phoebe.
Look, I should probably go.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're great.
Okay, anyway, Book, Excalibur? Yeah, nothing, nada.
- Really?|- Told you.
You know, hey, maybe it's been out|of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has ever|come across it before.
Well, we have run across these guys,|executioner demons, - lower-level badasses for hire.
|- Who hired them? This higher-level badass.
"A power-mad paladin|of destruction.
" Maybe You know, maybe we|should just kind of hang out later.
Yeah.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
I don't know.
- Be careful with all this.
|- Always.
I had a really good time last night.
|- Me too.
What? I just don't think your sisters|like me very much.
- No, that's not true.
|- Really? Okay, maybe they're just doing|the overprotective sister thing.
Well, that's a good thing.
Because I don't want anything|to happen to you.
Don't worry.
So he's an upper-level demon,|which means you should be able to make|a vanquishing potion.
Okay.
Wait.
Me? Why me? Because, hello, I have a few|hundred things to do around here, in addition|to raising a small child.
I know, you have so much to do.
You're my hero.
But I can't,|I have to go to work.
I still don't have an assistant,|and I'm swamped.
But Phoebe! Paige, potion? Oh, I'm sorry, honey, the temp|agency's already got me a new job.
But that hardly compares with Come on, you know|there's a magical reason that I've had every one|of these jobs, and who am I to interfere|with destiny? Okay, so you want me|to add "babysit the sword" and "mix vanquishing potion"|to my never-ending to-do list.
Look, the sword is stuck|in the stone.
You know it, I know it, the bad guys know it.
Nobody's gonna|get it out till King Arthur does.
When that happens,|there'll be lots of fireworks.
- When might that be?|- How should I know? Maybe a couple thousand years? Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.
Oh, but I do blame you.
The sword is now locked in stone.
|You promised me murderers, what you delivered|was cannon fodder for witches! Those weren't just witches.
Tell me, demon, will your thick head|still spout excuses when it's cut from your neck? If the sword is|with the Charmed Ones, it means we need a better class|of executioners, that's all.
And how much more|will this cost me? - The Charmed Ones are formidable.
|- How much? To provide you|with more executioners and the training needed to drown the|Charmed Ones in their own blood a seat at the table.
If your goal is to unite all evil under|the corrupted power of the sword, you could do far worse|than have me at your side.
- Responses to last week's columns.
|- How'd you get into my e-mail? Your e-mail account is maxed out,|so your fans are using ours.
Oh, I'll tell you, Elise better find me|a new assistant because pretty soon she's gonna have to ask Phoebe|to take my foot out of her Hello, Phoebe Halliwell.
Oh, hey, Laura.
I have that down for this morning.
Oh, my God,|I missed it.
I'm so sorry.
No, of course I can reschedule.
|Absolutely.
Actually, Laura, can I call you back|when I have my book in front of me? Okay, great.
I'm so sorry.
|Thanks.
Bye.
Hi, I thought you had|a new temp job today.
- I do.
|- Why aren't you there? Apparently I am.
- What? Here?|- Yep.
- As my assistant?|- Well, I think I'd prefer to be called your desk manager.
Wait, but I thought you get all|of your temp jobs for divine reasons.
Usually I do.
Yeah, but I don't need divine help,|I need filing and faxing|and desk-management help.
I'm your girl.
I really am.
|We'll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later.
|It usually does.
Yeah, but I can't tell you what to do.
|I mean, how weird is that? Well, it's no weirder than usual.
- I see.
|- Just kidding, sort of.
Listen, you get back to your column.
|I will call Laura and reschedule.
I will help stuff.
Perfect.
Hey, lady! We could really use|an authority figure out there.
- What are you doing here?|- What am I doing here? I'm getting pushed around!|I just lost my place in line.
What line? What? What's going on here? Never.
- What is this?|- Natural selection.
Naturally, I hope the sword|selects me to be king.
Finally get a little respect around here.
You people, you creatures, whatever.
|You can't be here.
You gotta go.
We have a divine right to try our hand.
- Wow.
|- Yeah.
Ten feet's pretty much the distance.
Back of the line, please.
Hoof it, sister! Chris! Chris.
Get down here.
- Where's Chris?|- Busy.
Let's go.
- What's going on?|- Busy with what? Other charges.
I took him|off your account again.
- Our account?|- You know what I mean.
- Whoa, is that what I think it is?|- No.
No, it's not.
Okay, now look, you gotta get|all these people out of here because I can't do this right now.
Hey, hey, hey! No cuts, buddy.
Hey, how was the staff meeting? Endless.
How's my new assistant|working out? Oh, she put a fire under the interns,|that's for sure.
Really? Okay, who can help me with that? Great, you got it.
And what about|collating and cross-referencing? You.
And so you would|have databasing.
All right, great.
You boys|have your marching orders.
I will check back with you|in a couple hours.
Wow, who works here? You do.
Who rocks?|That would be me.
By the end of the day,|we'll have a system in place that tracks your column ideas,|your columns written and your columns considered, plus a separate file for your questions,|comments and fan mail.
- I can't believe it.
|- Well, believe it because you, my dear, are never going to miss|anything again.
- That's good.
|- It is good news because you, my dear,|need to concentrate.
Yes, I do.
Yes, you do.
|Starting with tomorrow's column.
- I already wrote tomorrow's column.
|- Yeah, you did.
Is there a problem with it? Well, I mean, I'm no expert, but I was just thinking|about this one question.
Okay, the girl's family wants her|to break up with him because they think|he's an alcoholic.
And absent of any proof,|you're telling her to end it.
Well, you know, not really end it,|just slow it down a bit.
Okay, but slowing it down|by not seeing each other is, in effect, ending it.
I just think you should|keep your eyes open.
Keep my eyes open? I mean, I think that she should keep|her eyes open.
- You know what I mean.
|- Yeah.
- This column's about Richard, isn't it?|- No, it is not about Richard.
Don't be ridiculous.
You hate him.
I can tell,|and what's worse, he can tell.
Look, Paige, if you're sensing|anything from me, it's just concern.
I'm concerned that you're falling|too fast for a guy you barely know.
But, you know,|it's none of my business.
You're right.
It's not|any of your business.
Right.
Hey, Piper needs your help, now.
Pest.
Oh, my! - I was afraid this would happen.
|- You could have mentioned that.
- And they won't leave?|- Oh, no.
No.
- More show up every minute.
|- But no bad guys yet, right? What is that stench?|What is that stench? We gotta get this thing out|of here.
Leo refuses to orb it.
The Lady of the Lake came to you.
|I'm not messing with that.
Oh, for God's sakes, if you|will not get rid of it, then I will! Your Majesty.
Wow.
I bet you didn't expect this|when you got up this morning.
- L|- The sword has chosen.
You are the new saviour.
The champion of good, the master of Excalibur.
- Welcome to your new destiny.
|- Oh, crap.
Okay, let's go.
Nothing to see|here anymore, - no more show, adiós, scram.
|- Your Majesty, seriously, if you need anything, anything at all.
|Castles built, suits of armour, you name it, I got connections.
Is it just me, or does it still|smell like ogre in here? I'm telling you, guys,|this is all a big mistake.
- Stop that.
|- It's drawn to you, - just like you're drawn to it.
|- Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal? - You will be in time.
|- No, I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.
Oh, come on, Piper, have a little fun.
|Don't you realise what this means? One more thing on my to-do list? No, it means you, my dear,|are the chosen one, the first in centuries to have|power over the sword.
Tell her all about it, Merlin.
Oh, actually, the name's Mordaunt.
|Merlin was just a fairy tale.
But Camelot was not.
And thanks to you, it can rise again.
So, what are you, a wizard,|a sorcerer? Actually, I'm neither.
|I'm just a humble teacher in service of the sword.
And we must begin|instruction immediately, before your enemy attacks.
- The Dark Knight.
|- You know him? Yeah, we've already kicked his ass.
And if he shows up again, we have a|vanquishing potion ready and waiting.
- What's in it?|- It's a mandrake variation with a little bit of griffin's blood.
Good, if you're going up against|a pustulous knave, which you're not.
If you want to fight the Dark Knight|with magic, this is what you need.
I thought you said|you weren't a sorcerer.
I picked up a few things along the way.
|The Dark Knight is no trifle.
You'll have to hit him|with everything you have.
I've never even heard of half|of these ingredients.
Looks like he picked up|quite a bit.
What do you think? - Can't get a read on him.
|- Your distrust is expected, but don't let it blind you.
|If I haven't taught Piper how to master the sword|before the Dark Knight returns, your survival depends on that potion.
Okay, so where are we supposed|to get the ingredients? I think I know a place.
Leave it to me,|your trusty assistant.
All right, I guess I will go check|with the other Elders and see what they know.
You want me to take Wyatt? Piper.
Do you want me to take|Wyatt with me? Oh, yeah.
Sure.
I'll be fine.
En garde! Not bad.
|Better than Arthur's first time.
- Really?|- Now, I'm gonna come in low.
Believe in Excalibur.
|Just let it flow through you.
- These are your best?|- The highest quality.
- They'll get the job done.
|- They'd better.
If they don't, it's not me|they'll have to answer to.
- I thought you were|- I serve a greater power.
Whose? We've got a problem.
Hey! Well.
Should have figured|you'd be after the sword.
- Tell him.
|- Kiss my grumpy ass.
Tell him.
You're too late.
Piper Halliwell has Excalibur.
|And she's being trained how to use it.
By who? Who's training her? - Does this change anything?|- It changes everything.
I think we got everything you need.
|Plant roots, fungi, herbs, - creature parts, insects.
|- Creature parts? Fairy wings.
Wait, fairy wings? Well, I didn't kill them|if that's what you're wondering.
- Then how'd you get them?|- Phoebe.
- What? Fair question.
|- Actually, I'm not sure.
My family's been stockpiling this stuff|for years because of the feud.
Yeah, but the feud's over, right? Hey, you know,|I think we're gonna need a mortar and pestle for the potion,|do you have one? Yeah.
What are you doing? - What?|- You don't have to treat him - like he's evil.
|- Paige, I'm just reacting to what I see.
I mean, how many guys do you|know that stockpile gremlin ears? Okay, first your not-so-subtle column,|and now this.
Why don't you come out|and admit it? You hate him.
Paige, I don't hate him.
|I'm just worried.
Well, don't worry.
|I know what I'm doing.
Okay, so are you telling me|that it doesn't bother you at all that he's using magic again?|Or that he has this? This room hidden? What part of "this is not|your business" are you not getting? Oh, Paige, I am worried about you.
Okay, just like you were worried|about me when I was dating a demon.
- Richard is not a demon.
|- No, I know he's not a demon, Paige.
But he has a dark side|and powerful magic.
And that's a very dangerous|combination.
L I'm worried about you, okay?|I'm sorry.
- Here.
|- Thanks.
Everything all right? Let's just get this over with.
- You're a quick study.
|- You're a good teacher.
So you feel the sword's power? - Yes.
|- How's it feel? Not bad.
You and Excalibur are becoming one.
Soon, nothing will matter.
Nothing except the desire to rule.
You.
I was wondering when you'd show up.
|Take him! - "Wereboar tusk, one pinch.
|- Okay.
Nymph hair, one lock.
Oh, I hope this isn't|from someone we know.
Wraith essence, three drops.
- One, two, three.
|- And black poppy, - one level teaspoon.
"|- I've never even heard of black No! Phoebe, you okay? - Richard.
|- Wait, watch.
Don't ever mix wraith essence|and black poppy.
- Ever.
|- Why would Mordaunt do this? Because he wants you dead.
- I thought we made a deal.
|- I don't need you to get the sword anymore.
I've got her.
Your assimilation is complete.
You are now one with Excalibur.
Now what? - It's just us.
|- He's not what you think he is.
- He tried to kill us.
|- He wants the sword.
But the sword chose me.
No, he's just using you, he wants|the power of the sword for himself.
You're not meant|to control the sword.
But I do control it.
And you don't think I can.
Perhaps we should leave.
- Paige.
Paige, Paige, Paige.
|- Excalibur! Don't do that again.
It appears your queen has spoken.
Her Majesty has left the building.
Or Her Madness.
Doesn't look like much of a kingdom.
Well, this is just where it begins, where you form your inner circle.
Let me guess,|the Knights of the Round Table? The knights of your Round Table.
You're on a new path now,|a new destiny.
That's good because I was|getting a little bored of the old one.
A world of adventure awaits you.
Warfare, conquest, Camelot.
- And what exactly is Camelot?|- Whatever you want it to be.
It's your kingdom to make.
Could you be a little more specific? There will be no one above you,|no one to challenge you.
You will have free rein|to reshape the way things are, to create a world of your dreams.
All will bow down before you.
All will serve your every desire.
- Including you?|- Especially me, my queen.
What is it? Well, we must build your kingdom first.
And to do that, we need to fill|your Round Table with knights.
- Very well, I have a few ideas.
|- No.
Let me be your counsel.
|I know best who will serve you well.
But they will not come easily.
You must challenge them|on fields of battle.
Force them to join you.
I think I can do that.
- Anything?|- Nope, can't find Piper anywhere.
Well.
Keep looking, she's bound|to show up somewhere.
- Yeah, to do what?|- I don't know.
I don't understand.
If she wasn't|supposed to pull the sword out, - then why was she able to?|- According to the other Elders, she was only meant to pass it on|to whomever it was really meant for.
So she's not the new King Arthur,|but she is the new Lady of the Lake? - Basically, yeah.
|- Well, why is it turning her evil? Because only the ultimate power|on Earth can handle Excalibur.
That's why the lady|stayed in the lake, to insulate herself|from the sword's power.
Okay, so we should find Piper|and then drown her.
- Oh, I'm just kidding, Leo.
|- It's no joke.
It's the only way to keep the power|from consuming her, destroying her.
Still, what does Mordaunt|want with Piper? I mean, he's tricky, but he's hardly|the ultimate power on Earth.
But he can use Piper|to become that power.
Guess who just surfaced.
- Should I kill him?|- You're the queen.
I need one more knight|to sit at my Round Table.
- Care to join me?|- Join you? Which side are you on? All we're interested in|is the greatest power.
Become one of us.
- What he said.
|- What do I get out of it? You? You get to live.
- Piper!|- I should have known it was a trap! - You stay put.
You, I warned you.
|- Sorry, Your Majesty.
Paige, now, orb her.
Impressive, huh?|Now, make your queen proud.
- What just happened?|- I don't know, but I don't think it's good.
Leo! Welcome.
I assume you're all wondering|why you've been gathered here.
But don't worry, if I wanted to kill you,|I would have done so already.
You are the chosen few|who will help chart a new world order, united under me.
Excuse me, Your Majesty,|we're getting ahead of ourselves.
- Are we?|- The small matter of the loyalty oath.
Yeah.
That's right.
- Administer that oath.
|- Yes, Your Majesty.
If you will all put|your left hand or claw on one of the five points|of the pentagram in front of you.
Supreme demonic powers,|leave your hosts! And find a new home|in this willing heart! What are you doing? Stop! You vanquished all my knights.
Why? Fulfilling my centuries-old quest to control Excalibur.
- But it belongs to me.
|- No.
It doesn't.
It never did.
But thanks to you and the combined powers|of your knights, now it belongs to me.
I'm the ultimate power.
I don't understand.
It's simply a transfer of power,|that's all.
And now all that remains|to do is to eliminate the true recipient|of Excalibur before he grows old enough|to fulfil his destiny as the son of a Charmed One.
You can't hurt him, he's protected.
I couldn't before.
But I can with this.
Feeling any better? No, I'm pretty sure "ow" signifies that|I am not, in fact, feeling any better.
I am getting tired of this whole|soul-separating-from-my-body thing.
It's getting to be a disturbing pattern.
It was pretty close too.
Your souls|were getting ready to move on.
- Move on to where exactly?|- Nice try.
I can't believe Piper.
|Did you see the look in her eyes? Hey, at least it looked like|she was having fun for once.
- Find her yet?|- No, nothing.
Keep trying.
Just like last time, they|can't do anything until they resurface.
Yeah, unless Mordaunt wants her|to help him rule the underworld.
There's gotta be another way|to get her out of this.
I just wish we knew|who King Arthur is.
- Wait, what do you mean?|- I mean, if we need to separate Piper from the sword,|what better way than figure out who she's meant to give it to? No.
It's Wyatt.
Oh, my God.
|It has to be.
- What's the matter?|- It's Piper, she's hurt.
- Harding Park.
Let's go.
|- I got Wyatt.
Don't worry, it'll all be over soon.
Once they come for you,|I'll go for him.
- Hurry! Hurry, hurry!|- I am, I am.
Where's Wyatt? My apologies, King Wyatt.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
What?! And that's his favourite teddy bear.
Hey.
Bet you didn't expect this|when you got up this morning.
But I've still got Excalibur! - Not for long.
|- Go for it, Wyatt.
Okay, sweetie,|that's very, very good.
But we need to put this away|so you don't put an eye out.
At least until you're 18.
How are you? Oh, fine.
Think you can orb this|into the attic? Absolutely.
Away from any furniture? Sorry.
Don't worry,|I'll just add it to my list.
Hey, I just finished the last of the filing.
- Great, thanks.
|- Is that tomorrow's copy? Yeah, I'm just doing some|last-minute changes.
This woman right here|is worried that her mother - might be marrying the wrong guy.
|- Really? Yeah, she thinks he might be|the devil incarnate.
Didn't we vanquish|the devil incarnate? I told her that unless she has absolute proof,|she should probably butt out and let her sister live her own life.
- I thought this was about a mother.
|- Yeah, well, you know what I mean.
Yeah, I think I do.
It's funny, this is the first job I've gotten|without a magical reason behind it.
Well, there may not have been|a magical reason, but there was definitely a reason.
I just have to learn|to take my own advice.
Yeah, well, don't stop|worrying about me too much.
Okay.
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
|You ready to go? Yeah.
We're going out.
|Do you wanna join? I would love to, actually, but I'm gonna take a rain check.
|It's been a long day.
Okay.
Good night.
Hey, Paige, - you're fired.
|- Actually, I quit.
Listen, I want you to promise me that before we take that thing|out of storage, that you're gonna play lots|of football and baseball and have lots of normal toys,|and maybe we'll even get a dog.
What do you think? How we doing? His Highness seems content.
- What about you?|- I'm doing all right.
At least I have my priorities straight|now.
I was so busy doing stuff, and all I really wanted to do|was hang out with him.
Well, you should have more time|for that now.
- I fixed the washer.
|- You did? And the sink and the cable|and the toilet.
Wow, I forgot how handy you were|to have around the house.
Pretty strange, huh? Kind of scary, actually.
- Why?|- Well, we've seen what he can do without the sword.
I can't begin|to imagine what he could do with it.
Well, whatever it is,|it's meant to be.
Doesn't make it|any less scary, though.
But that's tomorrow's problem.
|I'll worry about it then.
Okey-dokey.