Everybody Loves Raymond s06e08 Episode Script

Jeezaloo, look at Geoffrey.
He's skipping.
He's having fun, Frank.
Then he should try curtseying.
That's fun, too.
He reminds me of you, Raymond.
I didn't do that, Mom.
Yes, you did.
I did not skip.
To my loo.
This is boring.
Will you take me to the playground now, Uncle Robert? All right, for a few minutes.
But listen, there's plenty of monkey bars out there.
Not everyone has to climb on me.
Please? All right.
Why didn't you bring some cushions or something? This bench is killing me.
It's crushing his brain.
Sure.
These seats don't bother you.
Hey, if you two can't get along, I'm gonna separate you.
You mean legally? Another season of "Everybody Loves Raymond.
" Ow! Oh, Geoffrey! Geoffrey! Geoffrey! Yay, Joey! Way to go! Good job, Joey! Oh no.
Geoffrey, watch Joey! Ray.
Well, look at him.
He's staggering around out there.
All right.
No more Bloody Marys for breakfast.
What? What does he need? I think he wants to use the bathroom.
No, Ma, that's just how he runs.
What is it, honey? Find out what he wants.
What? What do you want? Go down there.
Then they'll know I'm with him.
- Go on.
- All right.
What, Geoffrey? What are you trying to tell us? Did you bring anything for me to eat? Anything to eat? You're asking me about food? Get the ball, okay? Pretend the ball is food.
Go ahead.
Go on out there.
Go on out there, then we'll talk about food.
Yeah.
Charlie Hustle wants to know if we brought anything to eat.
Will you mind if I live vicariously through Joey? I should have brought food.
I made cannelloni this morning.
That's gone.
Where's Ally? They're still out there.
All the kids kept spinning me on this merry-go-round thing.
I kept telling them to stop, but they wouldn't.
They just kept laughing and pushing me and I need a minute.
Geoffrey, your team has the ball.
You don't got to play defense now! It's okay, Geoffrey! You're doing great! Hey, big Geoff! Aw, give me a break! Would you just cheer? What? I'm not doing anything wrong.
I'm fooling around.
I'm fooling around, everybody.
We'll still let him sleep inside tonight.
Hang in there, Geoffrey! Good hustle, big Geoff! Yay, Geoffrey! Way to go, Geoffrey! Oh.
When we get home, I'll get you something for your tum-tum.
That's okay, Ma.
I'm fine now.
Stop rubbing my tummy! Hey, remember the time you had that clam roll at Howard Johnson's? All right, Dad.
And you washed it down with a strawberry milk shake? Yeah, I remember, Dad.
Please stop.
I had a sardine sandwich with onions and mayonnaise, and it was warm, I recall.
Why do this? I find your discomfort amusing.
All right, plenty of snacks left over.
Who wants some cheese sticks and guava nectar? I'll be outside.
Excuse me, Raymond? Hey, Coach Bryan.
Hello.
Can we talk for just a moment? Yeah, yeah.
What? What, is this about Geoffrey skipping? 'Cause we're gonna work on that.
Oh, no.
Not at all.
He's more than welcome to skip.
Well, then, he's your man.
Let's sit for a second, shall we? All right.
You know, Raymond, I couldn't help overhearing some of the things you were saying in the stands today, and it concerned me Yeah, listen, listen, l Excuse me.
I was still speaking.
I'm concerned that maybe we're dealing with some misplaced priorities here.
Now, I understand that you're a prominent sports writer and you deal with grown-up teams that are very concerned with winning and losing - Look, I know what - Excuse me.
Still speaking.
But I think we all need to understand that the space outside the hoop is just as valid as the space inside the hoop.
Hmm.
You don't often hear that from a basketball coach.
Well, you know, competition isn't really what we're all about.
I know, I know.
It's about fun.
I mean, fun! Just give me a break.
It's 8:00 in the morning.
Raymond, all I'm trying to say is that when you kid around, it seems that you're genuinely concerned that Geoffrey's doing something bad.
Well, no no no no.
That's not it at all.
Well, then, why make fun of your son? I wasn't making fun.
I was making fun-ny! "He's allergic to the basketball"? That's not funny.
It is a little funny.
You know, often a parent belittles a child from the sideline because that parent himself is a frustrated athlete No no, no way.
I was good at sports.
Not that that's important.
Look, look, you're worried that I'm too serious here, but it's just the opposite.
I've accepted I've got one kid out there who's good at basketball, and one kid who can't do anything out there except spin around and pretend he's Scooby-Doo.
Herro, Reoffrey! Ro rong! Hey, the next time Robert says he's nauseous, he's walking home, all right? I had to hose off the whole side of the van.
As far as the street goes, I think we're just gonna have to pray for rain.
Geoffrey quit basketball.
What do you mean? When? Just now.
They're up there changing out of their uniforms.
He hands me his and says he doesn't want to play anymore.
Oh.
I wonder why that is.
Gee, I don't know.
But I was just talking to him, and I was thinking it could possibly be related to you telling his coach that he looked like Scooby-Doo.
I never said that! Then what did you say? I don't know, but I did not say that exactly.
What did you say, Ray? I was having a private conversation with Bryan Trenberth, who, by the way, knows squat about basketball, and the exact thing I said was that Geoffrey was good at spinning around and pretending to be Scooby-Doo.
Good at spinning and pretending.
And Geoff heard you.
- So, look, I know - You were making your stupid comments through the whole game, and everybody else heard you.
Okay, but the only thing he heard was Scooby-Doo.
Nobody quits from that.
You think that he quit from that? I'll talk to him.
Wait a minute.
What are you gonna say to him? I'm gonna talk to him.
Don't worry.
Don't worry? Tell me what you're gonna say.
I don't have to run things by you! You're not in charge here! Ray.
I'm gonna say that it was a joke, and I was just kidding, and he should play basketball because it's a blast, and let's all have some bubble gum! You're not going to apologize? See, this is why you don't know anything about anything.
If I go up there and apologize to Geoffrey, then he thinks I have something to apologize about, and then all of a sudden it's a big deal when it's not a big deal.
It is a big deal! No! No! No, it's not! Hey, weren't you the one who came up with the "laugh when they fall down" trick so they won't know they hurt themselves? Well, he didn't fall down today.
It's as if you pushed him down.
That is a completely wrong analogy! If anything, today it was like I patted him on the back - and he tripped.
- Okay you're not going near my son.
Come on! This is nothing! Hey, you know what my father used to do to me when I was a kid? I remember one time, I was getting ready for the senior prom, and I was combing my hair in the hallway mirror, and he pushes past me and goes, "Bad haircut.
I can still see your face.
" How did that make you feel? What? Nothing.
I knew that he was just trying to be funny.
All right, all right.
I felt bad for a second, but then I forgot about it.
Until now? Listen, this wasn't like that.
All I really did was say a little joke.
Like your dad.
You know, you've told me that haircut story before.
It was just a little joke.
I didn't mean it.
I know you didn't.
I'll talk to him.
I'm gonna need lots of gum.
Hey, Geoffrey.
Hi, Daddy.
Hey.
Listen, Geoff Whoop.
What you doing there? Magna-man.
He sticks to things.
That is so great.
Listen, Geoff, can I talk to you? I want to talk to you about what happened at basketball today, okay? Here, let me see.
Let me see Magna-man.
Okay, let's go.
Hey, hey! Where we going? Whoa! Whoa! Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, listen Geoff, Geoff, Geoff, I want to talk to you.
Um so, Geoffrey, I heard that you were thinking about quitting basketball.
Yes.
- Why? - I'm no good.
Who said that? You're terrific! Nobody said you're no good.
Who told you that? Michael's good.
You said so.
Oh.
See, no.
Michael's good, and so are you.
Here's what happened.
I was talking to Coach Bryan today about something else, and you heard me say a little joke.
Daddy does that sometimes, but I was just kidding.
Like when you call me "poopy-head.
" I know you really don't think I'm a poopy-head.
Okay, maybe a bad example.
Look, here's the thing I was wrong to say that joke today, and I'm sorry.
Okay? Okay.
Good.
Good, I'm glad.
You know you're my boy, right? Yeah.
Okay, then.
And I want you to play basketball, because you really are very good.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are! I told you I was just kidding about Scooby-Doo and all that, so you can play basketball now.
But I don't want to.
Yes, you do.
It's fun.
But I'm the worst.
You're not the worst.
I don't want to hear that talk anymore.
All you've got to do is keep trying.
Hey, remember the story of the tortoise and the hare, and the tortoise was way behind in the race, but he kept saying, "I think I can! I think I can!" A train said that.
Okay.
It doesn't matter who said it.
What matters is, that is a true story and all you gotta do is keep thinking you can and keep playing, and you will win that race.
Do I have to? Yes! No, no.
No, no, you don't have to.
I don't want anyone to think that I'm making you.
But I don't want you to miss out on the fun.
That's the most important part, the fun.
Eh, no, thanks.
You know what else basketball players get all the time? Lots and lots of gum.
Would anybody like devilled eggs? Yeah, I'll take a couple more, Ma.
Hey, you're walking home.
You know, honey, if anything, pull Mommy's face up.
Daddy? What, buddy? I'm bored.
Well, maybe you should go to the playground.
But I want to play.
What? In the game? Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Come on! Halftime! All right! Great! That was great! Everybody was good.
Super-duper job, everybody.
Let's rehydrate and come right back.
Coach Bryan, Geoffrey has something he wants to ask you.
Sure.
What can I do for you, my friend? Can I play? Well, Geoffrey, before you said you didn't feel like playing, but now you changed your mind and you want to play? You heard him Coach Bryan Coach Bryan.
Well, Geoffrey, if you want to play, I'll put you right in.
You can be number 7, if you're ready to have fun.
He's ready! Okay, I'll go sit.
Hey, number 7, you know who else was number 7? Mickey Mantle.
I believe that's baseball.
I know, Bryan.
But he was still great, and it was a sport, too.
And he had fun, and that's the most important thing.
That's all right, buddy.
Next time pick it up if you want to.
Looking good out there! All right! Way to play tough "D"! What are you doing? What? I'm trying to keep it alive up here.
Here we go, Geoffrey, here we go.
Where are you going? Different family.
Hello.
Traveling.
That's all right, Geoffrey.
Dribbling isn't everything.
Way to get the ball! You got the ball! Way to get the ball! Way to have fun out there! Go, fun! Hey, that looks like fun! Hey! Ha ha ha! Calm down.
Hey, I'm here for him.
Maybe you're a little too here for him.
Do you want to help out? How about a little chatter? Hey! Foul! He was fouled! Two shots! Ohh.
He gets two shots.
All right, Geoffrey, don't worry.
Whatever you do in life is great! Hold it, buddy.
Behind the line.
That's all right, honey.
It's a common mistake.
We've all done that, right? Would you sit down? Yeah, buddy! Oh, did you see that? Oh, man, that was great! Ow! He bit me! Geoffrey! Geoffrey! Geoffrey! Geoffrey! Oh.
Yeah, okay.
I know, I know.
You've got another shot.
Yeah.
This one doesn't matter, either, Geoffrey.
Whatever you want! Geoffrey! Did you see my boy? Did you see my boy? Did you see my boy? Did you all see my boy? Aah! Ohh! Ow! I'm all right.
I'm okay.
I'm okay! Way to go, Geoffrey! Yeah! You, too, Michael! I didn't forget about you! I have two sons! Yeah! And a daughter! Yay! Yay! Yay, everybody! Move over.
Move over.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Is that your dad? Okay, kids.
Great fun today.
I'm proud of both of you, and, listen, Geoffrey, it wouldn't have mattered if you'd missed those shots, but you didn't! You made 'em both! I love you! I love you both, guys! - I'll see you in the morning! - Good night.
Good night.
Ohh.
What have we here? That's very nice.
That's very nice.
Where you going? Where you going? Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you Ohh!