Garfield and Friends (1988) s06e08 Episode Script

(Narrator) Ladies and gentleman, Garfield and friends. (drumroll)
We're! We're! ♪
Ready! Ready! ♪
To! To! ♪
Party!
We're ready, to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing Fiesta
Romancing Siesta
Samba La bamba
Ay caramba
Disguises Disguises
Surprises Surprises
And pies of-- and pies of all sizes ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
Penelope's back today folks,
some women just can't get enough of me.
(upbeat instrumental music)
(dog barking)
Nice doggy, mustn't chomp the kitty cat, nice doggy!
Floyd, you saved my life.
Floyd, I've seen this one 50 times now.
Oh yeah.
Well, I could show you the one where Garfield and I
parodied Indiana Jones, it was called
Rodents of the Lost Ark. Rodents of the Lost Ark.
You showed me that twice on our wedding night.
Floyd, I'm sick of you sitting around the house all day
waiting for Garfield to call.
Hey, Garfield is my friend.
If he were your friend, he'd have you on the show
more than once a season.
Hey, I'm lucky,
he hadn't had Binky the clown on for three years.
Go!
Tell your friend if he could have that stupid puppy
on every week, he can find a part for you.
Yeah, yeah, but April, honey
Alright, alright, I'll ask him.
I gotta cook the drapes.
No, I gotta wash the drapes and cook my shirt.
No, no, I got to iron the meatloaf.
No, iron the shirt, that's it, iron the shirt
and wax the garbage.
No!
Huh?
Jon's Aunt Prunellas coming to visit,
he wants to make a good impression.
Oh.
Hi Garfield.
Taking lessons from Nermal, Floyd?
Sorry.
Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
You're not in this episode.
Garfield, Jon, Odie, Aunt Prunella, nope, no mice.
Yeah, I know that Garfield.
I was just wondering, that is my wife,
well, let me put it this way,
can't you find something for me to do on the show this week?
How about a walk-on?
How about a walk-off?
(doorbell ringing)
Here's Jon's Aunt Prunella.
How come I didn't get a chance to audition for that role?
You're a male, you're also a mouse.
That's right, typecast me.
Aunt Prunella!
About time you answered the door,
I've been standing here with these heavy suitcases.
Aren't you going to invite me in?
Yes, yes, come in, please!
What a mess this place is, and that atrocious wallpaper.
Tell me Jon, who suffers from a bad back?
You do Aunt Prunella.
Then why am I still standing?
I'll get you a chair.
And a lemonade with fresh lemons and three ice cubes.
You know, I can do other things besides comedy too.
Floyd--
Do you remember the movie Of Mice and Men?
I was in that, I played mice.
Floyd, there's nothing on the show for you this week,
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
Okay, I'll go.
Just remember this moment Garfield
because the day will come
when you will beg me to do this show,
and you know what?
I won't be available,
I'll be working for Disney or somebody.
Who's he kidding?
Disney's up to here with mice under contract.
I said three ice cube, not four.
And where are my favorite cookies?
I hate ginger snaps, I want raisin cookies.
What are you serving me for dinner?
Oh, well, I thought, meatloaf.
You are not serving me meatloaf!
No, I didn't think I was, what would you like?
Well, I'll have eight ounces of filet mignon,
medium to medium rare, a one-pound baked potato
with sour cream and chives, creamed spinach,
and freshly ground Brazilian coffee.
Right away Aunt Prunella!
Odie, you know what she's doing?
Me.
What a terrible dinner.
What do you do for a living again Johnny?
I'm a cartoonist.
A cartoonist, when are you going to get a real job?
Would you excuse me for one moment Aunt Prunella?
Oh, that woman!
Garfield, I can't ask her to leave, but--
Say no more, the cat's on the job.
I'll give her the super deluxe
unwanted guest annoyance treatment.
This is the worst-looking chocolate cake I've ever seen,
but it'll do.
What an annoyance that cat is,
I wouldn't blame you if you left right now Aunt Prunella.
Nonsense, he was right, I shouldn't eat chocolate cake.
With that cat around I may be able to stick to my diet.
I may hang around longer than I planned.
Oh boy.
(snoring)
(bagpipe music)
Oh, little kitty, you decided to serenade me
with the bagpipes.
How did you know I was half Scottish?
I don't know, must be your uncanny resemblance
to the Loch Ness Monster.
Take that, and that, and one of these!
What is going on here?
Garfield and Odie are having another mud pie war.
They do this every night and I can't stop them.
The only way to get away from it is to move out, hint, hint.
You know, they say mud is supposed to do wonders
for the skin.
Maybe I'll try it for a few months.
Months!
Aunt Prunella, isn't there anything that bothers you,
anything?
No!
Well, mice of course,
but you don't to have any of those
disgusting creatures around.
Mice?
How about that?
We found a role on the show for Floyd today after all.
I'll see if we can find him.
There's a restaurant around here
where all the mouse actors hang out.
Yo Ed, can we have some more cheese dip down here?
Anyway, like I was saying, I'm on The Garfield Show.
Sure you are.
I am.
I watch it all the time, I never seen you.
Floyd!
(mice screaming)
Garfield, what are you doing here?
I need you, will you do the show again please?
Well, I'll have to think about it,
I thought about it, I'll do it.
The answer is yes, when do I work?
Right now, come on.
See, nah!
(screaming)
A mouse, get it away!
Get it away!
I am never coming back, help!
Boogity, boogity, boogity, ha, ha, ha!
Garfield, you got rid of her.
Don't thank me, thank Floyd here.
Hey, you wanna thank me,
have me on the show more often.
I'll think about it.
Okay, I thought about it, the answer's yes.
(instrumental blues music)
One sugar or two?
Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Do I have to do everything around here?
Two.
Hey Orsonio, Lanolin says to go milk the cow.
Did you hear what I said, Ors?
Lanolin wants you to go milk the cow.
Orson, Orson?
Yoohoo, Earth to Orson, hello?
(horn blowing)
Attention Orson, message for Orson Pig, hello Orson.
Orson, Martians have landed,
they all look like jars of sauerkraut
and they've destroyed every even-numbered
zip code on the planet.
We're all doomed, doomed I tell ya!
Nothing.
True-Crime Tales, no wonder.
When Orson's reading detective stories
the rest of the world goes away.
Well, I think it's time someone taught piggo here a lesson
(laughing)
and I think I know just how to do it.
(laughing)
Booker, where are those old shoes the farmer threw out?
In the trash can.
Thank you.
Oh, I am so rotten.
Here Bossie.
(cow mooing)
There you go.
What's the matter,
you never saw a cow wearing shoes before?
Boy that was a good book.
I wonder what time it is?
Oh no, I promised Lanolin I'd milk the cow hours ago.
That's okay, I can do it now
and she'll never know the difference.
Somebody stole the cow.
Bossie, Bossie, where are you?
Bossie!
Shhh, nice cow, quiet cow.
Bossy, you in there?
You couldn't be in there, why did I even look in there?
Hey, like uno problemo Orson?
Someone stole our cow!
What an utter disaster man, like what are we gonna do?
This looks like a job for detective Sergeant Orson.
I'm going to investigate.
Like wait a second dude, I'll be your partner.
Good, we'll start a full-scale investigation right away.
Oh, thanks for the coats.
Don't worry, there's no problem, it's my extreme pleasure.
This is the farm, it's a nice place to live
if you don't mind watching where you walk.
Most folks here are honest, except for every other episode
when my brothers show up.
When folks start stealing cows though
that's when I go to work.
My name is Orson, I'm a pig.
6:35 p.m. It was a dark evening,
I was working the farm watch out of the cattle division.
That's my partner, Bo sheep.
Bossie the cow was missing and all we had to show for it
were a few sets of fresh footprints.
Looks like three men with big feet no other prints around.
But if that's true then--
This is going to be harder to solve than I thought.
We don't know anyone who wears shoes, come on.
Orson, I was wondering--
I'm gonna have RNI run an FBI ID while the DA
puts out an APB on the CTs.
CTs?
Yeah that's police talk for cow thieves, let's go.
6:35 p.m. my partner and I interrogated a chicken
who live near the barn.
Was just a hunch, but it was better than nothing.
Thank you ma'am, we appreciate your cooperation.
Read back what she said Lieutenant Sheep.
Buk bakaw, buk buk.
Buk buk bakaw, buk buk buk e buk bakaw.
Oh wait, then she went back and changed
bakaw buk buk to buk buk bakaw.
As I suspected, she's changing her story.
Let's go look for more suspects.
One other thing, that pen your writing with
What about it?
It should be a pencil.
6:35 p.m. we interrogated a horse for 55 minutes
before one of us realized that horses don't talk.
Another dead end.
6:35 p.m. we stopped for lunch.
I don't mind telling you this one's got me stumped Mister.
Orson, I mean Sarge,
I was wondering about those footprints.
This has got to be the work of a gang.
We know there were at least three of them.
One other thing Lieutenant, that sandwich I just had,
the ketchup on it
Yeah, what about it?
It should have been mustard.
6:35 p.m. I noticed that my watch
had been stopped for some time now.
20 minutes later, our first breakthrough.
A Wade Duck was acting very suspicious.
What do you know about the cow?
What cow?
The cow in the barn.
I just went by the barn, there's no cow in there.
We know there isn't.
Then why do you ask me about it?
We want to know who took it.
Probably, this is just a wild guess on my part,
a cow thief?
We were getting no place in a hurry.
Finally we decided to resort to drastic measures.
My partner brought in the flashlight.
Alright duck, I've heard enough of this.
Give him the flashlight.
Oh no, not the flashlight!
stop, stop I can not take it any longer!
I confess, whatever it is I did it
or if I didn't do it, I'll go do it
just so I can be guilty of that too.
Over the next hour or so,
I'm not sure, my watch is broken,
Wade Duck confessed to 173 offenses,
including wearing wax lips out of season,
impersonating a spatula, and putting lettuce and tomato
on a corned beef sandwich,
but not a word about the missing cow.
We moved on to our next witness.
And then, then I ate the middle part of some bread
without eating the crusts.
Oh, I'm so ashamed.
And then I phoned information for numbers
I could have looked at myself.
Oh lock me up and throw away the key.
Still 6:35 on my watch, we had a talk with Booker chick.
No, nothing out of the ordinary.
You're sure of this are you?
No odd visitors in the neighborhood?
Only weird thing I've seen lately is Roy
fishing shoes out of the trash can.
Mm-hmm, I see, well if you come up with anything else
please get in touch with us.
That bit about the shoes reminds me man--
There are three thieves out there
and we're gonna catch them.
No, that's what you deduced here and it's wrong.
You're the one who's wrong, three crooks, let me show you.
See, one set, two, three,
and they were all wearing boots at the time.
One set of footprints is missing man.
What do you mean, one set is missing?
Whose footprints are missing?
The cows.
My trusty Lieutenant had an interesting point,
where were the cows prints?
Hey, like the way I figure it,
you don't have three guy's prints here,
you have one guy plus a cow wearing shoes.
A cow wearing shoes?
Uh-huh.
That's ridiculous, it's silly, it's embarrassing, it's
It's the only answer.
And remember what Booker said earlier?
Only that Roy had taken a lot of old shoes from thrash
Come on, why didn't you point this out sooner?
Like, you wouldn't let me man.
There it is, Roy's Coop.
This is the way we milk the cow,
we milk the cow, we milk the cow.
Hi guys, still reading those detective novels Ors?
(laughing)
Roy--
Hold it Orson, you were the one who was too busy
with some detective novel to milk the cow.
I've done it for you, see?
The rooster dudes right Ors.
So I can't arrest him?
Well, he did steal the cow.
For a good cause.
This ones a tuffy, I think we should hold a trial man.
(Narrator) The suspect was found guilty
of unlawful possession of a moo cow.
In light of his explanation that it was a practical joke,
the jury voted a special appropriate punishment.
Justice isn't pretty.
(upbeat instrumental music)
So what do you want to do tonight Penelope?
I don't care Garfield just as long as we do it together.
I thought we might go to the drive-in.
Another Kung Fu Creatures movie?
You got it, but this is an educational one,
Oh quick, we gotta hide!
It's just a van, Garfield!
Garfield, what was that all about?
That's the van from the animal shelter, look.
They cruise around to find stray cats
and when they find one they catch it and take it in.
No cats around here.
What do they do to a cat when they catch one?
Trust me, you don't wanna know.
Oh Garfield, you saved me.
I wanna take you home to meet mama.
Mama?
I don't know about that Penelope, I--
(speaking foreign language)
Oh, hi Lorelei.
Lorelei let me introduce--
Oh my sweet wonderful Garfield,
it is so good to see you again.
Oh you are so handsome.
Well, you're not exactly
stuffed cabbage yourself there Lorelei.
(Penelope clearing throat)
But you are, how do you say, so masculine, so macho.
So true.
So taken.
Oh right, Lorelei this is uh
Penelope!
Right Penelope, Penelope this is Lorelei.
Ah, she is so cute Garfield.
Oh your niece perhaps?
I'm his date, tell her Garfield.
Well, I was gonna--
You see, like he said, I'm his date
and he's taking me to a movie tonight.
Come on Garfield, take me to a movie tonight.
Yes, I hope you enjoy your last date.
(laughing)
(upbeat instrumental music)
Okay, two adults and two kids in the back, thank you.
Two adults in the front, three kids in the back, thank you.
One adult in the front, two cats on the roof, thank you.
Can you hear now?
Everything's fine.
No, not everything.
Ah, here it comes.
Rats, I'll get the next one.
Another cat, that's it, I'm calling the animal shelter.
Oh they must be here someplace.
Garfield is too cute to be wasted on that common one.
Yeah hello, animal shelter?
This is a drive-in over here on Fremont.
The place is crawling with cats.
Yeah right, send a truck right over.
Oh, isn't this romantic Garfield?
Mm-hmm.
Just you and me and the Kung Fu Creatures.
I really would like to take you home to meet mama.
Mama!
Excuse me, I need to go get a soda and a hot dog
and maybe some of those candy things
that stick to your back teeth for months.
Hurry back Garfield, that is if you're coming back.
I wish she'd stop saying that word, mama.
When a woman wants you to meet her mother,
she's getting way too serious about you joining the family.
Oh we meet again my Garfield.
Lorelei.
I thought perhaps you might have something
you wanted to ask me.
Yes, which way is the refreshment stand?
Nevermind, I smell chili fries.
Now I will tickle you under the chin.
Lorelei, no not that, that always drives me crazy.
Oh, she's got me, oh I'm guacamole in her hands, oh.
Garfield, Garfield?
Garfield!
Oh Lorelei, Lorelei.
Which chin would you like to be tickled under next?
Any of them.
(crying)
Wait stop, I'm on a date with someone and it isn't you.
Garfield!
Don't Garfield me, I'm here with Penelope.
Penelope!
Oh these kittens, someday I will find myself a real cat.
Penelope!
Penelope, where could she have gone?
I thought Garfield was something special
and I thought he thought I was something special.
And I thought that he thought that I thought that,
wait a minute, I thought--
Well, that's one.
Garfield help!
Penelope!
Oh no, the animal shelter guys got her.
Ooh, I need a brilliant idea and I need it in a hurry.
Hey, there, that's where they project the movie
for the drive-in from.
PENELOPE: Garfield!
Cut your yowlin',
we'll be back at the shelter in five minutes.
(screaming)
What's going on, I can't see?
Help, Kung Fu creatures are attacking me, help, help!
PENELOPE: Garfield!
Coming!
Oh Garfield you saved me, you're my hero!
I know, come on, I'll walk you home.
Really, that French cat meant nothing to you?
Nothing at all, honest.
Well, since you saved me,
now you have to meet mama.
Mama?
Oh gee Penelope, you're awfully nice and all, but I--
Here we are, Mama's Pizzeria.
Pizzeria?
Sure, didn't I ever tell you this is where I live?
Oh Penelope, you and your friend,
you have a pizza or two see.
Garfield, what's wrong?
Tickle me right under here.
Like this?
Ooh, woo hoo, yes.
I love it, yes.
This is the happiest I have ever been in my life.
(upbeat instrumental music)