Grace and Frankie (2015) s06e08 Episode Script
The Short Rib
1 Well, I don't know why I came here tonight Got the feelin' that somethin' ain't right I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs And there's clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right Here I am stuck in the middle with you Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you Ooh, ooh Nick? I'm sorry I'm late.
I know I've missed dinner.
Mrs.
Skolka, thank God you're home.
What's this? What does it look like? A hostage situation? Um, may? May I be excused? - You don't have to ask - Yes, you may.
Well, thank you for a lovely evening.
There's an apple tart in the oven.
Again, I I apologize.
You know, Frankie had a thing.
Frankie always has a thing.
I have one thing.
I want to spend time with my wife.
As affectionate as Chef Bert is, somehow, it-it's just not the same.
I want more time with you, too.
And I promise you I'll make it up to you.
Fine.
You can start on Thursday.
Absolutely.
What What's Thursday? We leave for Hawaii.
The Food and Wine Festival.
Oh, God.
That's next weekend? Saturday is Frankie Fest 2020.
Okay, just because Frankie gave her birthday a name doesn't make it a festival.
But I've been appointed grand marshal.
I have a hat.
And we've planned this vacation for months.
I know.
And I was incredibly excited about it until I forgot.
But it's just, you know how crazy Frankie gets.
Yeah, I was at Frankie Fest 2019.
In fact, I sponsored it.
Shouldn't that get us off the hook for this year? Missing her birthday to go to a place with a chocolate lazy river? I mean, that's a double whammy! This is the part where you say, "Well, why don't we just bring Frankie?" I see you're not saying that.
This was supposed to be a romantic getaway.
No third wheels.
Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Frankie's got her own wheel.
His name is Jack.
We could bring them both.
Celebrate her big day, and then send them both down the chocolate river to their own villa.
I don't know.
I met Frankie's last boyfriend, and his rattail.
Where did this one wash up from? From your charity event.
Still I don't want to go away with a guy I don't know.
How about we all have dinner tomorrow night? That way you can get to know Jack for yourself.
And if the two of you hit it off, then we pull the trigger on Hawaii.
And if we don't? I'll have to give back the hat.
- No, they charge for it.
- Just throw that away then.
- They charge us.
- And we won't Uh, look what Dan just brought me.
I don't like this.
You guys are so cute.
Yes.
What could be cuter than two grown men wearing bibs that say "Beef Brothers"? Come on, get pumped.
Besides, our short rib is already waist-deep in marinade.
It's T-minus 22 hours until short rib o'clock.
Up top! Okay, we'll let you two get back to it.
Hey, are we still on for the Flower Fields before dinner? Totally jazzed.
I might have to get down on all fours just to really smell the blooms.
- Bye.
- Smell the blooms.
- Not in the bib.
- Oh, okay.
Um, we're gonna go stretch our stomachs for tomorrow.
Okay, let's go.
So cute.
You know that was all bullshit about him loving the flowers and smelling the blooms, right? It was his idea to go.
Right.
That's because you're in the early part of your relationship when he's pretending to like everything that you like.
He's not pretending.
We just happen to like the same things.
- Like what? - Like hot yoga, pistachio gelato, "The Joy Luck Club".
Okay, if he says he likes "The Joy Luck Club", then you haven't even met him yet.
What? What straight man likes a sweeping drama about women reckoning with maternal sacrifice? He's evolved! Sorry I'm not as cynical as you, but Dan is who he says he is.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- And who's his favorite musician? - Ed Sheeran.
Oh I think we're done here.
Frankie Fest, Hawaii Edition.
I love that idea! I knew there was a reason I made you grand marshal.
This is much bigger, though, than Frankie Fest.
Oh, bite your tongue.
No, imagine, Nick and Jack become friends, and the four of us all hang out, all the time.
Even in the bath? Not in the bath.
Okay, we'll hash out that specific later.
Look, the point is, you and I will never have to choose between our fellas and each other.
But wait.
What if the guys don't hit it off tonight? Oh, they will hit it off, because we're gonna make them hit it off.
And if worst comes to worst, I've always got Twister and four tabs of acid in the linen closet.
This could really lead to all kinds of couple adventures.
Yes! After Hawaii, we could swing by Japan to soak in the hot springs with snow monkeys.
We'll hash out that specific later.
"Reggie Teinert is survived by his wife, Dorothy, their four children, and 12 grandchildren".
Poor things.
"Their names are" Is this really necessary, Sol? Robert, we are going to this memorial service, and my decision is final, and Was I convincing that time? No.
Because for the fifth time, I do not remember this guy.
That's why they have photo displays at funerals.
And to honor the deceased, of course.
We'll catch the next one.
But you and Reggie served together.
Over 50 years ago! What about his widow? She went to all that trouble of tracking you down.
Maybe she's just like one of those mothers who invites everyone in the class to her son's birthday.
Robert, I've thought about this a lot lately, and when my day comes - Sol! - Whether from cancer or the stress of trying to pick the fastest moving line at Whole Foods, I hope folks show up for me.
Fine.
But we sit in the back, and we leave during the closing hymn.
These things are really just about putting butts in seats.
And honoring the deceased, of course.
Of course.
Hey, so let me ask you something, and you have to promise to be totally honest.
- Great, that sounds ominous.
- No, no, it's nothing bad.
So, you know how we both love "The Joy Luck Club"? Oh, yeah.
What's your favorite scene? I really couldn't pick a favorite.
Pick one.
Okay, um Oh, uh, y-you know that that awesome one uh, where you first see Joy Luck.
- Joy Luck is not a person! - Oh, shit.
You don't even like Ed Sheeran, do you? I hate his voice, hate his face.
So you were just saying all that stuff because you thought I would like it? Has no man ever done this to you before? I know I'm punching above my weight here.
Look, I like you.
I just I want to know the real you.
Why? I thought we had a good thing going.
I just I don't want to screw it up.
Won't we screw it up if we're not being ourselves? Here, I'll start.
I hold grudges.
Margo Clark stole my boyfriend in college, and I just left her waxing studio a bad Yelp review.
I might have used the words "staph infection".
Your turn.
I don't hold grudges.
But I have been told I have a difficult time admitting I'm wrong.
I strongly disagree, obviously.
Look at us being real.
Does this mean we can bail on the flower thing? Or are you gonna hold a grudge? Till the day you die.
Oh, all right.
All right.
Yay, flowers.
Ah.
You, sir, are a sight for old eyes.
You're not so bad yourself.
Hey, Jack.
Oh.
Are you grooming me? It's just a little thing we do for all our dinner guests.
How cosmopolitan.
Jack, could I get you some water, or or tea, or maybe a quieter tie? What's happening here? Nothing.
You've never worked for the IRS.
- Is that correct? - Correct.
And, uh, when Nick comes, be sure to make eye contact.
He thinks it's a sign of strength.
And it's always better to be a good listener than a good talker.
Pop quiz.
What did I just say? Uh, I'm I'm picking up a weird vibe here.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Jack.
We want tonight to to go really well, and Nick is kind of a hard sell.
Oh, ladies, relax.
I'm the guy that convinced Capitol Records to let Garth Brooks do the "Chris Gaines" album.
If I could sell that soul patch, I could sell anything.
Wasn't that whole thing a complete disaster? I told Garth it was a bad idea! - Ugh, great, now I'm sweating.
- Just be yourself.
Without that tie.
All I know is I was on Facebook two days ago, and now they won't let me back in.
As your begrudging IT specialist, I ask that you own your part in this.
I feel that Facebook hates me.
Okay, now your password is reset.
"Frankie's dying, but I can't watch.
I'm in too much pain".
Dad? Why? She was dying of laughter at that hilarious Marge video, "When an ostrich attacks".
Except you didn't actually post Marge's video.
And now someone named Nan Jo Steen is sharing memories of Mom and asking when she can bring a casserole.
Oh, no.
Can we fix this? Just be glad that most of your Facebook friends are cats.
How do I look? Great.
Just lose the shades when we get to the funeral home.
Oh, no, they stay on, so no one can see I'm not crying.
Nick, did you know that Jack was in the music business? That's right.
Go on, honey.
Tell him what kind of music you like.
Uh, you know, all kinds.
No way.
Jack likes all kinds of music, too.
What a coincidence.
If it hadn't just happened, I wouldn't have believed it.
Nick, did you know that Jack used to be super rich? That's terrible.
I'm so sorry.
Well, you should know better than anyone that money can't buy you happiness.
He's joking.
It's a joke.
Grace and I are thinking we should all go to Japan and soak with the snow monkeys.
We haven't hashed out that specific.
In Nagano Are you fluent in Japanese? Would you say I was fluent if I could walk into the biggest record label in Tokyo and negotiate a landmark deal for Yoko Ono in her native Japonic language? Wow.
Then no.
They had absolutely no idea what I was saying.
And Yoko did not come out on top.
But I loved being over there.
Japanese baseball is my religion.
Get out! I'm a Yomiuri Giant.
What's your team? Oh.
The Nippon-Ham Fighters.
- Obviously.
- Oh.
But I did once catch a home run hit by Sadaharu Oh.
Broke my hand.
Best compound fracture of my life.
Nothing.
I got nothing.
Still nothing.
Maybe you were his senior officer? A wartime role model? I was the ship's weatherographer, and I never left the Caribbean.
The greatest contribution I made to the war was telling hungover sailors to buck up.
And maybe those were precisely the words a young, impressionable Reggie needed to hear.
- Hello, I'm Sol.
- Sol.
And this is Robert from the Navy.
Robert! Oh! Finally, we meet.
My condolences.
Thank you so much for coming.
We saved a seat for you right up front.
Oh, no, no, no.
We'd hate to intrude on family.
Oh, hush.
You practically are family.
Uh, sir, could you show Robert and Sol to their seats? Where did you two sneak off to? I had my booze concierge deliver a vintage bottle of Yamazaki.
Wow, Nick doesn't get the Yamazaki for just any man.
I hope not.
It's a hundred dollars a sip.
- Ooh.
- Jack.
- You've been to Hawaii, right? - Ooh.
How would you two like to join us there for Frankie's birthday next weekend? There's a food and wine soirée, all-star lineup.
And we can have Emeril whip up a cake.
Are you serious? I love Emeril! - Bam! - Oh! Oh, Nick, I love that spontaneous idea that just came to you all on your own.
Oh, so it's a plan.
Here's to Hawaii! - Hawaii.
- Hawaii.
To Hawaii.
To the Fab Four! We should all get matching haircuts.
I'll get it.
Goodness.
Is this an aphrodisiac? Jac-Jacob? What are you doing here? I'm here to see Frankie.
Oh, well, unfortunately, it's not a good time.
I know.
I saw the news on Facebook.
That's why I came.
On Facebook? What What do you mean? - I'm so sorry, Grace.
- Uh Frankie! Frankie! Oh! Jacob.
Oh, Frankie.
Jacob is Frankie's former yam supplier.
Oh.
Apparently just in from Santa Fe.
Uh How are you feeling, Frankie? Well, um, okay, all things considered.
I I'm, uh I'm a little bloated.
My knees hurt.
My back, too.
It doesn't like to be upstaged.
Oh, my hearing is shot.
It's all falling apart, really.
Jacob.
Jacob, you remember Nick.
And this is Jack, Frankie's boyfriend.
They're getting very serious, and we're all going to Hawaii together.
You always did live life to the fullest.
Oh.
Yeah, he's going in for another one.
And when you make the reservation, they let you pick out the specific rib you're going to eat.
Oh, wait.
Where are our rib bibs? Oh, no.
They must have gotten burned when I lit them on fire.
But Mallory said we looked so cute.
I lied.
I love it when you are honest about lying.
Your cabernet.
Oh, actually, these are the wrong glasses.
- I'm sorry, I'll - These are Bourgogne glasses.
They're used for more complex and velvety reds.
Oh, it's going to be a long night.
I apologize.
Just one moment.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry.
I used to wait tables, so I guess I have high standards.
You know what? You were right.
I'm glad you said something.
And I'm glad our waiter's going to go spit in our food.
I'm gonna see if he needs anything.
Jordy! I have loved Reggie since I met him.
And I will never stop loving him.
We are blessed to have someone very special with us.
Robert? Robert, would you say a few words? It would mean so much to Reggie.
You should probably go with the "buck up" story.
What the hell is Jacob doing here? And where the "H" did I hide my emergency Starburst? You gnawed through it all during the broadcast of Peter Pan LIVE! I wanted it to succeed.
Unlike someone I know.
Hey.
Jacob said he saw the news on Facebook.
What What could that mean? I did post a selfie of me and Jack on our two-month textiversary.
It might have gone viral.
I wouldn't know.
I spilled Hawaiian Punch all over my MacBook, and it dead.
That's it.
I will bet you a purse full of Starburst he found out you're in a relationship, and he can't handle it.
You think? You haven't heard from Jacob since you broke up.
Now he shows up the minute you have a new boyfriend? It is weird he didn't phone first.
I could've been in Japan.
And boy, he laid it on thick.
He even hugged me.
He hates me! That's true.
But it's unlike Jacob to resort to hug warfare.
Oh, he's a man.
It's typical male behavior.
Only wanting what they can't have.
Well, of course he still wants me.
If anything, he's a victim, helpless against my enchantments.
Do you really have a purse full of Starburst? So, Jacob, how are you? I just can't help but be angry with God.
Frankie, you're happy with Jack, right? Like Bill Murray in a photobomb.
Yeah.
Then you have to get back in there and send Jacob packing.
Now? In the night? In the dark? You don't want Jack to get the wrong idea now that things are starting to fall into place.
N-Now that Nick loves Jack, we're this close to having it all.
That guy is sucking all the air out of that room.
I feel like he's coming for my lungs next.
- Preaching to the choir here, fella.
- Jack, on the other hand Frankie, what a catch.
Yeah.
It's worth protecting, don't you think? Man alive, how many times do I have to break up with this guy? There was a heaviness aboard the ship that day.
Morale was low.
- There was a tropical storm - This is Henson, right? - Palm trees swayed violently - Hanson, actually.
Right.
It's amazing to be able to put a face to the story.
- The story? - Then I found Reggie on the main deck.
He's probably too proud to talk about it.
I mean, to pull Reggie out of the bombed-out ship moments before it sank into the port of Saigon.
I approached him, and I said, "Hello".
And that would be the Vietnamese Saigon? Not Not the Caribbean one? I could tell he was tired.
I looked into Reggie's eyes, the eyes of youth, of innocence, of fear, of war.
And I said "Buck up".
And by God, did he buck up.
He bucked up for himself that day, but he also bucked up for America.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Really moving, sir.
- Thank you.
There's been a mistake.
Wonderful speech.
They think you're Henson, not Hanson.
Henson, Hanson.
We were all brothers, Sol.
Well, one brother doesn't remember Reggie, and the other brother pulled his unconscious body from the bloodied waters while Viet Cong bullets whizzed by.
Which brother do you think was invited to do the eulogy? This is punishment for leaving the house.
There she is.
There's my lady rib.
I love you so much.
Thank you, Jordy.
It means the world to us that you, you know, brought this over.
Just doing my job.
That's what all heroes say.
Okay.
Hey, you need to settle.
Okay, so, this five-pounder was smoked for eight hours - at 180 degrees.
- One hundred and eighty degrees.
Isn't this supposed to be a savory brown? 'Cause what I'm seeing is black.
- Oh, shit.
- He was a waiter.
He has a great eye for meat.
Uh, what you're seeing is a lightly charred surface, finished with - Scallion oil.
- I think I know burnt when I see it.
And you've got that great eye for meat, so It's not burnt.
It's charred.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Well, those are synonyms.
No.
No, they're not.
They're different words.
Don't worry, I got this.
I think we're gonna have to send this back.
No! No, we're not.
All the other ribs are taken.
Tell him, Jordy.
Barry is correct, sir.
This is the last one.
Uh, this one is fine, right? This is fine.
- No, it's not! - This is fine.
This is fine.
It's not.
We paid good money for this.
Well, actually, Barry paid And it is burnt.
You'll see when I cut into it Oh, no, no! I I will cut into it.
And you know what I'm gonna see when I get in there, huh? Burnt stuff! Yeah.
Dan.
Dan, don't Aha! Ha! See? See? What color is that? Hmm? Savory brown.
Sir, I'm afraid you're wrong.
I am not wrong! It is scorched! Look! Dude! What the fuck? Jordy, more wine.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're too late.
It's moving that fast? Hey, at our age, you have to make every minute count.
You're so brave.
Oh, how am I supposed to compete with that? He grows his own vegetables, and I travel with two inhalers.
But you've got new guy energy.
That guy's angry at God.
You're fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
Let's keep our eye on the prize, people.
- Frankie? - Hawaii? We will have both.
So, have you got a second opinion? Well, in matters like this, I I like to think that I'm the final authority.
But if you must know, Grace and Nick are pretty stoked on it.
What the hell does that even mean? Fine, I'll say it.
They're Team Jack.
And Grace is right, you only came sniffin' around because I'm off the market.
Frankie.
I didn't come here because you're dating someone.
You didn't? I came here because I found out you're dying.
Could you repeat that last part? Looks like it's my turn to buck up.
Thank you again.
That was quite the speech.
Dorothy, I have to tell you something.
It's not too late.
We can still get out of here.
Is what Robert said to Reggie, as he was stabbing a shark and pulling him to safety.
It's okay, Sol.
I am not who you think I am.
I'm Robert Hanson, not Henson.
The Robert Hanson that attended basic training in NTC San Diego in '63? Well, yes.
But I am not the man who saved your husband.
I know that.
That was Henson.
And between us, he turned out to be a bit of a jackass.
Can we say that about a war hero? Bless his heart.
Sure, we're forever grateful, but he lorded that over Reggie his whole life.
He even guilted us into funding his son's student film, which turned out to be pretty offensive.
Then why did you reach out to me, of all people? - Reggie never told you, did he? - Hmm? He struggled all through basic training.
And one day, when he already had two strikes against him, he forgot to polish his shoes.
And when the commander came in to inspect them, they were perfect, because someone had shined them for Reggie.
I did.
Robert does love a shiny shoe.
If Reggie had failed that inspection They would have revoked his liberty.
Well, I am glad he was able to get off the base that weekend, but what I did was hardly an act of valor.
Sweetie, that was the weekend he met me.
We were married for 50 years.
He told our kids that story all the time.
You taught us how far a little kindness can go.
Oh, you've got to meet everyone.
Let me go and corral the troops.
Junior! Henson saved his life, but Hanson gave him one.
- I just can't believe it.
- Why? You've been looking after me for 30 years.
Only because I didn't think you were looking.
Aww.
Oh! He said we were beef brothers.
He put on a fucking bib.
How many apologies is that? Ten text messages, 17 facepalm emojis, and however many times he said, "I am such a fuck-knuckle", as security escorted him out.
These are very heartfelt, though.
You can't keep seeing him.
You know that, right? He assassinated our dinner.
May it rest in peace.
- It's not like he punched a person.
- Even worse.
He punched a short rib.
Nobody's perfect, right? And he's so good with the kids.
Oh, my gosh.
- He punched a short rib.
- Yeah.
I know.
I know.
It's just Now I have to start all over with someone else? Listen, on the plus side, you get to drag a new person to see those dumb flowers.
And you get to have lots of hot sex to the sounds of Ed Sheeran.
You guys seeing this? Table 12 didn't finish their rib.
Ma'am, I'm so sorry.
Thank God.
I think I've been holding my breath since I saw Sol's post.
Well, I feel like just kicking him in the shins for putting you through all this.
I can't imagine how I would feel if I found out I was dying via Facebook.
I was so shaken.
I was standing in line to buy a green-chile torta when I saw it on my phone.
I walked out of the market, got in my car, and drove 13 hours straight here.
You walked away from a Santa Fe Sammich during peak chile season just for me? Frankie.
Of course I did.
Oh! Yeah.
Okay, it's it's a dynamic situation, but we have to dictate the tempo.
You have to up your game.
- Do you have any candy in your pocket? - What? No.
What? He just said I had new guy energy.
I know I did, buddy.
But now it's up to you to breathe life into those words.
I cannot believe you drove all the way here, and now you've got to drive all the way back.
Let me get you a can of gas for the road.
I'm not going back to Santa Fe just yet.
You're not? Grace was right about one thing.
I didn't know what I had until it was gone.
And I am not gonna make that same mistake again.
Why do I get the feeling the four of us are not going to Hawaii? I'm just feeling all alone In this world out far And I've been wrapped in imitations For the love I sought Through the risings of the water And the nights of endless black I know my sister's always got my back I'm just a long Long way from home I ain't chose the path I roam And it's a long way home Okay, good night!
I know I've missed dinner.
Mrs.
Skolka, thank God you're home.
What's this? What does it look like? A hostage situation? Um, may? May I be excused? - You don't have to ask - Yes, you may.
Well, thank you for a lovely evening.
There's an apple tart in the oven.
Again, I I apologize.
You know, Frankie had a thing.
Frankie always has a thing.
I have one thing.
I want to spend time with my wife.
As affectionate as Chef Bert is, somehow, it-it's just not the same.
I want more time with you, too.
And I promise you I'll make it up to you.
Fine.
You can start on Thursday.
Absolutely.
What What's Thursday? We leave for Hawaii.
The Food and Wine Festival.
Oh, God.
That's next weekend? Saturday is Frankie Fest 2020.
Okay, just because Frankie gave her birthday a name doesn't make it a festival.
But I've been appointed grand marshal.
I have a hat.
And we've planned this vacation for months.
I know.
And I was incredibly excited about it until I forgot.
But it's just, you know how crazy Frankie gets.
Yeah, I was at Frankie Fest 2019.
In fact, I sponsored it.
Shouldn't that get us off the hook for this year? Missing her birthday to go to a place with a chocolate lazy river? I mean, that's a double whammy! This is the part where you say, "Well, why don't we just bring Frankie?" I see you're not saying that.
This was supposed to be a romantic getaway.
No third wheels.
Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Frankie's got her own wheel.
His name is Jack.
We could bring them both.
Celebrate her big day, and then send them both down the chocolate river to their own villa.
I don't know.
I met Frankie's last boyfriend, and his rattail.
Where did this one wash up from? From your charity event.
Still I don't want to go away with a guy I don't know.
How about we all have dinner tomorrow night? That way you can get to know Jack for yourself.
And if the two of you hit it off, then we pull the trigger on Hawaii.
And if we don't? I'll have to give back the hat.
- No, they charge for it.
- Just throw that away then.
- They charge us.
- And we won't Uh, look what Dan just brought me.
I don't like this.
You guys are so cute.
Yes.
What could be cuter than two grown men wearing bibs that say "Beef Brothers"? Come on, get pumped.
Besides, our short rib is already waist-deep in marinade.
It's T-minus 22 hours until short rib o'clock.
Up top! Okay, we'll let you two get back to it.
Hey, are we still on for the Flower Fields before dinner? Totally jazzed.
I might have to get down on all fours just to really smell the blooms.
- Bye.
- Smell the blooms.
- Not in the bib.
- Oh, okay.
Um, we're gonna go stretch our stomachs for tomorrow.
Okay, let's go.
So cute.
You know that was all bullshit about him loving the flowers and smelling the blooms, right? It was his idea to go.
Right.
That's because you're in the early part of your relationship when he's pretending to like everything that you like.
He's not pretending.
We just happen to like the same things.
- Like what? - Like hot yoga, pistachio gelato, "The Joy Luck Club".
Okay, if he says he likes "The Joy Luck Club", then you haven't even met him yet.
What? What straight man likes a sweeping drama about women reckoning with maternal sacrifice? He's evolved! Sorry I'm not as cynical as you, but Dan is who he says he is.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- And who's his favorite musician? - Ed Sheeran.
Oh I think we're done here.
Frankie Fest, Hawaii Edition.
I love that idea! I knew there was a reason I made you grand marshal.
This is much bigger, though, than Frankie Fest.
Oh, bite your tongue.
No, imagine, Nick and Jack become friends, and the four of us all hang out, all the time.
Even in the bath? Not in the bath.
Okay, we'll hash out that specific later.
Look, the point is, you and I will never have to choose between our fellas and each other.
But wait.
What if the guys don't hit it off tonight? Oh, they will hit it off, because we're gonna make them hit it off.
And if worst comes to worst, I've always got Twister and four tabs of acid in the linen closet.
This could really lead to all kinds of couple adventures.
Yes! After Hawaii, we could swing by Japan to soak in the hot springs with snow monkeys.
We'll hash out that specific later.
"Reggie Teinert is survived by his wife, Dorothy, their four children, and 12 grandchildren".
Poor things.
"Their names are" Is this really necessary, Sol? Robert, we are going to this memorial service, and my decision is final, and Was I convincing that time? No.
Because for the fifth time, I do not remember this guy.
That's why they have photo displays at funerals.
And to honor the deceased, of course.
We'll catch the next one.
But you and Reggie served together.
Over 50 years ago! What about his widow? She went to all that trouble of tracking you down.
Maybe she's just like one of those mothers who invites everyone in the class to her son's birthday.
Robert, I've thought about this a lot lately, and when my day comes - Sol! - Whether from cancer or the stress of trying to pick the fastest moving line at Whole Foods, I hope folks show up for me.
Fine.
But we sit in the back, and we leave during the closing hymn.
These things are really just about putting butts in seats.
And honoring the deceased, of course.
Of course.
Hey, so let me ask you something, and you have to promise to be totally honest.
- Great, that sounds ominous.
- No, no, it's nothing bad.
So, you know how we both love "The Joy Luck Club"? Oh, yeah.
What's your favorite scene? I really couldn't pick a favorite.
Pick one.
Okay, um Oh, uh, y-you know that that awesome one uh, where you first see Joy Luck.
- Joy Luck is not a person! - Oh, shit.
You don't even like Ed Sheeran, do you? I hate his voice, hate his face.
So you were just saying all that stuff because you thought I would like it? Has no man ever done this to you before? I know I'm punching above my weight here.
Look, I like you.
I just I want to know the real you.
Why? I thought we had a good thing going.
I just I don't want to screw it up.
Won't we screw it up if we're not being ourselves? Here, I'll start.
I hold grudges.
Margo Clark stole my boyfriend in college, and I just left her waxing studio a bad Yelp review.
I might have used the words "staph infection".
Your turn.
I don't hold grudges.
But I have been told I have a difficult time admitting I'm wrong.
I strongly disagree, obviously.
Look at us being real.
Does this mean we can bail on the flower thing? Or are you gonna hold a grudge? Till the day you die.
Oh, all right.
All right.
Yay, flowers.
Ah.
You, sir, are a sight for old eyes.
You're not so bad yourself.
Hey, Jack.
Oh.
Are you grooming me? It's just a little thing we do for all our dinner guests.
How cosmopolitan.
Jack, could I get you some water, or or tea, or maybe a quieter tie? What's happening here? Nothing.
You've never worked for the IRS.
- Is that correct? - Correct.
And, uh, when Nick comes, be sure to make eye contact.
He thinks it's a sign of strength.
And it's always better to be a good listener than a good talker.
Pop quiz.
What did I just say? Uh, I'm I'm picking up a weird vibe here.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Jack.
We want tonight to to go really well, and Nick is kind of a hard sell.
Oh, ladies, relax.
I'm the guy that convinced Capitol Records to let Garth Brooks do the "Chris Gaines" album.
If I could sell that soul patch, I could sell anything.
Wasn't that whole thing a complete disaster? I told Garth it was a bad idea! - Ugh, great, now I'm sweating.
- Just be yourself.
Without that tie.
All I know is I was on Facebook two days ago, and now they won't let me back in.
As your begrudging IT specialist, I ask that you own your part in this.
I feel that Facebook hates me.
Okay, now your password is reset.
"Frankie's dying, but I can't watch.
I'm in too much pain".
Dad? Why? She was dying of laughter at that hilarious Marge video, "When an ostrich attacks".
Except you didn't actually post Marge's video.
And now someone named Nan Jo Steen is sharing memories of Mom and asking when she can bring a casserole.
Oh, no.
Can we fix this? Just be glad that most of your Facebook friends are cats.
How do I look? Great.
Just lose the shades when we get to the funeral home.
Oh, no, they stay on, so no one can see I'm not crying.
Nick, did you know that Jack was in the music business? That's right.
Go on, honey.
Tell him what kind of music you like.
Uh, you know, all kinds.
No way.
Jack likes all kinds of music, too.
What a coincidence.
If it hadn't just happened, I wouldn't have believed it.
Nick, did you know that Jack used to be super rich? That's terrible.
I'm so sorry.
Well, you should know better than anyone that money can't buy you happiness.
He's joking.
It's a joke.
Grace and I are thinking we should all go to Japan and soak with the snow monkeys.
We haven't hashed out that specific.
In Nagano Are you fluent in Japanese? Would you say I was fluent if I could walk into the biggest record label in Tokyo and negotiate a landmark deal for Yoko Ono in her native Japonic language? Wow.
Then no.
They had absolutely no idea what I was saying.
And Yoko did not come out on top.
But I loved being over there.
Japanese baseball is my religion.
Get out! I'm a Yomiuri Giant.
What's your team? Oh.
The Nippon-Ham Fighters.
- Obviously.
- Oh.
But I did once catch a home run hit by Sadaharu Oh.
Broke my hand.
Best compound fracture of my life.
Nothing.
I got nothing.
Still nothing.
Maybe you were his senior officer? A wartime role model? I was the ship's weatherographer, and I never left the Caribbean.
The greatest contribution I made to the war was telling hungover sailors to buck up.
And maybe those were precisely the words a young, impressionable Reggie needed to hear.
- Hello, I'm Sol.
- Sol.
And this is Robert from the Navy.
Robert! Oh! Finally, we meet.
My condolences.
Thank you so much for coming.
We saved a seat for you right up front.
Oh, no, no, no.
We'd hate to intrude on family.
Oh, hush.
You practically are family.
Uh, sir, could you show Robert and Sol to their seats? Where did you two sneak off to? I had my booze concierge deliver a vintage bottle of Yamazaki.
Wow, Nick doesn't get the Yamazaki for just any man.
I hope not.
It's a hundred dollars a sip.
- Ooh.
- Jack.
- You've been to Hawaii, right? - Ooh.
How would you two like to join us there for Frankie's birthday next weekend? There's a food and wine soirée, all-star lineup.
And we can have Emeril whip up a cake.
Are you serious? I love Emeril! - Bam! - Oh! Oh, Nick, I love that spontaneous idea that just came to you all on your own.
Oh, so it's a plan.
Here's to Hawaii! - Hawaii.
- Hawaii.
To Hawaii.
To the Fab Four! We should all get matching haircuts.
I'll get it.
Goodness.
Is this an aphrodisiac? Jac-Jacob? What are you doing here? I'm here to see Frankie.
Oh, well, unfortunately, it's not a good time.
I know.
I saw the news on Facebook.
That's why I came.
On Facebook? What What do you mean? - I'm so sorry, Grace.
- Uh Frankie! Frankie! Oh! Jacob.
Oh, Frankie.
Jacob is Frankie's former yam supplier.
Oh.
Apparently just in from Santa Fe.
Uh How are you feeling, Frankie? Well, um, okay, all things considered.
I I'm, uh I'm a little bloated.
My knees hurt.
My back, too.
It doesn't like to be upstaged.
Oh, my hearing is shot.
It's all falling apart, really.
Jacob.
Jacob, you remember Nick.
And this is Jack, Frankie's boyfriend.
They're getting very serious, and we're all going to Hawaii together.
You always did live life to the fullest.
Oh.
Yeah, he's going in for another one.
And when you make the reservation, they let you pick out the specific rib you're going to eat.
Oh, wait.
Where are our rib bibs? Oh, no.
They must have gotten burned when I lit them on fire.
But Mallory said we looked so cute.
I lied.
I love it when you are honest about lying.
Your cabernet.
Oh, actually, these are the wrong glasses.
- I'm sorry, I'll - These are Bourgogne glasses.
They're used for more complex and velvety reds.
Oh, it's going to be a long night.
I apologize.
Just one moment.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry.
I used to wait tables, so I guess I have high standards.
You know what? You were right.
I'm glad you said something.
And I'm glad our waiter's going to go spit in our food.
I'm gonna see if he needs anything.
Jordy! I have loved Reggie since I met him.
And I will never stop loving him.
We are blessed to have someone very special with us.
Robert? Robert, would you say a few words? It would mean so much to Reggie.
You should probably go with the "buck up" story.
What the hell is Jacob doing here? And where the "H" did I hide my emergency Starburst? You gnawed through it all during the broadcast of Peter Pan LIVE! I wanted it to succeed.
Unlike someone I know.
Hey.
Jacob said he saw the news on Facebook.
What What could that mean? I did post a selfie of me and Jack on our two-month textiversary.
It might have gone viral.
I wouldn't know.
I spilled Hawaiian Punch all over my MacBook, and it dead.
That's it.
I will bet you a purse full of Starburst he found out you're in a relationship, and he can't handle it.
You think? You haven't heard from Jacob since you broke up.
Now he shows up the minute you have a new boyfriend? It is weird he didn't phone first.
I could've been in Japan.
And boy, he laid it on thick.
He even hugged me.
He hates me! That's true.
But it's unlike Jacob to resort to hug warfare.
Oh, he's a man.
It's typical male behavior.
Only wanting what they can't have.
Well, of course he still wants me.
If anything, he's a victim, helpless against my enchantments.
Do you really have a purse full of Starburst? So, Jacob, how are you? I just can't help but be angry with God.
Frankie, you're happy with Jack, right? Like Bill Murray in a photobomb.
Yeah.
Then you have to get back in there and send Jacob packing.
Now? In the night? In the dark? You don't want Jack to get the wrong idea now that things are starting to fall into place.
N-Now that Nick loves Jack, we're this close to having it all.
That guy is sucking all the air out of that room.
I feel like he's coming for my lungs next.
- Preaching to the choir here, fella.
- Jack, on the other hand Frankie, what a catch.
Yeah.
It's worth protecting, don't you think? Man alive, how many times do I have to break up with this guy? There was a heaviness aboard the ship that day.
Morale was low.
- There was a tropical storm - This is Henson, right? - Palm trees swayed violently - Hanson, actually.
Right.
It's amazing to be able to put a face to the story.
- The story? - Then I found Reggie on the main deck.
He's probably too proud to talk about it.
I mean, to pull Reggie out of the bombed-out ship moments before it sank into the port of Saigon.
I approached him, and I said, "Hello".
And that would be the Vietnamese Saigon? Not Not the Caribbean one? I could tell he was tired.
I looked into Reggie's eyes, the eyes of youth, of innocence, of fear, of war.
And I said "Buck up".
And by God, did he buck up.
He bucked up for himself that day, but he also bucked up for America.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Really moving, sir.
- Thank you.
There's been a mistake.
Wonderful speech.
They think you're Henson, not Hanson.
Henson, Hanson.
We were all brothers, Sol.
Well, one brother doesn't remember Reggie, and the other brother pulled his unconscious body from the bloodied waters while Viet Cong bullets whizzed by.
Which brother do you think was invited to do the eulogy? This is punishment for leaving the house.
There she is.
There's my lady rib.
I love you so much.
Thank you, Jordy.
It means the world to us that you, you know, brought this over.
Just doing my job.
That's what all heroes say.
Okay.
Hey, you need to settle.
Okay, so, this five-pounder was smoked for eight hours - at 180 degrees.
- One hundred and eighty degrees.
Isn't this supposed to be a savory brown? 'Cause what I'm seeing is black.
- Oh, shit.
- He was a waiter.
He has a great eye for meat.
Uh, what you're seeing is a lightly charred surface, finished with - Scallion oil.
- I think I know burnt when I see it.
And you've got that great eye for meat, so It's not burnt.
It's charred.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Well, those are synonyms.
No.
No, they're not.
They're different words.
Don't worry, I got this.
I think we're gonna have to send this back.
No! No, we're not.
All the other ribs are taken.
Tell him, Jordy.
Barry is correct, sir.
This is the last one.
Uh, this one is fine, right? This is fine.
- No, it's not! - This is fine.
This is fine.
It's not.
We paid good money for this.
Well, actually, Barry paid And it is burnt.
You'll see when I cut into it Oh, no, no! I I will cut into it.
And you know what I'm gonna see when I get in there, huh? Burnt stuff! Yeah.
Dan.
Dan, don't Aha! Ha! See? See? What color is that? Hmm? Savory brown.
Sir, I'm afraid you're wrong.
I am not wrong! It is scorched! Look! Dude! What the fuck? Jordy, more wine.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're too late.
It's moving that fast? Hey, at our age, you have to make every minute count.
You're so brave.
Oh, how am I supposed to compete with that? He grows his own vegetables, and I travel with two inhalers.
But you've got new guy energy.
That guy's angry at God.
You're fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
Let's keep our eye on the prize, people.
- Frankie? - Hawaii? We will have both.
So, have you got a second opinion? Well, in matters like this, I I like to think that I'm the final authority.
But if you must know, Grace and Nick are pretty stoked on it.
What the hell does that even mean? Fine, I'll say it.
They're Team Jack.
And Grace is right, you only came sniffin' around because I'm off the market.
Frankie.
I didn't come here because you're dating someone.
You didn't? I came here because I found out you're dying.
Could you repeat that last part? Looks like it's my turn to buck up.
Thank you again.
That was quite the speech.
Dorothy, I have to tell you something.
It's not too late.
We can still get out of here.
Is what Robert said to Reggie, as he was stabbing a shark and pulling him to safety.
It's okay, Sol.
I am not who you think I am.
I'm Robert Hanson, not Henson.
The Robert Hanson that attended basic training in NTC San Diego in '63? Well, yes.
But I am not the man who saved your husband.
I know that.
That was Henson.
And between us, he turned out to be a bit of a jackass.
Can we say that about a war hero? Bless his heart.
Sure, we're forever grateful, but he lorded that over Reggie his whole life.
He even guilted us into funding his son's student film, which turned out to be pretty offensive.
Then why did you reach out to me, of all people? - Reggie never told you, did he? - Hmm? He struggled all through basic training.
And one day, when he already had two strikes against him, he forgot to polish his shoes.
And when the commander came in to inspect them, they were perfect, because someone had shined them for Reggie.
I did.
Robert does love a shiny shoe.
If Reggie had failed that inspection They would have revoked his liberty.
Well, I am glad he was able to get off the base that weekend, but what I did was hardly an act of valor.
Sweetie, that was the weekend he met me.
We were married for 50 years.
He told our kids that story all the time.
You taught us how far a little kindness can go.
Oh, you've got to meet everyone.
Let me go and corral the troops.
Junior! Henson saved his life, but Hanson gave him one.
- I just can't believe it.
- Why? You've been looking after me for 30 years.
Only because I didn't think you were looking.
Aww.
Oh! He said we were beef brothers.
He put on a fucking bib.
How many apologies is that? Ten text messages, 17 facepalm emojis, and however many times he said, "I am such a fuck-knuckle", as security escorted him out.
These are very heartfelt, though.
You can't keep seeing him.
You know that, right? He assassinated our dinner.
May it rest in peace.
- It's not like he punched a person.
- Even worse.
He punched a short rib.
Nobody's perfect, right? And he's so good with the kids.
Oh, my gosh.
- He punched a short rib.
- Yeah.
I know.
I know.
It's just Now I have to start all over with someone else? Listen, on the plus side, you get to drag a new person to see those dumb flowers.
And you get to have lots of hot sex to the sounds of Ed Sheeran.
You guys seeing this? Table 12 didn't finish their rib.
Ma'am, I'm so sorry.
Thank God.
I think I've been holding my breath since I saw Sol's post.
Well, I feel like just kicking him in the shins for putting you through all this.
I can't imagine how I would feel if I found out I was dying via Facebook.
I was so shaken.
I was standing in line to buy a green-chile torta when I saw it on my phone.
I walked out of the market, got in my car, and drove 13 hours straight here.
You walked away from a Santa Fe Sammich during peak chile season just for me? Frankie.
Of course I did.
Oh! Yeah.
Okay, it's it's a dynamic situation, but we have to dictate the tempo.
You have to up your game.
- Do you have any candy in your pocket? - What? No.
What? He just said I had new guy energy.
I know I did, buddy.
But now it's up to you to breathe life into those words.
I cannot believe you drove all the way here, and now you've got to drive all the way back.
Let me get you a can of gas for the road.
I'm not going back to Santa Fe just yet.
You're not? Grace was right about one thing.
I didn't know what I had until it was gone.
And I am not gonna make that same mistake again.
Why do I get the feeling the four of us are not going to Hawaii? I'm just feeling all alone In this world out far And I've been wrapped in imitations For the love I sought Through the risings of the water And the nights of endless black I know my sister's always got my back I'm just a long Long way from home I ain't chose the path I roam And it's a long way home Okay, good night!