Offspring (2010) s06e08 Episode Script

1 I bought the taqueria.
I on-sold it to a contact I have in Hong Kong.
I want to split it with you.
I don't want your dirty money.
Are you alright Zara? I'm fine.
I just thought I could do everything but I can't.
We all know it's a farce.
Why marry someone you're not having sex with? It's ridiculous.
Your baby is coming.
We'll figure it out.
Why did you never offer to give me an egg? Billie, if I donated an egg to you You don't need to give me anything.
It's all right, I'm going to bed.
I'm on a hormone treatment.
What for? I might be donating some eggs.
It will make you extremely fertile and easily aroused.
So keep away from any unwanted men.
You're holding me really tight.
Offspring 6x08 "Sisters Aren't Doing It for Themselves" Aug 31, 2016 [Linda.]
We've got 12 eggs for freezing.
Good quality.
Linda, pretend I'm a random patient and you don't know me.
Okay.
If I came in and I told you that I come into possession of some sperm, my deceased partner's sperm to be exact, what would you say? Well, I'd tell this random patient that these eggs can be frozen, they can be donated, they can become embryos.
They're all possibilities.
And that's a decision to make.
What would be your advice? Does this random patient ever plan to give Zoe a sibling? I don't know.
And you want me to make the decision for you? Yes.
Please.
I can't do that.
If you want to donate to your sister, you need to talk to your sister about it.
If you plan on having another baby, this is your time.
Can I think about it? These eggs are, they're ready to come out.
I can push it to the end of today.
What are you going to do, Nina? Offer the eggs to Billie, or use them yourself? ["When We Swam" playing.]
Oh why, oh why, oh why? Won't you sing? Bring your hips to me Oh, bring your hips Oh, oh, bring your hips to me To me Oh, bring your hips to me Oh, bring your hips Oh, oh, bring your hips to me To me To me Oh why, oh why? Oh why? Won't you sing? It's me.
Don't mind me.
I'm just here to steal from you.
- [Geraldine.]
Hi.
- [boy talking indistinctly.]
- Hi, guys.
- [Geraldine.]
Look.
You having a good time? - [Geraldine.]
Yeah.
- Yeah? Zoe's staying here tonight because of the wedding.
Nina's on best man duties.
Oh, of course.
- What do you need? - A saucepan.
Mmm-hmm.
I'll return it.
Within twelve months.
- This one? - Yeah.
There's a lid in there somewhere.
Ah.
Um, I'm going to have everyone around to have like a housewarming and a bit of a baby shower for Brody too, like a combined event.
Hello? Oh, I like Brody, I do.
Yeah, she's great.
[chuckles.]
She's a lot like you were at the same age.
- Yeah, I guess she is, yeah.
- Oh, you know she is.
Really just came around for a saucepan.
Darling.
- Mmm? - Where do you think it's going? I've found a house to live in and Brody's coming to stay.
And her pregnancy will be your pregnancy? Mum? And her baby will be your baby.
Is that how it goes? I know, everyone thinks that I don't know how to do anything, but I know how to do this.
Have you thought about what happens when she leaves? - She's not going to leave.
- Oh, yes.
Yes she is.
Because sooner or later that's what pregnant teenagers do.
They go home, to their mothers.
Thanks for the saucepan.
I'll see you at the wedding.
[water gushing.]
Tap's on.
[door closes.]
If you're watching this video, that means you have been summonsed to my nuptials.
Oh, God help us.
Yep, it's Martin's instructional wedding dance video.
Have you not see this? I've been purposely avoiding it.
Cherie, my wild, with your All those in favour of skipping the poem? My long sword's a quiver [video fast-forwarding.]
And now, for the dance that we shall all be performing together on the night.
Begin in two lines, fourth position [Kim sighs.]
[Clegg.]
Releve.
- [Kim.]
What? - [Clegg.]
Plie kick ball change, turn your partner [Kim.]
Oh, you're kidding.
and reset.
That's it.
I can't.
[Clegg.]
Please observe.
Hang on.
No.
Try this.
Ring the doorbell, spin emu, fang fang.
Skip on the spot.
Big round ball.
Blow the leaves.
Pineapple.
Blow the leaves.
Pineapple.
Fang fang.
Hep! - You're good.
- I am good.
I do love to dance, but I can't come to the wedding.
- Why? - Well, someone has to be here.
Fare thee well.
[Elvis hums.]
[Nina.]
Bite the bullet.
Talk to Billie.
Billie will know what to do.
[cellphone rings.]
Will.
Nina.
I need your help.
Jimmy hates me.
Well, hate is a strong word.
No, I think that's the right word.
Um, this thing just happened.
I ordered Jimmy through the app.
Morning.
Good morning.
No.
No way.
Get out.
Wait, wait, wait, I want you to take me a long way.
You're going to make like a hundred bucks.
Stop trying to give me money.
You can't buy yourself a brother.
Oh.
Yeah I know, right? Who gets offended by money? Anyway, then I kinda lost it.
Lost it? Fine, don't take my money.
But don't blame me anymore for you being stupid.
- Oh, stupid am I? - Yes.
Stupid.
You are where you are because of your decisions.
Stop treating me like I'm an asshole.
You are an asshole.
You offered me a shit deal and then you ransacked my business.
[Will groans.]
If the roles were reversed he would have done exactly the same thing to me.
[scoffs.]
No, he wouldn't.
Yes, he would.
[Nina.]
Jimmy would neverhave done to you what you did to him.
Well, if I hadn't have done it, somebody else would have.
Right.
What happened next? - I'm not an asshole! - You are an asshole! [Will.]
I'm not an asshole! You're a dickhead.
Get out of my car! Get out of my car! Go away! Loser! [Will.]
Well, he kicked me out and drove off! Will.
[Will.]
What? You didn't grow up with siblings, and siblings definitely challenge your ideas about yourself.
It's just that.
Jimmy can't be bought.
You have to think like him.
I don't, I don't follow.
Well, Jimmy's fun.
He's silly.
The way to get through to him is to make a fool of yourself.
[Will.]
I could sing him a stupid song or something.
Your sister's a six And you're a perfect ten No, he wouldn't be impressed by that.
Has to be mortifying.
[sighs.]
Mortifying.
What? What? What then? I don't know.
You'll think of something.
Okay, okay.
Thanks, Neens.
Is it all right if I call you Neens? Yeah, well, sure.
[Will.]
Thanks.
Bye.
[Nina.]
Siblings are good.
Should Zoe have a sibling? Hello.
How are you? Are you okay? Yes.
- You seem a little agitated.
- Yeah.
You still having the, um, injections? Yes.
Yep.
But today's the last day.
Great.
Well, this afternoon I'm having the eggs retrieved.
Will you be all right to drive? Do you want a ride home? Oh, yeah, yeah, thanks.
That'd be great.
And then? Then? What? Well, ah, your body will be yours again.
I'm hoping that means we can grab that dinner I was asking about.
[Nina.]
You should tell him about Patrick's sperm.
Look, I've got to ask.
The, um, the angry spooning after the buck's night.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
[both chuckle.]
Was it because you were all hormoned up Oh, I don't know.
or you think there's a possibility of something between us? Once we've dealt with these eggs? [Nina.]
Tell him.
I hope I'm doing the right thing.
With donating them to your sister? Yes.
Or I, or I, I could Tell him.
freeze them, to protect my own fertility.
Keeping your options open? Seems like a sensible thing.
Tell him.
Like ripping off a band-aid.
Look, our future, whatever it is, is independent of that.
It is? - Yeah.
- I hope so.
I I hope that, I hope that's true.
It is.
[Nina.]
Like Harry said, keep the options open.
Like an insurance policy.
And then we can make a decision later.
Maybe a sibling for Zoe.
And if Billie would like an egg in the future then we could talk about that.
Yes.
Linda, hi, it's Nina Proudman.
Yes.
Embryos.
Let's do it.
[Linda.]
I think you made a great choice.
This is going to be simple.
It's propofol, so you've got somebody to take you home? Yes, it's arranged.
Fantastic.
Let's get started.
I need you to confirm the name and date of birth on the straw please, Nina.
Reid, Patrick.
Twenty-fourth of the 4th '79.
Here comes the sedative.
See you in a little while.
Patrick.
[distorted voice.]
Wake up, Nina.
We've got eight eggs.
Eight, not twelve? Some weren't successful but eight is a great number.
I'm a working mother.
I'm high.
We're going to fertilise the eggs with Patrick's sperm, and then we'll observe the embryos for a few days until we either freeze them or implant them.
Hmm.
[chair rattles.]
There he is.
She's still a bit woozy.
It'll wear off but she'll sleep well tonight.
Hey.
He's so lovely.
He doesn't know.
Wow, let's, let's get you home.
I'll be in touch, Nina.
Carved out of a mountain.
Pick me up.
- Carry me.
- Yeah? Yeah.
Come.
Hmm.
Whoa.
- He's carrying me.
- [chuckles.]
[Nina.]
Straight to bed, sleep this off in private and no one ever has to know.
[Billie.]
Hey.
[Nina.]
Oh, no.
Staging a raid.
What's this? Hey.
Are you drunk? No, I'm not drunk.
Just on drugs.
What'd you give her? No, not me.
Neens? What's going on? Secret.
We Yeah, we have been We've we just were - You're a shit liar.
- I am.
I'm shit at it.
Hey, just tell me what's going on.
Harry helped me find my egg.
And now I can give one to you.
I had some eggs taken out for you, because I want you to have a baby, Billie.
- I think maybe we - No, wait, because I was gonna explain.
- Let me explain.
- [Billie.]
Oh.
Billie, we'll make your baby next month.
Because I did something different.
Patrick's sperm.
That's what happened.
I didn't tell you because you said we were separate from that.
And I wanted you to still like me.
I don't know what she's saying.
Nina, what did you do with Patrick's sperm? I used it.
Made embryos.
- Neens.
- [Nina grunts.]
Did you know about this? Ah, she told me she was donating an egg to you.
No, I said I was checking to see if I could.
That's how it started.
I told you a bit and I told you a different bit.
I love you, Billie.
Um, I need to, I need to go.
- Yeah, of course.
- Goodnight.
You know I need the darkness Just as much as I need The light You know I need solitude Just as much as I need you by my side [Nina snoring.]
[Nina.]
Two o'clock.
The wedding.
What have you done? What did you say? Billie.
Over, it's not over till it's over It's not over, yeah It's not over [Nina.]
Oh, my God.
[bells tolling.]
[Jimmy.]
Good afternoon.
Welcome.
Well, here we are.
- Hello, lovely people.
- Hello.
Zoe's inside.
[Nina.]
Billie.
Can we just [Jimmy.]
Welcome.
I want to explain how this happened.
Not today.
I don't think it's fair to Cherie and Martin if we have this out at their wedding.
I regret everything.
Okay.
[peacocks squawking.]
Well, I'll take whatever response you have.
I've earned it.
Like I said, just not today.
- Okay.
- Okay, thanks.
Aha! Here he is.
Nina, Nina.
May I introduce the older, smarter, more charming of the Clegg brothers.
Benedict Clegg, Esquire.
- Hello, Benedict.
- Hello.
Nina is single.
- Oh.
- Yes.
Hey, man, great costume.
- It's not a costume.
- [chuckles.]
Cool.
- Well, entree.
- Merci, Monsieur.
- Shall we go in? - Um actually, Renato, would it be all right if I asked you to go home? - Cold feet? - It's crazy I know, but [sighs.]
I'm sorry.
Say no more.
Have a lovely time.
Thank you.
And keep this outfit on for later.
[both laughing.]
- Bye.
- Bye.
[classical music playing.]
[talking indistinctly.]
Just a minute.
Harry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I, um, I know Last night I don't even know what I said to you, but I'm guessing it was not good.
Ah, you said you were using your previous partner's sperm to fertilise embryos.
Oh, I I did? I mean, I that's true.
What you told me was you were having eggs retrieved so you could help Billie conceive.
I know.
You can see I'm confused.
I'm really sorry.
I I know it's not the time or the place to do this but I just, I'd love to explain to you ‘cause I just - I'll let you get back to the wedding.
- Hmm.
- [Kim.]
We have a problem.
- Oh.
I think I broke Cherie.
Come on.
Sorry.
[knocking on door.]
Cherie, my love? Please, just let us know you're all right.
[Cherie.]
I must be crazy.
A marriage without sex? Martin can't be happy like this.
Does he know me at all? What about the whole "I'm marrying my best friend" bit? That was the ravings of a sex-starved lunatic.
This is the rest of my life.
That was all my stupid idea.
- Yeah, I hear that.
- Shut up.
You were right, Kim.
Better than a best friend is a best friend you can root.
Oh, no, no, no, no, Cherie.
No, don't listen to me, especially when I'm destroying people's happiness.
Can I just have a bit more time? - Yeah.
- No.
No, Cherie, you can't stay in there.
I'm not coming out.
- Oh.
- Ow.
- [Clegg.]
Jess.
- [Jess.
.]
Mmm? If you and Kim are still looking to sire a child, my brother Benedict is in town for a week and We're not, but thanks.
You found someone? No.
Martin What? Martin.
Nina, the dancing is later.
Could you please come with me? - What is it - Just come with me.
Cherie? I'm sorry, Martin.
I understand, if you don't want to marry me.
I wondered, though, if you'd, um, do me the honour of listening to the, the vows I've written? Uh, even if we don't get married, I'd still, still like to read them to you.
Okay.
[sighs and mumbles.]
"I know that I am a strange man.
" And I know the loneliness of a strange man.
But, Cherie, if you have doubts on our wedding day, and if you lock yourself in this room because you are afraid of a lifetime without sex ".
- What? - Let me finish, darling, please.
- Those aren't your vows.
- They are.
Cherie, these are his vows.
They're all written down.
"I hope that you will remember that your" husband to be understands you, with all of his heart.
Because it is with all of his heart that he loves you.
Please don't turn me away.
[sniffs.]
"Don't turn me away because I thought this love was beyond me.
" You knew? Martin, we need to have sex.
It's the only thing that's gonna save this marriage.
Really? [clears throat.]
[indistinct conversation.]
Shall we? Yeah.
What are we waiting for now? [Cherie moaning.]
[Cherie and Martin moaning.]
[moaning continues.]
Oh, Martin! Martin! Martin! [Celebrant.]
Now to the vows.
Our couple have written their own vows today and they're beautiful.
So, Cherie and Martin, take it away.
- Do you? - I do.
You? You bet I do.
Then without further ado, and with the power vested in me by the state of Victoria and the Commonwealth of Australia, I now pronounce you married.
You may kiss each other.
[wedding music playing.]
[applauding and cheering.]
- Yay.
- Yeah! [woman.]
Yeah! You look beautiful today, Mom.
[classical music playing.]
You've outdone yourself, Martin.
[Martin.]
Dark magnificence.
And there it is, the piece de resistance.
So impressive.
Hey, guys, who wants to watch a movie? - [children exclaiming in excitement.]
- Yeah.
Have a lovely night.
- Goodnight.
- Night night.
- See you in the morning.
- Thank you.
Come on, guys, let's go.
Come on.
Amen.
Let's get loose.
Ah, excuse me, you have not had any dinner or lunch or breakfast.
Are you sure that Hmm.
What are you, a policeman? - No, ma'am.
- Good.
[clears throat.]
[indistinct chatter.]
[glass clinking.]
Good evening, XX and XY chromosomes.
[laughs loudly.]
We begin the evening with messages from those who couldn't be here with us tonight.
The first one is from a gamete.
She writes, "Sorry I couldn't make the party, but without any cleavage, I'm only half the fun anyway.
" - Make it stop.
- Right.
Ah, here's one from a Mick Holland.
"Cherie and Martin," wishing you a long and happy life together, filled with adventure.
If you are half as happy in your marriage as I am in mine, you will be truly blessed.
"Big love, Mick.
" Here's one from Elvis Kwan.
"While you're all there, I'm back at work trying on your clothes.
" Ring ring.
Yes, hello, this is Nina Proudman.
Yes.
[chuckles.]
Martin.
And finally, from Leo Taylor.
"Dear Cherie and Martin," I'm so happy that in the busyness of life, two such wonderful people have found each other.
A day like today is about nothing but love.
And I wish you nothing but love.
Not just for today, but forever.
And my wish for all of your guests is that everyone finds the love "that they're looking for.
" Cherie and Martin.
- Cherie and Martin.
- Cherie and Martin.
Bravo! [guests cheering.]
[woman.]
Wohoo! Thank you.
I'm really sorry, Billie.
What I did was idiotic and thoughtless.
I know you must be going through a major thing and I really want to be there for you, but I just, I didn't know what to do.
But I didn't mean to hurt you.
That's kind of the worst part.
I really want you to have a child, Billie.
Not your decision.
Well, why did you bring up the idea of donating eggs? You said, why hadn't I offered you an egg I know what I said.
Well that sounded to me like you wanted an egg.
If I'd wanted that, believe me, Nina, I would have asked for it.
Do you know what, what really pisses me off? You don't believe that I can be happy without children, and you have to keep shoving me off balance with this message about what I should be doing without even - Sorry.
- No, without even consulting me about what I want.
I think you would make a wonderful mother.
And I would do anything to make you happy.
Don't.
Don't do this.
Don't make out like this is some gift to me.
This is, this is about you.
- No, it's not - No, you need to hear this because you didn't do anything for me.
You used me as an excuse.
What you actually did is you made your own embryos.
Well, it made sense at the time.
I thought if I kept my options open, I could make the decision later.
Well, you made the decision.
It's like dangling a carrot in front of my face and then eating it yourself.
No one can break my heart the way you can.
Excuse me.
Nina, Nina.
Um, see that door? Can you hold that open for me in twenty minutes? I'm not sure I follow.
Can you, can you just do it? [glass clinking.]
Okay, sure.
Twenty.
All right, everyone.
It's time for the wedding dance.
I'm sure we've all been studying the steps.
[chuckles.]
[Nina.]
Oh, the fucking dance.
[instrumental music playing.]
[Kim.]
Spin the emu.
Three, four, five, six.
Pineapple, two, three, four, five, six.
Blow the leaves.
Two, three, four, five, six.
Fang, two, three.
Nina, you didn't watch the video.
Three, four, five, six.
Fang, two, three, four, five, six.
Nina.
[sighs.]
Four, five, six.
Spin the emu.
Three, four, five, six Where are you going? Don't leave me.
It's a progressive dance.
Going to my next partner.
What is it? - You okay? You're not okay, are you? - No, I'm not.
What's the matter? You don't want to talk about it? No.
Jimmy, how am I going to fix what I've done? - It can't be that bad.
- It's bad.
- Time to go.
Sorry.
- Ow.
- [Clegg.]
Nina? - [Nina.]
Mmm? Did you bother to watch my instructional video at all? I'm sorry, Martin, I just didn't have time.
All right, just watch me.
Relevé, bourrée, on turn.
Now, how hard is that? I did that.
- I'm trying.
- Try harder.
- Follow me.
- Okay.
- Bow.
- How do you know the steps? I watched the video.
And around.
Up.
Back.
Come here.
Turn around.
[Clegg.]
And [guests cheering.]
[Clegg.]
Bravo! Bellissimo! Bravo.
Harry.
[clears throat.]
And now, friends, it's approaching time to cut the wedding cake.
[Will.]
Jimmy, this is for you.
[guests exclaim in astonishment.]
[guests laugh.]
See you, Jimmy.
Nina! Shit.
Sorry, Will.
[women cheering.]
[Will.]
Thanks a lot, Nina.
Nice running style.
You were going at quite a clip.
Yeah, well, soccer.
So? Mate, I know, I know I've acted like a douche and I just hope this helps to, I don't know, atone.
And? I'm sorry.
[sighs.]
I want to be part of this family.
How will I know when I'm a Proudman? [women cheering.]
Hi, I'm Zara.
I'm just Singing a little song For Cherie and Clegg On your Wedding day [chuckles.]
A bit pissed.
Pissed to sing and walk, obviously.
Waiting for my husband to get a job [chuckles.]
That's a good one.
Oh, hey - How much has she had to drink? - Enough.
Zara.
You still light up my - I'm singing, obviously, - No, singing time's over.
- What? - Nina.
Why are you always trying to control me? - No one's trying to control you.
- I just would like a little song.
- Oh, shut your stupid doctor face! - You shut your doctor face! [all gasp.]
[Zara.]
Somebody? Something bad.
[guests exclaim.]
[Zara chuckles.]
[laughter.]
[Clegg clears throat.]
Ah, well, um, obviously, ladies and gentlemen, the ah, the cake has been served.
No no, come on, come on.
Please.
Oh, piss off.
I'm having a lovely time.
Would you like some help? No, thank you.
She's my wife, I'll handle it.
He'll handle it.
- Come on, let's go get you cleaned up.
- Yeah, I think it's quiet time now.
I'd like it.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
- You having fun? - Yeah.
Harry, I want to tell you, um, why I made the decisions that I have.
- You don't have to explain.
- No, I want to.
You lied to me.
Which surprises me.
I wouldn't have thought of you that way.
You've never lied to anyone? Yeah, I have.
But not like this.
Well, for what it's worth the reason I lied to you is because Well, you want me to like you.
That's what you said last night.
I don't know if I can trust my feelings, Harry.
I'm feeling about you a way I haven't felt about anyone for a very long time.
I've never met anyone quite like you.
You've really hit me for six.
You've hit me for six, too.
You know I'm a crisis manager, right? Yes.
You know what the number one rule of crisis management is? What? See the crisis coming and avoid it.
And you, Nina, are a major event.
You think I'm a disaster? Yeah, I think you are the loveliest, loveliest disaster.
And I don't think you're ready to be with me.
So now I'm going to go.
[mellow instrumental music playing.]
Though you're miles and miles away I see you every day I don't have to try I just close my eyes I close my eyes We'll always be together However far it seems Love never ends We'll always be together Together in electric dreams We'll always be together However far it seems Bye.
[Renato.]
Hey there.
Good evening.
- So, this is where you live? - Yes, this is where I really live.
Would you like to see inside? I'd love to.
[giggles.]
Sip.
- Little sips.
- What's that for? - In case you throw up.
- I'm not going to throw up.
Oh, don't, don't rub my back.
It's making me seasick.
I trashed a wedding cake.
I showed everyone my penis.
All good.
Are you angry with me? No.
But, I am in your bad books.
No.
- Are you okay? - Oh, I'm pretty pissed.
But in a bigger sense.
I think I'm going to throw up.
No.
No, I'm not.
Actually, I think I [retching.]
There we go.
Get it out.
Get it all out.
[Zara groans.]
Get it all out.
- No, I think it's, no, I think I'm okay.
- You all right? Yeah, I think I could probably even have an [retching.]
[retches.]
You ok Hi.
I finished unpacking.
Anything you don't like where it is, we can move it.
Welcome to your new home.
Pretty fuckin' classy.
Do you like it? Nice job.
Your home, too.
This is the last time I wonder This is the last time I worry at all You're always right [Nina.]
A disaster.
You're always right I'm sure that things will clear up I'm sure that things will clear Right up Patrick, I don't want to be in the real world anymore.
Come to bed.
I'm sure that things will clear up I'm sure that things will clear Right up And I'm sure that I can be simple I'm sure that I can turn My life around I've decided to have another baby.
Are you completely insane? Secrets.
There's something really bad I need to tell Billie.
What? Tell me.
After secrets.
I've done something terrible.
After secrets.
What? She's been lying the whole time.
How did I not see that coming? It's not working! I've left.
I want to tell you something.
Because I want to stop hiding things.
I don't know why you're telling me this.
Because you're becoming really important to me.