Regular Show (2010) s06e08 Episode Script

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, Yeah! Pizza pouch.
Stop! Drop the bag! Sweet dreams, Cartwright.
Thomas? Hey, what's going on, man? Not much.
Is that dude okay? Hey, this is weird, right? I mean, I'm doing martial arts.
That guy's dressed up like a garbage can and totally still alive.
I think you're in a dream, dude.
Wait.
Rigby, staff meeting.
Did you go on a pizza pouch bender again last night? Come on.
Last night? Thomas.
Guys, it finally happened.
I met the perfect girl! Her name is Natalie, and she's a pre-school teacher.
I'll be showing her around the park today, so your only duties are to leave us alone.
Just leave me and Natalie alone, people.
No, you can't use the bathroom, Rigby.
That's not what I was gonna sa You know, Rigby has a point.
What about Audrey? We broke up.
Remember? I don't recall.
Huh? I was sad for months.
I loafed around the house.
That's not I didn't mean Muscle Man and Pops, you took me to get ice cream.
Skips, you made me train for that marathon.
In fact, all you guys had a role in my lengthy healing process.
I don't remember any of this.
Second order of business! Today is Thoma's last day.
Now, keep this under wraps, guys, 'cause I want to surprise him.
At the end of the day, I'm offering Thomas a full-time job.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees how I prank the new hires.
You know, we don't normally hire interns, but Thomas has really been killing it lately killing it in the park.
Listen to me! I was eating a pizza pouch late last night, and I hear somebody behind the house, right? When I go look, I see Thomas take some guy out.
I think he was speaking Russian, too.
Yeah, right.
Thomas? It was a dream, dude.
You were having a cheese- and grease-induced nightmare.
Oh, I get it.
Let's all gang up on Rigby, I'll show you it wasn't a dream! See? This grease spot is where I dropped my pizza pouch.
Sings of a struggle! Pathetic.
Hey, guys.
Got the coffee.
Wait.
What are all you doing behind the house? You don't have any more surprises on my last day, do you? Man, you don't even know.
Now, let's see.
That's the duffel bag he had last night! I got a triple espresso- This is gonna prove it! Thomas, you okay? That's just my dirty laundry, dude.
Totally uncalled for, bro.
But.
.
it wasn't a dream! I'm on to you, Thomas! What just happend? Oh, hello, mom.
Oh, yeah.
Everything's great.
What's he saying? No, exactly.
Yep.
Russian.
Russian? What the heck is going on? Understood.
Bye mom.
It's just a sprinkler head.
Wait.
What's that? Russian writing.
What's he up to? So, this is the house where the workers stay.
And this is the garage.
I keep my rakes and shovels in here.
Ooh, rakes! I like a man who takes care of public parks.
Well, someone's got to do it.
Benson why don't we finish this conversation somewhere more public? Uh sure.
I could show you the A.
V.
Club, people go there sometimes.
I was sure Benson was lying about that date.
Just so we're all in agreement, Benson was totally lying about that date, right? You guys! Thomas is up to sometimes, and I have proof! I caught Thomas red-handed installing these.
Sprinkler heads.
Wow.
You really cracked the case, Sherlock.
It's not just a sprinkler head, smart guy.
Look! It's got some kind of russian warning on it, and while Thomas was messing with it, he got a phone call, and I totally heard him say, "russian".
Come on, man.
Thomas can't speak russian, you probably just heard him wrong.
I know what I heard! You're just jealous, bro.
You're trying to make him look bad.
What? Why would I do that? Duh! As the intern, he's been stuck with all the cruddy jobs you used to do.
You're worried that if the get's hired full time, you'll have to do them again, chips? That's not true.
I never did that stuff, even when it was my responsibility.
Like I said, I get it.
When you guys got hired, I was nervous, too.
I used to kick the leaves everywhere after you raked them so Benson would think you were slacking off.
Get over it, guys? That was, like, years ago.
Chill out, bros.
Now, where are those chips? Muscle Man! Get it off! Get it off! I have a fear being trapped under an unresponsive guy! This guy's from the C.
I.
A.
That's him! That's the guy Thomas was fighting last night.
Okay, this guy's not dead because that definitely wasn't me.
Okay, okay, nobody panic.
Uh, who is it? Is American Intern Society of America.
Is urgent we speak to Thomas.
And need to give him exit interview before he can get proper credit.
Is very important.
Dude, you hear those accents? Russian.
Those guys are probably Thomas' assassin buddies or something.
Yeah.
This doesn't feel right.
Rigby, let's go find Benson.
Muscle Man, Fives, you two stalls these goons until we get back.
Right.
Hello? Benson! Are you in here? Have you ever seen this door before? Maybe he's in here.
Pops! Skips! What happend? I recorded my parents' vow renewal on it.
It's Benson.
Enough talk.
Give me your hands.
Oh! Handcuffs.
Not sure that these are- What are you guys doing here? And what room is this? What's all this stuff? We don't know, but we're pretty sure Thomas has something to do with it.
There was a guy in the cupboard, and we're pretty sure he did that, too.
I think we stumbled on something really big.
What guy? What are you talking a- I know you americans love the ironic slow clap.
Natalie? What's with the accent? What is all this? I am not Natalie, I am Natalia! And I am not lowly pre-school teacher.
I am russian spy! So clever, you americans, only took two years to figure out things at park were not what they seem.
And I am not only one right under your ignorant noses.
One of your own has been conspiring against you.
What? Who would do that? Natalie, you're acting crazy.
Oh, sweet Benson, why don't you let him tell you himself.
Nikolai! Thomas, why did you step out when she called for Nikolai? Because my name is not Thomas.
It is Nikolai, and I am russian spy.
Dude, for real? Yeah, I am russian spy.
Oh, snap! Now we're all boned! And guess who didn't believe me.
You and you, and you, and- Silence rat! But Thomas, how can this be? I was born on a cold winter's night in Kiev.
But I was abandoned as a baby and declared property of the state.
The K.
G.
B.
raised me to be the perfect weapon, no family or loyalties except for mother Russia.
Some years ago, I was embraced by a new mom.
The Ministry of Meadow Management A.
K.
G.
B.
Agency dedicated to park research and espionage.
Russian park technology is decades behind the rest of the world.
In the world theater, we are a laughingstock.
What made american parks so good? The order came from Commander Romanoff.
Operation park lift.
We would obtain bogus credentials and sneak in states.
I would become Thomas, an average college student.
We entered the U.
S.
with surprisingly little resistance.
Phase one.
Travel to target site.
Inquire about internship opportunities.
Say you will work for free.
At the first chance possible, I would risk my life for the park.
I would gain my co-workers trust.
I would fade into the background.
I would say and do almost nothing.
Phase two.
Make preparations for phase three.
Execute phase four orders transmit phase five intelligence relating to phase six.
Silencing potential threats to phase seven.
Well, on some level, that's kind of flattering.
We must be doing something right if russia's swiping from our park.
Darling, on the contrary.
This park is astonishingly average.
We plan on infiltrating other, like, way better parks if this trial succeeds.
It just doesn't add up.
How did we never see you doing any of this? I had my ways.
Okay, everybody got all their stuff.
Let's save Christmas.
Being an intern was the perfect cover.
Thomas! No one suspects the intern.
We are the lowest rung on the ladder.
Oh, you're in luck I know a guy in the rock climbing department.
Your low expectations kept you blind to what was right in front of you.
Hey, how are my favorite mother and son doing? Fantastic, Benson.
Hey, Benson, could you tell me how the park electrical grid works again? Sure.
The first thing you got to know about is the breakers.
Uh, could you talk into the pepperoni? The first thing you got to know about- So, your mom was Natalia in disguise.
No, no.
She was a robot.
Yes.
Romanoff, we have them now.
Yes.
He's here.
Thomas, how could you do this to us? Yeah man.
It's my job guys.
Goodbye.
Natalia, what did the commander want? That's on a need to know basis, Nikolai.
Let's move.
We just want validate units.
We have certificate.
Uh, we don't need any bro.
Let's find Mordo and Rigs.
Get down! Anatoly.
Pleased to make acquaintance special delivery.
Get in van.
I knew it.
Identity verified.
Welcome Nikolai.
Arming system.
Perimeter armed and secure.
Anatoly, did you pick out an album? Covered boss.
Phase eight in ten, nine.
What's phase eight? Seven, six.
Five, four, three.
Two.
One! We are headed to mother Russia.
There you will be put into a hard-labor camp, forced to do unskilled, demeaning labor for the rest of your lives which, comto think of it, isn't too different from your lives now, Nikolai! New orders from Romanoff! I'll be up top controlling the park.
We must get the chopper.
Anatoly will ensure your safety on the ground.
We got to stop this! Set us free! Set you free? I'll set you free at bottom of sea.
Mr.
President, sir.
Something you need to see, sir.
It's a matter of national security.
Our radars are detecting a giant land formation flying towards the Russian border.
What? What does this mean? I'll tell you what it means? The russian's are stealing a piece of America! What? You insult us with this accusations? I'm afraid we need to take action, sir.
If our land reaches their border, the russian military will intercept it d we'll never get it back.
Hey.
Stop trying to escape.
Tie yourselves back up.
Muscle Man and Fives! What? No! Stop trying to rescue them! Muscle Man! You got to jump for ti, bros! No! Don't jump for it, bros! Stop jumping for it! I'm gonna get fired! I should have stepped on the brakes before going over this cliff! He's got a point.
So, what's the plan now? How do we stop this thing? I bet if we can get that control box away from Thomas, we can turn the park around.
But how do we catch that chopper? I know how.
Status report, private, and this rate, the land mass will enter russian air space within the hour, sir.
Great scott.
As an intern, I was pranked mercilessly those americans could be jerks.
Well, you don't have to worry about that now because they're dead.
What? That wasn't part of the plan.
Nobody was supposed to get hurt.
Well, it became part of the plan.
They're behind us.
Come on, Pops! Bring us in close! Two slow claps in one day.
Must be doing good, americans, but not good enough.
You're not stealing our park.
You don't know how right you are.
Yeah, What? We are not stealing it.
I wonder if you remember U.
S.
/Russian nuclear arms treaty.
Treaty says we cannot fire russian weapons on american soil.
This is rule.
But what if we don't fire russian weapon at all? What rule do we break then? What are you saying? Even now, we approach the motherland.
On coast is secret missile base.
They will give order, and the most powerful destructive missile in Russia will be placed right in the park's flight path, and thusly, we bring america to missile! This is an act of aggression.
Admit it! You're going to blow up America piece by piece.
We cannot help it if americans are throwing their country onto our warheads.
Typical act of american passive aggression.
This is a violation of the treaty! How? We aren't firing any missiles.
Why are you hitting yourself, America? Well, he's got us there, Mr.
Davis.
Wait.
Aren't you blowing up part of your own country in the process? It's a big country.
I can't believe this.
Natalia, I never wanted to hurt anyone.
I just wanted to build a park.
Maybe they will use rubble of old park to make new park.
Natalie, I'm sorry, but you're taking this too far! This ends now! First my heart and now my hand? Thomas, come on, man.
I know you're a russian spy, but you're also our friend.
You must have enjoyed yourself a few times.
Maybe Yeah.
Do not be a fool, Nikolai.
They treated you like dirt! Lower than dirt! You are right.
I know interns have terrible lives, but come on! I barely felt comfortable speaking around you guys.
Why do you think I never said more than four or five words at a time? We thought you were just boring.
Try and remember, dude.
We had some good times.
Good times But all my years of training I can't.
Dude, you risked your life to save us.
You saved our park! I did, but And not just that Thomas.
I never got a chance to tell you earlier, but we were gonna ask you to join the park full time today.
Yeah, dude.
We didn't want to see you go.
You're our buddy.
Doesn't that mean anything to you? Uh.
.
yeah.
It does.
Being buddies means something! And the park means something.
Nikolai, what are you doing? I am turning the park around, you used me, Natalia.
This guys may not be perfect, but they're the only friends i've got.
Yeah! Way to go, Thomas! No! Come on! Imperialist dog! Thomas! Look out! Natalie! Dude! She tried to kill us! I think we could have worked it out.
The control box! I'm going for ti! Rigby! Thomas! You saved my life! No time! Hit the red button! U.
S.
A! U.
S.
A! U.
S.
A! Awesome work Thomas.
No problem, and thanks you all for showing me that friends matter more than the silly K.
G.
B.
job.
You know, the offer still stands.
We'd love to have you work at the park.
I'd love to, but once a spy, always a spy.
Also, you're pretty much a traitor in both countries.
Pretty much yeah.
Is this the end of Thomas? The end? No.
I'll forever be on the run, living on the lam, hiding in the shadows, forever watching, forever listening, like some lam-living, shadow-hiding, watching, listening guy.
Oh, look.
The sun is rising.
Thank you all.
Goodbye Nikolai.
You'll always be Thomas to us.