The Sopranos s06e08 Episode Script
Johnny Cakes
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It's nice having this again.
Well, it's supposed to be better than "nice.
" You know what I mean.
After that nightmare, god, we are blessed, Tony.
Yeah.
A.
J.
's practicing? That's a first.
I'll let you know.
- All right.
- All right, thanks, man.
Your amigos with the baggy pants Hope you kept 'em away from the silver.
Oh, Jesus, they're musicians, all right? They saw an ad for the drums.
You're selling your drums? I need cash.
I don't play 'em anymore.
Those drums were a gift from your father.
Yeah, I don't wanna sell 'em.
And if you guys hadn't made me get such a crappy job, - I wouldn't have to.
- This is our fault? I'm wasting my time at Blockbuster.
Why don't you get off your ass and find another job? What about community college? You said you were gonna go back to school.
Okay, for the hundredth time: I can't register until second semester! - Oh! - Jesus Christ! I do what you guys want, Don't I deserve some kind of life? Please, move back! Move back! Jim, we need a crew on the roof to ventilate.
Let's go! I can't find Gareth.
I think he's still in the house.
Son of a bitch.
We'll get him.
- Oh God, Gareth! - We'll get him, Sarah.
we'll get him.
- It'll be all right, Sarah.
- Come on, guys, go go go! Hurry up! Come on.
- Look, look! - That window! - I got it! - Oh oh god! I got her kid.
All right, whoo! You want another one? Yeah, sure.
So Uncle Jun' What are we gonna do about him? He's incarcerated for the rest of his unnatural life.
So fuck him.
He's a walking corpse.
Yeah, but, dad, what he did to you Certainly nothing for you to worry about.
"Manager Dale.
" Welcome to the neighborhood.
We're from the North Ward Merchants Protective Cooperative.
I'm kinda busy.
You guys looking for a donation? - Let him finish.
- You may have noticed, not to denigrate anyone, but this is a transitional neighborhood.
I mean, demographically speaking, you still have a lot of marginal types.
We merchants have found you really should have some round-the-clock security here.
- Isn't that what the police are for? - They do their best, but they got their hands full.
Your weekly dues to us will give you all the supplemental - safety net you'll ever need.
- I can't authorize anything like that.
It have to go through corporate in Seattle.
We merchants prefer to deal on a personal one-on-one basis.
I don't have any discretionary funds.
It's gotta go through corporate.
How do you think corporate would feel if For the sake of argument, someone threw a brick through your window? They've got 10,000 stores in North America.
I don't think they'd feel anything.
What if, God forbid, it wasn't just vandalism? What if an employee, even the manager say, was assaulted? Look, every last fucking coffee bean is in the computer and has to be accounted for.
The numbers don't add up, I'll be gone and somebody else will be here.
It's over for the little guy.
Vince, good morning.
How's your book coming? Okay.
You're always welcome to join the other guests for breakfast.
Thad says if your dishwasher is newer than five years, You don't need to use the pre-rinse cycle.
The fact is I don't recommend it.
I can trick the sensors into thinking that the dishes are cleaner than they really are.
I gotta go write.
Thanks.
Morning.
Jason Masucci was down in Tampa visiting his mother, thought he saw Vito in a Jenny Craig.
Turned out to be some other fat piece of shit.
If that fag ever does come back, we should have Carlo do it.
Be good with all the crews.
Excuse me? You were all hot to trot.
I got enough complications in my life.
Feds up my ass.
For business reasons, okay, But for political correctness? Ooh, check it out.
I could do that, no problem.
Wait here.
I'll get your Viagra.
Let me tell you something, for two months after the shooting, As far as snatch was concerned, didn't even have a hard-on when I woke up in the morning.
- Like Sil.
- Bullet didn't fuck with the plumbing though.
No no, thank God.
It's just the effects of the physical trauma.
Doc said it was part of the healing process.
I must be healed now because I got a baguette in my pants now 24/7.
Affirmation of life.
Hey, she's coming this way.
Put money in the meter or something.
Anthony Soprano.
- Yeah.
- Julianna Skiff, Century 21.
You got a minute? Sure.
Cannoli? No, thank you.
You own the building at 217 Franklin, right around the corner, Currently occupied by Caputo Live Poultry.
I represent the Jamba Juice Company.
They're interested in purchasing the property.
Jamba Juice wants to put a store in around here? Well, you must have noticed the area's on an upswing.
You know the old glove factory across the park, over by the cathedral, beautiful renovation.
I just bought a loft there myself.
Person like yourself's a wonderful addition to the neighborhood.
Jamba Juice is willing to pay $175 a square foot.
Public records show the building at 1,800 square feet.
So that makes a purchase price of $315,000.
You ever buy eggs from Caputo? Frankly, I'm not wild about the smell in there.
Let me tell ya, his eggs taste 10 times better than any of the ones you get in the supermarket.
Chickens too.
Businesses relocate all the time.
No, this would be a real loss for the neighborhood.
Don't you live out in North Caldwell? Yeah, my family made the trek up Guinea Gulch.
Bloomfield Avenue.
but my roots here go way back.
My grandfather came from Avellino like most of the people around here, and I grew up right over there.
My father was an early community leader.
Mm-hmm.
How about you? Where're you from? Upstate New York.
- Binghamton.
- How'd you wind up here? My parents have a catering business, Something to leave to the kids, right? Only I didn't see myself making salisbury steak for the next 30 years.
So I left home at 17.
- Rebellious.
- Just a low tolerance for boredom.
So interested, not interested? I'm interested.
But as far as the property's concerned, and I don't wanna sell out from under the guy.
Good morning, Vince.
The usual? - Been dreaming of those Johnny Cakes.
- Can't beat Jim's Johnny Cakes.
I saw you at the fire last night.
You got balls, my friend.
You don't get paid for that, right? We're all volunteers.
Back where I come from, you join the fire department to steal shit from people's bedrooms.
- How's the book coming? - It's fucking slow today.
- Writer's block, huh? - Let's just say I like eating a lot more than writing.
And you don't help any.
Everything you make is fucking delicious.
You know I don't know how you do it.
I can't even write a letter.
I saw Graziano fight sugar ray in 1952.
I took a train to chicago.
Maybe you should interview me.
Maybe I will.
I thought you were writing a book about Rocky Marciano.
well, you can't talk about one without the other.
Marciano now that was a tragic death.
Now what was the year he fought Joe Louis '49? Yeah.
Actually, I think it was '51.
When you told me you were writing a book, I looked him up on the Internet.
I don't know where my fucking head is today.
Maybe you're working too hard.
Yeah.
It must be lonely sometimes being a writer.
You get used to it.
Hey, Dad, I left my science project in the back.
Don't lose my glue gun.
Hey, Mrs.
Conte.
¿como esta? - How's the hip? - Hey, Anthony.
I need your help.
- What? - Those nigger fucking whores, they play that music so loud.
Now that's not nice.
those are Puerto Ricans, Mrs.
Conte.
I ask 'em nice to turn it down.
They tell me to go fuck myself.
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.
- Hey, how's Junior? tell him I said hello.
- Yeah.
You know, I been meaning to ask you, chicken or the egg? You wanna weigh in? That same stupid joke, huh? - How are you? - Good good.
So how's business? Mezzo mezz'? - Believe it or not, better than ever.
- Glad to hear it.
I'll have to raise your rent.
See, when you hold your knife with your blade facing your opponent, you got a lot better control.
Plus, you protect the forearm.
No, if you got the tip pointing at him, you get more distance.
You could swipe his abdomen and fucking gut him.
see, that's stupid.
Look how your range of motion is limited.
It's so easy for him to step back, grab your fucking arm, - Take your knife away.
- Could someone please check us out? Yo, Hernan.
Sure, what time? Cool.
No problem.
I can cover tonight.
I'm totally fucking minted.
Later.
Yeah? I'm at work.
What do you think? He stepped on a nail? Fuck.
How far did it go in? - Fuck! - Would you mind? I better call you back.
bye.
That was Hernan? He was such a dick in high school.
Well, he was a senior.
What do you expect? They always shit on the underclassmen.
The kid spends every night in some fucking club in New York, sleeps till noon, puts in a couple hours at Blockbuster, and that's it.
And since my injury, like I told you, I've been more, you know accepting.
Be grateful for what you got.
But maybe that's wrong.
maybe I should be on the kid.
My dad would have kicked my lazy ass out of the house.
Really? It's the chopping off of the guy's finger, right? I never should have told you 'cause that's all you fixate on with him.
Can you empathize with A.
J.
at that age? Yeah, I had some problems at school, but I didn't vegetate.
- What? - These are different times.
People today are bombarded with so much information, so much input of every kind.
Consequently, true adulthood is delayed.
Sociologists say that 26 is in fact the new 21.
And the new 26 is what? I'm 46, so that means I'm what, 35? My father isn't an old man.
It's ridiculous to let himself disintegrate like this.
How's it going with patient Soprano? - What? - I'm talking about my father, Elliot.
- I thought you were done.
- It happens too often.
I think that's a non-sequitur accusation.
Why don't you just admit he's a gangster? He was gunned down, and you're into it on a tabloid level.
You devoted quite a chunk of last visit to him.
I'm responding to that.
Nothing's changed, okay? He refuses to really engage on this trauma the uncle caused.
And I think it's just a matter of time before he totally decompensates.
Has he cried or reported crying at all about this man buster? Junior, no.
Hmm.
This omerta concept comes from a pre-therapeutic culture.
This isn't omerta.
It's something else.
Hey, man park it in the garage on 14th street, not the other shithole.
Watch for potholes.
What's going on, man? How's it going? Good to see you.
His dad's really a gangster? Capo di tutti capi.
What's that mean? - How old are you? - 20.
- Shut up.
- 15.
- How old are you? - 18.
When I take "e," my feet get cold.
That ever happen to you? I wear special socks.
Let's go uptown to my crib and get more twisted, if that's possible.
- Oh, it's possible.
- I could give you a massage.
Yeah.
yeah, you could.
Oh, yeah, all right.
We all good? Yeah, it's cool.
Mr.
Soprano, Zasu said to tell you He's honored to have you in the club.
And please, regards to your dad.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, right.
What can I do for you, Phil? Vito.
Do we know where he's at? Well, that really doesn't concern you.
How's John? I don't know.
fine, through his veil of tears.
But seriously, Vito, what's being done about him? Like I just said, it's none of your fucking business - 'Cause he works for me, not you.
- He's married to my cousin.
He dishonored me personally.
What do you want me to do, put out an A.
P.
B.
on the guy 'cause he takes it up the ass, huh? It's a victimless crime.
Marie is a victim.
Her children are victims.
They've done nothing.
And they're forced to live with the shame and humiliation.
I gotta be frank, in your father's day, We wouldn't be having this conversation.
A finook in his crew, he knew how to handle that.
I sympathize with Marie and the children, okay? But don't you fucking tell me what to do.
You're only acting boss.
I swallowed my pride when your murdering fuck of a cousin killed my brother.
Don't think I'm gonna do it twice.
Phillip, let's not make a beef where there isn't one.
Fundamentally, we are in agreement on this issue, but I'll handle it.
You know, I saw you on TV when your grandfather shot your dad.
And now we're like friends.
- That's so weird.
- Right.
So what's gonna happen to him, your grandfather, I mean? He's my great-uncle.
So isn't your dad gonna do something? You know, the "omerto"? We don't talk about that with outsiders.
Cool, but I mean, he's not just gonna let him get away with it, is he? I'll probably have to do something.
Really? You're so intense.
You probably left it in the car, Thad.
No, it was on the bedside table.
- I was charging it.
- You're always losing something.
Last week it was the sunglasses.
He left them on the counter at the T.
C.
B.
Y.
- What did you lose? - Cell phone.
I didn't lose it.
I was charging the damn thing.
Tell you what I do try to retrace my steps.
It was on the bedside table.
- Hello.
- Hey, it's me.
- Where are you? Who's Thad Mccone? - Some guy.
- Oh, my God, Vito.
- Not that.
I'm just borrowing his phone.
Listen, Marie, I'm sorry all this had to happen.
I never meant to hurt you.
Come back, Vito.
Just come back.
It's a little more complicated than that.
Please, Phil said it'll be all right.
We could get you help.
We could get you psychiatric help.
Phil? I trust him least of all.
How can you say that? He's family.
- He loves you.
- Not anymore, believe me.
But I've been reading online, there are these church groups.
They could cure you of this.
- Marie - well, what are you gonna do, never come home? I'm working on that.
In the meantime, you're gonna need some cash.
I need you, Vito.
I need my husband.
Listen to me, in the den behind the elliptical trainer, the baseboard comes off.
There's 30k in there.
You know, Marie, - You would like it here.
- Tell me where.
I'll bring the kids.
We'll relocate.
I gotta go.
Don't you wanna talk to Frannie or Little V? Yeah, okay.
Put 'em on.
Vito, your father's on the phone.
He wants to talk to you.
Hi, Dad.
Hey there, champ, you been good? You been behaving? Yeah, you know - Dad? - I gotta go.
You take care of your moth, okay? Mr.
Soprano.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Good news.
- How'd you know to find me here? I'm a real estate agent.
Uh-oh.
Can I buy you a drink? Uh, sure.
Ginger ale with lime juice, please.
Have a seat.
Jamba Juice upped their offer I don't know.
How's this for an idea? They let you carry the note.
You won't get hammered on the taxes.
Well, that's an incentive, but the truth is I don't wanna sell.
You're a businessman, are you not? As a businessman, I gotta tell you that in 10 years' time that property's gonna be worth twice as much as they're offering.
But, you know, it's not just the money.
You drive around America today and everything looks the fucking same old navy and bed, bath and whatever.
But the north ward, it's the north ward.
Plus, I got business interests there, so something like all immigrant groups love to gamble.
Listen, why don't me and you go get some dinner? I have a boyfriend.
I'm engaged.
I have a wife.
I'm married.
It's you know, we're talking business.
You just said you don't wanna sell.
what's there to discuss? Truth is I'm very attracted to you.
Maybe you read in the papers that I got shot.
Well, Julianna, that experience made me appreciate life.
It's short.
It could end at any time, and if you've got the chance to do something that might make you happy, you should take it, You know, like when you left Binghamton.
You're very persuasive.
And in the past, I might have jumped.
Like I said, I'm engaged.
And things are going well.
I think for once in my life, I will exercise a little self-control.
Thanks for the drink.
Guy sent this over.
I saw that guy in the field the other day.
When we were practicing dummy drag, he spent the whole time in the bleachers staring.
Yeah? Vince, come here.
Join us.
He's a very funny guy.
Great sense of humor.
- Thanks for this.
- Thanks.
My pleasure.
We were talking about a call we had last month.
- We were lucky the roof held.
- Did anyone hear that Yma Sumac scream when the ceiling fan came down? That was Ron.
The goddamn thing almost killed me.
You would have screamed too, you cunt.
Fucking nancies.
Don't argue now.
You know, guys, we've got to get serious about the state muster next month.
Last year Hinsdale whipped our butt in that ladder carry.
- What's that, a deuce? - Fat boy.
Chromed out the forks.
- Nice.
- You ride? I always wanted a panhead.
Never happened.
You should get a bike.
Out here when the leaves are changing, blasting down the Daniel Webster Highway, - There's nothing else like it.
- Yeah.
I bet.
You know, I'm glad you decided to write your book in our little town.
What the fuck you doing? What are you, some kind of fag? - Guess I made a mistake.
- You sure as fuck did.
Listen, closet queen, you can't handle it don't sent out the signals.
Dirty fighter, huh? Asshole.
See that? You didn't even notice.
What? That salami You know you're always looking out for me.
- I'm very lucky to have you.
- Mmm.
And don't you forget it.
Hey, Prince Albert, you know what time it is? Huh? These late nights are getting to be A real habit with you, A.
J.
don't you have to work today? Look, I gotta talk to you guys.
I need new clothes.
Everything I have is so old.
You got money.
You sold your drums.
And I need that money for living expenses.
What do you think clothes are? No, I mean nice clothes, not socks and underwear.
Oh, so you can go out to the clubs with Fernando.
That kid is a creep.
Hernan.
And he's not a creep.
He's my friend.
And I don't talk about your friends that way.
When they were in school, Hernan's mother and I were in the faculty lunch committee.
- Hernan has a reading disability.
- Fuck that.
And we're not giving you any more money.
Frankly, A.
J.
, I am a little concerned the clubs, sleeping late, Your lack of interest in anything productive.
Hey, I'm interested in productive stuff, just not stuff you care about.
- I could run one of those clubs.
- What? Look, I'm not just partying there.
I'm learning.
I see what works, what doesn't.
I could have a great club, and really successful.
If you guys care so much about my future, then why don't you stake me? In a club? Get the hell out of here.
You pick up the garbage in a lot of clubs in New York.
You know people.
You could help me.
It's not like you can't Afford to set me up.
you have all the money in the world.
This is ridiculous.
Manage a club, A.
J.
? You've never even been a busboy.
If you wanna get back into event planning, you should think about the culinary institute in Poughkeepsie.
Culinary institute? Why do you keep talking about event planning? I don't even know what that is.
If you're serious, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll get you a job at Beansie's and you can learn the business from the ground up.
That's a fucking pizza parlor, not a club.
It's the service industry! Why are we even having this discussion? You're going back to college next semester.
See? This is just what I mean.
You guys never give me any support in anything I wanna do.
- A.
J.
! - Oh! God damn him.
This is fucking demoralizing.
Maybe we should get him a club, give him some responsibility.
Maybe he'll rise to the occasion.
Are you insane? He's not even legal drinking age.
Well, yeah yeah.
It's like a bad smell in the house.
It's always hanging there.
More than that, it's no good for me and Carmela.
'cause arguing with A.
J.
is no kind of aphrodisiac, I'll tell you that.
Just when I was beginning to feel physically good again, like my old self.
- Good.
I see.
- But honestly, no one could blame a man for seeking an extracurricular outlet in a situation like this.
Don't give me that look.
You're always telling me that I'm projecting.
You're projecting.
So you're not seeking an extracurricular outlet? No.
I was just being theoretical.
What Carmela did for me when I was hurt, The way she took care of me, nursed me back to health you think I wanna fucking betray that? Is it possible on some level You blame her for A.
J.
's problems? Look, I don't know.
No.
Carmela's a good mother.
She did her best.
Look, could you just give me some practical advice for once? Tell me what the fuck to do about my son? Well I think it's entirely appropriate for you and Carmela to tell A.
J.
you have certain expectations of him, particularly since he's living in your home.
The most important thing is that you and Carmela are in agreement on the issues, that you don't undercut each other or act at cross purposes.
Here.
So you can buy a suit To look nice for job or college interviews.
This is not for fun.
this is not to be used for any kind of personal entertainment.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hey, Mr.
Soprano.
What's going on? Welcome back.
Hey, what's up? Meet my friends.
This is Farhad and - Daryl.
what's up? - Daryl; A.
J.
Soprano.
You know Tommy Filippo? - Providence? - No, I don't think so.
Good friend of mine.
He's connected.
Farhad and Daryl are starting a line of sports drinks.
- Cool.
- Big thing now.
not just carbs protein.
When you exercise, you drink four to one carbohydrate to protein solution decrease muscle damage, increase endurance.
- Yeah, that makes sense.
- They're looking for investors.
- Maybe we can get you a prospectus, eh? - Absolutely.
For your dad.
you can ask him to look at it.
Do you ever go to lotus? Good crowd on Wednesdays.
- I was there twice.
- I was there last week unbelievable.
Hey, wake me up tomorrow, okay? 10:00? We were just up in Bradford.
There's a beautiful long truss bridge there.
Mmm.
Right.
If you're interested in covered bridges, You need to get over to Swanzey.
They have four marvelous bridges there, Including a queen post.
Honey, we could go tomorrow.
You know where else you should go is Shaker Village.
You can't beat those shaker brooms.
Oh, I love old brooms! A.
J.
! I woke you up two hours ago like you asked me.
Now get up.
- Ouch.
- Carl, are you all right? It is 4:00 in the afternoon.
You are not even dressed! I got the impression you had something important to do.
- There you go, Corrado.
- How come I don't get no mail? Maybe you need to write some letters, start a correspondence.
Lying cocksucker! They throw my mail out.
Your uncle is having dinner, but you can see him now.
Warren will take you in.
This way.
Wait for me, please.
He's over here.
- Corrado, you have a visitor.
- What? Anthony! My nephew.
Take me home.
I wanna go home.
Knife! That's not my knife.
Hey! Hey hey hey! - Let go of me! Let go of me! - Take it easy.
- He shot my dad! - Relax.
- He shot my dad! - Relax.
Take it easy.
Uh, Anthony Soprano.
Yeah.
I just talked to assemblyman Zellman.
Get him out of here.
My stomach hurts.
You stupid fucking moron.
You realize what could have happened to you if we didn't have connections?! Some cop goes by the book and they charge you with attempted murder! You hear me? Attempted murder! Then what? then what? He shot you! You were just gonna let him fucking get away with it? I told you that's my business, not yours! And what did you do? Nothing! Zero! A big fucking jerk-off! - Fuck you! - I oughta break your fucking neck! Stop cryin'.
Stop cryin'! I guess your heart was in the right place, A.
J.
But it's wrong.
Come on.
- What?! - It's not in your nature.
You don't know me.
And you don't know anything about me.
You're a nice guy and that's a good thing, for Christ's sakes.
- Bullshit! - I mean it.
You're a good guy.
I'm very grateful.
Well, you're a fucking hypocrite, Because every time we watch "godfather" When Michael Corleone shoots those guys at the restaurant, Those assholes who tried to kill his dad, you sit there with your fucking bowl of ice cream and you say it's your favorite scene of all time! Jesus Christ, A.
J you make me wanna cry.
It's a movie.
You gotta grow up.
You're not a kid anymore.
Did you hear me? You gotta grow up.
Get in the car.
First of all, your mother does not find out about this.
Yes? I know you don't wanna sell, but I thought you should know Jamba Juice upped their offer to 275 a square foot.
$494,000.
You're kiddin' me.
Plus they'll let you carry the note at 7.
5%.
Any interest? - Sold.
- Excellent.
Why don't you come by my office tonight and sign the papers? Look, uh How about your apartment instead? Good idea.
want me to give you the address? I remember.
the glove factory.
See you around 9:00? Yeah.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
Can I get an order of Johnny Cakes? - Short stack or tall? - Tall.
Coffee? Sometimes you tell a lie so long you don't know when to stop.
You don't know when it's safe.
I hear you.
You looking for your french blue? - Here, I just ironed it.
- Oh.
Thanks.
Ooh, the canali.
Very nice.
Where are you going? I've got a real estate thing.
My handsome man.
I can't get used to this torque.
What? So my landlord, this fucking Armenian asshole, won't give me my deposit back.
seven grand! My dad's, like, super pissed! Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could talk to your dad who could send someone to lean on this prick a little and get him to give me my money back.
Soprano's the man! Hey, are you okay? You want some? No.
Hi.
Champagne? - We're celebrating, aren't we? - I guess.
In the trade, this is called "the Ben Franklin Close" Placing the pen on the line you want someone to sign.
Theoretically, it makes it harder for them to have second thoughts.
I'll have to show you my collection sometime "The Franklin Mint.
" - You're not serious.
- What do you mean? Okay, the contract.
Sign here And here Here And here And here And deed of trust here Disclosures here.
Initial it here.
Okay, title I.
D.
there.
Okay, phase one, Sign here And there And here.
And That's it.
Stop.
- What? - Just stop.
Okay.
- Am I done? - "Done"? Yes, signing.
Am I done? Uh, yeah.
I gotta go.
Shit.
Hey.
hey, man, are you all right? I'm a doctor.
do you want me to call an ambulance? My heart, it's beating so fast.
Did you take anything cocaine, amphetamines? No.
Has anything like this ever happened to you before? Do you have a history of panic attacks? God damn it! Tony? Hi.
How did it go? What's it take to get fucking smoked turkey in this house? - What? - I bust my ass all day long, When I come home I want a little smoked turkey.
Is that too fucking much to ask?! What the fuck is your problem?! Everything but fucking turkey in here! Did you hear? A goddamn juice place moving in here.
What Jews? Juice.
Jamba Juice.
You boss went and sold the building.
He sold the building? I got a kid in college! Where are my fucking eggs? What the fuck is happening to this neighborhood?
we're WEBO, Concord 89.
1; WEBJ, Jackson 99.
5 F.
M.
this is New Hampshire public radio, News and information for the Granite State.
It's nice having this again.
Well, it's supposed to be better than "nice.
" You know what I mean.
After that nightmare, god, we are blessed, Tony.
Yeah.
A.
J.
's practicing? That's a first.
I'll let you know.
- All right.
- All right, thanks, man.
Your amigos with the baggy pants Hope you kept 'em away from the silver.
Oh, Jesus, they're musicians, all right? They saw an ad for the drums.
You're selling your drums? I need cash.
I don't play 'em anymore.
Those drums were a gift from your father.
Yeah, I don't wanna sell 'em.
And if you guys hadn't made me get such a crappy job, - I wouldn't have to.
- This is our fault? I'm wasting my time at Blockbuster.
Why don't you get off your ass and find another job? What about community college? You said you were gonna go back to school.
Okay, for the hundredth time: I can't register until second semester! - Oh! - Jesus Christ! I do what you guys want, Don't I deserve some kind of life? Please, move back! Move back! Jim, we need a crew on the roof to ventilate.
Let's go! I can't find Gareth.
I think he's still in the house.
Son of a bitch.
We'll get him.
- Oh God, Gareth! - We'll get him, Sarah.
we'll get him.
- It'll be all right, Sarah.
- Come on, guys, go go go! Hurry up! Come on.
- Look, look! - That window! - I got it! - Oh oh god! I got her kid.
All right, whoo! You want another one? Yeah, sure.
So Uncle Jun' What are we gonna do about him? He's incarcerated for the rest of his unnatural life.
So fuck him.
He's a walking corpse.
Yeah, but, dad, what he did to you Certainly nothing for you to worry about.
"Manager Dale.
" Welcome to the neighborhood.
We're from the North Ward Merchants Protective Cooperative.
I'm kinda busy.
You guys looking for a donation? - Let him finish.
- You may have noticed, not to denigrate anyone, but this is a transitional neighborhood.
I mean, demographically speaking, you still have a lot of marginal types.
We merchants have found you really should have some round-the-clock security here.
- Isn't that what the police are for? - They do their best, but they got their hands full.
Your weekly dues to us will give you all the supplemental - safety net you'll ever need.
- I can't authorize anything like that.
It have to go through corporate in Seattle.
We merchants prefer to deal on a personal one-on-one basis.
I don't have any discretionary funds.
It's gotta go through corporate.
How do you think corporate would feel if For the sake of argument, someone threw a brick through your window? They've got 10,000 stores in North America.
I don't think they'd feel anything.
What if, God forbid, it wasn't just vandalism? What if an employee, even the manager say, was assaulted? Look, every last fucking coffee bean is in the computer and has to be accounted for.
The numbers don't add up, I'll be gone and somebody else will be here.
It's over for the little guy.
Vince, good morning.
How's your book coming? Okay.
You're always welcome to join the other guests for breakfast.
Thad says if your dishwasher is newer than five years, You don't need to use the pre-rinse cycle.
The fact is I don't recommend it.
I can trick the sensors into thinking that the dishes are cleaner than they really are.
I gotta go write.
Thanks.
Morning.
Jason Masucci was down in Tampa visiting his mother, thought he saw Vito in a Jenny Craig.
Turned out to be some other fat piece of shit.
If that fag ever does come back, we should have Carlo do it.
Be good with all the crews.
Excuse me? You were all hot to trot.
I got enough complications in my life.
Feds up my ass.
For business reasons, okay, But for political correctness? Ooh, check it out.
I could do that, no problem.
Wait here.
I'll get your Viagra.
Let me tell you something, for two months after the shooting, As far as snatch was concerned, didn't even have a hard-on when I woke up in the morning.
- Like Sil.
- Bullet didn't fuck with the plumbing though.
No no, thank God.
It's just the effects of the physical trauma.
Doc said it was part of the healing process.
I must be healed now because I got a baguette in my pants now 24/7.
Affirmation of life.
Hey, she's coming this way.
Put money in the meter or something.
Anthony Soprano.
- Yeah.
- Julianna Skiff, Century 21.
You got a minute? Sure.
Cannoli? No, thank you.
You own the building at 217 Franklin, right around the corner, Currently occupied by Caputo Live Poultry.
I represent the Jamba Juice Company.
They're interested in purchasing the property.
Jamba Juice wants to put a store in around here? Well, you must have noticed the area's on an upswing.
You know the old glove factory across the park, over by the cathedral, beautiful renovation.
I just bought a loft there myself.
Person like yourself's a wonderful addition to the neighborhood.
Jamba Juice is willing to pay $175 a square foot.
Public records show the building at 1,800 square feet.
So that makes a purchase price of $315,000.
You ever buy eggs from Caputo? Frankly, I'm not wild about the smell in there.
Let me tell ya, his eggs taste 10 times better than any of the ones you get in the supermarket.
Chickens too.
Businesses relocate all the time.
No, this would be a real loss for the neighborhood.
Don't you live out in North Caldwell? Yeah, my family made the trek up Guinea Gulch.
Bloomfield Avenue.
but my roots here go way back.
My grandfather came from Avellino like most of the people around here, and I grew up right over there.
My father was an early community leader.
Mm-hmm.
How about you? Where're you from? Upstate New York.
- Binghamton.
- How'd you wind up here? My parents have a catering business, Something to leave to the kids, right? Only I didn't see myself making salisbury steak for the next 30 years.
So I left home at 17.
- Rebellious.
- Just a low tolerance for boredom.
So interested, not interested? I'm interested.
But as far as the property's concerned, and I don't wanna sell out from under the guy.
Good morning, Vince.
The usual? - Been dreaming of those Johnny Cakes.
- Can't beat Jim's Johnny Cakes.
I saw you at the fire last night.
You got balls, my friend.
You don't get paid for that, right? We're all volunteers.
Back where I come from, you join the fire department to steal shit from people's bedrooms.
- How's the book coming? - It's fucking slow today.
- Writer's block, huh? - Let's just say I like eating a lot more than writing.
And you don't help any.
Everything you make is fucking delicious.
You know I don't know how you do it.
I can't even write a letter.
I saw Graziano fight sugar ray in 1952.
I took a train to chicago.
Maybe you should interview me.
Maybe I will.
I thought you were writing a book about Rocky Marciano.
well, you can't talk about one without the other.
Marciano now that was a tragic death.
Now what was the year he fought Joe Louis '49? Yeah.
Actually, I think it was '51.
When you told me you were writing a book, I looked him up on the Internet.
I don't know where my fucking head is today.
Maybe you're working too hard.
Yeah.
It must be lonely sometimes being a writer.
You get used to it.
Hey, Dad, I left my science project in the back.
Don't lose my glue gun.
Hey, Mrs.
Conte.
¿como esta? - How's the hip? - Hey, Anthony.
I need your help.
- What? - Those nigger fucking whores, they play that music so loud.
Now that's not nice.
those are Puerto Ricans, Mrs.
Conte.
I ask 'em nice to turn it down.
They tell me to go fuck myself.
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.
- Hey, how's Junior? tell him I said hello.
- Yeah.
You know, I been meaning to ask you, chicken or the egg? You wanna weigh in? That same stupid joke, huh? - How are you? - Good good.
So how's business? Mezzo mezz'? - Believe it or not, better than ever.
- Glad to hear it.
I'll have to raise your rent.
See, when you hold your knife with your blade facing your opponent, you got a lot better control.
Plus, you protect the forearm.
No, if you got the tip pointing at him, you get more distance.
You could swipe his abdomen and fucking gut him.
see, that's stupid.
Look how your range of motion is limited.
It's so easy for him to step back, grab your fucking arm, - Take your knife away.
- Could someone please check us out? Yo, Hernan.
Sure, what time? Cool.
No problem.
I can cover tonight.
I'm totally fucking minted.
Later.
Yeah? I'm at work.
What do you think? He stepped on a nail? Fuck.
How far did it go in? - Fuck! - Would you mind? I better call you back.
bye.
That was Hernan? He was such a dick in high school.
Well, he was a senior.
What do you expect? They always shit on the underclassmen.
The kid spends every night in some fucking club in New York, sleeps till noon, puts in a couple hours at Blockbuster, and that's it.
And since my injury, like I told you, I've been more, you know accepting.
Be grateful for what you got.
But maybe that's wrong.
maybe I should be on the kid.
My dad would have kicked my lazy ass out of the house.
Really? It's the chopping off of the guy's finger, right? I never should have told you 'cause that's all you fixate on with him.
Can you empathize with A.
J.
at that age? Yeah, I had some problems at school, but I didn't vegetate.
- What? - These are different times.
People today are bombarded with so much information, so much input of every kind.
Consequently, true adulthood is delayed.
Sociologists say that 26 is in fact the new 21.
And the new 26 is what? I'm 46, so that means I'm what, 35? My father isn't an old man.
It's ridiculous to let himself disintegrate like this.
How's it going with patient Soprano? - What? - I'm talking about my father, Elliot.
- I thought you were done.
- It happens too often.
I think that's a non-sequitur accusation.
Why don't you just admit he's a gangster? He was gunned down, and you're into it on a tabloid level.
You devoted quite a chunk of last visit to him.
I'm responding to that.
Nothing's changed, okay? He refuses to really engage on this trauma the uncle caused.
And I think it's just a matter of time before he totally decompensates.
Has he cried or reported crying at all about this man buster? Junior, no.
Hmm.
This omerta concept comes from a pre-therapeutic culture.
This isn't omerta.
It's something else.
Hey, man park it in the garage on 14th street, not the other shithole.
Watch for potholes.
What's going on, man? How's it going? Good to see you.
His dad's really a gangster? Capo di tutti capi.
What's that mean? - How old are you? - 20.
- Shut up.
- 15.
- How old are you? - 18.
When I take "e," my feet get cold.
That ever happen to you? I wear special socks.
Let's go uptown to my crib and get more twisted, if that's possible.
- Oh, it's possible.
- I could give you a massage.
Yeah.
yeah, you could.
Oh, yeah, all right.
We all good? Yeah, it's cool.
Mr.
Soprano, Zasu said to tell you He's honored to have you in the club.
And please, regards to your dad.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, right.
What can I do for you, Phil? Vito.
Do we know where he's at? Well, that really doesn't concern you.
How's John? I don't know.
fine, through his veil of tears.
But seriously, Vito, what's being done about him? Like I just said, it's none of your fucking business - 'Cause he works for me, not you.
- He's married to my cousin.
He dishonored me personally.
What do you want me to do, put out an A.
P.
B.
on the guy 'cause he takes it up the ass, huh? It's a victimless crime.
Marie is a victim.
Her children are victims.
They've done nothing.
And they're forced to live with the shame and humiliation.
I gotta be frank, in your father's day, We wouldn't be having this conversation.
A finook in his crew, he knew how to handle that.
I sympathize with Marie and the children, okay? But don't you fucking tell me what to do.
You're only acting boss.
I swallowed my pride when your murdering fuck of a cousin killed my brother.
Don't think I'm gonna do it twice.
Phillip, let's not make a beef where there isn't one.
Fundamentally, we are in agreement on this issue, but I'll handle it.
You know, I saw you on TV when your grandfather shot your dad.
And now we're like friends.
- That's so weird.
- Right.
So what's gonna happen to him, your grandfather, I mean? He's my great-uncle.
So isn't your dad gonna do something? You know, the "omerto"? We don't talk about that with outsiders.
Cool, but I mean, he's not just gonna let him get away with it, is he? I'll probably have to do something.
Really? You're so intense.
You probably left it in the car, Thad.
No, it was on the bedside table.
- I was charging it.
- You're always losing something.
Last week it was the sunglasses.
He left them on the counter at the T.
C.
B.
Y.
- What did you lose? - Cell phone.
I didn't lose it.
I was charging the damn thing.
Tell you what I do try to retrace my steps.
It was on the bedside table.
- Hello.
- Hey, it's me.
- Where are you? Who's Thad Mccone? - Some guy.
- Oh, my God, Vito.
- Not that.
I'm just borrowing his phone.
Listen, Marie, I'm sorry all this had to happen.
I never meant to hurt you.
Come back, Vito.
Just come back.
It's a little more complicated than that.
Please, Phil said it'll be all right.
We could get you help.
We could get you psychiatric help.
Phil? I trust him least of all.
How can you say that? He's family.
- He loves you.
- Not anymore, believe me.
But I've been reading online, there are these church groups.
They could cure you of this.
- Marie - well, what are you gonna do, never come home? I'm working on that.
In the meantime, you're gonna need some cash.
I need you, Vito.
I need my husband.
Listen to me, in the den behind the elliptical trainer, the baseboard comes off.
There's 30k in there.
You know, Marie, - You would like it here.
- Tell me where.
I'll bring the kids.
We'll relocate.
I gotta go.
Don't you wanna talk to Frannie or Little V? Yeah, okay.
Put 'em on.
Vito, your father's on the phone.
He wants to talk to you.
Hi, Dad.
Hey there, champ, you been good? You been behaving? Yeah, you know - Dad? - I gotta go.
You take care of your moth, okay? Mr.
Soprano.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Good news.
- How'd you know to find me here? I'm a real estate agent.
Uh-oh.
Can I buy you a drink? Uh, sure.
Ginger ale with lime juice, please.
Have a seat.
Jamba Juice upped their offer I don't know.
How's this for an idea? They let you carry the note.
You won't get hammered on the taxes.
Well, that's an incentive, but the truth is I don't wanna sell.
You're a businessman, are you not? As a businessman, I gotta tell you that in 10 years' time that property's gonna be worth twice as much as they're offering.
But, you know, it's not just the money.
You drive around America today and everything looks the fucking same old navy and bed, bath and whatever.
But the north ward, it's the north ward.
Plus, I got business interests there, so something like all immigrant groups love to gamble.
Listen, why don't me and you go get some dinner? I have a boyfriend.
I'm engaged.
I have a wife.
I'm married.
It's you know, we're talking business.
You just said you don't wanna sell.
what's there to discuss? Truth is I'm very attracted to you.
Maybe you read in the papers that I got shot.
Well, Julianna, that experience made me appreciate life.
It's short.
It could end at any time, and if you've got the chance to do something that might make you happy, you should take it, You know, like when you left Binghamton.
You're very persuasive.
And in the past, I might have jumped.
Like I said, I'm engaged.
And things are going well.
I think for once in my life, I will exercise a little self-control.
Thanks for the drink.
Guy sent this over.
I saw that guy in the field the other day.
When we were practicing dummy drag, he spent the whole time in the bleachers staring.
Yeah? Vince, come here.
Join us.
He's a very funny guy.
Great sense of humor.
- Thanks for this.
- Thanks.
My pleasure.
We were talking about a call we had last month.
- We were lucky the roof held.
- Did anyone hear that Yma Sumac scream when the ceiling fan came down? That was Ron.
The goddamn thing almost killed me.
You would have screamed too, you cunt.
Fucking nancies.
Don't argue now.
You know, guys, we've got to get serious about the state muster next month.
Last year Hinsdale whipped our butt in that ladder carry.
- What's that, a deuce? - Fat boy.
Chromed out the forks.
- Nice.
- You ride? I always wanted a panhead.
Never happened.
You should get a bike.
Out here when the leaves are changing, blasting down the Daniel Webster Highway, - There's nothing else like it.
- Yeah.
I bet.
You know, I'm glad you decided to write your book in our little town.
What the fuck you doing? What are you, some kind of fag? - Guess I made a mistake.
- You sure as fuck did.
Listen, closet queen, you can't handle it don't sent out the signals.
Dirty fighter, huh? Asshole.
See that? You didn't even notice.
What? That salami You know you're always looking out for me.
- I'm very lucky to have you.
- Mmm.
And don't you forget it.
Hey, Prince Albert, you know what time it is? Huh? These late nights are getting to be A real habit with you, A.
J.
don't you have to work today? Look, I gotta talk to you guys.
I need new clothes.
Everything I have is so old.
You got money.
You sold your drums.
And I need that money for living expenses.
What do you think clothes are? No, I mean nice clothes, not socks and underwear.
Oh, so you can go out to the clubs with Fernando.
That kid is a creep.
Hernan.
And he's not a creep.
He's my friend.
And I don't talk about your friends that way.
When they were in school, Hernan's mother and I were in the faculty lunch committee.
- Hernan has a reading disability.
- Fuck that.
And we're not giving you any more money.
Frankly, A.
J.
, I am a little concerned the clubs, sleeping late, Your lack of interest in anything productive.
Hey, I'm interested in productive stuff, just not stuff you care about.
- I could run one of those clubs.
- What? Look, I'm not just partying there.
I'm learning.
I see what works, what doesn't.
I could have a great club, and really successful.
If you guys care so much about my future, then why don't you stake me? In a club? Get the hell out of here.
You pick up the garbage in a lot of clubs in New York.
You know people.
You could help me.
It's not like you can't Afford to set me up.
you have all the money in the world.
This is ridiculous.
Manage a club, A.
J.
? You've never even been a busboy.
If you wanna get back into event planning, you should think about the culinary institute in Poughkeepsie.
Culinary institute? Why do you keep talking about event planning? I don't even know what that is.
If you're serious, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll get you a job at Beansie's and you can learn the business from the ground up.
That's a fucking pizza parlor, not a club.
It's the service industry! Why are we even having this discussion? You're going back to college next semester.
See? This is just what I mean.
You guys never give me any support in anything I wanna do.
- A.
J.
! - Oh! God damn him.
This is fucking demoralizing.
Maybe we should get him a club, give him some responsibility.
Maybe he'll rise to the occasion.
Are you insane? He's not even legal drinking age.
Well, yeah yeah.
It's like a bad smell in the house.
It's always hanging there.
More than that, it's no good for me and Carmela.
'cause arguing with A.
J.
is no kind of aphrodisiac, I'll tell you that.
Just when I was beginning to feel physically good again, like my old self.
- Good.
I see.
- But honestly, no one could blame a man for seeking an extracurricular outlet in a situation like this.
Don't give me that look.
You're always telling me that I'm projecting.
You're projecting.
So you're not seeking an extracurricular outlet? No.
I was just being theoretical.
What Carmela did for me when I was hurt, The way she took care of me, nursed me back to health you think I wanna fucking betray that? Is it possible on some level You blame her for A.
J.
's problems? Look, I don't know.
No.
Carmela's a good mother.
She did her best.
Look, could you just give me some practical advice for once? Tell me what the fuck to do about my son? Well I think it's entirely appropriate for you and Carmela to tell A.
J.
you have certain expectations of him, particularly since he's living in your home.
The most important thing is that you and Carmela are in agreement on the issues, that you don't undercut each other or act at cross purposes.
Here.
So you can buy a suit To look nice for job or college interviews.
This is not for fun.
this is not to be used for any kind of personal entertainment.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hey, Mr.
Soprano.
What's going on? Welcome back.
Hey, what's up? Meet my friends.
This is Farhad and - Daryl.
what's up? - Daryl; A.
J.
Soprano.
You know Tommy Filippo? - Providence? - No, I don't think so.
Good friend of mine.
He's connected.
Farhad and Daryl are starting a line of sports drinks.
- Cool.
- Big thing now.
not just carbs protein.
When you exercise, you drink four to one carbohydrate to protein solution decrease muscle damage, increase endurance.
- Yeah, that makes sense.
- They're looking for investors.
- Maybe we can get you a prospectus, eh? - Absolutely.
For your dad.
you can ask him to look at it.
Do you ever go to lotus? Good crowd on Wednesdays.
- I was there twice.
- I was there last week unbelievable.
Hey, wake me up tomorrow, okay? 10:00? We were just up in Bradford.
There's a beautiful long truss bridge there.
Mmm.
Right.
If you're interested in covered bridges, You need to get over to Swanzey.
They have four marvelous bridges there, Including a queen post.
Honey, we could go tomorrow.
You know where else you should go is Shaker Village.
You can't beat those shaker brooms.
Oh, I love old brooms! A.
J.
! I woke you up two hours ago like you asked me.
Now get up.
- Ouch.
- Carl, are you all right? It is 4:00 in the afternoon.
You are not even dressed! I got the impression you had something important to do.
- There you go, Corrado.
- How come I don't get no mail? Maybe you need to write some letters, start a correspondence.
Lying cocksucker! They throw my mail out.
Your uncle is having dinner, but you can see him now.
Warren will take you in.
This way.
Wait for me, please.
He's over here.
- Corrado, you have a visitor.
- What? Anthony! My nephew.
Take me home.
I wanna go home.
Knife! That's not my knife.
Hey! Hey hey hey! - Let go of me! Let go of me! - Take it easy.
- He shot my dad! - Relax.
- He shot my dad! - Relax.
Take it easy.
Uh, Anthony Soprano.
Yeah.
I just talked to assemblyman Zellman.
Get him out of here.
My stomach hurts.
You stupid fucking moron.
You realize what could have happened to you if we didn't have connections?! Some cop goes by the book and they charge you with attempted murder! You hear me? Attempted murder! Then what? then what? He shot you! You were just gonna let him fucking get away with it? I told you that's my business, not yours! And what did you do? Nothing! Zero! A big fucking jerk-off! - Fuck you! - I oughta break your fucking neck! Stop cryin'.
Stop cryin'! I guess your heart was in the right place, A.
J.
But it's wrong.
Come on.
- What?! - It's not in your nature.
You don't know me.
And you don't know anything about me.
You're a nice guy and that's a good thing, for Christ's sakes.
- Bullshit! - I mean it.
You're a good guy.
I'm very grateful.
Well, you're a fucking hypocrite, Because every time we watch "godfather" When Michael Corleone shoots those guys at the restaurant, Those assholes who tried to kill his dad, you sit there with your fucking bowl of ice cream and you say it's your favorite scene of all time! Jesus Christ, A.
J you make me wanna cry.
It's a movie.
You gotta grow up.
You're not a kid anymore.
Did you hear me? You gotta grow up.
Get in the car.
First of all, your mother does not find out about this.
Yes? I know you don't wanna sell, but I thought you should know Jamba Juice upped their offer to 275 a square foot.
$494,000.
You're kiddin' me.
Plus they'll let you carry the note at 7.
5%.
Any interest? - Sold.
- Excellent.
Why don't you come by my office tonight and sign the papers? Look, uh How about your apartment instead? Good idea.
want me to give you the address? I remember.
the glove factory.
See you around 9:00? Yeah.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
Can I get an order of Johnny Cakes? - Short stack or tall? - Tall.
Coffee? Sometimes you tell a lie so long you don't know when to stop.
You don't know when it's safe.
I hear you.
You looking for your french blue? - Here, I just ironed it.
- Oh.
Thanks.
Ooh, the canali.
Very nice.
Where are you going? I've got a real estate thing.
My handsome man.
I can't get used to this torque.
What? So my landlord, this fucking Armenian asshole, won't give me my deposit back.
seven grand! My dad's, like, super pissed! Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could talk to your dad who could send someone to lean on this prick a little and get him to give me my money back.
Soprano's the man! Hey, are you okay? You want some? No.
Hi.
Champagne? - We're celebrating, aren't we? - I guess.
In the trade, this is called "the Ben Franklin Close" Placing the pen on the line you want someone to sign.
Theoretically, it makes it harder for them to have second thoughts.
I'll have to show you my collection sometime "The Franklin Mint.
" - You're not serious.
- What do you mean? Okay, the contract.
Sign here And here Here And here And here And deed of trust here Disclosures here.
Initial it here.
Okay, title I.
D.
there.
Okay, phase one, Sign here And there And here.
And That's it.
Stop.
- What? - Just stop.
Okay.
- Am I done? - "Done"? Yes, signing.
Am I done? Uh, yeah.
I gotta go.
Shit.
Hey.
hey, man, are you all right? I'm a doctor.
do you want me to call an ambulance? My heart, it's beating so fast.
Did you take anything cocaine, amphetamines? No.
Has anything like this ever happened to you before? Do you have a history of panic attacks? God damn it! Tony? Hi.
How did it go? What's it take to get fucking smoked turkey in this house? - What? - I bust my ass all day long, When I come home I want a little smoked turkey.
Is that too fucking much to ask?! What the fuck is your problem?! Everything but fucking turkey in here! Did you hear? A goddamn juice place moving in here.
What Jews? Juice.
Jamba Juice.
You boss went and sold the building.
He sold the building? I got a kid in college! Where are my fucking eggs? What the fuck is happening to this neighborhood?