The Wonder Years s06e08 Episode Script

For most kids I went to high school with, Tuesday and Friday nights meant homework Hanging out, dating - the usual agonies and ecstasies of teenage life.
For me, those nights meant something else.
My high school job.
I was "Kevin Arnold - Chinese food delivery boy".
CHong's chinese restaurant Where you found harried waitersagile cooks Peking ducks And of course / Yessir, yessir.
Mr.
Chong.
After four months on the job, we'd finally learned how to communicate.
He yelled Well, traffic was a little rough.
Yessir.
I'm sorry, sir.
And I made up excuses.
I'm sorry! Not that the guy was Simon LeGree, or anything.
Hello! Chong's Chinese Oh, yes, we certainly do have reservations for this evening.
Hnnn.
Yeah.
Funny, isn't it? Can I go now? Yessir.
Still, in his own way, I think he valued me.
Hey, he didn't have a choice.
Who else was gonna work for eight bucks-a-week, plus tips? Winnie? Hi, it's me.
Uh, listen, these first deliveries aren't muchso, I figured it'll be a pretty easy night And I'll be over at your house around nine-thirty, or so? YeahI love you - Kevin? Hello? Kevin! I'm goin'I'm, I'm goin'! Y'I know And so, twice-a-week, rain-or-shine, with egg foo yung and chicken chow mein by my side I entered a worldUnlike anything I knew at home.
A world where anything could happen.
A world of adventure.
Excitement.
Competition.
The Fioni's Pizza guy.
Every working night, I ran into him.
Maybe he was Italian, and I was Chinese Hey! / Hey! But we had the mutual respectOf two knights of the road.
Nice hat! Sit on it! In short - I hated the guy.
The first delivery of the night.
Somehow, it was always typical.
The bewildered husband / Chong's Chinese? We didn't order anything.
Are you sure? It's on the slip right here.
Yeah, I'm sure.
We didn't order anything.
Honey? Is that the Chinese food? The informed wife.
Hi! I'll get my wallet.
Next came the inventory.
Let's see, that's one shrimp and black-bean sauce Moo goo gai panFried riceAnd eggrolls.
Then the pop quiz.
Is there soy sauce? / On the bottom.
Crispy noodles? /Next to the soy sauce.
Hot mustard? / Absolutely.
We ordered two fried rices.
/ I put it all in one big box.
This was followed by the self-serving brown-nosing.
And, Ialso threw in some extra plum-sauce for ya.
Thanks.
OK, how much do we owe ya? UhEight-sixty-five.
Which brought us to the bottom-line.
The tip.
Eight-sixty-five A total that screamed"Tip him a dollar-thirty-five!" Uh, you, you want any change? Gimme a buck back.
Oh You keep the rest.
Thanks! Sport.
For nothin'.
Course, a delivery was never complete without one final encounter.
The yapping dog.
/ Oh, great! How to handle this was in direct relationship to the size of the tip.
If it was a big tip, you throw the dog a spare-rib.
In this case It was dog-eat-dog.
Every night had its pitfalls, its perils.
These deliveries sometimes took you to the most menacing and dangerous places.
Here goes nothin'.
And this next delivery was, by far The most precarious.
The most threatening.
One-oh-five Elm street.
The home of Uh-uh, hello, Kevin! Fanny Tambora.
Hi, Mrs.
Tambora.
You know Clarence, don't you? Yeah.
Sure! Hi, Kevin.
Hi, how ya doin'? Well, uh, look I got the food here.
I gotta get - Why don't you bring it in? My hands are full.
Now, on the surfaceThis was a sweet, pleasant lady.
But underneath / Well, I'm kinda in a rush.
Oh, it will just take a minute! She was a walking Venus fly-trap.
Well, just a minute.
The problem was that her minutes were usually - Oh, why don't you sit down? An eternity.
/ Uh, no.
Really, I- Well, I have to find my purse! Uh - maybe just for a minute.
I'm gonna sit down - but just for a minute! There's some coffee candy on the table No thanks - I can't stay! I brought you a milk for you.
Oh, good.
Is it very hot out there? Hot? I read somewhere, that the Earth is moving closer to the sun.
So that's why it's getting hotter.
I guess, in fifty years, or so We'll all be burned up! Not that it'll affect me.
Nah, I guess not.
Well, I meanI'm sure you'll beburnt up like to rest of us.
My mother livedTill she was ninety-two.
And my aunt, eighty-five.
And my grandmother, was a hundred-and-six years old.
Oooh! Can you imagine? A hundred-and-six years? Nope.
/ No.
But I - She had a lot of trouble with her feet.
My grandmother She used to ask all her grandchildren to give her massages.
Do you think foot-doctors are real doctors? Because in my lifetime, we didn't have all these specialists, you know We went to a doctor And she saw all of you! And - So! That'll be four-twenty-three.
Of course! Here's five dollars! It's all for you! Thanks.
Well, seeya later! Are you sure you can't stay? I have Parchessi in the closet! Now, the the thing isI knew she was lonely.
I knew she wanted company And there was really just one thing I could say.
I threw in some extra plum sauce.
No charge.
Plum sauce! I love plum sauce! You know, when I was a little girl Winnie! Hi, it's me.
Uh, listen.
I'm running a little later than I thought.
The second phone call of the night.
Right.
I had to talk to some lady's cat.
In some ways, it was pivotal.
/ Yeahyeah, I miss you, too.
Unfortunately, privacy was at a minimum.
Yeah, yeah Winnie, I can't say it right now What the hell I love you, too! Very funny.
Gotcha, OK.
And with those words of encouragement I was back on the roadready for anything.
Course, the role of a delivery boy wasn't exactly for the faint-of-heart.
Fact is, sometimes you had to be a little pushyTo get the job done.
You had to be ready to deal with strange characters.
Very strange characters.
Mr.
Kramer? You're looking for Mr.
Kramer? UhYeah.
He ordered some food from Chong's Chinese.
I very much doubt it.
No I have the slip right here.
Look.
Will you just let me talk to the guy? My boss will get mad if I don't deliver this food.
As you wish Heh-heh.
Like I said - sometimes you just had to get tough.
Not take "no" for an answer.
Here we are! Mr.
Kramer? It was a delivery boy's worst nightmare.
The ultimate practical joke.
I don't think he'll be needingThe fortune-cookies And there you had it.
Delivering Chinese wasn't just a job It wasn't just an occupation.
Hey? You got any eggrolls? In its own wayit was war.
Eight o'clock - the mid-point of the evening.
The restaurant was in high-gear.
People coming in, orders going out Yeah, Winnie, I know.
I'm just running a little later than I thought.
Well, I had thisproblem with the last delivery.
I'll tell ya about it later! Yeah, but - I'm sorry, Kevin can't talk to you right now - he's very busy! But he loves you.
Yeah.
The guy was all heart.
Yessir.
I'm goingI'm going! Butthead! Butthead! So, I headed out again.
After all, I had a mission to fulfill.
It was my duty to bring pork lomein and crispy noodles toThe good Oh.
Thank God! The bad Where ya been!? And of course, the giggly But as the night wore ona kind of malaise set in.
Small tips and minor annoyances took their toll.
Still somehow, you kept you spirits up.
You stayed optimistic Because down any hallwayAround any cornercould be that oneBigscore.
Oh! Wow! Chinese! Bingo This is really weird, man.
I thought I heard a belland then, likeHere you are.
How about that? Hey, guys! Munchies! So? How's it goin', man? Fortunately, I knew exactly how to play these guys.
Well, you knowIt's not that easy, man.
Th-the job and all.
Oh.
Oh, I hear ya.
The system, right? Uh, it can bring you down.
You just had to keep them on track.
Except foryou knowthe generosity of my customers.
Oh, suregenerositysure! Well, that'sten bucks for the establishment Plus, uhanything you want to give to me.
And there it was.
Hook, line, and sinker.
Oh, manI wish I could.
Huh? Give you something moremeaningful.
Like aA sunny dayOr a rainbow But all I gotIs this Money.
I'm really sorry, man.
There ya go.
Yeah, me too.
One man's tragedyIs another man's triumph.
I was on top of the world.
Thirty bucks in my pocket, and best of all - the night was still young.
So, there was nothin' left to do but call WinnieAnd tell her what time a was gonna pick her up.
Huh? Justone little problem.
No! No! No - if ya can't, ya can't.
Of course I'm not madYeahBye.
It was incredible.
Ironic.
Cruel.
Here I was, with a pocket full of moneyA car full of gas And no place to spend it, but - Hey! Hey! Hey, wait! Hey! Hey! Stop! Thirty bucks! Thirty?! But I just parked it on the street! No kiddin' - life's tough.
Thanks.
Alright And with thatThere went my profits.
Twenty There went my rainbow.
Twenty-five There went my night.
Want some Chinese? I didn't even have to ask where he got it.
No, thanks.
Ten o'clock.
I was out of moneyOut of my girlfriend All-in-allI was outta luck.
Seemed something had to be done to make this evening worthwhile.
Something uplifting.
Something Inspired.
Well! This is a surprise! Pizza? / Pizza? Did I order pizza? Why don't you come in while I get my purse? It'll only take a minute! Oh, no.
Oh, and you must meet Clarence! Oh, come in! Ohhhh! Say hello, Clarence! Heck, after an evening of bad luck and bad tips Of towed cars and rabid dogs, and unsympathetic girlfriends It only seemed fair to go out on a high-note.
What?! More?! But, it's ten o'clock! The restaurant's closed! But enough was enough.
No more.
No way, no how! My day's over.
You know, I have my rights - I'm not a slave! Inscrutable silence AlrightIf that's how you feel about it.
I wasn't just standing up for myself.
I was standing up for oppressed workers everywhere.
The down-troddenThe disadvantaged The totally-without-guts.
One more.
But that's it! 216 Maple.
/216 Maple.
What the hey.
After a night like thisWhat else did I have to do? 216 Maple Which in this caseTurned out to beA deserted park.
I don't believe this.
And, to add Pepperoni to insult I shoulda known.
I dunnomaybe it was my destiny to end up on a lonely street, in a dead-end job with no-one to share my sorrows with but - Winnie! Hi! Did you get my message? This is your order? I knew it was the only way I was gonna get to see you tonight.
So, we still on for dinner? Got some plum sauce? /You got it.
And there you had it.
This is nice, isn't it? YeahIt is.
Working for Mr.
Chong certainly wasn't the best job I ever had.
The hours were longThe money was poor, and employee-management relations left a lot to be desired.
But in its way, each night held a promise - of riches.
And adventure.
You want some chow mein? no thanks.
I'm kinda sick of Chinese.
Wellmaybe we could order some pizza!