Friends s06e09 Episode Script

Okay, great.
Bye.
Guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner? Sidney Poitier? I miss Rachel.
My parents.
Great, they haven't seen the place since I moved in.
If you could not mention that we live together, that'd be great.
I was thinking we'd eat around 4.
Why can't I tell them we live together? They don't know we're dating.
Should we eat in the kitchen? Why haven't you told them? Well, I was going to.
I really was.
But then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn't.
Why not? Wouldn't they be happy? So, dinner in the kitchen around 4.
I'll see you then.
Why wouldn't they be happy? Well, because.
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mainly.
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they don't like you.
-I'm sorry.
-What? Why? Why? Maybe because you used to be aloof.
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or that you're sarcastic or that you joke around.
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or that you throw your clothes on the couch.
Is this why they don't like me or you don't like me? I know I should have told them.
I shouldn't care what they think.
I'm sorry.
It'll be okay because when they come over, I will be charming.
I will make them love me, then we'll tell them.
Will that work? I can be pretty charming, babe.
I won you over, didn't l? I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk.
The One Where Ross Got High Gelula/SDI Hey.
Oh, good, Ross.
Your parents like me, right? Yes, of course they like you.
Monica told me they don't.
Yeah, they don't like you.
Do you know why? Maybe it's because you're sarcastic or maybe it's because you-- If people don't know, they shouldn't just guess! Another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Maybe I give thanks for you shutting up, huh? Maybe I give thanks by taking my PlayStation to my place.
Maybe I love you.
Hey, guys.
No, I don't want to play video games, Joey! Are you guys going to Chandler's for Thanksgiving? Yeah, why? Me and my friends are doing Thanksgiving uptown.
I thought you might like to come.
For real? You should go to Chandler's.
None of us can cook.
We'll just drink all day.
We go to yours! We have to stop across the hall because it's my sister.
But, you know, actually, growing up with a sister was nice.
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because it helped me understand women.
Yeah, you should tell your friends that.
Okay.
How you got three women to marry you, I'll never know.
Pheebs, check it out! For my dessert.
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I'm making a traditional English trifle.
Wow.
That sounds great! And what are you making, Monica? In case Rachel's dessert is so good that I eat all of it.
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and there's none left for anybody else! Nothing.
Nothing? No, sweetie.
I trust you.
If I mess this up, there's nothing else for dessert? You won't mess it up.
I love that.
You really have faith in me.
Thank you.
Question: How do you know when the butter is done? It's done about two minutes before it looks like that.
-The food smells great, Mon.
-And the place looks so nice.
-Hey, happy Thanksgiving, everybody! -Happy Thanksgiving! -Well, this has been great.
-See you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where you going? We did say we'd stop by this little thing Joey's roommate is having.
Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl? Some would say she's attractive, yes.
Who else is going to be there? Her friends.
Her dancer friends? Yes! All right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there.
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and they'll be drinking and dancing and we really want to go! Dude, we were good.
You're not going.
You said you'd eat here and you'll eat here.
Yeah, and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls.
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is not very Thanksgiving-y.
Oh, but it is.
It's like the first Thanksgiving when the lndians and Pilgrims sat down.
Then the lndians taught the Pilgrims.
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what it meant to be hot in the New World! -Hello, everybody! -Hi! Hi, Dad.
Mom.
Look! Look who it is! It's Chandler! Oh, yes, of course.
Hello, Chandler.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Geller, you look wonderful.
It is great to have you here.
Let us take your coats.
Whoa, it snowing out there? No.
Monica, all this food looks wonderful.
You should do this for a living.
Okay, I have dandruff.
There's no need to laugh and point.
Chandler was laughing at your joke.
My joke wasn't funny.
Rach, I just remembered.
I had a dream about Mr.
Geller last night.
Really? I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building.
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and he was so brave and so strong.
And it's making me look at him totally differently.
He used to be just "Jack Geller, Monica and Ross' dad.
" Now he's "Jack Geller, dream hunk.
" I don't know.
To me, he'll always be "Jack Geller.
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walks in while you're changing.
" You know, Dad, Chandler is one of Ross' very best friends.
Ross sure is a great guy.
I've always felt that how a man turns out.
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is a reflection on his father.
I always thought that too.
Tell me, what does your father do? He's a headliner of a.
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gay burlesque show.
You're killing us.
Will you serve the dessert already? There's drunken dancers a-waiting! Look at it.
Isn't it beautiful? Yeah.
What is it? It's a trifle.
It's got all these layers.
First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then jam.
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then custard, which I made from scratch.
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then raspberries, more ladyfingers.
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then beef sautéed with peas and onions.
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then a little bit more custard.
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then bananas and then I put whipped cream on top.
What was the one right before bananas? The beef.
Yeah, that was weird to me too.
But then I thought, "Well, there's minced meat pie.
" That's an English dessert.
These people just put strange things in their food.
Can I borrow rum from your place? Yeah, sure.
While I'm gone, don't you sneak a taste.
Beef in a dessert? No, no, no.
There is no way.
I know.
And only one layer of jam? What is up with that? Oh, my God.
The pages are stuck together.
Chandler! Oh, my God.
She made half an English trifle and.
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half a shepherd's pie! Man, now she's gonna start all over.
We're never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the New World.
No, no, we will.
We just won't tell her she messed up.
Just let her serve the beef-custard thing? Yeah.
It'll be like a funny Thanksgiving story.
Vomiting stories are funny, I guess.
Joey.
God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees.
Did it make you want to walk around in your underwear? No.
Still not hot enough! Rachel.
Okay, look at him.
Look at those strong hands.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to be that can of condensed milk.
Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
Thank you.
I just bought it.
Yes, well, it's very beautiful and it's cream-colored and tight and.
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I don't mean tight.
It's not tight.
Not that I was looking at.
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What's the matter with him? I think he's stoned again.
What? I need to talk to you.
I think I might know why my parents don't like you.
Why? Okay, remember we were young.
Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom.
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and my parents walked in and smelled it.
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so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
Why did you do that? I don't know.
Yours was the first name that popped into my head.
I didn't think it'd matter.
How could it not matter? How was I to know we'd be friends after college.
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and you'd be living with my sister? What about all that "friends forever" stuff? I don't know.
I was all high.
Mom and Dad sent me to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned.
Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college, and he blamed it on me! I can't believe you! We haven't told them we're together because they hate me, so fix this.
Okay, okay, I'll tell them it wasn't Chandler who got high.
Now, who should I say it was? You! It's not like it's a big deal.
You don't still do it or anything.
All right.
Now, who should I say tricked me into doing it? Dad, please don't pick your teeth out here.
And if you're gonna put your feet up-- Leave him alone! Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me when I told you that Janine's friends are dancers? And that they're gonna be drinking a lot? No, I did.
But tell me again because it's so romantic.
You're whipping so slow.
Do it faster! I don't want to make any mistakes! If I screw it up, everybody's gonna be like: "Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?" Just let me worry about making it, and you just worry about eating it.
Oh, I am.
-If you don't tell them, then I will.
-Okay.
Fine.
Ross, can I talk to you for a second? Can it wait? I have to tell my parents something.
No, it can't? Okay.
We have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
What? What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not.
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Truth Day! Look, when everyone eats that banana-meat thing.
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they'll all make fun of her.
Do you want that? We'll just get everyone to act like they like it.
That way, no one makes fun of her.
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and we still get to go to sweet potato pie.
Dude, they're not objects.
Just kidding.
I'll talk to them.
You distract her.
Hey, Rach, can I talk to you outside for a sec? Okay.
What's up, Ross? So.
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Thanksgiving.
The holiday season is upon us.
And.
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you look nice today.
-Oh, no.
No, Ross, don't do this.
-What? I don't think us getting back together is a good idea.
I thought this might happen today.
I know the holidays can be rough.
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and it's probably hard for you to be alone right now.
You're alone.
No, I live with Phoebe.
I mean, you're alone-alone.
And it's just not the time for us.
I'm sorry.
Oh, well.
Can't blame a guy for trying.
And if anyone needs help pretending to like it.
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I learned some things in acting class.
Try rubbing your stomach.
Or saying "Mmm.
" Smiling.
I'm not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
Rachel, there you are.
Let's serve that dessert already! Joey, you have to stop rushing me.
You don't get any dessert.
Really? No, just kidding.
I would never do that to you.
Okay, everybody, it's trifle time.
So, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isn't it? -It sure is.
-Wow.
So did you make it with beef or eggplant? -Beef.
-I can't have any.
I don't eat meat.
Monica, I want you to have the first taste.
Really? Wait, you only got whipped cream.
You gotta take a bite with all the layers.
You dropped a pea.
Well? It's good.
Really? How good? It's so good that I feel selfish.
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about being the only one who's eating it.
I think we should have everyone taste how good it is.
Especially Ross.
This is so good that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony.
So that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
I've gotta call my friend.
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and tell her how good this is from Monica's room.
I'll help dial.
I'm gonna go into the bathroom.
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so I can look at it in the mirror as I eat it.
What was that all about? Does it not taste good? -Let me try it.
-No, no! All gone! So good.
Maybe Chandler has some left.
It tastes like feet.
I like it! Are you kidding? What's not to like? Custard, good.
Jam, good.
Meat, good.
So a bird just grabbed it.
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and then tried to fly away with it.
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and then just dropped it on the street? If it's any consolation, before the bird dropped it.
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he seemed to enjoy it.
Rachel, come here.
I was taking my Thanksgiving nap and I had another dream.
-Do I want to hear this? -I don't know, let's see.
I dreamt we were getting married.
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and he left because he had to go fight a fire.
So I went to a nightclub and I saw him making out with a girl.
Oh, my God, he dream-cheated on you! But then Jacques Cousteau came.
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and he kicked his ass for betraying me.
So cool! Then he took me diving and introduced me to his sea horse.
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who was coming on to me.
Please, that is not gonna happen.
Boy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today.
Five minutes ago, a line like that would have floored me.
But now, nothing.
Well, not nothing.
I am still a woman.
Ross? Let's go.
Oh, yeah.
About telling Mom and Dad.
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I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
That's it.
You've had your chance.
Mom, Dad.
Ross smoked pot in college.
You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad.
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you remember that time you walked in my room.
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and smelled marijuana? Yes.
I told you it was Chandler.
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who was smoking the pot but.
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it was me.
I'm sorry.
It was you? Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys.
Ross did.
Well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing.
Monica did! Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year! Monica and Chandler are living together! Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again! I love Jacques Cousteau! I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle! I want to go! That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds.
All right.
Joey, if you want to leave, just leave.
Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle.
It did not taste good.
Phoebe, I'm sorry.
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but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead.
Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact.
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that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.
And we kind of figured about the porch swing.
Ross.
Drugs? Divorced again? What happened, son? I got tricked into all those things.
Chandler, you've been Ross' best friend all these years.
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stuck by him during the drug problems.
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and now you've taken on Monica as well.
Well, I don't know what to say.
You're a wonderful human being.
-Thank you! -No.
Thank you! Monica and Ross, I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you.
I'll talk to them.
You guys, it was bananas.
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cream and beef! I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad.
Well, actually, I didn't eat mine.
It's still in the bathroom.
No, I ate that.
And we left ours in Monica's bedroom.
Nope, got it and got yours too.