Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s06e09 Episode Script

Knock knock - Oh, there he is, right on time.
- As always.
Come on in, sit down.
Good to see you.
- And you.
- You look great.
Have you been working out? Well actually, I have cut out dairy, made me too gassy.
- Well, it's working for you.
- Oh, thanks for noticing.
That's what I do.
Shall we begin? Lovely! I am outraged! There are far too many children playing on the sidewalks! How can the Reverend Thorne and I be expected to have - a proper hopscotch tournament - Knock! Knock! - What can I do for you, Fred? - Well, I'm here for our monthly - "I'm outraged" meeting? - That's not possible because I am here for my monthly "I'm outraged" meeting.
OK, wait, there must be some logical explanation - here, boys.
Sorry.
- That's probably my fault, I've just been swamped with paperwork all week.
No, actually, it is me.
I was looking at next week's schedule.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- I'm so embarrassed! - Don't worry about it.
- Happens to the best of us.
- Okie-dokie, see you next week.
And I'll look forward to it.
- OK.
- Toodles.
- What a crazy day, huh? - Oh, tell me about it.
- Shall we begin? - Wonderful.
I am outraged! There is far too much hopscotch chalk on the sidewalks! Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E09 Haunted Mosque on the Prairie - Salaam alaikum, fellas.
- Walaikum assalaam, brother Amaar.
- Haven't seen much of you lately.
- I've been pretty busy - as you can imagine.
- Doing what? Ha! Ha! Ha! That's a good one, brother Omar.
I've been building our new mosque, remember? Oh yeah! Is that still happening? - Of course, it is.
- Forgive me, it's just that between Sarah's divorce and the town's audit and Yousef's new shirt here, it's just kinda hard - to keep track of everything.
- It's the biggest thing that's ever happened here.
I can't believe you're not more excited.
I am very excited about it, Amaar.
I have been talking - about it non-stop since the beginning.
- Thank you, Fatima.
of all people, must be excited about the grand opening.
Are you kidding? It's the best thing that ever happened to us.
There, see? We are talking about the new Mega Mall in Odina, right? No, we're talking about our new mosque! Oh, right! Of course! Oh, very excited! And quite frankly, I can't believe that other people are not as excited, it's a travesty.
It's a sad, sad day.
Now, is this the same Mega Mall where Yousef buys his shirts? Maybe.
- RAYYAN: Amaar, that's crazy.
- I know, right.
I'm always the last one to hear about Yousef's new shirts.
Rayyan? I'm kidding.
Actually, I kinda liked his old one better.
OK, that's not funny.
The mosque opening is three short weeks away, and no one cares.
To be fair, you haven't done much in the way of publicity.
A publicity campaign to promote a new mosque? - What kind of world do we live in? - Huh, the real one.
You don't have to do a whole publicity campaign, but what about just getting Nate to write a story about it? You know, that's a good idea.
I did collect some historical data when I got the permits.
- Ooh, like what? - Well, they kept a record of the first class pet, Hector the hamster.
- Hm-hmm! And? - Well, he died.
- Of? - Of being a hamster.
They don't live very long, Rayyan.
Maybe you could just rent out some ad space on Yousef's new shirt.
Ha! Ha! It's a good one.
And that's when I decided to build our very own mosque in Mercy.
- Good story.
- Then, how come - you're not taking any notes? - It isn't a great story.
But this is the culmination of my life's work.
Ooh! That's good.
You're just writing the word "culmination" now.
Great word.
I'm gonna use it in my jumble.
I can't believe it's this hard to get a story in your paper.
Mercy may be small, but there's a lot going on.
The mayor's office is in shambles, Fred's ratings are tanking, my Rayyan poems are - Yeah, about those - Point is: it's competitive! Plus, when you take the mosque out of the church, you also take out the conflict.
No conflict, no story.
Remember, if it bleeds, it leads.
The opening is in three weeks.
You have a lot of time to come up with an interesting story.
OK, well, in 1913, when it was first built, it was a Catholic church.
Big whoop! In 1925, they converted it into a dance hall.
OK, anything interesting happened? I don't know.
I guess they danced.
No, still get nothing.
When they converted it into a school house, they found a dead body - Dead body? - Yeah, but it was the body Wo-wo! Say no more! This, I can run with.
No, this is big, Amaar.
Front page big.
- Front page? - Oh yeah, I'd put it on the back page, but that's the Nate's lady section.
Gotta go, deadlines.
That shirt is kicking! - You kick.
- Nate! I can't believe you told Nate you found a dead body - in the old schoolhouse.
- Well, he was so excited, he just ran off before I could explain it to him.
I guess now, we'll definitely get some publicity.
That's lying by omission or continuing misrepresentation.
Wo, councillor.
I've been reading your law books in the bath.
I can only read the back of the shampoo bottle so many times.
How did I get myself into this mess? I was just trying to call attention to the grand opening of the new mosque in three short weeks.
In three short weeks, really? I had no idea.
Sorry, honey.
Look, maybe I should just call Nate - and clear things up.
- Aww, might as well wait and see.
Maybe, he won't even write the article.
- But we need the article.
- When everyone finds out how important the new mosque is, they'll forget the hamster.
Hector, honey, Hector.
- Good morning, Poppy.
- Have you read the paper yet - today, Dr.
Hamoudi? - Uh, no.
Why? Is Nate trying to rhyme Rayyan with Mayan again? AMAAR: Uh-oh.
Not bad, huh? I was gonna go with "Count Mosqula", but it really doesn't apply to ghosts.
Who said anything about ghosts, Nate? It was a dead body.
Where do you think ghosts come from, Amaar? The stork? Do you realize how people will react to a ghost in the mosque? - There he is! - Nope, but you're about to find out.
I'm outta here.
- Baber, I can explain.
- Please don't.
You'll only ruin - this wonderful news.
- Good news? Of course, we finally have our very first supernatural Muslim spirit all thanks to our new mosque, - of which we're all very excited.
- Hey, guys, - it may not be exactly what you think.
- Believing in the unseen is a very important part of Islamic teachings.
- I know that, brother Omar.
- And if it is an evil Mosque spirit, then we have to get rid of it right away.
How would you know? I just happen to be an expert in that area.
- How would we get rid of it? - Expert.
- Have you heard the good news? - Burt Reynolds finally wrote you back? Even better.
Amaar's new mosque has something this place never had: a supernatural Islamic spirit, - a djinn.
- Yes, I saw that.
- How's that good news? - Well, me being an expert on all things djinn and actually all things period, I have put myself in charge of making first contact.
It's awful news! You can be a real negative Nazi sometimes.
I'm sorry, but spirits terrify me, except for the holy one, but the thought of going into a haunted building, brrr! Nein danke, mein herr! Have you had a bad experience with a spirit in the past? As a matter of fact, yes.
"The Exorcist," Paranormal Activity, The Blair Witch Project.
I don't know who this Blair is, nor I have heard of any projects.
- You haven't seen those movies? - Do they star Burt Reynolds? - No.
- Then, there is your answer.
How is it possible that you have not seen these moview!? In case you never noticed, I don't really like to do things.
Yes, and your people are more into terror than horror, but I can't let another second go by where you haven't seen some classic horror films.
- Oh, do I have to? - Yes.
To the Batcave, Robin! OK, but where is this Batcave, and who the hell is Robin? Slow down, Baberacci, one pop culture hurdle at a time.
What's going on, everybody? Nate, what happened? I went to the mosque to get some shots for my follow-up article "Haunted House 2: Electric Boogaloo," when I was hit in the head.
Whatever it was came out of nowhere and disappeared.
I know what it was.
It was that evil djinn inhabiting your mosque.
There is no evil djinn.
Who said there was an evil djinn? - Don't you read the paper? - Let's turn Nate's misadventure into an adventure by all visiting the mosque and seeing there's nothing to worry about.
Bring the kids! I should go see Rayyan in the clinic, make sure I don't die in my sleep.
You better not 'cause I don't want you missing the grand opening of the mosque in three short weeks.
All right, everybody! Let's go to the mosque.
- Everybody? - I will not be going to that mosque.
Me neither.
Not now, not ever.
- Yousef? - No.
Be with you in a minuuute No problem, take your time.
Not in a huge ruuush! OK I pretty much got the rest of my day free Was maybe going to do some laundry - Hiho.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Can I help you with something? That's what I do, I help people.
I'm sure you do.
You look helpful.
Thank you.
But, uh what happened to your head? Ooh! I got hit by a ghost.
- Might have been a bird.
- Birds hit me all the time.
That's why I have so many cats.
- You're funny.
- I'm Poppy.
- Nate.
Oh! - Nate from the paper? - Yah! - I love your poems, they're beautiful.
- Thanks.
- OK, Nate, you ok? Nate? - Baber? - Ah! Allah, please save me! - Baber, are you OK? - No, I'm not OK! How can anyone be OK with people barging into their office and scaring them sensible? - Senseless.
- Most definitely is! I thought you were gonna go to the mosque to make contact with the djinn and determine whether it's good or evil.
Although, I'm pretty sure it's good.
Ha! Ha! I have no such memory of such thing.
- You said that a few hours ago.
- It doesn't ring any bells.
You walked into Fatima's with Yousef and Omar, you sat down, you said you were an expert on all things djinn, and then you had 2 bowls of goat curry.
- It was one and a half, vegetarian and light on the turmeric.
- So you do remember? - Vaguely.
Baber, I really need your help here.
Everyone thinks the mosque is inhabited by an evil spirit.
Why on Earth would they think that? Nate went to take a picture there and got hit by something.
I think it was a piece of drywall, but Omar is convinced it's an evil spirit.
- Oh-oh Azab, Allah.
- Baber, you're not afraid, are you? No, I laugh at such things! - Ha! Ha! Ha! - I knew I could count on you.
- I think I'm in love with Poppy.
- But you just met the girl.
How could you possibly be in love? I can't stop smiling.
I got butterflies in my stomach.
The voices in my head are quiet.
Well then, ask her out on a date.
I can't just go over there and ask her out.
- Why not? - This may surprise you, but I'm not that good with women.
Anyway, I have to find another reason to go back over there.
- Pretend you are sick.
- OK.
How about leprosy? - Keep thinking.
- No, I need a real reason to go back there.
Fred! Fred! Fred! I need you to punch me in the face.
I know that sounds weird.
Cup of coffee? Amaar, can we do this later? I'm starving! I just want to make sure Baber's got this djinn thing under control, and then we'll eat.
Or you could just set the record straight.
You're right, I should come clean.
It's a classic, "do the ends justify the means" problem.
Oh no! No, no, no.
Keep away! Keep away! This mosque is haunted by an evil djinn.
Shoo! No such thing as bad press, right? What's wrong with Baber? Wow! You're gonna have to be monumentally more specific.
He's boycotting the new mosque and threatening to tear it down.
I tell you, if we could harness that little man's anger, we could eliminate our dependence on foreign oil.
He's not angry, he's scared of ghosts.
But he wasn't scared of ghosts yesterday, he was excited about them.
Oh - What did you do? - Nothing.
I might have introduced him to the wonderful world of terrifying horror films.
You have to deprogram him then.
He's got everyone convinced the mosque is haunted! No one's gonna come to the grand opening in three short weeks.
- You have to stop saying that.
- I will in three short weeks.
I know, I can't get near anything with ghosts, except for that movie with Patrick Swayzee - There is no ghost.
- Not according to the article.
Nate assumed a ghost 'cause I told him about the dead body in the school house.
It's not an assumption, Amaar.
Ghosts come from dead bodies.
It's science, ask David Suzuki.
- The body isn't human.
- Was it a demon? - It was a demon, wasn't it? - No, it's a hamster.
- Good lord! A hamster demon! - No, hamster hamster.
Oh! Nate jumped to conclusions, and I didn't intercept his jump because I wanted people to be excited about the new mosque - which clearly backfired.
- Amaar, you sly hamster, - you lied! How does that feel? - Not good.
Great! You know, I always liked you, well I didn't always like you, but now, I like you even more.
- OK, will you talk to Baber, please? - Yes! Consider it done! Oh, and I won't let the hamster out of the bag, - know what I mean? - Thank you.
You are welcome, my brother from a brown mother.
OK, I'm gonna let that one go because you're helping me out.
Understood! My goodness! First, you get hit by a ghost, then you run into a door, and now, Fred, whoopsie, runs over your foot with his lawnmower - six times.
- He thought I was lawn.
You're here an awful lot.
Are you sure that there wasn't something that you wanted to ask me? RAYYAN: Poppy? Can you come here, please? Oh well! Until next time.
Be careful of those lawnmowers Oh, boy, I wish you would have called me sooner.
- Believe me, so do I.
- This is going to take drastic action.
- I agree! - I'm glad you agree, but the question is: - Do you have the stomach for it? - Yes.
- Good.
What about Rayyan? - Rayyan? I don't understand.
I've got two words for you: PR stunt.
I don't think PR is a word.
Now you want to quibble about the grammar, really? Absolutely not.
PR is definitely a word.
Now, we're talking.
- So, how's the boycott going? - Oh, great, wonderful! I don't think anyone's going to enter that evil haunted place.
That's great news, especially for you.
Oh, for everyone.
Baber, I fear those movies I showed you might have scared you.
- Oh, nonsense! - And I think that's why you're boycotting Amaar's mosque.
Ha! Ha! Listen to yourself with your crazy talk! - Those movies didn't scare you? - If by scared, you mean that they made me laugh so hard that I cried myself to sleep, I mean, how could moving pictures strike such terror into my heart? Baber, I did some research on djinn, the spirit not the Well, technically, they're both spirits.
Look, even the most evil of djinn can't harm you physically.
Then you go and tell that to that poor priest from "The Exorcist" or those "camperers" from that "Blair Witch" show.
There's just one more movie you need to see.
Oh no So, let me get this straight.
You want me to spend the night at the mosque? - Yes.
With me of course.
- And what's that gonna do? Well, having the two of you spend the night together at the mosque will go a long way to prove that there's nothing to fear.
And at the very least, it will show that we're not scared.
Sometimes, it's all it takes to restore people's confidence.
- And why do I have to go? - The mosque is named after you, and it would be good to show a unified front, husband and wife against the world! Plus, according to focus groups, people think that Amaar's the nice one, and you're the tough cookie.
Exactly.
Really? - Why don't you spend the night? - Oh no, strictly PR.
And remember, you are the one that told me to do the article.
When you should have sent him to me, your mother who works in PR! - So, you're both blaming me? - SARAH: A little bit.
I'll get my sleeping bag.
So after that, I quit the Green Berets, wouldn't go back.
Pff! You're kidding me? Oh no, look at this.
So, did you ask her out yet? Oh! Well, listen, don't sweat it there, Harpo, we'll have you back in there in no time, pal.
Toots, I'm gonna need the biggest, heaviest cast-iron skillet you can get your hands on.
Look, see here.
Ah Ah, nice sagittal crest! - Ah, I work out.
- It shows.
So, what did you think? They are fearless, - these Ghostbusters.
- Yeah, pretty amazing, huh? Amazing doesn't even come close.
Yeah, a lot of people didn't like the sequel, but I thought it had a lot of artistic integrity.
There is a sequel? Oh, let's watch it right now! Ah-ah! We can't, there's work to do.
- You mean the ghost? - I do, yes.
- I'll get over there immediately.
- That's the spirit! Pun intended.
And what are you gonna do? I am gonna to march right over there, and I'm going to prove to everyone that there is nothing to fear! Yes! And what is Ghostbuster's motto? - I will not be afraid of hardly any ghosts.
- That's close enough! All right there, Natesky, just hold still, buddy.
- Isn't gonna hurt, is it? - No.
No, no.
Not until you regain consciousness.
- Sweet! - Wait! Duck! FATIMA: Not the shirt! What have I done? OK, here are your marks! Good to go.
- I can't believe we're doing this.
- Just play along.
- SARAH: And action! - Sarah has been kind enough to let us use her camera which will be running - through the night continuously.
- Oh, I'm gonna switch to infrared, it's better for ghost sightings.
- We don't want ghost sightings.
- Oh, that's right, - might make them mad.
- Ghosts get mad? - Of course, they're people too.
- No, they are not! There are no ghosts here.
SARAH: Sometimes, they're like angry demons.
Oh! What was that? SARAH: I'm not staying here to find out! - Mom! - Great start! You were gonna let Fred hit you in the head with a pan just so you could see me again? - Pretty dumb.
- And pretty sweet.
- Listen, Poopy.
- It's Poppy.
Poppy.
Uh, what are you doing here anyway? Preventing a homicide.
Well, now that you're here.
I guess it's a good time to to to - Ugh, come on, Nate! - Oh great, he's locking up, get me a meat mallet.
Would you like to go out for dinner with me sometime? No.
I'd like to go for dinner right now.
OK.
- You know, we could - Oh yeah, this is great.
I love the food here.
- AMAAR: You're not scared, are you? - RAYYAN: No.
Are you? No! Although, it is a little creepy in here.
That's just because it's unfinished, and there are drop cloths everywhere that look like ghosts.
Oh! What was that? Could be a million things, an old building with old plumbing, - leaky floorboard - Stop! That is not helping! Look, this is crazy! There are no ghosts here.
Things were just blown out of proportion, and now our minds are playing tricks on us.
OK? Yeah, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
What was that? Oh! Oh! Oh! Did it just get really, really cold in here? I'm sure it's just the old windows are letting the draft in.
What was that? There's a perfectly good explanation why those footsteps sound exactly like footsteps.
- Footsteps, they are getting closer.
- Good luck, ta-ta.
- Does that sound like? - La-ta-ta! La-ta-ta! Who are you gonna be telephoning? - Come on, say it! - I absolutely will not.
Ghostbabers! Anybody see a ghost? Well, what do you think? - Worst horror movie ever.
- I was speaking to Omar.
And you are completely sure that place isn't haunted? Positive.
Then, what are you still doing here, Amaar? You have a brand new mosque to finish.
In three short weeks.
- And we have a sequel to watch.
- What sequel is this? - Ghostbusters 2.
- Sounds suspiciously un-Islamic.
- Oh, quit being such a Debbie Downer.
- Hee! Hee! Yes.
I have learned my lesson.
I'm never gonna lie by omission, by avoiding to tell the truth - when asked to tell said truth.
- Hm! You know I'm actually a little disappointed that we didn't get to spend - the night in the mosque.
- Yeah, me too.
A little.
We have the sleeping bags, we can go spend the night there.
- Let's not and say we did.
- But wouldn't that be lying? Only to ourselves, Rayyan.
Only to ourselves.
I just can't believe how much we have in common.
I know, it's like we're brother and sister.
- I know, it's amazing! - Both the same favourite movie.
Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties.
- We read the same books.
- Sweet Valley High.
We both believe in a free market economy where regulation and intervention by the State should be limited to tax collection and enforcement - of private ownership and contracts.
- Da! We should go to the country this weekend.
Yes! Oh, we'll have to take your car, mine's in the shop.
Oh, I don't have a car.
Oh! Well, you know what? I'm sure I can borrow someone's car.
Ooh! Fred! Fred! Fred! I have a huge favour to ask.
Would you lend me Ah, to be young and in love.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Woo! Sandwich.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven