The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s06e09 Episode Script
Flock the Boat
1 [CAT PURRS, MEOWS.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GIGGLES.]
- [PUSS YOWLING.]
- El Gato! [YOWLS.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[PUSS.]
Though lightning crash And thunder roll Though rain may fall And winds may blow Naught can trouble San Lorenzo [RUMBLING, GLASS SHATTERING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[BOTTLES RATTLING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
Ohh! [GRUNTS.]
[RASPING.]
[SCREAMS, GRUNTS.]
[RUMBLING STOPS.]
Huh? [WHEEZING.]
[PUSS.]
Citizens of San Lorenzo! We can no longer hide from the truth.
We have an earthquake problem! We know, Puss in the Boots.
But what are you, our oh-so-big hero, going to do about it? What's Puss supposed to do? It's an earthquake, not a thief or a monster.
You can't fight it.
No! I can fight these earthquakes.
And I will.
By finding the cause of the quakes and putting a stop to them once and for all.
Yes! That is what I will do.
Never fear! [CHUCKLES.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Huh? [ALL GASPING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
- No, no, no, no! That is the opposite of "never fearing.
" [MAN.]
Puss in Boots! Thank Neptune we found ye! Ah, Nate! Slippery Jim! Tom Puddles! Pirate Joe! Not my name.
Also, we need your help.
Two-Eyed Alonso has been shanghaied! No! Also, what is "shanghaied"? It sounds delicious.
It means he got kidnapped.
We got this ransom note.
"If you ever want to see Two-Eyed Alonso again, come to the Island of Doom.
" What could this possibly mean? It's pretty straightforward.
It means to rescue him, we needs must go to the Island of Doom! Fun factoid: discovered and named by Captain Orphias Doom.
But also full of doom! Aye! A vile and dangerous place.
So we be needing help from the bravest, most heroic bloke around Puss in Boots! Tranche the Ogre! [YELLING.]
Greetings and salutations! Wait.
I am confused.
It sounded like you said Tranche was the most heroic, when clearly I And with Tranche secured, we needed the second most heroic bloke around.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You.
- What? Kitty Dum-Dum! 'Allo! But how do you even know each other? Well, before he went all posh-like, he was a bold adventurer, not unlike ourselves.
[SLIPPERY JIM.]
We first met Tranche when he saved the captain from a vicious air-squid, would've ate him for sure! [BRINY PETE.]
Oh, the monsters he's stopped from eating the captain [SLIPPERY JIM.]
Aye, sailed with us for nearly a year.
[TOM PUDDLES.]
Even though he left us to become a snazzy aristocrat, we never forgot Tranche's heroism.
[TRANCHE GRUNTS.]
When I learned of poor Alonso's capture, I vowed to renounce my life of luxury until I set him free with this hand and thrashed his captor with this other.
Rather.
[PIRATES CHEERING.]
Sure, sure.
If whoever captured Alonso wants to eat him, then Tranche is your man.
But right now, you need a hero skilled in stealth, whose mind is as sharp as his sword and whose heart is as big as his boots.
Aww.
Hear how he admires me? Warms the cockles, it does.
What? I was not talking about But enough parley, chaps.
We've got a captain to rescue.
I know.
- And I am the hero who [YOWLS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
[PUSS YELLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Citizens of San Lorenzo! I go to rescue Captain Alonso, single-handedly! Onward! To the Island of Doom! [DULCINEA.]
But, Puss, what about the earthquakes? [PUSS.]
I will deal with them when I get back! [PUSS SIGHS.]
Where is the little X? I am used to maps that have the X on them, showing where the things are.
Oh, don't worry about all that, Kitty.
Just go busy yourself with some yarn.
- Ha ha! - You do not have yarn.
Do you? I did not see any.
[STUTTERS.]
And even if you did, there is no time for yarn-playing! We are on a mission! Hmph! Oh, quite, quite.
But as acting captain, I have everything under control.
"Acting captain"? You are not acting captain.
I am acting captain.
Look at how captain-y I act! Ha ha! Captain Dum-Dum, Commander of the Seas! What a rattle! As the greatest hero aboard this ship, it is only fitting that I be acting captain.
[CHUCKLES, SNORTS.]
"The greatest hero"? You? Stuff and nonsense.
Pshaw, I say, pshaw! Did you just pshaw me? Well, let us see who is acting captain when I take control of the ship's mighty wheel! [GRUNTS.]
[PUSS CHUCKLES.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH STRUGGLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Yay! [GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[CHUCKLES, GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GROANS.]
A heroic acting captain's place is always with the wheel in paw [YELLING.]
[YELLING CONTINUES.]
[MEN GROANING AND RETCHING.]
Fine, you steer.
I will heroically keep a lookout for the Island of Doom! See how hard my eyes look out, with great heroic determination? Ugh.
- [PUSS.]
Whoa! - [CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GROWLS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Pip-pip.
[GROWLS.]
[NATE.]
Land ho! Off the starboard beam! [PUSS.]
Huh? Yes! Land! I saw it, too! Er, uh ho! Thar she be! The Island of Doom! Our Captain's a captive on that mountain.
It looks really a lot like the other island we went to.
Eh, you seen one island, you seen 'em all.
I'll spot dear old Captain Alonso first! My eyesight is tip-top! [GRUNTING.]
- [ALL SHOUTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[PUSS GRUNTING.]
Ha! [GRUNTS, GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
I'll do the saving! Pip-pip! [SPITS.]
[GASPS.]
Tranche! Unhand that rope! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Wait, if you're both here, who's manning the wheel? [BOTH.]
Uh [CAWING.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[CAWS.]
[WHEEL WHIRRING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[MAN YELLING.]
[THUD.]
[PANTING.]
Aha! We have arrived on the Island of Doom, exactly as I planned.
My pirate friends, while you repair the good Queen James, I, Puss in Boots, will heroically rescue Two-Eyed Alonso by myself.
Bosh! You ain't doing nothing by yourself without me.
[GRUNTING.]
- [LEAVES RUSTLING.]
- Huh? Captain Alonso, where are you? Clearly, you are hopelessly lost.
Wait a minute.
We've been together the whole time.
You're lost, too! I am not! I am merely taking all the paths so that none of the malefactors may escape.
[BOTH GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[MEN.]
Pappagallo! Pappagallo! [CHANTING.]
Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Pappagallo! [MALE VOICE.]
Quickly! [SQUAWKS.]
To the beach! The Queen James has sailed into our trap and will soon be mine! That voice, it sounds so familiar.
I'll stop the barmy buggers! Stand aside! No! No, no.
I will stop them.
- Quit stepping on my heroism.
- Ow! Quit stepping on me delicate ear-tube! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[MALE VOICE.]
Well, well.
This is a surprise.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[PUSS AND TRANCHE GASP.]
[BOTH.]
Bonky? My former shipmate, Tranche, and that meddling cat with the shoes.
Puss in Boots.
Bonky! You can talk? Must be witchcraft.
No, just elocution lessons.
Now, welcome to my kingdom! [MEN.]
Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Before you stand the most terrifying thieves in the world from the most terrifying place in the world France! We're from Italy.
Eh, same difference.
I have forged them into a mighty weapon.
My Bird Pirates, unparalleled in loyalty, bloodthirstiness, and plumage! I say, old chap, how'd you get them to bird-up like that? By using the most ancient method of mind control known to man or bird.
Sorcery? Hypnosis? Constructive criticism? No.
I used money.
[MEN EXCLAIMING.]
Seriously? Do not judge us.
We like the money.
Now seize them! [MEN SNICKERING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Even fighting together, you are no match for my feathery fiends.
That is your fatal mistake! Tranche and I are not together.
I, Puss in Boots, will defeat them alone, quite heroically! Which goes double for me! Pip-pip.
Get them! Separately! [GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Oi! Out of the way! - [GROWLS, GRUNTS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
No! You get out of my way! You get out of my way! How dare you? [SNARLING.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[PUSS.]
Ow, ow, ow, ow! - [BOTH GRUNT.]
- [PUSS CHOMPING.]
[YELLING.]
[PUSS AND TRANCHE GRUNTING.]
[BOTH.]
Mm-mm-mm.
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH.]
Huh? [GRUNTING.]
- This is your fault.
- No, it's your No takesies backsies.
No takesies backsies! [BONKY CHUCKLES.]
I have special plans for you, Puss in Boots.
Oh, yes.
[CACKLING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[BONKY.]
I have a crew of bloodthirsty pirates, and the Queen James will soon be mine.
As you can see, I have everything - a pirate king could want.
- [BELL RINGING.]
I have even commissioned a portrait.
But I lack the most vital part.
Hands? No! A parrot! But you are a parrot.
No, I am a pirate captain! And every pirate captain needs a parrot.
But just look at what I've been forced to work with.
[GROANS.]
[GASPS.]
Tranche! Kitty-mate! [BOTH GASP.]
Oh, no! Ye be captured! All is lost! "All is lost" what? All is lost uh, tweep? I mean, squeak? Squawk? Ugh, so terribly unconvincing.
Have you never listened to a single squawk I've squawked? This contemptible charade ends now, for Puss will be my new parrot! What? That is madness! Behold! All this could be yours.
Never! You could sleep every night in this reassuring cage and eat all the sea biscuits you want.
- Still no.
- I will pay you.
How much? No! No, no, no.
I will never be your parrot! Then you will perish! So be it.
To be your feathered slave would be a fate worse than death.
Oh, really? Well, what if it's not your death? - [SQUAWKS.]
- [GASPS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Ha! Wait.
What are you doing? Say good-bye to your ogre friend.
Uh no! [SHUDDERS.]
[SQUAWKS.]
[PUSS.]
Puss wants a cracker! [SQUAWKS.]
- Puss wants a cracker! - Huh? What did you say? [SQUAWKS.]
Puss wants a cracker! Splendid! Oh, just splendid! Who is your master? [SQUAWKS.]
Captain Bonky.
Captain Bonky! Yes, that will do very well.
Cut him loose! [SQUAWKS.]
Handsome boy! Handsome boy! [SQUAWKS.]
I enjoy a little ladder! - Yes, yes! - [SQUAWKING.]
Puss wants a cracker! - [CACKLING.]
- [PUSS.]
Puss wants a cracker! Of course you do! Simple bird! Ha! [BONKY LAUGHING.]
[GROANS.]
[SQUAWKING.]
Handsome boy! - Handsome boy! Captain Bonky! - [BONKY.]
Yes, you are.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, why don't you show everyone how nicely you dance? Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
Puss wants to dance! - [GRUNTING.]
- [LIVELY LATIN MUSIC.]
Oh, yes! Yes! Splendid! [BONKY LAUGHING.]
[MEN CHEERING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [ALL CHUCKLING.]
Shake it, cat-parrot! Shake it! [CACKLES.]
- Round and round we go! Whee! - [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [LAUGHING.]
[CACKLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Bravo! Bravo! To seal our bond, I will feed you.
- What the - This is a little something I made myself.
Something very special.
[PUSS.]
No, no, no, no, no, no! - [BONKY VOMITS.]
- [PUSS GAGS.]
Arr.
That's dashed unpleasant.
Captain Bonky has his parrot! Now nothing can stop us! [ALL CHEERING.]
Not so fast, Bonky.
- [ALL.]
Huh? - Whah? We will stop you.
But But we could have sailed a mighty sea of adventure together.
I only travel in the company of heroes.
That bally well goes double for me.
We fight together! [GROWLING.]
Get them! [ALL GRUNTING.]
[BONKY SQUAWKING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SQUAWKING.]
[PUSS SHOUTS.]
[PUSS SCREAMING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [SQUAWKS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Whoa! - [SQUAWKS.]
- [BRANCH CRACKING.]
- [PUSS.]
Uh-oh.
[SNICKERING.]
[TRANCHE GASPS.]
[BRANCH CREAKING.]
Humiliating yourself with that parrot act to save my life that was the most heroic thingummy I've ever seen [GRUNTS.]
until now.
Huh? I sacrifice myself to save you! Tranche! [VOICE ECHOING.]
[EXHALES.]
- [BRANCH CRACKING.]
- [GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SQUAWKING.]
Alonso! Please control your parrot! [BONKY.]
I am not his parrot! Whoa! [GRUNTS.]
[CACKLING.]
To your doom, you vulgar cat in shoes! [SQUAWKS.]
[ECHOING.]
Puss in Boots! [SQUAWKS.]
Now, my feathered pirates, let us claim our prize, the Queen James! [ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING.]
[DISTANT CREAKING.]
Huh? [WORRIED MURMURS.]
[PIRATES CHEERING.]
Come and take her, if you can! Come to rescue you, Cap'n! Huzzah, me mateys! [BONKY SQUAWKS.]
Bird pirates, attack! [GRUNTS.]
[ALL GASP.]
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLING.]
- [ALONSO SHOUTS.]
- Tranche! The captain! [GRUNTING.]
Tallyho, Captain! Hoist the anchor, Tom! - Aye, aye! - Not without me Bonky! I am not your Bonky! [SQUAWKS.]
This isn't over yet, Puss in Boots! [BONKY SQUAWKING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[BONKY SQUAWKING.]
Save me, Bird Pirates! [SQUAWKING FADES.]
What are we gonna do now? Well, we can always find another crazy rich parrot to pay us, yes? Yes? Or no? What, no? No Well, maybe, but - [GROWLS.]
- Probably not.
Ye did it, boys! Ye helped us save our beloved captain! Well, I cannot take all the credit.
Tranche, you truly are a mighty hero.
And you, Kitty Dum-Du [CLEARS THROAT.]
Puss in Boots, are quite the topper! [BOTH.]
And together we'll fight for honor Wondrous news, me hearties! Bonky is so, so very, very sorry for all he's done, and he begs your forgiveness.
I'm sow-wee.
[SQUAWKS.]
Ye see? So I've allowed him to rejoin the crew.
Boys, Bonky's back! [LAUGHING.]
- Wha - [BONKY.]
You fool! You haven't seen the last of me! [CACKLING.]
Oh, come on.
You must have known that was going to happen.
It is like you wanted him to get away.
[SNIFFLES.]
Ye can't prove that.
Land ho! San Lorenzo! Yes! [CHUCKLES.]
Fair winds and good fortune, my friends.
Until we meet again! [OVERLAPPING FAREWELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
I am returned! We rescued Two-Eyed Alonso, and I was quite heroic.
I would say "the most heroic," but, uh, that is really not the point of Oh, wow.
What happened? We had, like, 50 earthquakes! And now, I will get to the bottom of these earthquakes and defeat them once and [GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
[STRAINING.]
Do not worry.
I have this.
[GASPS.]
Seriously, I have got it.
Please, do not try to help me.
It is starting to give.
[GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
I am just going to rest here for a while.
[GROANS.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GIGGLES.]
- [PUSS YOWLING.]
- El Gato! [YOWLS.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[PUSS.]
Though lightning crash And thunder roll Though rain may fall And winds may blow Naught can trouble San Lorenzo [RUMBLING, GLASS SHATTERING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[BOTTLES RATTLING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
Ohh! [GRUNTS.]
[RASPING.]
[SCREAMS, GRUNTS.]
[RUMBLING STOPS.]
Huh? [WHEEZING.]
[PUSS.]
Citizens of San Lorenzo! We can no longer hide from the truth.
We have an earthquake problem! We know, Puss in the Boots.
But what are you, our oh-so-big hero, going to do about it? What's Puss supposed to do? It's an earthquake, not a thief or a monster.
You can't fight it.
No! I can fight these earthquakes.
And I will.
By finding the cause of the quakes and putting a stop to them once and for all.
Yes! That is what I will do.
Never fear! [CHUCKLES.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Huh? [ALL GASPING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
- No, no, no, no! That is the opposite of "never fearing.
" [MAN.]
Puss in Boots! Thank Neptune we found ye! Ah, Nate! Slippery Jim! Tom Puddles! Pirate Joe! Not my name.
Also, we need your help.
Two-Eyed Alonso has been shanghaied! No! Also, what is "shanghaied"? It sounds delicious.
It means he got kidnapped.
We got this ransom note.
"If you ever want to see Two-Eyed Alonso again, come to the Island of Doom.
" What could this possibly mean? It's pretty straightforward.
It means to rescue him, we needs must go to the Island of Doom! Fun factoid: discovered and named by Captain Orphias Doom.
But also full of doom! Aye! A vile and dangerous place.
So we be needing help from the bravest, most heroic bloke around Puss in Boots! Tranche the Ogre! [YELLING.]
Greetings and salutations! Wait.
I am confused.
It sounded like you said Tranche was the most heroic, when clearly I And with Tranche secured, we needed the second most heroic bloke around.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You.
- What? Kitty Dum-Dum! 'Allo! But how do you even know each other? Well, before he went all posh-like, he was a bold adventurer, not unlike ourselves.
[SLIPPERY JIM.]
We first met Tranche when he saved the captain from a vicious air-squid, would've ate him for sure! [BRINY PETE.]
Oh, the monsters he's stopped from eating the captain [SLIPPERY JIM.]
Aye, sailed with us for nearly a year.
[TOM PUDDLES.]
Even though he left us to become a snazzy aristocrat, we never forgot Tranche's heroism.
[TRANCHE GRUNTS.]
When I learned of poor Alonso's capture, I vowed to renounce my life of luxury until I set him free with this hand and thrashed his captor with this other.
Rather.
[PIRATES CHEERING.]
Sure, sure.
If whoever captured Alonso wants to eat him, then Tranche is your man.
But right now, you need a hero skilled in stealth, whose mind is as sharp as his sword and whose heart is as big as his boots.
Aww.
Hear how he admires me? Warms the cockles, it does.
What? I was not talking about But enough parley, chaps.
We've got a captain to rescue.
I know.
- And I am the hero who [YOWLS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
[PUSS YELLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Citizens of San Lorenzo! I go to rescue Captain Alonso, single-handedly! Onward! To the Island of Doom! [DULCINEA.]
But, Puss, what about the earthquakes? [PUSS.]
I will deal with them when I get back! [PUSS SIGHS.]
Where is the little X? I am used to maps that have the X on them, showing where the things are.
Oh, don't worry about all that, Kitty.
Just go busy yourself with some yarn.
- Ha ha! - You do not have yarn.
Do you? I did not see any.
[STUTTERS.]
And even if you did, there is no time for yarn-playing! We are on a mission! Hmph! Oh, quite, quite.
But as acting captain, I have everything under control.
"Acting captain"? You are not acting captain.
I am acting captain.
Look at how captain-y I act! Ha ha! Captain Dum-Dum, Commander of the Seas! What a rattle! As the greatest hero aboard this ship, it is only fitting that I be acting captain.
[CHUCKLES, SNORTS.]
"The greatest hero"? You? Stuff and nonsense.
Pshaw, I say, pshaw! Did you just pshaw me? Well, let us see who is acting captain when I take control of the ship's mighty wheel! [GRUNTS.]
[PUSS CHUCKLES.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH STRUGGLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Yay! [GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[CHUCKLES, GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GROANS.]
A heroic acting captain's place is always with the wheel in paw [YELLING.]
[YELLING CONTINUES.]
[MEN GROANING AND RETCHING.]
Fine, you steer.
I will heroically keep a lookout for the Island of Doom! See how hard my eyes look out, with great heroic determination? Ugh.
- [PUSS.]
Whoa! - [CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GROWLS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Pip-pip.
[GROWLS.]
[NATE.]
Land ho! Off the starboard beam! [PUSS.]
Huh? Yes! Land! I saw it, too! Er, uh ho! Thar she be! The Island of Doom! Our Captain's a captive on that mountain.
It looks really a lot like the other island we went to.
Eh, you seen one island, you seen 'em all.
I'll spot dear old Captain Alonso first! My eyesight is tip-top! [GRUNTING.]
- [ALL SHOUTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[PUSS GRUNTING.]
Ha! [GRUNTS, GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
I'll do the saving! Pip-pip! [SPITS.]
[GASPS.]
Tranche! Unhand that rope! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Wait, if you're both here, who's manning the wheel? [BOTH.]
Uh [CAWING.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[CAWS.]
[WHEEL WHIRRING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
[MAN YELLING.]
[THUD.]
[PANTING.]
Aha! We have arrived on the Island of Doom, exactly as I planned.
My pirate friends, while you repair the good Queen James, I, Puss in Boots, will heroically rescue Two-Eyed Alonso by myself.
Bosh! You ain't doing nothing by yourself without me.
[GRUNTING.]
- [LEAVES RUSTLING.]
- Huh? Captain Alonso, where are you? Clearly, you are hopelessly lost.
Wait a minute.
We've been together the whole time.
You're lost, too! I am not! I am merely taking all the paths so that none of the malefactors may escape.
[BOTH GRUNTING AND PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[MEN.]
Pappagallo! Pappagallo! [CHANTING.]
Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Pappagallo! [MALE VOICE.]
Quickly! [SQUAWKS.]
To the beach! The Queen James has sailed into our trap and will soon be mine! That voice, it sounds so familiar.
I'll stop the barmy buggers! Stand aside! No! No, no.
I will stop them.
- Quit stepping on my heroism.
- Ow! Quit stepping on me delicate ear-tube! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[MALE VOICE.]
Well, well.
This is a surprise.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[PUSS AND TRANCHE GASP.]
[BOTH.]
Bonky? My former shipmate, Tranche, and that meddling cat with the shoes.
Puss in Boots.
Bonky! You can talk? Must be witchcraft.
No, just elocution lessons.
Now, welcome to my kingdom! [MEN.]
Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Pappagallo! Before you stand the most terrifying thieves in the world from the most terrifying place in the world France! We're from Italy.
Eh, same difference.
I have forged them into a mighty weapon.
My Bird Pirates, unparalleled in loyalty, bloodthirstiness, and plumage! I say, old chap, how'd you get them to bird-up like that? By using the most ancient method of mind control known to man or bird.
Sorcery? Hypnosis? Constructive criticism? No.
I used money.
[MEN EXCLAIMING.]
Seriously? Do not judge us.
We like the money.
Now seize them! [MEN SNICKERING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Even fighting together, you are no match for my feathery fiends.
That is your fatal mistake! Tranche and I are not together.
I, Puss in Boots, will defeat them alone, quite heroically! Which goes double for me! Pip-pip.
Get them! Separately! [GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Oi! Out of the way! - [GROWLS, GRUNTS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
No! You get out of my way! You get out of my way! How dare you? [SNARLING.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[PUSS.]
Ow, ow, ow, ow! - [BOTH GRUNT.]
- [PUSS CHOMPING.]
[YELLING.]
[PUSS AND TRANCHE GRUNTING.]
[BOTH.]
Mm-mm-mm.
[GRUNTING.]
[BOTH.]
Huh? [GRUNTING.]
- This is your fault.
- No, it's your No takesies backsies.
No takesies backsies! [BONKY CHUCKLES.]
I have special plans for you, Puss in Boots.
Oh, yes.
[CACKLING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[BONKY.]
I have a crew of bloodthirsty pirates, and the Queen James will soon be mine.
As you can see, I have everything - a pirate king could want.
- [BELL RINGING.]
I have even commissioned a portrait.
But I lack the most vital part.
Hands? No! A parrot! But you are a parrot.
No, I am a pirate captain! And every pirate captain needs a parrot.
But just look at what I've been forced to work with.
[GROANS.]
[GASPS.]
Tranche! Kitty-mate! [BOTH GASP.]
Oh, no! Ye be captured! All is lost! "All is lost" what? All is lost uh, tweep? I mean, squeak? Squawk? Ugh, so terribly unconvincing.
Have you never listened to a single squawk I've squawked? This contemptible charade ends now, for Puss will be my new parrot! What? That is madness! Behold! All this could be yours.
Never! You could sleep every night in this reassuring cage and eat all the sea biscuits you want.
- Still no.
- I will pay you.
How much? No! No, no, no.
I will never be your parrot! Then you will perish! So be it.
To be your feathered slave would be a fate worse than death.
Oh, really? Well, what if it's not your death? - [SQUAWKS.]
- [GASPS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Ha! Wait.
What are you doing? Say good-bye to your ogre friend.
Uh no! [SHUDDERS.]
[SQUAWKS.]
[PUSS.]
Puss wants a cracker! [SQUAWKS.]
- Puss wants a cracker! - Huh? What did you say? [SQUAWKS.]
Puss wants a cracker! Splendid! Oh, just splendid! Who is your master? [SQUAWKS.]
Captain Bonky.
Captain Bonky! Yes, that will do very well.
Cut him loose! [SQUAWKS.]
Handsome boy! Handsome boy! [SQUAWKS.]
I enjoy a little ladder! - Yes, yes! - [SQUAWKING.]
Puss wants a cracker! - [CACKLING.]
- [PUSS.]
Puss wants a cracker! Of course you do! Simple bird! Ha! [BONKY LAUGHING.]
[GROANS.]
[SQUAWKING.]
Handsome boy! - Handsome boy! Captain Bonky! - [BONKY.]
Yes, you are.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, why don't you show everyone how nicely you dance? Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
Puss wants to dance! - [GRUNTING.]
- [LIVELY LATIN MUSIC.]
Oh, yes! Yes! Splendid! [BONKY LAUGHING.]
[MEN CHEERING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [ALL CHUCKLING.]
Shake it, cat-parrot! Shake it! [CACKLES.]
- Round and round we go! Whee! - [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [LAUGHING.]
[CACKLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Bravo! Bravo! To seal our bond, I will feed you.
- What the - This is a little something I made myself.
Something very special.
[PUSS.]
No, no, no, no, no, no! - [BONKY VOMITS.]
- [PUSS GAGS.]
Arr.
That's dashed unpleasant.
Captain Bonky has his parrot! Now nothing can stop us! [ALL CHEERING.]
Not so fast, Bonky.
- [ALL.]
Huh? - Whah? We will stop you.
But But we could have sailed a mighty sea of adventure together.
I only travel in the company of heroes.
That bally well goes double for me.
We fight together! [GROWLING.]
Get them! [ALL GRUNTING.]
[BONKY SQUAWKING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SQUAWKING.]
[PUSS SHOUTS.]
[PUSS SCREAMING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [SQUAWKS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Whoa! - [SQUAWKS.]
- [BRANCH CRACKING.]
- [PUSS.]
Uh-oh.
[SNICKERING.]
[TRANCHE GASPS.]
[BRANCH CREAKING.]
Humiliating yourself with that parrot act to save my life that was the most heroic thingummy I've ever seen [GRUNTS.]
until now.
Huh? I sacrifice myself to save you! Tranche! [VOICE ECHOING.]
[EXHALES.]
- [BRANCH CRACKING.]
- [GASPS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SQUAWKING.]
Alonso! Please control your parrot! [BONKY.]
I am not his parrot! Whoa! [GRUNTS.]
[CACKLING.]
To your doom, you vulgar cat in shoes! [SQUAWKS.]
[ECHOING.]
Puss in Boots! [SQUAWKS.]
Now, my feathered pirates, let us claim our prize, the Queen James! [ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING.]
[DISTANT CREAKING.]
Huh? [WORRIED MURMURS.]
[PIRATES CHEERING.]
Come and take her, if you can! Come to rescue you, Cap'n! Huzzah, me mateys! [BONKY SQUAWKS.]
Bird pirates, attack! [GRUNTS.]
[ALL GASP.]
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLING.]
- [ALONSO SHOUTS.]
- Tranche! The captain! [GRUNTING.]
Tallyho, Captain! Hoist the anchor, Tom! - Aye, aye! - Not without me Bonky! I am not your Bonky! [SQUAWKS.]
This isn't over yet, Puss in Boots! [BONKY SQUAWKING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[BONKY SQUAWKING.]
Save me, Bird Pirates! [SQUAWKING FADES.]
What are we gonna do now? Well, we can always find another crazy rich parrot to pay us, yes? Yes? Or no? What, no? No Well, maybe, but - [GROWLS.]
- Probably not.
Ye did it, boys! Ye helped us save our beloved captain! Well, I cannot take all the credit.
Tranche, you truly are a mighty hero.
And you, Kitty Dum-Du [CLEARS THROAT.]
Puss in Boots, are quite the topper! [BOTH.]
And together we'll fight for honor Wondrous news, me hearties! Bonky is so, so very, very sorry for all he's done, and he begs your forgiveness.
I'm sow-wee.
[SQUAWKS.]
Ye see? So I've allowed him to rejoin the crew.
Boys, Bonky's back! [LAUGHING.]
- Wha - [BONKY.]
You fool! You haven't seen the last of me! [CACKLING.]
Oh, come on.
You must have known that was going to happen.
It is like you wanted him to get away.
[SNIFFLES.]
Ye can't prove that.
Land ho! San Lorenzo! Yes! [CHUCKLES.]
Fair winds and good fortune, my friends.
Until we meet again! [OVERLAPPING FAREWELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
I am returned! We rescued Two-Eyed Alonso, and I was quite heroic.
I would say "the most heroic," but, uh, that is really not the point of Oh, wow.
What happened? We had, like, 50 earthquakes! And now, I will get to the bottom of these earthquakes and defeat them once and [GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
[STRAINING.]
Do not worry.
I have this.
[GASPS.]
Seriously, I have got it.
Please, do not try to help me.
It is starting to give.
[GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
I am just going to rest here for a while.
[GROANS.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]