Bewitched (1964) s06e10 Episode Script

- Darrin, what kind of eggs would you like? - How about chicken eggs? - Fried or scrambled? - Surprise me.
Love you.
What's the matter, love? Missed your mommy, huh? "I am a prisoner in an egg foo yung factory.
" Okay.
Who's the smart aleck witch? You owe me one egg.
I hardly think that's a proper way to address your father.
Daddy, I'm sorry.
I thought maybe it was Mother or Serena.
I hardly expected you to make such a quiet entrance.
I didn't want to disturb How is the little prince? Just fine.
Looking more like you every day.
Just for that, my darling daughter, I'm going to bestow on you the highest honour at my disposal.
Thank you, Daddy.
Hello there, little Adam.
My, he is just thriving, isn't he? Incidentally, before I left London, I entered him for membership in the Warlock Club.
- At the age of ten weeks? - Well, it's never too early.
Before you know it, he'll be a man.
And a man never knows when he's going to want to spend the night in town.
If he isn't a member of the club, he'll have to stay in a hotel.
We can't have that, can we? No, I guess not.
And how is little Tabitha? - As radiant as her mother, I hope.
- She's taking a walk with Esmeralda.
Why don't you stay for breakfast? You can see her later.
Love to.
I'll have champagne and caviar.
Beluga caviar of course, caught off the north shore of the Caspian in the month of May.
- And the champagne - I'm sorry.
But we're fresh out of champagne and caviar from anywhere.
Nonsense.
You can't be fresh out of anything as long as you have your powers.
Daddy, stop it.
You know that witchcraft is off limits around here, except in extreme emergencies.
But this is an emergency.
I'm dying for some caviar and champagne.
Well, you haven't lived until you've tasted a handmade breakfast.
You know, the trouble around here is ego, plain, unvarnished mortal ego.
Your husband doesn't want you to use your natural powers because it makes him feel inferior.
But I tell you, unequivocally, that if he had those same powers, his objections would vanish in a flash.
I don't agree.
What a pleasant surprise, company for breakfast.
Yes, Daddy's always a wonderful surprise.
Well, well, well, how good to see you, Dustbin.
Darrin.
It's been far too long since our last meeting.
- I wouldn't say that.
- Darrin, - Daddy's going to join us for breakfast.
- Terrific.
Samantha's looking absolutely fabulous, my boy.
No doubt due to your tender loving care.
You know, your mother's quite wrong about him.
- Sit down.
Sit down.
- Thank you, sir.
- Why so formal? Call me Maurice.
- Okay.
Maurice.
- Or Dad.
- Okay, Dad.
You were right.
Sir is best.
What's for breakfast? I think we're having fatted calf.
- I have a little surprise for you, Darryl.
- Darrin.
In honour of the arrival of my first grandson.
- That really wasn't necessary, Maurice.
- Sir.
Sir.
That watch is waterproof, anti-magnetic and has built-in aircraft radar.
Well, it's really very handsome.
- It's shock-proof, too.
- I don't know what to say.
But, best of all, you can perform witchcraft with it.
Now I know what to say.
No, thank you.
- Now look, Darwood.
- Darrin.
What's wrong with using the watch just to tell the time? You didn't mention it could do that.
- Now, Dustin, my boy - It's Darrin, my boy.
Thank you.
Daddy, if he doesn't want it, why force him? Why does he have to be such a dog in the manger? He's no such thing.
He's a man of principle.
You mean he was a man of principle.
Daddy! That is unfair, unreasonable and downright despicable.
- Yes, isn't it? - I order you to change You what? I mean, I beg you to change him back.
Look.
Isn't that sweet? The doggie's begging, too.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
You looked so cute I got carried away.
Before Samantha comes back down, just between us fellows, why don't you save yourself a lot of trouble and take the watch? Stubborn.
His highness is tucked in and all is well with the world, except right here.
Daddy, how could you do such a thing to Darrin? One minute you tell me how well I look thanks to his tender loving care, and then you do something like this.
I know, sweetheart.
I admit I lost my temper a bit, but I was entirely justified.
Of course you were, Daddy, but remember, "The quality of mercy is not strained.
" "It is twice bless'd, it blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
" "'Tis mightiest in the might" And you are mighty enough to show some of that mercy to Darrin.
Samantha, you should have been a lawyer.
Everything's fine now, sweetheart.
Sure.
Thank you, from the bottom of my jowls.
Now, now, sweetheart, let's be reasonable.
Let's keep an open mind.
It's open.
It's also made up.
Look, young man, my daughter's been decent enough to live your mortal life for five long years.
- Has she not? - Well, yes.
Well, the least you can do is to experience the other side of the coin for a few short days.
Now, that sounds like a fair compromise.
- A few short days? - One short day if you like.
- It's a deal, sir.
- Call me Maurice.
Now that he's gone, there are a couple of other things I'd like to call him.
I wouldn't if I were you.
Daddy may be out of sight, but he's seldom out of earshot.
Hello? Hi, Larry.
I was held up by some unexpected visitors.
Yeah, I'm just leaving.
Right.
Goodbye.
- I've gotta run, honey.
- Well, you haven't had your breakfast.
Yes, you have.
I've got an important meeting this morning and I don't want to be late.
And you know how bad the traffic is at this hour.
What is all this traffic nonsense? All you have to do is to command the watch and you're at the office.
Actually, Maurice, I love the drive.
Gives me time to relax, listen to the traffic bulletins.
You're trying my patience.
- Darrin, you know Daddy's temper.
- You're doggone right.
Now, just a few simple instructions.
You hold the watch.
You concentrate on where you want to be and you say, Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum.
"Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum"? That was a dirty trick! Bye, sweetheart.
See you at dinner.
Well, I'll say this for Darrin.
He disappeared like he's been doing it all his life.
Except for that pained look on his face.
And these.
But he'll improve with practise.
Okay.
Darrin needs a new pair of shoes.
Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum.
Not bad.
The toes are a little pointy, but what does a watch know about shoes? Darrin, what are you doing here? - Looking at my shoes.
- Well, they must have wings on them.
I just talked to you at home a minute ago.
Oh, that.
I thought I'd just play a little joke on you.
- Joke? - Well, actually it's a gadget.
I read about it in Science Over Logic, the new magazine.
You see, I put it on my Dictaphone which is connected to your telephone through the master conduit of the switch box which is connected to the apparatus cabinet of the main wiring terminal.
It bends the voice impulse, you know, it makes it sound like you're there when you're really here.
- No kidding? - Works great, huh? And I fooled you, didn't I? I don't know what you're talking about.
But I would think you would have more important things to do with your time.
For instance, working on the Bliss Pharmaceutical presentation.
- We're due there in an hour.
- It's right here.
Well, let's go into my office and check them out.
By the way, where did those shoes come from? Rome? Possibly.
Why, do you like them? Yeah, they're all right, if you like pointy toes.
He's a fine young lad.
Have you any indication yet of what his powers might be? - He's only ten weeks old.
- What of it? At his age, I flew.
How can you remember a thing like that? When you get caught in a flock of swallows returning to Capistrano, you don't forget.
Yes, he's going to be a fine young warlock.
It is possible that he could be entirely mortal and every inch a Stephens.
Bite your tongue.
I do the feeding, you do the burping.
Now I think I'll just pop in and see how Dustbin is doing.
Oh, my goodness.
Daddy, you're setting the father-in-law business back a hundred years.
Ain't he silly? He isn't, really.
He's very nice when you get to know him.
Yes, he is.
Yes, he is.
And then when the new Bliss Cough Syrup bottle is on the shelves, we coordinate an advertising campaign on radio and television pegged on the slogan, "Ask any doctor about a bad cough, and he'll tell you silence is bliss.
" Clever.
I think.
Clever? Lt'll knock the competition on its ear.
You're right.
I guess.
Sure, I'm right.
And that new bottle design is a beauty.
- Yes, it's very handsome, very.
- But? - No buts.
No buts at all.
- Good, then it's settled.
Of course the square bottle with the little gold cap, which was my father's idea, has been our trademark since 1918.
- Really? - Not to mention that my father has always prided himself on making Bliss Cough Syrup a household name strictly by word of mouth.
Well, Mr Bliss, word of mouth is a good way to spread a cough, not a cough syrup.
That's a good one.
You are joking, aren't you? - Of course he's joking.
- Well, not really.
The fact is your total sales are down 23% in the past five years.
I know.
Awful, isn't it? And unnecessary.
You've got to change with the times.
Darrin means that McMann & Tate is prepared to preserve the old while adopting the new.
That sounds like a good idea.
How do you do that? Yes, Larry, how do you do that? Let's talk about it over lunch.
I couldn't possibly make lunch.
I'm expected at a board meeting this afternoon.
In fact, I'm late already.
I'm sure the board will be delighted with our unique approach.
Maybe.
But, as you know, we've also been talking to Gilbey Associates about handling our account.
No.
I didn't know.
Of course, what Darrin was just saying about new packaging and using television, that was strictly a personal opinion.
He doesn't have the last word.
- That's up to me.
- Larry.
Well, we'll definitely be deciding on the approach we want at the board meeting today, maybe.
- Thanks for the vote of confidence.
- Darrin, I'm sorry.
But I had to do something to show that we were strong yet flexible.
Like a tower of Jell-O.
I'm a man who operates on the theory that you find out what the client wants and that's what you give him.
There's only one fly in that Jell-O.
We're not going to be at that board meeting.
Well, Dolphin, doesn't that suggest something to you? Maurice, if you don't mind, I'm not the slightest bit interested in attending that meeting, - power or no power.
- You see? It's obviously important to you or you wouldn't be so overwrought.
Why don't we talk about it over lunch? I know a charming little Chinese restaurant, very relaxed, only a few seconds from here.
- Well, since I have to eat somewhere.
- Splendid.
Come along.
You can tell the food is excellent.
All the Hong Kong rickshaw drivers eat here.
Never mind that.
You shanghaied me to Hong Kong.
"Shanghaied you to Hong Kong.
" That pun is worthy of Uncle Arthur.
Maurice, I demand you get me out of here this instant.
Stop worrying.
You won't miss the board meeting.
I certainly will miss it.
I have no intention of going.
- Why not? - Because it's dishonest.
You'll be invisible.
Who's going to know? Me, I'm going to know.
Very well.
You can leave Hong Kong whenever you like on your own power.
I'd swim back before I'd agree to use that watch.
Dolphin, look into my eyes and listen to me very carefully.
You are quicksilver, a fleeting shadow, a distant sound, your life has no boundary beyond which you cannot pass.
You live in music, in a flash of colour.
You live on the wind and in the sparkle of a star.
Go to that board meeting, listen, learn.
And once you've tasted the forbidden fruit, you'll love it.
- You know, sir - Call me Maurice.
You have marvellous powers of persuasion, Maurice.
Yes.
Yes, I know.
- Well, I'd better be getting back.
- Yes, of course.
- Prancee, Zolden - Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum.
- Don't re-write me.
- Zolda, Prancan, Kolum, Pek.
- Kopek, Lum.
- Lum not here today.
- Kopek, Lum.
- Kopek, Lum.
Sometimes I wonder why I even try.
Now then, Father, turning to the Gilbey Associates approach, they have a completely opposite viewpoint from that of McMann & Tate.
Well, go on.
Go on.
Gilbey recommends that we keep the traditional Bliss Cough Syrup bottle.
- With the little gold cap on top? - With the little gold cap on top.
Good, good.
I like the little gold cap.
Doesn't everybody? - Yes.
- Yes.
Sorry, I'm late.
I had to pay the cheque and they couldn't change a million yen bill.
What's the matter? You got a headache? They'll hear us.
No, they won't.
We're both invisible and inaudible.
Now, at McMann & Tate, Father, they're recommending radio, television, and all that sort of thing.
And what about the Gilbey people? What's their scheme? The old mail order approach.
Well, what do you say, son? Well, sir, I say I'd love to hear what you have to say first.
Smart boy, respects his father.
He'll go far, right? - Right.
- Right.
Smart old man.
Notice how he controls his child? - I wonder how he does it.
- Please.
- I told you, they can't hear us.
- No, no, them.
I can't hear them.
I say we've been in business 50 years.
Right? - Right.
- Right.
If it's good enough for 50 years, it's good enough for 51.
Right? - Right.
- Right.
- I say we go with Gilbey.
- With Gilbey, sir, all the way.
- Zolda, Prancan - Just think it, lad.
He did that beautifully.
Well, I know when I'm not needed.
Darrin, for Pete's sake, what are you doing in my office? I didn't even hear you come in.
Well, it's these shoes.
They're not only pointy, they're squeak-proof.
Bliss hasn't called me yet.
What do you think it means? I think it means we lost the account to Gilbey.
- Who asked you? - But I know how we can get it back.
Get it back? We haven't lost it yet.
I just told you Bliss hasn't called.
- Larry, I have inside information.
- You have? The only way we can get that account is to give old man Bliss what he wants.
What's that? His little gold cap and a 1930 sales approach.
- Darrin, are you sure? - I'll stake my job on it.
You have, you have.
Get busy on the new roughs.
I'll call Bliss and try to talk him into another meeting.
Darrin, if you don't mind, this is my office.
Well, I talked to Bliss Jr and hinted that we had scrapped our whiz-bang approach for a more traditional concept, and he went for it.
Larry, you're going to have to get used to something.
I'm never wrong.
I can get used to you never being wrong, but I don't know if I can get used to hearing you say it.
Yeah.
Well, I'd better get these over to the art department.
Darrin, how did you get that inside info? Larry, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.
Son of a gun.
Today Bliss Pharmaceutical, tomorrow the world.
You should have seen him, Samantha, zapping and popping like an old pro.
Remember, he promised only to use the power for one day, after that I'm sure he'll revert to his amateur standing.
I don't think so, Samantha.
He has opened the forbidden can of peas.
He has taken the proverbial inch.
He has tasted power.
It's like pâté de foie gras.
Once you start, you can't stop.
You don't know Darrin.
I know mortals.
They have as much backbone as an earthworm.
Darrin is an exceptional human being.
Your loyalty is commendable, my dear, but your perspective, a little distorted.
That's not true.
He's sensitive, principled and a very good judge of character.
- What is it? - Here comes the judge.
Goodbye, my dear.
Goodbye, Daddy.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, sweetheart.
Guess what happened today? Can it wait? I've got some really good news.
- Mine's pretty good, too.
- Sam, I've got to get this off my chest.
I've come to the conclusion that your father is right.
No, listen.
I married you for what you are.
If I love you enough, I have to accept that.
And I have no right to deny you the things of your natural heritage.
- Well, that's all over now.
- Over? Yes, your father is right.
You deserve all the things I haven't been able to give you.
- Darrin, I have everything I want.
- Not enough.
Why, by the time I can afford to buy you a mink coat, minks might be extinct.
All I'm suggesting is that we speed things up a little.
Now tell me, what's your good news? Oh, well, it's about the baby.
He rolled over today.
- Rolled over what? - You know, turned over by himself.
Hey, that's great.
Let's celebrate.
How about dinner at Maxim's in Paris? Darrin, would you mind if we spent a quiet evening at home? Your good news has taken a lot out of me.
I knew you'd be thrilled.
So we'll have a quiet dinner at home.
I'll go get cleaned up.
He has opened the forbidden can of peas.
He has taken the proverbial inch.
He has tasted power.
It's like pâté de foie gras.
Once you start, you can't stop.
Not Darrin.
No.
It's been a big day for him.
A good night's rest and he'll come to his senses.
I hope.
Don't miss part two, "Darrin the Warlock," next week on Bewitched.