Buffy the Vampire Slayer s06e11 Episode Script
Gone
Previously: Last night changed things.
The only thing different is that I'm disgusted with myself.
Is this the way to the movies? What is this place? I'll just be a minute.
Willow and Dawn have been missing for hours.
- Do you know how long I've been here? - Let's get outta here.
Dawnie, I'm sorry! - You could have killed her! - I need help.
No more spells.
I'm finished.
- Got it.
- It's beautiful.
Phase one of the plan is now complete.
Candles? We can't have candles? Dawn, it's a magic clearance.
Everything must go.
But they're just candles.
Well, to you and me they're just candles, but to witches they're like bongs.
So, no candles, no charms, no - Bird.
- No bird? The peacock on the table.
It has two crystals in it.
Tara, she she left them.
I'll make sure she gets them.
Dawn, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there? Kokopelli? No! I love him.
And he was Mom's.
Why do we have to get rid of so many things I like? Dawn, I explained this to you.
Willow has a problem.
The next few weeks are gonna be crazy hard on her as it is.
Any reminder of what it is that she's trying to stay away from could cause her to give in to temptation.
And that would be bad.
OK, that's it.
It's finally done.
I mean, it still needs a trial run, but it's - Kinda clunky-lookin'.
- What? I pictured something cooler.
More ILM, less Ed Wood.
You wanna see cool? I'll show you cool.
Mama! Did it? Is it? Yeah.
- I'd call that a successful test.
- Well, that's just half the test.
Hey Hey! - You penis! - Oh, cheer up, Frodo.
Because, thanks to my brains and our mystical gem, we got an invisibility ray.
And I'd say that makes us pretty much unstoppable.
Dawn, come on.
You gotta eat breakfast.
Xander's gonna be here any second.
She's gonna be late for school again.
- How are you doing? - I'm OK.
Not "ready to head back to classes, face the world" OK, but the shakiness is only semi now.
I thought I'd spend the day fishing the Net for more poop on the stolen diamond.
I called you before.
Didn't hear you.
Hey, Dawnie, I'm making you a nice omelette.
Not hungry.
Dawn, you need to eat something.
Thanks for your concern.
OK, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but why is she taking it out on you? Because I let it happen.
- Buffy, I was the one who - Who was drowning.
My best friend.
I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice.
Morning.
What are you doing? And here? Just took a stroll.
Found myself in your neck of the woods.
Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll? Well, the fact is my lighter's gone missing.
Thought I might've dropped it here.
Haven't seen it.
I'm gonna head back to my room, get dressed.
Oh, l - Lame.
- What? You.
Making up excuses.
Oh, don't flatter yourself, love.
Bloody fond of that lighter.
Stop trying to see me.
And stop calling me that.
So, um what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? My little Goldilocks? You know, I love this hair.
The way it bounces around when Uh-uh-uh! This flapjack's not ready to be flipped.
What the hell is that supposed to? Stop that.
Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike! Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already.
Never gonna happen! Only a complete loser would hook up with you.
Unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a nut sack like Drusilla Hey! You really need to get Dawn off to school.
Let's go fetch her, OK? You can let yourself out, right, Spike? - Dawn! Xander's here! - I'm here.
You have everything? And after school, you - Yeah, yeah.
Let's go, Xander.
- You will come straight home? Sure.
Maybe we can find some time for you to get me into another car accident.
- Oh, good morning.
You must be Dawn.
- May I help you? I'm Doris Kroger, from Social Services.
We had an appointment? - Oh, for Wednesday.
- This is Wednesday.
Right.
Well, Dawn, you better - And, Xander, you'll drive safely? - Yes, ma'am.
Little bit on the tardy side, isn't she? Yeah, well, it's been one of those mornings, you know? Hey, come on in.
Sorry about the mess.
We're doing a little house-clean.
So, we gonna chat this out, or what? Now's really not a good time.
I have company.
No worries.
I'll wait.
Um, Ms Summers, if you and your boyfriend would like He's not Not my boyfriend.
He's just a Spike, this nice woman is from Social Services.
Oh, right.
Hey, Buffy's a great mom.
She takes good care of her little sis.
Like, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
- I'm sorry, did you say - Crib.
Crib.
He said crib.
You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.
Spike, didn't you have to go now, you know, because of that thing? Thing, yeah.
My blanket.
He sleeps here? What? No! No.
Oh, the blanket That's it's a security thing.
He has issues.
Nope, just me and Dawn living here.
Buffy, I'm not feeling hot, so I'm gonna take a quick nap, OK? OK, Will! That's Willow.
She kinda lives here too, actually.
Oh, so you live with another woman? Oh Oh, it's not a gay thing, you know.
Well, she's gay, but we don't gay.
Not that there's anything wrong with You know, I know what that looks like, but I swear it's not what it looks like.
It's magic weed.
It's not mine.
I think I've seen enough.
No, actually, I really don't think that you have.
It's just it's been kind of a bad time.
It's been a bad time now for a while, hasn't it, Ms Summers? Your sister's grades have fallen sharply in the last year, due in large part to her frequent absences and lateness.
- But there are good reasons.
- Oh, I'm sure there are.
But my interest is in Dawn's welfare and the stability of her home life - something I'm just not convinced that an unemployed young woman can provide.
I can.
I do.
Well, we'll just have to see about that then, won't we? Oh, and I'm going to recommend immediate probation in my report.
What does that mean? It means that I'll be monitoring you very closely, Ms Summers.
And if I don't see that things are improving, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your guardianship.
You can't do that.
I do what is in Dawn's best interest as should you.
Have a nice day.
Didn't go well, huh? Why won't you go? - I just thought you'd want - Get out of here! Just getting what I came for, love.
So long, Goldilocks.
Well, I think I can work with this.
What exactly would you like me to do? Just make me different.
- What if we get caught? - No way.
We'll be invisible.
- Plus their security's gotten lax.
- You should know.
You've cased it enough.
OK, this is it.
Remember we're professionals.
- Uh, Slayer! - What? Where? There.
Headed this way.
- Give it! - I need to be invisible! I need it more! Buffy can't see me! - Watch it! Don't touch the Oopsie.
What happened to Buffy? She's gone.
She's right here.
Table four.
I put her with your family.
Great.
Except we don't hate Buffy.
Let's put her back at table one.
- Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn? - We're not inviting D'Hoffryn.
I have to, he's my ex-boss.
You're inviting your work buddies.
- She's got a point.
- Hey, Buffy Where where are you? At table four, apparently.
Well, that remains to be seen.
Like you.
Don't strain yourself looking, Xander.
I'm Invisible Girl.
- Uh, Xander? - Sorry! Her clothes are invisible too.
Buffy, how did this hap Wait a sec.
Have you been feeling ignored lately? Yeah, ignored - I wish.
No, this isn't a Marcie deal.
I left Main Street after getting my hair cut - You cut your hair? - Oh, yeah! Really? How short? About up to here.
If you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders.
Sounds adorable! I was thinking of getting my hair cut Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? This is serious.
I know.
It kinda fits the day I've had.
Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the social services lady put me through a wringer.
Says she's gonna "watch" me.
Like to see her try now.
You know, there may be an upside to no-see me.
Buff, did you see anyone or anything suspicious before you cleared up? Nope, didn't see nothin'.
See what I did there, with the eyeballs? Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, an invisible slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety.
I'm less with the why and more with the how.
We get the how, then we got how to make her unseen sight seen again, right? 'S all right! Buffy, could you focus, please? I am.
Just this is kinda fun.
Well, it would help if we had a little bit more to go on.
Or anything to go on.
Well, I could go check the spot where Buffy disappeared, snoop for clues.
Yeah, right.
Hey, you know what? I'm just gonna go for a walk.
- A walk? - Yeah.
Clear my head.
You guys keep working on the whats and hows.
- Clear my head! - Buffy! Well, seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her.
A spell from who? You said it yourself, it makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible.
- Maybe it's a mistake.
- A magical mistake.
Who'd be messing with that kind of pow - Willow.
- Xander.
- How's it goin'? - Um good.
I found out some stuff about the diamond stolen from the museum.
It's called the Illuminata.
There's rumours it has quasi-mystical quantum properties.
Willow, we need to talk.
We are.
Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny.
Is there something you wanna tell me? It was nothing.
I I didn't slip.
Will, nobody's mad.
Relapse is a part of recovery, we understand that.
We just have to figure a way to fix it.
- Fix what? - Fix Buffy.
- Buffy's broken? - Will, you know what I'm talkin' You don't know.
Rhymes with blinvisible? What? Buffy was leaving the haircutting place when she - Buffy got her hair cut? - Yeah! Adorable, apparently.
I personally couldn't tell, since she's all blinvisible.
And you think I have something to do with this? No.
Not Will, your spells have caused weird stuff to happen to each of us at one time or another.
- And let's not forget the recent forgetting.
- Oh.
I see.
So now when anything nasty happens, I get conveniently blamed for it? No one's blaming.
So I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jump off the wagon completely, since you already think I'm making pit stops.
Well, look, if you say you didn't do it - Willow, where you going? - For a walk.
Couple of circuits are burned out and the wiring's all fried.
But we had so many plans.
Naked women, and all well, all the naked women.
- It's your fault.
If you hadn't grabbed it - We got bigger problems, bonehead.
The Slayer's invisible now? He's right.
She could be anywhere.
Even here, right now.
Watching, listening to every word we say.
For all we know, she could be one of us.
- Oh - No, wait, no, guys, that isn't true.
I wouldn't sweat the Slayer too much.
Says you.
In my book, an invisible slayer means a whole world of trouble.
I am the ghost of fashion victims past.
Studded caps? Not a good idea.
Hey! I'm doing you a favour! Nah.
Too easy.
Hmm So long, copper! Hey! Hey! That's mine! Stop! Hello, Mrs Kroger.
What? Where's my Losing my mind.
OK, who's the Kill.
Kill.
Kill.
What? - I didn't say anything.
- Not you.
The mug! It's But l I heard something.
Kill, Doris.
Kill everybody.
- You know you want to.
- Shut up, shut up! Just shut up! OK No No Yahtzee! Doris.
I've got a few, so if you wanna discuss that case file now What? Oh.
Oh, yes, the Summers file.
It's right over here.
It's a 15-year-old girl, living under her sister's guardianship.
The house is a complete What is this? "All work and no play make Doris a dull girl"? - What? - "All work and no play make Doris" The pages are filled with it.
I I I I didn't do this.
I - It was the voice.
- Excuse me? There was a voice before.
It made my coffee dance.
- It told me to - To what? Nothing.
Doris take the rest of the day off.
- See your doctor.
- What about my cases? We'll put someone else on them.
- And have them redo the Summers interview.
I'm not crazy.
I am not crazy.
Hey, Will.
Whatcha doin'? I figured out this was where Buffy disappeared from what you told me, so don't start jumpin' to any conclusions.
No jumpin'.
Look, feet firmly planted.
I'm not feeling like myself right now.
Sorry.
Me too.
Sorry.
So, what have we found out so far? Take a look at that! Something sped outta here pretty damn quick to make that kind of tread mark.
- This could have been made any time.
- Yeah, but this wasn't.
What is it? - Paint that I scraped off the fire hydrant.
- What fire hydrant? - Ow! That one.
Whatever hit this hydrant hit it after it was made invisible.
Betcha by golly wow that something was the same something that shot out of that alley.
Black paint? Buffy's phantom van.
We need to let Buffy Whoa! There's something there.
It's a pylon - one of those orange traffic cones.
You should take it to the Magic Box.
It might help you and Anya figure out what spell was used.
- What about you? - I got paint scrapings and the tyre mark.
I'm gonna find this van that's been stalking Buffy.
By the way, where is Buffy? Oh, my God, the blood! Look at all the blood! Whatever beastie you are, I know you're here.
And I hurt beasties.
Hey, watch it.
A ghost, is it? Go and haunt the living, like a good spook.
- Buffy? - I told you stop trying to see me.
- Oh, I got it! - Really? We'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table and move your Uncle Rory to a table five near the bar.
An, honey, we're looking for invisibility spells here.
Well, obviously I haven't found anything yet.
At least, nothing that would explain why things near Buffy become invisible.
Ew! - Xander - What happened? An unpleasant tactile experience, like putting my hand in pudding.
Ew! Like pudding, am I right? Rice or tapioca - lumpy like that.
We have to find Buffy.
She's gotta know.
I don't think Buffy will be broken up over a pylon.
Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her.
If we don't find Buffy I mean, if we don't figure out how this was done She's pudding? What do you mean, she'll fade away? The Slayer got slammed with a big-ass dose of radiation.
Her cells are mutating.
Eventually her molecular make-up will lose its integrity and then - But wouldn't that kill her? - Let me think Yeah.
Wait a minute.
We're not killing anybody.
Especially not Buffy.
You guys are so immature.
We're villains! When will you get that into your thick skulls? - We're not killers, we're crime lords! - Yeah.
Like Lex Luthor.
He tries to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman.
Because it's Superman's book, you moron! But Lex doesn't kill him, does he? Listen, Warren, you get that ray working and the first thing we're gonna do is find Buffy and re-visible her before it's too late.
You got me? Fine.
Whatever you guys say.
Spike? Spike? What are you doing? What am l What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't l? Exercising.
Naked.
In bed.
A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go.
You gotta keep fit for the killing.
Uh-huh.
Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs.
Mini disaster area.
You come here to criticise my housekeeping? - No, no.
I'm looking for Buffy.
- Haven't seen her.
Well, you wouldn't.
She's come down with a slight case of invisibility.
Yeah? How did? We don't know yet.
Anyway, she's not at the house, and I really, really need to find her.
Tell you what, I'll take a peek around first chance I get and if we bump into each other, I'll clue her that you're on the lookout.
After your exercises.
Yeah, right.
You know, kidding aside, Spike you really should get a girlfriend.
That was bloody stupid.
What's the matter? Ashamed to be seen with me? Come on.
He had no idea I was here.
This is perfect.
Perfect for you.
Well, picture me confused.
I thought this is what you wanted.
What I want This vanishing act's right liberating for you, innit? Go anywhere you want.
Do anything you want.
- Or anyone.
- What are you talking about? The only reason you're here is that you're not here.
Of course.
As usual, there's something wrong with Buffy.
She came back all wrong.
You know, I didn't ask for this to happen to me.
Not too put off by it though, are you? No! Maybe cos for the first time since I'm free.
Free of rules and reports - Free of this life.
- Free of life.
Got another name for that - dead.
Why do you always have to I thought we were having fun.
Yeah now.
But sooner or later your chums will work out a way to bring you back to living colour.
You need to go.
Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off.
If I can't have all of you, I'd rather That's cheating.
I don't believe this.
He threw me out? He threw me.
Did l, like, fall into some backward dimension here? Is this Bizarro World? And after he's always going on and on about being the only one that understands me.
"We're alike, you and me.
Birds of a bloody feather.
" Oh! He's so Hey, I'm walking here! Insensitive.
That's what he is.
Willow? Willow? Dawn? Hey, Dawn, come here.
You wanna see somethin' neat? - There you are! - Buffy? Where are you? I'm invisible.
Check this out.
Whoo, whoo! Unidentified flying pizza, comin' in for a landing.
- What are you talking - OK, not the most clever ad lib.
- But, come on, points for spontaneity! - Stop it! Just stop.
Sorry, Dawn.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
What did you think would happen? You're invisible, Buffy.
I know.
Xander and Anya are on it.
Muldering out what happened.
What about you? Shouldn't you be working on it? - Of course l - Do you even care who did this to you? Or if you're gonna be stuck this way? You're making jokes and flying pizzas.
- I don't think that's - I can't talk to you like this.
I can't see you! - How can I talk to you if I can't see you? - Dawn! Dawn! Buffy, it's Xander.
Where are you? We got a new problem here.
- Tell her! - I'm trying.
We think whatever made you invisible is killing you.
- Tell her about the pudding! - Anya! Buff, if we don't if this isn't reversed, you're gonna well, dissolve, or fade into nothing.
Wow.
Now! Hey! Let go of me! Congratulations.
You're our first hostage.
Dawn, I'm going out to find Xander.
If he calls Xander? Just listen, Slayer.
You don't have a lot of time.
Who is this? You sound familiar.
I'm nobody.
No one you know.
We've got your friend Willow, and if you don't want anything nasty to happen to her, you'd better meet us.
Alone.
Where? Hey! Stay still and you won't get hurt.
- You OK, Will? - Buffy? - Where are the bad guys? - All round you, Slayer, so don't try anything.
He's bluffing, Buffy.
There's just three of them, I think.
More than enough to cause serious carnage, right, guys? - Guys? Guys! - Kick! Use the kick! I tried.
He blocks it with his drunken-monkey fist! Ooh, scary video carnage.
- Hey! Slayer's here.
- Sorry.
Didn't see her.
Let's continue in a less crowded area.
Like over there.
- Where? - Over Follow me.
Ow! I'm gonna guess, you're the ones that did this to me? - It was an accident! - Who's that? - Nobody you know.
- They're the ones from your mystery van.
Oh.
You.
So what annoying thing are you gonna do to me now? - Save your life.
Make you visible.
- I'm meant to believe that? They told me everything, Buffy.
Something's happening, you're - Fading away.
I know.
- I can fix that.
- Pick up that air-hockey mallet.
- What for? It'll give me a target to aim at.
Now hold still and all your troubles will soon be gone.
- You're on the wrong setting.
- What? The gun - it's not set for reversing the particle ionisation.
It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution! - Mind your own business.
- What's she saying? Buffy, he's trying to kill you! Willow! Ow! - OK, playtime's over.
- You haven't won yet, Slayer.
No.
That comes after I beat the snot out of you.
You'll have to find me first.
There's three of us, against just one of you.
- You lied to us.
- Fight her yourself.
- I go down, we all go down! - I promise, you're all going down.
We may not have your powers, Slayer, but you'll find we are not so easy to Ow! Get her! Wait a minute! Who's biting my leg? - Sorry! Where is she? - Here.
She can't find us if we split up.
- You go that way.
- Which way? - That way! Over Just keep talking, boys.
Ow! Watch the chest hair! I know that voice.
You're Jonathan? You have chest hair? Warren? - Who are you? - Andrew.
I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? - During the school play? - He's Tucker's brother.
- Yeah, he's Tucker's brother.
- Oh.
So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? We're your arch-nemesisesses.
You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time um next time Maybe not! - It's locked? You were supposed to check it! - I forgot.
I give you my arch-nemesisesses.
What's goin' on in here? I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted! Oh, my God, Buffy! I know.
They're gone.
I guess we should chase them.
No, your hair! It is adorable.
Pretty neat, you finding the van.
So, how did you manage to do it exactly? I mean, to locate it? The hard way.
The spell-free way.
The "oh, my God, my head's gonna fall off, my feet are killing me" way.
I don't know how I got through this day.
Well, the important thing is that you did.
It's a good first step.
How are you doing, post-invisibleness? OK.
I still have to do some damage control from my giddy-fest.
Dawn was pretty freaked out.
The whole "taking a vacation from me" thing didn't work out too well.
Tell me about it.
Except when I got Xander's message - you know, that I was fading away - I actually got scared.
Well, yeah.
Who wouldn't? Me.
I wouldn't.
Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it.
But I realise I'm not saying that I'm doing back flips about my life, but I didn't I don't wanna die.
That's something, right? It's something.
So I guess we both made good first steps.
I guess.
- Yay for us.
- Yay.
The only thing different is that I'm disgusted with myself.
Is this the way to the movies? What is this place? I'll just be a minute.
Willow and Dawn have been missing for hours.
- Do you know how long I've been here? - Let's get outta here.
Dawnie, I'm sorry! - You could have killed her! - I need help.
No more spells.
I'm finished.
- Got it.
- It's beautiful.
Phase one of the plan is now complete.
Candles? We can't have candles? Dawn, it's a magic clearance.
Everything must go.
But they're just candles.
Well, to you and me they're just candles, but to witches they're like bongs.
So, no candles, no charms, no - Bird.
- No bird? The peacock on the table.
It has two crystals in it.
Tara, she she left them.
I'll make sure she gets them.
Dawn, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there? Kokopelli? No! I love him.
And he was Mom's.
Why do we have to get rid of so many things I like? Dawn, I explained this to you.
Willow has a problem.
The next few weeks are gonna be crazy hard on her as it is.
Any reminder of what it is that she's trying to stay away from could cause her to give in to temptation.
And that would be bad.
OK, that's it.
It's finally done.
I mean, it still needs a trial run, but it's - Kinda clunky-lookin'.
- What? I pictured something cooler.
More ILM, less Ed Wood.
You wanna see cool? I'll show you cool.
Mama! Did it? Is it? Yeah.
- I'd call that a successful test.
- Well, that's just half the test.
Hey Hey! - You penis! - Oh, cheer up, Frodo.
Because, thanks to my brains and our mystical gem, we got an invisibility ray.
And I'd say that makes us pretty much unstoppable.
Dawn, come on.
You gotta eat breakfast.
Xander's gonna be here any second.
She's gonna be late for school again.
- How are you doing? - I'm OK.
Not "ready to head back to classes, face the world" OK, but the shakiness is only semi now.
I thought I'd spend the day fishing the Net for more poop on the stolen diamond.
I called you before.
Didn't hear you.
Hey, Dawnie, I'm making you a nice omelette.
Not hungry.
Dawn, you need to eat something.
Thanks for your concern.
OK, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but why is she taking it out on you? Because I let it happen.
- Buffy, I was the one who - Who was drowning.
My best friend.
I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice.
Morning.
What are you doing? And here? Just took a stroll.
Found myself in your neck of the woods.
Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll? Well, the fact is my lighter's gone missing.
Thought I might've dropped it here.
Haven't seen it.
I'm gonna head back to my room, get dressed.
Oh, l - Lame.
- What? You.
Making up excuses.
Oh, don't flatter yourself, love.
Bloody fond of that lighter.
Stop trying to see me.
And stop calling me that.
So, um what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? My little Goldilocks? You know, I love this hair.
The way it bounces around when Uh-uh-uh! This flapjack's not ready to be flipped.
What the hell is that supposed to? Stop that.
Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike! Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already.
Never gonna happen! Only a complete loser would hook up with you.
Unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a nut sack like Drusilla Hey! You really need to get Dawn off to school.
Let's go fetch her, OK? You can let yourself out, right, Spike? - Dawn! Xander's here! - I'm here.
You have everything? And after school, you - Yeah, yeah.
Let's go, Xander.
- You will come straight home? Sure.
Maybe we can find some time for you to get me into another car accident.
- Oh, good morning.
You must be Dawn.
- May I help you? I'm Doris Kroger, from Social Services.
We had an appointment? - Oh, for Wednesday.
- This is Wednesday.
Right.
Well, Dawn, you better - And, Xander, you'll drive safely? - Yes, ma'am.
Little bit on the tardy side, isn't she? Yeah, well, it's been one of those mornings, you know? Hey, come on in.
Sorry about the mess.
We're doing a little house-clean.
So, we gonna chat this out, or what? Now's really not a good time.
I have company.
No worries.
I'll wait.
Um, Ms Summers, if you and your boyfriend would like He's not Not my boyfriend.
He's just a Spike, this nice woman is from Social Services.
Oh, right.
Hey, Buffy's a great mom.
She takes good care of her little sis.
Like, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
- I'm sorry, did you say - Crib.
Crib.
He said crib.
You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.
Spike, didn't you have to go now, you know, because of that thing? Thing, yeah.
My blanket.
He sleeps here? What? No! No.
Oh, the blanket That's it's a security thing.
He has issues.
Nope, just me and Dawn living here.
Buffy, I'm not feeling hot, so I'm gonna take a quick nap, OK? OK, Will! That's Willow.
She kinda lives here too, actually.
Oh, so you live with another woman? Oh Oh, it's not a gay thing, you know.
Well, she's gay, but we don't gay.
Not that there's anything wrong with You know, I know what that looks like, but I swear it's not what it looks like.
It's magic weed.
It's not mine.
I think I've seen enough.
No, actually, I really don't think that you have.
It's just it's been kind of a bad time.
It's been a bad time now for a while, hasn't it, Ms Summers? Your sister's grades have fallen sharply in the last year, due in large part to her frequent absences and lateness.
- But there are good reasons.
- Oh, I'm sure there are.
But my interest is in Dawn's welfare and the stability of her home life - something I'm just not convinced that an unemployed young woman can provide.
I can.
I do.
Well, we'll just have to see about that then, won't we? Oh, and I'm going to recommend immediate probation in my report.
What does that mean? It means that I'll be monitoring you very closely, Ms Summers.
And if I don't see that things are improving, I'll be forced to recommend that you be stripped of your guardianship.
You can't do that.
I do what is in Dawn's best interest as should you.
Have a nice day.
Didn't go well, huh? Why won't you go? - I just thought you'd want - Get out of here! Just getting what I came for, love.
So long, Goldilocks.
Well, I think I can work with this.
What exactly would you like me to do? Just make me different.
- What if we get caught? - No way.
We'll be invisible.
- Plus their security's gotten lax.
- You should know.
You've cased it enough.
OK, this is it.
Remember we're professionals.
- Uh, Slayer! - What? Where? There.
Headed this way.
- Give it! - I need to be invisible! I need it more! Buffy can't see me! - Watch it! Don't touch the Oopsie.
What happened to Buffy? She's gone.
She's right here.
Table four.
I put her with your family.
Great.
Except we don't hate Buffy.
Let's put her back at table one.
- Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn? - We're not inviting D'Hoffryn.
I have to, he's my ex-boss.
You're inviting your work buddies.
- She's got a point.
- Hey, Buffy Where where are you? At table four, apparently.
Well, that remains to be seen.
Like you.
Don't strain yourself looking, Xander.
I'm Invisible Girl.
- Uh, Xander? - Sorry! Her clothes are invisible too.
Buffy, how did this hap Wait a sec.
Have you been feeling ignored lately? Yeah, ignored - I wish.
No, this isn't a Marcie deal.
I left Main Street after getting my hair cut - You cut your hair? - Oh, yeah! Really? How short? About up to here.
If you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders.
Sounds adorable! I was thinking of getting my hair cut Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? This is serious.
I know.
It kinda fits the day I've had.
Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the social services lady put me through a wringer.
Says she's gonna "watch" me.
Like to see her try now.
You know, there may be an upside to no-see me.
Buff, did you see anyone or anything suspicious before you cleared up? Nope, didn't see nothin'.
See what I did there, with the eyeballs? Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, an invisible slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety.
I'm less with the why and more with the how.
We get the how, then we got how to make her unseen sight seen again, right? 'S all right! Buffy, could you focus, please? I am.
Just this is kinda fun.
Well, it would help if we had a little bit more to go on.
Or anything to go on.
Well, I could go check the spot where Buffy disappeared, snoop for clues.
Yeah, right.
Hey, you know what? I'm just gonna go for a walk.
- A walk? - Yeah.
Clear my head.
You guys keep working on the whats and hows.
- Clear my head! - Buffy! Well, seems pretty obvious it's some kind of spell that's done this to her.
A spell from who? You said it yourself, it makes no sense for one of her enemies to make her invisible.
- Maybe it's a mistake.
- A magical mistake.
Who'd be messing with that kind of pow - Willow.
- Xander.
- How's it goin'? - Um good.
I found out some stuff about the diamond stolen from the museum.
It's called the Illuminata.
There's rumours it has quasi-mystical quantum properties.
Willow, we need to talk.
We are.
Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny.
Is there something you wanna tell me? It was nothing.
I I didn't slip.
Will, nobody's mad.
Relapse is a part of recovery, we understand that.
We just have to figure a way to fix it.
- Fix what? - Fix Buffy.
- Buffy's broken? - Will, you know what I'm talkin' You don't know.
Rhymes with blinvisible? What? Buffy was leaving the haircutting place when she - Buffy got her hair cut? - Yeah! Adorable, apparently.
I personally couldn't tell, since she's all blinvisible.
And you think I have something to do with this? No.
Not Will, your spells have caused weird stuff to happen to each of us at one time or another.
- And let's not forget the recent forgetting.
- Oh.
I see.
So now when anything nasty happens, I get conveniently blamed for it? No one's blaming.
So I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jump off the wagon completely, since you already think I'm making pit stops.
Well, look, if you say you didn't do it - Willow, where you going? - For a walk.
Couple of circuits are burned out and the wiring's all fried.
But we had so many plans.
Naked women, and all well, all the naked women.
- It's your fault.
If you hadn't grabbed it - We got bigger problems, bonehead.
The Slayer's invisible now? He's right.
She could be anywhere.
Even here, right now.
Watching, listening to every word we say.
For all we know, she could be one of us.
- Oh - No, wait, no, guys, that isn't true.
I wouldn't sweat the Slayer too much.
Says you.
In my book, an invisible slayer means a whole world of trouble.
I am the ghost of fashion victims past.
Studded caps? Not a good idea.
Hey! I'm doing you a favour! Nah.
Too easy.
Hmm So long, copper! Hey! Hey! That's mine! Stop! Hello, Mrs Kroger.
What? Where's my Losing my mind.
OK, who's the Kill.
Kill.
Kill.
What? - I didn't say anything.
- Not you.
The mug! It's But l I heard something.
Kill, Doris.
Kill everybody.
- You know you want to.
- Shut up, shut up! Just shut up! OK No No Yahtzee! Doris.
I've got a few, so if you wanna discuss that case file now What? Oh.
Oh, yes, the Summers file.
It's right over here.
It's a 15-year-old girl, living under her sister's guardianship.
The house is a complete What is this? "All work and no play make Doris a dull girl"? - What? - "All work and no play make Doris" The pages are filled with it.
I I I I didn't do this.
I - It was the voice.
- Excuse me? There was a voice before.
It made my coffee dance.
- It told me to - To what? Nothing.
Doris take the rest of the day off.
- See your doctor.
- What about my cases? We'll put someone else on them.
- And have them redo the Summers interview.
I'm not crazy.
I am not crazy.
Hey, Will.
Whatcha doin'? I figured out this was where Buffy disappeared from what you told me, so don't start jumpin' to any conclusions.
No jumpin'.
Look, feet firmly planted.
I'm not feeling like myself right now.
Sorry.
Me too.
Sorry.
So, what have we found out so far? Take a look at that! Something sped outta here pretty damn quick to make that kind of tread mark.
- This could have been made any time.
- Yeah, but this wasn't.
What is it? - Paint that I scraped off the fire hydrant.
- What fire hydrant? - Ow! That one.
Whatever hit this hydrant hit it after it was made invisible.
Betcha by golly wow that something was the same something that shot out of that alley.
Black paint? Buffy's phantom van.
We need to let Buffy Whoa! There's something there.
It's a pylon - one of those orange traffic cones.
You should take it to the Magic Box.
It might help you and Anya figure out what spell was used.
- What about you? - I got paint scrapings and the tyre mark.
I'm gonna find this van that's been stalking Buffy.
By the way, where is Buffy? Oh, my God, the blood! Look at all the blood! Whatever beastie you are, I know you're here.
And I hurt beasties.
Hey, watch it.
A ghost, is it? Go and haunt the living, like a good spook.
- Buffy? - I told you stop trying to see me.
- Oh, I got it! - Really? We'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table and move your Uncle Rory to a table five near the bar.
An, honey, we're looking for invisibility spells here.
Well, obviously I haven't found anything yet.
At least, nothing that would explain why things near Buffy become invisible.
Ew! - Xander - What happened? An unpleasant tactile experience, like putting my hand in pudding.
Ew! Like pudding, am I right? Rice or tapioca - lumpy like that.
We have to find Buffy.
She's gotta know.
I don't think Buffy will be broken up over a pylon.
Anya, whatever's happening to the pylon will probably happen to her.
If we don't find Buffy I mean, if we don't figure out how this was done She's pudding? What do you mean, she'll fade away? The Slayer got slammed with a big-ass dose of radiation.
Her cells are mutating.
Eventually her molecular make-up will lose its integrity and then - But wouldn't that kill her? - Let me think Yeah.
Wait a minute.
We're not killing anybody.
Especially not Buffy.
You guys are so immature.
We're villains! When will you get that into your thick skulls? - We're not killers, we're crime lords! - Yeah.
Like Lex Luthor.
He tries to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman.
Because it's Superman's book, you moron! But Lex doesn't kill him, does he? Listen, Warren, you get that ray working and the first thing we're gonna do is find Buffy and re-visible her before it's too late.
You got me? Fine.
Whatever you guys say.
Spike? Spike? What are you doing? What am l What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't l? Exercising.
Naked.
In bed.
A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go.
You gotta keep fit for the killing.
Uh-huh.
Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs.
Mini disaster area.
You come here to criticise my housekeeping? - No, no.
I'm looking for Buffy.
- Haven't seen her.
Well, you wouldn't.
She's come down with a slight case of invisibility.
Yeah? How did? We don't know yet.
Anyway, she's not at the house, and I really, really need to find her.
Tell you what, I'll take a peek around first chance I get and if we bump into each other, I'll clue her that you're on the lookout.
After your exercises.
Yeah, right.
You know, kidding aside, Spike you really should get a girlfriend.
That was bloody stupid.
What's the matter? Ashamed to be seen with me? Come on.
He had no idea I was here.
This is perfect.
Perfect for you.
Well, picture me confused.
I thought this is what you wanted.
What I want This vanishing act's right liberating for you, innit? Go anywhere you want.
Do anything you want.
- Or anyone.
- What are you talking about? The only reason you're here is that you're not here.
Of course.
As usual, there's something wrong with Buffy.
She came back all wrong.
You know, I didn't ask for this to happen to me.
Not too put off by it though, are you? No! Maybe cos for the first time since I'm free.
Free of rules and reports - Free of this life.
- Free of life.
Got another name for that - dead.
Why do you always have to I thought we were having fun.
Yeah now.
But sooner or later your chums will work out a way to bring you back to living colour.
You need to go.
Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off.
If I can't have all of you, I'd rather That's cheating.
I don't believe this.
He threw me out? He threw me.
Did l, like, fall into some backward dimension here? Is this Bizarro World? And after he's always going on and on about being the only one that understands me.
"We're alike, you and me.
Birds of a bloody feather.
" Oh! He's so Hey, I'm walking here! Insensitive.
That's what he is.
Willow? Willow? Dawn? Hey, Dawn, come here.
You wanna see somethin' neat? - There you are! - Buffy? Where are you? I'm invisible.
Check this out.
Whoo, whoo! Unidentified flying pizza, comin' in for a landing.
- What are you talking - OK, not the most clever ad lib.
- But, come on, points for spontaneity! - Stop it! Just stop.
Sorry, Dawn.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
What did you think would happen? You're invisible, Buffy.
I know.
Xander and Anya are on it.
Muldering out what happened.
What about you? Shouldn't you be working on it? - Of course l - Do you even care who did this to you? Or if you're gonna be stuck this way? You're making jokes and flying pizzas.
- I don't think that's - I can't talk to you like this.
I can't see you! - How can I talk to you if I can't see you? - Dawn! Dawn! Buffy, it's Xander.
Where are you? We got a new problem here.
- Tell her! - I'm trying.
We think whatever made you invisible is killing you.
- Tell her about the pudding! - Anya! Buff, if we don't if this isn't reversed, you're gonna well, dissolve, or fade into nothing.
Wow.
Now! Hey! Let go of me! Congratulations.
You're our first hostage.
Dawn, I'm going out to find Xander.
If he calls Xander? Just listen, Slayer.
You don't have a lot of time.
Who is this? You sound familiar.
I'm nobody.
No one you know.
We've got your friend Willow, and if you don't want anything nasty to happen to her, you'd better meet us.
Alone.
Where? Hey! Stay still and you won't get hurt.
- You OK, Will? - Buffy? - Where are the bad guys? - All round you, Slayer, so don't try anything.
He's bluffing, Buffy.
There's just three of them, I think.
More than enough to cause serious carnage, right, guys? - Guys? Guys! - Kick! Use the kick! I tried.
He blocks it with his drunken-monkey fist! Ooh, scary video carnage.
- Hey! Slayer's here.
- Sorry.
Didn't see her.
Let's continue in a less crowded area.
Like over there.
- Where? - Over Follow me.
Ow! I'm gonna guess, you're the ones that did this to me? - It was an accident! - Who's that? - Nobody you know.
- They're the ones from your mystery van.
Oh.
You.
So what annoying thing are you gonna do to me now? - Save your life.
Make you visible.
- I'm meant to believe that? They told me everything, Buffy.
Something's happening, you're - Fading away.
I know.
- I can fix that.
- Pick up that air-hockey mallet.
- What for? It'll give me a target to aim at.
Now hold still and all your troubles will soon be gone.
- You're on the wrong setting.
- What? The gun - it's not set for reversing the particle ionisation.
It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution! - Mind your own business.
- What's she saying? Buffy, he's trying to kill you! Willow! Ow! - OK, playtime's over.
- You haven't won yet, Slayer.
No.
That comes after I beat the snot out of you.
You'll have to find me first.
There's three of us, against just one of you.
- You lied to us.
- Fight her yourself.
- I go down, we all go down! - I promise, you're all going down.
We may not have your powers, Slayer, but you'll find we are not so easy to Ow! Get her! Wait a minute! Who's biting my leg? - Sorry! Where is she? - Here.
She can't find us if we split up.
- You go that way.
- Which way? - That way! Over Just keep talking, boys.
Ow! Watch the chest hair! I know that voice.
You're Jonathan? You have chest hair? Warren? - Who are you? - Andrew.
I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? - During the school play? - He's Tucker's brother.
- Yeah, he's Tucker's brother.
- Oh.
So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? We're your arch-nemesisesses.
You may have beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time um next time Maybe not! - It's locked? You were supposed to check it! - I forgot.
I give you my arch-nemesisesses.
What's goin' on in here? I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted! Oh, my God, Buffy! I know.
They're gone.
I guess we should chase them.
No, your hair! It is adorable.
Pretty neat, you finding the van.
So, how did you manage to do it exactly? I mean, to locate it? The hard way.
The spell-free way.
The "oh, my God, my head's gonna fall off, my feet are killing me" way.
I don't know how I got through this day.
Well, the important thing is that you did.
It's a good first step.
How are you doing, post-invisibleness? OK.
I still have to do some damage control from my giddy-fest.
Dawn was pretty freaked out.
The whole "taking a vacation from me" thing didn't work out too well.
Tell me about it.
Except when I got Xander's message - you know, that I was fading away - I actually got scared.
Well, yeah.
Who wouldn't? Me.
I wouldn't.
Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it.
But I realise I'm not saying that I'm doing back flips about my life, but I didn't I don't wanna die.
That's something, right? It's something.
So I guess we both made good first steps.
I guess.
- Yay for us.
- Yay.