Comic Book Men s06e11 Episode Script

1 [upbeat music.]
Have you guys ever fantasized about, you know, when a superhero goes down, and you're the only one that can step in and fill the void while he's recuperating? I want to step into, like, Batman's shoes.
Then you need a Robin.
Who's your Robin? - Oh, yeah.
- [laughing.]
I think he'd be a good Robin, though.
He runs and stuff.
- Don't you do yoga? - Yeah.
Yeah.
You know he looks good in tights.
Oh, he's flexible too, yeah.
[laughter.]
You imagine me and him running around as Batman and Robin.
It's like, it's like, Gotham City's screwed, man.
Show me the trigger.
Well, as long as you're assembling your team, now who's Mike? - Mike would be Alfred.
- [laughter.]
I look good in a tux.
What can I say? Right? Mike could serve us tea.
- He could go get us our lunch.
- Oh! Tell me you wouldn't love to be able now - to boss Mike around as Alfred.
- Oh, yeah.
My shoes are a li Look a little dirty here.
- Polish my shoes, Alfred.
- Yeah.
Polish my Batpole while you're at it.
[laughter.]
I have the Batpole, though.
So Ming would have to watch.
[laughter.]
[heroic music.]
[laughs.]
[upbeat music.]
Hello, and welcome to another episode of "Comic Book Men," the only show where Deadpool, Deadshot, and Deadman like to live it up.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
So, I hear Jason Mewes rolled up on the store.
It's true, yeah, he was there at the Stash the other day.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
I was wondering if I could take a peek At that, uh, Deadshot statue in the back, please? Absolutely Ming, would you go grab that statue? - Yeah, no problem.
- Hey, I'll gar I'll grab that.
I got it.
Oh.
[laughing.]
- Big Deadshot fan? - Big Deadshot fan.
Loved him in, uh, "Suicide Squad.
" I thought Will Smith killed it, at least.
I love his armor, I love how he utilizes, uh, modern technology.
[humming.]
[shouting gibberish.]
This is the DC Direct DC Icons Deadshot statue.
Booya.
[rock music.]
You two are the biggest Deadshot fans that I know.
Yeah.
Where do you rank him in If you were to make a listing of villains, where would you rank him? - Number one.
- Number one? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
How do you like that, son? Oh, I like it a lot.
- Ooh! - Yeah! [laughing.]
You trump me in terms of being the biggest fan.
- [laughs.]
- All right.
- Look how limber.
- He's got a tattoo.
- [laughter.]
- I know, old and non-limber.
- Come on, man.
- Wow.
That's Deadshot.
Hands down, a bigger fan than I am.
- Hear that, man? - There you go.
Thanks, bro.
Any room you walk into, you're the biggest Deadshot fan.
- Yes! - Oh, my Lord.
He was the only person, I think, who when they announced the "Suicide Squad" movie, rolled a single tear [laughter.]
Knowing his hero would finally be up on the big screen.
He's always loved this character.
I think it's because we introduced him - to the character, right? - Number one, there's a sentimental, nostalgic attachment because Walter was like, "Here's Deadshot.
" "What's he do?" "Fires guns.
" "I love him, Walt.
" - [laughter.]
- Like But also, he has a presence.
He looks good.
And I think that's what Jason was attracted to.
Deadshot, interestingly enough, was Jason Mewes' nickname for years when they couldn't have a baby, him and his wife.
[laughter.]
Finally had one, we can't call him "Deadshot" anymore.
[laughter.]
What is it about Deadshot that you gravitate towards? Even though he's fighting Batman and you would think he's a bad guy, he's not a bad guy.
He's like Deadpool in a sense.
He's an anti-hero.
I he's better than Deadpool.
That's everyone's own opinions.
Deadpool's a fool with a mouth and stuff.
- No, I'm just kidding.
- He's a motor mouth, yeah.
No, Deadpool's cool, Deadpool's cool, but I do like Deadshot much better.
Well, he's one of those characters that was so much more than just a guy who had guns on his wrists.
Like, Deadshot has had Batman in his sights many times, and he's always missed, and for a guy who is the expert marksman, how is it that he's always missing Batman when he has him right in the crosshairs? How's he miss him continuously? Why do you think that was? Probably didn't want to kill him would have been You're right, he would intentionally pull the shots because deep down, he was so messed up inside that he wanted to be beaten within an inch of his life by Batman he was just a psychological mess.
Really.
How was his childhood? [laughter.]
His backstory involves his kid being murdered at one point.
You know, like, not a, like, a fun comic book story.
He stuck around the Suicide Squad.
He'd he would fulfill missions and be like, "Well, I'll hang out and go on another one" - because he wanted to die - Yeah.
You know, he was looking for a way to go out without, you know, putting a bullet in his own head, - he was just okay with - Utterly resigned to it.
He bought into the "Suicide" part of the Suicide Squad.
[laughter.]
You would really get insight into him in the, uh, "Suicide Squad" run where he would have - the sessions with his therapist.
- Yes.
- [laughter.]
- Where you're like, "Should I be reading this? I'm I'm 19.
This is disturbing.
" All right, so you're here for the statue, correct? Yes, sir, it's a great statue, and I'm definitely interested.
All right.
So I'd like to know how much you're asking - It's $100.
- It's $100.
[exhales.]
That's a little steep there.
Um, can we do $65 since we share a common interest? I couldn't so $65.
Um I could do $90.
Knock 10 bucks off.
- I think that's fair.
- [sighs.]
How about $75? The best I can do firm $80.
Can't go any lower than that.
- Do you guys have the box? - Absolutely.
- We got a deal.
- All right.
- $80.
- Look at that.
- Four - Look at all those extra 20's.
[laughter.]
And he's complaining about a couple of bucks, man.
Come on, bro! Thank you.
- Thank you guys.
Have a great day.
- You too.
- See you later, bro.
- See you later.
- Looking to move something today.
- Oh, yeah.
A "Star Wars" Death Star Space Station.
- Here she is.
- Oh, yay.
You're a "Rick and Morty" fan, huh? - Yeah.
- Wubalubadubdub.
[upbeat music.]
I consider you guys the funniest guys I know.
Do you like having, uh, yuks in your superhero books, or do you are you a guy who's like, - "I need it grim and gritty.
" - I don't need it, but I - I like it more grit and gritty.
- [laughter.]
'Cause that's why I don't really read Deadpool that much.
Does it go over your head, or do you get all the jokes? Are you smart enough to understand it? [laughs.]
I mean, what is What's with this guy? He's like, "You're the funniest guys", but do you get it?" - [laughter.]
- Not the smartest.
[laughter.]
- Whoa, hey.
- What's up? Hey, guys, how are you? Looking to, uh, move something today.
A "Star Wars" Death Star Space Station.
- Oh, yeah.
- What a nice piece, huh? 1978? - Yeah, 1978.
- [whistles.]
Look at this.
I love this.
How awesome is the two kids playing, like, look at the box, like, - the kid's like - [laughter.]
And do you remember, like, the commercial, like, for the different toys, he'd be like flying in the backyard, they'd be like [imitating space ships.]
And then he'd be like, "The Millennium Falcon - and Death Star is under attack.
" - Know the commercial.
I remember playing Remember me and you would get in the backyard, and my eyes would be crossed like that, - too, while we were playing? - Yeah, we'd be like this.
"Here comes the Millennium Falcon, Walt.
" [laughter.]
The "Star Wars" toys is probably the first line of action figures that were forced down our throat on television, they showed you two kids, and they were doing lines of dialogue from the movie that weren't really lines of dialogue.
That's what always bugged me.
They showed Yoda, and he goes, "I should know, I've been a Jedi Master for 800 years.
" At home, I'd be like, "They never said that in the movie!" They're lying!" - Big "Star Wars" fan? - Huge "Star Wars" fan.
Stuff like this and comic books is what really got me into art.
- I'm actually a tattooist.
- Really.
You know, when other artists have inspirations like, um, "Starry Night" and stuff like that, my inspiration was, uh, Superman, Batman, "Star Wars.
" Fact that you mentioned "Starry Night" means you're a little bit influenced.
- Stop trying to be cool.
- [laughter.]
Let's set it up, man! - All the pieces are still here.
- Yup.
- Oh, nice.
- All right.
Boom! There it is right here.
I've seen this one other time at, like, a show.
Hardly ever does anyone still have the Styrofoam.
Yeah, that's a big deal, that the trash that was inside the actual trash compactor - Yeah.
- Was just foam.
I didn't realize that, so then, how much - Yeah.
- Of this foam trash got sucked up by vacuum cleaners - across America in the '70s? - [laughter.]
Probably all of it except for this bag.
[laughter.]
- Recognize him? - Oh, yeah.
That would be a sewer monster, right? Yeah, anyone who didn't have this toy wouldn't even know what the monster looked like.
So it was never seen on screen? Well just this Just this part was, remember? Just just the head, right? Remember, he stuck his head out, and it turned around? - Yeah, that I remember but - But this, like, if you were to go - underneath the sewage - That's what That's what you'd be looking at.
This is something that I really wanted, but I never had.
Like, I used to go to my friend's house and play this.
Is that how you picked friends, like Oh, yeah, yeah.
[laughter.]
For Jay, "Star Wars," in youth, was a currency that he couldn't afford.
So if you had the Death Star, you were hoity-toity? That was only reserved for very wealthy kids.
- Somebody had it.
- Yeah, some people had it.
- [laughs.]
- You had a Death Star? He could act out the movie and have a score because he had a piano in the living room.
[laughs.]
- Oh, my God! - You filthy rich SOB.
I gave my butler the sheet music.
- I was like, "Play this.
" - [laughter.]
Do you have a favorite "Star Wars" toy? I really dig all the toys.
They're all my favorite.
Sorry.
They really were, they were all my favorite, but if I had to pick only one, I'm gonna say this one.
- This one? - No.
No.
- Go back.
- [laughter.]
I would say the Ewok play set.
- That sucked.
- That was amazing! [laughter.]
Getting back to this, though, I used to love You would take the little Luke figure, and you pulled him across swinging, because you're like, "Oh, no, the bridge left.
" This bridge, I will reenact forever.
Oh, I'm gonna hold you, we're gonna get a rope here, and we're gonna demonstrate how Luke swings across with Leia, right? Well, first you got to give him a kiss on the cheek, right? Which one of you guys is Luke and which one's Leia? We're gonna switch off and on and stuff.
So he can kiss me, I can kiss him.
You don't got to worry about it.
- You guys are brother and sister.
- Yeah.
One of the best subplots ever in movie history.
[laughing.]
The weird incestuous love affair.
Yeah, when they made out, and later on, you find out, I was just like, "Oh.
" [laughter.]
That was awesome.
So, why you selling it? Well, I'm looking to open up my on shop soon - Okay.
- And, uh, I wouldn't mind having some extra spending cash.
All right, so what are you looking to get for it today? Um, looking $150.
- $150, huh? - Is everything included? They had to include a rope, right? Probably a little rope for them to swing on? - Oh, there was! - There was.
- Look.
- Used to be a rope, yeah.
- Could you do $75? - Mm - $125? - [whistles.]
How about $80? - $90.
- Just just that extra 10 bucks.
- All right, you got it man.
- Yeah? All right.
Cool.
- 90 bucks.
- All right.
Nice.
- Can I buy it from you Walt for $100? - $90.
- Thanks, guys.
Thanks, bro.
- Take care.
- All right.
This is one of the few things, pop culture-wise, that I could point at and say, like, "I love this.
" Gentlemen, got a little something for you guys here.
Little something Italian.
Fragile.
You know how the, uh, Suicide Squad's always being sent on these no-win suicide missions? What would be your suicide mission? Oh, my suicide mission, um, you have to break in to the Secret Stash, and you have to steal Bry Johnson's underpants.
Wow, they've really run out of missions.
[laughter.]
I'll just commit suicide if that's my mission.
- Yeah.
- That's your You wouldn't do it, that's what I'm saying.
That's the tough mission it isn't threatening the Earth, - but who wants to do that? - I mean, like, at night, I don't even want to take my own underwear off.
- It's so gross.
- [laughter.]
You wear tighty whities, right? Yeah, "Tighty" is the operative word, so it's like, a good 15, 20 minutes to get 'em off.
[laughter.]
But every Suicide Squad mission, there's always somebody that's gonna die.
Who's not gonna make it out alive? Me.
Me.
Me.
I swear.
Please.
Oh.
[laughter.]
Why, you want to be known for dying while removing some dude's underwear? [laughter.]
It's all right, what we'll put a plaque here in the store - in your honor.
- "He died how he lived: taking off dudes' underwear.
" [laughter.]
[upbeat music.]
- Hi, how you doing? - I'm good.
How are you? - Excellent.
- I was wondering if I could see the "Rick and Morty" number 1 - comic on the wall? - I'll get that.
You're a "Rick and Morty" fan, huh? - Yeah.
- Excellent.
- Really big one.
- We got another huge "Rick and Morty" fan right here.
I don't think anyone's ever come up to the counter and said three words that matter as much.
- [laughs.]
- Or at all, really.
- Any words that matter to you.
- Yeah.
- Here she is.
- Oh, yay.
Wubalubadubdub.
- Can I take it out? - Absolutely.
This is one of the few things, pop culture-wise, that I could point at and say, like, "I love this.
" Yeah.
Like, more than "The Simpsons.
" More than "South Park.
" And you were a "Simpsons" junkie.
- And a regular junkie.
- [laughter.]
I got to admit: I've never seen it.
You would love it, actually.
It is kind of, like, the bizarro version of Doc Brown and Marty McFly.
- Rick is Morty's grandfather.
- Yeah.
- Okay? - He pulls him out of school, takes him on all sorts of adventures in this, uh, flying saucer.
The entire series is just dark joke after dark joke after, like, weird sci-fi adventure.
I just love how Rick creates all these different gadgets to get out of trouble that he's gotten himself into - in other dimensions.
- Yes.
They destroyed the Earth with a a plague, and then they went to another dimension where Rick and Morty actually kill themselves.
They bury their doppelgangers out in the backyard, - and take their place.
- You're right.
- It's, uh, it's very dark.
- Yeah.
How great would that be? Any time you mess up at home, - boom, alternate universe.
- I don't.
Just shoot the portal gun, and you're gone.
I very rarely mess up at home, though.
I wouldn't need to, uh, have an alternate universe.
I'd be, like, on six alternate universes per hour.
[laughter.]
It's so awesome.
I got to admit: it's odd seeing him - excited about something.
- Yeah.
- It's very unnatural.
- Usually the things Bryan fans out about is like, "Did you hear about the Burger Chef murders?" [laughter.]
Or stuff about serial killers, so it's nice to see him kind of get happy about a cartoon, even if the cartoon is one of the darkest cartoons ever made.
- Yeah.
- [laughter.]
I've heard nothing but accolades about this series, but does the comic capture the television show? The comic is a little more intense.
- Comic is more intense? - Yeah.
There's a lot more talk about Rick kind of selling Morty out for sex to try to get out of trouble for himself.
This sounds like some sort of, like, lunatic.
- He is.
- Who can't relate to that - growing up? - Yeah.
[laughter.]
Are either of you terrified that it'll become too big, too mainstream, and then, everywhere you look, there's "Rick and Morty" merch, and, like, five-year-old kids are pretending they're Rick and Morty.
- Is that a bad thing? - No, it's a horrible thing.
I like liking little cult things that no one else really knows about it, but when it spreads, you're like, "You know what, get this out of my face.
" No, no, no, no.
All right, so how much are you guys selling this for? We're looking for $45 for this.
Can you guys do $30? No, we can't do $30.
Um, what do you think? I mean, this is a first printing.
Four sharp corners, super glossy still.
If this was to be graded, it would definitely be in the 9 category.
And we know this book is going to just continue to rise in price 'cause of the popularity of the show.
I mean, this is just getting hotter and hotter every day.
Alright, you don't got to rub it in.
[laughter.]
How about $35? What do you think, Walt? $35? For the super fan? After after this way, everybody's gonna know if they just say they're super fans, then we fold like a tent.
- They'll do it.
- [laughter.]
- As he said, $35.
- Okay.
- Here you go.
- Bag it up for you.
Exact change.
Perfect.
- All right, thanks, guys.
Bye.
- Take care.
Any of you gentlemen know what this is? This is a piece of Americana.
You've seen it.
- Damn.
- You know it.
It is the leg lamp from "A Christmas Story.
" [rock music.]
[dramatic music.]
- Gentlemen.
- Whoa.
Hello.
How you doing? Doing good, how 'bout yourselves? Got a little something.
Got a little something for you guys here.
I'm not sure if you guys are in the market.
Little something Italian.
Fragile.
Any of you gentlemen know what this is? - It's a crate.
- Well, it is a crate.
It is.
It's very large crate.
God.
Just start setting this up.
- All right.
- No ideas, gentlemen? This is a piece of Americana.
- Ah.
- It's a it's not really I know what that is.
- Got a little peek? - [laughter.]
It is, in fact - You've seen it - Damn.
You know it.
It is the leg lamp.
From? - From "A Christmas Story.
" - Oh, my God.
It's beautiful.
- So where'd you guys get it? - We've actually bought this at the "Christmas Story" museum in Ohio, where the outside exterior shots were taken Right from it.
So it's actually come from the house.
Didn't some guy buy the house, restore it - to its original state? - Yes.
Yes.
We walked in, we bought it, it was one of the first off the line, i.
e.
him building them himself.
We know this is where it needs to be.
It is beautiful.
It is gorgeous.
This is our Christmas, man.
Every Christmas, they play this thing on TV.
- Every it's yeah.
- 24/7.
It's on a continuous loop.
I would argue that it's not only one of the greatest Christmas movies, but maybe one of the greatest all-time movies.
- Agreed.
- We used this on tour.
It went on tour with us for about a year, year and a half.
- You guys - We're a band.
We tour.
- You guys are a band.
Okay.
- Yeah.
Couldn't tell, right? - What kind of music? - Uh, bad.
[laughter.]
You ever heard of, uh, the Bloodhound Gang? - Or Insane Clown Posse? - Yes.
I used to be in the Bloodhound Gang.
- Okay.
- So the new band is called Wolfpac, we used this on tour.
It went on tour with us for about a year, year and a half.
On stage, on the DJ rig.
Right there.
We have things like disembodied parts.
We have, uh, dead girls dancing, so the leg lamp fits the whole motif.
If you really want to go for the theme, you should wear a pink bunny suit - and play guitar on stage.
- [laughs.]
I'd so be down for the bunny suit, man.
[laughter.]
They didn't bring the leg lamp out when they were performing to, like, do an homage to "Christmas Story.
" They just did it because it was appendage.
Like, they had a whole bunch of other body parts come out Oh, so like, "This is metal, it's a cut off leg.
" And you're like, "No, it's a Christmas classic.
" They're like, "It's a cut off leg.
" [laughter.]
- But oh, God, I love that movie.
- Did you see it orig - In its original theatrical run? - Yeah, I was a huge - You did? - Yeah, I was a massive fan of Jean Shepherd, the author of "In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash.
" That's the book that they pulled "Christmas Story" from.
Plus, it was made by the guy that made "Porky's.
" So I was in the bag for this flick.
[laughter.]
Why you guys looking to sell it today? - It's one of our props.
- We've got to get rid of it.
We've got to get some money up for the next tour.
- Can I plug it in? - Absolutely.
- Absolutely.
- Should be good.
It does give off a glow that makes you feel better.
You've injected Christmas into my heart.
Once it lights up, you're just there, man.
- All right, you - I'm in.
- You're in? Okay.
- I want it.
How much? We're looking at about $1,000.
That's what we'd like to do.
- Grand.
- A grand.
We were gonna come in at $1,2000.
We knew we were gonna get beat up at $1,200.
- [laughter.]
- Soon as we What do you think? - 500 bucks.
- Ooh.
We'd be taking a huge loss at $500.
Could you do $800? How about $600? Can you do $650? I I I can't quibble on 50 bucks.
- Merry Christmas.
- Done.
Merry Christmas.
Enjoy it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
Don't forget your, uh, your cart.
- Yes.
- Thank you, guys.
Enjoy.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
We almost got a free hand truck out of it, man.
Why'd you have to say something? It's it's it's beautiful.
Have you ever revealed your Your shoe fetish? It's not a shoe fetish.
I thought it was a shoe fetish.
- No.
- It's totally normal, and I don't see a psychiatrist for it.
- Yeah.
- [laughter.]
Just like Batman, this show is gonna pull its grappling gun and disappear into the night, man.
For "Comic Book Men," I'm Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming Chen.
Go get yourself some puddin', Mr.
Jay.
Good night.