Better Call Saul (2015) s06e12 Episode Script

1
Yeah.
Do you have
any idea what time it is?
Watched pot never boils, Francesca.
It's been an hour.
You've got a lobby full of people out here,
and at eight o'clock, I am done.
I don't care if the building burns down,
I'm going home.
Wow, you and your work ethic.
Did I ever tell you
how indispensable you are?
No?
How much longer, Saul?
You know what? I can't say.
So pass along my sincerest apologies
and tell 'em I'm swamped.
Everyone can hear you bouncing that thing.
That's the sound of thinking.
You should try it sometime.
Yeah?
What are you waiting for?
Send her in.
How's it coming?
Good.
Did you get the mayonnaise?
Well, here's the thing,
they didn't have Duke's,
and I really like Duke's.
But they didn't have it,
which is a bummer. So
I dunno.
Think this'll work?
I mean, technically, it isn't
actually mayonnaise, but
Yeah,
technically, I don't think
this is mayonnaise.
But close, right?
What do you think? Should we give it a shot?
I dunno. What do you think?
Yeah.
Let's give it a shot.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't know.
It's as close as I could get.
Cissy, garnet and gold!
I see it plain as day.
Plus, they're really beautiful, Cissy.
Ah, the red ones could
maybe pass for garnet.
But the "gold" ones are just regular yellow.
Well, the minute I saw them I said, "FSU!"
Besides, gold food coloring?
June, did you
ever even hear of that?
No! Sounds expensive.
And if they even make such a thing,
you'd probably get flipper-hands
from all the chemicals they'd put in it.
Well
This is as close as I could get, anyway.
- Oh, it's perfect, Cissy.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Ah, this is all so beautiful.
- Everything looks amazing.
- Looks delicious.
Oh, I forgot spoons. Sorry.
Well, let me tell you about epoxy
Epoxy yellows.
You hit it with enough sunlight
- No. Well
- He's right.
- Wait, no.
- No, he's right.
If you just use a dark enough floor
Guys, I'm telling you,
we're never gonna settle this.
I've been having this argument
five days a week,
but now I'm Sweden.
- Switzerland.
- You want something to drink?
- Wine coolers?
- Great. Cissy?
Marvin doesn't like me to drink.
Cissy, we're gonna get a
wine cooler down you one day.
That was fun.
Yeah. That was fun.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep!
Yep.
That's it right there.
Good job, guys.
"Peter the Great is buried inside me."
- "Find me in"
- What did she say?
We're gonna help each other.
Boy, you gotta be in shape
to be on this show.
You sure do.
Lots a running.
Yeah.
You think they ever ran
with the bulls on this show?
Like, in Spain?
Not that we've seen, I don't think.
Maybe it's too dangerous.
What do you think?
Maybe.
Maybe.
Oh, I thought the potato salad
worked out great.
- You think?
- Yep.
Huh.
Looks like rain again.
Yeah. Does.
Oh, hey, they opened a new Outback
down in Satellite Beach.
- You wanna go Friday?
- Sure.
It's a date.
Yes. Yes.
I don't want to not buy
her toys, but I also
Could you tell me the flange diameter
of 212-dash-17-backslash-H?
Great.
And does that come in a three-inch riser,
or just the two-inch?
Great.
ABS or PVC?
Oh. Great.
- Hi.
- Hi.
We're gonna sing at 5:00.
Oh. Great.
Let me see.
That's cute, June.
I'll pick up the cake after lunch.
Do you remember what kind
of ice cream Tammy likes?
Uh geez, no.
- Yeah. So maybe
- What do you think?
Vanilla?
Or strawberry?
Ooh.
Um
- They're both good.
- I know, right?
- Five o'clock.
- Okay, great.
No, nobody makes it that long.
Well, I mean, because
I mean, think about it.
It's got to fit in the truck, right?
So, how's it gonna fit in the truck if
Well, yeah, but nobody makes
a truck that long, so
Safe to say.
Okay. Well, sorry we couldn't be of service.
So whatever happened to crack?
How come you never hear
about it on the news anymore?
Did everybody just all decide
to stop taking it?
What's the drug that makes you dance around
and put a pacifier in your mouth?
- Ecstasy.
- Ecstasy!
That's the big one now.
I think that they have
Yeah. That's the big one.
My sister's best friend's son?
Oh, my God
But I don't understand the pacifier.
Why would they all need pacifiers?
Like, don't you think if you ran a store
and some teenager came in your store
and tried to buy a pacifier,
don't you think you'd call the police?
- Yeah.
- Pbht! I sure would.
- Absolutely.
- Whatcha eating?
Tuna salad.
I made it with Miracle Whip
instead of mayonnaise.
Hmm.
I use almond
butter instead of pean
Mm.
When I woke up this morning,
guess what was in my living room.
A freaking exercise bike.
Yeah. I can't believe
he got that for my birthday.
Hold on a second.
Palm Coast Sprinkler,
watering your world since 1978.
Please hold.
Yep?
Kim, there's a Viktor St.
Claire for you on line three.
Kim?
Uh, yep. Okay.
Yeah. So, what do you think about that?
That's pretty rude.
What brand is it?
I don't care who made it.
I don't care if it's Megatron 3000
or worth $4 million.
I'm gonna ride it
straight back to the store,
and guess what he's gonna get
for his next birthday.
Some hair regrowth serum,
and I'm gonna laugh at him.
Yeah.
Kim Wexler.
Hey, Kim.
You know who this is?
I'm gonna take that as a yes.
Uh, that receptionist of yours,
is she the type to listen in?
- No.
- Good.
Okay.
So, how's Florida been treating you?
I'm catching you between hurricanes, I hope.
Kim, you there?
What do you want?
I don't I don't want anything.
I just
It's been a while, you know?
Just I'm thinking it's been a while,
and, um, might be nice to catch up.
- "Catch up."
- Yeah.
My mind was wandering
this morning. I was just
Not thinking anything in
particular. Just random thoughts.
And, bam, it suddenly occurred
to me it's been six years.
I mean, Jesus.
I, I couldn't believe it.
I thought you might wanna know
I'm still alive.
Yep.
I'm still out here,
still getting away with it.
The feds couldn't find their own ass
with both hands and a proctologist.
You shouldn't be calling me.
Oh, hey! You're awake!
You shouldn't be calling.
Why not? What, am I tying up the line
for important irrigation business?
I mean, come on, Kim. Say something.
You can call me an asshole, yell at me.
Just let me know you've still got a pulse.
Just say something.
You want me to say something?
Yeah.
You should turn yourself in.
Do what?
You heard me.
I don't know what kind of life
you've been living,
but it can't be much.
Said the pot to the kettle!
What That is
That is really rich, you
You preaching to me?
See, you have no idea
what I did or didn't do, okay?
A-And why don't you turn yourself in,
seeing as how you're the one
with the guilty conscience, huh?
What What is stopping you?
Fring's in the ground.
Mike's in the ground. Lalo's in the ground.
Apparently.
You don't have to hold back on my account.
They can only hang me once.
So So go ahead.
Spill your guts! Put on your
hair shirt, see what it gets you!
Why
Kim, why are we even talking about this?
We're both too smart to throw
our lives away for no reason.
Just
I just I only wanted to
Kim.
Kim?
Kim.
I'm glad you're alive.
Yeah?
Time to sing!
Okay.
I can't leave before
the judge dismisses you.
I'll make sure they're aware.
Now, just remember to sit up straight
and listen carefully when
the judge addresses you.
Stay attentive and engaged.
Even if you're not so sure
what's going on, don't show it.
All right. Come here.
- Tuck your shirt in for me, will you?
- Okay.
You gotta look good for the judge.
Because of your record
Kim?
Hi, Cheryl.
I'm out front.
Howard was murdered?
Why?
He was
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Where's his body?
I don't know.
And the police?
Will they search again?
They'll search.
I don't think they'll find him.
Cheryl, he
It it all happened in an instant.
And he didn't he didn't suffer.
"He didn't suffer."
The lies you two made up.
The picture you painted.
That's all he is now.
That's all anybody remembers.
I want to change that.
What happens now?
Will you be tried?
Will you go to jail?
I don't know.
You're a lawyer, right?
You're a
A great one, Howard said!
How could you not know?
Bernalillo County has my affidavit.
It's up to the district
attorney whether to prosecute.
And she may not.
Why?
There's no physical evidence.
No remaining witnesses
other than my ex-husband,
assuming he's still alive.
I could sue you in civil court.
I could take everything you've got.
Yeah.
Why are you doing this?
Oh, God!
Passwords. Passwords
Hmm.
A hat man.
Holy shit.
Nothing to see here.
Move on.
Look at this bullshit.
Look.
Look. What would you call this?
I'd call that
I dunno, what?
Would you call that a fish taco?
Could anybody call this a
fish taco? I mean, legally?
Stop waving that thing at me.
Look at this!
There's one piece of goddamned pollock
no bigger than the end of my thumb.
Now, how can you even call that a
Like am I s'posed to do something?
What do you want me to do about it?
Well, I want you to look inside there
and tell me what you see.
Huh? W-Would you or would you not
sell this to an unsuspecting public?
Why do you persist in ordering fish
when we're 1,400 miles away
from the nearest ocean?
Because it's on the menu, all right?
Because I live in the 21st
goddamn century, all right?
Mm.
And this? This is some bullshit.
I'm telling you, I got half a
mind to go on back over there
and smack somebody in their face there.
Yes!
What do you think?
Pretty great, right?
Yeah, it's, um
Yep.
I just need your printed name and signature.
So, Florida.
Florida, Florida, Florida
Why there?
- I guess
- It doesn't matter.
Doesn't have to make sense.
Hey, I gotta tell you,
I think you're gonna regret
not taking your share
of the Sandpiper money.
That'd buy a shitload of swampland.
I will, um,
file these tomorrow.
All right. Well.
Have a nice life, Kim.
Hey, Sweet cheeks, who do we got next?
Let's make some money!
Emilio Koyama!
Where's your paperwork?
I don't do no paperwork.
He doesn't do paperwork!
Who cares? Come on, come on.
Hey, yo, could I bum one of those?
Thanks.
Mm.
What's up with this shit?
Rainy.
Yeah. No. It It's crazy.
It's like bananas, all this rain.
I mean, I thought we were,
like, in a desert, you know?
You're a lawyer, right?
Ah. I recognize you.
You defended my buddy Combo.
Christian Ortega.
Juvie court, stole a Baby Jesus.
I mean, not like a real baby, just a
You know, one of those things
outside of the church.
- Nativity scene.
- Yeah.
Knights of Columbus.
I mean, what the hell did
he even want that thing for?
Huh? I mean, I I still don't know.
Dumbass.
I told him he could go to Hell
for stealing something like that, I mean.
But did he listen to me? No.
But you, you got him off,
like, scot-free. That
That was pretty slick, yo.
Well, tell him I hope
he's keeping his nose clean.
Yeah, yeah, right on.
Absolutely.
Ah.
Hey, so, you having all this
expertise and all
This guy Goodman?
He the real deal?
Like, lawyer-wise?
Why do you ask?
I got a buddy in there
who's facing some serious time.
I mean, not
you know, not Baby Jesus-time,
but but serious.
You know, he needs top-shelf
legal representation.
And I tell him that, right?
But, you know, he sees this
dude's commercials on TV
and this is where he wants to go.
And I tell him, "Yo, Emilio,
you know, a funny TV commercial
is not a sound basis for, like, you know"
I mean, like, would you
go to doctor to do, like,
an operation on you in like a
On, like, your spleen or whatever
on the fact of a funny TV commercial?
No. I mean, come on.
How is this any different?
You know?
Anyway
Is this guy any good?
When I knew him, he was.
Hello?
Hey, uh, Dad?
It's me. It's It's Jeff.
Jeff? What time is it?
Are you okay?
Yeah, no, not really.
Um, I, uh
Dad, I got arrested.
Oh, no.
What for? Jeffie.
It's like this crazy mistake, you know?
I mean, I had an accident, okay?
A, a little fender-bender
type deal, no, no big thing.
My foot maybe slipped on the accelerator,
or maybe it was a defective I dunno.
But that's not the big-deal part.
The big-deal part is,
they think that I, me, committed a robbery.
And why would they think that?
I know, right?
The place where I had the accident?
This guy? This drunk guy?
He comes wandering out of his house
and flags down the cops,
the, the police, and says,
"Hey, you know, I got robbed!"
And sure enough, the police?
They find evidence of, like,
breaking and entering.
And, and, and stuff is missing,
which I did not do.
And, uh yeah. Like that.
Well, the police are obviously
barking up the wrong tree.
Yeah. No shit, wrong tree!
- Wrong, like, forest.
- Exactly.
Because you would never do
something like that, would you, son?
No. No. No way, man. Absolutely not.
Uh, when the police took you into custody,
did they find any of this
so-called stolen merchandise?
Was it in your possession?
- No.
- Of course it wasn't.
Because you didn't steal anything.
Therefore, since there's no evidence
whatsoever that you committed any crime,
I'd say you got nothing to worry about.
So, what happens next?
Breathe deep and sit tight.
I'll have you out by lunchtime.
You coming down here yourself?
Nah, I think it'll be your mom.
You'll talk to her for me?
I sure will.
I'll straighten it all out, no problem.
Yeah, okay. Good.
Jeff, you're gonna get the best
legal defense in the whole wide world.
Trust your old man on that.
Okay, copy that. Sit tight.
You do that.
Keep your shirt on.
Hello?
Gene.
Gene, Honey, do you know what time it is?
Oh. Oh, God. That boy.
He's gonna put me in my grave.
Marion.
It's a mistake, is all.
Getting picked up
for something you didn't do?
That could happen to anybody.
Yeah, right, anyone.
This isn't the first time, you know.
He's been in trouble before.
Oh, Jesus.
- Marion
- The death of me.
He's gonna be the death of me.
Marion. Marion, it's gonna be all right.
We'll get him outta there lickety-split.
I've been through this before.
There's nothing lickety-split about it.
Back when he was living in Albuquerque?
Drunk in public, resisting arrest,
urinating in [SPLUTTERS]
someplace he shouldn't have.
And me on the telephone
for hours, long distance,
trying to find him one of those
bail-out places.
I maxed out my Discover card.
I'm still paying for that one.
Well, money's not gonna be a problem,
'cause I'm gonna help you with that.
No. Gene, I can't let you do that. No.
Sure you can. Jeff'll pay me back.
And you don't have to worry
about a bondsman, either.
Because guess what?
In Omaha, they don't have 'em.
All right? You just walk into the station
and you pay a straight cash bail.
It's not like Albuquerque at all.
Marion, you still there?
Yeah. Why
Why did
Jeff call you instead of me?
Well, I think he was scared
at how you'd take it.
Honestly, I was gonna pay the bail myself,
but I think it should be a family member.
I think that'd be best.
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna
take a shower, get dressed.
And you do the same.
I'll swing by and pick you up.
We'll get this whole thing squared away.
Wh-what about Buddy? Is he in any trouble?
I don't think so.
Why would he be?
I'll see you in about an hour.
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Thanks.
Oh, no, oh ♪
The tide I ♪
Do to me ♪
I'm not the kinda girl ♪
I'm not the kinda girl who gives up
Just like that ♪
Oh, no, oh ♪
The tide is high ♪
But I'm holding on ♪
I'm gonna be your num ♪
I'm not the kinda girl who gives up ♪
Marion!
Just like that ♪
Oh, no ♪
Marion!
Marion?
Marion?
- Oh!
- Hey.
Hi.
Oh, hey.
Everything okay?
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
I I just lost track of the time.
That's okay.
Uh, you wanna put some clothes on
so that we can get moving?
What do you say?
Uh, you know, well, I, I
I don't wanna slow things down.
I think maybe you ought a go without me.
partying, minding my own business.
You are under arrest.
I better call Saul!
Hi. I'm Saul Goodman.
Did you know that you have rights?
The Constitution says you do, and so do I.
I believe that, until proven guilty,
every man, woman, and child
in this country is innocent.
And that's why I fight
for you, Albuquerque!
Better Call Saul.
What's that?
You tell me.
Marion, do you think that's me?
'Cause it's not.
There never was a Nippy, was there?
What did Jeff tell you?
Oh, he didn't tell me anything.
Ask Jeeves told me.
I typed in "con man" and "Albuquerque,"
and up you popped, big as day.
What are you doing, Marion?
What do you think I'm doing?
I'm calling the police.
Here, lemme help you with that.
Listen, I think we're losing sight
of the bigger picture here, okay?
Jeff is in trouble, and I wanna help him.
He and I sure could use your support here.
What did you get my son into?
Nothing that he didn't ask for.
Now, listen,
I'm still the good friend
you thought I was, okay?
Jeff understands me, Buddy understands me.
And you will, too.
It's just, you have to, uh,
you know, keep things
on an even keel, all right?
- What have you got there?
- Uh
- Put that down.
- Huh
Put that down, Marion.
Put it down.
Do not do it, Marion.
Final warning.
I trusted you.
Marion?
This is Valerie with Life Alert.
Are you okay?
No, Valerie, I'm not okay.
There's a criminal standing
in my kitchen, threatening me!
He's a wanted man,
and his name is Saul Goodman!
All right, Marion, I'm calling the police.
I'm calling right now.