Buffy the Vampire Slayer s06e12 Episode Script

- Previously: - You never had it so good as me.
If you tell anyone about last night, I will kill you.
So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? We're your arch nemesises ses.
You might've beaten us this time, Slayer, but next time Maybe not! - Amy? How've you been? - Rat.
You? - Dead.
- Oh.
It's nice having another magically inclined friend around.
It's too early to go home yet.
What d'you wanna do? - I have a better idea.
- Is it dangerous? Let's get outta here.
Dawnie, I'm sorry.
I'm so - You could've killed her.
- I need help.
No more spells.
I'm finished.
There's some money stuff we have to talk to you about.
You're telling me I'm broke? - How bad is it? - Anya says pretty bad.
Buffy, some discussion about what you're gonna do now.
I've been giving that a lot of thought, actually, and I think I've figured it out.
I get Warren being the super-villainy type, but I thought Jonathan learned that lesson.
I've never heard of this other guy.
You should have seen their headquarters.
It was like the nerd natural habitat.
If we know where they are, let's do something.
We tried.
Buffy was gonna go in and bust'em on the spot.
- I'm sensing a "not so completely".
- She went in and Speaking of Buffy, isn't she ready? She'll be late for her first day.
Hey, respect the narrative flow much? Please continue the story of failure.
So Buffy went in, but they'd cleared out.
And then she brought back the stuff that they left: some spell books, some parchments, a couple of rare things - charmed objects and a conjurer's harp.
And they had other stuff.
Razor scooters, pictures of the Vulcan woman on Enterprise.
Ooh! I mean nerds.
OK.
See, this is why demons are better than people.
Interesting turn.
When I was a vengeance demon I caused pain and mayhem, certainly.
But I put in a full day's work doing it and I got compensated appropriately.
Welcome to today's episode of Go, Money! Go! I hear it daily.
Yep, for the rest of your life.
But super villains want reward without labour to make things come easy.
It's wrong.
Without labour there can be no payment, and vice versa.
The country cannot progress.
The workers are the tools that shape America.
Good to know.
I was kind of feeling like a tool.
And now I know why.
You've seen us in your city or small town, ordered delicious food from our happy employees.
But now you're seeing it all in a new way from behind the counter.
You've just become part of the Double Meat experience! I'm part of it.
- I'm part of it.
- I'm a part of it, too.
This cow and chicken don't know it yet, but they're destined to become part of it as well.
So what happens when a cow and a chicken get together? That's a Double Meat Medley! Let's take a look now at the process of harvesting these two special meats.
Holy crap! .
.
washing your hands after each visit to the rest room.
Follow these rules and you'll be a happy part of the Double Meat family for a long time! - Interesting, isn't it? - Oh, yes! Like how the cow and the chicken come together even though they've never met.
It's like Sleepless in Seattle if Meg and Tom were, like, minced.
I'm Manny the manager.
It's not a joke.
It's just my name.
Right.
You mentioned that a couple of times when I filled out the application.
Why do you want to work here, Buffy? You seem like a sharp woman and there are a lot of other jobs.
I kinda need money pretty quickly, like, today, so I didn't want a lengthy interview process.
And I figured this was probably the fastest way to Because l wanted to be part of the Double Meat experience? Hm.
Come on, let's take a tour.
Phillip, Timothy, this is Buffy.
She's gonna work the counter.
Hi.
What happened to the other one? Katherine? - Emily? - Yeah.
She's gone.
What happened? Whatever always happens.
- You can use this one.
- There's someone's stuff in there.
They must have left it.
You can toss it or keep what you want.
- Sure they're not coming back? - We have a lot of turnover here.
- Watch these two.
- Are they gonna do something? They're solid.
Follow their example and you won't go wrong.
- They're lifers.
- Lifers? In it for life, like me.
You wanna get something out of this, you'll do the same.
You put the work in, and 10 years from now you'll be where I am, I promise you.
Congratulations.
You're on the clock.
This is the kitchen - the beating heart of the Double Meat Palace.
Wow.
- They're all so identical.
- Yeah.
They all start to look the same to me, too.
Oh, no, not the employees.
The chicken slices.
Yeah.
Medley Meal number two - double-size it.
Drive-through's over there.
High-pressure job.
You won't need to go in there.
Over there's the grill, the fryers, the walk-in freezer.
You don't need to go in there either.
That's the dehydrated-pickle storage.
Those are locked.
Now I wanna show you this.
Look.
The Double Meat Medley.
Oh, I know the Medley.
It's just the video was kind of graphic with the slaughter.
A classic double-decker with a twist - a pure beefy patty above the mid-bun and a slice of processed chicken product below the mid-bun.
Plus pickles and the secret ingredient.
- Eat it.
- Oh, you know, I had a big breakfast.
I'll just wait for Oh But it smells so good.
Mm.
So what is the secret ingredient? It's a meat process.
Now I think it's time to start earning your money, don't you, Buffy? Mm-hm.
What's the deal with Manny the manager? And can I write a children's book called that? - Fill this while I get the fries.
- Fill this? I didn't know there was gonna be drug testing on this job.
You're funny.
You better stop that.
- Why? - Productivity.
One of Manny's watchwords.
"Levity is the time thief that picks the pocket of a company.
" I prefer "Manny's a humourless dolt who picks the pocket of he-should-bite-me.
" You really need to be quiet with that.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
I'd like a small coffee and cherry pie.
That's $1.
92, ma'am.
You hit so many buttons, it was like button-palooza.
No, it's easy.
Look.
There are little pictures of the food on the buttons.
I hit the coffee button, then I hit the small button and then cherry pie.
- There's a picture of a little fried pie.
- Uh-huh.
Then I hit the total button, put the money in the drawer, close it and it resets the system.
A cocker spaniel could do it.
Why don't you take the next one, the family? They're regulars.
- Hi.
I'm new.
- I come here every day.
- That's nice.
- Oh, you really might make it, dear.
Not like some of them, where suddenly you never see them again.
- I can see you here for a long time.
- That's great.
Thank you.
Hi.
Welcome to the Double Meat Palace.
May I help you? Two number four Medley Meals, a Junior Medley, a Fisherman's Medley and a Kid's Meal.
Plus three fries, a chocolaty shake and extra pickles on one of the Medleys.
Excuse me.
This button - does it look chocolaty to you? You don't need to be in there.
Sorry.
I was just curious.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Theory number five: cat burgers.
Hey, Buffy! We're supporting your subsistence-level work.
Bravo.
Thank you.
This is cool of you guys.
So, Buff, how's it going? I don't know.
I've waitressed before, but this is different.
- When have you waitressed? - That summer in LA.
It was a diner and we had, you know, lots of people who didn't tip, and funny, funny health-code violations but it wasn't like it is here.
I think there's something wrong here.
- Will, are you OK? - Sorry, l Yeah.
Something's wrong? There's this manager, right.
He's all scary and mysterious, you know.
And there's the secret ingredient.
And the people that work here, they're kind of strange, you know.
They just stare into space, plus they disappear.
- Disappear "poof"? - No, not "poof".
Well, I don't think so.
It's fast food.
I have swum these murky waters, my friend.
There's the assorted creepiness, staring, the enthusiastic not-showing-up-at-all.
You're seeing demons where there's just life.
I didn't say demons.
It's just a vibe.
You guys still haven't seen this manager.
Well, isn't that him over there getting the pickles wet? - With the saddle shoes? - And glasses? Maybe it's just the video that creeped me out, with the cow and chicken all swirly together.
Mm, make me hungry, why don't you? How's about one of those delicious Medley Meals? OK, you got it.
On me.
Hey, thanks! She'll be fine once she settles into the routine.
And by ordering, I'm helping.
- Getting a free meal? - Well, yeah.
If you like the food here, maybe we should get it for the reception.
- You're serving burgers? Cool! - Well, time is running very short.
After Willow gave us the engagement party, I figured she'd help, but now that's all been blown to hell.
Hey, standing right here.
Standing right exactly here.
Sorry.
Didn't mean to tempt you.
Everyone's so delicate.
Anyway, I still have to select the bridesmaids' dresses.
Then there are the guests from the demon realm.
You wouldn't believe how many have yet to let us know.
- There you go, and I double-sized it for ya.
- Oh, thank you! And cut way back on the cat.
- Cat?! - Just kidding.
Probably.
Slow night.
Gina.
Since it's slow, you think they'll mind if I take another break? We're not allowed.
Downtime robs us all.
Hm, thus quoth Manny.
There's no one here.
Sure there is.
Look.
This'll make my day complete.
- What? - What's in the Double Meat nuggets? I'm working.
Go away.
Yeah, and you chose to be in the consumer service profession, and I'm a consumer.
- Service me.
- Order something or go.
Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust.
Damn fluorescent lights make me look dead.
Some demons love'em.
The way they vibrate makes the skin twitch.
That the kinda demon you are, love? I'm not a demon.
I don't know why you can hit me, but I'm not a demon.
Oh.
I see.
That why you took this job? Prove something to yourself? A normal job for a normal girl? Good way to drive yourself crazy, that is.
I'll be fine.
Buffy.
You're not happy here.
Please don't make this harder.
You don't belong here.
You're something You're better than this.
- I need the money.
- I can get money.
Walk with me now, come on.
I I need to go help Gary with the fries.
You gotta get outta here.
This place'll do stuff to you.
This place'll kill you! Someone there? Oh, hi.
What are you doing? What what? Argh! Feels like I just left, you know? You came back.
I came back.
- Gary's gone.
- Gary? - The guy that helped me out yesterday? - He didn't show up this morning.
Well, shift's just starting.
He was supposed to unlock early this morning.
Didn't show.
Pull his card.
Well, I'm sure, you know, he's just late.
He didn't seem like he was leaving.
I'm moving Timothy to counter.
You're on grill.
- Me? - I've been watching you.
But I don't know how to grill.
Just think, this is the last day you'll ever be able to say that.
You put the beef on the grill, hit the button, then it beeps.
You flip the beef, hit the other button, then it beeps.
You put it on the bun There's not a button for that.
Repeat until insane.
It eliminates variation.
Every burger at every Double Meat Palace is the same.
People don't like variation.
- Got it.
Variety is the spice of bad.
- Mm.
So what's the secret ingredient? It's a meat process.
- Well, what does that mean? - It's a process.
They do it to the meat.
- But what is it? - It's just the name of the process.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I guess we're gonna get kinda greasy, huh? Hm.
Skin, hair, eyelashes, nostrils.
Inside your ears.
You wanna look inside my ears? No.
No, that's OK.
Once I noticed I couldn't hear and went to the doctor.
He said it was grease that made a plug.
- Oh.
- Mm.
I got me a kit.
A kit for cleaning my ears.
It's got this little bulb mechanism.
Imagine that.
Buffy? Yay! It's Manny! - You're working a double shift.
- What? Another eight hours right after these eight hours? But that's so many hours.
You get paid for it.
Plus an extra free Double Meat Medley.
What happened? Why the double shiftiness? Gary didn't show.
And now one of my grinder guys is late too.
But they could still show up, right? I mean, they could be anywhere.
Your meat's here.
Yeah, OK.
Bye.
An, that was Buffy.
She's working late, so I might have to go I have been called and vengeance shall I wreak.
Cower, masculine one.
Tremble as you face my wrath.
I'm starting to think we should do a potluck thing.
Honey.
Hello.
I am here to tear this man apart.
How many pieces do you wish? - Halfrek! - Anyanka?! Oh, my God! Hey! How are you? How are you? You two, you know each other? I didn't summon you to kill Xander.
I called to invite you to our wedding.
Oh, my What an embarrassing mistake! Oh, my God! Gorgeous! Wow.
You two clearly have some catching up to do, so I'll I'll not be in the apartment.
It's swell to see you again.
I didn't mean to have you materialise all the way here.
- Not until the ceremony, I mean.
- I guess I got the message garbled.
You know how it is.
Half the time I have no idea if I'm maiming the right guy.
So, um you're marrying that man with the large upper arms? - Yes.
- Why? - Well, because I love him.
- Hm.
- We're gonna be very happy together.
- Hm.
What? It's boiling with nothing in it.
Sometimes it does that.
They say bugs fall in there.
Oh, I'm back.
You can go on your break now.
- Come in.
It's me.
Dawn said I could come up.
So, is she pissed at you too or just at me? What did you tell her about me? D'you want something? Um Yeah, actually.
I mean, I don't know if you wanted to keep it or You want it? Really? Well, yeah, you know.
I mean, it's not much, but it's home.
Or it was.
- I don't know.
I guess it's stupid, but - No, it's not stupid.
You can have it, of course.
Hey.
So I hear you got this whole cold turkey thing going on.
- How's that going? - It's good.
It's really good.
I mean, it was hard at first.
Frustrating doing everything the slow way.
It was like "Is everything gonna take for ever, for ever?" Yeah.
But it's better now.
I'm getting my focus back.
Mm.
I can see that.
It's a pivotal page.
So this is it, huh? This is gonna be your life from now on? What? No.
Well, you're never gonna do it again.
Ever.
You're never gonna feel how it made you feel.
Don't think that's the way to look at it.
Hey, Will.
It's your birthday.
No, it isn't.
But now that you mention it, Buffy's is coming Potestas.
What? Amy It's a gift.
It's magic.
And it didn't come from you.
It came from me.
Completely legal.
Enjoy.
- Look what I found under the meat grinder! - Oh, my God.
- Wanna tell me what's going on? - I'm not sure.
Try again! Well, there was an accident, maybe, six weeks ago.
A grinder incident.
Right, but this isn't six weeks old.
This is new.
It is? Oh, well, maybe Gary did come in this morning or late last night.
Maybe there was an accident and he got himself to the hospital.
Right.
Maybe he's in the hospital.
Or maybe he's in the grinder! Huh? Huh? Meat process? Secret ingredient? Maybe Gary's on the grill! Or maybe he's under the pickle chips! Buffy.
Buffy! Stop! Stop! Everybody, you have to stop! Stop eating.
No, you can't eat it! It's not beef.
It's people! The Double Meat Medley is people! The meat layer is definitely people! It's people! Probably not the chickeny part.
But who knows? Who knows? What about the cherry pie? What are you doing? I thought you were part of the team! You are fired.
Tell me more about Xander.
You keep asking about him.
Do you think I'm making a mistake? - Do you? - No! Xander, he He's very kind and brave.
And he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and he loves me.
Sometimes it isn't easy, but he does.
Who told you that it isn't easy to love you? Well, I'll do something or say something and then he has to say stuff like "It's incorrect for you to appreciate money so much" or "Observe: here is how a real human would behave.
" Oh, so he corrects you? Well, no, it's just Well, now I'm all confused.
You think there's something wrong with the way he treats me? Do you? OK, you have to stop doing that.
I love Xander.
Even though he thinks he knows better? - But he doesn't.
He doesn't think that.
- OK.
I'm sorry.
I was just curious.
You don't have to say another thing about it if you're not comfortable.
But I am! I mean, it's not like I'm hiding any deficiencies or anything.
Hm.
I have absolutely no threes.
Go fish.
I call an emergency meeting, and this is it? Where's Willow? Anya? I couldn't find Willow.
I knocked and knocked on her door.
Anya's entertaining a vengeance demon named Hallie.
Say, Buff, did you ever see Anya as a demon? Cos if that's it, whoa.
There's something wrong at the Double Meat Palace.
Really wrong.
Have you been demon-fighting? Is that why you smell funny? No! I'm talking about Oh.
That's great.
That's just great.
I try to get an ordinary job in a well-lit place and, look, I'm right back where I started.
Blood and death and funky smells.
Look.
Look what I found near the grinder.
Ew.
- Whose is that? - I don't know.
It might be this guy named Gary, the only one who didn't seem all brain-dead.
He didn't show up this morning.
Except now I think he was there as the secret ingredient.
We need to analyse that burger.
We need to find out if it used to be people.
What?! - People? - Xander, you ate the burger?! First you say it's cat, then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah.
Five minutes later "And by the way it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh"! I needed that burger to analyse it.
Now I'm gonna have to get another one.
That's your problem with this scenario? You getting seconds? Late! Late.
Sorry.
I was reading for school.
Well, highlighting anyway.
Anyway, late.
Yeah, you just missed the Gary burger.
What are we doing? Let's jump right in.
Did Xander say something about food? You wouldn't want any.
Apparently, the Double Meat Medley is people.
Whoa.
Bad.
I bet it's not even just this one time.
Or even this one town.
There are Double Meat Palaces all over California.
- I've eaten there a lot.
- Everyone has.
They've got the perfect deal - everyone expects high turnover of workers.
They get the meat for nothing and they have us disposing of the bodies.
How sick is that? We need to bring down the whole corporation.
Will, Xander ate the burger.
Is there any way for sure to figure out what it was? Yeah, I can start analysing it with science.
Not I can use science.
You ate it? We have the wrapper.
There's little scribbles of meat on the wrapper.
You work on that.
It's after closing, so I'm gonna go see what I can find out.
Cool.
You go.
We'll be good.
Are you OK? I'm just worried about Buffy.
She could be walking into anything.
Manny? Oh.
Manny? Guess you really were a lifer.
Don't need magic.
Don't need it.
Don't need it.
My friend Janice - her sister's a lawyer.
You think I should sue over the burger? That's interesting.
No, I just mean Buffy's never gonna be a lawyer or a doctor, anything big.
She's a Slayer.
She saves the whole world.
That's way bigger.
But that means she's gonna have crap jobs her whole life, right? Minimum-wage stuff.
I could still grow up to be anything.
But for her this is it.
OK, but maybe you'll be a lawyer or a doctor, and you can support your deadbeat sister.
Oh, that's terrifically better.
Thanks! - Hey, guys, I think I've got it.
- Good job, Will.
- Those aren't, like, potions, are they? - No.
No potions.
It's not magic.
It's chemistry.
You can tell by how damn slow it is.
I made a solution that reacts to the proteins in human blood.
So we're pretty close to knowing for certain.
I'm here.
I'm here.
- We're doing chemistry.
- Oh.
So sorry I hurried.
Did your friend have a good time, and then leave? She's gone.
So, An, the way she looked, with the face That wasn't what you used to look like, was it? Something wrong with that? Did you think she was unattractive? Is there any answer to that question that won't make you nuts? Halfrek was always considered to be a great beauty.
Well, hon, she was a little There was some veininess.
Hold this.
OK.
If the solution reacts to the proteins, then I'll be able to see it.
I mean, I'll be able to look through the microscope and then see it.
You're not so perfect either, what with your strangely large upper arms and your tendency to criticise.
Huh? - What do you see? - There's no reaction.
Oh, God, no! There's no reaction.
- Which means it's not human.
- It's not human! - It's not human? - Well, is it demon meat? I mean, maybe someone's killing demons and using them as a cheap source of meat.
We've all heard of that.
I'm opposed to using demon meat, no matter how much money it saves.
Surprise you? Again, I say "Huh?" No, I'm not sure what I'm seeing.
Cellulose? There's something weird here.
Scalp? Wig! Wig lady? Oh, dear.
"Wig lady.
" Is that what they call me? I don't care for that.
I mean, I have to do something to hide this.
It's paralysing.
Don't try to move, dear.
You really can't, much.
The paralysis spreads upward, by the way.
You may want to flail your arms a bit while you still can.
Did I tell you? You're my favourite.
Double Meat workers.
You're so full of Double Meat burgers and you just slide down so smooth.
Oh, I just love the paralysis.
It means I can eat you slowly.
I know you're under there.
Buffy? Are you in there? I can't see you inside.
Buffy, if you're in there, the burger isn't people.
They aren't even meat.
It's all processed vegetables.
Isn't that weird? Buffy, there's more.
Something happened today.
It wasn't my fault.
It was Amy's fault, but I feel so bad about it.
It was Amy's power, but it felt like I was doing everything myself.
And I couldn't stop.
And now it's gone and I feel kinda shaky and like I need it, Buffy.
Buffy, something fell.
Buffy! Visitors.
How nice.
Missed me.
Oh.
Oh! Buffy! Buffy, are you all right? Paralysed, but I think it's wearing off.
I did it! I killed her, Buffy.
Look! Ew.
Hey.
Amy.
Can I come in? My new place isn't set up and I wanted to borrow detergent.
You really can't.
I can't borrow detergent? When they call me Stinky Amy I'm just gonna say "Not my fault.
" I can't spend time with you any more.
- What? - You can't come in here again.
What's up? You didn't like your birthday present? That's right.
You're telling me that you didn't have a genuine blast? Come on, that was a sweet spell.
It was like a trip to Disneyland without the lines.
You don't get it.
What you did to me was wrong.
Do you have any idea how much harder that makes just everything? You know what I notice? You're not denying that you had fun.
- Shut up.
- Oh, yeah.
Sharp argument you got there.
Were you on the debate team? I forget.
I forgot a lot while you were failing to make me be not a rat.
Amy, if you really are my friend, you better stay away from me.
And if you really aren't you better stay away from me.
- Yeah? Hi.
You must be the new manager.
I'm Buffy Summers.
I'm Lorraine Ross.
They called me in when Manny did his disappearing act.
You hear about that? Guy just disappeared.
Yeah.
I think I think that used to happen a lot around here.
Wait.
Buffy Summers? I heard about you.
Caused a big scene.
Oh, yeah.
Practical jokes not really right for the workplace.
I so get that now.
Anyway, I just wanted to return my uniform.
Most people don't even bother.
The Double Meat Medley is vegetables? How do you know that? So I guess it's true.
Um, close the door? Have a seat.
It's a texturised, vegetable-based, meat-like product, suitable for grinding.
It's blended with large amounts of rendered beef fat for flavour.
The secret ingredient in the beef is beef? Buffy, you know something powerful here.
Do you understand that? The Double Meat reputation is built on a foundation of, well, meat.
You can't spread this around.
I get that.
- It's a valuable secret, isn't it? - Is there something you want? - I really need money.
- You want money? No! Well, I mean, yes, but, no, l I want to work.
See, I have zero money coming in, and there are expenses.
And by the time I interview for a new job and go through a training process I'd I'd really like to not be fired any more.
I don't want any more practical jokes.
I mean it.
I promise.
Well, I'm a little short-handed right now and you're already trained.
I think you can not be fired.
Thank you.
That's great.
I can do the job.
I promise that, too.
I certainly hope so.
I don't like short-timers, Buffy.
I like people who want to be here.
Maybe you didn't take this job seriously before, but from now on See this? I want you to be shooting for this from here on out.
Right.
Here on out.