Gilmore Girls s06e13 Episode Script

Hey.
Hey.
Did I wake you? 'Cause I brushed my teeth in the shower so you wouldn't hear the sink run.
No, you didn't wake me up.
But then it occurred to me while I was in the shower that you could probably hear the shower run, and that defeated the purpose of the whole shower-toothbrush combo.
Why are you up so early? Oh, well, you know me.
I do, so why are you up so early? I have chores.
It's 6:00 in the morning.
Well, it's early morning chores.
What's early morning chores? You know, just milking cows, feeding chickens, slopping pigs.
You have to slop pigs? They're certainly not gonna slop themselves.
You're being evasive.
I'm not being evasive.
I'm trying to remain mysterious so you still find me interesting 100 years from now.
Why won't you tell me where you're going? Well I'm going to the flower mart.
Why? Because I'm meeting Sookie there because we were going to get ideas for flowers for the wedding Oh.
That is now postponed.
Right.
But I forgot to call her last night because I did, and, uh, she's there now, waiting for me to pick out flowers.
Sorry.
No.
Hey.
It's my bad.
I should have called her last night.
No, I meant I was sorry about the - You need a ride? - No.
So, I should go.
She's probably already there, and-- Right.
Go.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Yes.
Yes, you will.
Uh, can I help? Help what? - Help you.
- Help me what? Cancel stuff.
Oh.
I mean, you shouldn't have to do this all by yourself.
No, it's fine.
I'm a great canceler.
I'm so smooth, people think I'm still gonna show up.
I'm good.
But-- But I should really get going.
I'll see you later? Tonight.
Yeah unless I cancel.
Just kidding.
I'm not going to oops.
Go back to sleep.
Hold on.
Ow! God, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to-- It's fine.
It's okay.
It hurts so good, as Mr.
Mellencamp said.
Is it bleeding? No, no.
Okay.
That's okay.
I'll see you.
And what are those called? Bluebells.
Ooh, bluebells, that sounds fancy.
And what are those? Fairy wings.
Fairy wings-- so romantic.
Do they smell good? Ohh.
Terrible.
Fairy wings smell like a very different part of the fairy, if you know what I mean.
Sookie! Hi! Don't smell the fairy wings.
- Don't what? - Never mind.
Sorry I'm so late.
That is okay.
It gave me a chance to scope out the place.
Sharon over there has great stuff, but she is completely anti-haggle.
"This is my price, and you will pay it.
" You know what? This is me walking away from you over to Miguel's, who's very haggle-friendly, but his roses suck.
Do you want roses? Sookie-- Because if you don't, I saw some bluebells over at Tim's that I know are not your normal-bouquet kind of choice, but I think we can make something interesting out of them.
- Sookie - Yes? The wedding has been postponed.
What did you do? What did I do? Did you get cold feet? You can't get cold feet.
We need to put some nice wool socks on those feet, because Luke is perfect for you.
I know.
He waited for you to get over Christopher.
He waited for you to get over Max.
Sookie.
Why do you do this? Why do you want to make yourself miserable? He has a kid.
- Who has a kid? - Luke has a kid.
- Luke has a kid? - Luke has a kid.
A kid, like a goat? A kid, like a daughter.
She's 12 years old.
He found out a few months ago, and he just told me about her yesterday.
Holy moly.
He's completely in shock, and he's trying to handle it the best way he can.
- Drinking? - No.
- Xanax? - No.
He's trying to be a father, and I applaud that.
So, for 12 years Luke's had a daughter out there just walking around? Yeah.
That is crazy! Oh, my god.
What? I wonder if Jackson has a love child.
What? I saw this kid wandering around town the other day.
He looked exactly like Jackson, and his voice was exactly like Jackson's, plus he was holding a banana, so I think he likes fruit.
Sookie, Jackson doesn't have a son he doesn't know about.
Why not? Luke had a daughter he didn't know anything about.
I know.
You think Luke's the only one with a past? You think Jackson was a monk when I met him? He had seed, and he passed it around.
Sookie Sorry.
Right.
Sorry.
So, how is Luke? He's just trying to deal.
I mean, he wants to do the right thing by April.
That's her name-- April.
Pretty name.
Yeah, he's just trying to figure everything out, and the wedding was coming up so fast, we decided to postpone it for a while.
- That sucks.
- No, it's okay.
It's fine.
It's just I have calls to make-- you know, all the plans were made.
I'm a great dialer.
What do you need? I have to call the printer and the caterer and the photographer and the-- and the church-- the perfect church that only had one date available.
I knew it was all too easy.
I knew there had to be a catch.
No, there was not a catch.
Luke will get over the shock of this, and he'll figure things out, and everything will be back to a big "go, go, go" again.
I know, Luke will figure it out.
Everything will calm down.
That's right.
I mean, it's all so fresh right now.
No one's thinking straight.
No, they're not.
I mean, he could wake up tomorrow and feel completely differently about things, next week, maybe.
Maybe.
You know, maybe I shouldn't cancel everything right away.
I mean, I still have some time before I lose my deposit on the hall.
Maybe I should just chill out and-- and see what happens.
Is that crazy? No, it's not crazy at all.
Okay.
Then I'll wait? Once more with feeling? Okay, then, I'll wait.
Okay.
It's early.
Let's get some coffee.
Are you talking about that Arnaz kid? Yes! That's the one! Well, he does talk like Jackson.
I know, and he even gets louder at the end of his sentences! That's weird.
I told you so.
Stop.
Look.
I don't remember that being there yesterday.
Yesterday you came from the other way, so you missed the trash can, but you almost took out the bike rack.
Thank god I have a guardian angel hanging out by the coffee kiosk.
Well, it's the only place it's safe to stand with a maniac like you walking around.
Plus, here, I'm guaranteed to run into you at least three times a day.
Your usual.
You've been hanging out at this coffee cart every day for a week.
Yes, it's sad.
I'm officially a wuss.
If I saw me doing this, I'd beat the crap out of myself.
You have nothing better to do with your time? Nothing better than to try and get you back, no.
You're too slick for your own good, Huntzberger.
Excuse me.
But this is not slick.
This is a Nora Ephron movie.
Louis Armstrong should be warbling as we talk.
So come on.
Please, put me out of my misery.
You promised you'd let me take you to dinner.
How 'bout Thursday night? Really? Yeah.
I'll have turned in my article for the Daily News, and my Friday morning history class was canceled this week.
Okay, great.
Thursday it is-- 7:30.
And do not think of backing out, because I will cry and eat a pint of rocky road while watching "An Affair to Remember" with Rita Wilson.
Of course.
Can't wait.
Eyes on the road.
Paul Anka, mommy's home! She comes bearing kibble! Hey, where are you?! Oh, no.
What have you done? You're hiding.
That means you've done something weird.
Oh, seriously? You know, some dogs dig! It might be a nice change of pace! Hey, sugar.
I heard some terrible crashing sounds coming from your living room today.
I tried to get in, but Luke fixed the back door, so you can't jiggle it off the hinge anymore.
You should really talk to him about that, sweetie.
I hope everything's okay.
Call me later if it's not.
Bye-bye, toots! Lorelai, it's your father.
I'm calling to tell you there's been a little mistake with Rory's tuition at Yale.
Seems our check was returned to us.
For whatever reason, they did not cash it.
Now, don't worry.
I'm sure it's just some sort of clerical mix-up.
I've been on the phone with the bursar's office all morning.
I'm currently waiting for a call from a Mrs.
Linwood, and then I'm sure I will get this all cleared up.
Tell Rory not to worry.
If anyone gives her any trouble, tell them to call me.
I will call you later.
Goodbye.
Hey, mom.
Oh, you got your study voice.
Yep.
It goes with my pop-quiz walk and my term-paper face.
- Oh.
Five minutes? - Go.
- I just got a call from your grandfather.
- Oh yeah? He called to tell me that Yale returned his check.
He thinks it's a clerical error.
- It's not a clerical error.
- Nope.
They're gonna find out, kid.
Yep.
Getting charged by the word on your calling plan? What do you want me to say? How 'bout "what do you think we should do?" Nothing.
Rory, they're going to find out Christopher is paying for Yale.
I know.
And they're not gonna like it.
It's gonna go over badly.
It's gonna be the opening night of "taboo" all over again.
They had to find out eventually, mom.
Yes, but shouldn't they find out from you, not some office clerk at Yale? What's the worst that can happen? We won't be speaking anymore? Gee, that would suck.
Wow.
Ice, ice, baby.
Sorry, not trying to be cold, but I don't think I should feel guilty because I want my father to pay for college.
No, you shouldn't, but my parents do have feelings.
You saw my mom when the gardener butchered her box hedges.
Okay, fine.
I'll send them an e-mail.
Okay, fine, but you could also call and tell them yourself.
It'll probably only cost you 75, maybe 80 words.
Oh, no.
What "oh, no"? You saw a rat "oh, no" or you cut off your thumb "oh, no"? Paris.
Oh, no.
I have to call you back.
The point is vague.
The point is not vague.
The point is vague! The conclusions are insane.
The conclusions are Johns Hopkins', not mine.
The research is sloppy, the sources are unreliable, and the by-line should read story by a petulant 2-year-old who had one too many black and tans last night and so this is what you people get to read.
" Fix it! I can't get anyone to write their names on their cups and use them again.
It doesn't seem that hard.
Open sharpie, write name.
Maybe people don't want to reuse a paper cup.
Well, then, hopefully people who don't want to reuse a paper cup won't mind buying SPF 5000 for their grandkids when the rainforest is gone and the ozone layer is a doily and the human race is bursting into flames.
Maybe we could just tell everyone to bring a mug for their water.
We could, but they won't bring a mug, just like they won't properly proof their articles or double-check their sources.
Paris, did something happen? You seem upset.
I'm just dealing with the usual incompetence around here.
That's all.
What happened here? Our pictures have sucked eggs lately, and so I sent out two photographers to cover the same story.
They each came back with about 40 of the crappiest pictures ever to have been committed to film.
Completely unusable It was supposed to be a picture of a football game.
I know.
Well, was there one with a guy in a helmet holding a ball? Because that's really all you need.
They were predictable and standard.
Guy in helmet holding ball.
Cover of the Harvard Crimson after the big game-- guy with helmet holding ball.
Stanford game-- guy in helmet holding ball.
I wanted something more, okay? Something that really said something about the game.
Like "we forgot to go"? And then, of course, when the temperamental artistes found out I had double-booked the gig, they threw Naomi Campbell-level hissy fits and quit.
So you just left it blank? Why, to make them look bad? Because it doesn't make them look bad.
It makes you look bad.
It was up to the sports editor to inform me that no picture was approved.
You needed someone to remind you you didn't approve a picture? Hey, I have a million different things I am doing here! Paris, we cannot be publishing papers that have blank spots in them, and we cannot have all our photographers quit because there's not an endless supply of them.
Oh please.
How hard is it to look through a hole and push a button? I can do it myself.
How are you doing on your story? Fine.
You'll have it first thing tomorrow morning.
Finally, one person I can count on.
These need more work.
These are locked.
Well, unlock them.
You've got entire paragraphs cut out.
This is hours of work.
The paper comes out tomorrow.
I'd have to track down every writer and get them in here to rewr-- Then track them down, because those stories are not going in the paper like that.
She's out of control.
She's a mad dictator.
She's the kind of dictator they don't just like to kill.
She's the kind I'd like to drag through the streets and then hang from a lamppost for a month and a half.
Let's just get this paper out.
Where's Sheila? Sick.
- What about Joni? - Sick.
There's an awful lot of sickness going on around here lately.
Yes, there certainly is, and there's probably going to be a lot more very soon.
Michelle? Bill.
Well, I just talked to Paris, and you know what that means.
Easy-- just the messenger.
Hello? Hi, dad.
It's Lorelai.
- Lorelai? - Mom? - Emily? - Richard? Rowan? Martin? Lorelai called me, Emily.
She did? What for? I don't know.
She hasn't told me yet.
Lorelai, why did you call your father? Well, I just wanted to know how he was doing.
I'm doing fine.
Very glad to hear that.
All right.
It's good of you to check in.
Goodbye, Lorelai.
Whoa, guys, wait.
Is there more? More than the nothing there just was? Yes, there's more.
Hurry up, please.
I'm meeting Bill Chandler at the club, and I'm late.
Okay.
Well, I just wanted to tell you that there was no mistake with your Yale check.
There wasn't? No, they sent you back your check because Yale has already been paid for.
By whom? By Christopher.
Christopher who? Christopher Isherwood.
That "cabaret" money was burning a hole in his pocket.
You know what Christopher, mom.
His grandfather passed away recently and left him some money, and he just wanted to do something for Rory.
He's trying to be a dad for once.
I thought it seemed like a good idea.
Hello? Guys, are you there? I'm here, Lorelai.
Your mother had to go.
Oh, dad, please don't read too much into this.
I mean, when was the last time Christopher wanted to do anything for Rory? He wants to contribute.
This is a good thing.
This is not a snub, dad, I swear.
Rory and I are so grateful for everything you and mom have done-- all the help you've given her.
She would not be in Yale right now if it weren't for you, and she would never have gone to Chilton.
She would have graduated Stars Hollow High and then gone to community college and then beauty school.
I have to go, Lorelai.
Dad! I appreciate the phone call.
I simply wish it had come before I called every person in the bursar's office a moron.
Well if it will make you feel any better, odds are, at least two of them truly deserved it.
I can't believe you didn't dress crazy like we agreed.
We never agreed to dress crazy.
What are you talking about? We did so, on the phone last night when we made our lunch plans.
You saying, "hey, let's dress crazy," does not equate to us agreeing to dress crazy.
For years, it did.
Well, for years, you bought my clothes for me, so I had very little choice in the matter.
Oh, so typical-- kid grows up, goes to a fancy school, becomes a snob, and is suddenly ashamed of her mother.
You totally mildred pierced me.
I did not mildred pierce you.
Oh, you'll miss me when I'm gone.
Oh, my god.
Just an observation.
The food here has gotten worse.
Ooh, coffee! You have coffee in your hand.
I know, but by the time she makes a new one, the old one will be gone.
Okay, two, please.
Two double cappuccinos, please.
Thanks for having lunch with me.
Well, you paid.
- So, guess what.
- What? I'm having dinner with Logan tonight.
So, he finally wormed his way back in, huh? He did, at that.
Is he taking you someplace fabulous? Odds are.
Want to borrow my scarf? Wait for the wedding night? You got it.
Ooh, thank you, ma'am.
Well, I talked to your grandparents last night.
Oh, so now they're my grandparents.
I told them about Yale.
- Good.
- Good? I'm glad.
You're glad I told them or you're glad they know? Both.
So you want to know how they took it? - No.
- They took it great.
Mom practically broke the phone, she hung up so hard, and dad-- well, dad was solemn, quiet, sad.
It was a huge success.
Okay, here's how I see it-- you and your grandparents are at a huge crossroads, a precipice, if you will.
They are the bridges of Madison county, and you are Meryl Streep.
As the paper pages go flying off the calendar.
Hey, listen to me.
I'm serious here.
I know you and your grandparents are playing the "who can freeze out who the longest?" Which I know can be fun, but if you ever hope to have a relationship with them again, then someone needs to make the first move.
I remember the first Christmas after we left Hartford.
We were at the Independence Inn, and I got an invitation to their annual Christmas party, and I didn't go, and that one move defined our entire future relationship.
I mean, if I had gone, it would have been awful, but it would have broken the ice, and maybe-- and I know this is a big "maybe"-- but maybe we would have been a tad closer than we are now or could ever hope to be.
Maybe, maybe not.
I just know how much you love your grandparents and how important to you it was to have a relationship with them, and I don't want the fact that you inherited my stubbornness to screw that up.
Okay, I hear you.
Do you? Because my scarf is screaming as loud as it can.
I will think about it.
All right.
You have till 6:45 Friday night, then we're having dinner with them.
- What?! - I made the plans last night.
But-- Come on, Rory.
Friday night dinners, cocktails, Mozart, mind games-- good times.
Yeah, but I'm not so sure about this.
I mean-- Rory, Mom already said she's really into this.
You can't back out now.
She is? Yeah.
Grandma said she was into this? Well, you know, she didn't say it like that, but she said, "Oh! Dinner with Rory! How delightful! Well, spit-spot.
Alert the corgis.
" Mom Yes, yes, she's into it.
Now, what do you say? Okay.
Okay? Do you want to wear my scarf to dinner? I know you do.
Bill.
Well, look who's all dressed up for the ball.
I sent in my story this morning.
I never got a confirmation call.
Did you get it? Yep.
Well, no one called me in for a final edit, and I need to finish this up now.
I have a date tonight.
So, who is the copy editor on my piece? That would be Michael.
Well, where is Michael and everyone else? Well, let's see.
The sports department, city department, entertainment department, and feature department, other than you, have quit.
Michael quit.
Sylvia quit.
Joni quit.
Sheila's sick tonight, but as soon as she's better, she's going to quit.
Great.
Oh, not done.
The senior editor quit.
The entire copy department quit.
The little fellow who brought around sandwiches in the basket quit.
Okay, fine, I get it.
Everyone quit.
Not everyone, but close.
It was quite an exodus-- very biblical.
All that was missing were the cabala bracelets and the matzo.
Whatever.
We'll figure that out later.
Right now I just need to finish my article, so I guess you and I can do it together.
We could, but I quit, too.
What? Right after Joni.
I bowed out.
I actually bowed-- physically bowed.
Well, if you quit, then what are you doing here? Are you kidding? I'm going to have a ringside seat for the event of the century.
Tonight will be the first time ever in the history of the Yale Daily News that the paper does not come out.
Very nice.
D-Day-- the paper came out.
Kennedy gets shot-- the paper comes out.
But three months of the Geller reign of terror, and the whole damn institution comes tumbling down.
You suck, Bill.
Paris? Holy crap.
I can't talk now.
What happened to this place? There's no air in here or light.
Where are your fire exits? You love fire exits.
No one can write a lead-- no one.
Paris, do you have any idea what's going on out there? I can't think about that now.
Half the staff has quit.
No, more than half the staff has quit-- and there's no one out there working.
There's no one out there working when there's people out there working.
Ship of fools! Paris, the paper's not gonna come out.
Of course it is.
How? Nothing's done.
I'm working on it.
Alone? I can do it alone.
I've been doing it alone for months.
No man is an island, but this woman is.
But, Paris-- I've got it all scheduled out.
As long as I stick to the schedule, everything's going to be fine.
I'm finishing up a review of the drama club's production of "sweeney todd" now.
Then 9:30 to 10:00, I'm gonna finalize the layout.
- 11:00 to 12:30-- - Let me see that.
Paris, there's like 100 hours of work on this and 5 hours till the paper comes out.
We'll get it done.
You better get bitten by that radioactive spider pretty damn fast here.
I'll get it done.
I just have to focus and stop allowing myself to be distracted.
Paris! Don't distract me! Okay, everyone, listen up.
We have work to do.
You, t-shirt-- you're doing layout.
And, you, saggy pants-- get all the heelers' numbers, call them, and tell them to get in here.
They've just been promoted.
And Tally, I need Sheila and Joni's numbers ASAP.
Come on, people! Move! We've got a paper to get out! I just think that if Michel had somebody to come home to, he might go home.
Oh, he's been driving me crazy about turning the stable into a spa.
What would we do with the horses? Well, we'd work them in.
We'd have the first hot-hoof massage on the east coast.
'Cause they've already got them in California.
Hi, Paul Anka.
You haven't done anything weird yet today, I see.
Do you remember Sookie? Hi, Paul Anka.
You're gonna come spend the night with me.
Are you sure this is okay? Yeah, it's fine.
We think a dog would be good for Davey.
He loves them.
I just want to make sure that Jackson and I are dog people first.
Aw, you are.
I mean, I know babies, but dogs Are just furry babies.
Keep him occupied for a second.
Hi, Paul Anka.
You want to come have a sleepover at my house, huh? What are you doing? Uh, freaks out if he sees his leash.
You have to make sure you hide it from him, make sure he doesn't see you putting it on him.
How is he once he's on the leash? Oh, he's totally fine having his personal freedom slowly stripped away as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening, just like a true American.
- It's all yours.
- Thanks.
Come on, Paul Anka.
We're gonna have fun tonight.
Yes, we are.
Hey, it's me.
I hope you had a good day with Rory.
I would have called you earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt the fun, so I thought I'd try you at home, but you're not at home.
Anyhow, April is coming to the diner tonight from 5:00 to 8:00, so I'll see you here after 8:00.
Okay, bye.
After 8:00? Yeah, that's what he said.
So, I guess you two decided that you're not gonna see the kid.
Yeah, I guess we did.
Hey, if we get a dog, we're gonna name it Chef.
Get it? 'Cause I'm a cook.
Oh, cool.
You want me to leave Paul Anka? No, take him.
I'm great.
You are? Yeah, I think that's what we decided.
Come on.
Come on.
Bye, hon.
One sample per person, people-- one sample only.
Don't make me use the candy thermometer on you.
Hey.
There's a line.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just-- - I know what you were doing.
- No, I wasn't doing anything.
You're trying to shove in for the free chocolate.
I wasn't trying to-- free chocolate, really? European hot chocolate.
It's like mud but chocolaty.
- And you were trying to-- - Oh, can it, Ruthie.
When your foot's not in your mouth, you don't know what to do with yourself.
Come on, sugar.
Two, Kirk.
You'll have to wait in line-- Here, doll.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Oh, Patty, did I tell you about Tilly's new face-lift? Scotch tape.
- What are we looking at? - Oh, I-- Oh, I know what we're looking at.
We're looking at Luke and his daughter.
How did you know that? Oh, please, that was page-one news around here for a week.
So, what's the scoop? Well, I don't know.
All we know is that she's 12 years old and that she's seeking him out.
I heard her mother was that Nardini girl.
You remember her? Oh, yeah.
She was beautiful.
What's she look like now? I don't know.
- You don't? - Well, I-- You know, Luke was pretty serious about her.
He tell you about them? No, but I don't tell him about my boyfriends either.
Well, no, because he's met all of them already.
He hasn't met all of them-- some.
Most.
Well, what's the kid like? Yeah.
You get along? Oh, well, we will.
You mean you don't know? That's to be expected.
She looks like a reader.
Is she a reader? Can you imagine Luke with a reader? Oh, I can't imagine Luke with a daughter.
Can you imagine Luke with a kid? Oh, my god, I can't believe that.
Luke has a kid.
Can you believe Luke has a kid? He's not a 100-year-old eunuch or anything.
There's other people here who would like a table.
We're busy.
Go lick the empties.
- Busy doing what? - Nothing, nothing.
We're looking at Luke's kid.
Patty! Well, honey, everyone knows.
That's her? - Luke's kid? - Up at the counter.
Lorelai was just about to give us the inside scoop.
- I was not about to give you-- - So, do they want money? I don't think so.
Do you think that Luke's gonna get a lawyer? That he wants custody? Are you sure that's his kid? She's reading.
You're clogging up the flow here.
We're looking at Luke's kid.
So that's Luke's kid.
Well, well, well, what is she reading, a book? Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Yeah.
Okay.
No, yes, done, go.
And triple-check the changes.
Make sure it makes sense.
How are we doing? I have a very strong opinion that I have no opinion on the opinion piece.
And the subject is? Hand blowers in the bathrooms.
And the Pulitzer prize goes to? Just make sure it's done in 20 minutes.
Printer's on the phone.
We're losing our spot.
Hello? Who am I speaking to? Hello, Russell.
This is Rory Gilmore.
What's this I hear about us losing our spot? Yes.
Well, we had an epidemic hit our staff this week, and, unfortunately, it has put us a bit behind.
However, we are quickly getting back on track, and maybe, considering the circumstances, you could cut us a little slack, give us a bit of an extension.
I know, but we've never asked for it before, and we will never ask for it again.
By the way, you sound like a very handsome man, Russell.
Do you work out? Yes, I'm using my wiles and everything else I can to get you to-- one hour.
I'll take it.
Thank you, Russell.
You have a slightly inappropriate Christmas card coming your way this year.
Bye.
We have a one-hour extension! That one and use them both if we need to fill space.
Hey, I was cat's-cradling! Bill, get your ass out of that chair and work or get your ass out of that chair and leave.
Either way, get your ass out of that chair.
I am not interested in helping Paris do anything.
You wouldn't be helping Paris.
You would be helping me.
Fine.
If Punxsutawney Phil sticks her head out of her hole, I am out of here.
Interested in some desking? I'm on it.
Computer crashed again.
Unplug it and plug it back in.
If that doesn't work, call IT.
and get someone over here now.
Oh, my god.
Our date.
I'm so sorry.
Paris melted down and everyone quit and the paper wasn't gonna come out, and I only found out about it because no one called me to confirm they got my story, so I called in all the heelers, and I got Sheila and Joni to come in, and I called Pete, who said he was sick, but I threatened his job, so he came in, but he was really sick, so I just sent him home so he didn't get everyone else sick.
Plus, the printers are trying to give our time away, the computers keep crashing, and then there's the tiny little detail of nothing's done.
And D-Day, the paper came out, and I forgot.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe you didn't call me.
I know, but it's just paper stuff.
I know.
I'm on the paper.
You hate it here.
I know this crap backwards and forwards.
I can't believe you didn't even think to call me.
Well, I'm sorry.
I just didn't think you were interested.
I guess you don't know everything, now, do you? So come on, what have you got here? Well, this is an article on Greenspan.
He gave an interview with all this technical economic jargon.
I know the jargon.
I'll take this.
Are these proofed? Yeah, but they're not typed in yet.
I'll do that.
I'll be fast.
I type 90 words a minute.
You do? You really did only like me for my looks, huh? How you doing on content? Uh, still a little short.
Okay.
I got a couple stories banked that I didn't give Paris.
They are in pretty decent shape.
Maybe take a look at them.
And just remember, if you still need material, just cannibalize everything you have ready for Friday's issue and use it for tonight.
Robbing Peter to pay Paul.
Peter's asking for it.
Okay.
So, who do you have desking? Bill.
I'd throw Sheila on there with him.
It will hurt his ego and make him work faster.
Okay, I'll be over here if you need me.
And get that yo-yo off the floor.
Somebody's gonna break their neck.
I mean, can you believe she reads? I have a kid who reads.
Crazy! She sat there for hours doing her homework-- geometry.
That's some crazy stuff.
I actually bought a book, "geometry for dummies.
" I stash it in the kitchen and run back there every time she asks me a question, thinking I can keep up with her, but I can't figure out what the hell it says.
I mean, it's just this mess of weird symbols and shapes and-- I wonder if there's another book I could get.
Um, "'geometry for dummies' for dummies"? Yes, exactly.
Luke, she has teachers.
All you have to do is nod and smile.
That's what I did with Rory.
I just want her to, you know, not be embarrassed I'm her dad.
Impossible.
Well, step by step-- first step, making sure she's comfortable around me.
She sure seems to be-- I mean, you know, 'cause she's coming here and hanging out at the diner.
She wouldn't do that if she was uncomfortable.
Yeah, well, she's gonna be with this village of idiots I live in.
Do you know tonight, she comes to the diner, right? She's sitting at the counter, doing her homework there.
I look over at the soda shoppe, and the whole damn town is staring through the window at us.
No! Oh yeah.
Like we're monkeys in a zoo.
I could have killed them all.
That's terrible.
What happened? Nothing.
She didn't notice anything.
She was too busy studying.
I just couldn't believe those people.
Can't they get that this is a private thing, I'm trying to get to know my kid? I mean, you understand, you're not all over me about this.
You get that we need some alone time.
Oh, yeah, I do.
I totally do.
Thank you.
Sure.
Any time.
Did we verify the dean of admissions quote? Twice.
How are we doing on time? Uh, bad.
- More specifically? - 10 minutes.
We'll make it.
We'll make it.
Spelling on name-- it's Cheevers' name-- C-H-- E-E-V-E-R-S.
You're sure about the double E's? Not at all.
Two E's it is.
Okay.
And I'm done.
Close out.
I'll cut and paste it to the final copy.
Closing out.
Wow! So, that's what hard work feels like.
Apparently I've been avoiding it for a reason.
You're in, ace? I'm in.
Proceeding with the cut & paste now.
Aw, man.
Why are you smiling? I'm thinking about the hundreds of different ways you owe me for this.
I owe you nothing.
You did this for the greater good.
For the glory of the paper.
For a foot massage.
Are we close? Very, very close.
Well, kids, hold on to your hats.
We are losing our printing time.
No! Remind Russell about the Christmas card.
I don't think he cares.
He's giving it to the cart.
No, he can't! He did.
So, that's it? We just lose? After all this work, we just lose? Keep typing, ace.
Why? What's the point? Type! Well, I guess you'll be talking on the phone now.
Go away, Bill.
Hey, who am I speaking with? Russell, I'm Logan Huntzberger.
Yes, those Huntzbergers.
It's great to speak with you, too.
I hear there's a problem with our printing time? Uh-huh.
No, I completely understand.
The first thing I learned from my father is that there's no paper unless it gets to the printer on time.
Yes, he is quite a legend, my father.
I'd love to introduce you to him sometime.
Anyway, Russell, the thing is we actually sent the issue to you already.
Oh.
Yes, at least 15 minutes ago.
Now, if you're having a problem with your server, we shouldn't be penalized for that, right? Yeah, it should be in the system right now.
Sure.
Go check.
But before you do, if you could spell your name for me-- I want to have the correct pronunciation when I speak with my father.
Uh-huh, Russell.
Damn! My pen broke.
Hold on.
I'm looking for a pen.
I'm looking for a pen.
Looking for a pen.
Almost there.
Okay.
I found a pen.
Here we go.
What's your name? "Russell Smith.
" Okay, I didn't really need a pen for that one, now, did I? Okay, Russell Smith, if you go to your computer, I am definitely, absolutely sure that you will turn it on and you will see that we, the Yale Daily News, have successfully completed our mission and sent to you our e-mail containing the latest issue of the-- It's all there, man.
What? What's happening? You got it? All right, great.
It's been great speaking with you, too.
I'll tell my father.
Bye.
And that's how we do it at the Daily News! All right! We got the paper out! That's what I'm talking about, people! Good hustle! Really good hustle! And they said we couldn't do it, huh? Boy, what a rush, right?! So, I'm just saying that when that giant asteroid heads toward earth, I want you in that fighter jet.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
You saved my ass.
Infinitely worth saving.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry we didn't get our dinner.
We didn't.
Huh.
I thought that we did.
Boy, when you're on Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway.
And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartfordshireville.
"Maids go in, but they never come out," they would whisper on the street.
How are we doing? Keep going.
One day, a beautiful, young cowherderess walked by the house.
Cowherderess? Hey, we could just go in, you know? Cowherderess is walking by.
And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch.
So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted french doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and-- Okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were 4.
I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now.
It's gonna be fine.
I know.
Come on, my little cowherderess.
Do you want to press the bell, or should I? Hi.
Hello.
Come in.
Oh, thank you.
See? We've been invited in.
Such a great start, don't you think? May I take your coats? Oh, yes, thank you.
Mr.
Gilmore is in the living room.
Hi.
Hey, dad.
Hi, grandpa.
Hello, Lorelai.
Rory, how nice to see you.
Yeah, you too.
Would you like a drink? Yeah, that would be great.
I can get it.
Just wanted to finish the sentence.
Excellent book-- shame to put it down.
I hope martinis will be fine.
Ooh, better than fine.
Will Rory be having a martini? Yes, she will.
A really small one.
Oh, something smells really good, doesn't it, Rory? It does.
It smells really good.
Oh.
You're here.
Oh, mom.
Where'd you come from? Hi, grandma.
Hello, Rory.
Are you getting them a drink, Richard? Yes, I am, Emily.
Something smells really good, mom.
Oh, good.
Well, enjoy your drinks.
They're doing a showing for my art class at the DAR, and I'm doing a moonscape.
I'm just finishing it up out on the patio.
You're painting? I am.
Right now? Well, you never know when inspiration's going to hit.
You know, I'm actually getting pretty good.
I think I have a shot at a medal.
Excuse me.
Two martinis.
Oh, thank you, dad.
Boy, that's a serious martini.
Drink what you like.
Leave the rest.
So, what's new? Oh, um, well, not too much.
Um, things at the inn are going well.
Business-- you know.
We're booked up through-- My martini's not cold enough.
How's yours? Mine's fine.
I'm gonna get new ice.
I'll make another batch.
Grandma's outside painting moonscapes.
Well, she thinks she can get a medal.
I thought you said she wanted me to come.
She did.
Mom, she is sitting outside in the 40-degree weather painting moonscapes so she doesn't have to be inside with me.
That is not the reason.
Did she or did she not say she wanted us to come over for dinner? She did not say it, but I know deep down she does.
But you lied to me.
New ice.
I can reshake yours if you like.
Hey, dad, is something wrong? Wrong? Yeah.
You're very picky about your ice, and mom's outside painting.
There's nothing wrong, Lorelai.
Is mom still mad? Mad at whom? Mad at me? Anger is a useless emotion, Rory.
It's a waste of time.
Your mother has a shot at a medal.
That's all that's going on around here.
Okay, right.
Mom, could you come in here just for a sec? I'd like to ask you something.
Well all right.
Can you sit down for a minute? Let me go change first.
Sit down first.
I can't sit down in my painting clothes.
Why? Are they painted on? I'll go upstairs and shower and change and then I'll be back.
Mom! This ice has a funny taste to it.
I'm gonna get some more.
Now, come on, you two.
Can we please just talk about this? Talk about what? You're obviously upset about Christopher paying for Yale.
And I get it.
We should have told you earlier, but let me just explain how it happened.
No.
It's my responsibility.
Let me explain.
I don't think anyone needs to explain anything except why I'm not being allowed to clean myself.
He came to me, grandma, and he asked if he could do anything-- This really isn't necessary.
I let him pay for Yale.
He's my father.
You know something I don't, mom? How convenient that he's her father now.
Perhaps your father can reimburse me for the five cases of scotch I had to send the men in the bursar's office.
I'm sure he'd be happy to.
You know what else I find amusing? "Reno 911!"? I find it very amusing that Christopher is suddenly such a wonderful person.
Mom! It seems to me that when I was in cahoots with him, everyone thought that I was a villain, and now you're in cahoots with him, and that's perfectly fine.
Please don't say "cahoots" anymore.
It's disturbing.
You're being a little hypocritical, don't you think? No, I don't.
You were trying to break Luke and me up, and I'm trying to put Rory through college.
Rory was already being put through college by us.
That's right.
I didn't want you to pay for it anymore.
There-- there it is.
So you went to Christopher.
He came to me.
Oh, please.
You just wanted to hurt us.
By taking money from my father? Yes, exactly! I've had enough of this.
I'm going back out to touch up my moonscape.
I have some work to do.
Fine, I have to go anyhow.
Hey! This is not gonna happen.
You're not going back out to your moonscape, you're not going back to work, and you're not going home.
Now, we all agreed to have Friday night dinner, and we're here, and I smell dinner, and, yes, apparently there are some issues to be worked out, but no one-- and I mean no one-- is leaving here until we do! Things were out of control.
Not the point-- simply not the-- It is completely the-- - Rory, do not cut your grandmother off.
- Well, I'm just saying-- You come running to us, begging us to take you in because you can't possibly deal with your mother.
That's not what happened.
We take you in.
We pay to redecorate a pool house so you can have a place all your own.
I did not ask you to do that.
You accepted it.
You did not turn it down.
I didn't hear you saying, "grandma, stop.
" I didn't see you throw yourself at the decorators while they were putting up your very expensive wallpaper! Then when you decided you don't like how things are going, you leave! With no notice, by the way, and you leave two strange boys in our house unsupervised.
We're missing two picture frames, by the way.
Colin and Finn did not steal your pictures! Do not raise your voice to your grandmother! I never realized how spoiled you were, Rory, but I guess that's to be expected.
Only children are always spoiled.
I'm sorry I didn't leave a note.
My, that sounds heartfelt.
Doesn't that sound heartfelt, Richard? I've never been more touched in all my life.
I apologize.
You don't believe it.
I try to defend myself, and you don't want to hear it.
So, apparently, there's nothing I can do here.
Oh, there's plenty you can do.
What? What can I do? Well, first of all, you can admit what you've done.
You can apologize! I was just trying to apologize! Cut her some slack, mom! Rory was going through something terrible! Life is full of terrible things, Lorelai.
She was emotional.
When you're emotional, you don't think clearly.
I remember a woman who tried to buy a plane when her granddaughter moved out.
I tried to time-share a plane.
It is in no way even close to the same thing.
I've never been so happy to see a salad in my entire life.
Ugh! I can't believe what I'm hearing! If we'd known the extent of the issue, we might not have taken Rory in.
I tried to tell you! You did not! I came here and I told you exactly what happened with Mitchum, and you didn't want to hear it.
I don't remember that! I don't either! "The Huntzbergers told her she wasn't good enough, and Mitchum told her she didn't have it.
" "He what?!" "Yes, and now she's dropped out of Yale, but between the three of us, we can knock some sense into her.
" "Of course we'll help you.
This is not happening.
" "I'll call Charlie Davenport tomorrow.
" "Thank you, guys, so much.
Just thank you.
" And scene! This is really good sorbet.
I know.
Isn't it? Theresa made it herself.
Mango? Passion fruit.
Delicious.
It certainly is.
What are you thinking, buying an airplane?! I didn't buy it.
I looked at it! Well, what were you doing looking at a plane?! I can look at a plane if I want to look at a plane! So I lead her over to the good table, smiling like we are the best friends in the world, and I tell her, Shira, you don't think Rory is good enough to be in your family? "She is.
We are just as good as you are.
After all, you are nothing but a two-bit gold digger, and how you managed to bag Mitchum I will never know.
" You did not.
Oh, yes, she did.
I told her Mitchum still plays around.
Oh, no.
Tell her exactly what you said.
What did I say? About her weight going Oh, yes, yes.
I got it.
I told her, "Mitchum still plays around, you know.
Well, of course you know.
That's why your weight goes up and down 30 pounds every 3 months.
" Ruthless woman! I bow to the foot of the master.
I only wished I'd remembered to call her a cocktail waitress.
That's my mother's version of the "C" word.
I don't want to quit the DAR.
Well, too late.
I was accepted and certified, grandma.
You can't just kick me out.
I can, too.
I know the rules backwards and forward, and I have done nothing to lose my status except argue with you, plus I'm in contact with more members than you are.
That is not true.
And I like more of the members than you do.
That is not true.
I talk to Tweenie Halpern all the time.
What are you doing talking to Tweenie Halpern? I'm friend with Tweenie Halpern.
I'm helping her daughter look at colleges.
I'm gonna give her a tour of Yale.
You have no right to talk to Tweenie Halpern or anyone else in the DAR.
That is my organization.
I'm not quitting! Oh, yes, you are! So, how's Luke? He has a kid.
We were 16! We didn't want to get married! When you get pregnant, you get married! A child needs a mother and a father! Oh, my god! Well I think we've officially reinstated Friday night dinner.