The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s06e13 Episode Script

1
["Ghostbusters" playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
[screaming]
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
[cat yelping]
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
[alarm blaring]
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Uh-oh!
Who you gonna call? ♪
[cat yowling]
Ghostbusters! ♪
[siren blaring]
[growls]
[Slimer] Luigi, jump!
[screams]
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Woah!
[screaming]
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
[Slimer] Ghostbusters!
Yeah!
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
And me! And me!
[clock chiming]
[lightening crackling]
[gasps]
[music playing on TV]
[announcer] [on TV] And now, here's Lenny.
Oh, boy! Yum, yum, yum, yum!
[Slimer chomping]
You guys aren't watching this, are you?
[audiences laughing]
No, Ray, we were just
warming up the set for you.
[Ray] Really? Gee, thanks, Peter.
[clicking]
[music playing]
[growling]
Mmm.
Hey, Ray, we were watching that, man.
Yeah, Michelle Pfeiffer's gonna be on.
[whistles]
[clicking]
[static]
Oh, great, Ray.
What's this, married with static?
Ray, what are you doing?
Looking for our favorite program.
[thudding]
[announcer] It's The Sammy K. Ferret Show.
[cheering]
Oh, boy! Sammy's cool.
Yummy!
[chomping]
And in moi new movie, Dog Tracy,
I play a character with
three personalities.
- What?
- Fat, stupid and ugly.
[laughing]
[audiences laughing]
[Ray and Slimer laughing]
[laughing hysterically]
[harmonica sounds]
[laughing]
[laughing]
[Ray] "Fat, stupid and ugly."
You really think that's funny?
[laughing hysterically]
Sure.
That's the classic anvil gag.
Nobody does it better than Sammy.
Somebody should do it to Sammy.
[harmonium music playing]
Where does this garbage come from?
It's not even listed in the guide.
I'm outta here.
Sammy K. is just too funny for me.
Same here.
Hey, come on, guys.
It's only a cartoon.
Yeah. [laughing] A crazy cartoon.
Good night, Ray, Slimer.
OK, see you guys. Good night.
Yeah, good night.
[Slimer] You're missing a good show.
[laughing]
[static]
Oh, no. Now what's wrong?
What are we gonna do, Ray?
We're gonna fix it.
That's what we're gonna do.
[cranking]
OK, spud, careful now.
Open the window.
[Slimer] Open.
[thundering]
[laughing]
Ray, it works! It works!
[electricity crackling]
Hey!
[Ray] What's going on?
Hey!
Guess my idea wasn't
so hot after all, spud.
It was hot, Ray.
Too hot.
[Ray] Oh, well, we'll just have to buy
a brand new set tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, brand new set.
[cackling]
If anybody needs me,
I'm on my lunch break.
[clicking remote buttons]
Oh, no!
I can't miss Nurses and Doctors,
Doctors and Nurses.
[crackling]
[gasps]
[mouse exclaiming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[mouse] Help! Help!
[Winston] Janine, what's wrong?
[stammering] I saw a mouse.
[laughs] Oh, is that all?
No, no, a cartoon mouse
being chased by a cartoon cat.
Here, Janine,
better call Officer Bulldog
of the Cartoon Police.
[gasps]
But I saw them I swear.
Nothing under here, Janine.
Nothing here, either. All clear.
I don't care. I saw them.
I know I saw them.
Janine, over work and stress can play
strange tricks on the mind.
Now, why don't you take the afternoon off,
relax and forget about this place?
[air whooshing]
I don't believe it!
I finally made it!
New York, the Big Apple,
city of eight million couch potatoes,
just waiting to adore me.
[Peter] Egon, do you really think
throwers are necessary?
[Egon] Bear with me, Peter,
it's merely precautionary.
Hey! Who nuked the tube?
Well, theActually, I did.
[Ray] But not this bad.
Slimer, out in the hall, please.
[machine buzzing]
There's definitely
spectral activity in here
and it's not Slimer.
It's showtime!
Sammy?
[stammering] But you're a cartoon.
Yeah!
Not anymore, kiddo.
Now I'm for real. Ha-ha!
So are these.
[gasping] Don't hurt Sammy!
Slimer, move. He's a ghost.
But a very funny ghost.
Yeah, funny.
He's funny looking, I'll give him that.
And I'll give you this.
[all exclaiming]
[grunts]
I got him. I got him.
[horn hooting]
[screaming]
[exclaiming]
[sighs]
[both laughing]
[whistles]
All right, you little
Surprise!
Save it, ferret-face.
These cheap cartoon tricks don't
[Egon] Peter, duck!
[laughing hysterically]
[Sammy] Yo, Ray!
Oh, no you don't, Sammy.
I'm onto your whipped cream gag.
[laughing] Yeah, I love whipped cream.
Hey!
Hit the deck!
[crashing]
That's not whipped cream.
I was afraid of this.
The longer Sammy remains in our world
the more real, and more dangerous
his cartoon creations become.
But I don't get it.
Sammy used to be so funny.
Yeah, funny.
I'm afraid the fun's over, Ray.
Sammy is a deadly menace
to the entire city.
[Winston] No sign of
the little runt anywhere.
There's a million hiding places
in this town, we'll never find him.
On the contrary.
Sammy should be easy to locate.
We just have to follow his trail.
Shoo, scat, go away.
Yeah.
[dog whimpering]
Boing, boing, boing.
All right, this is humiliating enough.
Do you have to go "boing"?
[blowing raspberry]
[Ray] Unreal!
No, very real, Ray.
And it's spreading like an epidemic
wherever Sammy goes.
- [brakes squeal]
- [gasps]
[Winston] Oh, man, now what's the problem?
Hey, check out the traffic signals.
Yeah, I'm telling you,
it's my turn to be red.
No way, my turn.
I was green all yesterday
and I look lousy in green.
[laughs] Psychs!
I do such good work, don't I?
[Peter and Winston exclaim]
[grunts]
Gotta zip.
[groaning]
Man, do I hate that little spook!
[Ray] Guys!
Ray, what's going on?
II[screaming]
- [all gasping]
- [Slimer] Hey!
I'mI'm a toon.
[snorts]
Guys, look what Sammy did.
You gotta help me. [snorts]
I'm gonna get that little rat.
Not rat, ferret.
Poor piggy.
[whirring]
[air hissing]
Egon and I will catch up to ferret-face.
You guys stay with Ecto
till this traffic clears.
Just remember, Peter,
the clutch sometimes
[both screaming]
Whoa!
[engine roaring]
[blowing whistle]
We're obviously on the right track.
Sammy can't be too far away.
- Looking for me, kiddos?
- [honking]
[blowing whistle]
[laughing]
You better run, you little rat.
Not rat, ferret.
Now where'd he go?
I don't know,
but I have the distinct feeling
that we're getting nowhere fast.
[Sammy] Oh, right, you are.
[laughing hysterically]
Toast him, Egon.
Green light means go!
Egon, hang tight!
Whoops, red light.
[brakes squealing]
[both screaming]
[retching]
Right, that does it.
I'm gonna
Temper, temper.
[Egon and Peter screaming]
[Egon] Ouch!
I hate that little spook.
Hate him more than anything
in the whole world.
Come on, come on, move it.
[honking]
Official business here.
Yeah, official.
Hey, we haven't got all day.
Huh!
[exclaiming]
[Winston barks]
Oh, no!
I hate to admit it, Egon,
but that ferret's
making us look like a couple of jerks.
Easy, Peter, we'll catch him.
Yeah?
Well, we better do it soon
before our reputations go
totally to the dogs.
Did you get him? Tell me you got him.
And no fire hydrant jokes, Peter.
Fire hydrant jokes?
Winston, we wouldn't be so cruel.
Would we, Egon?
You're barking up the wrong tree, Winston.
[both laughing]
Very funny.
[Egon] It's clear that
chasing Sammy is futile.
He's not bound by
the same laws of physics that we are.
He's nearly uncatchable.
So what are our options?
We have to make him come to us.
Great. But how?
I know.
Sammy thinks he's the funniest
guy in the world, right?
So if somebody else were
to get more laughs,
I'll bet Sammy couldn't
resist the challenge.
[laughing and snorting]
Great idea.
He's come running and we'd nail him.
[barks]
But where do we find a comedian?
Well, it has to be
someone naturally funny.
Quick of mind and sharp of wit.
A master of comic timing.
[Ray] And there's only
one of us who fits that bill.
Oh, come on, knock it off,
you know I don't normally volunteer
but in this case
[Ray] Slimer!
Oh, shucks.
[laughing] I am kinda funny.
[crowd talking indistinctly]
OK, Peter, you're on.
[audience applauding]
Ladies and gentleman,
the moment you've all been waiting for.
Drumroll please.
Presenting the newest laugh sensation,
Funny Spud.
[drumroll stops]
[audience laughing]
[Peter laughing]
Hey, come on, you're killing me.
[audience hooting]
Baloney! He's not funny, I am funny.
- Surprise, Sammy!
- Huh
The jokes on you, cheese breath.
[laughing]
What the
They're going right through him.
Who cares, he's mine now.
[Sammy] Yikes! Later, kiddos. Gotta zing.
[screaming]
[laughing]
[groaning]
[audience cheering]
Not funny!
Actually, quite disturbing.
I have never been so humiliated.
[Egon] Hey, what's happening now?
[Ray] What's going on?
Winston, get us out of here now.
[barks] I mean, right.
[engine backfiring]
Hey, OK, now what's the most obvious thing
about Sammy? [snorts]
He's ugly and he's not funny.
He also craves attention.
So where would he go to get
the ultimate in attention?
Easy, The Lenny Jason Show.
Bingo. I'll bet that's
exactly where he went.
But even if we corner him there.
How do we catch him?
Although as a cartoon,
Sammy is immune to our throwers,
I'm convinced that
underneath the funny facade
he's simply an ego-driven ghost
who can be caught like any other ghost.
You're saying, if we get him mad enough
to show his true colors we can nail him.
Precisely.
The question is
how do we get him that mad.
[quaking]
Uh, we'll discuss how
on the way to The Lenny Jason Show.
[announcer] And now, here's Lenny.
And here's Sammy.
[audience cheering]
- Who is that creep?
- I don't know.
Ghostbusters!
This is an emergency. [quacking]
We need your cooperation. [snorts]
Oh, well, OK. [stuttering] I'll buy that.
All right, bud, take a hike.
No can do, Lenny baby.
Now I'm the star
and you are over the hill.
[exclaiming]
Down the tube, kiddo.
Yeah! I own this town. [laughing]
Yikes! Who's the genius with the lights?
You, ferret-face.
Is that your real laugh,
or did you just sit on a cork screw?
Who's there? Who said that?
Chill out, Sammy.
Hit it.
[Peter] Don't get all bent out of shape.
Hey, cut that out!
I'm a star!
Sure, sure.
Save it, Sammy.
We know a snow job when we see one.
[laughing]
That's not funny!
No? Then how about this?
[audience laughing]
[screaming]
[grunting]
Will the real Sammy K. Ferret
please stand up?
[growling]
Now!
[muttering]
[screaming]
I'm still the funniest. [laughing]
Oh, yes!
- Right, yeah!
- We did it!
Catch you on the reruns, kiddo.
[Egon] Man, it sure is nice having
everything back to normal.
Some of the after effects may linger a bit
but they'll eventually dissipate.
Swell. Wonderful. Oh, just terrific.
- [engine starting]
- [all screaming]
[all groaning]
[theme music playing]