This is Us (2016) s06e13 Episode Script
Day of the Wedding
1
Previously on This Is Us
My time with you is just
It's just been
the happiest time of my life.
What do you say we make it official? I am so, so happy for you.
Thank you.
And for you, too Philip.
Thank you.
- Come on.
Hey, no, I just need to know - Get out.
- If movie quotes or impressions - No.
- Are allowed.
That's all.
- Yes.
This is the last time I'm doing this, so go crazy, brother.
Guys, can we please eat our breakfast like normal human beings? Hey, I mean it.
You're not puppies.
Right on time, Ms.
Pearson.
Just like clockwork.
Come on, kids.
Hi, I'd like - Pound of ham.
- Hey, pound of ham.
Coming right up.
Thank you.
The usual? Actually, no.
Let's try something different.
All right.
I'm sorry, but I don't need my hair done today.
Wh Uh, honey.
Remember, we are going to Kate's wedding today.
And Kelly here is gonna style your hair.
But maybe not too glamorous, because we don't want to upstage Kate at her own wedding, now do we? What do you think? Yes, Kate's wedding.
Okay.
Okay.
I know, I know.
I'm getting dressed, but the wife wanted stockings.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I got him, it's all good.
Let's move, Nicky.
- Move.
- Loved the article, by the way.
- Hated the picture.
- Oh, you know I looked good, brother.
Yo.
Morning, Miguel.
Randall, wow.
You polish up real nice.
- Thank you, sir.
Appreciate it.
- Wow, look at that.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hi.
- You excited for the day? - Mm-hmm.
Now remember, after I finish with my reception toast, I'm gonna call you up to perform the song on the piano.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I'm excited.
I've never been more ready.
I love it, I love it.
Uh, folks are starting to head down for the wedding photos.
So, getting myself together.
I just can't wait for your father to get here.
- What's that? - Uh, Randall.
It's okay, it's just been a little bit of a slow morning.
Honey, you are looking amazing.
We're on the homestretch now, aren't we? Uh, don't forget, when, uh, you're done with your hair, we're gonna head downstairs to do pictures with Kate.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay? It's gonna be a lot of fun.
- Hmm.
- Okay? So Hey, uh, Randall? I-I wouldn't knock yourself out with all that medicine right now.
It's, uh, it's constantly changing, so I haven't seen that.
I guess with the swearing in and everything, I've missed some things.
Yeah, well, it's, um, it's been a rough month and the travel hasn't helped.
But everybody's on board with my plan to get the wedding photos knocked out early so that she has a nice, long break to relax before the ceremony.
There is something I'd like to ask you, though.
Yeah.
Are we sure about that part on the side of your head? - You gonna mock me? - I'm just Because The New Yorker says I'm a "rising star.
" So you should probably address me accordingly.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Rising Star.
I'm sorry, uh, Senator Pearson.
Apologies, Senator Pearson.
You're a damn fool, you know that? Yes.
Look how handsome you look, though.
Is that government-issued handsome? Just trying to keep up with you, big guy.
Oh, I like that.
- I love you, Ma.
- I love you.
All right, see you guys down there.
All right, see you there.
I want you to know that I see it now.
Knock, knock.
No, no, no.
Really? You and Kevin have serious boundary issues.
Get out.
You can't see Kate.
Come on, Big Phil.
No looky.
Ladies, this is my second trip down the aisle.
And you know what I learned the first time? That silly superstitions have zero bearing on the outcome of marriages.
So I'm gonna looky.
Okay? I'm gonna looky real good.
Fair enough.
Looky, looky.
Uhp, crap.
I have to dress the twins.
I'm gonna go with you.
- See you downstairs.
- Goodbye.
Here we go.
Here we go.
You don't mind me sneaking a peek at you - before the day starts? - Oh, hell no.
I mean, I'm Zen Kate.
I'm Second Wedding Kate.
I'm, like, the opposite of a bridezilla.
Like, I am cool with whatever this wedding throws at me.
- I'm cool.
- Mm.
Sounds precisely like something someone who's overcompensating would say.
What's up? Did you triple uh, quadruple-check that the sheet music is taped together? I don't want my mom to rifle through while she's performing.
- Yes.
- Okay.
I quadruple-checked.
All right? Listen, you've been working on this with her for a year.
She'll be fine.
Philip, "fine" doesn't cut it.
It doesn't cut it.
This This is a melody she's played us since we were kids.
This means a lot to her, and if something goes wrong, - she's going to be utterly devastated.
- Hey, listen to me.
She'll be fine, okay? Just breathe.
She'll be fine.
Yeah.
Yes.
She'll lock in once she finds her key.
There you go.
Kevin couldn't have dressed the twins - while we were getting ready? - I'm gonna leave him a penis doodle as punishment.
Oh, hold up.
What's this? "I would never leave you lost" in female handwriting.
Is this a love letter? Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Beth, look, a bra.
Ooh, and it's right next to some kind of floral wrap thingy.
Kevin.
It's like a frickin' crime scene in here.
Huh.
There's even makeup in the bathroom.
Oh, that's actually mine.
Kevin borrows my foundation sometimes.
We have the same skin tone.
Kevin is having a secret wedding weekend romance, and these are the clues.
It's like a true crime whodunit.
But with sex.
Who do you think he slept with last night? That's really good.
Uh, maybe we do, uh, just one without all the wine glasses.
Huh? Okay.
Yep.
Just like that.
It could be the wedding singer.
- Philip's friend.
- She was at the rehearsal last night.
- Mm-hmm.
- And they were talking.
You ain't slick, Kevin.
- You ain't slick, Kev - No.
- Don't do that.
- Hmm.
Wait.
Did you see that look Sophie just gave him? Did I see it? I felt it.
- They have crazy history together.
- Mm-hmm.
- Insane history.
- Mm-hmm.
But wait.
She's married.
- Oh, yeah.
That's not her M.
O.
- No.
Hello Ooh.
Then there's Cassidy, his plus-one.
- Right.
Just as a friend, though.
- Mm He sizzles, she sizzles, they're both single.
Let's keep our options open.
- This is gonna be fun.
- Yeah, it will.
- Oh, but hey, girl, hey, I'm just checking in.
- Hmm? You sure you're cool with figuring this out? I mean, you were gonna marry the guy.
You have seen his junk.
Beth.
It was a half decade ago.
I have five-year-old twins with the man and a nine-month-old with my husband.
I need this.
So let's find out who he banged.
Let's get our Agatha Christie on.
Okay, Pearsons.
Tuck in a little.
Come on.
Oh, you know what? I was thinking, we got to be really careful who Senator Pearson takes photos with.
So, Elijah, bud? No offense, - but are we sure you're not on any - Oh, boy.
You know, fugitive lists or anything like that? You know, as designated babysitter for the day, I just, I'm not gonna take any crap from the Manny.
- Ah.
- Ooh! All right, Senator Pearson, you better go get your security detail.
Elijah's getting aggressive.
Uh, my daughters are my detail, so I'm safe.
Okay, you're trusting Annie to stop a bullet? This is not Kevin Costner-level security.
She's really fast.
Very funny, Jack.
That's Kevin, Mom.
Dad hasn't been with us for a while, remember? - Uh, Randall - Why would you say that? No, no, no, no.
S - W-Why would you say that, Randall? Seriously.
- I'm right here.
I'm right here.
- I'm right here.
I'm right here.
- It's not true.
It's okay, I'm right here.
- I'm right here.
- I don't know why he would say that.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, Mom.
Okay, let's burn one on three.
One, two, three.
Great.
Oh, wow.
Look at these.
Look at these.
We are gonna sell these to help pay for college.
Hey.
You know, I can't remember the last time I saw you wearing a hat.
Um I may have done something kind of stupid.
Oh.
Wow.
Good wow or bad wow? It's different.
It's different.
I'm, uh I'm-I'm I'm getting my head - around it.
- Yeah? Yeah.
It's all right, Mom.
Hair grows back.
It's not all right.
I want old Mom back.
Argh! Walk the plank! Wh-What is this? What is he what is he doing? He's playing Captain Hook.
Because he thinks I look like Peter Pan.
Oh, my God.
He Uh, not funny, pal! You look at me.
Not funny.
No.
Give me this.
All three of you, dining table, right now.
We are gonna talk about how you speak to your mother.
Okay, so that just happened.
It's the new normal.
I'm aware.
- Still, it's - Yeah.
She's been calling Kev "Jack" on and off for the past couple days.
Probably just triggered by, you know, the shake-up in her routine, the wedding excitement.
Doctor says we're at the stage where you shouldn't correct her.
You know? Just-just roll with it, you try to distract her until the episode fades.
Still.
I know.
Maybe Mom shouldn't perform later.
It's a lot of pressure.
Yeah.
Maybe it's too much.
Mm.
Uh Sorry.
May I interject? Mm.
Music is good for the soul.
It's-it's been good for her memory, and, the doctors, they encourage her to do it.
It's also why we have the most bizarre wedding schedule of all time and why you'll be sitting in your dress for 12 hours like a bridal mannequin.
So that Rebecca gets all the downtime she needs.
Hey.
Once she finds her key, she'll lock in.
I'm gonna go check on her.
Yeah, I will come with you, if you don't mind.
Zen Kate.
Your mother can and will do this.
I have no idea if Rebecca can do this.
I mean, th-this unfettered hope that all will go well does not come naturally to an Englishman.
I mean, I-I'm gonna try my best to keep optimistic that it'll all be okay, because it will crush your sister if it doesn't.
Tell me, um, in the event that she gets up on that stage and starts to flounder, do you have any senatorial powers to call a citywide blackout? I do not.
Ah.
Worth a try.
"You sip your drink, deepen your breath.
" Oh, who writes love letters anymore? What, is Kevin's hookup a World War II pilot? Wait, this totally has the cadence of a poem.
"With just one glance, I'd take my chance.
" Yeah, a third grader's poem.
Yeah, it's not great.
Okay, then we have - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh.
- Hey, Kev.
- Hey.
What's up? Well, you look fresh and ready.
- Do I? - Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Relaxing night or not so much? Well, it was, you know Mm.
Yeah, well I went to bed so early I feel like I missed out on everything.
Anything, uh, interesting happen? You have no idea.
I feel like I need a nap.
Huh.
Oh.
- Hey, party people.
- Hey.
You know, this hotel has a sauna.
That's, like, really swanky, right? - Yeah, it is.
- So swanky.
Bet it gets pretty hot and steamy in there.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
It's getting kind of chilly.
Can I get my wrap from your room? I think I left it there last night.
The, like, floral wrap thing.
- Yeah.
Course.
- Thanks.
All right, now listen up.
There is no making fun of your mother.
If you don't have something nice to say about her new haircut, you don't say anything at all.
What about you, Jack? You haven't really said anything about it since you saw it.
I love it.
You look great.
Like a hotter Jamie Lee Curtis.
But why did she cut it? Well, Randall, uh I I wanted to try something more fashion-forward, okay? And I don't want to talk about it anymore.
What's wrong with Mommy? She looks like He-Man That's what's wrong with her.
Not funny.
- All right.
- Ah.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, okay.
- Look at that.
And Mm-hmm.
Hello! - Oh, come on.
What is that? - Oh! - There is no way.
- Oh, yeah.
Uh, what? Where'd that come from? - What? - Are you palming cards? Whoa! I'm a lover, Miguel, but those are fighting words.
- - I'm coming for you.
- Hey, Mom! - How you feeling? - Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, good, good, good, if Nicky here would just stop cheating.
- Oh! Et tu, Rebecca? - Honey, roll up your sleeves so we aren't tempted to think - that you're hiding something.
- Hey, just - Look, woman.
Look at this.
- Oh, he's definitely hiding something.
Right? Okay.
Well, uh Hey, should we talk about that reception performance? Oh, no, I-I think we have, uh We still have plenty of time before the ceremony.
And, clearly, this game is over and tainted.
Why don't we let Philip get his mind right for the nuptials and you and I can go and do our wine tasting that we've been talking about.
That way, we can replenish all the wine that Philip's family drank up last night.
Yeah, I don't know if now's the right time - for a wine tasting, Miguel.
- Sure, it is.
Come on.
I insist.
You go ahead, kiddo.
You just leave me with the ladies.
We're gonna play a new cheat-proof game.
Yeah.
Keep the optimism afloat.
With a little merlot.
Oh, no, if anybody orders any merlot, I'm leaving.
I am not drinking any frickin' merlot! You see the Sideways.
The movie.
It was Okay.
You know what, let's go.
Mmm.
- That is good.
- Mm.
It's one thing to understand these changes in Mom.
It's another thing to accept 'em.
And accept that even more are coming.
Hey, should we, um, try this older pinot next? - Mmm.
- All right.
Let's go with that.
Nice color.
What if she starts to think I'm William? Well, then let's toast to your mother not calling you William.
- Salud.
- Salud.
Mmm.
Oh, yeah.
I'm getting, um, - notes of tobacco.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, is that cherry cola? - I think so.
- Yeah.
It's nice.
Total Christmas notes.
There's a toasty fireplace, a-a fresh-cut wreath.
- It's - I mean, what if this is the beginning of an even bigger slide, man? - Okay, Randall, come on.
- Hmm.
- I mean, seriously.
- What? I just thought that we could both use a break from talking about Alzheimer's today.
That is why we are here.
- You're right.
- 'Kay? You're right, sir.
- I'll toast to that.
- All right.
- Salud.
- Salud.
Hey, Miguel, I hate to say it.
Um but every time we toast, man, I've noticed a little tremor there.
Come on, Randall.
Back up in the room earlier, I saw some blood pressure meds with your name on it.
Why don't we jump to the cabs next? I'm really excited about tasting their big boys.
Okay.
Um, supposedly, this water here is, uh, just amazing.
Thank you, you bed-hopping relic.
Okay.
Edie's right, Nicky.
You're definitely Sophia.
Thank you.
You mean the promiscuous one? No, the grumpy, old one.
Oh, Christ, I'm taking fire from all sides today.
Definitely something Sophia would say.
Well, that would make one of you broads the trollop.
- Oh-ho.
- EDIE: Oh, hush up.
Jack.
Hey.
There you are.
Come.
Sit.
We're watching Golden Girls The one where, uh, Blanche pops the balloon.
First husbands, then cute shoes.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Um, nothing.
I I don't know.
I just had a rough night last night.
Oh.
Well, why don't we go take a-a walk? You can tell me all about it.
Yeah.
You know, that'd be good.
Mm.
Okay.
We won't be too long.
You okay, kid? Yeah.
Okay.
- Shall we? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, babe.
It looks good.
Okay? It was just, uh an unexpected jolt.
The kids hate it.
Hey, if we're taking style tips from six-year-olds, we're screwed.
I hate it.
Then why'd you cut it? I'm-I'm on autopilot, Jack.
I can box the kids' lunches blindfolded.
The guys at the deli call me "Pound of Ham.
" They know I'm a mom I reek of mom.
God, I-I don't want to be Pound of Ham, Jack.
Please tell me I'm not just Pound of Ham.
Rebecca.
You are not Pound of Ham.
Okay? You want me to go down to the deli? You-you want me to go down - and straighten those idiots out? - No, Jack, no, I-I Sometimes I just get tired of our routine.
And I want to feel spontaneous, like we used to.
Come on, don't you ever feel like this? Honestly, I When I was a kid, and we sit down at dinner, we didn't know if my dad was gonna explode on us or not.
If mom was gonna be crying.
I mean, those two were just a high-wire act.
So I don't know, I mean, I-I I kind of find our routine to be a bit comforting.
- So I'm awful.
- You're not awful.
I don't want to lose myself and forget who I am.
I think I needed to make a change to remind myself that surprising things can still happen.
Give me a minute.
What's wrong, sweetie? Mom? Kev, talk to me.
I missed you at the bonfire.
Something happen last night? Um, well, you know, per usual, I find myself in a bit of a pickle.
I'm really struggling, you know? I feel like I'm lost, romantically.
You okay? Mom? He'll figure things out.
They just got married so young.
High school first love.
I think Kevin needs some time to figure things out with her.
Yeah.
Wait, are we toasting to Kevin and Cassidy? Or to our McNulty-level detective work? Oh, definitely our detective work.
Mm.
Speak of the devil.
- Hello.
- Hey! Oh, he's a good man.
Cassidy's a lucky girl.
- Yeah.
- Oh, Sophie.
We were just talking about you.
No, we weren't Did you get any sleep? A little, yeah.
You? Yeah.
We We'll see you at the wedding.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Okay, what the hell was that? Case un-closed.
Did Kevin sleep with Sophie and Cassidy? He is a terrible man.
Just awful.
- Trash.
- Mm.
You'd think the one Uber driver in this place would want a good review and actually help out.
Whoa! I got it, man.
Okay.
I see.
What? You didn't need to snoop through our pill bottles, Randall.
I wasn't snooping through, Miguel, I just stumbled upon it and I got concerned.
Reasonably so, might I add.
I got it.
No, I've got it.
You don't think I can handle a box, Randall? You know what I handle on a daily basis? Hmm? I didn't need you calling out my hand shaking.
Which is a harmless response to my medication, - which I am handling.
- Okay.
Do you know what I needed? I needed an hour.
To drink wine with someone.
I needed just one minute to feel like a human being.
I wanted to go with you.
Because you drink wine.
And you appreciate it, like I do.
I just needed a day, Randall.
Because it is moving fast now.
It is moving so fast that I have whiplash.
- What's moving fast? - All of it.
All of it.
It's just you and me.
It's not too late to call this off, Skeletor.
I think you just look like a really pretty boy, Mommy.
Thank you, sweetheart, thank you.
Very clever, you muscle-bound I did a thing.
What did you do? You look like Magnum P.
I.
You look weird, Dad.
I kind of like it.
You know, I've always wondered if I can pull one of these off.
I am wondering the same thing.
Well, a very wise woman once told me it doesn't hurt to shake things up from time to time.
Hey, I called the sitter.
What do you say we get these new versions of ourselves dolled up and take 'em out for a spin? Let the rug rats eat the meatloaf.
- On a Wednesday? - On a Wednesday.
I can't tell if you look like a pizza delivery man or a porn star.
Baby, tonight, I can be both.
- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
What can I say? I love you, Kate Pearson, with every inch of my heart.
Which you single-handedly defrosted and resuscitated like an emergency room - physician - I think, uh I think you might have my notes.
Oh, dear.
Ah, yes! This makes more sense.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for gathering today.
We come together to celebrate Kate and Philip Admit it.
You hated me the first time we met.
And maybe I hated you a little bit, too.
So, no, this was not a "love at first sight" magical fairytale romance.
It was gritty.
- Flaws up front.
- Mm-hmm.
A Super Bowl ring only worthy of those willing to battle in the snow and in the mud.
I'll explain what a Super Bowl is later.
I give you this ring as a sign of my love.
And I give you this ring as a sign of my love.
And there you have it.
You may now kiss the bride.
Yeah! Now every pretty, pretty girl ♪ Want to live in his mind all the time ♪ He says I'm sitting next to my girl ♪ On the dock of the bay.
♪ Marriage.
Marriage is what brings us together today.
Marriage, the blessed arrangement.
That dream within a dream.
Oh, good Lord.
Haud yer wheesht! You're quite the loud bunch, aren't ya? Or maybe just off your trolleys.
Ah dinnae ken.
Right.
Guess I should've prepared something.
And that kills? And so, Philip, welcome to the family, my brother.
Sister.
I love you beyond measure.
Aw.
The two of you have been very smiley today.
And I dig that.
And, Philip, yours is very nice But my sister's My God, if it's not the same infectious smile that she had since we were little kids.
And I'm so happy that time hasn't changed that.
And I'm really glad that you broke it back out.
I've been thinking a lot today, um about time.
And how, when you're young Like when you're Jackie's age A year is like a fifth of your existence.
And so maybe when you're younger, time seems to move a little bit slower.
Summer vacation is a lifetime.
But the older we get, the faster time just seems to come at us.
All of us.
You know, the years just keep flying by, faster and faster.
It can give a guy whiplash, just thinking about it.
And so while I would love nothing more than to stay in this moment as long as humanly possible, to celebrate our favorite newlyweds sadly, I have yet to build a remote that pauses life.
Damn.
That doesn't mean there aren't still summer vacations to be enjoyed.
Still good conversations to be had.
And still love to be shared.
It just all happens much faster.
But, um in moments like this, when you're around all your favorite people celebrating a really special day time does slow down ever so much.
So I'm grateful to Kate and Philip for that.
And I'm filled with comfort, as I look around this room, knowing that all of you will be on this speeding train with me, slowing down for the occasional special stop.
All the way till the very end.
So, um cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Okay.
And now to drag us back from the dark abyss that I just pushed us all into.
Uh, it is my pleasure to introduce a very special performance.
So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the one, the only Mom.
The stage is all yours, Mom.
It took me a sec, but I am turning positive on the mustache.
Women dig a 'stache.
And men dig a woman who can pull off a hot, short haircut.
- Oh, thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
I think multiple men calling me Pound of Ham really threw me.
I love our routine.
I know.
Still good to shake things up from time to time though.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
You know something that Pound of Ham Rebecca - would never do? - Hmm? Strut over to that piano over there and rip it a new one.
Well Pound of Ham Rebecca's dead.
Oh, okay.
I want you to know that if your mother is unable to perform, I've arranged for me and the band to immediately start playing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On.
" - That's right, me on lead vocal.
- Mm-hmm.
Going full Titanic.
All right, it's gonna be a catastrophe of such epic proportions that no one's really gonna remember anything else about this wedding.
- I love you very much.
- Yeah.
It's good to hear, you know? Considering.
They say time will tell ♪ But I think it likes ♪ To keep secrets ♪ So we'll wait and see ♪ But it's just as well ♪ The years can be counted ♪ In seconds ♪ That's fine with me ♪ 'Cause I get this morning ♪ With you ♪ Forever now ♪ It all ♪ Hits me at once ♪ Forever now ♪ If there's a right way ♪ To say it ♪ I'm still learning how ♪ And maybe all that we have ♪ Is a forever now ♪ I've been looking for words ♪ For feelings that shouldn't ♪ Get spoken ♪ It's something I do ♪ I'm starting to learn ♪ Some silences shouldn't be ♪ Broken ♪ Just listened to ♪ I get this moment ♪ With you ♪ Forever now ♪ It all ♪ Hits me at once ♪ Forever now ♪ If there's a right way ♪ To say it ♪ I'm still learning how ♪ All that we have ♪ Is a forever now.
♪ You're still gonna make me sing Celine, aren't you? Yes.
Listen, you really are a god for tracking these kids all day.
I wouldn't have been upset with you if you'd lost, like, - one of them.
- Yeah, well, thanks, man.
Just let me know when my shift's over, so I can take all the edibles.
What gives? You guys have been looking at weird me all day.
- Have we? - Uh-huh.
Have you been dishing any weird looks? - Not I.
Have you? - No, no.
- No weird looks over here.
- No clue what you're talking about.
Huh.
Hey, um, can I steal you for a second? Sure.
Excuse me.
Okay, so, um about last night, I am not usually It's the wedding singer.
We should've known it was the wedding singer.
It's always the damn wedding singer.
Always the wedding singer.
Well, my friends, the time has come ♪ Raise the roof and have some fun ♪ Throw away ♪ The work to be done ♪ Let the music play on, play on, play on ♪ All night long, all night ♪ I loved your speech.
It was equal parts sexy - and depressing.
- Well, that's my sweet spot.
So, yes.
- All night long, oh, yeah ♪ - All night ♪ All night ♪ Mom is sick.
People dancing all in the street ♪ Miguel's getting old.
See the rhythm all in their feet ♪ I can see where it's all heading now.
And it's all headed there so fast.
All night long ♪ What are you supposed to do with that? Only thing you can do, baby.
You dance.
Everyone you meet, dancing in the street ♪ - All night long ♪ - All night ♪ Oh, yes, all night long ♪ All night long ♪ All night, all night ♪ - Yo.
- Hey.
So, for real, bro.
What happened with you last night? Aw, man, it's a long story.
Is it a good story? - All night ♪ - All night ♪ - All night, all night ♪ - All night ♪ - All night, all night ♪ - All night, all night long ♪ All night, all night ♪ - I don't know yet.
- All night long.
♪
What do you say we make it official? I am so, so happy for you.
Thank you.
And for you, too Philip.
Thank you.
- Come on.
Hey, no, I just need to know - Get out.
- If movie quotes or impressions - No.
- Are allowed.
That's all.
- Yes.
This is the last time I'm doing this, so go crazy, brother.
Guys, can we please eat our breakfast like normal human beings? Hey, I mean it.
You're not puppies.
Right on time, Ms.
Pearson.
Just like clockwork.
Come on, kids.
Hi, I'd like - Pound of ham.
- Hey, pound of ham.
Coming right up.
Thank you.
The usual? Actually, no.
Let's try something different.
All right.
I'm sorry, but I don't need my hair done today.
Wh Uh, honey.
Remember, we are going to Kate's wedding today.
And Kelly here is gonna style your hair.
But maybe not too glamorous, because we don't want to upstage Kate at her own wedding, now do we? What do you think? Yes, Kate's wedding.
Okay.
Okay.
I know, I know.
I'm getting dressed, but the wife wanted stockings.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I got him, it's all good.
Let's move, Nicky.
- Move.
- Loved the article, by the way.
- Hated the picture.
- Oh, you know I looked good, brother.
Yo.
Morning, Miguel.
Randall, wow.
You polish up real nice.
- Thank you, sir.
Appreciate it.
- Wow, look at that.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hi.
- You excited for the day? - Mm-hmm.
Now remember, after I finish with my reception toast, I'm gonna call you up to perform the song on the piano.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I'm excited.
I've never been more ready.
I love it, I love it.
Uh, folks are starting to head down for the wedding photos.
So, getting myself together.
I just can't wait for your father to get here.
- What's that? - Uh, Randall.
It's okay, it's just been a little bit of a slow morning.
Honey, you are looking amazing.
We're on the homestretch now, aren't we? Uh, don't forget, when, uh, you're done with your hair, we're gonna head downstairs to do pictures with Kate.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay? It's gonna be a lot of fun.
- Hmm.
- Okay? So Hey, uh, Randall? I-I wouldn't knock yourself out with all that medicine right now.
It's, uh, it's constantly changing, so I haven't seen that.
I guess with the swearing in and everything, I've missed some things.
Yeah, well, it's, um, it's been a rough month and the travel hasn't helped.
But everybody's on board with my plan to get the wedding photos knocked out early so that she has a nice, long break to relax before the ceremony.
There is something I'd like to ask you, though.
Yeah.
Are we sure about that part on the side of your head? - You gonna mock me? - I'm just Because The New Yorker says I'm a "rising star.
" So you should probably address me accordingly.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Rising Star.
I'm sorry, uh, Senator Pearson.
Apologies, Senator Pearson.
You're a damn fool, you know that? Yes.
Look how handsome you look, though.
Is that government-issued handsome? Just trying to keep up with you, big guy.
Oh, I like that.
- I love you, Ma.
- I love you.
All right, see you guys down there.
All right, see you there.
I want you to know that I see it now.
Knock, knock.
No, no, no.
Really? You and Kevin have serious boundary issues.
Get out.
You can't see Kate.
Come on, Big Phil.
No looky.
Ladies, this is my second trip down the aisle.
And you know what I learned the first time? That silly superstitions have zero bearing on the outcome of marriages.
So I'm gonna looky.
Okay? I'm gonna looky real good.
Fair enough.
Looky, looky.
Uhp, crap.
I have to dress the twins.
I'm gonna go with you.
- See you downstairs.
- Goodbye.
Here we go.
Here we go.
You don't mind me sneaking a peek at you - before the day starts? - Oh, hell no.
I mean, I'm Zen Kate.
I'm Second Wedding Kate.
I'm, like, the opposite of a bridezilla.
Like, I am cool with whatever this wedding throws at me.
- I'm cool.
- Mm.
Sounds precisely like something someone who's overcompensating would say.
What's up? Did you triple uh, quadruple-check that the sheet music is taped together? I don't want my mom to rifle through while she's performing.
- Yes.
- Okay.
I quadruple-checked.
All right? Listen, you've been working on this with her for a year.
She'll be fine.
Philip, "fine" doesn't cut it.
It doesn't cut it.
This This is a melody she's played us since we were kids.
This means a lot to her, and if something goes wrong, - she's going to be utterly devastated.
- Hey, listen to me.
She'll be fine, okay? Just breathe.
She'll be fine.
Yeah.
Yes.
She'll lock in once she finds her key.
There you go.
Kevin couldn't have dressed the twins - while we were getting ready? - I'm gonna leave him a penis doodle as punishment.
Oh, hold up.
What's this? "I would never leave you lost" in female handwriting.
Is this a love letter? Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Beth, look, a bra.
Ooh, and it's right next to some kind of floral wrap thingy.
Kevin.
It's like a frickin' crime scene in here.
Huh.
There's even makeup in the bathroom.
Oh, that's actually mine.
Kevin borrows my foundation sometimes.
We have the same skin tone.
Kevin is having a secret wedding weekend romance, and these are the clues.
It's like a true crime whodunit.
But with sex.
Who do you think he slept with last night? That's really good.
Uh, maybe we do, uh, just one without all the wine glasses.
Huh? Okay.
Yep.
Just like that.
It could be the wedding singer.
- Philip's friend.
- She was at the rehearsal last night.
- Mm-hmm.
- And they were talking.
You ain't slick, Kevin.
- You ain't slick, Kev - No.
- Don't do that.
- Hmm.
Wait.
Did you see that look Sophie just gave him? Did I see it? I felt it.
- They have crazy history together.
- Mm-hmm.
- Insane history.
- Mm-hmm.
But wait.
She's married.
- Oh, yeah.
That's not her M.
O.
- No.
Hello Ooh.
Then there's Cassidy, his plus-one.
- Right.
Just as a friend, though.
- Mm He sizzles, she sizzles, they're both single.
Let's keep our options open.
- This is gonna be fun.
- Yeah, it will.
- Oh, but hey, girl, hey, I'm just checking in.
- Hmm? You sure you're cool with figuring this out? I mean, you were gonna marry the guy.
You have seen his junk.
Beth.
It was a half decade ago.
I have five-year-old twins with the man and a nine-month-old with my husband.
I need this.
So let's find out who he banged.
Let's get our Agatha Christie on.
Okay, Pearsons.
Tuck in a little.
Come on.
Oh, you know what? I was thinking, we got to be really careful who Senator Pearson takes photos with.
So, Elijah, bud? No offense, - but are we sure you're not on any - Oh, boy.
You know, fugitive lists or anything like that? You know, as designated babysitter for the day, I just, I'm not gonna take any crap from the Manny.
- Ah.
- Ooh! All right, Senator Pearson, you better go get your security detail.
Elijah's getting aggressive.
Uh, my daughters are my detail, so I'm safe.
Okay, you're trusting Annie to stop a bullet? This is not Kevin Costner-level security.
She's really fast.
Very funny, Jack.
That's Kevin, Mom.
Dad hasn't been with us for a while, remember? - Uh, Randall - Why would you say that? No, no, no, no.
S - W-Why would you say that, Randall? Seriously.
- I'm right here.
I'm right here.
- I'm right here.
I'm right here.
- It's not true.
It's okay, I'm right here.
- I'm right here.
- I don't know why he would say that.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, Mom.
Okay, let's burn one on three.
One, two, three.
Great.
Oh, wow.
Look at these.
Look at these.
We are gonna sell these to help pay for college.
Hey.
You know, I can't remember the last time I saw you wearing a hat.
Um I may have done something kind of stupid.
Oh.
Wow.
Good wow or bad wow? It's different.
It's different.
I'm, uh I'm-I'm I'm getting my head - around it.
- Yeah? Yeah.
It's all right, Mom.
Hair grows back.
It's not all right.
I want old Mom back.
Argh! Walk the plank! Wh-What is this? What is he what is he doing? He's playing Captain Hook.
Because he thinks I look like Peter Pan.
Oh, my God.
He Uh, not funny, pal! You look at me.
Not funny.
No.
Give me this.
All three of you, dining table, right now.
We are gonna talk about how you speak to your mother.
Okay, so that just happened.
It's the new normal.
I'm aware.
- Still, it's - Yeah.
She's been calling Kev "Jack" on and off for the past couple days.
Probably just triggered by, you know, the shake-up in her routine, the wedding excitement.
Doctor says we're at the stage where you shouldn't correct her.
You know? Just-just roll with it, you try to distract her until the episode fades.
Still.
I know.
Maybe Mom shouldn't perform later.
It's a lot of pressure.
Yeah.
Maybe it's too much.
Mm.
Uh Sorry.
May I interject? Mm.
Music is good for the soul.
It's-it's been good for her memory, and, the doctors, they encourage her to do it.
It's also why we have the most bizarre wedding schedule of all time and why you'll be sitting in your dress for 12 hours like a bridal mannequin.
So that Rebecca gets all the downtime she needs.
Hey.
Once she finds her key, she'll lock in.
I'm gonna go check on her.
Yeah, I will come with you, if you don't mind.
Zen Kate.
Your mother can and will do this.
I have no idea if Rebecca can do this.
I mean, th-this unfettered hope that all will go well does not come naturally to an Englishman.
I mean, I-I'm gonna try my best to keep optimistic that it'll all be okay, because it will crush your sister if it doesn't.
Tell me, um, in the event that she gets up on that stage and starts to flounder, do you have any senatorial powers to call a citywide blackout? I do not.
Ah.
Worth a try.
"You sip your drink, deepen your breath.
" Oh, who writes love letters anymore? What, is Kevin's hookup a World War II pilot? Wait, this totally has the cadence of a poem.
"With just one glance, I'd take my chance.
" Yeah, a third grader's poem.
Yeah, it's not great.
Okay, then we have - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh.
- Hey, Kev.
- Hey.
What's up? Well, you look fresh and ready.
- Do I? - Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Relaxing night or not so much? Well, it was, you know Mm.
Yeah, well I went to bed so early I feel like I missed out on everything.
Anything, uh, interesting happen? You have no idea.
I feel like I need a nap.
Huh.
Oh.
- Hey, party people.
- Hey.
You know, this hotel has a sauna.
That's, like, really swanky, right? - Yeah, it is.
- So swanky.
Bet it gets pretty hot and steamy in there.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
It's getting kind of chilly.
Can I get my wrap from your room? I think I left it there last night.
The, like, floral wrap thing.
- Yeah.
Course.
- Thanks.
All right, now listen up.
There is no making fun of your mother.
If you don't have something nice to say about her new haircut, you don't say anything at all.
What about you, Jack? You haven't really said anything about it since you saw it.
I love it.
You look great.
Like a hotter Jamie Lee Curtis.
But why did she cut it? Well, Randall, uh I I wanted to try something more fashion-forward, okay? And I don't want to talk about it anymore.
What's wrong with Mommy? She looks like He-Man That's what's wrong with her.
Not funny.
- All right.
- Ah.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, okay.
- Look at that.
And Mm-hmm.
Hello! - Oh, come on.
What is that? - Oh! - There is no way.
- Oh, yeah.
Uh, what? Where'd that come from? - What? - Are you palming cards? Whoa! I'm a lover, Miguel, but those are fighting words.
- - I'm coming for you.
- Hey, Mom! - How you feeling? - Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, good, good, good, if Nicky here would just stop cheating.
- Oh! Et tu, Rebecca? - Honey, roll up your sleeves so we aren't tempted to think - that you're hiding something.
- Hey, just - Look, woman.
Look at this.
- Oh, he's definitely hiding something.
Right? Okay.
Well, uh Hey, should we talk about that reception performance? Oh, no, I-I think we have, uh We still have plenty of time before the ceremony.
And, clearly, this game is over and tainted.
Why don't we let Philip get his mind right for the nuptials and you and I can go and do our wine tasting that we've been talking about.
That way, we can replenish all the wine that Philip's family drank up last night.
Yeah, I don't know if now's the right time - for a wine tasting, Miguel.
- Sure, it is.
Come on.
I insist.
You go ahead, kiddo.
You just leave me with the ladies.
We're gonna play a new cheat-proof game.
Yeah.
Keep the optimism afloat.
With a little merlot.
Oh, no, if anybody orders any merlot, I'm leaving.
I am not drinking any frickin' merlot! You see the Sideways.
The movie.
It was Okay.
You know what, let's go.
Mmm.
- That is good.
- Mm.
It's one thing to understand these changes in Mom.
It's another thing to accept 'em.
And accept that even more are coming.
Hey, should we, um, try this older pinot next? - Mmm.
- All right.
Let's go with that.
Nice color.
What if she starts to think I'm William? Well, then let's toast to your mother not calling you William.
- Salud.
- Salud.
Mmm.
Oh, yeah.
I'm getting, um, - notes of tobacco.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, is that cherry cola? - I think so.
- Yeah.
It's nice.
Total Christmas notes.
There's a toasty fireplace, a-a fresh-cut wreath.
- It's - I mean, what if this is the beginning of an even bigger slide, man? - Okay, Randall, come on.
- Hmm.
- I mean, seriously.
- What? I just thought that we could both use a break from talking about Alzheimer's today.
That is why we are here.
- You're right.
- 'Kay? You're right, sir.
- I'll toast to that.
- All right.
- Salud.
- Salud.
Hey, Miguel, I hate to say it.
Um but every time we toast, man, I've noticed a little tremor there.
Come on, Randall.
Back up in the room earlier, I saw some blood pressure meds with your name on it.
Why don't we jump to the cabs next? I'm really excited about tasting their big boys.
Okay.
Um, supposedly, this water here is, uh, just amazing.
Thank you, you bed-hopping relic.
Okay.
Edie's right, Nicky.
You're definitely Sophia.
Thank you.
You mean the promiscuous one? No, the grumpy, old one.
Oh, Christ, I'm taking fire from all sides today.
Definitely something Sophia would say.
Well, that would make one of you broads the trollop.
- Oh-ho.
- EDIE: Oh, hush up.
Jack.
Hey.
There you are.
Come.
Sit.
We're watching Golden Girls The one where, uh, Blanche pops the balloon.
First husbands, then cute shoes.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Um, nothing.
I I don't know.
I just had a rough night last night.
Oh.
Well, why don't we go take a-a walk? You can tell me all about it.
Yeah.
You know, that'd be good.
Mm.
Okay.
We won't be too long.
You okay, kid? Yeah.
Okay.
- Shall we? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, babe.
It looks good.
Okay? It was just, uh an unexpected jolt.
The kids hate it.
Hey, if we're taking style tips from six-year-olds, we're screwed.
I hate it.
Then why'd you cut it? I'm-I'm on autopilot, Jack.
I can box the kids' lunches blindfolded.
The guys at the deli call me "Pound of Ham.
" They know I'm a mom I reek of mom.
God, I-I don't want to be Pound of Ham, Jack.
Please tell me I'm not just Pound of Ham.
Rebecca.
You are not Pound of Ham.
Okay? You want me to go down to the deli? You-you want me to go down - and straighten those idiots out? - No, Jack, no, I-I Sometimes I just get tired of our routine.
And I want to feel spontaneous, like we used to.
Come on, don't you ever feel like this? Honestly, I When I was a kid, and we sit down at dinner, we didn't know if my dad was gonna explode on us or not.
If mom was gonna be crying.
I mean, those two were just a high-wire act.
So I don't know, I mean, I-I I kind of find our routine to be a bit comforting.
- So I'm awful.
- You're not awful.
I don't want to lose myself and forget who I am.
I think I needed to make a change to remind myself that surprising things can still happen.
Give me a minute.
What's wrong, sweetie? Mom? Kev, talk to me.
I missed you at the bonfire.
Something happen last night? Um, well, you know, per usual, I find myself in a bit of a pickle.
I'm really struggling, you know? I feel like I'm lost, romantically.
You okay? Mom? He'll figure things out.
They just got married so young.
High school first love.
I think Kevin needs some time to figure things out with her.
Yeah.
Wait, are we toasting to Kevin and Cassidy? Or to our McNulty-level detective work? Oh, definitely our detective work.
Mm.
Speak of the devil.
- Hello.
- Hey! Oh, he's a good man.
Cassidy's a lucky girl.
- Yeah.
- Oh, Sophie.
We were just talking about you.
No, we weren't Did you get any sleep? A little, yeah.
You? Yeah.
We We'll see you at the wedding.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Okay, what the hell was that? Case un-closed.
Did Kevin sleep with Sophie and Cassidy? He is a terrible man.
Just awful.
- Trash.
- Mm.
You'd think the one Uber driver in this place would want a good review and actually help out.
Whoa! I got it, man.
Okay.
I see.
What? You didn't need to snoop through our pill bottles, Randall.
I wasn't snooping through, Miguel, I just stumbled upon it and I got concerned.
Reasonably so, might I add.
I got it.
No, I've got it.
You don't think I can handle a box, Randall? You know what I handle on a daily basis? Hmm? I didn't need you calling out my hand shaking.
Which is a harmless response to my medication, - which I am handling.
- Okay.
Do you know what I needed? I needed an hour.
To drink wine with someone.
I needed just one minute to feel like a human being.
I wanted to go with you.
Because you drink wine.
And you appreciate it, like I do.
I just needed a day, Randall.
Because it is moving fast now.
It is moving so fast that I have whiplash.
- What's moving fast? - All of it.
All of it.
It's just you and me.
It's not too late to call this off, Skeletor.
I think you just look like a really pretty boy, Mommy.
Thank you, sweetheart, thank you.
Very clever, you muscle-bound I did a thing.
What did you do? You look like Magnum P.
I.
You look weird, Dad.
I kind of like it.
You know, I've always wondered if I can pull one of these off.
I am wondering the same thing.
Well, a very wise woman once told me it doesn't hurt to shake things up from time to time.
Hey, I called the sitter.
What do you say we get these new versions of ourselves dolled up and take 'em out for a spin? Let the rug rats eat the meatloaf.
- On a Wednesday? - On a Wednesday.
I can't tell if you look like a pizza delivery man or a porn star.
Baby, tonight, I can be both.
- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
What can I say? I love you, Kate Pearson, with every inch of my heart.
Which you single-handedly defrosted and resuscitated like an emergency room - physician - I think, uh I think you might have my notes.
Oh, dear.
Ah, yes! This makes more sense.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for gathering today.
We come together to celebrate Kate and Philip Admit it.
You hated me the first time we met.
And maybe I hated you a little bit, too.
So, no, this was not a "love at first sight" magical fairytale romance.
It was gritty.
- Flaws up front.
- Mm-hmm.
A Super Bowl ring only worthy of those willing to battle in the snow and in the mud.
I'll explain what a Super Bowl is later.
I give you this ring as a sign of my love.
And I give you this ring as a sign of my love.
And there you have it.
You may now kiss the bride.
Yeah! Now every pretty, pretty girl ♪ Want to live in his mind all the time ♪ He says I'm sitting next to my girl ♪ On the dock of the bay.
♪ Marriage.
Marriage is what brings us together today.
Marriage, the blessed arrangement.
That dream within a dream.
Oh, good Lord.
Haud yer wheesht! You're quite the loud bunch, aren't ya? Or maybe just off your trolleys.
Ah dinnae ken.
Right.
Guess I should've prepared something.
And that kills? And so, Philip, welcome to the family, my brother.
Sister.
I love you beyond measure.
Aw.
The two of you have been very smiley today.
And I dig that.
And, Philip, yours is very nice But my sister's My God, if it's not the same infectious smile that she had since we were little kids.
And I'm so happy that time hasn't changed that.
And I'm really glad that you broke it back out.
I've been thinking a lot today, um about time.
And how, when you're young Like when you're Jackie's age A year is like a fifth of your existence.
And so maybe when you're younger, time seems to move a little bit slower.
Summer vacation is a lifetime.
But the older we get, the faster time just seems to come at us.
All of us.
You know, the years just keep flying by, faster and faster.
It can give a guy whiplash, just thinking about it.
And so while I would love nothing more than to stay in this moment as long as humanly possible, to celebrate our favorite newlyweds sadly, I have yet to build a remote that pauses life.
Damn.
That doesn't mean there aren't still summer vacations to be enjoyed.
Still good conversations to be had.
And still love to be shared.
It just all happens much faster.
But, um in moments like this, when you're around all your favorite people celebrating a really special day time does slow down ever so much.
So I'm grateful to Kate and Philip for that.
And I'm filled with comfort, as I look around this room, knowing that all of you will be on this speeding train with me, slowing down for the occasional special stop.
All the way till the very end.
So, um cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Okay.
And now to drag us back from the dark abyss that I just pushed us all into.
Uh, it is my pleasure to introduce a very special performance.
So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the one, the only Mom.
The stage is all yours, Mom.
It took me a sec, but I am turning positive on the mustache.
Women dig a 'stache.
And men dig a woman who can pull off a hot, short haircut.
- Oh, thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
I think multiple men calling me Pound of Ham really threw me.
I love our routine.
I know.
Still good to shake things up from time to time though.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
You know something that Pound of Ham Rebecca - would never do? - Hmm? Strut over to that piano over there and rip it a new one.
Well Pound of Ham Rebecca's dead.
Oh, okay.
I want you to know that if your mother is unable to perform, I've arranged for me and the band to immediately start playing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On.
" - That's right, me on lead vocal.
- Mm-hmm.
Going full Titanic.
All right, it's gonna be a catastrophe of such epic proportions that no one's really gonna remember anything else about this wedding.
- I love you very much.
- Yeah.
It's good to hear, you know? Considering.
They say time will tell ♪ But I think it likes ♪ To keep secrets ♪ So we'll wait and see ♪ But it's just as well ♪ The years can be counted ♪ In seconds ♪ That's fine with me ♪ 'Cause I get this morning ♪ With you ♪ Forever now ♪ It all ♪ Hits me at once ♪ Forever now ♪ If there's a right way ♪ To say it ♪ I'm still learning how ♪ And maybe all that we have ♪ Is a forever now ♪ I've been looking for words ♪ For feelings that shouldn't ♪ Get spoken ♪ It's something I do ♪ I'm starting to learn ♪ Some silences shouldn't be ♪ Broken ♪ Just listened to ♪ I get this moment ♪ With you ♪ Forever now ♪ It all ♪ Hits me at once ♪ Forever now ♪ If there's a right way ♪ To say it ♪ I'm still learning how ♪ All that we have ♪ Is a forever now.
♪ You're still gonna make me sing Celine, aren't you? Yes.
Listen, you really are a god for tracking these kids all day.
I wouldn't have been upset with you if you'd lost, like, - one of them.
- Yeah, well, thanks, man.
Just let me know when my shift's over, so I can take all the edibles.
What gives? You guys have been looking at weird me all day.
- Have we? - Uh-huh.
Have you been dishing any weird looks? - Not I.
Have you? - No, no.
- No weird looks over here.
- No clue what you're talking about.
Huh.
Hey, um, can I steal you for a second? Sure.
Excuse me.
Okay, so, um about last night, I am not usually It's the wedding singer.
We should've known it was the wedding singer.
It's always the damn wedding singer.
Always the wedding singer.
Well, my friends, the time has come ♪ Raise the roof and have some fun ♪ Throw away ♪ The work to be done ♪ Let the music play on, play on, play on ♪ All night long, all night ♪ I loved your speech.
It was equal parts sexy - and depressing.
- Well, that's my sweet spot.
So, yes.
- All night long, oh, yeah ♪ - All night ♪ All night ♪ Mom is sick.
People dancing all in the street ♪ Miguel's getting old.
See the rhythm all in their feet ♪ I can see where it's all heading now.
And it's all headed there so fast.
All night long ♪ What are you supposed to do with that? Only thing you can do, baby.
You dance.
Everyone you meet, dancing in the street ♪ - All night long ♪ - All night ♪ Oh, yes, all night long ♪ All night long ♪ All night, all night ♪ - Yo.
- Hey.
So, for real, bro.
What happened with you last night? Aw, man, it's a long story.
Is it a good story? - All night ♪ - All night ♪ - All night, all night ♪ - All night ♪ - All night, all night ♪ - All night, all night long ♪ All night, all night ♪ - I don't know yet.
- All night long.
♪