The Wonder Years s06e14 Episode Script

Around the nineteen-fifties, something weird happened to America.
There was a name for it.
The suburbs.
Each one had a school, a record store, and a name.
Like Park Ridge, or Ridgefield Park.
Or vice-versa.
It didn't matter if Main Street ran north-south, or east-west.
Somehow they were all the same.
In fact, there was only one thing that set one apart from the others.
Only one of themWas yours.
Chemical interaction.
If the solution turns blue, it's base By the middle of junior year, life at my school was becomingroutine.
Carefully, OK?Add twenty milligrams of reactantto the solution.
The teachers, the kids, the classesthey were all pretty predictable.
Did he say twenty milligrams? Most of them, anyway.
Yeah.
Why? Itjust doesn't sound like much.
Jeff Billings, the new kid in school.
You know, maybe we should try fifty.
Fifty? Yeah, you know, I mean, we're both scientists, aren't we? When it came to unpredictable - this guy had the lock.
- Sofifty - Yeah, or, you know We could put the whole thing in.
You only live once.
Right? Here goes nothin' - I can't believe you just did that.
- Me?! It was you're idea.
Never! Come on In the short time I'd known the kid, I'd learned this about him - he had brainsA sense of humor Pardon me, sir.
Watch you step, young man.
He had Y- Yes, sir.
And thank you for bringing that to my attention, sir.
Attitude.
- Very nice.
- I do my best Yep, in a way, the guy had it all.
Including a girlfriend I'd never met.
Julie McDermott, the legendary goddess from another town.
- How is she? - Who? Oh, Julieshe's great.
You seen her lately? Ahnahbut we talked last week on the phone.
Whoa! What's that supposed to mean? Nothing - it's just how can you have a girlfriend a hundred-and-ten miles away? Yeah, you're right It's over.
And there you have it.
A man with an answer for everything.
- Hit my house this afternoon? - Yeah, sure.
So, make yourself at home.
Right.
If "home" was a two-bedroom, pool-side condo - with boxes.
So, I see you really fixed the place up.
Yeah, I think it's all coming together.
Aren't you ever gonna unpack? Nah, I like it like this sort of"early-American divorce settlement", you know - Hey, guys! - Hey.
Hi, Mrs.
Billings.
How was your day? A complete and total waste of time.
Oh! I thought you learned that yesterday Hey, did Dad call? WellyesBut he said he can't come in this week.
Oh.
Sure No problem.
So, you want to play some ball or something? I know I have a mitt around here somewhere Listen, Jeff, since your dad's not coming in this week, you want to do somethin'? Like what? We can double, or somethin'.
- Can't.
- Why not? I told you - I already got a girl.
So you gonna help me find this glove or not? Sure! After all, no skin off my nose.
When it came to life's problems, Jeff had his And I had mine.
Make sure you get all the leaves and mud outta there.
Yeah, yeah The Arnold residence.
No pooljust - gutters.
Dad, haven't we done enough work for today? Yeah.
Can't we knock off for a couple of months? Just keep working.
To my dad, his house was his fortress.
His children - his slaves.
Oops! Heh-heh-heh.
I don't believe it.
What are we gonna do now? WeGo down to the hardware store, and pick up some new fasteners.
Wait a minute.
Did he say -? Me? Why me? Nuh-uh, don't look at me! I work all day.
You're the one who broke it in the first place.
Kevin, you're 16 years old.
It's time you had some reponsibilites.
But - You got until next weekend - you think you could fit it in your schedule? - Fine.
- Thank you.
Still, my father just didn't understand.
I had better things to do than shop for gutters.
I had my own lifemy own friends.
Kevin! My own girlfriend.
this is Ann Sheer.
She's new in school.
My old girlfriend's new girlfriend.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, how do you like it so far? Oh, fine.
I'll see you guys in a bit.
She's cute, isn't she.
I guess so.
She's funny.
She's also a little lonely.
uh-oh.
I knew where this was heading.
Maybe we could fix her up with somebody.
There it was.
"We" again.
Winnie, don't do this.
I hate fixing people up - it never works out, and it always ends up being my fault.
Besides, I don't know anyone who needs a date.
Hey, you guys!What's happenin'? Oh, no.
No - forget it! After all, the guy had a girl.
No way he was gonna - Hi! I'm back.
- Hi - Hi Ann, this is Jeff.
Jeff, this is - Welcome to the monkey-house.
You read Vonnegut? Oh, surewhen-whenever I can.
Did you read "Slaughterhouse Five"? Yeah, Billy Pilgrim and Montana Wildhack She and Billy were so much in love.
Yeah, but he time-travelled.
But they keptcoming back together.
It was kinda like being in the middle of a furnace.
But then Um, yeah - I gotta get going.
Huh? I just got some stuff to doAnyway, it was nice talking to you.
UhI gotta get a drink of water.
Nice Yeah, she was cute, ya know So you gonna ask her out or not? Kevin, I told you I've already got a girl.
And after hearing that about eight-hundred times, it finally seemed clear.
Unless, you know, i-it wasn't like, like aa date, you know, I meanif it were something more likeI don't know - Unofficial - Yeah, unofficial.
Unofficial - I knew just the place.
Peter Pan's Putt-Putt.
The miniature-golf capital of suburbia.
It was hip, it was happeningit was cheap.
Jeff! Yep, you couldn't get anymore unofficial than this.
- Hi - Hi And there was only one thing to say.
So, uh, I guess I'll keep score, OK? Sure So we entered the wonderful world ofGolf.
Now, golf was a game of skill.
A game that required finesse Gracecoordination.
And of course - Accuracy.
Maybe you should just pick it up.
What - and take the penalty?! Forget about it.
It became obvious that while my form needed work Ann and Jeff seemed to have theirs down just right.
So why'd you move out here? My dad got transferred.
How about you? Divorce.
Hnnnn.
For awhile I thought my folks were going to get divorced.
I mean, they never talk to each other or anything.
I know what you mean.
I'm never going to be like them.
Me neither.
It was like watching "Romeo and Juliet".
Fore! I think you're supposed to put it in the hole.
By the eighteenth hole, two things were clear.
One, the unofficial date was a rousing success.
And twoGolf was for idiots.
There.
So! Anybody for another round? No! Yeah, you're right.
There's no sense in fooling with perfection.
Uh, I should actually get home.
WhJeff - it's only 9 o'clock Actually, ya know, I live a few blocks from here, so I'llso I'll walk.
But i-it was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Bye.
Just like thatRomeo took a powder.
Hey, Jeff - wait a minute! What just happened back there? Welllet's seeI shot a sixty, and you got abouta hundred-and-eighty.
.
Jeff, will you knock it off! I don't get it.
I mean, you two were hitting it off.
But of course, I should have known.
I told you Kevin, I already got a girl And there it was.
The same old song.
By the next morning, the disaster on the eighteenth hole was history.
- Almost.
- Hi! Hi.
Hey, Kevin.
I dont know whyBut I felt like I had to apologize for Jeff's behavior.
Listen, uh, about last night It's OK.
I thought about it, and Jeff's really not my type.
Well Yeahof course I'll see you guys later.
Translation - he'd broken her heart.
I really feel bad.
I mean, I feel like it'skinda my fault, or something.
It probably was.
What?! Well, you fixed them up! I knew it! Seeya.
It didn't seem fair.
I was taking all the heat, for a guy Ahwe seem to be missing Mr.
Billings today.
Who wasn't even around.
Mr.
Arnold, I'll assign you a new lab partner today - try not to blow him up.
That afternoon, I headed for Jeff's.
I figured maybe he was sick, or dead.
Ormaybe something in-between.
Hey! So why'd you skip school today? I don't know, I just had some things to think about.
Oh I saw Ann.
Shesay anything interesting? I didn't know what to tell the guy.
Well, you know.
I talked to my dad this morning.
Oh, yeah? How'd that go? Not good.
Bad connection.
You want to talk about any of this? OK.
And finally, we were gonna break through all the wisecracks, and glibness.
Well, ya know, I was thinking, uh.
.
your golf game needs work.
Maybe if you should try using a bigger ballya know what I'm sayin' I don't know a tennis ball, or a bowling ballor - I don't believe this! What is it with you?.
.
Is everything a joke to you? What do you mean? I mean, you have an answer for everything - butyou never try and fit in! What are you - Ann Landers? What?! There's a proper way to do thisa proper way to do that I mean, it's really none of your business.
OK, if the guy wanted to keep it to himself - Fine with me.
- Yeah, wellforget it! - Hey! - What? You knowFor your information, I didn't ask to move here.
I didn't ask to have all my stuff put in a moving van, and come to some new place, andand meet new people and "fit in"! My family was back thereand nobody asked me! So that's it? You're just gonna to sit thereBy yourself? Oh, man, you don't know anything.
Just leave, will ya? Terrific.
Hey, I didn't have to stay there and be yelled at.
What do you mean you didn't get the fasterners yet? I could be yelled at, at home.
It's Saturday! How we gonna fix the gutters? Well, I'm sorry, Dad - I forgot! I didn't do it on purpose I want you to get dressed, go to the store, and get 'em, right now! OK, Dad.
Fine.
It was nice talkin' to ya.
And don't forget this time.
And there you had it.
Banished to the mall.
Oh, hey! What are you doing here? Well, um I kinda need a ride.
I need to get back to my hometown.
Well, forget it - I'm busy.
Well, sure, yeah - that's OK I meanyou can just give me the keys to your car, ya know.
and I'll take it from there NahI've seen you drive.
I'll take ya So I forgot about the gutters, and drove the hundred-and-ten miles to Jeff's old town.
I couldn't say why.
All I knew was - the guy asked me, and I couldn't say no.
Hang a right, here.
The funny thing was, his town looked almost exactly the same as mine.
See this park over here? One time, this guy named Tommy Burns drank three six-packs and puked for four hours, straight.
They out to declare it a historical landmark.
Yeah, there was a petition.
This town had historyIt had tradition.
- Good soda, yeah? - Yeah! It had soda.
But the fact was, I still had no idea why we were here.
Julie Jeff Hi.
My, God - I had to see you.
So h-h-how is everything? I mean It's about the same, I mean well the kids are the same - and the teachers Yeah How are things at your school? Well, you know, it'sit's kinda tough when you're the coolest guy there, you know.
And suddenly I understood why he'd come - to get back something he was losing.
I, uh, finished reading the book of Vonnegut short stories.
Oh, you did? D-d-did you like 'em? Yeah.
I loved the one where the business-man lets the deer go free.
It made me cry.
Yeah Uh, listen, Julie I- I-I wanted to write you a letter, but-but, uhI came here, because, uh I know Uh, I-I couldn't do this any longer.
I know I met somebody else.
But-but-but sh-she'll never replace you, you know.
I met someone, too.
Y- Y-You did? But I think about you all the time.
Me too God, I hate this.
Yeah, me too.
And I guess that's when I knew.
He hadn't come to here to hold on I, uhguess I better get going Yeah.
He'd cometo let go.
When you're sixteen, you have no real control over your life.
It can be turned upside-down and inside-out in a moments notice.
- Stop here - What? Right-right here.
This is my old house.
My dad sold it about a month ago.
Hey! You guys happen to see a glove around here? It's a-a "Brooks Robinson"Ya know, the webbing's kinda shotand, and Well, nice try, anyway, huh? Yeah.
This was a great house.
Yeah.
Maybe there are times, after all the wisecracks and jokes When everybody has to come clean.
I think my dad's never coming back.
Hey! We found it Oh, heythanks alot Hey, look, I really appreciate this.
You're welcome.
So where are we going next? Home.
Sowe went home.
That day, I thought about a lot of things, like hometowns, like family The shortcomings, the flaws Where the hell have you been?! And where are those damn fasteners?! The arguments.
You leave here six hours ago, and you come back with nothin'.
What's the matter with you - where's your head?! I love you, Dad! Still, in the world of inconsistency and doubt Maybe home is what you make it.
Like I said, most suburbs were about the same.
Sure, some may have been a little bigger And some may be have been a little greener - I'll meet ya later.
- Yeah, sure.
There was only one real difference.
- How ya doing? - I'm doin' good! Hey, I was wondering maybe you want to do something Friday night Only one of themwas yours.
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