Garfield and Friends (1988) s06e15 Episode Script

(Narrator) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
(Garfield) We're. (Crowd) We're.
(Garfield) Ready. (Crowd) Ready.
(Garfield) To. (Crowd) To.
(Garfield) Party!
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪
Samba, la bamba, ay caramba
Disguises, disguises, surprises, surprises ♪
And pies of, and pies of, all sizes ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Garfield and friends
And keep watching or we'll have to change
into a shopping network and sell bad jewelry.
(downbeat music)
He's lazy and rude, he eats all the food ♪
He watches the TV all day
So why is he so dreamy to me? ♪
I can't say
When we have a date, he's usually late ♪
And he expects me to pay
So why is he so dreamy to me? ♪
I can't say
Penelope, dear
Oh, Garfield, hun
Your Garfield is here
Let's go someplace that's fun ♪
Are you in for a treat
Let's go dancing tonight
First I'll take you to eat
Yeah, I figured you might
Then we'll go for a walk
Can we find a new spot?
And we'll have a nice talk
Where the music is hot
Then beneath the full moon
Some place trendy or chic
I will sing you a tune
Like you do every week
Say, since you live in this restaurant,
why should we go eat somewhere else?
(Penelope) We always eat here.
Penelope, the girl for me
The pizzeria where you live is heavenly ♪
As long as you reside there, all the food I want is free ♪
Oh, you're the girl for me
Garfield, can't we go dancing or do some--
What is that?
(upbeat rock music)
Hello, baby!
Woo!
Come here, kitty!
I got something to tell you, baby!
Uh-huh!
Penelope, I set you free
I'd like to take you dancing up til half past three ♪
'Cause I'm a dancing cat, woo ♪
Any fool can plainly see
Yeah, baby
I'm a dancing cat so won't you come and dance with me? ♪
Yeah, woo
Now here my plea, Penelope
Can't you see I come to you on bended knee? ♪
I'm a dancing cat with just a shred of dignity ♪
Not much, baby
But I'm a dancing cat
So won't you come and dance with me, woo ♪
I could dance real cool, I dance and walk ♪
If we're caught in a desert
I could dance up a storm
I can dance it slow or dance it fast ♪
If I'm trapped in a mine I'll dance up a blast ♪
So it must be, Penelope
We'll make a perfect couple if you just agree ♪
I'm a dancing cat, baby
And I make no apology, not one, honey, not one ♪
I'm a dancing cat
So won't you come and dance with me? ♪
(cheering)
(Penelope) Yay!
His singing's a bore, can't listen to more ♪
I wanna get out there and play ♪
So why should I put up with him? ♪
I can't stay
Penelope, the girl for me
My song has so much love it's like a symphony ♪
So what is it that's causing you ♪
To wanna run and flee
Oh, please come back to me
Penelope, wait!
Oh Garfield, you
Weren't we out on a date?
Can't you see that we're through ♪
Give a reason at least
This I cannot forgive
I just got you a feast
In the place where I live
I've tried everything
This has forced me to choose
Don't you like how I sing
How you sing is a snooze
What's he have that I don't?
Let me send you a list
I just know that you won't
I just cannot resist
Wop bop baloola boola bip bam boom ♪
We'll have a rocking wedding
As a dancing bride and groom
This ditty, Miss Kitty, is just for you ♪
Yeah, you're even better than cat nip ♪
Or canned chop kidney stew
Woo!
Come here, Miss Kitty!
Well alright!
I won't miss her smile or her face ♪
Won't see her when I look any place ♪
I'll just forget her
Pretend I never met her
I'll just walk away
Let her stay with Mr. Rock and Roll ♪
I'll just take a solitary stroll ♪
I won't miss her chatter
I'll just get fatter
I'll walk away
Wait a sec, I'm starting not to find ♪
I can't get her off my mind
Now that I review it
I guess I blew it
How can I undo it?
There must be a way!
Hey!
(upbeat music)
Well I got myself a big toupee ♪
A brand new suit of gold lamé ♪
And I curled my lip like I gotta sneeze ♪
Move around like ga ga please ♪
My gal will always be my baby ♪
Oh, Garfield!
And I got myself a cool guitar ♪
And in a flash I was a star
People came from miles away
Just to hear me sing and play ♪
My gal, your gal, will always be, will always be ♪
My baby
Now other guys may start to sing ♪
And get themselves applause
But I will tell you just one thing ♪
Don't you step on my blue suede paws ♪
Now I'm the king of rock and roll ♪
When you sing I lose control
People dress and sing like me ♪
But for all eternity, my gal
Will always be my baby
My gal, your gal, will always be my baby ♪
I love you, Garfield!
(Garfield) Hey, don't drudge the suit, babe.
It's a rental.
'Scuse me, baby, I gotta go pose for a stamp.
(cheering)
Be your baby
(downbeat music)
(sniffing)
(wheezing)
(sneezing)
(upbeat music)
And now, here's your last question, Wade Duck.
Remember, this is for the car, the trip
to (mumbling), the microwave oven,
the refrigerator and a whole case of car wax.
Are you ready?
Ready as I'll ever be.
Alright, in the year 999 AD, Eric the Red
established the first viking colony in Greenland.
For the entire prize package,
what did he feed his kitty cat?
Hurry, time is ticking away.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tock.
Mixed grill?
Buzz, I'm sorry, the correct answer
was chopped llama.
I'm sorry you missed out on the big prize
but we do have a nice parting gift for you.
You do?
Yes, what do we have for him, Johnny?
It's a rock!
(slow applause)
This rock is over two million years old
and it's all yours for playing You Can't Win!
(organ music)
Just take it, it has a million uses.
Uh huh, well I can only think of one right now, you know.
Now may we have our next contestant, Johnny.
She's a sheep and she comes to us
all the way from behind the silo.
Her hobbies are doing laundry and contradicting people.
Say hello to Lanolin Lamb!
(organ music)
Okay Lanolin, let's get started.
Here's your first question.
Alright.
In the entire republic of Venezuela,
there is only one dry cleaner run by a man named Al.
What is his address?
Uh.
Buzz, I'm sorry.
The correct answer was 1422 Playa Del Sol.
Oh, why didn't you start with an easy one?
On this show that is an easy one.
Oh hi, Wade, where'd you get the rock?
I won it on Roy's game show.
Oh, you got the big prize.
You're not going on his show?
No, no one can possible win anything
with those questions so why bother?
I'd rather read my book.
It's a science fiction book about a guy
who can read peoples minds
and know what they were thinking.
Wouldn't that be neat?
Yeah.
Well here, have a rock.
Maybe you can find a use for it, I can't.
Bye.
It was then that he heard the eerie sound again.
What's that?
It's a flying saucer!
And it's real!
I didn't dream that up!
Hello there.
My name is Orson.
What's your name?
Melvin.
Melvin?
Uh huh, my mother's name was Melvin.
Oh, well, I'm sorry.
What brings you to Earth, Melvin?
I am seeking a granular igneous composition
of silicate and or other bi-terminus substances.
Ah, could you give me that in a simpler form?
I need a rock.
Ah, here is what I seek!
May I have this?
Sure, it's all yours.
You need it as a sample of our Earth minerals?
No, I just need a paperweight.
What would you like in return for this?
Well, I--
I know, you wish the power to read minds.
How did you know?
I have the power to read minds.
Figures.
Here, this will enable you with that power.
Hey, this is great!
Bye Melvin!
Hey, I wonder if it works.
If I could really read minds.
Well I know a good way to put it to the test.
Abraham Lincoln was born in the year 1809.
What color was his baby blanket?
Well I don't know!
Blue?
Buzz, I'm sorry.
It was a green and orange blend with a teal blue border.
(organ music)
Well how was I supposed to know that?
How's anyone supposed to--
I'm sorry but that's how we play the game
here at You Can't Win.
Thanks for stopping by.
Don't I get a consolation prize?
I'm all out of rocks.
We have time for one more contestant.
Who's it gonna be, Johnny?
He's a pig and his hobbies are reading books
and wallowing in mud!
A nice You Can't Win welcome for Orson Pig!
(organ music)
Orson Pig, you know how the game is played
so let's get right to it.
In the year 1762, Catherine the Great
became czarina of Russia.
A cheese omelet.
What did she have for Christmas dinner that year,
that's right, a cheese omelet.
(clapping)
MALE: Wow, you're something, Ors.
Alright, let's try a tougher one.
Here we go.
2,219,790.71.
What is the exact square acreage
of Yellowstone National
That's correct.
Alright, last question.
This is for the car, the trip, the microwave
and a whole bunch of other junk.
Joe DiMaggio, 1947.
You win.
(cheering)
(organ music)
Oh shut up!
This never happened to Pat Sajak.
Oh thank you, thank you!
Orson, are--
No, I'm not really gonna keep Roy's car
or any of the other prizes.
I just wanted to teach him not to run a crooked game show.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna give back the refrigerator too.
Oh, I was just--
What do you mean I could stand to lose a few pounds?
Well man, you could.
But how'd you know I was thinking--
Orson, calm down.
Oh, you think I'm bossy
and that I give everybody else orders
and then I spend all day reading books, huh?
Well you do sometimes but I didn't say--
No, but I know what you're thinking
and I know what you're thinking too!
Well, I'm not thinking anything.
Oh yes you are, you're thinking
that I'm, that I'm
That I'm your friend and you're worried
why I'm acting like this.
Yeah, yeah, that's sort of some
of what I was thinking, yeah.
And that no matter how I act I'm still your friend
and I always will be.
And you, you're all thinking the same thing.
Excuse me, guys, I gotta go throw something away.
Gee, what do you think that was all about?
Beats me.
I got a hunch that somebody
learned something he realized he, like,
be better off not thinking about, man.
I guess we don't wanna hear everything
that's on other folks minds.
Melvin, did you really give an earthling one
of the mind reading amulets?
That is affirmative, mother Melvin.
Do you think he's smart enough to know
what to do with it?
Let me check.
Yep, he knew exactly what to do with it.
Fine.
Say, what is that?
It is a rock.
What does it do?
(Melvin) It stops things from blowing off my desk.
(Mother Melvin) What will they think of next?
(Melvin) Delicious tasting Elvis stamps.
(upbeat music)
It is a beautiful day out there
and the sun is shining.
This is the kind of day you ought to get outside
and enjoy the world.
(Garfield) Ah, perfect.
Hi folks!
Madman Murray here to tell you
about all the bargains at Madman Murray's
Monday Morning Midnight Sale!
I'm giving stuff away!
Come on down to take advantage of a stupid person!
(Garfield) I've seen this.
I have no concept of the value of money!
People, people, people, attencion!
I'm Demented Dave and I'm selling stuff
so cheap you could die.
I'll be out of business in an hour.
Tick, tick, tick.
Come, come on!
Take something away before they take me away!
Taxi!
This is not what I had in mind
when I suggested you go outside.
(Garfield) This is outside.
'Scuse me, my popcorn's ready.
Okay, that's it.
I have to go shopping.
Coming with me will get you out of the house for a while.
Step right in, folksies!
Bargains galore!
Stuff so cheap I'll practically pay you to take it!
A clock radio for six cents!
Kitchen sinks, two for a dollar.
How do I do it?
Why do I do it?
A washer dryer combo for 19 cents!
Oh, you have got a nerve, pal!
Building a crooked discount house
right across the street from my crooked discount house.
It's free enterprise, pal.
I can do whatever I want.
Hold on, here comes a customer.
(laughing)
Oh hi!
I'm giving stuff away!
(mumbling) over to Madman Murray's!
(mumbling)
(shouting)
Hey, listen, Madman.
No, you listen, Demented.
This is my street.
Not anymore, pal.
I'm grabbing every customer that comes this way
and running you out of the business.
Oh yeah?
Well we'll just see about that.
(Garfield) Let's see, we need lasagna,
chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, cereal.
I wanna buy a t-shirt.
We'll stop here at Madman Murray's
and see if he has any.
(Garfield) John, you have to learn.
Never buy from recurring characters.
Madman Murray has a customer, hm.
I have to bait him away from there.
He has a cat.
Give me something that'll lure a cat over here.
Maybe a mouse?
It's a pretty fat cat.
Give me some lasagna.
(laughing)
You've come to take advantage of me!
Well go ahead, take anything at any price!
Take a TV, a VCR, a washer dryer combo!
Actually, I'd like a t-shirt.
A t-shirt?
(Garfield) John's gonna be lucky
to get out of here with his pants.
(sniffing)
I know that smell and I love it!
Gotcha!
Didn't get you but I will!
If you get the cat, the customer will follow.
(Garfield) Come back here, lasagna!
Boy I hate fast food.
(brakes screeching)
(horns honking)
Oh boy, this is a big one!
Hey, look, I got a catfish!
(laughing)
You get it, catfish?
Well, nevermind, they all can't be gems.
This refrigerator comes complete
with automatic ice straightener,
milk aging compartment, and built in butter crisper!
But I only wanted a t-shirt.
And a t-shirt, it comes with a t-shirt.
Where's my cat?
And a cat, it comes with a cat.
Whatever you want, it comes with whatever!
Hey, you can't leave!
You haven't bought anything yet!
Garfield, what are you doing over here?
(Garfield) You've seen me do this before.
It's a little thing I do called eating lasagna.
Welcome, welcome!
(laughing)
Demented Dave will find you the stereo system
of your dreams!
But I only wanted a t-shirt.
Come on.
The double (mumbling) circuit integrated,
decibel rated, neighbor deafening
Blaster 13 Sound System.
I can't repeat it again.
Guaranteed to cause a power failure
for six blocks in any direction!
Those are big speakers!
They won't even fit in my house.
With the Blasting 13, you don't put the speakers
in your house.
You ready?
You put your house in the speakers.
But I only wanted a t-shirt.
I don't want--
Let me demonstrate.
(loud rock music)
Do you like rock at all?
No, I don't want a stereo!
I want a t-shirt!
I can't hear you!
Would that be cash, check, or charge?
I said I don't want it!
(mumbling) I'll have it delivered to your house
and send you the bill!
The nerve.
Trying to sell this a guy an overpriced junky stereo
when I was about to sell him
an overpriced junky refrigerator.
Come on!
I have a steam powered freezer you'll love.
I just want a t-shirt.
Sure, you like golf?
Not in the market for a stereo?
Well fair enough.
I just got a new device that fastens a live cow,
you hear me, a cow to your ceiling!
Yeah, imagine!
Instead of milk baths, you can take showers!
This washing machine is part of a combo.
Where's the dryer?
Oh, that's much better.
Hey, that's my customer!
No, no, no, no, I saw him first!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw him second.
(Garfield) I'd better settle this
before they rip John in two pieces
and sell him at a half off sale.
He's buying from me!
No, he's buying from me!
I only wanted a t-shirt!
(whistle blowing)
What's that newspaper, cat?
Hey, hey, let me see that.
Companies finding success in mergers.
Joining forces saves expenses,
maximizes profits, hey, what about that?
Hey, you wanna team up, Madman?
If it makes us more money, Demented, why not?
They're soon to discover the world's most dangerous curse,
may you have partners.
Murray and Dave's Magnificent Discount Place.
I feel lucky.
I got out for under a thousand dollars.
Nice selling job, partner.
I'll do even better when I start
doing our new TV commercial.
(laughing)
What do you mean you're doing them?
I do the TV commercials.
Oh, no, no, no, contraire, you do not.
Oh, but I do!
(chattering)
Remind me, we gotta stop some place
on the way home so I can get a t-shirt.
(Garfield) You can't afford it.
(upbeat music)