Northern Exposure s06e15 Episode Script
The Quest
Hello! Hello! Hey! Hello! Hello! Fleischman.
Here's the thing, O'Connell, I need a favor.
Yes? I need a lift.
The Aleutians.
Bogoslof Island.
Bogoslof Island? Yeah.
Fleischman, there's nothing out there.
Oh, yeah, there is a lot out there.
There's this.
Come here.
I found the remains of an encampment from an expedition of a guy named La Perouse.
Well, this was there, preserved in the ice.
La who? French explorer, 1785.
Now, this is in Latin.
Probably written by his priest, 'cause I had two years of pre-med Latin and it's a map.
This shows the location of Keewaa Aani.
I'm going to find it.
Keewaa Aani is a myth.
Like Atlantis, the Fountain of Youth.
It doesn't exist.
This priest thought so.
He saw it.
Look at this! Look at this! The shimmering emerald towers.
Why don't you come with me? What do you say? Cotton swabs.
They sure keep those ENT boys in business.
Didn't your mother ever tell you never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear, Chris? That's funny.
Your elbow in your ear.
You got a good sense of humor.
It's just an old saw, Chris.
You've impacted some ear wax against the ear drum.
I'll just take a second and clean it out.
Okay, go for it.
You're a welcome change around here, Phil.
Oh? Yeah.
Joel, cold man.
Assembly line medicine.
Get them in, get them out.
But you got a good what do you call it? Bedside manner.
Hmm, I don't know, Joel seemed like a caring physician to me.
You're all done.
God, Fleischman, you know, if you want to search for the Ark of the Covenant, that's one thing, but, does it have to be on the dark side of the moon? Hey, you're not going to find a lost city in a Michelin Guide, now are you? Now look, judging by the map, it's going to take at least three days to reach what they call the Stone of Saint Sebastian.
The Stone of Saint Sebastian? Right.
Yeah, I hope I brought enough food.
Here you go.
Hmm.
Cheers.
Shelly, where's Holling? In the kitchen, snaking the drain.
May I have some Tabasco, please? Would you hold your horses, Owen, she'll be with you in a minute.
Come here.
Come here.
Hey, Holling.
Listen to this.
Michelle just got a fax on my machine at the office, you're not supposed to know this, but she's in a position to do both of you and this town a lot of good.
Alaskan Highways is doing an article on eateries in the tri-borough area.
They're doing La Fourchette in Sleetmute, Ali Baba's down in Cantwell, you and a couple of chop houses up and down the Alcan.
Well, Michelle has been hired to review The Brick.
Fresh.
I'm not telling you this to brighten your day, Shelly.
I'm telling you this because I want you to make use of it.
I want you to make sure she gets a decent meal.
Maurice, we always serve decent fare here.
Holling, if you get a couple of stars in Alaskan Highways, all those pioneer wannabe's in their rented Range Rovers will be burning rubber to get to The Brick.
That's good for you, it's good for the town.
Dr.
Capra? Yes.
Bernard Stevens.
You know my brother, Chris.
Chris? Chris Stevens? He's your brother? That's right.
Well, what can I do for you, Bernard? Well, I need to serve you with this complaint.
And notice of deposition.
See, I'm representing Chris.
He's suing you for malpractice.
What? Your clinical malfeasance has caused my client great pain and suffering.
What are you talking about? Well, specifically, dizziness, loss of balance, nausea, which in turn have led to the loss of consortium.
The ability to have sexual relations.
I think it's all there in the complaint.
I may not have crossed all the T's and dotted all the I's.
I'm an accountant by profession.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
The symptoms you're describing are inner ear related.
All I did was clear out some impacted wax.
Dr.
Capra, I really don't think you want to discuss this with me, because we're not just suing for compensation, we're asking for exemplary damages.
Good day.
I'm really glad you could join me, Marilyn.
It'll make for a better review if I can get a sampling of more than one entree.
Oh, I'm not hungry.
Oh, that's okay.
You don't have to finish, just so I can get a taste.
She's here.
Let's roll.
Get the appetizers ready.
Hey, guys, you don't want to sit at this little table, I got a bitching booth by the window.
Oh, well, this is fine, Shelly.
Oh, come on, you want to be comfy, don't you? Beat it, Hayden.
It's taken.
What? No, really, Shelly Oh, he doesn't mind.
Besides booths are for two or more.
Move it, now.
Okay.
Thanks, Hayden.
Yeah.
See.
Now you got room to stretch out.
Oh, bon appétit.
Hey, hi, how are you doing? Marilyn.
Michelle.
Some crudités.
Oh, that's country paté.
We didn't order any hors d'oeuvres, Holling.
Well, it seems that these come with all the meals now.
Let me tell you about our specials.
Grilled roughy with papaya salsa.
Entrecote of beef with shitake mushrooms.
Or our spa selections, skinless breast of chicken with cilantro and black beans.
I'll just let you ladies have a moment to make your decision.
They know.
So That's definitely an old woman.
The old woman Believes.
Or no, bows, yeah.
The old woman bows her head to the Stone of Saint Sebastian, which Will show you the way.
Yeah, that will show you the way.
Fleischman, listen to yourself.
The old woman, the Stone of Saint Sebastian.
What is this? The Holy Grail of King Arthur? Well.
You ever notice they just never tell you where to go? Turn left, turn right, if you hit the big rock, you've gone too far.
Yes, well, say what you will, but you know you wanted to come.
No, no, no, no, no, I came just to keep you from becoming a popsicle for some polar bear.
Wait a minute, are you telling me you're not the slightest bit curious? I mean, you don't get goose bumps thinking we might, I don't know, make some incredible discovery out here.
It would be like stumbling into King Tut's tomb or unearthing Pompeii.
Come on, you're not excited by that possibility at all.
What has happened to you? Hey, the old woman.
It's a tree, Fleischman.
Yeah, but you know these things are always described in metaphor.
That looks like an old woman to me.
That doesn't look like an old woman to you? Hey, I didn't think anybody lived out here? Hi.
We're looking for something called the Stone of Saint Sebastian.
Look, Fleischman, let's just not get involved, huh? Wait a second.
Hey, it's okay.
We're not here to give you any problems.
Does that hurt? Obviously I didn't break anything or he'd be in a lot of pain.
Look, listen, you okay.
You okay.
You know, I don't know anything about Japanese, but that sounds like name, rank and serial number to me.
I mean, look at all this stuff? Don't you think this guy could be a Japanese soldier? Well, it's definitely possible.
I mean, you know, they fought a lot of battles in the Aleutians, but Could be his company retreated and they left him behind.
Yeah, but God, 50 years, and not know the war is over.
You could certainly live around here for 50 years and never run into anybody.
Yeah, don't you think? Hey? Is that true? You a soldier? Bonsai? Yeah? I don't know.
Sushi looks good, though.
Yeah.
Sushi? Yeah.
Sushi, right.
I like sushi.
It's sashimi though, you know, technically, no rice.
Look at this.
"The Art of Japanese Management by Richard Pascale.
" Whoa, wait a minute.
What's going on? This is a couple of years old.
You understand me, don't you? This is English.
I just like to keep current.
You're not a Japanese soldier? Oh, yes, I was.
Spent six months in the Aleutians, back in '43, best time of my life.
I always wanted to come back here to retire.
Dressed in uniform? Say what you like about Hirohito, but nobody ever lost their shirt buying commercial property in Tokyo.
What, you're like a refugee from the Japanese recession? I was part owner of a building in Marunouchi.
Only 40% occupancy.
I tell you, I fought a lot of dragons in my day, demanding father-in-law, gum surgery.
But nothing like this inflated real estate market.
Well, it's certainly interesting.
Dragon.
I said, dragon.
You know, the ironic thing, my first name, Ryu, it means dragon.
Hey, Fleischman, he said his name was dragon.
Did you pick up on that? Yeah.
Well, remember how I mentioned the Holy Grail in King Arthur? There's always a dragon or a monster or some kind of Gorgon in that.
And the hero slays it, just like you did.
Symbolically, at least.
I think it's pushing it, you know, I punched a 75-year-old man in the stomach.
I know.
I said symbolically.
Anyway, I think what you did back there was heroic.
I was impressed.
Yes.
Thank you, but we'd really better push through that pass before night falls or we're in trouble.
Top of the morning, and greetings, Cicely.
This is Bernard Stevens, subbing for my brother Chris, whose current health problems prevent him from doing the job he loves so dearly.
I'm sure he would appreciate your cards and letters of support.
And for those of you who don't know what's going on, my brother Chris is suing Dr.
Philip Capra for malpractice.
Here at KBHR, we plan to keep you undated on any late breaking developments in the All right, you're off the air.
Maurice.
Personal injury suit, I can't believe you'd do this, Bernard.
I mean you're a Republican.
My brother was grievously wronged.
He damaged me, man.
Chris, I didn't do anything that could possibly have hurt you.
What? Thirty percent hearing loss in his left ear.
Chris, look, if you would just let me examine your ear No, no, keep that butcher away from me, huh, man? Sit in the chair, Chris.
Easy.
Loss of equilibrium is getting more severe.
This is not some overstuffed HMO that you're suing, here.
This is the borough of Arrowhead County.
That translates to Maurice Minnifield.
Loss of wages, vocational rehabilitation? These charges have got to come out of a deep pocket! Mine.
Well, not entirely.
Dr.
Capra's liable, too.
It's crap like this that's ruined the whole country.
A man gets an earache and he feels like he's got to sue somebody.
You're fired, Stevens.
You, too.
Get the hell out of my radio station.
I wouldn't, Maurice.
Why not? Unlawful termination.
I'd have to file a claim.
And you've already got enough headaches as it is.
Maurice? Maurice, aren't you going to do something? Did you hear about that woman who walked around the world? Took her three years.
I wonder how many pairs of shoes she went through? Is that a lodge? Out here? Well, maybe we can get a hot meal.
Wow! I wouldn't mind a massage.
What do you say? Very weird.
Let's go down.
Bernard slapped me with that complaint and all of a sudden I was back on the 405, traffic gridlocked, semi in front of me spewing diesel fumes, all the cellular phone circuits overloaded.
Michelle, it was like everything we wanted to get away from was back, screaming into my face.
Hmm.
The worst part was what it did to me, made me want to step on the accelerator and just ram the car in front of me.
I wanted to grab Chris by the throat and just Phil, I don't know about this work.
What do you think? What? My review of The Brick.
Listen, "The disingenuous papaya salsa had a consistency of lumpy cream of wheat, "but at its worst, "it still elevated the latex-like orange roughy hiding underneath.
" You're writing that about The Brick? It sounds negative, doesn't it? Negative? "The shotgun pellet my luncheon companion found in her entrecote "led me to believe the meat was not beef as advertised, "but some unfortunate local prey.
" Marilyn almost broke a tooth.
Michelle, you can't write this about The Brick.
I know Holling and Shelly might take it personally, but I can't lie.
I can't say the food was good.
Sure you can lie.
Why can't you lie? Phil! You know this is my first big assignment up here.
It could open up all kinds of possibilities.
I have to maintain my journalistic integrity.
Oh, Michelle, I'm already being sued.
You want to make sure everyone in town hates us? God.
I know, this is great.
I could really get used to this.
No phone, no digging out of the driveway, no 4:00 a.
m.
flights to Sitka.
Even you, Fleischman.
We haven't had an argument, do you realize that? In how many days? Hmm.
Fleischman? How many days have we been here? Three, I think.
What difference does it make? What happened to whatchamacallit? Keewaa Aani? No, wait? Fleischman, what about Keewaa Aani? The jeweled city of the North? I'm going to get us some more drinks.
You know, this is bad.
This is bad, Fleischman, hey.
Fleischman.
I used to love to fly in the morning.
You know, I could see the sun coming up? And, you, a week ago, all you could think about was finding Keewaa Aani, and now you're strung out on some shiatsu massage.
We have got to get out of here.
We gotta get out of here right now.
I don't wanna get out of here, okay? I like it here.
It's fun.
Well, yes, of course it's fun.
It's fun because we're wallowing around in this herbal-scented bliss.
But don't you see, maybe that's the problem? Dr.
Fleischman, time for your algae wrap.
No, no, no.
No, he doesn't want it.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Fleischman, listen.
Don't you remember the sirens? How they'd sing their beautiful songs and the sailors couldn't resist them and they'd crash their boats on the rocks and die.
What? I don't know, I don't know.
But look, this search, I feel like it's something you're supposed to do.
Okay? Come on.
While we're waiting for plaintiff's counsel, I'd like to make sure the defendant realizes that although this may appear to be an informal proceeding, this deposition carries the full force of a court of law.
My client has been so advised.
Sorry, we're late.
No wheelchair access.
Wheelchair? Oh, who is he trying to kid? He's too dizzy to stand.
Is there anything that we can do to make you more comfortable? I'm okay.
Dr.
Capra, would you please rise? Keep your answers brief, don't volunteer anything.
Right.
Raise your right hand.
Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you're about to give is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I do.
Be seated.
Counsel? Dr.
Capra, on the morning of January 4th, isn't it true that you attempted to clean impacted wax from he plaintiff's left ear drum, using what is commonly known as a curette? Yes, that's correct.
A very sharp instrument, which if used improperly, could perforate the eardrum? Well, I used it properly.
Just answer the question, please.
Well, yes, it's conceivable, yes.
Thereby possibly damaging the semicircular canal of the inner ear? Well, the odds of that happening are astronomical.
And such damage to these delicate organs which control the equilibrium, could account for the symptoms from which the plaintiff is suffering, is that correct? Theoretically, yes, but the point is Dr.
Capra, in the situation I just described, isn't it possible that even after the eardrum itself has healed, that the plaintiff's symptoms may continue, that they may indeed be permanent? Excuse me, could I say something, please? I have no further questions.
I'd like to say something.
Am I allowed to say something? You know, I'm thinking that maybe you got it right.
I mean, there's the dragons, the sirens, the sushi.
Now Sushi? Yeah, because in the traditional hero's journey paradigm, you slay the dragon, you get a boon, right? Yeah, but sushi? You know, when I was a kid, I used to I remember thinking that nothing was real.
I just, I remember, it, like, all felt like a movie set, you know, and if you turned your head fast enough, you'd catch God or something changing the scenery.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I still have that feeling.
It's like a sense that there's this whole other reality, you know.
That there's this real reality.
But we can't see it.
I guess that's why I became a doctor when I think about it.
That's why I went to medical school.
You know, to get some answers, maybe in the blood, the bones, the heart.
It didn't happen, though.
I still don't know what reality is.
So, then, how do we know what's possible and what isn't? I mean, maybe my whole life has been leading to this point.
Maybe I'll get my chance to look behind the curtain, or we will.
Hey, hey, there's a bridge.
Nice of somebody to build one out in the middle of nowhere.
Oh, locked.
It says it picks up on the other side.
Hey, there.
Hi.
What a lifesaver.
Hey.
Hey.
I didn't know how I was going to get across.
It's locked.
Locked? Who's got the key? Don't look at us.
Well, there's got to be somebody here.
Gatekeeper.
Yeah.
Hey, anybody in here? Hey, hello! We want to get across the bridge.
Hello? Anybody home? Hey, hey, hey! Dipstick.
Where do you get off making that racket? Hey, Adam! Adam! Adam, Maggie and Joel.
Look, I don't know what kind of hallucinogenic tubers you hopheads have been sucking on, but my name is not Adam, okay? It's Gustav, now get out of here.
Oh, come on.
Gustav? What are you talking about? Gustav? I'll tell you one thing, okay? CIA covert operations, it's already more than you need to know.
Now beat it.
Look, whatever your name is, we just want to get across the bridge.
Really? Is that a fact? I'll pay you some money, okay? So that's how it is, huh? You just throw money at a problem and it goes away, huh? Let me tell you something, pal, that don't cut it out here.
You want to cross this bridge, you're going to have to answer the riddle.
Oh, of course.
Is this a joke? I gotta answer a riddle to cross the bridge? You're going to have to conceptualize this, okay? We can think of it as a password.
Now, if you can't handle that, you can get the hell out of here, okay? Okay, okay, I'll answer the riddle.
All right, Quiz Show boy, here we go.
How do you keep the one you love? What? What kind of riddle is that? Look, this isn't brain surgery.
Just answer the riddle.
A dozen roses, a box of chocolates.
Scram! What? Vamonos.
Get out of here.
No, listen, I've got to get across the river.
Too-da-loo.
Don't get frostbite on your way out.
Write if you get pelts.
Okay.
Oh, you're still here.
Okay? How do you keep the one you love? You don't.
You don't? Love is selfless, non possessive.
If you truly love somebody, then you have no desire to possess them.
You don't keep them.
Well? You think you're going to find something out there, huh? It's not as easy as you think.
She's back.
I hear they often come back for a second meal.
Check on consistency.
Oh, God, what are we going to serve her? The lunch plate, what else? Pike and potato hash? You pop your gourd? That's what everybody else is eating.
Holling.
Shelly, we don't have to kowtow to this woman.
The Brick can stand on its own proud tradition of food service.
If that's the way you feel, then you stay in the kitchen.
Eugene, see what's in the freezer.
Hi, just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh? Drop in for a little bite? Actually I was jogging.
Just want an ice tea, thanks.
Corn chowder.
Not fancy, but good and warm.
Holling, she didn't order any soup.
Well, that's what she is going to get.
I'm really not hungry, guys.
Let me just put some parmesan on it.
It's fine just the way it is.
Try it.
You now, I was just running.
Is there a lot of cream in there? Double cream.
Go ahead.
Mmm.
A hair? What's that they say? Now everybody's going to want one.
This is yours.
No, it isn't.
Look at how dark it is.
Eugene, is this yours? You know I always wear a net when I make the soup.
Fine, I give up.
Just let her write whatever she wants.
I just want you to know, Michelle, Shelly is blameless in all of this.
If you have something bad that you want to say, you say it about Holling Vincoeur.
Crescentis, crescentis.
There's something, something The jeweled city lies at the back of It's growing, it's increasing.
Look, I don't know, you know I've been all over this island and there's nothing but rock.
Well, stew's ready.
Did you hear me? I have no idea what this should be.
Crescentis, I don't know.
We're dead in the water.
We're dead.
I hear you.
That's all.
No reproach, huh? No, "I told you so.
" "I knew this was gonna happen.
" No, "I can't believe you led me on a wild goose chase.
" Nothing like that.
I don't have any regrets, Fleischman.
I'm actually enjoying myself.
Enjoying yourself? We're in a pup tent on a barren island, and the wind chill's got to be at least 60 below.
Yeah.
Well, you figure it out.
I know what you mean.
Well, we've been through a lot together.
This trip? Or the past five years? You know, the whole thing.
You ever wonder why we met? What do you mean? I used to think of all the billions of people in the world.
And out of all those people, how was I going to meet the right ones, you know? Like, the right ones to be my friends, and the right one to be my husband.
And now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.
This offer isn't bad.
If you're willing to drop the lawsuit, Maurice is ready to pay $20,000 in damages.
And what's Capra kicking in? Nothing.
This is covered by the insurance company.
Nothing? What? No.
I want to go to court.
I want nail this guy to the wall.
Well, there's no guarantee a jury will find in our favor.
As long as I can make his life a living hell, that's all that counts.
Okay, we'll reject the offer.
Did you see his fat face at that deposition? Pale and drawn, fear and despair oozing out of every pore.
What a beautiful sight, huh? Chris, if you'll permit me.
This sounds a tad bit personal.
What do you mean, personal? Well, "Make his life a living hell.
"Fear and despair oozing from every pore.
" This has a hostile, vindictive quality about it.
As if you're out to destroy this man.
Really? Fleischman? Hey? Fleischman, wake up? Wake up.
Hey? Hey, what was that word? Word? Yeah, that thing that you were looking for on the map, what was it? Oh, crescentis.
Or I think it was crescentis, because the last few letters were smudged.
Why? Crescentis.
'Cause I just had the most vivid dream.
And in the dream I was in Paris with this guy that I used to be a student with at the Sorbonne, Jean-Marc.
And we were in this patisserie in the ninth arrondissement, and we were buying all this stuff for breakfast.
What are you talking about? Well, you said the guys who wrote the map were French, right? Yeah.
Well, doesn't crescentis sort of sound like croissant? You mean You're talking about a croissant? Yeah.
Get the map.
Yeah, now look, draw a croissant between the two marks.
Draw a croissant between the two marks.
No that's a brioche.
Oh, come on.
No, a croissant.
It's like a half moon.
Here, watch, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Like this.
There.
Whoa! Whoa! That's it.
X marks the spot.
Two long necks.
Coming up.
Holling, Shelly, Alaskan Highways.
Just came in.
Is the review in it? I didn't look.
Shelly, I'm sorry about the corn chowder.
It's okay.
It's just that hair.
Here it is.
"Borough Bistros.
" Charlie Wong's got a whole page.
Ali Baba's.
Tudor House, Barney's Hofbrau.
Where are we? We're not even in here.
Yes we are, down at the bottom.
The Brick.
Dinner fare, plus local game dishes.
Full bar.
Open seven days, That's it.
Well, can't argue with that.
Open seven days, Straight to the point.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Three Ativans.
This lawsuit is killing me.
I used to have such a romantic notion of journalism.
Hemingway, Dorothy Parker, The Round Table.
But you know the reality The reality is just so messy.
You mean The Brick review? Three pitiful lines.
Well, what could I do.
You're a good person.
You don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
Plus we live here.
If Shelly and Holling were to get really mad at me, well, there's no other place to eat lunch.
Hey, Phil? Chris.
Chris, get away from here, I'm warning you! Could you just open up? I just wanna talk.
Hey, I mean it.
Look, I dropped the lawsuit.
Could we just talk? You dropped the lawsuit? I'm sorry, you know.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't you, it was Dr.
Fleischman.
Joel? You know, he was my doctor.
He was my physician.
He was my friend, you know.
For five years, he saw me through my high blood pressure, my strep throat, nasal polyps.
It was one of the most intimate and personal relationships I ever had in my life.
He knew every cleft and every crevasse of my body, you know.
Yeah? And he left, you know, he split on me.
Then I lashed out at you and I got caught then, I'm sorry.
I miss him, you know, I really miss him.
Got you some treats.
Some pistachios and Laughing Cow cheese and most of a six pack.
I know it probably won't make up for everything.
Thanks, Chris.
I gotta go.
Good night.
Good night.
Behold the glory and the majesty.
You know, Fleischman, maybe their paces were a different size than yours.
I mean, after all, these were 18th century guys and they had small short legs.
Really, I was in this military museum in Paris and they had these old sets of armor, and those guys were tiny.
Fleischman? Oh, my God.
What? What do you see? What? The jeweled city.
Where? Look.
There's the Chrysler building.
The Empire State Building and the World Trade towers.
What are you talking about? Oh, my God, it's Manhattan.
I don't see a thing.
Look, right there.
Right there.
Right there.
Maybe I do see something.
Oh, God.
Is that the old Pan Am Building? We did it.
We found the jewel city of the North! No.
No, I bet it's just a reflection off the ice.
You know, the light can do really weird things up here.
Oh, come on, look, come here.
Look, look, look.
You see it, don't you? It's right there.
Okay.
Okay, I see something.
But New York? The jeweled city? I don't know, but there it is, let's go! Come on.
No.
What? New York City, the thing you dreamt about day and night for the past five years.
The one sustaining constant in your life.
Whatever that is, it's for you.
That's your place.
It's not mine.
I don't understand.
I want you to come with me.
Come on.
You know, I used to ask myself, I used to ask myself, when Fleischman leaves, if he asks me to go with him, will I? And I didn't know.
I know now.
This is my place.
This is my place, you know, this is where I belong.
You're really not gonna come with me? No.
I got to do this.
Fleischman, everything All I never said.
Me, too.
Good luck, Fleischman.
MazeI tov.
Goodbye.
Hello, Maggie.
Hi, Ruth-Anne.
I was in Cordova yesterday, so I picked up Lowell Grippo's bread maker.
Good, I'll see that he gets it.
Okay.
Oh, you have some mail.
Oh.
Thank you, I'll see you.
Here's the thing, O'Connell, I need a favor.
Yes? I need a lift.
The Aleutians.
Bogoslof Island.
Bogoslof Island? Yeah.
Fleischman, there's nothing out there.
Oh, yeah, there is a lot out there.
There's this.
Come here.
I found the remains of an encampment from an expedition of a guy named La Perouse.
Well, this was there, preserved in the ice.
La who? French explorer, 1785.
Now, this is in Latin.
Probably written by his priest, 'cause I had two years of pre-med Latin and it's a map.
This shows the location of Keewaa Aani.
I'm going to find it.
Keewaa Aani is a myth.
Like Atlantis, the Fountain of Youth.
It doesn't exist.
This priest thought so.
He saw it.
Look at this! Look at this! The shimmering emerald towers.
Why don't you come with me? What do you say? Cotton swabs.
They sure keep those ENT boys in business.
Didn't your mother ever tell you never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear, Chris? That's funny.
Your elbow in your ear.
You got a good sense of humor.
It's just an old saw, Chris.
You've impacted some ear wax against the ear drum.
I'll just take a second and clean it out.
Okay, go for it.
You're a welcome change around here, Phil.
Oh? Yeah.
Joel, cold man.
Assembly line medicine.
Get them in, get them out.
But you got a good what do you call it? Bedside manner.
Hmm, I don't know, Joel seemed like a caring physician to me.
You're all done.
God, Fleischman, you know, if you want to search for the Ark of the Covenant, that's one thing, but, does it have to be on the dark side of the moon? Hey, you're not going to find a lost city in a Michelin Guide, now are you? Now look, judging by the map, it's going to take at least three days to reach what they call the Stone of Saint Sebastian.
The Stone of Saint Sebastian? Right.
Yeah, I hope I brought enough food.
Here you go.
Hmm.
Cheers.
Shelly, where's Holling? In the kitchen, snaking the drain.
May I have some Tabasco, please? Would you hold your horses, Owen, she'll be with you in a minute.
Come here.
Come here.
Hey, Holling.
Listen to this.
Michelle just got a fax on my machine at the office, you're not supposed to know this, but she's in a position to do both of you and this town a lot of good.
Alaskan Highways is doing an article on eateries in the tri-borough area.
They're doing La Fourchette in Sleetmute, Ali Baba's down in Cantwell, you and a couple of chop houses up and down the Alcan.
Well, Michelle has been hired to review The Brick.
Fresh.
I'm not telling you this to brighten your day, Shelly.
I'm telling you this because I want you to make use of it.
I want you to make sure she gets a decent meal.
Maurice, we always serve decent fare here.
Holling, if you get a couple of stars in Alaskan Highways, all those pioneer wannabe's in their rented Range Rovers will be burning rubber to get to The Brick.
That's good for you, it's good for the town.
Dr.
Capra? Yes.
Bernard Stevens.
You know my brother, Chris.
Chris? Chris Stevens? He's your brother? That's right.
Well, what can I do for you, Bernard? Well, I need to serve you with this complaint.
And notice of deposition.
See, I'm representing Chris.
He's suing you for malpractice.
What? Your clinical malfeasance has caused my client great pain and suffering.
What are you talking about? Well, specifically, dizziness, loss of balance, nausea, which in turn have led to the loss of consortium.
The ability to have sexual relations.
I think it's all there in the complaint.
I may not have crossed all the T's and dotted all the I's.
I'm an accountant by profession.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
The symptoms you're describing are inner ear related.
All I did was clear out some impacted wax.
Dr.
Capra, I really don't think you want to discuss this with me, because we're not just suing for compensation, we're asking for exemplary damages.
Good day.
I'm really glad you could join me, Marilyn.
It'll make for a better review if I can get a sampling of more than one entree.
Oh, I'm not hungry.
Oh, that's okay.
You don't have to finish, just so I can get a taste.
She's here.
Let's roll.
Get the appetizers ready.
Hey, guys, you don't want to sit at this little table, I got a bitching booth by the window.
Oh, well, this is fine, Shelly.
Oh, come on, you want to be comfy, don't you? Beat it, Hayden.
It's taken.
What? No, really, Shelly Oh, he doesn't mind.
Besides booths are for two or more.
Move it, now.
Okay.
Thanks, Hayden.
Yeah.
See.
Now you got room to stretch out.
Oh, bon appétit.
Hey, hi, how are you doing? Marilyn.
Michelle.
Some crudités.
Oh, that's country paté.
We didn't order any hors d'oeuvres, Holling.
Well, it seems that these come with all the meals now.
Let me tell you about our specials.
Grilled roughy with papaya salsa.
Entrecote of beef with shitake mushrooms.
Or our spa selections, skinless breast of chicken with cilantro and black beans.
I'll just let you ladies have a moment to make your decision.
They know.
So That's definitely an old woman.
The old woman Believes.
Or no, bows, yeah.
The old woman bows her head to the Stone of Saint Sebastian, which Will show you the way.
Yeah, that will show you the way.
Fleischman, listen to yourself.
The old woman, the Stone of Saint Sebastian.
What is this? The Holy Grail of King Arthur? Well.
You ever notice they just never tell you where to go? Turn left, turn right, if you hit the big rock, you've gone too far.
Yes, well, say what you will, but you know you wanted to come.
No, no, no, no, no, I came just to keep you from becoming a popsicle for some polar bear.
Wait a minute, are you telling me you're not the slightest bit curious? I mean, you don't get goose bumps thinking we might, I don't know, make some incredible discovery out here.
It would be like stumbling into King Tut's tomb or unearthing Pompeii.
Come on, you're not excited by that possibility at all.
What has happened to you? Hey, the old woman.
It's a tree, Fleischman.
Yeah, but you know these things are always described in metaphor.
That looks like an old woman to me.
That doesn't look like an old woman to you? Hey, I didn't think anybody lived out here? Hi.
We're looking for something called the Stone of Saint Sebastian.
Look, Fleischman, let's just not get involved, huh? Wait a second.
Hey, it's okay.
We're not here to give you any problems.
Does that hurt? Obviously I didn't break anything or he'd be in a lot of pain.
Look, listen, you okay.
You okay.
You know, I don't know anything about Japanese, but that sounds like name, rank and serial number to me.
I mean, look at all this stuff? Don't you think this guy could be a Japanese soldier? Well, it's definitely possible.
I mean, you know, they fought a lot of battles in the Aleutians, but Could be his company retreated and they left him behind.
Yeah, but God, 50 years, and not know the war is over.
You could certainly live around here for 50 years and never run into anybody.
Yeah, don't you think? Hey? Is that true? You a soldier? Bonsai? Yeah? I don't know.
Sushi looks good, though.
Yeah.
Sushi? Yeah.
Sushi, right.
I like sushi.
It's sashimi though, you know, technically, no rice.
Look at this.
"The Art of Japanese Management by Richard Pascale.
" Whoa, wait a minute.
What's going on? This is a couple of years old.
You understand me, don't you? This is English.
I just like to keep current.
You're not a Japanese soldier? Oh, yes, I was.
Spent six months in the Aleutians, back in '43, best time of my life.
I always wanted to come back here to retire.
Dressed in uniform? Say what you like about Hirohito, but nobody ever lost their shirt buying commercial property in Tokyo.
What, you're like a refugee from the Japanese recession? I was part owner of a building in Marunouchi.
Only 40% occupancy.
I tell you, I fought a lot of dragons in my day, demanding father-in-law, gum surgery.
But nothing like this inflated real estate market.
Well, it's certainly interesting.
Dragon.
I said, dragon.
You know, the ironic thing, my first name, Ryu, it means dragon.
Hey, Fleischman, he said his name was dragon.
Did you pick up on that? Yeah.
Well, remember how I mentioned the Holy Grail in King Arthur? There's always a dragon or a monster or some kind of Gorgon in that.
And the hero slays it, just like you did.
Symbolically, at least.
I think it's pushing it, you know, I punched a 75-year-old man in the stomach.
I know.
I said symbolically.
Anyway, I think what you did back there was heroic.
I was impressed.
Yes.
Thank you, but we'd really better push through that pass before night falls or we're in trouble.
Top of the morning, and greetings, Cicely.
This is Bernard Stevens, subbing for my brother Chris, whose current health problems prevent him from doing the job he loves so dearly.
I'm sure he would appreciate your cards and letters of support.
And for those of you who don't know what's going on, my brother Chris is suing Dr.
Philip Capra for malpractice.
Here at KBHR, we plan to keep you undated on any late breaking developments in the All right, you're off the air.
Maurice.
Personal injury suit, I can't believe you'd do this, Bernard.
I mean you're a Republican.
My brother was grievously wronged.
He damaged me, man.
Chris, I didn't do anything that could possibly have hurt you.
What? Thirty percent hearing loss in his left ear.
Chris, look, if you would just let me examine your ear No, no, keep that butcher away from me, huh, man? Sit in the chair, Chris.
Easy.
Loss of equilibrium is getting more severe.
This is not some overstuffed HMO that you're suing, here.
This is the borough of Arrowhead County.
That translates to Maurice Minnifield.
Loss of wages, vocational rehabilitation? These charges have got to come out of a deep pocket! Mine.
Well, not entirely.
Dr.
Capra's liable, too.
It's crap like this that's ruined the whole country.
A man gets an earache and he feels like he's got to sue somebody.
You're fired, Stevens.
You, too.
Get the hell out of my radio station.
I wouldn't, Maurice.
Why not? Unlawful termination.
I'd have to file a claim.
And you've already got enough headaches as it is.
Maurice? Maurice, aren't you going to do something? Did you hear about that woman who walked around the world? Took her three years.
I wonder how many pairs of shoes she went through? Is that a lodge? Out here? Well, maybe we can get a hot meal.
Wow! I wouldn't mind a massage.
What do you say? Very weird.
Let's go down.
Bernard slapped me with that complaint and all of a sudden I was back on the 405, traffic gridlocked, semi in front of me spewing diesel fumes, all the cellular phone circuits overloaded.
Michelle, it was like everything we wanted to get away from was back, screaming into my face.
Hmm.
The worst part was what it did to me, made me want to step on the accelerator and just ram the car in front of me.
I wanted to grab Chris by the throat and just Phil, I don't know about this work.
What do you think? What? My review of The Brick.
Listen, "The disingenuous papaya salsa had a consistency of lumpy cream of wheat, "but at its worst, "it still elevated the latex-like orange roughy hiding underneath.
" You're writing that about The Brick? It sounds negative, doesn't it? Negative? "The shotgun pellet my luncheon companion found in her entrecote "led me to believe the meat was not beef as advertised, "but some unfortunate local prey.
" Marilyn almost broke a tooth.
Michelle, you can't write this about The Brick.
I know Holling and Shelly might take it personally, but I can't lie.
I can't say the food was good.
Sure you can lie.
Why can't you lie? Phil! You know this is my first big assignment up here.
It could open up all kinds of possibilities.
I have to maintain my journalistic integrity.
Oh, Michelle, I'm already being sued.
You want to make sure everyone in town hates us? God.
I know, this is great.
I could really get used to this.
No phone, no digging out of the driveway, no 4:00 a.
m.
flights to Sitka.
Even you, Fleischman.
We haven't had an argument, do you realize that? In how many days? Hmm.
Fleischman? How many days have we been here? Three, I think.
What difference does it make? What happened to whatchamacallit? Keewaa Aani? No, wait? Fleischman, what about Keewaa Aani? The jeweled city of the North? I'm going to get us some more drinks.
You know, this is bad.
This is bad, Fleischman, hey.
Fleischman.
I used to love to fly in the morning.
You know, I could see the sun coming up? And, you, a week ago, all you could think about was finding Keewaa Aani, and now you're strung out on some shiatsu massage.
We have got to get out of here.
We gotta get out of here right now.
I don't wanna get out of here, okay? I like it here.
It's fun.
Well, yes, of course it's fun.
It's fun because we're wallowing around in this herbal-scented bliss.
But don't you see, maybe that's the problem? Dr.
Fleischman, time for your algae wrap.
No, no, no.
No, he doesn't want it.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Fleischman, listen.
Don't you remember the sirens? How they'd sing their beautiful songs and the sailors couldn't resist them and they'd crash their boats on the rocks and die.
What? I don't know, I don't know.
But look, this search, I feel like it's something you're supposed to do.
Okay? Come on.
While we're waiting for plaintiff's counsel, I'd like to make sure the defendant realizes that although this may appear to be an informal proceeding, this deposition carries the full force of a court of law.
My client has been so advised.
Sorry, we're late.
No wheelchair access.
Wheelchair? Oh, who is he trying to kid? He's too dizzy to stand.
Is there anything that we can do to make you more comfortable? I'm okay.
Dr.
Capra, would you please rise? Keep your answers brief, don't volunteer anything.
Right.
Raise your right hand.
Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you're about to give is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I do.
Be seated.
Counsel? Dr.
Capra, on the morning of January 4th, isn't it true that you attempted to clean impacted wax from he plaintiff's left ear drum, using what is commonly known as a curette? Yes, that's correct.
A very sharp instrument, which if used improperly, could perforate the eardrum? Well, I used it properly.
Just answer the question, please.
Well, yes, it's conceivable, yes.
Thereby possibly damaging the semicircular canal of the inner ear? Well, the odds of that happening are astronomical.
And such damage to these delicate organs which control the equilibrium, could account for the symptoms from which the plaintiff is suffering, is that correct? Theoretically, yes, but the point is Dr.
Capra, in the situation I just described, isn't it possible that even after the eardrum itself has healed, that the plaintiff's symptoms may continue, that they may indeed be permanent? Excuse me, could I say something, please? I have no further questions.
I'd like to say something.
Am I allowed to say something? You know, I'm thinking that maybe you got it right.
I mean, there's the dragons, the sirens, the sushi.
Now Sushi? Yeah, because in the traditional hero's journey paradigm, you slay the dragon, you get a boon, right? Yeah, but sushi? You know, when I was a kid, I used to I remember thinking that nothing was real.
I just, I remember, it, like, all felt like a movie set, you know, and if you turned your head fast enough, you'd catch God or something changing the scenery.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I still have that feeling.
It's like a sense that there's this whole other reality, you know.
That there's this real reality.
But we can't see it.
I guess that's why I became a doctor when I think about it.
That's why I went to medical school.
You know, to get some answers, maybe in the blood, the bones, the heart.
It didn't happen, though.
I still don't know what reality is.
So, then, how do we know what's possible and what isn't? I mean, maybe my whole life has been leading to this point.
Maybe I'll get my chance to look behind the curtain, or we will.
Hey, hey, there's a bridge.
Nice of somebody to build one out in the middle of nowhere.
Oh, locked.
It says it picks up on the other side.
Hey, there.
Hi.
What a lifesaver.
Hey.
Hey.
I didn't know how I was going to get across.
It's locked.
Locked? Who's got the key? Don't look at us.
Well, there's got to be somebody here.
Gatekeeper.
Yeah.
Hey, anybody in here? Hey, hello! We want to get across the bridge.
Hello? Anybody home? Hey, hey, hey! Dipstick.
Where do you get off making that racket? Hey, Adam! Adam! Adam, Maggie and Joel.
Look, I don't know what kind of hallucinogenic tubers you hopheads have been sucking on, but my name is not Adam, okay? It's Gustav, now get out of here.
Oh, come on.
Gustav? What are you talking about? Gustav? I'll tell you one thing, okay? CIA covert operations, it's already more than you need to know.
Now beat it.
Look, whatever your name is, we just want to get across the bridge.
Really? Is that a fact? I'll pay you some money, okay? So that's how it is, huh? You just throw money at a problem and it goes away, huh? Let me tell you something, pal, that don't cut it out here.
You want to cross this bridge, you're going to have to answer the riddle.
Oh, of course.
Is this a joke? I gotta answer a riddle to cross the bridge? You're going to have to conceptualize this, okay? We can think of it as a password.
Now, if you can't handle that, you can get the hell out of here, okay? Okay, okay, I'll answer the riddle.
All right, Quiz Show boy, here we go.
How do you keep the one you love? What? What kind of riddle is that? Look, this isn't brain surgery.
Just answer the riddle.
A dozen roses, a box of chocolates.
Scram! What? Vamonos.
Get out of here.
No, listen, I've got to get across the river.
Too-da-loo.
Don't get frostbite on your way out.
Write if you get pelts.
Okay.
Oh, you're still here.
Okay? How do you keep the one you love? You don't.
You don't? Love is selfless, non possessive.
If you truly love somebody, then you have no desire to possess them.
You don't keep them.
Well? You think you're going to find something out there, huh? It's not as easy as you think.
She's back.
I hear they often come back for a second meal.
Check on consistency.
Oh, God, what are we going to serve her? The lunch plate, what else? Pike and potato hash? You pop your gourd? That's what everybody else is eating.
Holling.
Shelly, we don't have to kowtow to this woman.
The Brick can stand on its own proud tradition of food service.
If that's the way you feel, then you stay in the kitchen.
Eugene, see what's in the freezer.
Hi, just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh? Drop in for a little bite? Actually I was jogging.
Just want an ice tea, thanks.
Corn chowder.
Not fancy, but good and warm.
Holling, she didn't order any soup.
Well, that's what she is going to get.
I'm really not hungry, guys.
Let me just put some parmesan on it.
It's fine just the way it is.
Try it.
You now, I was just running.
Is there a lot of cream in there? Double cream.
Go ahead.
Mmm.
A hair? What's that they say? Now everybody's going to want one.
This is yours.
No, it isn't.
Look at how dark it is.
Eugene, is this yours? You know I always wear a net when I make the soup.
Fine, I give up.
Just let her write whatever she wants.
I just want you to know, Michelle, Shelly is blameless in all of this.
If you have something bad that you want to say, you say it about Holling Vincoeur.
Crescentis, crescentis.
There's something, something The jeweled city lies at the back of It's growing, it's increasing.
Look, I don't know, you know I've been all over this island and there's nothing but rock.
Well, stew's ready.
Did you hear me? I have no idea what this should be.
Crescentis, I don't know.
We're dead in the water.
We're dead.
I hear you.
That's all.
No reproach, huh? No, "I told you so.
" "I knew this was gonna happen.
" No, "I can't believe you led me on a wild goose chase.
" Nothing like that.
I don't have any regrets, Fleischman.
I'm actually enjoying myself.
Enjoying yourself? We're in a pup tent on a barren island, and the wind chill's got to be at least 60 below.
Yeah.
Well, you figure it out.
I know what you mean.
Well, we've been through a lot together.
This trip? Or the past five years? You know, the whole thing.
You ever wonder why we met? What do you mean? I used to think of all the billions of people in the world.
And out of all those people, how was I going to meet the right ones, you know? Like, the right ones to be my friends, and the right one to be my husband.
And now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.
This offer isn't bad.
If you're willing to drop the lawsuit, Maurice is ready to pay $20,000 in damages.
And what's Capra kicking in? Nothing.
This is covered by the insurance company.
Nothing? What? No.
I want to go to court.
I want nail this guy to the wall.
Well, there's no guarantee a jury will find in our favor.
As long as I can make his life a living hell, that's all that counts.
Okay, we'll reject the offer.
Did you see his fat face at that deposition? Pale and drawn, fear and despair oozing out of every pore.
What a beautiful sight, huh? Chris, if you'll permit me.
This sounds a tad bit personal.
What do you mean, personal? Well, "Make his life a living hell.
"Fear and despair oozing from every pore.
" This has a hostile, vindictive quality about it.
As if you're out to destroy this man.
Really? Fleischman? Hey? Fleischman, wake up? Wake up.
Hey? Hey, what was that word? Word? Yeah, that thing that you were looking for on the map, what was it? Oh, crescentis.
Or I think it was crescentis, because the last few letters were smudged.
Why? Crescentis.
'Cause I just had the most vivid dream.
And in the dream I was in Paris with this guy that I used to be a student with at the Sorbonne, Jean-Marc.
And we were in this patisserie in the ninth arrondissement, and we were buying all this stuff for breakfast.
What are you talking about? Well, you said the guys who wrote the map were French, right? Yeah.
Well, doesn't crescentis sort of sound like croissant? You mean You're talking about a croissant? Yeah.
Get the map.
Yeah, now look, draw a croissant between the two marks.
Draw a croissant between the two marks.
No that's a brioche.
Oh, come on.
No, a croissant.
It's like a half moon.
Here, watch, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Like this.
There.
Whoa! Whoa! That's it.
X marks the spot.
Two long necks.
Coming up.
Holling, Shelly, Alaskan Highways.
Just came in.
Is the review in it? I didn't look.
Shelly, I'm sorry about the corn chowder.
It's okay.
It's just that hair.
Here it is.
"Borough Bistros.
" Charlie Wong's got a whole page.
Ali Baba's.
Tudor House, Barney's Hofbrau.
Where are we? We're not even in here.
Yes we are, down at the bottom.
The Brick.
Dinner fare, plus local game dishes.
Full bar.
Open seven days, That's it.
Well, can't argue with that.
Open seven days, Straight to the point.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Three Ativans.
This lawsuit is killing me.
I used to have such a romantic notion of journalism.
Hemingway, Dorothy Parker, The Round Table.
But you know the reality The reality is just so messy.
You mean The Brick review? Three pitiful lines.
Well, what could I do.
You're a good person.
You don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
Plus we live here.
If Shelly and Holling were to get really mad at me, well, there's no other place to eat lunch.
Hey, Phil? Chris.
Chris, get away from here, I'm warning you! Could you just open up? I just wanna talk.
Hey, I mean it.
Look, I dropped the lawsuit.
Could we just talk? You dropped the lawsuit? I'm sorry, you know.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't you, it was Dr.
Fleischman.
Joel? You know, he was my doctor.
He was my physician.
He was my friend, you know.
For five years, he saw me through my high blood pressure, my strep throat, nasal polyps.
It was one of the most intimate and personal relationships I ever had in my life.
He knew every cleft and every crevasse of my body, you know.
Yeah? And he left, you know, he split on me.
Then I lashed out at you and I got caught then, I'm sorry.
I miss him, you know, I really miss him.
Got you some treats.
Some pistachios and Laughing Cow cheese and most of a six pack.
I know it probably won't make up for everything.
Thanks, Chris.
I gotta go.
Good night.
Good night.
Behold the glory and the majesty.
You know, Fleischman, maybe their paces were a different size than yours.
I mean, after all, these were 18th century guys and they had small short legs.
Really, I was in this military museum in Paris and they had these old sets of armor, and those guys were tiny.
Fleischman? Oh, my God.
What? What do you see? What? The jeweled city.
Where? Look.
There's the Chrysler building.
The Empire State Building and the World Trade towers.
What are you talking about? Oh, my God, it's Manhattan.
I don't see a thing.
Look, right there.
Right there.
Right there.
Maybe I do see something.
Oh, God.
Is that the old Pan Am Building? We did it.
We found the jewel city of the North! No.
No, I bet it's just a reflection off the ice.
You know, the light can do really weird things up here.
Oh, come on, look, come here.
Look, look, look.
You see it, don't you? It's right there.
Okay.
Okay, I see something.
But New York? The jeweled city? I don't know, but there it is, let's go! Come on.
No.
What? New York City, the thing you dreamt about day and night for the past five years.
The one sustaining constant in your life.
Whatever that is, it's for you.
That's your place.
It's not mine.
I don't understand.
I want you to come with me.
Come on.
You know, I used to ask myself, I used to ask myself, when Fleischman leaves, if he asks me to go with him, will I? And I didn't know.
I know now.
This is my place.
This is my place, you know, this is where I belong.
You're really not gonna come with me? No.
I got to do this.
Fleischman, everything All I never said.
Me, too.
Good luck, Fleischman.
MazeI tov.
Goodbye.
Hello, Maggie.
Hi, Ruth-Anne.
I was in Cordova yesterday, so I picked up Lowell Grippo's bread maker.
Good, I'll see that he gets it.
Okay.
Oh, you have some mail.
Oh.
Thank you, I'll see you.