The Wonder Years s06e16 Episode Script

In high school,appearances are everything.
The way you look.
The way you wish you look.
The way you wish you didn't look.
Nobody is satisfied.
Which is maybe why Throughout the halls and classrooms We hear the one universal cry.
What's wrong with me? Ricky Holsenbach.
When it came to inferiority complexes, he had them all.
Everybody's got a date for the dance but me.
Ah, come on Ricky.
Everyonedoesn't have a date.
I do.
It's not just the dance.
It seems like every guy I know has got a girl.
Oh, come on - that's not true.
Maybe it's my technique.
Sometimes I walk by couples just to try to listen in on what they're saying.
Figure out how they're doing it.
And ya know They're not saying anything special.
They're just saying stuff like "pass the pepper".
I can say that.
So what's wrong with me? Now, of course, the guy was a friend, so we wanted to be supportive.
Hey, Rickyya know, you're gonna find a girl.
It just takes time, that's all.
Sometimes it takes years.
I'll see ya tonight, alright? Look at that guy.
What's he got that I don't? But if there was one essential rule in high school It was that certain questions Were better left unanswered.
I don't know, man.
Now when Holden Caufield Was talking about all thepain and sadnesshe experienced as a teenager How does that relate to your own lives? Come on! Y-you're stuck in this place everyday with all its cliques A- andall the put-downs! What really bugs you? Kevin.
Fortunately, when it came to protective self-covering Uh Thecliques andthe put-downs.
I was a master.
I just said that.
Yeah! I really liked it.
Brett? What about you? What really gets to you? Brett Davis.
Class president, captain of the football team And voted the boy most likely to be better than everybody else.
Well, uh, sometimes in the middle of a game I get worried that I'm not stepping up into the pocket fast enough.
Yee-ah.
Yeah.
He's got a lot of problems.
OK For your next assignment, I want you all to write about something thatreally bothers you About yourself! And there ya had it.
There was an unspoken code not to speak.
Except when you had Something to speak about.
Come in.
Hello.
Yes - may I help you? Whoa Look at her.
And you are? Uh? Hayley Green.
I just started school here.
It was a moment ya don't forget.
This girl was beautiful.
Great.
You can take that desk right over there.
She had absolutely everything.
Holy cow.
And, a little bit more.
Holy cow.
And there was nothing more to say except Holy cow.
She's beautiful.
Ricky Holsenbach Was in love.
Look at her.
She's really gorgeous.
And not just in love.
I'm talking deeply Madly, head-over-heels, blind-as-a-bat, in love.
As soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one.
Who's the one? Her.
Whoa! Yeah She's really something, isn't she? Yeah - she's uh, definitely hard to forget.
Yeah - I wish I could meet her.
Well, if you like her so much go over and talk to her.
Well, I meanwhat would I say? How about "pass the pepper"? Just say "hi".
Well, you think that'll work? Go over there and see.
OK - here I go.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm going.
And as Ricky boldly ventured forth We, of course, gave him all the encouragement we could.
Don't spit when you talk.
After all, it was kind of a big moment for the guy.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
But while Ricky was doing his best to be noticed They uh, they look good together.
Yeah-yeah I think they'd make a nice couple.
They seemright for each other.
We were doing our best not to notice the obvious.
Hey, ya know It seems she's got a lot on the ball.
Yeah.
And she has alot on her face.
Until we did.
Come on guys.
We shouldn't be doing this.
OK - what can I say? I knew we shouldn't be doing it, but face it It was funny.
I don't think that's funny at all.
Unfortunately, some people didn't share my sense of humor.
Well, it's not "funny" funny but, ya know, it'sfunny.
I don't think so.
Come on, Winnie Kevin, you were making fun of someone's looks.
Why would you do something like that? Well, who knows? "Nose".
Get it? That is so shallow And of course, she was absolutely right.
Look.
I don't see what you're getting so upset about.
I mean, it's not like she heard us, or anything.
Well, I can't believe that looks are so important to you.
Well, they're not.
We were justkidding around.
Still, when it came to a sense of humor Did you know you have something really big stuck between your teeth? Maybe we all needed help.
How does it feel? That's really funny, Winnie.
And besidesthat's not "looks" - that's"personal hygiene".
Whatever you say, Kevin.
Look - we're just having a little fun about her nose, that's all.
Well, don't do it anymore Fine, we won't do it.
OK? Oh, God What? They're walking in here right now.
Can I get an order of chili-fries? Chili-fries Yep.
Here comes the three of them.
That was real funny, Kevin.
WellI didn't say anything! That's no excuse.
Hey guys.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You must be Hayley.
Yeah.
That's right.
I'm Winnie.
It's nice to meet you.
So, uh What have you guys been doing? Ah, we went to the movies together.
We saw "Harold and Maude".
It's about this old lady - eighty years old, and this young guy,about nineteenand they fall in love.
Well, that soundsnice.
I mean, it was really kind of beautiful.
Nothing else mattered except how they felt about each other.
We're goin' to the Spring dance together That's great! Yeah I, uhI asked her And she said "yes".
Well that's usually how it works, Ricky.
Sitting there, watching Hayley I started to see what Ricky saw in her.
She was nice Friendlyit almost made you completely forget about Oh What's the matter? That nose.
I'm gonna sneeze.
It was horrible.
It was like battening down for a hurricane Heading for the storm-cellar During a tornado.
Geshundheit.
Thank you.
Well, ahwe gotta be going.
It was nice meeting you.
Bye It was all we could do to keep a straight face And hope that nobody would notice.
Unfortunately, somebody did.
What was everybody laughing at yesterday? Laughing? Were we laughing? Yeah.
At the diner.
Did Hayley say something funny? No.
I don't think so Well, you weren't laughing at her nose, were you? Woops.
Nose? What nose? Haven't you noticed? It's a little big, isn't it? No.
I mean, itit's just anose.
Just like anyone else's nose.
I mean, it's uh Justa-a nose.
That's all it isa nose.
I figured if I said the word "nose" three thousand times, maybe he'd believe me.
OK, everybodyclass is starting.
Take your seats.
Today's reports are on things that reallybother us about ourselves.
Who wants to read theirs first? And, it was time to get back under our shells.
How about you, Hayley? All but one of us.
Hi.
Uh, I guess all of us have different things that bother us the way we look or the way we feel the way people treat us.
For me Uh-oh.
It's shopping.
See, I look in a store window At the blouses and the dresses and the slacks And the fact is nothing really goes with a big nose.
Uh-oh! I mean, you can wear dark clothes to look thinner But here I amwith this big nose, and it really doesn't matter what I wear, it's uhstill there.
And it's been here for a long time.
I remember, when I was fourteen, I went to see this doctor about getting a nose-job, and he told me I shouldn't get it because my nose was still growing And I thought to myself "How big is this thing gonna get?" I- I mean, I had visions of it getting caught in elevator doors Anyway Um, sometimes, sometime I dream that that magically, it's gotten smaller, butbut I know it's not true, so I guess I just have to put up with it.
I mean, it gives me pesonality I have the personality of a girl with a big nose.
I guess that's who I am, and I guess that's OK.
It was warm.
It was funny.
In the annals of high school, it was, perhaps, the most honest, true Self-aware speech Ever given.
It was also something else.
It was the biggest mistake Any kidever made.
By that evening, the infamous McKinley High "nose speech" had become a fairly hot topic.
Not that it was anything to get all worked up about.
I have never heard anything so despicable in my entire life! Rats.
I mean, what were you thinking?! Come on, Winnie - it's not that bad How would you feel if I had a big nose? What do you mean? I mean, would you still go out with me? Of course I would.
How big? Oh, that's great, Kevin.
No, I really want to know.
I mean Are we talkin' one foot, ertwo feet, oryou know Like Jimmy Durante? I mean, come on, Winnie - it was Hayley who read the speech in the first place.
I mean, she was making fun of her nose.
And what about Ricky? He's your friend and he cares about her.
How could you just laugh at her like that? What do you think that does to him? Hmmm.
I've gotta dump her.
What are you talking about? It's hard for me to even look at her.
Wellbut I thought you said she was beautiful.
Well, I did.
And then she made that speech.
And then I started to notice everybody looking at her.
And now When I see herall I see is her nose! And it seems like every day it's just getting bigger! I keep thinkingit's gonna wrap around her head like a giant turban! Ricky! You sound crazy! I can't take her to that dance.
This was getting totally out of control.
Man, that's tomorrow night.
I can't help it.
Come on, Ricky You really like her.
Yeah, well I got my reputation to think about.
Wait a minute.
You don't have a reputation.
If I take her to the dance, everybody's gonna be laughing at me.
Look.
You can't break the date with her.
I mean, you're really gonna hurt her feelings.
I know.
I know.
Will you do it? Me?! Yeah.
Well, you're always nice to people.
Oh, God.
And you're always sensitive to their feelings Look.
I'm not going to do your dirty work for you.
This is your responsibility.
Right.
I'll do it then.
Well then go do it.
I'm gonna do it.
But even though I'd washed my hands of the whole mess I couldn't help but feel a little bit You can't go to the dance? Guilty.
Yeah.
Well, uh, my uh, m-m-my cousin's coming in from out of town, and, and she's got this medical condition,and it's a, it's a, it's a webbed-foot duck thing.
A webbed-foot duck thing Ricky somehow came up with the worst excuse known to mankind.
Yeah.
And there's only like sixty-three known cases.
And then he embellished it.
And ya know it's when you're born with your toes stuck together by some sort ofs-stuff.
That doesn't sound very good.
I- I hate to miss the dance, but uhwe're gonna have to take her to the hospital tomorrow night.
Yeah.
UhI hope she's OK.
Of course, Hayley must have known it was a lie.
But she handled it with dignity.
Saturday night.
Our annual Spring dance.
Romance was in the air.
Couples were in each other's arms.
Listen, Winnie if we were any farther apart, I could get you punch while we're dancing.
Is that another one of your jokes, Kevin? Well, most couples.
Winnie Is this about Ricky? I can't believe he broke the date.
And I can't believe he came here.
And the thing was, neither could I.
I'm gonna go powder my - Nose? Never mind.
Yep.
Romance was definitely Positively, in the air.
So - you enjoying yourself? Yeah.
Pass out the party hats.
Look at him.
Well, he does look bad, huh? Yeah Hey.
How ya doin'? Good I'm just, uh Tryin' to figure out who I'm gonna dance with next.
Right.
Next? Nextfirst - one of those things.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm really having a great time and everything.
I'm really glad I didn't bring Hayley.
But the fact was Maybe I should have brought Hayley.
I guess we were both feeling kind of bad.
I don't believe it! And then it happened.
Ricky Holsenbach got a second chance.
RickyThis is great! She's right - Ricky, what are you doing? I can't let her see me - she thinks I'm at the hospital.
Wellso make up an excuse and let's go out there.
How? I told her that stupid web-foot duck story.
OK - a minor detail.
Well, then go out there And tell her the truth.
I can't.
Ricky Remember when you first met her? I mean, you were crazy about her.
You two were meant for each other.
And then you had to start listening to us jerks, and everything.
I mean half the time, we don't even know what we're talking about.
We justtalk just to talk.
Don't ya understand? I mean, you had somethin' great together.
So just Go out there and tell her that.
Don't let anything get in your way.
I don't know Maybe I was trying to make up for all my Bad jokes and cruelty.
Let's do it.
But as we went out thereI couldn't help feeling we were both lucky You don't get that many opportunities to make amends.
Rectify a wrong.
To lose a love and find it again.
Hi.
Hi.
I thought you were supposed to be with your cousin.
Yeah, well the truth is They decided to put off the operation.
I didn't know you were gonna be here.
Wellyeah.
WellI'm really glad.
Do you want to dance? And there it was.
Romance was finally in the air.
Actually, to tell you the truth, RickyI-I came with a date.
There you are.
Hi, Brett.
And then "guess who" stepped up into the pocket.
Oh, Brett, you know Kevin, Ricky Yeah You're in my English class.
Uh, yeah.
We both are.
Didn't Hayley give a great speech the other day? It wasn't that good.
Yeah, it wasIt took a lot of guts.
I wish I had that kinda courage.
It was good seein' ya, Kevin.
And uhuh - Ricky.
- Ricky.
And as Hayley set off hand-in-hand with her new beau One question naturally came to mind.
What's he got that I don't? And of course, there was only one answer.
He had her.
That night was almost like a fairy tale.
A night filled with magic and loveand princesses.
And pumpkins.
Maybe it was fitting.
In a land of insecurity, where curly-haired kids wanted straight hair And heavy kids wanted to lose weight And skinny ones wanted to gain it, and everybody wanted to be somebody else The one true beauty Was the girl who simply knew herself.
And was happywith what she knew.
She's really pretty, isn't she? Yeah.
I really like what she did with her hair.
I wish I had her nose - it's so exotic.