I Love Lucy (1951) s06e17 Episode Script
Lucy Misses the Mertzes
Breakfast ready, honey? Lucy? (whistles) Oh, there you are.
Oh, good morning, darling.
Where you been? Well, we were out of bread, so I went next door to the Ramseys' to borrow some.
Oh.
Oh, gee, that Betty Ramsey is a nice person.
And so is Ralph, her husband.
You're just gonna love him.
We're sure lucky to have such good neighbors.
Look, honey, uh I don't think it's a good idea to get too friendly with the neighbors too fast.
Why not? We're gonna be living here the rest of our lives.
Why shouldn't we get friendly with the neighbors right away? That's just it.
We are gonna be here for the rest of our lives, so I think that we get that we should get chummy gradually.
Oh, well, maybe you can get chummy gradually.
With me, it's instant chummy.
Well, I still say that you shouldn't rush into friendships.
Oh, pish-tush.
There you are, some nice, neighborly toast.
I'll have some nice, unneighborly jelly.
Okay, dear, I'll get it.
Thank you.
Gee, you should see the Ramseys' house.
It's all done in the most beautiful early American.
I'm getting some wonderful ideas from Betty for redecorating our house.
In the far distant future, of course.
Here you are, doll.
Thank you.
Blech! Tush-sheesh! Ugh! Why don't you ask me what's the matter? I can't afford to ask you what's the matter.
Honey, our old furniture looks just awful in our beautiful new house.
What are you talking about? When we bought this house, you said that our furniture would look perfect in here.
Well, we haven't got enough furniture for this big place.
Aw, gee, honey, please, can't I buy just one new thing? All right, I guess we could afford one new thing.
What's it gonna be? One house full of furniture.
One downstairs full of furniture? One living room full of furniture? Oh, if you put some seeds in you head, you could use it for a maraca.
Look, Lucy, we just cannot afford a lot of new furniture right now.
But this stuff looks so awful.
Look, why can't we put all this in the den and then all we'd need is just a few basic things, you know, like a a table and a lamp and a little old rug.
Oh, please, honey, please? All right, all right.
You can buy $500 worth of furniture and not a penny more.
Oh, thank you, honey.
Thank you so much.
All right.
(knock at door) Well, good morning, Bruce.
Hello.
Hi.
Honey, you know Bruce Ramsey? Oh, yeah.
Hi, Bruce.
Hi.
Is Little Ricky here? Yes, sweetheart.
He's here.
He's upstairs.
Go on up.
Little Ricky, Bruce is here! Hi, Ramsey.
Hi, Ricardo.
Oh, isn't that cute? Ramsey and Ricardo.
How about that.
I got to go.
I got to catch the 9:20.
Oh, okay, darling.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Good-bye, honey.
Now, only $500.
I know, $500.
I have it engraved right here.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
(knock at door) Oh! Come on in, Betty.
Hi! Hi, dear.
Lucy, guess what.
What? You remember your telling me about wanting to buy new furniture? Yes.
Well, I just talked to Ralph on the phone and he's arranged for us to go to a wholesale furniture place this afternoon.
Oh, how wonderful! And I just talked to Ricky and he said, "Go ahead, buy a few things.
" Oh, good! How about that? You want some coffee? I'd love some.
Oh, really, they have simply gorgeous things at this place, and I can get you 40% discount on everything you buy.
Oh, that's great! Let's see, 40% of five of, uh of what Ricky said I could spend Why, I can get almost twice as much as I thought I could.
Oh, you're so lucky, Lucy.
You know, most husbands would raise quite a fuss if their wives wanted to redecorate.
Ricky must be very generous.
Oh, yes, he is very generous in his own little way.
Of course, someone in Ricky's position doesn't have to worry about money.
No.
(uneasy chuckle) Well, now, let's see.
Um we'll do the whole living room and dining room in early American.
We will? The whole thing? Oh, well, I, uh I kind of wanted to keep a couple of the old pieces for sentimental reasons, you know.
Oh, no, no, no, dear, you don't want to mix this beat-up old stuff with your lovely new things.
Well, I don't want to, but You know what we should do with this? Set fire to it? No, trade it in, get an allowance on the new furniture.
That way, you'll save even more money.
Trade it in! That's a great idea! Now, I think we should put two wing chairs here.
Two wing chairs, yeah.
And a big sofa here maybe even two sofas.
Two sofas! Yes.
BETTY: Now, let's see.
we picked out the whole dining room set, the buffet, the two chairs the couch, the bench, end tables Uh, now, we decide on a coffee table.
Uh-huh.
Well, how about this one? Yes, yes.
That's very nice.
How about that one over there, Betty? Could be.
Uh, yeah, now that I get a better look at this, this is fine.
Yes, I like that.
I like the shape there.
Mm-hmm.
Now, lamps.
That's attractive.
Oh, isn't it? Yes.
Uh how about that one over there? Sometimes at parties, our friends like to try on lampshades for hats.
I was just making sure it was the right size.
Oh, Lucy, you're such a clown.
Yeah, well Say, you know, Betty, I can't get over how inexpensive all this furniture is.
What do you mean, dear? Mr.
Perry hasn't quoted prices yet.
Oh, well, I just casually happened to glance at some of the price tags, and there's some real bargains here.
Price tags? Yeah.
You know, like, for instance, here's one right here.
See, this table is $10.
62.
Oh, Lucy, there you go clowning.
Those aren't price tags.
They're stock numbers.
Stock numbers?! Uh, Mrs.
Ramsey, Yes.
I've, uh, been going over Mrs.
Ricardo's purchases, like you asked me to, and the furniture that she has selected so far less the 40% discount, of course, and the allowance on her old furniture comes to exactly $1,875.
50.
We like to do these little favors for our friends.
$1,875.
50? That price is fantastic.
You can say that again.
Now, Mr.
Perry, do you have any more lamps besides this because I don't think any of these are right for Mrs.
Ricardo.
I have just the thing for you.
LUCY: Look, Betty Oh, good.
Betty maybe I shouldn't have rushed into this.
Maybe I shouldn't buy so much all at once.
Maybe I should just buy a-a chair or a lamp or a little old table or something.
But dear, why not buy everything all at once? Yeah, why not? Well, because I sort of like to have furniture trickle in one at a time, you know.
Like a Chair-Of-The-Month Club.
Stop clowning, Lucy.
Here we are.
Oh, that's very nice.
Uh, to tell you the truth, Betty, I I I need everything by Saturday night.
Yeah, we're having some friends in Saturday night and if we can't have everything by Saturday night- and I know that's impossible- why, then I'm afraid I won't be able to take any of it.
But just so the afternoon won't be a total loss, I'll, um I'll take this little footstool here.
Saturday night? Oh, my, that is awfully fast.
Yes, I knew it would be, so if you'd just wrap it up But since you are such a good friend of Mrs.
Ramsey's, I'll do it.
Thanks a lot.
Er, this is $24.
50.
I'll just put it with your other furniture.
Thank you so much, Mr.
Perry.
Oh, come on, Lucy, we've got lots of other things to look at.
We haven't even started on the den yet, dear.
Yeah, why not? What have I got to lose except my life? What? Oh, there I go, clowning again.
(chuckles) (dry sob) Well, here it is, Lucy- all your new furniture.
Yeah, here it is.
I'll bet Ricky raves when he sees this.
He'll rave all right.
Of course you'll still need a few knickknacks and things, but we can get those next week.
Listen, I have to run now, dear, but I'll see you later, okay? Bye.
Okay.
Okay, Betty.
Bye.
Operator, can I have Schuyler 4-8098, New York City, please? (phone rings) Hello? Oh, I'm in terrible trouble.
Can you come out right away? What's the matter? What's up? Who is it? It's Lucy and she's in trouble! Quick, hang up! Oh, Fred.
Is it bad trouble, honey? Well, Ricky told me that I could spend $500 for some new furniture and I got carried away and I spent over thr I I spent over thr How much? How much? I spent over $3,000.
$3,000?! What, what, what about $3,000? Ricky told Lucy she could spend $500 for some new furniture, and she spent over $3,000! Now, Fred Fred, loosen your collar so you won't faint.
Fred, it's not your money.
Lucy? What happened to Fred? Oh, he got lightheaded just thinking about somebody spending $3,000.
Oh, Ethel, can you come out right away? Maybe Ricky won't be so mad if you're here.
Sure, honey, we'll get on a train just as soon as I can revive Fred.
Oh, thank you so much and hurry, hurry! Okay, we will.
Bye.
Fred? Fred? Fred, come on.
Pull yourself together.
We got to go out to Connecticut.
Three thousand dollars (light tapping on door) Oh, good, Fred and Ethel.
I forgot my key, honey (screams) Hey! What's going on here? Hey, honey! Lucy! My foot's stuck! I know.
I want to talk to you before I let you in.
Now, listen, Ricky, I've done something awful, and I want to tell my side of the story such as it is, and then when you've had a chance to calm down, I'll let you in.
Now, listen, honey, now, listen.
Uh remember the other day when, when Betty Ramsey took me to that wholesale house and you said that I could spend $500 and when I came home, you asked me if I spent it and I said "yes"? Well, honey, I I spent a little more.
I didn't mean to, but, uh, I-I-I thought that the price tags- the tags were price tags and they were really stock numbers, see? And, well, honey Now, honey, get a grip on yourself.
I- I-I spent over $3,000.
I didn't mean to, Ricky.
Really, I didn't.
And I'm not going to let you in now until you promise to calm down, be understanding and talk like a normal human being.
Now, do you promise that, Ricky, do you? Okay, I promise.
(screaming) (Ricky shouting) Let me out! Lucy! You stay right where you are! Oh, now, honey, you promised to be calm and understanding.
I am I am calm, and I am very understanding.
Now, we go in there.
We go and sit down in there and-and we'll talk over this whole thing like two normal human beings.
Honey, isn't this pretty what we're sitting on? See, I I got both, because the room is so big and they match the two chairs and everything.
I bought this 'cause I like the little railings and it spins; you can get things from all sides.
And the rug.
Did you notice the rug (shouting): Three thousand dollars! $3,272.
65.
How could you do such a thin'?! Well? Well, um I didn't mean to, but Now, if you look at it another way, dear, we really saved you money, you see, because Betty got them to take our other furniture in on trade, and Betty got us a 40% discount.
Betty.
Yes, Betty.
Do you remember I told you it wasn't right to get too chummy with the neighbors too fast? Oh, you're not gonna say, "I told you so"? Yes, I am! Well, I just thought I'd ask.
But, honey, I still say that Betty did us a big favor.
Uh, do you know how much money we're saving? Yeah, exactly.
We're saving $3,292.
95.
Well, now, why Because all this stuff is going back! Oh, honey, I can't return all this.
What'll I tell Betty Ramsey? Just tell her the truth- that we can't afford it.
Oh, I couldn't tell her that.
Why not? Why, I just couldn't, that's all.
You, you, you tell her.
You go on over and tell her you're a tightwad.
I'm a tightwad? Well, if the shoe fits You go right over there, you go right over there this minute and tell Betty.
But Ricky Right this minute you go over there and tell her, I'll be upstairs.
Honey? You, uh, you might notice a few new things up there, too.
Go on! Go on! Hi! Hi! I'm going into town to pick up a few things.
Anything I can get for you? No, not another thing.
I saw Ricky come home.
What did he have to say when he saw all the new things? Couldn't you hear him over at your house? No.
What do you mean? Well, as a matter of fact, Betty, I was just on my way over to talk to you.
I'm afraid we're going to have to return all these things.
Return them? Why? Well, we just can't I don't think that, uh Well We we just don't think we should We should look at some other furniture before we plunge into buying all this.
Well, Lucy, you might at least have told me this before we took up Mr.
Perry's time and had everything sent out.
Yeah, well You know, Betty, now that I see all this furniture here, I don't think it suits the house.
Doesn't suit it? It's an early American house.
This is early American furniture.
That's just it, it's too pat.
What? Well, you know what this house needs? What? Chinese modern.
Yeah, low black tables and bamboo mats and cushions thrown all around.
We love to eat on the floor.
And, and, and lanterns and screens and a built-in mah-jongg set.
All right, Lucy, why don't you just come right out and say it.
Say what? You don't like my taste.
Oh, no, Betty, I didn't mean that.
No.
What else could it be? I'm only trying to be helpful.
Well, that's what I get.
My husband warned me not to get too chummy with the new neighbors, and he was so right.
Huh! Oh, Betty, but I didn't say that.
I didn't mean that.
You don't understand, Betty.
Betty, listen (door slamming) Oh, dear.
(crying) What's the matter? Betty Ramsey was just here.
Oh.
You tell her we couldn't afford the furniture? Oh, I couldn't bring myself to tell her we couldn't afford it, so now she thinks that we don't like her taste and everything's a big mess.
Oh, fine, leave it to two women to get everything fouled up.
All right, I'll go next door and have a man-to-man talk with her husband and just tell him that we cannot afford it, that's all.
All right.
(crying) And don't cry on that sofa- that's going back.
Oh! (knocking on door) Mr.
Ramsey? Yes.
I'm Ricky Ricardo from next door.
Our wives have already met.
Oh, hi! Come on in.
Thank you.
Call me Ralph.
Thank you.
Let's go in the den where we can sit down.
Oh, uh, I haven't got much time.
I just want to talk about something.
Oh? I was telling the boys down at the agency that I live next door to a big celebrity now.
(chuckling) Uh, what agency are you with? Burton, Warshman & Ramsey.
Oh! Are you that Ramsey? Well, yes, I guess I am.
Talking about you last week out at the country club.
You were? Mm-hmm.
Proposed your name to the membership committee.
No kidding.
Yeah, of course the dues, the initiation fee are pretty high, but I told them that money doesn't mean a thing to a big star like Ricky Ricardo.
Yeah, well, uh Oh, yeah! Yeah! Sure.
Yesterday, down at our weekly Think Conference at the agency, I suggested your name for a guest shot on a TV show.
You did? Yes, and the reaction was tremendous.
Well, how nice.
Are you interested? Why, sure, I'm always interested in doing guest spots.
Oh, good, good.
Uh, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? Oh, well, I just wanted to talk to you about the furniture that your wife picked up.
Oh, that's all right.
You don't have to thank me.
I was glad to set it up for you.
How do you like it? Fine, fine.
Only that, uh Well, it's a little bit high High-priced? No, no, no, it's not that; it's just high-class, you know.
We, uh We're very earthy people.
You mean you don't like it? Oh, no, no, it's not that; it's fine.
It's just that Well it's not for us.
What you mean is, it doesn't suit you.
Yes, that's it.
In other words, you don't like my wife's taste.
Oh, no, I didn't say that.
Well, that's what you were inferring.
Well, no, I I didn't infer, I didn't.
Well, I got you a wonderful discount, so it can't be the price.
What is it? We just want to return it, that's all.
Well, it's impossible.
Why? Well, I went to a lot of trouble to set up that deal.
I can't ask those people to take it back.
Why not? Well, I just can't, that's all.
Are you by any chance getting a kickback from this furniture store? Now, look here, Mr.
Ricardo, I don't have to stand here and be insulted.
First you don't like my wife's taste, now you call me a crook.
I think you'd better get going.
Are you throwing me out? I said, I think you'd better get going.
Who's going to make me? I am.
You are? Mm.
Hah! Would you care to step outside? I'd love to.
So would I.
Good.
Good! And you can forget about that TV show.
We'll get Cugat.
That does it.
Come on, let's go.
(door slamming) ETHEL: Don't bother to knock.
Just use your key, Fred.
Hurry up.
Hurry up, Fred.
FRED: All right.
Do you suppose we beat Ricky here? I guess so.
There's nothing broken.
My, Fred, isn't all this new furniture beautiful? Beautiful it is.
$3,000 worth it ain't.
Oh, Fred.
It's too quiet around here.
I don't like it.
Mira que cosa! Hi! Mira que cosa! Oh, my goodness! If he looks like that, what must Lucy look like? Oh, Fred and Ethel, you're here! Not a scratch on her.
Honey! What happened? Don't you know? No! Honey, what happened to you? Yo te voy a decir lo que ha pasado y que es esta senora y que es Ralph Ramsey! What about Ralph Ramsey? Que nos pusimos en un peleado y me empujo en un rosebush! What's he saying, Lucy? What's he saying? Well, as near as I can tell, our next-door neighbor Ralph Ramsey pushed him into a rosebush.
Why did he do a thing like that? Well, Ricky went over to tell Ralph Ramsey- that's Betty's husband- that we couldn't afford all this furniture, because when I told Betty we couldn't afford it, she thought that I thought that she had bad taste.
What'd she say? I got it.
Didn't you? No.
I was doing better with his Spanish.
What happened to you? I had a fight with Bruce.
You had a fight with Bruce! What about? He said his daddy beat up my daddy.
Is that so?! Honey, honey, now calm down.
I'm not going to calm down! I'm going to Honey, honey I thought people moved to the country for peace and quiet.
Honey, we'll get cleaned up.
Ricardo, I think you owe us an apology! Look what your boy did to our boy! What do you mean I owe you an apology? You owe us an apology! Look what your boy did to our boy! I'm not apologizing until you do! Well, I'm not apologizing until you do.
Well, you started the whole thing.
I did not.
My wife did.
I did? You inferred you didn't like my taste.
I did not.
And you called me a crook.
No, I did not I didn't call you a crook.
(all arguing) Fellas, keep quiet, please.
(whistling) Just give me a chance! (argument and whistling stops) Lucy What? Aren't you going to introduce us? These are our friends, the Mertzes; our enemies, the Ramseys.
(all arguing again) You won't give me a chance! (whistling) Oh, you fellas, quiet.
This is all a big misunderstanding.
The real reason for all this trouble is that the Ricardos simply cannot afford all this new furniture.
Is that all? Why didn't you say so? Yeah, why didn't you say so? Me? I'm just a little boy.
(all laughing) Oh, Lucy why didn't you tell me the truth? Well, I was too embarrassed to admit it.
Yeah, me, too.
We would have understood.
I've been wanting to redecorate our house for years, but we just couldn't Go ahead, honey, tell them.
We couldn't afford it either.
Hey, Bruce, how about being friends? Sure.
Want to be mine? Sure.
Let's go out and play.
BETTY: Aw Lucy I'm sorry.
Sorry, pal.
Had a nice workout, anyway.
We sure did.
Forget what I said about Cugat.
If you want that job, it's yours.
Well, thanks.
I'll take it.
Hey, Lucy.
Yeah.
Ralph is going to give me a television job in one of his shows.
A guest appearance.
A television job! Yeah.
Oh, boy, that's wonderful! Yeah.
It pays $3,500.
$3,500? Mm-hmm.
$3,500! Honey, that'll just about, uh Yeah, I know, pay for the new furniture.
Yeah.
All right, all right.
(all chattering excitedly) (applause) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz has been presented for your pleasure by Instant Sanka, the hearty coffee you can drink as strong as you like, it still can't upset your nerves.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
Oh, good morning, darling.
Where you been? Well, we were out of bread, so I went next door to the Ramseys' to borrow some.
Oh.
Oh, gee, that Betty Ramsey is a nice person.
And so is Ralph, her husband.
You're just gonna love him.
We're sure lucky to have such good neighbors.
Look, honey, uh I don't think it's a good idea to get too friendly with the neighbors too fast.
Why not? We're gonna be living here the rest of our lives.
Why shouldn't we get friendly with the neighbors right away? That's just it.
We are gonna be here for the rest of our lives, so I think that we get that we should get chummy gradually.
Oh, well, maybe you can get chummy gradually.
With me, it's instant chummy.
Well, I still say that you shouldn't rush into friendships.
Oh, pish-tush.
There you are, some nice, neighborly toast.
I'll have some nice, unneighborly jelly.
Okay, dear, I'll get it.
Thank you.
Gee, you should see the Ramseys' house.
It's all done in the most beautiful early American.
I'm getting some wonderful ideas from Betty for redecorating our house.
In the far distant future, of course.
Here you are, doll.
Thank you.
Blech! Tush-sheesh! Ugh! Why don't you ask me what's the matter? I can't afford to ask you what's the matter.
Honey, our old furniture looks just awful in our beautiful new house.
What are you talking about? When we bought this house, you said that our furniture would look perfect in here.
Well, we haven't got enough furniture for this big place.
Aw, gee, honey, please, can't I buy just one new thing? All right, I guess we could afford one new thing.
What's it gonna be? One house full of furniture.
One downstairs full of furniture? One living room full of furniture? Oh, if you put some seeds in you head, you could use it for a maraca.
Look, Lucy, we just cannot afford a lot of new furniture right now.
But this stuff looks so awful.
Look, why can't we put all this in the den and then all we'd need is just a few basic things, you know, like a a table and a lamp and a little old rug.
Oh, please, honey, please? All right, all right.
You can buy $500 worth of furniture and not a penny more.
Oh, thank you, honey.
Thank you so much.
All right.
(knock at door) Well, good morning, Bruce.
Hello.
Hi.
Honey, you know Bruce Ramsey? Oh, yeah.
Hi, Bruce.
Hi.
Is Little Ricky here? Yes, sweetheart.
He's here.
He's upstairs.
Go on up.
Little Ricky, Bruce is here! Hi, Ramsey.
Hi, Ricardo.
Oh, isn't that cute? Ramsey and Ricardo.
How about that.
I got to go.
I got to catch the 9:20.
Oh, okay, darling.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Good-bye, honey.
Now, only $500.
I know, $500.
I have it engraved right here.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
(knock at door) Oh! Come on in, Betty.
Hi! Hi, dear.
Lucy, guess what.
What? You remember your telling me about wanting to buy new furniture? Yes.
Well, I just talked to Ralph on the phone and he's arranged for us to go to a wholesale furniture place this afternoon.
Oh, how wonderful! And I just talked to Ricky and he said, "Go ahead, buy a few things.
" Oh, good! How about that? You want some coffee? I'd love some.
Oh, really, they have simply gorgeous things at this place, and I can get you 40% discount on everything you buy.
Oh, that's great! Let's see, 40% of five of, uh of what Ricky said I could spend Why, I can get almost twice as much as I thought I could.
Oh, you're so lucky, Lucy.
You know, most husbands would raise quite a fuss if their wives wanted to redecorate.
Ricky must be very generous.
Oh, yes, he is very generous in his own little way.
Of course, someone in Ricky's position doesn't have to worry about money.
No.
(uneasy chuckle) Well, now, let's see.
Um we'll do the whole living room and dining room in early American.
We will? The whole thing? Oh, well, I, uh I kind of wanted to keep a couple of the old pieces for sentimental reasons, you know.
Oh, no, no, no, dear, you don't want to mix this beat-up old stuff with your lovely new things.
Well, I don't want to, but You know what we should do with this? Set fire to it? No, trade it in, get an allowance on the new furniture.
That way, you'll save even more money.
Trade it in! That's a great idea! Now, I think we should put two wing chairs here.
Two wing chairs, yeah.
And a big sofa here maybe even two sofas.
Two sofas! Yes.
BETTY: Now, let's see.
we picked out the whole dining room set, the buffet, the two chairs the couch, the bench, end tables Uh, now, we decide on a coffee table.
Uh-huh.
Well, how about this one? Yes, yes.
That's very nice.
How about that one over there, Betty? Could be.
Uh, yeah, now that I get a better look at this, this is fine.
Yes, I like that.
I like the shape there.
Mm-hmm.
Now, lamps.
That's attractive.
Oh, isn't it? Yes.
Uh how about that one over there? Sometimes at parties, our friends like to try on lampshades for hats.
I was just making sure it was the right size.
Oh, Lucy, you're such a clown.
Yeah, well Say, you know, Betty, I can't get over how inexpensive all this furniture is.
What do you mean, dear? Mr.
Perry hasn't quoted prices yet.
Oh, well, I just casually happened to glance at some of the price tags, and there's some real bargains here.
Price tags? Yeah.
You know, like, for instance, here's one right here.
See, this table is $10.
62.
Oh, Lucy, there you go clowning.
Those aren't price tags.
They're stock numbers.
Stock numbers?! Uh, Mrs.
Ramsey, Yes.
I've, uh, been going over Mrs.
Ricardo's purchases, like you asked me to, and the furniture that she has selected so far less the 40% discount, of course, and the allowance on her old furniture comes to exactly $1,875.
50.
We like to do these little favors for our friends.
$1,875.
50? That price is fantastic.
You can say that again.
Now, Mr.
Perry, do you have any more lamps besides this because I don't think any of these are right for Mrs.
Ricardo.
I have just the thing for you.
LUCY: Look, Betty Oh, good.
Betty maybe I shouldn't have rushed into this.
Maybe I shouldn't buy so much all at once.
Maybe I should just buy a-a chair or a lamp or a little old table or something.
But dear, why not buy everything all at once? Yeah, why not? Well, because I sort of like to have furniture trickle in one at a time, you know.
Like a Chair-Of-The-Month Club.
Stop clowning, Lucy.
Here we are.
Oh, that's very nice.
Uh, to tell you the truth, Betty, I I I need everything by Saturday night.
Yeah, we're having some friends in Saturday night and if we can't have everything by Saturday night- and I know that's impossible- why, then I'm afraid I won't be able to take any of it.
But just so the afternoon won't be a total loss, I'll, um I'll take this little footstool here.
Saturday night? Oh, my, that is awfully fast.
Yes, I knew it would be, so if you'd just wrap it up But since you are such a good friend of Mrs.
Ramsey's, I'll do it.
Thanks a lot.
Er, this is $24.
50.
I'll just put it with your other furniture.
Thank you so much, Mr.
Perry.
Oh, come on, Lucy, we've got lots of other things to look at.
We haven't even started on the den yet, dear.
Yeah, why not? What have I got to lose except my life? What? Oh, there I go, clowning again.
(chuckles) (dry sob) Well, here it is, Lucy- all your new furniture.
Yeah, here it is.
I'll bet Ricky raves when he sees this.
He'll rave all right.
Of course you'll still need a few knickknacks and things, but we can get those next week.
Listen, I have to run now, dear, but I'll see you later, okay? Bye.
Okay.
Okay, Betty.
Bye.
Operator, can I have Schuyler 4-8098, New York City, please? (phone rings) Hello? Oh, I'm in terrible trouble.
Can you come out right away? What's the matter? What's up? Who is it? It's Lucy and she's in trouble! Quick, hang up! Oh, Fred.
Is it bad trouble, honey? Well, Ricky told me that I could spend $500 for some new furniture and I got carried away and I spent over thr I I spent over thr How much? How much? I spent over $3,000.
$3,000?! What, what, what about $3,000? Ricky told Lucy she could spend $500 for some new furniture, and she spent over $3,000! Now, Fred Fred, loosen your collar so you won't faint.
Fred, it's not your money.
Lucy? What happened to Fred? Oh, he got lightheaded just thinking about somebody spending $3,000.
Oh, Ethel, can you come out right away? Maybe Ricky won't be so mad if you're here.
Sure, honey, we'll get on a train just as soon as I can revive Fred.
Oh, thank you so much and hurry, hurry! Okay, we will.
Bye.
Fred? Fred? Fred, come on.
Pull yourself together.
We got to go out to Connecticut.
Three thousand dollars (light tapping on door) Oh, good, Fred and Ethel.
I forgot my key, honey (screams) Hey! What's going on here? Hey, honey! Lucy! My foot's stuck! I know.
I want to talk to you before I let you in.
Now, listen, Ricky, I've done something awful, and I want to tell my side of the story such as it is, and then when you've had a chance to calm down, I'll let you in.
Now, listen, honey, now, listen.
Uh remember the other day when, when Betty Ramsey took me to that wholesale house and you said that I could spend $500 and when I came home, you asked me if I spent it and I said "yes"? Well, honey, I I spent a little more.
I didn't mean to, but, uh, I-I-I thought that the price tags- the tags were price tags and they were really stock numbers, see? And, well, honey Now, honey, get a grip on yourself.
I- I-I spent over $3,000.
I didn't mean to, Ricky.
Really, I didn't.
And I'm not going to let you in now until you promise to calm down, be understanding and talk like a normal human being.
Now, do you promise that, Ricky, do you? Okay, I promise.
(screaming) (Ricky shouting) Let me out! Lucy! You stay right where you are! Oh, now, honey, you promised to be calm and understanding.
I am I am calm, and I am very understanding.
Now, we go in there.
We go and sit down in there and-and we'll talk over this whole thing like two normal human beings.
Honey, isn't this pretty what we're sitting on? See, I I got both, because the room is so big and they match the two chairs and everything.
I bought this 'cause I like the little railings and it spins; you can get things from all sides.
And the rug.
Did you notice the rug (shouting): Three thousand dollars! $3,272.
65.
How could you do such a thin'?! Well? Well, um I didn't mean to, but Now, if you look at it another way, dear, we really saved you money, you see, because Betty got them to take our other furniture in on trade, and Betty got us a 40% discount.
Betty.
Yes, Betty.
Do you remember I told you it wasn't right to get too chummy with the neighbors too fast? Oh, you're not gonna say, "I told you so"? Yes, I am! Well, I just thought I'd ask.
But, honey, I still say that Betty did us a big favor.
Uh, do you know how much money we're saving? Yeah, exactly.
We're saving $3,292.
95.
Well, now, why Because all this stuff is going back! Oh, honey, I can't return all this.
What'll I tell Betty Ramsey? Just tell her the truth- that we can't afford it.
Oh, I couldn't tell her that.
Why not? Why, I just couldn't, that's all.
You, you, you tell her.
You go on over and tell her you're a tightwad.
I'm a tightwad? Well, if the shoe fits You go right over there, you go right over there this minute and tell Betty.
But Ricky Right this minute you go over there and tell her, I'll be upstairs.
Honey? You, uh, you might notice a few new things up there, too.
Go on! Go on! Hi! Hi! I'm going into town to pick up a few things.
Anything I can get for you? No, not another thing.
I saw Ricky come home.
What did he have to say when he saw all the new things? Couldn't you hear him over at your house? No.
What do you mean? Well, as a matter of fact, Betty, I was just on my way over to talk to you.
I'm afraid we're going to have to return all these things.
Return them? Why? Well, we just can't I don't think that, uh Well We we just don't think we should We should look at some other furniture before we plunge into buying all this.
Well, Lucy, you might at least have told me this before we took up Mr.
Perry's time and had everything sent out.
Yeah, well You know, Betty, now that I see all this furniture here, I don't think it suits the house.
Doesn't suit it? It's an early American house.
This is early American furniture.
That's just it, it's too pat.
What? Well, you know what this house needs? What? Chinese modern.
Yeah, low black tables and bamboo mats and cushions thrown all around.
We love to eat on the floor.
And, and, and lanterns and screens and a built-in mah-jongg set.
All right, Lucy, why don't you just come right out and say it.
Say what? You don't like my taste.
Oh, no, Betty, I didn't mean that.
No.
What else could it be? I'm only trying to be helpful.
Well, that's what I get.
My husband warned me not to get too chummy with the new neighbors, and he was so right.
Huh! Oh, Betty, but I didn't say that.
I didn't mean that.
You don't understand, Betty.
Betty, listen (door slamming) Oh, dear.
(crying) What's the matter? Betty Ramsey was just here.
Oh.
You tell her we couldn't afford the furniture? Oh, I couldn't bring myself to tell her we couldn't afford it, so now she thinks that we don't like her taste and everything's a big mess.
Oh, fine, leave it to two women to get everything fouled up.
All right, I'll go next door and have a man-to-man talk with her husband and just tell him that we cannot afford it, that's all.
All right.
(crying) And don't cry on that sofa- that's going back.
Oh! (knocking on door) Mr.
Ramsey? Yes.
I'm Ricky Ricardo from next door.
Our wives have already met.
Oh, hi! Come on in.
Thank you.
Call me Ralph.
Thank you.
Let's go in the den where we can sit down.
Oh, uh, I haven't got much time.
I just want to talk about something.
Oh? I was telling the boys down at the agency that I live next door to a big celebrity now.
(chuckling) Uh, what agency are you with? Burton, Warshman & Ramsey.
Oh! Are you that Ramsey? Well, yes, I guess I am.
Talking about you last week out at the country club.
You were? Mm-hmm.
Proposed your name to the membership committee.
No kidding.
Yeah, of course the dues, the initiation fee are pretty high, but I told them that money doesn't mean a thing to a big star like Ricky Ricardo.
Yeah, well, uh Oh, yeah! Yeah! Sure.
Yesterday, down at our weekly Think Conference at the agency, I suggested your name for a guest shot on a TV show.
You did? Yes, and the reaction was tremendous.
Well, how nice.
Are you interested? Why, sure, I'm always interested in doing guest spots.
Oh, good, good.
Uh, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? Oh, well, I just wanted to talk to you about the furniture that your wife picked up.
Oh, that's all right.
You don't have to thank me.
I was glad to set it up for you.
How do you like it? Fine, fine.
Only that, uh Well, it's a little bit high High-priced? No, no, no, it's not that; it's just high-class, you know.
We, uh We're very earthy people.
You mean you don't like it? Oh, no, no, it's not that; it's fine.
It's just that Well it's not for us.
What you mean is, it doesn't suit you.
Yes, that's it.
In other words, you don't like my wife's taste.
Oh, no, I didn't say that.
Well, that's what you were inferring.
Well, no, I I didn't infer, I didn't.
Well, I got you a wonderful discount, so it can't be the price.
What is it? We just want to return it, that's all.
Well, it's impossible.
Why? Well, I went to a lot of trouble to set up that deal.
I can't ask those people to take it back.
Why not? Well, I just can't, that's all.
Are you by any chance getting a kickback from this furniture store? Now, look here, Mr.
Ricardo, I don't have to stand here and be insulted.
First you don't like my wife's taste, now you call me a crook.
I think you'd better get going.
Are you throwing me out? I said, I think you'd better get going.
Who's going to make me? I am.
You are? Mm.
Hah! Would you care to step outside? I'd love to.
So would I.
Good.
Good! And you can forget about that TV show.
We'll get Cugat.
That does it.
Come on, let's go.
(door slamming) ETHEL: Don't bother to knock.
Just use your key, Fred.
Hurry up.
Hurry up, Fred.
FRED: All right.
Do you suppose we beat Ricky here? I guess so.
There's nothing broken.
My, Fred, isn't all this new furniture beautiful? Beautiful it is.
$3,000 worth it ain't.
Oh, Fred.
It's too quiet around here.
I don't like it.
Mira que cosa! Hi! Mira que cosa! Oh, my goodness! If he looks like that, what must Lucy look like? Oh, Fred and Ethel, you're here! Not a scratch on her.
Honey! What happened? Don't you know? No! Honey, what happened to you? Yo te voy a decir lo que ha pasado y que es esta senora y que es Ralph Ramsey! What about Ralph Ramsey? Que nos pusimos en un peleado y me empujo en un rosebush! What's he saying, Lucy? What's he saying? Well, as near as I can tell, our next-door neighbor Ralph Ramsey pushed him into a rosebush.
Why did he do a thing like that? Well, Ricky went over to tell Ralph Ramsey- that's Betty's husband- that we couldn't afford all this furniture, because when I told Betty we couldn't afford it, she thought that I thought that she had bad taste.
What'd she say? I got it.
Didn't you? No.
I was doing better with his Spanish.
What happened to you? I had a fight with Bruce.
You had a fight with Bruce! What about? He said his daddy beat up my daddy.
Is that so?! Honey, honey, now calm down.
I'm not going to calm down! I'm going to Honey, honey I thought people moved to the country for peace and quiet.
Honey, we'll get cleaned up.
Ricardo, I think you owe us an apology! Look what your boy did to our boy! What do you mean I owe you an apology? You owe us an apology! Look what your boy did to our boy! I'm not apologizing until you do! Well, I'm not apologizing until you do.
Well, you started the whole thing.
I did not.
My wife did.
I did? You inferred you didn't like my taste.
I did not.
And you called me a crook.
No, I did not I didn't call you a crook.
(all arguing) Fellas, keep quiet, please.
(whistling) Just give me a chance! (argument and whistling stops) Lucy What? Aren't you going to introduce us? These are our friends, the Mertzes; our enemies, the Ramseys.
(all arguing again) You won't give me a chance! (whistling) Oh, you fellas, quiet.
This is all a big misunderstanding.
The real reason for all this trouble is that the Ricardos simply cannot afford all this new furniture.
Is that all? Why didn't you say so? Yeah, why didn't you say so? Me? I'm just a little boy.
(all laughing) Oh, Lucy why didn't you tell me the truth? Well, I was too embarrassed to admit it.
Yeah, me, too.
We would have understood.
I've been wanting to redecorate our house for years, but we just couldn't Go ahead, honey, tell them.
We couldn't afford it either.
Hey, Bruce, how about being friends? Sure.
Want to be mine? Sure.
Let's go out and play.
BETTY: Aw Lucy I'm sorry.
Sorry, pal.
Had a nice workout, anyway.
We sure did.
Forget what I said about Cugat.
If you want that job, it's yours.
Well, thanks.
I'll take it.
Hey, Lucy.
Yeah.
Ralph is going to give me a television job in one of his shows.
A guest appearance.
A television job! Yeah.
Oh, boy, that's wonderful! Yeah.
It pays $3,500.
$3,500? Mm-hmm.
$3,500! Honey, that'll just about, uh Yeah, I know, pay for the new furniture.
Yeah.
All right, all right.
(all chattering excitedly) (applause) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz has been presented for your pleasure by Instant Sanka, the hearty coffee you can drink as strong as you like, it still can't upset your nerves.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.