Nip/Tuck s06e17 Episode Script

NARRATOR: Previously on Nip/Tuck: Christian Troy.
Sean McNamara, right? I was seeing the future of medicine.
- Plastic surgery? - The wave of the future.
Tell me what you don't like about yourself? - My ass.
- My eyes.
- My knees.
- Your knees? Everything.
Your right eye is half a millimeter higher than your left.
I'd give you Botox here, here.
Your breasts could go one size bigger and finish off with some abdominal lipo.
Ease every problem there is.
- Would you have to fix anything? CHRISTIAN: Liposuction right here.
Now your boobs, lift them just a little bit.
Here.
Here.
- You are a model of physical perfection.
- But I can be better.
CHRISTIAN: I've identified these as my problem areas.
Diet? Is that what we tell the 20 people a week who come in here? We're in the quick-fix biz.
- I think you could go up to a Double-D.
- A C.
Can I go bigger? WOMAN: I wanna do whatever it takes to be beautiful.
CHRISTIAN: Beauty is symmetry and you don't have any.
"Tell us what you don't like about yourselves.
" Is that what you still ask all your consults? Well done, you remembered.
- Yep.
- Do you remember us? Of course.
Maureen and Marshall Ayers from Miami.
- First came to see us in '02, right? - Yeah, yeah.
Real-estate brokers, right? "If you want someone who cares, buy your home from Ayers.
" Yeah, we figured that getting dual facelifts would help to boost our business back then.
The housing market was so hot, you needed to do anything to compete.
Image was everything, and projecting success meant looking younger.
Of course.
And those are ours too, aren't they? Yep.
Oh, and my calf implants.
- Still look great, don't they? - Yeah.
CHRISTIAN: Huh? What brings you to Los Angeles? - You guys.
CHRISTIAN: What were you thinking? Maybe a feather lift, or remove some of the puffiness around the eyes? We want you to reverse everything.
You guys sold us a bad bill of goods.
So let me get this straight, you want us to undo your facelifts? - And take out the implants.
- So you can look worse? So we can look real.
[SCOFFS.]
Forgive me, but for your ages you both look pretty good.
Pretty good? I think they look great.
The issue is not about undoing anything.
It's about teaching you about the techniques that we use today.
You don't get it.
It's not about refining a procedure.
It's the whole concept.
Look, back in the 1940s doctors recommended cigarettes to their patients to calm them down.
Now, look what we know about those cancer sticks.
It's no different.
Nobody died from looking too young or too beautiful.
If you wanna take them out, fine.
Do whatever you gotta do.
It's not gonna cost you less than when we put them in.
We were hoping there would be no charge.
Our business has dropped over 50 percent in the last three years.
It's because of how we look.
We used to be the faces you could trust.
With this tightness, we look like we're just advertising our own self-loathing.
Would you buy a house from someone like that? MARSHALL: We made the choice to get the work done but we were led to believe that society accepted it.
You know, the times, they are a-changing and if you guys don't keep up you're gonna get swept away, just like us.
Oh, Sean, Christian, would you grow up, for God's sakes? God's sakes.
Dr.
Cruz? Hi, I'm Daniella Creighton.
- Your friendly drug dealer.
- Oh, right.
Very cute.
- Chicken? - I think it's a turkey.
[CHUCKLES.]
So, what's the new groundbreaking anesthesia I must have? Sunedra.
Fospropofol disodium and it converts into Propofol once inside the body.
Okay, well, hit me.
Why is Sunedra better, in 10 words or less? Heh.
Eliminates negative aftereffects of general anesthesia eighty-nine percent of time.
- Just made it.
- Ha-ha.
- Was that 10? - Yeah, that was 10.
What is it, Lizzy? We came as soon as we heard your shriek.
- Does this belong to you? - The turkey? I've never seen that turkey in my life.
Dr.
Troy, how are you? - Daniella Creighton.
CHRISTIAN: Great.
- Penkala Pharmaceuticals.
- Sean McNamara.
- Nice to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you too.
I've got some great discounts.
Uh Two of our best clients recently took early retirement so we're overstocked.
- Really? Anybody we know? - Dr.
Chaiken and Dr.
Gaines.
Chuck Gaines.
Jesus, he's younger than I am.
Yeah, I think he got depressed.
He kept saying how plastic surgery was over and he didn't wanna be the last one to turn the lights out.
So will you take a look at the clinical test results and get back to me? - I sure will.
- Even if it's a no.
I will.
- It was really nice meeting you.
- It was really nice meeting you.
- Yeah, see you.
DANIELLA: Ciao.
Wow.
- Was she really coming on to me.
- She was wearing a wedding ring.
Yeah, so? Married women have flirted with me before.
- I mean, it's called "bi-curious.
" - It's called "buy my stuff.
" You know, I don't think she was here just to sell me drugs.
I mean, after 30 years of being a lesbian I think that I have some instincts about these things, you know.
Fine.
Just be careful, okay? You only have one kidney left.
Oh, you turkey.
Wow.
Couples coming in to have their plastic surgery reversed.
Doctors like Gaines closing their doors.
This might be a trend we're looking at.
Jesus, one couple are retiring and you start to panic.
I'm just saying, it might be smart to diversify maybe bring on a dermatologist to do more fillers.
You ever eaten at Lawry's? It didn't change its menu when the whole country decided to change its eating habits.
It stuck with what it did best: Meats, potatoes, salads.
Plastic surgery will die when people look in themselves for beauty and self-esteem.
And a herd of geese will fly up my ass.
You are the perfect candidate for injectables.
- You a smoker, Sean? - No.
- Never? - No.
You drink, though.
Looking at your face l'd say you're a "three Scotch a night" man.
This crepy area here, dehydration.
Nothing turns you into an old man faster.
I can see I need some help.
What is your plan? I'd start with 15 cc's of Cosmoderm in the lip lines.
Been feeling a little bitter and judgmental lately? Now no one will know what you're thinking.
They'll just be drawn to your positive, boyish charm.
and definitely some Botox.
How amazing is that? SEAN: Hmm.
- Not bad.
- Stay there.
I don't do this for everyone, but you are so cute.
But you don't feel the winds of change.
Plastic surgery is just not cool anymore.
We're being called to a higher purpose.
People just feel wrong about self-mutilation for youth and prestige.
And who has two weeks recovery time? It is so 2004.
So toxins and face fillers are your higher purpose? What's yours, dare I ask? I haven't found it yet, but at the moment I just mutilate people for youth and prestige.
[CHUCKLES.]
Call me the face of 2004.
[FOOTSTEPS.]
Did you have a chance to read the results from the clinical trials? No.
I'm sorry, but I have not.
Mm.
- Listen, um - Dani.
Dani.
[SIGHS.]
Uh I feel very comfortable staying with the Propofol.
I'm used to it and l'm just gonna stay with it.
Okay, then.
- Well, it was nice to have met you.
- Very nice to meet you too.
You wouldn't wanna I don't know, um have lunch with me some time, would you? I promise, no shoptalk.
How do you feel your husband is gonna feel about that? We're separated.
But you're right.
I'm sorry.
I just I have these thoughts fantasies and I never act on them, but you just You seem so - Available? Beautiful.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just I'm going through a phase.
I don't eat lunch.
We always have a lot of yogurt here.
On the other hand I am very partial to dinner.
[SIGHS.]
I'm never gonna have a facelift.
Botox maybe, but no facelifts.
CHRISTIAN: That's the reason you're an anesthesiologist, Lizzy and not a successful surgeon like myself.
- Not willing to go the distance.
- You're dead wrong, smarty pants.
The reason I became an anesthesiologist is so that I could switch my specialties whenever I wanted.
Call me in a year when you're standing over an empty table and I'm making bank over at the Heart Institute at Cedars.
[HUMMING.]
CHRISTIAN: Oh.
Look who's here, fancy pants.
Huh? You look good.
Get an extra hour of sleep? Is that why you're late? - Yeah, you look like a different person.
- Well, I went to see Jill Jacobson yesterday.
I sampled from her injectables menu.
Why did you go to her? We can do anything she does.
Dermatologists specialize in that kind of treatment and they do a much better job.
Fine, okay? But when the stuff wears off, I don't want you going back to her.
If anybody should be stabbing you with a needle, it's me.
Not competition.
She's not the competition anymore.
I hired her this morning.
You can't hire without my approval.
Don't worry.
You'll love her.
You're having dinner with her tomorrow night.
- Christian Troy? - That's me.
Have a seat.
We're running a little behind today.
CHRISTIAN: Hmm.
[SIGHS.]
Hey.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Is it always this busy? No.
It's usually worse.
- So you come here quite a bit, then.
- Every six weeks.
Wow.
- That must be awful.
- No, it's not so bad.
Just like getting a haircut.
I meant, wasting time on something that doesn't work.
I beg your pardon.
You do realize that if you only use injectables you'll never be satisfied.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
There's the high of looking good when you get it done.
But then you start seeing the spots the doctor missed right away.
Like these lines, here.
Of course, the doctor is only too willing to squeeze you in.
- It's more money for her.
- Thank you for seeing me again.
Good to have you back.
- Just right here, I noticed.
- Okay.
You can't argue with the results, though.
If you're looking for real value, for the long-lasting results the only thing you can rely on is a qualified surgeon.
Anyone? Great.
Thank you.
Lois? What happened here? - I thought we were overbooked.
- They all got a better offer.
[EXHALES.]
How dare you get rid of my patients like that? They left of their own free will.
Only after you fed them some bullshit line about the marvels of plastic surgery.
Actually, it was an educated decision based on years of practice.
Of course, I didn't do a one-year course at a community college to become a beautician.
So I'm sure that I missed out on some of the finer points.
Oh, I get it.
This is some kind of test to see what I'm made of before we start working together.
Oh, we're not working together, sweet cheeks.
My partner needed my approval for you to come aboard and I came to tell you that I don't approve.
- Things are really bad, aren't they? - Excuse me.
The business.
It must be or you wouldn't look like such shit.
- Ha-ha-ha.
- I think you need my help.
- I got a better idea.
You come to my office and I'll fill out that cleavage.
What are you, an A cup? Is that a problem for you? That and your pancake ass, but we could fix that too.
Hmm.
And what exactly would you do to my ass, Dr.
Troy? Why don't you just give us a quick look here, huh? This ass? There's a lot I could do with that.
Could definitely take you up to a C cup.
Should we lock the door? Why, huh? All your patients are gone.
Actually, there's probably another 10 out there right now.
See, I can book every 15 minutes for 8 hours.
But since you're part of the old guard [LAUGHS.]
I guess you'll never get to experience what I really had to offer you which was a future.
Tell Sean I said "thanks for the opportunity.
" I will.
And if you change your mind about the C cup, you let me know.
Shit.
Just a minute.
[SIGHS.]
Butterfingers.
- Come on in.
Come on in.
- Thank you.
I'd keep your shoes on.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- It's beautiful here, huh? - Oh, thank you.
So would you like some wine? I got some white and some red that my husband brought back from Napa.
Uh He's an expert.
I think he knew more about wines than he knew about me.
Oh, God, I didn't even ask if you drank.
I've heard that most lesbians are alcoholics.
Oh.
Well, I must be in the sober minority.
I prefer red.
- Me too.
Isn't that wild? - Yeah.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Can I use this? - Oh, God.
- Help coming.
To the rescue.
- Oh, good.
- Is this your first date with a woman? - Is it that obvious? [CHUCKLES.]
Just a little bit.
Look, believe me, I'm not just experimenting.
I'm, like, 75 percent sure that I'm gay.
Seventy-five percent, huh? Hmm? I've I've always been attracted to women.
And Then there's the fact that in all the years with my husband I never once had You know - Hmm.
- Well, bottoms up.
Oh, shit, I didn't mean that.
What you doing? I am taking care of the other 25 percent.
It's just I've never And I just don't want you to expect too much.
I don't expect anything.
Okay? I just want you to have a good time.
I don't care if you orgasm.
Just trust me, it's gonna be okay.
All right? Okay.
I trust you.
[MOANING.]
You might wanna call your injectables wench.
Tell her she won't be having a job here.
I'm not budging on that one.
So don't tax your already overworked brain trying to talk me out of it.
Yeah, I think we're on the same page about that.
- Whoa.
What happened to you? - Too much filler.
- You went back a second time.
- And a third.
- And a third.
- Yeah, laugh away, pal.
- You're gonna be doing the correction.
- I'm not laughing.
Five cc's of Hyaluronidase wherever she injected me.
So, fellas, I just got off the phone with a Bernie Greenstein who says he's representing the Ayers, and they are filing a lawsuit against us.
Claiming loss of income due to misrepresentation and malpractice.
Oh, my God, look at you.
Who did you piss off? Don't.
He's trying to get a court order to see a list of our patients hoping that there are more disgruntled folks.
- Bernie Green-dick is an asshole.
And everything he touches turns to tabloid headlines, okay? Can we put the lawsuit aside and bring the swelling down, please.
You were wrong.
We have plenty to worry about.
All people need to do is hear the name McNamara/Troy in context with a lawsuit and we're screwed.
Ow.
I can't worry about that.
There's nothing we can do.
It's all over anyway.
The whole pursuit of perfection is a gigantic hoax.
- Nothing changes.
- We need to put up a fight, all right? I'm gonna get a feather lift and you'll give it to me.
And you're gonna show the world what we do here.
Ow.
That would do what, besides take you out of surgery for a week? You'll be the poster boy for injectables.
I'll be the face of the business and the future of plastic surgery.
All right, old man.
- You sure you're ready to do this? - Hold on, I didn't get that.
Wait, can you say your line again for me, please? What are you doing? It's okay, she's filming this.
I asked her to.
We're gonna put the whole thing on YouTube.
SEAN: The surgery? CHRISTIAN: Yes, it's pioneering.
Just like we use to be.
Any luck, this whole thing will go viral and the world will get to see just how easy a facelift can be these days.
Oh, yeah, that'll work.
We get a half a million hits, you wait.
We'll go from being sued to being stars again.
Huh? Look, I know it makes you a little anxious being on camera, messy TV-star guy.
- So just pretend it's not there, okay? - Okay.
Okay.
Now, say your line again and do it good.
Uh Are you sure you're ready to do this? Abso Absolutely, doc.
- Let's operate.
- Music.
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER STEREO.]
Sweet dreams.
[CHRISTIAN MOANS SOFTLY.]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING IN DISTANCE.]
[REPORTERS CLAMORING.]
Can you feel it? I mean, the energy is just electrifying.
And in a few minutes, we'll be at the end of an era.
And everybody who is anybody who no longer looks the way they use to will be here tonight.
Speaking of that, look who is here.
It's Dr.
Sean McNamara.
- Hello.
Don't you look dashing? - Sean.
Well, when they told me that we'd be celebrating the demise of plastic surgery tonight I knew I couldn't show up in scrubs.
- And this is your date? - Yes, this is my new partner, Curtis.
- I love your outfit.
- Well, thank you.
My daughter picked it out.
Oh, hello.
Don't tell me.
Valentino, right? Crocodile collection.
I have the same thing in my closet.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Well, we should get going.
We're already late as it is.
Sean, wait.
JOAN: Ah! Look who's here.
The one man who single-handedly destroyed the fine art of plastic surgery: Dr.
Christian Troy.
What are you doing, trying to crash the party? - I have to stop him.
- Lf anyone needs to be stopped I think it's you.
Maybe you'll learn from the lawsuit.
What do you think about that? Hey, doc, who are you wearing? Oh.
Yeah, I got him right here.
Oh, sir, I'm sorry.
This is a private party.
You can't come in.
Your name, it's not even on the list.
Please step back.
Sean, wait.
Wait.
- Such a pretty pig, isn't he? - Very pretty.
- But do you think he's done? - Only one way to find out.
Ahem.
Oh.
Ew.
A little overdone, I'd say.
Ladies, I am so sorry that you don't like your meal.
But he just refused to let me tenderize him first.
Look, we're starving.
Now there has to be something that we can do.
- Let's ask the man himself, shall we? - Good idea.
ALL: Tell us what you don't like about yourself.
- Everything.
- How can you say that? - Look at me.
- Look at me.
I'm on the wrong side of 40.
I got a fake tit from a one-in-a-million cancer.
I can't lose the pounds like I used to.
My hair keeps falling out.
My entire livelihood has become the Enron of surgical procedures.
And now, my closest friend my biggest supporter is leaving me.
Oh, quit being so negative.
You sound like Sean.
When you show no fear, you project confidence.
And your life will always have the appearance of success.
And image is everything.
Is it not? So what can you do for me then? Have you thought about injectables? They really are the future.
This is bullshit.
I'll get Sean to do the surgery.
Thanks so much for doing this.
Are you kidding? I've been waiting 20 years to highlight all your flaws.
Why, do I have a lot? Well, for starters, you're pompous, self-centered and almost sociopathic in your complete disregard for anyone besides yourself.
Have almost no talent in the operating room.
But you've managed to make an entire career riding on my coattails all the while insisting that you're the one who is the real star.
For the longest time I actually admired you for how easily life seemed to bend to your will how women fell at your feet.
And then I grew to hate you for how careless and single-minded you could be.
Now I just think it's sad.
Because for someone who's so desperate to succeed and get recognition I see just how lonely you really are.
And when I'm gone, you'll have no one left in your life who cares for you.
And you will die alone.
Am I really this ugly? Don't be upset.
Let your shortcomings and your flaws fuel you.
Let them push you further than you ever thought you could go.
When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead, buddy boy.
- I'm so sorry about what happened.
- Don't be.
I'm not dead.
I have so much silicone in me I stayed afloat for days.
Don't worry about it.
It's okay.
Come on.
I've had a really long day.
- I missed you so much.
- Prove it.
KIMBER: You couldn't save me, honey.
Nobody could.
Goodbye, Christian.
Don't worry, I'll never leave you.
Who are you? You don't see the family resemblance? Come, give your dad a hug.
Get out of my house.
You're not my father.
You're a monster.
You can try and deny where you came from as much as you want.
But you'll always be Daddy's little boy.
[GRUNTING.]
Are you trying to rearrange my face? Just like you're doing to your own on the surgery table right now? [LAUGHING.]
[CHRISTIAN PANTING.]
Ah Stop fighting who you are.
My darkness is a part of you.
You have my DNA, Christian.
You have my DNA.
You'll have to admit, you did a lot of heavy lifting on your own.
No, Sean, please.
Don't hurt me.
Oh, it'll be over before you know it.
Did you know that getting a facelift is the physiological equivalent of going through a windshield at 60 miles an hour? Please.
Please, don't.
I'm begging you.
[CHRISTIAN MOANS.]
- I can bring him out now.
- We're done.
Turn that thing off.
[GROANS.]
Huh.
Never let me give a patient a hard time about the pain again.
Aah-ha-ha! Oh.
You know, under normal circumstances, I'd rub it in.
But because you did it for the business l'm gonna increase your morphine regime and say, thank you.
What do you think? Well, I thought you looked good already.
You didn't do this because of a lawsuit or took one for the team.
You did it because you wanted a facelift.
[CHUCKLES.]
I noticed it while I was shaving a couple of months ago.
Nothing anybody would see, but I do this for a living.
Everyone gets older, Christian.
You know, and you're one of those lucky ones.
- You're only gonna get better looking.
- Hmm.
You know why I have relationships that never last? Or why I trade in my car every six months? - ADD? A complete lack of a soul? - No.
I hate change.
Terrified by it.
I don't like it when things end.
I like to end them myself, on my own terms.
- Keeps you from getting hurt, huh? - Also keeps me alone.
I just can't accept when things are over.
When things are perfect you know - Life is not perfect.
Life is messy.
Sometimes life is very messy.
- Are we still talking about me? - I am talking about life.
You know? And wanting things to be perfect and getting disappointed over and over and over because it's never gonna be.
And what happens? You end up being alone.
Hmm.
Depressing.
I slept with Daniella.
She's great, okay? She's absolutely great.
And she's gorgeous, and she's funny and gorgeous and, you know, I think: - Mm-hm.
Okay, I've waited and this is my reward, right? We were making love and she's having this orgasm that's just [CHRISTIAN LAUGHS.]
you know, and then she - She what? - I can't even say it.
- Ejaculated? - Like a fire hose.
- Are you serious? Ha-ha.
- I almost drowned.
It's not funny.
- It's pretty funny.
- I mean, I told her.
I said it's okay.
I don't mind it.
I think of it as a compliment.
- But the truth is - The truth is you're just like me.
You want life to be easy and clean.
And that's a damn shame.
[KNOCKING.]
DANIELLA: Who is it? - It's me, Liz.
Can I come in? - I don't think so.
- Please.
Look I know I didn't call you and it's only because - You were repulsed and disgusted.
- No.
- Shocked.
- Thanks.
Only because it was unexpected.
And it freaked me out and I got scared.
It's not you.
I thought that women who could, you know You know - Squirt.
- Yeah, squirt.
I thought they only existed in lesbian porn.
But you are so real.
And I don't wanna give up on someone who I feel so connected to because of my ignorance.
You are wonderful and I am so sorry.
MAN: Hey, hon, who is it? Um It's Dr.
Elizabeth Cruz for McNamara/Troy.
She's a client of mine and we discovered that we're neighbors so I told her if there was any samples she wanted, she could just stop by.
This is my husband, Edward.
- Hi, nice to meet you, Dr.
Cruz.
- Nice to meet you.
Whatever she's selling you can't go wrong.
- Right.
- How about I walk you out? - Sure.
- I'll be right back, sweetie.
- Okay.
Sure.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Are you going back to your husband? I can't do it, Liz.
I can't.
I can't be gay.
You are gay.
Maybe.
But at least with him I'm normal.
I don't do that.
You're gonna miss out on a lot of joy.
Being like that doesn't bring me joy.
It's just not how I see myself.
It's just not It's not how I want to see myself.
- I'm so sorry.
- Me too.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
That's the kind of call you like to get from your lawyer.
The Ayers didn't have a case.
The only thing they had is balls for trying to sue us.
Too bad.
They could have gotten a feather lift for half off instead.
I think you getting that surgery helped our case.
So you're saying that that inflated ego of mine could have helped us for a change? Just saying.
You really put your money where your mouth was.
- And I admire that.
- Good.
To our continued success.
- Cheers.
- Yes, cheers.
- You're not drinking? That's bad luck.
- No, I'm still recovering.
You know, I don't wanna get all swelled up, look like I came from Jill Jacobson's office.
- Oh, yeah.
That wouldn't be good.
- That would not be, yeah.
Hey, fellas, have you seen this? Your surgery is one of the featured videos on YouTube.
SEAN: You're kidding? - Wow.
- It's already a quarter of a million hits.
- Look, it's over 300,000 now.
- See that.
I told you it would be a hit.
- Yeah, look at that.
Over 40,000 comments.
People are trying to get in contact.
There any way we get our number on this? This is like free advertising.
I told you that lawsuit would be the best thing to happen to this business.
LIZ: Uh You know l'm not sure that everybody else is as enthused about this as you are.
"What a barbaric thing to do to someone.
" "Anyone think plastic surgery makes sense anymore?" "This is disgusting.
" "Facelifts are so 2004.
" Oh, come on.
Can't be all of them.
Give me this thing.
Maybe I need to post a follow-up now that I'm fully healed.
What do you guys think? [SIGHS.]