Friends s06e18 Episode Script

Hey.
I just got my teacher evaluations.
Look what this student wrote.
"I loved Dr.
Geller's class.
Mind-blowing lectures.
Dr.
Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the Paleontology Department.
" "Hotties of Paleontology.
" There's a big-selling calendar, eh? -Who wrote it? -The evaluations are all anonymous.
-You still have their exams? -Yeah.
You could just match the handwriting and, boom, there's your admirer.
A hot girl's at stake, and he becomes Rain Man.
Wait a minute.
Why are we so sure that this is a girl? It's a girl! Anyway, it wouldn't matter, okay? Because I'm a teacher.
She's a student.
-It's against the rules? -It's frowned upon.
-Besides, there's a big age difference.
-When you're 90-- I know, she'll be 80 and it won't seem like such a big difference.
No, that's not what I was gonna say at all.
When you're 90, you'll still have the memory of being with a 20-year-old.
The One Where Ross Dates A Student Gelula/SDI Chandler, you know your college friend who became a movie director? Oh yeah, Dana Keystone.
She was in my movement class.
-What's a movement class? -He's pretending he didn't take mime.
She's directing a new AI Pacino movie.
You gotta get me an audition.
I haven't talked to her in, like, 1 0 years.
Please, Chandler, I would owe you so much.
You do owe me so much.
You owe me 3000-- Hey, hey, dude.
Why you changing the subject? What? -Will you make the call? -Okay, I'll try.
Thanks.
Last auditions are Thursday, so I gotta get in by Thursday.
Just remember Thursday.
Can you remember Thursday? Yeah, so Tuesday? Thursday! Just think of it like this: The third day.
Monday, one day.
Tuesday, two day.
Wednesday.
.
.
.
When, huh, what day? Thursday! The third day, okay? -Thank you.
-Okay.
-I'm gonna check my messages.
-You thought of that in there? Sure, nature called.
She wants to see who else did.
Hello? Rachel.
Someone is in our apartment.
Call the cops! You're on the phone! -Oh, my God! -What? Oh, my God! Thank you! Fire department put out a fire at our place! -Oh, my God! How bad was it? -It was a fire, I'm guessing not good.
-Come on, we gotta go! -Yeah, come on.
What are you smiling about? The part I want to audition for is a fireman.
This is so meant to be! You were very generous with your grades this semester.
-Professor Geller? -Yeah? -I really enjoyed your class.
-Oh, thank you.
Thanks very much.
I'm a little embarrassed about calling you a "hottie.
" -That was you? -Yeah.
I felt a little weird about it.
You're a teacher.
I'm a student.
Want to go out sometime? That's not the best idea.
Oh, because I was thinking, the semester's over.
-You're not my teacher anymore.
-What time? Oh, you know what? Forget it.
I see you already gave me an A.
-Gotcha.
-I'm kidding! God! So seriously, what time? Coming through.
Coming through.
Oh! Hello.
Hi.
Right.
Coming through! Okay.
Well, it's not so bad.
Most of the damage was contained in the bedrooms.
Hey, buddy, think I could borrow your uniform this Thursday? -Excuse me? -Joey! He's working.
You would look good in that.
Oh, how bad is it? It's bad, it's really bad.
The only thing that isn't burned is an ax, which I do not remember buying.
-How's your room? -Everything's ruined.
My bed, my clothes.
Look at my favorite sweater.
Isn't that mine? Fine.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You won't be able to live here for a while.
You have a place to stay? Oh! Wow! Okay, look, pal.
.
.
.
.
.
I am not in the mood to be hit on right now.
But if you give me your number, I'll call you sometime.
Yes, they can stay with us.
Do you know what started the fire, Mr.
Fireman? Well, do either of you smoke? No, not usually.
But yeah, I could use one now.
Thanks.
-Do you light candles, burn incense? -Yes, I do all the time.
I love them! Oh, my God, I did it! It's me, it's me! I burned down the house! Okay, Phoebe, calm down.
There's no need to place blame.
Okay? I warned her about those candles.
It's great to catch up.
I can't believe how long it's been.
Hey, Chandler, is that.
.
.
? -Oh, that's great, good for you.
-So, is it.
.
.
? Okay.
So, yeah, maybe we can get together.
.
.
.
Can you hold on for one second? What? Do you want to get a pizza later? Hi, I'm back.
Yeah, that sounds great.
We'll do it then.
Okay, bye.
When's my audition? I know it's Thursday, but what time? Hi.
We didn't get to the audition.
I'm taking her to coffee.
We'll do it then.
Now you're going on a date with this girl? I haven't talked to her in 1 0 years.
You can't just call up and ask somebody for a favor.
There are rules, you know? You gotta put in some time.
Right, I'm sorry.
-It's not like she's an ex-girlfriend.
-We only went out once.
You dated her?! Not once.
Why don't I just go out with an ex, you know, and do Joey a favor? You want to do Joey a favor? Maybe you go out with Joey.
That's great.
My friend Joey's in the movie business.
You know who I ran into from school? Howie.
My friend's name is Joey.
Apparently, Howie's editing now.
Yeah, he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie.
Can you believe that? You know, I haven't spoken to him in 1 0 years.
.
.
.
.
.
and he asks me for a favor? Yeah, I've always hated that Howie.
No "How you doing?" Man, I mean, not even a cup of coffee first.
-The nerve, huh? -Yeah.
Refill? This is last-minute, so I want to apologize for the mess.
Oh, who cares? Oh, my God! It sure didn't look this way when I lived here.
I know! But there's only room for one, so one of you will have to stay at Joey's.
Since the fire was kind of my fault, you should get to stay here.
Hey, hey, now.
This was no one's fault.
It was an accident.
It was my fault.
You should get the nice room.
Okay! You're the first guest at "Hotel Monica.
" Hotel Monica! Just tell me how you like your eggs.
I thought I'd bring them to you in bed.
-You've been through so much.
-I have.
This right here is where I keep the pizza.
And that's where the napkin is.
-What's that smell? -I know! I don't.
.
.
? Oh, please, it was such a big class.
You never even noticed me.
What? Of course I did.
You sat next to "Sleepy Sleeperson.
" Who? Oh.
I had trouble remembering names, so I came up with nicknames.
The guy on the other side of you was "Smelly Von Brown Shirt.
" Oh, yeah.
-So did you have a nickname for me? -No.
No.
Yes, you did.
What was it? "Cutie McPretty.
" Oh, that's so sweet! Listen, I gotta tell you, I'm having a great time.
You said it might be weird, the whole student/teacher thing? And to be frank, I thought it would be too.
But it's not.
I mean, it's not at all.
-Dr.
Geller! -Burt! Did you sleep well last night? -I did.
-Yeah? Monica was so sweet.
She left a little mint on my pillow.
Know what Joey left on my pillow? Gum.
-We determined the cause of the fire.
-I know.
It was my candle, my candle! No, there was an appliance left on.
It looks like a curling iron.
-I don't use a curling iron.
-Someone does.
Don't look at me, my hair's straight.
Straight, straight, straight.
-It could've been a hair-straightener.
-Oh.
This is where I keep the pizza.
And-- Hey, where'd the napkin go? I wouldn't want my best guest to strain her eyes.
Thanks, Monica.
-Does that smell bother you? -From Joey's? I can hardly smell it over here.
Well, you let me know if you can.
I can bake a pie to cover it.
-I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
-Okay.
Hello? One minute, please.
It's the fire inspector.
Hello? Yeah, this is Phoebe.
Really? Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair-straightener.
.
.
.
.
.
that started the fire.
No, no.
It was the candles.
Yeah.
It's very not good leaving candles unattended.
In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is.
.
.
.
.
.
okay, well I have to go now.
We had such a great time.
She's incredible.
I thought the age difference might be a problem, but it wasn't.
Elizabeth is very mature for her age.
A concept lost on some people.
It's okay to date a student? Well, not really.
Technically, it's not against the rules.
But it's frowned upon, especially by the professor we saw last night: "Judgy Von Holier-than-thou.
" You don't want to get a reputation as "Professor McNails-his-students.
" -Yeah.
What should I do? -Well, it seems pretty clear.
What's more important? What people think or how you feel? -You gotta follow your heart.
-Joey, that's so sweet.
-Hi.
-Hey! So how'd it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open? Say, Thursday? -I couldn't do it.
-You couldn't do it? I need more time.
We're going to dinner.
You're going out with her again? -Going out with who? -Dana Keystone, from college.
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't she.
.
.
? No, that was Dana Kaplan.
Oh.
-Joey, you didn't even know her! -Yeah, whatever.
Great story again.
The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo! You know, actually I should get going.
Oh, no, no, stay! Because you should stay.
Wow.
Oh, I am really flattered.
But I just.
.
.
.
I don't feel that way about you.
Oh, no, no.
That's not-- I'm sorry, Chandler.
You know, you're such a sweet guy.
.
.
.
.
.
and I don't want to hurt you.
I wish I could do something to make you feel better.
No-- Really? Of course.
Well, it just hurts so bad, l.
.
.
.
Oh, I'm sorry.
-Maybe there is one thing you can do.
-What? Anything.
Anything.
Well, I mean, this is just off the top of my head now.
But I have this friend-- This actor friend.
He would kill me if he knew that I was doing this.
But.
.
.
.
.
.
would it be possible for him to audition for your movie on Thursday? Absolutely.
But.
.
.
.
.
.
you'd really feel better if your friend could audition for my movie? The heart wants what it wants.
Bye.
Hey! How's it going? Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.
Yes, it has.
I made cookies! I'm still full from your homemade potato chips.
But you should eat them now, because they're hot from the oven.
Okay.
But not in here! Can't eat them in bed, remember? No crummies! Oh.
Okay, I'll be out in a second.
Okay.
-What are you doing? -This doesn't lock, does it? -Oh! Joey, I'm sorry.
-It's all right, don't worry about it.
But look! That's gonna leave a stain.
Rach, hey, it's fine.
You're at Joey's.
-Really? -Yeah, look.
Yeah.
-I've never lived like this before.
-I know.
Well, don't waste it.
I mean, it's still food.
What do you want to do now? Want to get a drink? I can't.
-Oh, you have some studying to do? -No, I have some turning 21 to do.
You know, I remember when I was in college, we used to-- -What are you doing? -Nothing, I'm so comfortable with you.
Do you not want to be seen with me? No, of course I do.
Are they gone? No, they're still here.
But I think I'm about to leave.
What? No, no, wait, wait-- You're right, this is stupid.
Who cares what people think? I mean, we like each other, right? There's nothing wrong with that.
Come on.
Burt.
Lydia.
Mel.
-This is Elizabeth.
-Hi.
Aren't you in my popular culture class? That's right, Lydia.
Elizabeth is a student.
And we're dating.
And you may frown upon that but.
.
.
.
.
.
we're not gonna hide it anymore.
You are so fired.
-What? -They'll fire you.
You can't date her.
It's against the rules.
Really? It's not just frowned upon? I love it at Joey's! -Nice! -Thanks.
So, you busy Thursday? Oh, very funny.
Remember? My audition was supposed to be Thursday.
You got me the audition? Let's hug it up! Okay, okay! What are you gonna do to me if you get the part? -Hey.
-Hi.
Yeah, okay, I need to talk to you.
I know they said the hair-straightener started the fire.
But I think I'm partly at fault.
You see, I didn't tell you, but.
.
.
.
.
.
I had recently refilled the tissues.
And so, let's face it, that's just kindling.
So I think it's fair that I stay at Joey's.
No, no, no, this was my fault.
-Besides, I'm fine here.
-Okay.
-Chandler, Monica's looking for you.
-Really? -She said something about crummies.
-No, no, no! I was so careful.
You have to switch with me.
Monica is driving me crazy.
That's right.
All the ladies want to stay at Joey's.
No, I don't want to switch.
Please! I can throw wet paper towels here! No, but at Monica's, you can eat cookies over the sink.
I know.
I'm sorry.
All right, fine.
This looks like so much fun.
God, what a mess.
Wow, it actually is in the handbook.
I can't date you or have a hot plate in my office.
I can't believe we have to stop seeing each other.
For what it's worth, I did appreciate you standing up for me.
That felt really nice.
Kind of made me like you even more.
I know, I know.
I really like you too.
But we can't date.
It's against the rules.
It's forbidden.
Wow.
What? Just hearing you describe it as "forbidden" .
.
.
.
.
.
it's really hot.
Really? Yeah.
Well, I don't care how hot it is, it's wrong.
-Stop it.
-No, no.
It's wrong.
It's naughty.
It's.
.
.
.
.
.
taboo.
Shut the book.
Hey.
Let's also get a hot plate.
Hey.
Hey.
So? So.
.
.
? It's Thursday! How was the audition? It's-- Monday, one day.
Tuesday, two day.
Wednesday, what day-- Oh!