The Wonder Years s06e18 Episode Script

¢ÜWhen I grow up to be a man¢Ü If there's one way to describe adolescence It might be this ¢ÜWill I dig the same things¢Ü It's a gamble.
¢ÜThat turn me on as as a kid¢Ü An adventure into the unexpected.
¢ÜWill I look back and say¢Ü A step into the unknown.
¢ÜThat I wish I hadn't done what I did?¢Ü It's a time of life that pits hope against fear.
¢ÜWill I joke around¢Ü And logic against prayer.
¢ÜAnd still dig those sounds¢Ü A game of luckand opportunity.
¢ÜWhen I grow up to be a man¢Ü Not unlike, say, for instance Poker.
Alright - I call.
Pair of queens.
So let's see 'em.
Two twos.
Nothin' but ace-high.
Two pair.
Nines and fours.
The bi-monthly, Friday-night, high-stakes poker game.
Jeff? Junior year It was ritual.
Three kings.
Don't worry guys.
It's goin' to a good cause.
Me.
Course, it was more than Just a rotating tournament, depending on whose parents where out for the evening and it was about more than just cold hard cash.
OK - nickel ante.
This game was defined by personality.
Ours.
OK, boys.
How about a little night baseball, huh? Nines are wild Threes are wild.
Any picture-card with facial hairwild.
There was the over-enthusiastic Straight poker.
And the all-American.
Paul, your bet.
There was the cautious I dont' know - lemme think for a sec.
Paul? While we're still young? And, the impatient.
OK Three cents.
And of course The supremely confident.
Aquarter.
A quarter? That's kinda steep, isn't it? Quarter.
And despite our different styles We maintained the easy give-and-take of friendship That I knew would endure well into the future.
Don't put the glass right on the table.
My father'll kill me if he sees a stain.
I'm fairly certain these old chairs of yours are aggravating my prostate.
This hand's an all-time beaut.
You should frame it.
Hang it on the wall.
OK, thenwho needs cards? Gimme four.
Anyone else? Three.
Uh, give me two.
Uh, uh, no wait, umbetter make that three.
Jeff? None.
None? You sure? I fold.
I fold.
Well, then Guess I'm the lucky winner.
Still, we weren't old men yet.
We were teenage boys.
Innocent.
Uncomplicated.
So, is anyone hungry? - Hungry.
- Let's go.
I got chips The eight-o'clock snack break.
A chance to mix simple pleasantries with Complex carbohydrates and starch.
I can't believe it.
Do you guys have any idea what you are putting into your bodies? What do you mean - this isn't healthy? I'd hate to see your digestive tract in ten years.
Tell ya what - you don't ask, and I won't offer, alright? Kev, don't you have any fruit in this house? Yeah, it's on the bottom.
No, all I see here is an apple pie.
Right.
Apple's a fruit.
Forget it.
I got an orange in my car.
Least I plan ahead.
Boy, he doesn't quit, does he? What do you mean? Well, it's just that he's kinda like, umhow shall I say it? Not fun.
A major downer.
What are you guys talking about? Uh, Kev? About the ski-trip over Spring vacation Yeah, we're all still goin', right? See the thing iswe don't think we're gonna have room for Pfeiffer.
Well, what do ya mean? I thoughtall of us were goin'.
Well, it's not Paul so much.
It's just that, uh Chuck's car only-only fits four people.
You can check the manual.
And my uncle's cabin only has four beds.
So, what are you guys trying to say? Even though it was pretty clear.
So, what did I miss? Now, Paul Pfeiffer has been my best friend For seventeen years.
I'd always told him everything.
Nothing.
Really.
No, we were just, uh Talking.
Well, come on guys.
Let's get back to the game.
After all, Paul was just being himself.
Want an orange? No, thanks.
Come on.
As opposed, to say Some of the rest of us.
Chuck, the bet is a quarter.
You threw in a nickel.
Uhright.
Quarter.
By eight-thirty, Chuck Coleman's natural ebullience was fading fast.
So, Chuck - what's wrong with you? Nothin'! I justhave some stuff on my mind.
What kind of stuff? Uh, you know Ehme and Alice.
What - are you guys fighting again? No, it's nothing like that.
Well, if you're not fighting, what are you two doing? There are moments in life That alter history And change the course of human events.
You didn't This was one of them.
Alright, Chuck! Way to go, Coleman.
It was a stirring revelation which merited only one response.
You know, I hope you used some kind of protection.
Huh? I said, I hope you used protection.
Course I did, Pfeiffer.
I mean, what kind of stooge do you take me for? Ask an idiotic question Look - are we gonna play cards or not? No, I'm out.
Me, too.
Yeah, me too.
And speaking of idiotic.
Oh, you're not gonna smoke that thing, are you? Do you have any idea what it's gonna do to your lungs? Not to mention my sweater? (I don't believe it - he's actually lighting it.
) Paul, come onit's only a cigar.
Look I have some air-freshener in my car - I'll be right back.
I guess you could say Paul's consistency Was getting a little too consistent.
Uhbrother.
Great.
Straight.
That's not a straight.
Of course it is.
Look.
Two-three-four-five-six.
Two-three-four-fivenine.
You know what two-three-four-five-nine is? Nothing.
Boy, Randymaybe you should be studying your math.
Yeah, really funny.
Which, of course, it was.
To us, anyway.
Hey, will you guys just shut up? For your information I failed my last three trigonometry tests.
When I flunk out, I bet it'll be really hilarious.
Oh, come on you're not gonna flunk out.
Oh, yeah? My guidance counsellor says if I don't pass, I'm not gonna graduate.
What do ya say to that? And of course, there was only one thing to say.
Three kings.
Of course, some of us were taking the news harder than others.
Chuck, it'll be OK I still have a chance to pass.
If I apply myself, maybe - Who cares about you? What's the matter, Chuck? You can't beat three kings? I think Alice is pregnant.
Here, congratulations.
Have a cigar.
I knew it.
Shut up, Paul! I was just tryin to help.
Yeah, well, don't.
It's been said sobering news travels in bunches.
And after ninety minutes of poker There was no shortage of sobering news.
How could I be so stupid? Chuck was on the brink of fatherhood Well, at least you're passing trig.
Randy was on the brink of repeating the eleventh grade And I was on the brink of hating my best friend.
Knock it off, Pfeiffer.
Not till you put that thing out.
But in addition to it all In addition to the gut-wrenching teenage melodrama playing out before us One other thing seemed slightly amiss.
Hey.
You cheated! We were in the presence Of a crook.
OKnow, where were we? After an hour-and-a-half of our monthly rotating Friday-night poker game This guy's cheating This guy's flunking school This guy might be a father This guy is annoying everyone And this guy? Well You cheated.
I did not.
My fingers were greasy from the potato chips.
I- I-I'm sure a card, ya know, just Shot right outta my hands.
Alright.
Alright.
Then ask yourselves this - why would I possibly cheat at cards? I can't take this anymore.
This is insane! And somehow I couldn't avoid the thought maybe Chuck was right.
You OK? Listen, I-I know what you're thinking.
That my life would be over.
No No, I-I know how it sounds.
But it wouldn't be that bad, really.
I mean, Alice and I We could live in my parents' attic until we graduate high school and after that We could live in the garage Chuck, why don't you wait till you find out for sure? I mean, it's not like you're a doctor, or anything.
You think so? Yeah.
Yeah, I mean How much do you really know about biology, anyway? Apparently just enough to be dangerous.
Excuse me - I gotta make a phone call.
Paul! Yeah? We were in here.
Ya know, Chuck and I Right And now Chuck left and I'm gonna make a phone call.
And I don't know Hello? Maybe because of what the guys had said, or Maybe because of the way he was acting Or, but suddenly I was beginning to see Paul in a whole new light.
I mean, my dad expects me to go to some great college.
I don't know how to tell him I might not even graduate from high school.
I would suggest doing it over a nice dessert.
Thanks.
Hey, I'm watching you Billings so hang on to your cards this time.
OK.
I'm back.
Oh, were you gone? And so, there we were - five friends playing poker.
Hey.
Maybe if you dealt a little slower My cards wouldn't end up in the cheese puffs.
Five friends arguing and sniping.
Carping, and whining.
Taking humbrage at even the pettiest offense.
Yeah, well maybe if you learned how to shuffle, you could deal once in a while, huh? You call that dealing? Suffer.
Five friends who couldn't agree on a thing.
Hey.
We're out of food.
Except one thing.
Yeah, someone should run out and get more.
So, who wants to go? Kev? Whatleave you guys with all the cards? Alright, fine.
I'll go.
No way, he'll just go out and get another deck.
Alright, I'll go.
But I'll take the deck of cards with me.
Course, Kev, how do we know you won't cheat? Me? So, naturally There was only one solution.
We did what any five petty-squabbling Distrustful best friends would do.
God, why does it take five guys to go get food? Because we're hungry.
Because we're morons.
Hey, who you callin' a moron.
Hey, figure it out, Sherlock.
Hey - you guys maybe quit pickin' on each other? I'm gonna go get stuff, OK? No, you goand you'll come back with twelve pounds of fruit.
Woops.
Stupid.
What did you say, Paul? Nothing.
No - because I heard you say something.
I didn't say anything.
Well, here's what I say Maybe you're a moron, but let me tell you something.
Stewart and Irene Coleman didn't raise any morons.
No, you deserve all the credit for that, right? I'm outta here Me, too.
No, not those.
They're bad for you.
God, Paulwhat is your problem? What problem? I'm not sure if I was angry at Paul, or if I was angry at myself For suddenly hating my best friend, but You know, it used to be fun to hang around with you.
And I don't know what it is now, but being with you is like Being What? I don't know I just think But what I didn't want to say was that Paul had changed.
You know, Kevyou've changed.
What? Hey! What's that supposed to mean? I mean, you hang around with those guys and all you care about is being cool in front of them.
I do not.
And besides, they're your friends, too.
No.
They were you friends first.
We were friendsso I just came along.
What, so I can't have any other friends other than you? That's ridiculous.
You know, I call you when the guys get together.
I invite you to the poker games.
I - Yeah, and that ski trip over Spring break I bet you were gonna invite me to that, too, right? That's what I thought.
Hey, I can't even sit in the car with you morons.
Shut up, Chuck.
You know, I wouldn't have be here if it wasn't for your cheating.
Hey, Mr.
Mathwhiz, don't you have some studying to do, or something? Look, shut up about my math already.
At least I don't cheat.
Maybe you should - you haven't won a hand in three months.
Why don't you both take a hike.
You sound like you're married.
I don't believe you guys.
You know you make me sick? Oh, yeah? Well what are ya gonna do about it? What am I gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? And of course There was only one answer.
Gentlemen? The ante is one dollar.
The last hand of the night.
Cards? Two.
The play was intense.
The conversation At a minimum.
Two.
What had begun three hours ago As a simple Game among friends Three.
Had, by ten-thirty, developed into an all-out grudge-match.
One.
I'll take two.
Suddenly, we were no longer boys playing a man's game.
We were men.
Men at war.
Defending our turf.
Standing our ground.
Alright.
I bet twenty cents.
Thirty.
Thirty-five.
And I'll raise you Fifty.
Fifty-one.
It was time to show no mercy.
Take no prisoners.
The bets were down.
Pair 'o jacks.
A straight.
Almost.
Two pair - jacks and nines.
Three sevens.
It's up to you, Jeff.
And then I fold.
I got nothin'.
You mean, I win? You win.
I won.
I can't believe it - I won.
At the very brink of disillusionment And despairRandy Mitchell The perpetual loser Finally won a hand.
I'll get it.
Hello?Yeah.
Yeah, hang on.
Chuck, it's Alice.
Alice? That's great.
Uhthat-that's great.
Yeah.
Me, too.
I'll call you when I get home.
OK, bye.
She's not pregnant! And there you had it.
Fortune in men's lives.
Face it.
In pokerand friendship Anything could happen.
Seeya later, guys.
Thanks, Kev.
Guess I'll go hit the books.
Seeya.
BoyI will never have sex again.
- Hey, wait up! - Hey, Jeff.
Sorry about that last hand.
Wellhe deserved to win one.
Seeya Monday, man.
Bye.
Hey, Colemanyou owe me seven bucks.
- I do not.
- I want an IOU.
The funny thing is That night, cleaning up I kept thinking about that last hand.
The one that had turned things aroundfor Randy.
For all of us.
The one Jeff had lost.
Wait a minute.
Jeff won.
I felt pretty foolish Having questioned the guy's integrity.
His honesty.
That fact that this deck had Five kings.
The door was open.
I forgot my jacket.
Oh.
I guess that silence said it all.
That things had changed between Paul and me.
That the unspoken ease of our friendship Was slipping away.
So, I guess I'll see you in school.
Yeah.
Paul? Uh I just wanted to say that, uh But there was no way to say it.
Those seventeen years He knew what I meant.
Thanks.
After all Standing there on the edge of adulthood we knew that the problems of men were not easily solved.
That life was a risk.
That growing upwas a gamble.
That the time for bluffing, had passed.
Come on, Paul Let's see what ya got.
Uh, is this a three, or an eight? Eight.
After forty years, I should think you could afford a new deck of cards.
Still, ya never knew.
Jeff What's that under your sleeve? My cufflink.
Yeah? Well that cufflink better not be able to beat three queens.
Never mind.
With a little luck Things just might turn out OK.
So.
Anyone hungry?