Everybody Loves Raymond s06e20 Episode Script

Okay.
All right.
Fine, guys.
You win.
Stay up forever! I tell you what.
I'm not gonna sing you any more lullabies.
Okay! Oh, yeah.
Funny.
How about I call Santa, tell him how funny you guys are? Santa calls the Easter Bunny, he calls the Tooth Fairy.
I don't gotta buy squat.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
How long was this meeting? It ended at 8:00, but I stayed after to talk.
You know, here's the thing about the twins.
I know that I'm supposed to love them, but why do they make it so freakin' hard? Listen, listen, Ray, it was such a great meeting.
Remember all those ideas I had about fundraising and the readathon? It was amazing.
I was talking, and all these people were really interested in what I had to say.
The problem is, the twins they know I have to love them.
They use that love against me.
You know what? I can't anymore.
All these people want me to run for president.
What people? The people at the school.
They want me to run for president of the school governing board.
Isn't that fantastic? Wha There's an election next week, and so far Bill Parker is running unopposed.
- Parker.
I hate that Parker.
- Would you listen? He stole our babysitter.
I'm gonna do it, Ray.
Do what? Run for president.
- President of the school? - Yeah.
But that's, like, a lot of meetings at night.
This is the perfect thing for me.
I've been waiting for something like this to get involved in, where I can make a difference and use my brain and help people.
I could make a good president.
But you're already president of this house.
We need you.
Ask not what your house can do for you.
Tomorrow night, I want you to come with me.
There's a potluck dinner where all the parents get to meet the people running for office.
No no, I'm not crazy about people.
Are you crazy about me? Oh, boy.
Here we are.
I've never been to a political convention before.
Where are the hookers? Ray, listen, do me a favor.
Try not to let everything that's in here come out here, could you? Yeah yeah.
Let's pretend I'm your secret service agent man.
I'll follow you around like this she's on the move.
I have a better idea.
Why don't you pretend you're here undercover as an adult? That's it.
I'm changing my code name for you.
It used to be "Hot Mama.
" You wanna know what it is now? - No.
- "Groucho.
" - Hello, Debra.
- Hi, Bill.
- Barone.
- Parker.
Mary.
- Carrie.
- Carrie.
What did you bring, Debra? Just veggies and onion dip.
How about you? Beef tenderloin.
Oh! Wow, huh? Yeah, pretty fancy.
Yeah, thanks to my lovely wife.
I'll be getting in on some of that.
The beef, I mean.
Well Good luck, and, uh, may the best man or woman win.
No dirty tricks.
Hey, buddy.
How ya doin'? I don't have a chance.
What, against Parker? I don't know.
That guy, he's all with the blond hair and the teeth.
We get it, all right? We got it.
Look at you.
Did you even shave today? What? Yeah, this morning.
You're all stubbly.
Come over here.
Look at your shirt.
Tuck this in.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! What? Come on.
Why? Your appearance reflects on me.
Look how Carrie Parker is dressed.
Sorry.
I didn't know I was gonna be first lady.
Here.
Just take this over to the buffet table, okay? Where are you going? I'm gonna work the room by myself.
Hi, Maureen.
Stand up straight.
Groucho.
Hey, how you doin'? Rock the vote.
Hey, anybody see the tenderloin? It's all gone.
Wha already? Oh, these people are animals.
Look at this.
Crackers.
Yeah.
- What's this? - Tabbouleh.
If I saw this on the floor, I'd rub my dog's nose in it.
I made the tabbouleh.
Hi, I'm Bill Parker.
I hate this.
Hey, I'm with you.
These potlucks, they're always lame.
That's why when I see the one good thing, I stock up.
What's that, the tenderloin? You know it.
You want a bite? No.
Yeah, that's nice of you, though.
Thank you.
So, who you think's gonna be president? Oh, it's a tossup.
Bill Parker sounds pretty good, but I'll probably vote for that Debra Barone.
Oh yeah? Why is that? She's got a nice little caboose.
All right, attention, everybody.
Would you all gather over here, please? We'd like to get started.
Tenderloin.
Excellent.
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me, can we have everybody, please? Everyone.
- Daddy! - Go to sleep! I want water! No! No! First it's water, then "Read me a story," then I fall asleep up there, and you're down here watching wrestling.
No! No water! - Yes! Yes! - All right! What happened? They pulled it out! The Knicks won! The Knicks won! Incredible game! The Knicks were down 14 with three minutes left.
Sprewell makes a gamewinning shot from 33 feet out at the buzzer.
It was the best game of the year.
Oh, man! And you missed it.
Come on! Tough break, cubby.
Hello, Raymond.
Ma, what are you doing? I'm taking water to the children.
I said no more water! All right, Raymond.
But I would never deny my children water.
Well, Robert, I guess that explains your bed-wetting problem.
You know, Raymond, to tell the truth, Debra should have put them to bed before she left.
Yeah, well, tell her that.
No no no, don't tell her that.
When is she getting home? When they count all the votes.
I don't know why you're letting her waste her time.
No, Debra's right.
She said it's important for parents to get involved in their kids' education.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah.
We never got involved in your education.
That's right.
Pa didn't go in for all that fancy book-larnin'.
What? What did I pay taxes for? You think I had time to tell you what two plus two is? If you took more interest, who knows how far I could have gone? Four! Two plus two is four! Go get 'em, tiger! I think it's great, what Debra's doing.
You think everything she does is great.
Not everything.
I think she's a bad marrier.
Hi.
Here she is! I lost.
You know, that's the way it goes.
My cell phone was in my pocket.
- You lost? - Yeah.
Bill Parker is the new Our Lady of Faith Elementary School Governing Board President.
Wow, Deb, I'm sorry.
That stinks.
Stinks? It's an outrage.
You were born to be the Our Lady of Faith Elementary School Governing Board President.
Maybe I just had too many ideas.
Maybe I talked too much.
Did I come off pushy? No.
Come on, Deb.
Parker bought that whole election putting out the tenderloin and the horseradish and the rolls.
How could you compete with that? Mmm.
That's tough to beat.
Food's important, dear.
If you had only come to me.
Come on, that had nothin' to do with it.
Don't kid yourself, sweetheart.
This is politics.
You gotta play rough.
He puts out tenderloin, you put out prime rib.
He puts out prime rib, you go lobster.
He goes lobster, you start the rumor he wears a bra.
Yeah, I like that bra thing.
I'll say I saw him in the lingerie department going into the fitting room.
Why don't you demand a recount? Maybe there was funny business going on with the ballots.
- No.
- That goes on.
Mrs.
Wendell, the librarian, she was keeping a pretty close watch on the shoeboxes.
Mrs.
Wendell.
I remember her.
"The books are late! The books are late!" No, I think what's really bugging me is I thought I had the support.
I thought people liked me.
People can fool you.
Just because you lost doesn't mean people don't like you.
I'm sure you got a lot of votes.
Well, it was very close.
Sure.
By the way, how close was it? Six votes.
See? So it's not like you lost by one vote.
What do you mean? What? No, nothing.
You think it's good that I lost by more than one vote? No.
I mean, well, kinda, only because if you lost by one vote, then that would be heartbreaking.
Yes, it would be heartbreaking.
Ray, who did you vote for? - Ray? - What? What? Who did you vote for? Oh, boy.
- We should go.
- I'm right behind ya.
What? What? Where are you going? It's none of our business.
Since when? You think everything's your business! Usually I'd stay and defend you, but voting against your wife? You're a dead man.
I don't know what to say, but, Deb, if you wanna talk And you You know, you're not supposed to ask people who they vote for.
That's why we folded our votes and put it in the shoebox with tape around it, and they locked it up in the school cafe-gym-a-torium as our forefathers did.
How could you do that to me? Well, I just looked at what both candidates brought to the table, and I thought Bill Parker Bill Parker?! You hate Bill Parker! I hate Bill Parker the man, but I just thought that Bill Parker the candidate had an interesting platform.
Shut up.
I'm your wife.
I don't care if my platform was anti-puppy.
You have to vote for me.
But doesn't it say in the Constitution I don't care what it says.
You vote for your wife! And since when do you know what it says in the Constitution? I'm not gonna stand here and let you badmouth America.
You voted against me.
I didn't vote against you.
I love you.
I just voted not for you.
- I was protecting you.
- From what? Political backstabbing.
When you're a political figure, you're at the mercy of the people, and the people, they're horrible.
They stare at your caboose.
You were against this all along.
You can't support me for one minute! Oh, come on, I support you.
When you had who took care of the kids putting them to bed and running gallons of water upstairs like Gunga Din? It was two meetings, and you complained the whole time.
We all know why you didn't vote for me.
If I win, I might get out of this house and you might have to get off your butt and do something.
You want me locked in this house.
Your vote was a vote for slavery! I have always spoken out against slavery.
Not in this house.
Not in this marriage.
You don't even know what marriage is.
Marriage is two people supporting each other for better or for worse, standing up for each other no matter what.
But you don't get that.
At that potluck, I had to tell people I didn't even know you.
What? You told people you don't know me? Of course.
You were acting like a goofball.
I don't care what I was doing.
You denied knowing me at the potluck? You were stuffing your pants with food.
I'm your husband.
You're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants.
Didn't you just say, "partners for better or worse, standing up on each other" It's not the same thing, and you know it.
You embarrassed me.
I didn't do anything different at that potluck that I don't do at any other public place you drag me to.
I have always liked beef! And I have always tried to get as much of it as I could at any function! Even before that, you made it very clear that I embarrass you getting up on me about shaving, telling me to stand up straight and tuck in my shirt, like like I wasn't good enough for you.
Now I find out you actually told people that you don't know me? I would never do that to you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I should have voted for you.
And I should have told people I know you.
I was acting jerky.
I know l I guess I just got carried away, you know, with the possibility of being the Our Lady of Faith Elementary School Governing Board President.
Well, listen, all that power, it's like a drug.
You want something to eat? What do you got? I got some veggies and dip left.
Oh.
You know what would go good with that? Tabbouleh.
Got any cookies? I got cookies.
Hello.
Yeah, she's right here.
It's the president.
Hi, Bill.
What, did he call to gloat? Tell him we're onto him.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, well, no, congratulations.
Really? Oh! Well, that's so nice of you to say.
Yes, I would love to help you.
What?! Yeah, you know what? My nights are mostly free.
No, they're not.
I really wanted to get those teachers' luncheons organized.
Hang up.
He's trying to tear us apart.
You know what? Mommy, I had an accident.
Accident.
Accident.
Mommy's on the phone.
You wanna wait for Mommy? Mommy, he All right, I'll do it.
But I want Mommy.
Don't blame me.
I voted for Parker.
So I just wanna say that I'm looking forward to a successful year of working together, gut I can only do it with your help.
I only hope that I'm worthy of the faith that you've shown in me, because at Our Lady of Faith, it is all about faith faith in our children, faith in our faculty, faith in each other.
Yeah.