Magnum, P.I. (1980) s06e20 Episode Script
A Little Bit of Luck, a Little Bit of Grief
One million dollars! How about that? Take them away.
Is that cannon fire I hear, or merely the beating of my heart? Are you going to bail us out or not? What exactly did he say? He used words like "rotting" and "hell freezing over.
" But don't worry.
I'm sure he'll come.
Hi, guys.
Hop in.
I want you to meet my fiancée, Jeannie.
I'm here.
Shut up! Shut up! The Board of Directors has relieved you of your duties.
What? You've been fired.
Heck, no! We won't go! Heck, no! We won't go! Come on, guys.
Cut it out! Come on, cut it out! Come on, guys.
Chanting slogans isn't going to get this done.
Now, come on.
Let's try talking to him again.
I am through talking.
T.
C.
You have ten seconds to vacate this property.
Otherwise, you will be arrested.
This is your final warning.
I'm going to kill him.
You can't kill him.
Five seconds.
Let's try talking to him again, okay? Time's up.
Guys, get off the lot.
Come on, go over by the van.
Get out of the way.
Come on, get out of there.
You okay? Mmm-hmm.
Now, don't do anything foolish.
Sergeant, do your duty.
Mr.
Boyer, please.
Kenny, give us a second.
No.
Arrest them.
Look, Magnum, T.
C.
, if you'll just leave I am not leaving.
He's got a court order.
Come on, T.
C.
And I intend to have it executed.
One way or another.
This clubhouse has been here for six years.
Six long years However, Mr.
Calvin, the property does not belong to you.
It belongs to Dennis MacKenzie Industries.
Who gave T.
C.
permission to build the clubhouse in the first place.
He changed his mind.
Why? I don't know.
He just does that sometimes.
Maybe he found out that this so-called clubhouse was a meeting place for gang members, and vagrants and runaways.
That's a lie! Dennis MacKenzie Industries has an image to uphold.
I have, too.
I'm just trying to do something positive for these kids.
You know, coach a little basketball, maybe just rap with them if necessary.
Just to let them know that there are adults that give a damn.
Oh, I'm quite touched.
Leave.
No.
T.
C.
, now, take it easy.
Come on.
Come on, we'll find a new place.
Mr.
Boyer, what if we rent the lot? Why didn't you say so in the first place? Okay.
This property is worth about five grand a month.
Oh, come on.
Sell your Ferrari.
It's not my It's not his Ferrari.
Oh.
What a role model.
Obviously then you're kept.
I am not kept! To be sure.
Easy, Thomas Magnum.
Arrest them.
We're not leaving until we get some kind of answer.
Sorry, guys Knock it down! Knock it down! Ow! And add on assault with a deadly weapon.
He's handcuffed! He hurt my arm.
You just wait till we're out.
You haven't heard the last of us.
And add abusive and threatening language to him.
Take them away.
This is one of the more depressing sights I've ever witnessed.
Indeed, positively pathetic.
Maybe not.
I think I may be able to get them out on a technicality, i.
e.
, Davis vs.
Wyoming, 1923.
You see, the plaintiff, one Sidney Davis Please, these gentlemen have already secured competent counsel.
Thank you.
I'm very cheap, though.
I'm sure you are.
As I was saying Higgins.
Say it later.
Just bail us out.
Bail you out? As if I were at your beck and call each time you run afoul of the laws of the state and common sense.
Do you realize that you've called me away from a critical meeting of the Anglo-Polynesian Annual Charities Drive to retrieve a couple of miscreants out of jail for Trespassing, malicious mischief, assault with a deadly weapon and threats thereof.
I was just trying to help T.
C.
help his kids, because some bozo was trying to kick them off His land.
Which he wasn't going to do anything with anyway.
That is beside the point.
Why did you resist? We didn't intentionally resist.
It was more like civil disobedience.
Like Thoreau.
Please, Mr Dwayne Bailey, Esquire.
Although I may sympathize with your goals, your methods leave a great deal to be desired.
Furthermore Are you going to bail us out or not? I am.
I just have one question.
Why me? Why didn't you call Rick? You have two lawyers? He was still in Albuquerque on business.
He was due back three days ago.
Yeah, he was.
Perhaps something has gone wrong with him.
I know he would have called if he was going to stay longer.
Then perhaps you two should worry about your other "kid.
" You may release them.
Sorry, Dwayne.
I do know what you're thinking.
Having that situation at T.
C.
's clubhouse escalate into assault with a deadly weapon was pretty ridiculous.
Now we had more to worry about than just where T.
C.
's kids were going to go.
But on the other hand, my little voice was trying to get my attention about something else.
And even though I couldn't pin it down to specifics, the one thing I kept getting was Rick.
I just hoped it wasn't trouble.
Well, my friend, your troubles are over! You've just won $500,000 on The Great Western States Lottery, live from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Come down here, Miguel.
Come on.
Well, when you came out on this stage, you were a mere cannery worker from Monterrey, California.
And now you're a rich man.
Come on, tell us, Miguel.
We're all dying to know.
What are you going to do with all this money? I will buy the cannery, senor.
He's going to buy the canary.
Go buy it, Miguel, go buy it.
Okay.
Let's meet our next finalist.
She's young, she's beautiful, she's from Hollywood, she's Mandy Smith! Well, hello, Mandy.
Hello.
Hello there.
Well, now, it says here you're an actress.
Have you been in anything we may have seen? Well, maybe.
I see.
Why don't you tell all the folks about how you came to get your winning lottery ticket.
Well, I was standing in the unemployment line reading the trades and I met this producer who had a bunch of lottery tickets.
Oh! Anyway, he asked me to be in his next picture.
Yes, I think they're trying to tell me we're running a little long, so why don't we spin the wheel? Here we go! Oh.
$10,000.
All right? Yeah, great.
Yeah, well, have you any plans for the $10,000, Mandy? I'm gonna have some pictures made of me.
Oh, some new pictures made.
Oh, well! Hope it all develops well for your career.
Really do.
Well, what a night! The suspense is really beginning to mount all the time now, because none of our finalists so far have hit the big seven figures.
So there's three million big ones still up there, come on.
I want to give it away! I want to give it away now! Our next winner comes all the way from the land of hula and Don Ho, the manager of one of Paradise's most prestigious clubs, let's all meet Orville Wright! Welcome to Albuquerque.
Call me Rick.
Oh, "Call me Rick," he says.
Okay, Ricky, are you excited? Yeah.
Try to keep your answers as brief as possible, Rick.
Tell me, how did you get your winning lottery ticket? Well, I bought it.
Did you hear that? He bought it.
Ladies and gentlemen, he bought it.
Tell us a bit more about yourself.
Married? Oh, no.
No.
How about single then? Come on, Rick.
It's time we gave this wheel a whirl.
Give it a real good rip, Rick.
The other way, Rick.
Clockwise, okay? Right.
Right.
The wrong way, come on.
Clockwise, clockwise, okay? About time we had a big one, now.
Come on.
Incredible! One million dollars! How about that? You've won Please! Just a minute, come here.
Come here, just a minute.
How you feeling? How you feeling? Oh, fine.
Just fine.
Fine? I wouldn't feel too bad either with $1,000,000 in my pocket.
Come on, now.
What are you going to do with the money? Rick, what are you going to do with the money? I'm going to spend it! He's going to spend it.
One million dollars.
He's gonna spend it.
Oh, go on, Rick.
You're spending some of it now, Rick.
That will cost you.
That will cost you.
Hi, this is Thomas Magnum.
I'm unable to take your call right now, but if you'll leave a message I'll get right back to you.
Thomas, you're not gonna believe what happened.
You're not gonna believe it.
Go ahead, just guess.
Guess.
Guess what happened.
I just I can't tell it to a machine.
I got to call you back.
Rick? Rick? Give everybody here at the bar a drink.
In fact, give the whole house a drink, Rico, it's on me.
Yes, sir.
Cheers.
Cheers.
I saw you on TV.
Well, thank you.
Say.
Would you mind playing my favorite song? As Time Goes By.
For that money I'll play it all night, pal.
Thanks.
Thank you.
You can have anything you want.
I was talking about the song.
You just played my favorite song in the whole wide world.
As Time Goes By.
As Time Goes By.
Bogie and Bergman.
Would you have a drink with me? Oh, I'd love it.
My name is Jeannie.
I'm Rick.
I know.
I saw you on TV.
No kidding.
Yes.
That's something.
What would you like to drink? I would like white wine, please.
Uh-uh.
Champagne.
You know, this is one song you can never get tired of.
Just like Bogie and Ingrid.
What was that she said that day at the outdoor cafe somewhere in Paris? She said, "Is that cannon fire I hear, or merely the beating of my heart?" Or something like that.
That's it.
That's exactly what she said.
One more time, Sam.
Play it again.
Wow, this is really something.
And I'm not just saying that because you won a million dollars either.
Whoever thought that I would meet somebody like you right here in the Albuquerque Arms? That goes both ways.
I mean I'm just a travel agent from Wichita doing a survey on the hotels of the Southwest, and here I go and meet some big-shot club manager from Hawaii named Rick.
Just like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca was named Rick, too.
God, it's déjà vu or something.
Well, I'm not really a big shot.
You're so humble, too.
When do you have to go back to Hawaii? Tomorrow.
You know, my friends don't even know what happened.
I mean, I've got to call them.
When do you have to be back to Wichita? I don't.
I mean, not right away.
Listen.
Why don't you come to Hawaii and survey some of the hotels there? Is this cannon fire I hear or merely the beating of my heart? It's the sound of a 747, baby, taxiing down a runway to Hawaii with you on it.
You're kidding? Uh-uh.
You're not kidding? Uh-uh.
I can't.
What? I can't.
I mean, I don't even know you.
Yes, you do.
Jeannie, you said it.
It's like déjà vu or something.
It was meant to be.
Listen, if you don't give each one of us a chance to get to know each other, if you go back to Wichita and I go to Hawaii, well, it's almost like going to a movie and walking out before the ending is there.
Come on, what do you say? Give it a shot.
Please.
Here's looking at you, kid.
Night passed, the sun rose and still no further word from Rick.
However, whatever trouble he was in seemed to pale with what T.
C.
and I were up against.
Namely, the personification of square one: Blair Boyer.
We were hoping, though, that if all parties concerned behaved like rational human beings and had a real good heart-to-heart away from the high tension of yesterday's confrontation, that surely something would get worked out.
Mr.
Boyer's busy.
He can't see you now.
You'll have to leave.
We'll wait.
I really don't think that's going to do a lot of good.
See, Mr.
Boyer has many scheduled appointments and a lot of phone calls to make.
Fine.
We've got time.
Don't we? Nothing but.
Perhaps I am not communicating properly.
Mr.
Boyer will not see either of you gentlemen.
Is that the only door to his office? Yes.
Then he'll see us.
If I were you, I'd leave.
Now.
Debralee.
Ms.
Worthy, all we want to do is talk to him.
He doesn't want to talk to you.
We're willing to be reasonable.
We'd just like for him to meet us halfway so that we can resolve this thing.
It was resolved yesterday.
Today you're just looking at a lot of trouble if you hang around.
What exactly do you mean by that? You've been warned.
Warned? Wait a minute, mama, you don't Easy, easy.
Remember? Right.
No problem.
You just go back to work and we will sit here quietly and wait.
Your waiting is over, but you may be doing a little sitting for a while.
Ah, my clients are back.
We're not your clients.
Well, you should be or you wouldn't be back in here.
Yeah, well, what about you? Consider this my office, if you will.
My suite.
I am here to serve.
Then go play some tennis.
When did Higgins say he was gonna get us out of here? He didn't exactly.
Well, what exactly did he say? He used words like "rotting" and "hell freezing over.
" But don't worry, I'm sure he'll come.
I'm here.
Shut up! Shut up! You're out.
Please don't come back.
Where's Higgie baby? Who cares? At least he got us out.
And this way we don't have to listen to one of his lectures.
We can concentrate on getting to Dennis MacKenzie himself.
Mr.
Magnum? Mr.
Calvin? My name's Paul.
If you'll follow me, please.
This can't be real.
In fact, the last two days can't be real.
This must be a nightmare or a dream or Or Higgins has gone completely nuts.
Hi, guys.
Hop in.
We'll take care of your little problem later.
But first I want you to meet my fiancée, Jeannie.
Jeannie, say hello Hi.
to two of the best pals a guy could have.
Well, what are you waiting for? Cornell, it's about time we made our move.
Uh-huh.
While he still got some of it left.
Except for Robin Masters, I've never known anyone who was a millionaire before.
And the difference between Robin and Rick was that Robin already had his.
With Rick, it was sudden wealth.
And that brought one of those tripartite questions to mind: How would the money change Rick, or me, or our friendship? I didn't know about the first one, although Rick did offer T.
C.
whatever he needed to get land for a new clubhouse.
But T.
C.
refused.
He wanted to demonstrate to his kids there was a principle involved.
Rick didn't exactly understand.
But maybe that's what love does to you.
Especially when you're also trying to grasp the principles of five-card draw.
I am on a roll.
Ice Pick, it is up to you.
As if you needed it.
But then again, maybe he did grasp them, or maybe he was just lucky.
I'm in for 1,000.
See it.
Call.
No problem.
Two cards.
Give me three.
I'll take the lid.
You got it, baby.
Dealer stands pat.
You wouldn't be bluffing, would you? Another thousand.
I'm history.
Call the thousand.
And raise you 2,000.
Well, I'm going to see your thousand, your two and I raise $5,000.
Too rich for my blood.
Excuse me.
I got to make a pit stop.
Where's more beer? In the kitchen.
Jeannie's in there making some sandwiches.
You got to stop playing crazy poker like this.
You're gonna make them mad, and they'll leave.
Or worse.
They'll come back.
Now, what did you have? Pair of threes.
Ah That's what I thought.
Be careful, will you? Listen, I just won $40,000.
Who cares? I care.
I like you like a son, and I don't like the smell of these guys.
Who are they? Just some guys.
Nobody gambles this kind of money that is just some guys.
Now, where do you know them from? From the beachfront bar.
They're record producers or something.
You know, I almost feel kind of sorry for them.
Hi, baby.
Thanks for the sandwiches.
No problem.
Look, would you mind if I took a little walk around the beach? As long as you come back.
Kiss-kiss.
Mmm.
You bet.
Deal.
Ante two.
My two's in.
I'm in.
Hi, Higgins.
I thought you were going home.
I intended to.
But then it was pointed out to me that we were woefully low on supplies because none have been ordered, that the painting on the terrace has not been completed because the painters were not issued a check, and that the King Kamehameha Club Charity 10K Run may not take place because the club manager failed to obtain the street permit in time.
And now I find, that instead of finally fulfilling your obligations, you have compounded your dereliction by closing off the Anuenue Room in order to gamble, drink and womanize on King Kamehameha Club time and property! You are hereby on notice, Rick, that any further failure to fulfill your responsibilities here will result in your summary dismissal.
Am I making myself clear? Yes, Higgins.
Deal.
By the by, the Anglo-Polynesian Charities Drive is looking for a principal sponsor for their indigent elderly program.
I'm sure that a sizeable contribution from you would go a long way toward uplifting your posture in the community.
It looks like the party's over.
Yeah, but we'll be back.
You know, you owe us a few hands.
And you owe me about $40,000.
Trust us.
We'll be back.
When? Later.
10:00.
You can keep time with this until then.
Okay? Sure.
Why not? Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Man, you're naive.
That might be a fake.
Who cares, I like the action, I like the juice.
Besides, I'm rich.
Sometimes that's not a permanent condition.
Remember what I told you, be careful.
I was careful.
Careful? You set off every alarm in the place.
It was accidental! It was clumsy! I thought you were a pro.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, what seems to be the problem? The initial consultation is, of course, free.
He got us arrested again! I can see that.
Because I was trying to help him! Yeah, some help.
I used my contacts at the Hall of Records, to find out where the real Dennis MacKenzie actually lives.
We went there to talk to him, but And the estate was locked, the intercom was broken.
And he talked me into climbing over the fence.
I think I could plea bargain it down to simple trespassing.
No, no, no! Listen to the whole thing! Dennis MacKenzie wasn't there.
Just a mean old junkyard dog Boyer.
You didn't kill him, did you? No! No! What about the dog? Rosine? Still no sign of Jeannie? Thanks.
Jeannie? Higgins.
Higgins, can you please come back tomorrow? Yes, yes, I will.
I'll be back tomorrow to see that you are completely moved out of this apartment.
What? The Board of Directors has relieved you of your duties.
What? You've been fired.
Why? A matter of a last straw.
What do you mean? There is not one single, solitary straw in the bar with which to serve a drink.
Unfortunately, there is a quorum of the Board of Directors present and they like their drinks mixed and their managers managing.
They've sent me up here to terminate you.
I did try to warn you.
I am sorry.
But there was a vote taken.
You're a rich man now.
Enjoy it.
Oh, by the by, you won't forget the Anglo-Polynesian Charities Drive, will you? Hello.
This is Cornell Dye, your poker playing buddy.
When are you guys coming back? We're not.
You're not? What Now shut up and listen.
There's been a change in plans.
You know, we don't like losing to amateurs.
As a matter of fact, we don't like losing, period.
Listen, you So instead of sitting down with you and trying to win it all back, we've decided that you'll just give it to us.
And whatever you've got left of your million as interest.
You know, minus the IRS, we estimate that at about 500,000 or so.
You guys must be crazy.
Maybe.
But we've also got your fiancée, and right now she looks like she's in one piece.
You're lying.
Say hello, Jeannie.
Rick.
Lookout Point, Diamond Head Crater.
Dawn.
It's money or love, pal.
Cash.
I need cash.
I'll call you back.
Rick, wait! You can't call me back! I have to.
We're in jail again.
Call Higgins.
He won't come.
Call Carol.
Rick, I called you.
One phone call, remember? Forget it, Thomas.
Look, I'm trying to get hold of a banker.
I'll take care of you guys later.
Rick.
I can't talk now.
Can't you understand? Checkmate.
The money.
It's $420,000.
That's all I've got.
Let's see it.
I'll take it.
Let the girl out of the car first.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, are you all right? Jeannie? There's one born every minute.
Jeannie! Jeannie.
My Aunt Maggie used to say that friendship was something like a sponge.
It could soak up a lot of garbage and gunk, but when you wrung it out, you still had a sponge.
Now, I'm not quite sure what that all meant, but I did know as far as Rick was concerned, there was a whole lot of wringing out to be done before that sponge could be used again.
What? Does he think we're trying to sponge off him and his millions or something? What's the matter with him? Nothing.
I'm fine.
Just a momentary lapse.
That's all.
I don't know.
Rick just sounded real upset.
Yeah, banker wasn't at his immediate disposal.
It's funny how you think you know someone, been through everything, then all of a sudden you find out that you don't know them at all.
I'm gonna kill him.
Oh, no, come on.
At least we gotta talk to him first.
Once we get out.
If we get out.
You guys are out.
Who's springing us? Higgins? Orville? Carol? Me.
Yes.
Higgins.
It's me, Rick.
I've got to Look, if you've come to plead with me for your job back, there's virtually nothing I can do about it.
Higgins, I need your help.
Please! I brought your check.
Very well.
This is perhaps the most unbelievably depressing story I've ever heard, and I've heard my share.
It reminds me of the time Higgins, Higgins, please.
Tell me about it later.
Right now, I've got to find Thomas and T.
C.
Do you have any idea where they are? I would presume in jail again.
No, I called there.
They've been bailed out.
I thought it might have been you.
Hardly.
However, I don't understand your urgency.
The crisis is over.
You've lived and learned.
And I will speak to the Board about your reinstatement.
Perhaps.
The urgency is not over, Higgins.
I've got to find them.
Why? I've got to tell them that I'm sorry.
The crisis may be over, but I really messed up, messed up real bad, even worse than being made a fool of or losing all my money.
Look what it's done to me.
I may have lost my friends and maybe my job, too.
I gotta set things right, Higgins.
And that goes for you, too.
I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
I don't know where they are, but I venture to guess that it has something to do with the problem of Dennis MacKenzie Industries and T.
C.
's Clubhouse.
Though I seriously doubt that they are downtown visiting Blair Boyer again.
This time, they'd probably get a life sentence.
Yeah.
But I wouldn't.
Where are you going? I'm going for broke.
I not only left him broke, I broke his spirit, too.
See, it was only supposed to be a minor scam.
I was gonna get tight with him, set him up, then Cornell and Benny were going to come in and to cheat him out of about a hundred grand in the card game.
Boom, we're out.
But he won.
That's because he didn't play like a normal person.
So Cornell got mad and And decided to go for the whole thing.
And I went along with it.
Till now.
That's it.
Why did you change your mind? Because I found out I liked him.
When I couldn't shake the look on his face after we left him standing all alone on that road, I knew I had to tell him.
But he won't talk to me.
So I found out where you were and I got you guys.
You've got a good friend.
But I guess, like a lot of people, he has a couple of weak spots.
And like a shark, I went for them.
Wait here.
Who's there? Jeannie.
The money! Sorry, toots, but I tried to be reasonable.
Damn it, I want those shares sold by the time the market opens tomorrow morning.
You got it? All of them! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
You know who you're talking to? Do you? Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Nobody talks that way to Dennis MacKenzie.
Nobody.
No, sir.
Now, you dump those shares, or your next job will be at the end of a broom sweeping up ticker tape from the exchange floor! You got it? Yes, sir.
The word "maybe" isn't in the vocabulary of Dennis MacKenzie.
You got that? You bet.
You got that? Now do the job.
Yes, sir.
Debralee Debralee is a little tied up right now, Dennis.
Is there something I could do for you? It's Blair.
Uh-uh.
It's Dennis MacKenzie.
Now, that's fraud or something, isn't it? What do you want? Not much.
See, Dennis.
This is gonna be real easy.
Rick was finally right about something.
It was real easy.
In return for not revealing Dennis MacKenzie's secret alter ego, Blair Boyer, T.
C.
got his clubhouse rebuilt and all charges against us were dropped.
As for trying to find the money, we didn't.
Now the only hard part was saying good-bye.
Jeannie, are you sure you have to go? No.
But I'd better.
Not everything I told you was a lie.
The true part is I am from Kansas.
My folks have a farm there.
Things aren't going so good, so I think maybe it's right I go back and try to stick it out with them.
You know, help.
Like what you did for your friends.
And you for me.
But we lost your money.
Money isn't everything.
Maybe.
Here.
What? I hocked the pearls and all the clothes you bought me.
Between chartering the jet, and buying the limo, and being totally ripped off, at least this experience won't be a total loss.
You keep this.
I did everything for you.
Use it for the farm.
Buy some grains, some seeds, some tractors or something.
It's yours.
You've a big heart, Rick.
So do you.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, about as cold as an early morning frost in March.
I nearly destroyed you.
I'm real sorry, Rick.
Jeannie, you came back.
That proves that you have a heart.
Maybe, but I think I can hear it breaking now.
Wrong.
That's the sound of cannons.
Bye.
Bye.
Jeannie.
Wait.
The money was for the farm, but this is for you.
I hope it's worth something.
I'm sure it is.
Hi, Thomas.
You let her get away.
Come on, let's go to the club.
See T.
C.
and Higgins.
And raise a glass to a beautiful friendship.
Is that cannon fire I hear, or merely the beating of my heart? Are you going to bail us out or not? What exactly did he say? He used words like "rotting" and "hell freezing over.
" But don't worry.
I'm sure he'll come.
Hi, guys.
Hop in.
I want you to meet my fiancée, Jeannie.
I'm here.
Shut up! Shut up! The Board of Directors has relieved you of your duties.
What? You've been fired.
Heck, no! We won't go! Heck, no! We won't go! Come on, guys.
Cut it out! Come on, cut it out! Come on, guys.
Chanting slogans isn't going to get this done.
Now, come on.
Let's try talking to him again.
I am through talking.
T.
C.
You have ten seconds to vacate this property.
Otherwise, you will be arrested.
This is your final warning.
I'm going to kill him.
You can't kill him.
Five seconds.
Let's try talking to him again, okay? Time's up.
Guys, get off the lot.
Come on, go over by the van.
Get out of the way.
Come on, get out of there.
You okay? Mmm-hmm.
Now, don't do anything foolish.
Sergeant, do your duty.
Mr.
Boyer, please.
Kenny, give us a second.
No.
Arrest them.
Look, Magnum, T.
C.
, if you'll just leave I am not leaving.
He's got a court order.
Come on, T.
C.
And I intend to have it executed.
One way or another.
This clubhouse has been here for six years.
Six long years However, Mr.
Calvin, the property does not belong to you.
It belongs to Dennis MacKenzie Industries.
Who gave T.
C.
permission to build the clubhouse in the first place.
He changed his mind.
Why? I don't know.
He just does that sometimes.
Maybe he found out that this so-called clubhouse was a meeting place for gang members, and vagrants and runaways.
That's a lie! Dennis MacKenzie Industries has an image to uphold.
I have, too.
I'm just trying to do something positive for these kids.
You know, coach a little basketball, maybe just rap with them if necessary.
Just to let them know that there are adults that give a damn.
Oh, I'm quite touched.
Leave.
No.
T.
C.
, now, take it easy.
Come on.
Come on, we'll find a new place.
Mr.
Boyer, what if we rent the lot? Why didn't you say so in the first place? Okay.
This property is worth about five grand a month.
Oh, come on.
Sell your Ferrari.
It's not my It's not his Ferrari.
Oh.
What a role model.
Obviously then you're kept.
I am not kept! To be sure.
Easy, Thomas Magnum.
Arrest them.
We're not leaving until we get some kind of answer.
Sorry, guys Knock it down! Knock it down! Ow! And add on assault with a deadly weapon.
He's handcuffed! He hurt my arm.
You just wait till we're out.
You haven't heard the last of us.
And add abusive and threatening language to him.
Take them away.
This is one of the more depressing sights I've ever witnessed.
Indeed, positively pathetic.
Maybe not.
I think I may be able to get them out on a technicality, i.
e.
, Davis vs.
Wyoming, 1923.
You see, the plaintiff, one Sidney Davis Please, these gentlemen have already secured competent counsel.
Thank you.
I'm very cheap, though.
I'm sure you are.
As I was saying Higgins.
Say it later.
Just bail us out.
Bail you out? As if I were at your beck and call each time you run afoul of the laws of the state and common sense.
Do you realize that you've called me away from a critical meeting of the Anglo-Polynesian Annual Charities Drive to retrieve a couple of miscreants out of jail for Trespassing, malicious mischief, assault with a deadly weapon and threats thereof.
I was just trying to help T.
C.
help his kids, because some bozo was trying to kick them off His land.
Which he wasn't going to do anything with anyway.
That is beside the point.
Why did you resist? We didn't intentionally resist.
It was more like civil disobedience.
Like Thoreau.
Please, Mr Dwayne Bailey, Esquire.
Although I may sympathize with your goals, your methods leave a great deal to be desired.
Furthermore Are you going to bail us out or not? I am.
I just have one question.
Why me? Why didn't you call Rick? You have two lawyers? He was still in Albuquerque on business.
He was due back three days ago.
Yeah, he was.
Perhaps something has gone wrong with him.
I know he would have called if he was going to stay longer.
Then perhaps you two should worry about your other "kid.
" You may release them.
Sorry, Dwayne.
I do know what you're thinking.
Having that situation at T.
C.
's clubhouse escalate into assault with a deadly weapon was pretty ridiculous.
Now we had more to worry about than just where T.
C.
's kids were going to go.
But on the other hand, my little voice was trying to get my attention about something else.
And even though I couldn't pin it down to specifics, the one thing I kept getting was Rick.
I just hoped it wasn't trouble.
Well, my friend, your troubles are over! You've just won $500,000 on The Great Western States Lottery, live from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Come down here, Miguel.
Come on.
Well, when you came out on this stage, you were a mere cannery worker from Monterrey, California.
And now you're a rich man.
Come on, tell us, Miguel.
We're all dying to know.
What are you going to do with all this money? I will buy the cannery, senor.
He's going to buy the canary.
Go buy it, Miguel, go buy it.
Okay.
Let's meet our next finalist.
She's young, she's beautiful, she's from Hollywood, she's Mandy Smith! Well, hello, Mandy.
Hello.
Hello there.
Well, now, it says here you're an actress.
Have you been in anything we may have seen? Well, maybe.
I see.
Why don't you tell all the folks about how you came to get your winning lottery ticket.
Well, I was standing in the unemployment line reading the trades and I met this producer who had a bunch of lottery tickets.
Oh! Anyway, he asked me to be in his next picture.
Yes, I think they're trying to tell me we're running a little long, so why don't we spin the wheel? Here we go! Oh.
$10,000.
All right? Yeah, great.
Yeah, well, have you any plans for the $10,000, Mandy? I'm gonna have some pictures made of me.
Oh, some new pictures made.
Oh, well! Hope it all develops well for your career.
Really do.
Well, what a night! The suspense is really beginning to mount all the time now, because none of our finalists so far have hit the big seven figures.
So there's three million big ones still up there, come on.
I want to give it away! I want to give it away now! Our next winner comes all the way from the land of hula and Don Ho, the manager of one of Paradise's most prestigious clubs, let's all meet Orville Wright! Welcome to Albuquerque.
Call me Rick.
Oh, "Call me Rick," he says.
Okay, Ricky, are you excited? Yeah.
Try to keep your answers as brief as possible, Rick.
Tell me, how did you get your winning lottery ticket? Well, I bought it.
Did you hear that? He bought it.
Ladies and gentlemen, he bought it.
Tell us a bit more about yourself.
Married? Oh, no.
No.
How about single then? Come on, Rick.
It's time we gave this wheel a whirl.
Give it a real good rip, Rick.
The other way, Rick.
Clockwise, okay? Right.
Right.
The wrong way, come on.
Clockwise, clockwise, okay? About time we had a big one, now.
Come on.
Incredible! One million dollars! How about that? You've won Please! Just a minute, come here.
Come here, just a minute.
How you feeling? How you feeling? Oh, fine.
Just fine.
Fine? I wouldn't feel too bad either with $1,000,000 in my pocket.
Come on, now.
What are you going to do with the money? Rick, what are you going to do with the money? I'm going to spend it! He's going to spend it.
One million dollars.
He's gonna spend it.
Oh, go on, Rick.
You're spending some of it now, Rick.
That will cost you.
That will cost you.
Hi, this is Thomas Magnum.
I'm unable to take your call right now, but if you'll leave a message I'll get right back to you.
Thomas, you're not gonna believe what happened.
You're not gonna believe it.
Go ahead, just guess.
Guess.
Guess what happened.
I just I can't tell it to a machine.
I got to call you back.
Rick? Rick? Give everybody here at the bar a drink.
In fact, give the whole house a drink, Rico, it's on me.
Yes, sir.
Cheers.
Cheers.
I saw you on TV.
Well, thank you.
Say.
Would you mind playing my favorite song? As Time Goes By.
For that money I'll play it all night, pal.
Thanks.
Thank you.
You can have anything you want.
I was talking about the song.
You just played my favorite song in the whole wide world.
As Time Goes By.
As Time Goes By.
Bogie and Bergman.
Would you have a drink with me? Oh, I'd love it.
My name is Jeannie.
I'm Rick.
I know.
I saw you on TV.
No kidding.
Yes.
That's something.
What would you like to drink? I would like white wine, please.
Uh-uh.
Champagne.
You know, this is one song you can never get tired of.
Just like Bogie and Ingrid.
What was that she said that day at the outdoor cafe somewhere in Paris? She said, "Is that cannon fire I hear, or merely the beating of my heart?" Or something like that.
That's it.
That's exactly what she said.
One more time, Sam.
Play it again.
Wow, this is really something.
And I'm not just saying that because you won a million dollars either.
Whoever thought that I would meet somebody like you right here in the Albuquerque Arms? That goes both ways.
I mean I'm just a travel agent from Wichita doing a survey on the hotels of the Southwest, and here I go and meet some big-shot club manager from Hawaii named Rick.
Just like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca was named Rick, too.
God, it's déjà vu or something.
Well, I'm not really a big shot.
You're so humble, too.
When do you have to go back to Hawaii? Tomorrow.
You know, my friends don't even know what happened.
I mean, I've got to call them.
When do you have to be back to Wichita? I don't.
I mean, not right away.
Listen.
Why don't you come to Hawaii and survey some of the hotels there? Is this cannon fire I hear or merely the beating of my heart? It's the sound of a 747, baby, taxiing down a runway to Hawaii with you on it.
You're kidding? Uh-uh.
You're not kidding? Uh-uh.
I can't.
What? I can't.
I mean, I don't even know you.
Yes, you do.
Jeannie, you said it.
It's like déjà vu or something.
It was meant to be.
Listen, if you don't give each one of us a chance to get to know each other, if you go back to Wichita and I go to Hawaii, well, it's almost like going to a movie and walking out before the ending is there.
Come on, what do you say? Give it a shot.
Please.
Here's looking at you, kid.
Night passed, the sun rose and still no further word from Rick.
However, whatever trouble he was in seemed to pale with what T.
C.
and I were up against.
Namely, the personification of square one: Blair Boyer.
We were hoping, though, that if all parties concerned behaved like rational human beings and had a real good heart-to-heart away from the high tension of yesterday's confrontation, that surely something would get worked out.
Mr.
Boyer's busy.
He can't see you now.
You'll have to leave.
We'll wait.
I really don't think that's going to do a lot of good.
See, Mr.
Boyer has many scheduled appointments and a lot of phone calls to make.
Fine.
We've got time.
Don't we? Nothing but.
Perhaps I am not communicating properly.
Mr.
Boyer will not see either of you gentlemen.
Is that the only door to his office? Yes.
Then he'll see us.
If I were you, I'd leave.
Now.
Debralee.
Ms.
Worthy, all we want to do is talk to him.
He doesn't want to talk to you.
We're willing to be reasonable.
We'd just like for him to meet us halfway so that we can resolve this thing.
It was resolved yesterday.
Today you're just looking at a lot of trouble if you hang around.
What exactly do you mean by that? You've been warned.
Warned? Wait a minute, mama, you don't Easy, easy.
Remember? Right.
No problem.
You just go back to work and we will sit here quietly and wait.
Your waiting is over, but you may be doing a little sitting for a while.
Ah, my clients are back.
We're not your clients.
Well, you should be or you wouldn't be back in here.
Yeah, well, what about you? Consider this my office, if you will.
My suite.
I am here to serve.
Then go play some tennis.
When did Higgins say he was gonna get us out of here? He didn't exactly.
Well, what exactly did he say? He used words like "rotting" and "hell freezing over.
" But don't worry, I'm sure he'll come.
I'm here.
Shut up! Shut up! You're out.
Please don't come back.
Where's Higgie baby? Who cares? At least he got us out.
And this way we don't have to listen to one of his lectures.
We can concentrate on getting to Dennis MacKenzie himself.
Mr.
Magnum? Mr.
Calvin? My name's Paul.
If you'll follow me, please.
This can't be real.
In fact, the last two days can't be real.
This must be a nightmare or a dream or Or Higgins has gone completely nuts.
Hi, guys.
Hop in.
We'll take care of your little problem later.
But first I want you to meet my fiancée, Jeannie.
Jeannie, say hello Hi.
to two of the best pals a guy could have.
Well, what are you waiting for? Cornell, it's about time we made our move.
Uh-huh.
While he still got some of it left.
Except for Robin Masters, I've never known anyone who was a millionaire before.
And the difference between Robin and Rick was that Robin already had his.
With Rick, it was sudden wealth.
And that brought one of those tripartite questions to mind: How would the money change Rick, or me, or our friendship? I didn't know about the first one, although Rick did offer T.
C.
whatever he needed to get land for a new clubhouse.
But T.
C.
refused.
He wanted to demonstrate to his kids there was a principle involved.
Rick didn't exactly understand.
But maybe that's what love does to you.
Especially when you're also trying to grasp the principles of five-card draw.
I am on a roll.
Ice Pick, it is up to you.
As if you needed it.
But then again, maybe he did grasp them, or maybe he was just lucky.
I'm in for 1,000.
See it.
Call.
No problem.
Two cards.
Give me three.
I'll take the lid.
You got it, baby.
Dealer stands pat.
You wouldn't be bluffing, would you? Another thousand.
I'm history.
Call the thousand.
And raise you 2,000.
Well, I'm going to see your thousand, your two and I raise $5,000.
Too rich for my blood.
Excuse me.
I got to make a pit stop.
Where's more beer? In the kitchen.
Jeannie's in there making some sandwiches.
You got to stop playing crazy poker like this.
You're gonna make them mad, and they'll leave.
Or worse.
They'll come back.
Now, what did you have? Pair of threes.
Ah That's what I thought.
Be careful, will you? Listen, I just won $40,000.
Who cares? I care.
I like you like a son, and I don't like the smell of these guys.
Who are they? Just some guys.
Nobody gambles this kind of money that is just some guys.
Now, where do you know them from? From the beachfront bar.
They're record producers or something.
You know, I almost feel kind of sorry for them.
Hi, baby.
Thanks for the sandwiches.
No problem.
Look, would you mind if I took a little walk around the beach? As long as you come back.
Kiss-kiss.
Mmm.
You bet.
Deal.
Ante two.
My two's in.
I'm in.
Hi, Higgins.
I thought you were going home.
I intended to.
But then it was pointed out to me that we were woefully low on supplies because none have been ordered, that the painting on the terrace has not been completed because the painters were not issued a check, and that the King Kamehameha Club Charity 10K Run may not take place because the club manager failed to obtain the street permit in time.
And now I find, that instead of finally fulfilling your obligations, you have compounded your dereliction by closing off the Anuenue Room in order to gamble, drink and womanize on King Kamehameha Club time and property! You are hereby on notice, Rick, that any further failure to fulfill your responsibilities here will result in your summary dismissal.
Am I making myself clear? Yes, Higgins.
Deal.
By the by, the Anglo-Polynesian Charities Drive is looking for a principal sponsor for their indigent elderly program.
I'm sure that a sizeable contribution from you would go a long way toward uplifting your posture in the community.
It looks like the party's over.
Yeah, but we'll be back.
You know, you owe us a few hands.
And you owe me about $40,000.
Trust us.
We'll be back.
When? Later.
10:00.
You can keep time with this until then.
Okay? Sure.
Why not? Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Man, you're naive.
That might be a fake.
Who cares, I like the action, I like the juice.
Besides, I'm rich.
Sometimes that's not a permanent condition.
Remember what I told you, be careful.
I was careful.
Careful? You set off every alarm in the place.
It was accidental! It was clumsy! I thought you were a pro.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, what seems to be the problem? The initial consultation is, of course, free.
He got us arrested again! I can see that.
Because I was trying to help him! Yeah, some help.
I used my contacts at the Hall of Records, to find out where the real Dennis MacKenzie actually lives.
We went there to talk to him, but And the estate was locked, the intercom was broken.
And he talked me into climbing over the fence.
I think I could plea bargain it down to simple trespassing.
No, no, no! Listen to the whole thing! Dennis MacKenzie wasn't there.
Just a mean old junkyard dog Boyer.
You didn't kill him, did you? No! No! What about the dog? Rosine? Still no sign of Jeannie? Thanks.
Jeannie? Higgins.
Higgins, can you please come back tomorrow? Yes, yes, I will.
I'll be back tomorrow to see that you are completely moved out of this apartment.
What? The Board of Directors has relieved you of your duties.
What? You've been fired.
Why? A matter of a last straw.
What do you mean? There is not one single, solitary straw in the bar with which to serve a drink.
Unfortunately, there is a quorum of the Board of Directors present and they like their drinks mixed and their managers managing.
They've sent me up here to terminate you.
I did try to warn you.
I am sorry.
But there was a vote taken.
You're a rich man now.
Enjoy it.
Oh, by the by, you won't forget the Anglo-Polynesian Charities Drive, will you? Hello.
This is Cornell Dye, your poker playing buddy.
When are you guys coming back? We're not.
You're not? What Now shut up and listen.
There's been a change in plans.
You know, we don't like losing to amateurs.
As a matter of fact, we don't like losing, period.
Listen, you So instead of sitting down with you and trying to win it all back, we've decided that you'll just give it to us.
And whatever you've got left of your million as interest.
You know, minus the IRS, we estimate that at about 500,000 or so.
You guys must be crazy.
Maybe.
But we've also got your fiancée, and right now she looks like she's in one piece.
You're lying.
Say hello, Jeannie.
Rick.
Lookout Point, Diamond Head Crater.
Dawn.
It's money or love, pal.
Cash.
I need cash.
I'll call you back.
Rick, wait! You can't call me back! I have to.
We're in jail again.
Call Higgins.
He won't come.
Call Carol.
Rick, I called you.
One phone call, remember? Forget it, Thomas.
Look, I'm trying to get hold of a banker.
I'll take care of you guys later.
Rick.
I can't talk now.
Can't you understand? Checkmate.
The money.
It's $420,000.
That's all I've got.
Let's see it.
I'll take it.
Let the girl out of the car first.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, are you all right? Jeannie? There's one born every minute.
Jeannie! Jeannie.
My Aunt Maggie used to say that friendship was something like a sponge.
It could soak up a lot of garbage and gunk, but when you wrung it out, you still had a sponge.
Now, I'm not quite sure what that all meant, but I did know as far as Rick was concerned, there was a whole lot of wringing out to be done before that sponge could be used again.
What? Does he think we're trying to sponge off him and his millions or something? What's the matter with him? Nothing.
I'm fine.
Just a momentary lapse.
That's all.
I don't know.
Rick just sounded real upset.
Yeah, banker wasn't at his immediate disposal.
It's funny how you think you know someone, been through everything, then all of a sudden you find out that you don't know them at all.
I'm gonna kill him.
Oh, no, come on.
At least we gotta talk to him first.
Once we get out.
If we get out.
You guys are out.
Who's springing us? Higgins? Orville? Carol? Me.
Yes.
Higgins.
It's me, Rick.
I've got to Look, if you've come to plead with me for your job back, there's virtually nothing I can do about it.
Higgins, I need your help.
Please! I brought your check.
Very well.
This is perhaps the most unbelievably depressing story I've ever heard, and I've heard my share.
It reminds me of the time Higgins, Higgins, please.
Tell me about it later.
Right now, I've got to find Thomas and T.
C.
Do you have any idea where they are? I would presume in jail again.
No, I called there.
They've been bailed out.
I thought it might have been you.
Hardly.
However, I don't understand your urgency.
The crisis is over.
You've lived and learned.
And I will speak to the Board about your reinstatement.
Perhaps.
The urgency is not over, Higgins.
I've got to find them.
Why? I've got to tell them that I'm sorry.
The crisis may be over, but I really messed up, messed up real bad, even worse than being made a fool of or losing all my money.
Look what it's done to me.
I may have lost my friends and maybe my job, too.
I gotta set things right, Higgins.
And that goes for you, too.
I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
I don't know where they are, but I venture to guess that it has something to do with the problem of Dennis MacKenzie Industries and T.
C.
's Clubhouse.
Though I seriously doubt that they are downtown visiting Blair Boyer again.
This time, they'd probably get a life sentence.
Yeah.
But I wouldn't.
Where are you going? I'm going for broke.
I not only left him broke, I broke his spirit, too.
See, it was only supposed to be a minor scam.
I was gonna get tight with him, set him up, then Cornell and Benny were going to come in and to cheat him out of about a hundred grand in the card game.
Boom, we're out.
But he won.
That's because he didn't play like a normal person.
So Cornell got mad and And decided to go for the whole thing.
And I went along with it.
Till now.
That's it.
Why did you change your mind? Because I found out I liked him.
When I couldn't shake the look on his face after we left him standing all alone on that road, I knew I had to tell him.
But he won't talk to me.
So I found out where you were and I got you guys.
You've got a good friend.
But I guess, like a lot of people, he has a couple of weak spots.
And like a shark, I went for them.
Wait here.
Who's there? Jeannie.
The money! Sorry, toots, but I tried to be reasonable.
Damn it, I want those shares sold by the time the market opens tomorrow morning.
You got it? All of them! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
You know who you're talking to? Do you? Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Nobody talks that way to Dennis MacKenzie.
Nobody.
No, sir.
Now, you dump those shares, or your next job will be at the end of a broom sweeping up ticker tape from the exchange floor! You got it? Yes, sir.
The word "maybe" isn't in the vocabulary of Dennis MacKenzie.
You got that? You bet.
You got that? Now do the job.
Yes, sir.
Debralee Debralee is a little tied up right now, Dennis.
Is there something I could do for you? It's Blair.
Uh-uh.
It's Dennis MacKenzie.
Now, that's fraud or something, isn't it? What do you want? Not much.
See, Dennis.
This is gonna be real easy.
Rick was finally right about something.
It was real easy.
In return for not revealing Dennis MacKenzie's secret alter ego, Blair Boyer, T.
C.
got his clubhouse rebuilt and all charges against us were dropped.
As for trying to find the money, we didn't.
Now the only hard part was saying good-bye.
Jeannie, are you sure you have to go? No.
But I'd better.
Not everything I told you was a lie.
The true part is I am from Kansas.
My folks have a farm there.
Things aren't going so good, so I think maybe it's right I go back and try to stick it out with them.
You know, help.
Like what you did for your friends.
And you for me.
But we lost your money.
Money isn't everything.
Maybe.
Here.
What? I hocked the pearls and all the clothes you bought me.
Between chartering the jet, and buying the limo, and being totally ripped off, at least this experience won't be a total loss.
You keep this.
I did everything for you.
Use it for the farm.
Buy some grains, some seeds, some tractors or something.
It's yours.
You've a big heart, Rick.
So do you.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, about as cold as an early morning frost in March.
I nearly destroyed you.
I'm real sorry, Rick.
Jeannie, you came back.
That proves that you have a heart.
Maybe, but I think I can hear it breaking now.
Wrong.
That's the sound of cannons.
Bye.
Bye.
Jeannie.
Wait.
The money was for the farm, but this is for you.
I hope it's worth something.
I'm sure it is.
Hi, Thomas.
You let her get away.
Come on, let's go to the club.
See T.
C.
and Higgins.
And raise a glass to a beautiful friendship.