Bewitched (1964) s06e21 Episode Script

Oh, goodness.
Well! While everyone's at the ball, Cinderella toils.
- Excuse me.
- Have you cleaned the chimney yet? No.
That's on tomorrow's schedule.
Oh, Samantha, why don't you face the truth? That husband of yours hasn't an ounce of ambition.
You've been married all these years, and you're still living in this hovel.
Mother, a hovel is in the eyes of the beholder.
And when it comes to ambition, Darrin has more drive and works harder than Sam, have I got Well, you're not dressed yet.
You'll be late for work.
I'm not going to work today.
I just called Larry and told him I'm taking the morning off.
I've decided to play a relaxed nine holes of golf instead.
Well, if it isn't Horatio Alger.
Sam, have I got any clean golf shirts? Yes.
They're right over here.
I just finished them.
Good.
I'll go up and change.
I can hardly wait to try out those new irons I bought.
- He has his irons, and you have yours.
- Mother.
And you're certainly right about his drive, it's taking him right to the golf course.
Mother, a man like Darrin, who works with ideas, doesn't have to sit behind a desk.
An inspiration can strike him anywhere.
Really? I wish I was an inspiration.
- I'd strike him right in the - Mother! Knock it off.
Blind.
Blind as a woman in love.
Why, oh, why can't she see that Dum-Dum is going no place fast? What he needs is a dose of ambition.
Yes.
A good strong dose of ambition.
It might not help, but it won't hurt.
Well, good afternoon.
- What are you doing in my office? - I was about to have the furniture removed.
I thought you'd quit.
Larry, there's no reason to get snide.
I told you I was gonna play golf this morning.
I was half asleep when you called.
Feel that.
Feels like a tennis racket.
That's not just a tennis racket, it's a Braddock racket.
Braddock quality is unsurpassed.
The workmanship can't be duplicated at any price.
Handling this account has been one of the biggest pushovers I've ever had.
Don't you ever give up? - What do you mean? - I've already told you.
I can't take on the Braddock account.
I just don't have time.
Well, I wasn't trying to talk you into handling it.
No? Good.
But I'd still like to hear one good reason why you can't.
Because there are only 24 hours in the day.
Darrin, will you stop kidding around and give me one good reason? I just gave you plenty of good reasons.
Wait a minute.
I'm finally getting it.
You want a raise.
No, I don't want a raise.
- How much of a raise? - Oh, come on, Larry.
Darrin, I'll be honest with you.
I haven't been doing too well with Braddock.
He's a little younger than I am.
The athletic type.
So I think you two would hit it off a lot better.
That's the only reason I wanted you to handle it.
So will you take a couple of hours and think about it? A mogul, a magnate, a ruthless big deal.
Ambition and power is what you now feel.
Wait a minute, Larry.
I've just thought it over.
I'll take it.
You will? How come you changed your mind? Because you asked me to, because it's an important account, because you are my chief, and because of the raise.
- Raise? What raise? - Larry.
Oh, that raise.
We'll talk about it.
Talk is cheap.
My raise won't be.
We'll talk about it when we see how you hit it off with Braddock.
I have a lunch date with him today, and you're invited.
I'll be there with bells on.
Just come as you are.
Betty, bring in the file on the Braddock account.
And while you're at it, bring in the personal folder on Braddock himself.
It's too bad you didn't see that fight last night, Tate.
It was a beauty.
The champ just kept jabbing away and jabbing away, and then, bam, a left hook and it was all over.
How come you missed it? I thought you told me you were a fight fan.
Oh, I am, I am.
But at the time I was attending a much more important fight, with my wife.
- Who won? - It was a draw.
Oh, there he is.
Yes, sir.
Leave it to me.
Looks like a nice chap.
Clean-cut, fit.
Oh, they don't come any cleaner-cut or fitter.
I like that.
Braddock Sporting Goods likes to use men who look like they use their products.
Yes, sir, fitness counts.
Darrin Stephens, this is Bob Braddock.
- Mr Braddock.
- Hi.
- Good to meet you.
- Thank you.
- Sorry I'm late, but gym, you know.
- Jim who? Larry, I told you I was gonna work out at the gym before lunch.
Oh, that gym.
Sure.
As I always say, mens sana in corpore sano.
That's funny.
- That's always been my motto.
- Is that right? Terrific motto.
Mens sana in In corpore sano.
"A healthy mind in a healthy body.
" Oh.
That is terrific.
How about a cocktail? In the middle of the day? You know me better than that, Larry.
Isn't that interesting? You know, I'll bet you and me are the only two men I know who don't drink in the afternoon.
Make that three men.
You know, you look so familiar, Mr Braddock.
- Missouri, '53? - Oh, no.
Wisconsin, '47.
Let me guess.
Basketball.
Track.
Ran the 100.
No kidding.
So did I.
- What was your time? - What was yours? - 10.
2.
- Mine was 10.
3.
Beat you.
Excuse me, Mr Tate.
There's a telephone call for you.
Oh.
Be right back.
- Nice guy.
- Larry? He's a prince.
The thing I like most about him is he's not a credit grabber.
If we score with a client, he doesn't hesitate to say that I was responsible.
- You know, Mr Braddock - Bob.
Bob.
In my opinion, Larry Tate's one of the best executives I've ever known.
Well, a good executive is one who surrounds himself with top talent.
Oh, thank you.
Larry's the main reason I stay at McMann & Tate.
There's no greater satisfaction in the world than being needed.
You know, you're quite a guy yourself, Stephens.
I'm surprised Tate doesn't make you a partner.
Well, I'm satisfied just to do the work and let Larry reap the benefit.
That's strange.
When I got to the phone, no one was on it.
Well, don't worry about that.
You left me in very good hands.
McMann & Tate has the best hands in the business.
You mean you hire the best hands in the business.
Sam? - Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.
I have regards for you from Louise and Mrs McMann.
Oh, yeah, the lunch.
How did it go? - Did they have anything to say about me? - What makes you think we talked about you? I just assumed you'd bring the subject up.
Making an impression on the bosses' wives doesn't hurt, you know? Darrin, you're kidding.
Well, just half kidding.
How was the lunch? Well, the food wasn't anything, - but we did raise quite a - Speaking of lunch, I took over the Braddock account today, and by the end of lunch, I had him in my back pocket.
Hey, that's great.
- Darrin, you know we raised over $3,000 - You know, I forgot to mention that Braddock told Larry he doesn't want anybody in the shop but me to handle the account.
Hey, that's terrific.
We haven't even counted the mail pledges yet, and I forgot the most important thing.
Larry is giving me a raise.
Sam, I tell you, there is no stopping me.
Apparently not.
But do you think you could stop long enough for dinner? - We're having chicken.
- That reminds me.
That raise Larry gave me is just chicken feed.
Why should I have to sit around and wait for crumbs? The chicken is breaded, if that'll help.
Do you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna start inviting people over for dinner.
Important people, people who count, people who can do something for me.
Darrin, I think you had something besides lunch for lunch.
We should have Mr McMann over for dinner.
It certainly can't hurt to entertain the president and the chairman of the board of the company.
And Larry and Louise.
Sam, do you know I could control every account in that agency if I wanted to? I could get Larry's job if I wanted it.
- Darrin - And I want it! Sam, I'm going to invite the McManns over to dinner tomorrow night.
The Braddock account is just the beginning.
Next I'll take over the agency.
You see, this is the age of conglomerates.
You start with one little company and then merge with another little company, and then you're a big company.
Then you take your big company and you merge with another big company and Darrin, you're taking all the oxygen out of the room.
- Lf you'll excuse me, I'll start dinner.
- Sam? You're gonna have everything your heart desires.
Everything except someone to have dinner with.
Mother, may I congratulate you? This is one of the nastiest spells you have ever put on Darrin.
Now I'm trying to be nice about this, but if you prefer, I'll start yelling.
Mother! I'm exhausted.
- I just flew back from Venus.
- I don't want to hear about it.
I planted a broom up there.
It's ours now.
And, meanwhile, down here, Darrin has become a power-driven monster.
- A little dose of ambition won't hurt him.
- A little dose? Mother, believe me when I tell you, you have overdone it a lot.
Darrin is so power mad that he hasn't even got time to say hello to his children or have dinner with his wife.
Oh, Samantha, there'll be plenty of time for hellos and dinners when Durwood is a multimillionaire.
- Till then, ta-ta.
- Mother, wait.
I can't, darling.
I'm due in the decontamination chamber.
Mother! Mother! What about decontaminating this house? Sam, the McManns'll be here any minute.
Are you about ready? Yeah, I'll be ready in a second, sweetheart.
That must be them.
Sam, will you hurry up? Opportunity is ringing our bell.
Darrin, before you go downstairs, I want to tell you something.
Well, your sudden desire for money and power, it's because of the spell Mother put on you.
Sam, this is one time when you're absolutely wrong.
- Your mother did not put a spell on me.
- Then how do you explain your behaviour? I'm only behaving like any guy who wants better things for his family.
Darrin, I'm perfectly happy with everything I have, and you knew that until Mother stuck her two cents in.
What's two cents when I'm talking about millions? Sam, will you hurry up? I just have one more little thing to do - and then I'll be right down.
- Okay.
Then at lunch yesterday, he put on a performance you wouldn't believe.
He had Braddock in the palm of his hand.
Well, isn't that what he's supposed to do? Sure, but when I came back to the table, he and Braddock seemed to be sharing some kind of a secret.
They looked at me and grinned.
Larry Tate, don't be late.
Call McMann.
He holds your fate.
You're so uptight, Larry.
Why don't we go to a movie and relax? Good idea.
We haven't seen a good McMann in weeks.
A what? The McManns.
I was just thinking.
Why don't we call them up and play a little bridge? But we always fight when we play bridge.
We also fight when we're not playing bridge.
Call them.
- Gin and tonic for you, Mrs McMann.
- Yes, I agree with Thank you.
And Mr McMann, double Scotch and water, - right? - Right.
And drink this one more slowly, Howard.
Larry tells me that you are handling the Braddock account, and doing a marvellous job.
Thank you, sir.
Of course, I'm not doing half the job Larry could have done, fifteen years ago, when he was a ball of fire.
Yes, Larry was tops in his time.
He's good now, too.
He has some marvellous ideas, and the fact that they're a little old-fashioned just adds to our image of stability.
Oh, our reputation is solid.
No doubt about that.
The only problem with the old-fashioned approach is that the market is narrowing down to the younger people, and that old-fashioned stuff just isn't where it's at.
It's not what they're into, as they say.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got a point there.
I'll get some more hors d'oeuvre.
But on the other hand, now Larry has surrounded himself with young, vital people.
- I mean, like yourself.
- Well, of course, he has.
Larry's done everything possible to keep up with the times, and he's done quite well, very well, most of the time.
I wonder if maybe Larry needs a rest.
Well, I'll tell you, Mr McMann Howard.
Larry has been at this game a long time.
A rest might do him good.
He's not looking too well.
He certainly deserves a vacation.
Maybe a good long one.
Let the young people take over.
Men like you, Darrin.
As a matter of fact, why not you yourself? Why, Howard, I'm shocked.
Sam, did you hear that? Yes, I did, and I'm just as shocked as you are.
- Care for a pig in a blanket? - No, thanks.
- Mr McMann? - Oh, no, thank you.
I'll get it.
Excuse me.
Samantha, you ought to be mighty proud of that man of yours.
There's no holding him down.
We could try tying him.
Larry, Louise.
Well, I wasn't expecting you.
I know.
We were just in the neighbourhood.
Thought we'd drop in for a drink.
Hi, Larry, Louise, come right on in.
- Thank you, Sam.
- Don't you look lovely.
Hey, Louise, look who's here.
The McManns.
- You look lovely, Margaret.
- Thank you.
- How are you? - Howard, how nice to see you.
Well, Larry, what a coincidence.
You know, I was just about to suggest to Darrin that we get together and have a meeting tomorrow morning.
- Sure.
What about? - How about a drink, Larry? Don't mind if I do.
- What would you like, Louise? - Scotch and soda would be nice.
Freshen mine up, too, Darrin.
Make it another double.
Not so much water.
As a matter of fact, forget the water.
- Wasn't that luncheon smashing today? - Excuse me, honey.
- Yes.
- I had absolutely no What the devil are you up to, anyway? Larry, I've made some decisions.
There's really no reason why we have to wait till tomorrow to discuss it.
There are gonna be some big changes at McMann & Tate.
First First I think I'll have that drink.
Howard.
That's pretty good, Stephensy.
Think I'll have another of the same.
This time forget the ice.
As I was saying, I've decided on some changes to be made at McTate & Mann.
And, I've decided that Darrin makes a mighty fine drink.
Now I'll get right to the point.
Mother! You are destroying a friendship and a business association, and I don't think that's what you had in mind.
Mother! Oh! I was bronco-busting in Texas when you called.
But it's just as well.
- The only thing I was busting was my - Mother! Please spare me the explanations, just lift the spell.
Oh, all right.
If you insist on being so completely provincial and narrow-minded, suit yourself.
Elephants trumpet, bees buzz, make Dum-Dum the little old drudge he was.
So long, y'all.
Mother! Sam, what happened? You were about to throw Larry to the wolves.
Yes.
I was, wasn't I? You had almost convinced Mr McMann that Larry is a doddering old fool, and you are the perfect man to replace him.
I didn't say he was a doddering old fool.
Let's not nitpick.
The truth is, you were under a spell, and if you had listened to me earlier, you would have realised it.
Now what are we gonna do? Well, you dug yourself into this trap, let's see how many strokes you need to get out.
You were saying? Stephensy and I were talking about the fact that the biggest part of the market today, excuse me, honey, consists of young people.
Consequently, we need a young mind to lead the way.
And who would be more perfect in that than Than you, Larry.
If there's one thing I've always admired, it's the way you've kept in step with the times.
Me? Well, I try.
Oh, Larry, you have a wonderfully youthful outlook.
Why, thank you.
I'm confused.
We were discussing the necessity of young people more active in the agency, and, of course, in line with that Right, Mr McMann.
The young people should have a greater voice.
And thank goodness for the guidance of Larry that, that greater voice doesn't go wild.
I seem to have missed something.
See, the basic principle of advertising never changes.
Get their attention and tell them why your product is better than the next guy's.
That's what Larry always says.
Right? I do say that, always.
You seem to be contradicting yourself.
Well, of course, I'm contradicting myself.
It's part of my philosophy.
See, I think it's healthy to shake things up once in a while, get the cobwebs out, you know? - This is amazing.
- Howard? Now you see what I go through with this young genius.
Don't try to make any sense out of what he says, just look at the results.
Well, I guess that's what's it at.
Where it is.
Right.
Well, I don't know about that, but it's time to serve dinner.
Well, we'd better be going.
Now don't be silly.
You're staying to dinner.
No, no, no.
We're not going to barge in.
- You're not barging in.
- Yes, we are.
So you're barging, but if you can't barge in on an old friend, where can you? Right, old friend? Right.
You son of a gun.
Louise, why don't you sit there? - And, sweetheart, would you get - Did I say "amazing"? Yes, dear, you did.
Well, I meant revolting.
But if those two guys are that crazy about each other, who am I to stand in their way? - Would you like another drink, Mr McMann? - Oh, no, thanks.
- But I do think I'd better eat something.
- Right this way.
- Come on, honey.
- Yes.
So you've finally come to your senses.
You're leaving Durwood.
I always said that my little girl would come back to me.
- Mother, hold it.
- Yes? - I am not leaving Darrin.
- You're not? No.
I'm leaving with him, on a trip, courtesy of Larry Tate.
It's a bonus for his work on the Braddock account.
We're leaving as soon as Esmeralda gets here.
You ready yet? The cloud in my silver lining.
- Has Sam told you about the trip? - Yes, and I hope you do.
Mother, I forgot.
- Guess what Darrin bought me.
- A new mop? A magnificent new yacht.
Really? Well, that is a surprise.
You see? My zinging him with a little ambition didn't hurt.
- When do I get to see it? - Right now, if you like.
Now? Where is it docked? Right over here.
It's nothing but a toy.
It's unsinkable, un-sailable And unbelievable.
And the only kind of yacht I care to own.