Magnum, P.I. (1980) s06e21 Episode Script

Hey! Don't you ever look before you pull out into traffic? Well, I didn't realize I'd be pulling into the Indy 500.
They want something that you have and I want to know what it is.
Don't you have a gun? Why do I have to wear the wig? Rick, it's only for five minutes.
How do you figure this stuff out? Logic and intuition.
Blind luck.
Hey! Stop him! Stop him! This way.
Quick.
Whatever.
Perhaps it would be more practical if you spoke English.
Oh! You speak English.
Well, I really didn't get a good look at him, but I think he was short and he had kind of blue What was taken? My camera case.
My absolute favorite camera.
My dad gave it to me when I was 16, on my sixteenth birthday.
It was so Money, passport? No.
No, no, no.
But the case, it was hand-tooled.
You know, I'm never going to find another one like it anywhere, I know.
It was really hard to Was there anything else of value in the case? No, I told you.
The camera.
Something else perhaps someone might want to steal.
Like drugs? Of course not.
Just the case.
Oh, God.
These.
These.
No.
Nothing else.
Nothing.
You don't want to miss your plane, mademoiselle.
If you will be so kind as to give me your name and where you live, we can send it to you should it be recovered.
Shelly Faraday.
Honolulu.
Hawaii.
There are some things in life you just can't escape.
Sooner or later you have to get things like childhood vaccinations.
And there's that first trip to the dentist.
And, at least in my case, that first visit to the school principal.
But none of these things holds a candle to one of life's most unpleasant certainties.
Everyone somehow, somewhere, has to accept an award in front of people.
At least once in his life.
Higgins.
Go away.
You're ruining Caldwell's shot.
I can't ruin anybody's shot, they can't hear me.
Oh, you know, my uncle Tom used to do that, except he did it with tequila and lemon.
You know What is it? What do you want? The cat speech is today.
The what? The cat speech, for Agatha's cat.
What on Earth are you talking about? The Cat Admirers and Trainers Society.
You know, I mean, it started about a week ago, the day we had those heavy rains.
Well, there was a cat in the tidal pool.
Now, I don't know how it got there Magnum, for God's sake, get to the point.
The point is somehow Somehow Agatha found out that I saved the cat, and her cat people voted me Cat Lover of the Month.
And now I have to give a speech and I just wondered if you'd listen to it to see if it was okay because I'm a little nervous, and since you're not doing anything real important Not important? This is the fist time in the long history of the game that those of us on this side of the world can observe the snooker championships on that side of the world, and you want me to squander this opportunity to hear some speech about cats? Okay.
Okay, I didn't realize it was such a big deal.
I'll wait until this incredibly exciting moment is over.
I have time.
I can wait.
Mr.
Teasdale is looking for the top right-hand corner.
"Thank you, Agatha, and thank you all for this honor.
" "Thank you, all of you, for this honor.
" "Thank you, Agatha, and thank you for the " No.
"Thank you, Agatha and thank you, all of you, for this wonderful honor.
"I can't really take all the credit for " Magnum, for the last time What a shot! What? Who? And a brilliant end to the frame for Mr.
Caldwell.
The interval.
Great! "Thank you, Agatha.
Thank you, all of you " No.
No.
No.
I barely have enough time to brew another cup of tea before the finalists return to the table.
You're the one who rescued the cat, you're the one who, therefore, must suffer the consequences.
Good day.
Okay, okay.
I didn't realize you were so addicted to pool.
It's not pool.
Billiards.
Snooker.
Snooker.
"Snooker.
" "Snooker"! And believe it or not, there are still some aspects of my personality about which you have no knowledge.
For the last time, go.
Okay, fine, but you're missing an excellent chance to correct my grammar and ridicule my syntax.
Oh, Magnum, wait.
I knew you'd change your mind.
"Thank you, Agatha, and thank you, all of you " Someone Someone, a young lady, quite distressed by the tone of her voice, has been trying to reach you.
She says her name is Shelly Faraday.
She's called all morning while you were out, but you left your answering machine I left my answering machine off again.
I know.
This may be too much to ask, but for the next 48 hours I want to be left alone.
Shelly Faraday? Correct.
Here we are at the start of the twentieth frame.
Willy Teasdale lines up for the break, and the crowd settles down.
During the height of the storm, when he saw that Tybalt was drowning in the deepest portion of the tidal pool, he responded without hesitation, diving into the tidal pool, fully dressed, without regard to his personal safety, and rescued Tybalt from what we could describe, without exaggeration, as a certain death.
Hi, this is Thomas Magnum.
I am unable to take your call right now but if you'll leave a message I'll get back to you.
Thanks.
This is Shelly Faraday again.
Where are you? And so, Thomas Magnum, the Cat Admirers and Trainers Society is proud to present you with this Cat Lover of the Month award.
Thank you, Agatha.
And thank you, Tybalt.
And thank you, all of you, for this wonderful honor.
You know, I really can't take all the credit for saving Tybalt's life.
Whichever one this happens to be.
Oh, I'd say five or six, from the look of him.
Sorry, Tybby.
I didn't mean to be catty.
No, I'd say it was a series of catastrophic events that catapulted me into this category of cat hero.
Anyway I never had a cat for a pet.
I never did.
I don't know what happened but I had this This cousin, Claude, and he had this long-haired Persian.
And we used to play this great game with him on the kitchen linoleum.
We called it "spin the cat.
" I mean, you take the cat and you'd spin him around about eight or ten times, and then you'd just slide him down the kitchen floor all the way to the door.
You should see the cat when he tries to walk back to you.
It's great! Oh, it didn't hurt the cat.
I mean, he No, he liked the game.
No, he Honest.
He loved it.
He loved it.
He used to try to get us to play it with him all the time.
Then in high school No.
No.
Well, I wouldn't feel so badly, Mr.
Magnum.
Actually, parts of your speech were quite amusing.
Let's face it, Agatha.
It was a disaster.
Well, look at it this way.
Each person is only allotted so many times to fall on their face in his lifetime.
Now you have one less.
Thanks.
Hey! Mr.
Magnum! Agatha! I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It's all my fault.
Please say you're all right.
Are you all right? What the hell are you doing? You could've killed us both! Well, I just looked away for a minute, then realized Do you see what you did to my car? You should have your driver's license permanently revoked! Oh, dear.
Mr.
Magnum.
Hey, I'm not entirely to blame.
Don't you ever look before you pull out into traffic? Well, I didn't realize I'd be pulling into the Indy 500.
Mr.
Magnum If you had any manners, you might accept a lady's apology.
Manners! Manners! Thomas! I believe I've broken my leg.
I'm coming with you to the hospital.
I wouldn't hear of it.
I'll be fine.
No.
No, it's my fault.
I want to stay with you until I know you're all right.
I survived the blitz.
What's a little broken ankle? Besides, you need to get cracking.
The trail is getting cold.
The suspects are slipping out of your grasp.
Don't worry, Agatha.
I'm going to find them.
And I'll get to the hospital as soon as I can, then.
You may be a terrible speechmaker, Mr.
Magnum, but you're still a hero to me.
Mr.
Magnum? Look, I'm really sorry about what happened.
I really Let's just exchange driver's license information.
I have it right here.
And your insurance agent can talk to my insurance agent and they can This is expired! What? Your driver's license is expired! It must've happened in Europe, while I was there.
Now, don't worry.
I'll take care of any of the damages.
Just tell me This is ruined.
This is ruined.
Don't worry about it.
I told you I would pay for any of the damages.
You just tell me how much and where and when and Where to, bro? Lefty's.
For this car? You're the boss.
Do you have a number where you can be reached? You're not leaving.
I have to talk to you! Now, look.
Wait, Miss What? Faraday.
Shelly Faraday.
Miss.
Faraday, look I have You've been calling me.
Yes.
This wasn't an accident.
No! I mean, not all of it.
I didn't mean for this to happen and I certainly never meant for anyone to get hurt.
I was trying to get in touch with you so that I could tell I've gotta take my car in.
I'll drive you and we can discuss the case in the car.
I don't I don't want to discuss it in the car or anywhere else.
You don't even know what it's about.
It doesn't matter what it's about.
I've gotta find the men who almost ran down my friend Agatha.
That is going to take up most of my time.
So I'm sorry, I cannot take your case.
The men were chasing me.
I'm taking your case.
What makes you think you're being followed? Nice.
Your niece? No.
In Nice, in France.
Yes, I know where Nice is.
So, these guys were following you in France? Well, I'm not sure they're the exact guys.
That doesn't work.
And I'm not sure they were following me there exactly, but I'm absolutely positive that they're connected.
Connected to what? Well, that's what I'm not sure of.
That's why I need to hire you.
You see, it all happened the last day I was in Monte Carlo.
Somebody broke into my hotel room.
But they didn't take anything.
And I thought that was really suspicious.
But the hotel management You know how they are over there, about rumors, about break-ins, and all that You saw it was those two guys? No.
I didn't see anybody.
But I did see the kid who stole my camera case.
I thought you said they didn't take anything.
At the hotel.
They didn't take anything at the hotel.
But then at the airport, this kid stole my camera case.
Now, I didn't get a real good look at him, but if I saw him in a lineup, I am sure I would recognize him.
Oh? And he was with these two guys? No! Miss Faraday, what makes you think you're being followed? Hey, wait.
Where are you going? What are you doing? You're supposed to be taking me to the garage.
Well, I just have to make a little stop first.
I didn't think you'd mind.
Mind? Mind? Why should I mind? I have this fashion layout First you destroy my car.
I have to drop over to Vanden's department store by 1:30.
And then you trick me into riding with you They absolutely have to have it today.
with some ridiculous story about some bad guys chasing you all over Europe.
Just France.
I didn't say anything about the rest of Europe.
What is it you really want? If you don't want to help me, you should've said so in the first place.
I did.
I don't even think those guys were following you at all.
What do you think they were doing? That's what I intend to find out.
Fine.
Fine.
Let me just drop this layout off and I'll take you to your garage! Don't bother.
I'll take the bus.
Suit yourself.
I will.
Fine.
Oh! I've got something! Play him out, give him some line.
Give him some line.
He's gonna get away.
No, he's not.
Come on, we've gotta wear him out.
Now reel him in.
Reel him in.
Good.
Good.
Good.
Oh! I saw him! Did you see him? Yeah.
I saw him on a plate with some almandine sauce.
We're not home! He got away! This better be good news.
Hello! T.
C.
, how are you, buddy? I just lost a world record catch to listen to "How are you, buddy"? Well, if you're busy Yeah, I'm busy.
Well, it won't take long, see.
I just called to tell you I had the Ferrari towed to Lefty's, and I told him to put the repairs on your bill.
But don't worry, I'm good for it.
You what? T.
C.
! We got another bite! Great! I knew you'd understand.
Thanks, T.
C.
Help! Help! When it beeps, speak, ciao! Rick, it's Thomas.
Look, I really need your help.
You've gotta track down a car for me.
I didn't get a license number, but it's a late model domestic sedan.
It's brown, I think, I'm pretty sure it's a rental, and it probably has a streak of red paint where it hit the Ferrari.
I think I found it.
Thanks.
"RTO 456.
" Shh.
Your friends from Monte Monte Carlo are here.
Where? Arrest them.
I can't arrest them.
As soon as you're safe, I'll come back We can't leave them here.
They'll get away.
Will you trust me on this one? I know what I'm doing.
Come on.
There she is.
My shoe.
Leave it! These are Charles Jourdan.
Do you have any idea how expensive they are wholesale? Pull your gun.
Just get to the car! Don't you have a gun? Keep moving.
You don't have a gun? Give me the keys.
Oh, I can drive.
I've seen how you drive.
Just give me the keys.
What kind of private eye doesn't carry a gun? It's private investigator.
And the kind that doesn't think he'll need one, 'cause all he planned on doing all day was give a speech for cats.
Oh, my Why didn't you tell me? Miss Faraday, what are they after? You know something you're not telling me.
See, they had a good clear shot at you and they didn't take it.
That must mean that they want something that you have and I want to know what it is.
Mr.
Magnum, do you know what it's like living in someone else's shadow your whole life? I hardly think this is the time to hear your life story.
I mean, we have Faraday? Your father is Dutch Faraday! The Dutch Faraday? Yeah, I know.
You love his work.
You've studied his techniques.
You probably have his book of nudes.
No, as a matter of fact, I have his book on movie queens.
Oh, so you wonder how he captures their souls so magnificently on just a little strip of petroleum product, right? So, you think those guys are connected to Dutch Faraday? You would think, at least, this experience could be my own.
Well, I just thought that you might have something of your father's that somebody might want to steal.
No.
I have something of mine that someone might want to steal.
What? My book.
What book? The one I'm writing.
The one I was researching in Europe.
When this book comes out, people are going to have to acknowledge, finally, that Shelly Faraday is a major talent in her own right.
Not just Dutch Faraday's daughter.
Obviously, somebody doesn't want to see that happen.
Someone couldn't bear to see Dutch Faraday topple from his pedestal.
And that someone is trying to steal this film before I get it to my publisher.
What kind of book? Road signs.
Road signs? Road signs.
Oh, the emotional, spiritual, psychological road signs that human beings encounter during their lifetimes.
No.
Stop.
Go.
Yield.
Rough road ahead.
Road signs.
Road signs? Exactly.
What's so funny? Nothing! I mean, why would anybody want to steal photographs of road signs? Why would anyone want to look at photographs of road signs? Road signs are the windows of the world.
A chance for us to get closer together, globally.
It's not so funny.
I've hurt your feelings.
No, you haven't.
Well, that's good.
I mean, 'cause I don't want to.
I don't I think it's great that you're putting a book together.
No matter what it is.
You don't think that's what they're after? Oh, hey, what the heck? Maybe it is.
I mean, we've got nothing else to go on.
Maybe it is.
Well, I didn't want to trust a commercial lab with these.
We can develop these ourselves.
Do you have a darkroom? If it's your darkroom, why do we have to be quiet? Well, there's someone else who lives here, and he's kind of a camera buff and he asks me for pointers from time to time.
I don't mind helping him out, but I don't think we have the time right now to answer all his Oh, my God! Higgins! Higgins? I hope you have a good explanation for this unwarranted intrusion.
You have destroyed the negative of what is perhaps the finest thirty-five millimeter shot ever taken from a large screen projected video image.
Snooker? "Snooker.
" Caldwell's frame-winning shot, to be precise.
Lost forever.
What possible feeble, lame excuse can you have for such a reprehensible act? Somebody's trying to kill me.
Our only clue to him could be on this film.
Oh.
What is it, exactly, we're looking for? I'm not sure.
Wow, these are much better than I thought they would be.
Much better.
Road signs? "Windows to the world," Higgins.
You destroyed my photograph of Caldwell's perfect shot for road signs? Wait, wait! Look, look! Did you notice these men when you took the picture? No, not really.
'Cause I always knew I could crop them out.
Do you have any idea who they are? No.
Solis.
Carlos Solis.
Who is Carlos Solis? Who is Carlos Solis? Well know racketeer and money launderer.
He was murdered early last week.
Murdered? The Gazette carried the story.
Here it is.
"Carlos Solis shot execution style.
"Body found on side of road four kilometers west of Cap Ferrat.
" That's where I took the photograph.
"Authorities estimate the time of death between 4 and 5 p.
m.
on Tuesday.
" Two hours after I was there! The other man killed him.
Wait a minute, Shelly, you're making a giant leap in logic.
You can't prove the other guy killed him.
Then why is he after my film? We don't even know for sure if he's the one who's after it.
Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? It does have a certain crazy kind of logic to it.
All right, what was Solis doing that he didn't want photographed? Who is the other man? You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say this guy looks like Owen Kirk, Higgins.
Who's Owen Kirk? That's absolutely beyond the realm of possibility.
Yeah, I know.
Who's Owen Kirk? Owen Kirk was bald, he had a moustache and he's been dead for five years.
I didn't say it was Owen Kirk, I just said it looked like him.
Who's Owen Kirk? Five years ago, Owen Kirk bilked 23 investors Including Robin Masters.
Including Robin Masters out of three million dollars each on some hydrogen converter scam.
And went into hiding? And died in a fiery airplane crash.
What if he didn't? Just hear me out.
If he didn't, he fooled everybody and got away with the money.
An absolutely preposterous theory.
It's time for the 30-second frame to start.
It sure looks like him.
Higgins, you do re-touch work on your photographs? Absolutely not.
That won't prove anything.
I can.
I'd be glad to.
Oh, great.
That's great.
We'll make this guy bald, you put a moustache in there and Higgins and I can identify him.
I'm not going to miss the 30-second frame for some childish guessing game.
I'm sure Robin would like to know if Owen Kirk is still alive.
No.
A little fuller.
My God.
It's Owen Kirk.
We got him! I mean, it's not, but it certainly looks like him.
What do we do now? We call the FBl.
They're closed.
So, first thing in the morning, we take the photograph down, slap it on some agent's desk and tell him we've found Owen Kirk.
Owen Kirk is dead.
I ought to know.
It was my case.
That's what everyone thinks, but the photograph proves he's still alive.
I took that.
It's very nice.
It's been re-touched.
Just to prove that it's Owen.
You see, it's a part of my series on road signs.
I'm publishing a book.
I'm going to call it, Windows to the World.
Road signs? Mmm-hmm.
You two didn't happen to have anything to do with the Howard Hughes autobiography, did you? Of course not.
What kind of a crack is that? We get all kinds in here, ma'am.
Just wait a minute.
I mean, we're not a couple of crackpots trying to pull a fast one on you.
We have evidence that Owen Kirk is alive, and you know there is about 23 people who'd be real interested in knowing why you are not going to re-open the case and try and get their money back.
Come on, just give me one good reason why you're just rushing us out of here instead of taking this seriously.
Dental records.
The body we pulled out of that airplane five years ago was Owen Kirk.
These are the dental records that proved it.
Do they really prove it? Oh, they proved it all right.
Believe me, we were under a microscope with this one.
There were a lot of very wealthy, very influential people who wanted to believe that Owen Kirk was still alive.
And that we could find him.
That's Owen Kirk.
I have to admit that your photograph does bear a slight resemblance, but What if we find more evidence? There is no more evidence.
I mean, there's a lot of areas that we haven't even Sorry.
Well, what do we do now? I'm not sure.
Well, if he's not Owen Kirk, what does he want with the photograph? I'm going to take you back to Robin's Nest.
See if Higgins can come up with any new theories on the Owen Kirk look-alike.
In the meantime, I'm going to go see Agatha.
Oh, do you think maybe she saw something we missed? No, but I think she could use some cheering up.
Oh.
Hi, Agatha.
I brought you some flowers.
I see you already have some.
I won't stay long.
I know how those pain killers can knock you out.
These are all from Higgins! Yeah, I'm sure he would've come by to see you himself, but he's all caught up in his snooker championships.
Yeah.
You know, I remember one time when I was just out of high school.
We had this big pool competition in Tidewater.
And everybody was just fascinated.
They were just fascinated with this new guy in town.
He was a young kid.
And he was absolutely astounding with a pool cue.
And the most amazing part of it was he never tired out, ever.
Yeah.
Well, with good reason.
See, it turned out that he wasn't really a good pool player.
He was two really good pool players.
He and his twin brother.
And it was the scandal of Tidewater.
Brothers.
Thank you, Agatha.
I'll get that.
Hello.
The negatives and all the prints for your friend.
If you call the police, she's dead! You have Shelly? Mr.
Magnum.
Is that you? Are you there? Agatha? I hope you'll forgive me.
I'm afraid I've turned into rather a bother.
David Kirk, Owen Kirk's brother.
I can't believe I didn't see it right away.
Here's another one.
"At the bankruptcy hearing, David Kirk testified "that all of his brother's considerable wealth had been spent on cars, "airplanes and gambling debts.
"David Kirk made a good-faith offer "to pay off all of his brother's creditors "at three cents to the dollar.
" He sounds like one of the good guys.
Well, I'm sure that's what he wanted it to sound like.
Listen to this.
"Also called to testify in the mysterious disappearance of Owen's millions "were Martin Renfrew, Alan Jenkins and Carlos Solis, "all of whom were reputed to have had knowledge "of the whereabouts of the fortune.
" And all of whom recently died under mysterious circumstances.
Exactly.
So you think that they knew where Kirk had stashed the money? Well, I think they were supposed to get a cut of the money and David Kirk doesn't want to share his brother's hidden wealth.
That's fascinating.
How do you figure this stuff out? The usual means utilized by detectives-for-hire, primarily Deductive reasoning, logic, and intuition.
Blind luck.
However, that's not important right now.
What is important is that we implement the plan for Agatha's immediate release.
Exactly.
Well, I'm going, too.
Shelly, we have been through this a dozen times.
So, you think you can just go over there, hand over the negatives and walk away with Miss Chumley? Don't you go to the movies? David Kirk is going to kill you as soon as he is sure he's got what he wants.
And then he's going to find me and kill me.
He can't afford to let any of us live.
Exactly! That is why you're going to call Agent Longdon.
But I At exactly 15:28.
He won't believe me.
It's better that I go with you.
Miss Faraday, if you tell Agent Longdon exactly what I told you to tell him That is not exactly the truth.
I guarantee you he will call out the troops.
And I assure you that any slight embellishment of the truth will be quite forgiven.
I guess you're right.
We'd better go.
Thomas.
I just want to say one little thing.
I'm really sorry for all the trouble that I've caused.
And I'm sorry I didn't show you the photographs earlier.
It's just that I was just so You do have a gun.
I was so self-obsessed with the photographs, you know, thinking that they wanted them because they were so good.
And in reality, they're just a bunch of road signs that couldn't even cause a ripple in the photographic art circle.
I was being egotistical, immature Shelly? Shelly! Could we save this meaningful revelation until after we rescue Agatha? Sure.
Exactly.
Right! Right! Not to worry! Right.
Why do I have to wear the wig? Rick, it's only for five minutes.
If they don't think Shelly came along, they're not gonna hand over Agatha.
Yeah, but I got It's for the good of the operation.
Ready, men? Yes, I'm ready.
Right on schedule.
That's far enough! Where's the girl? She's in the van.
Put the bag down.
Where's David Kirk? Back up 10 feet.
Go T.
C.
Roger! Here I come! Don't even think about it.
Way to go, Thomas! Where's your wig? Exactly as we planned, and no need for the FBl.
Looks like we've found David Kirk.
Your boss doesn't like any witnesses.
Cover me.
Hey! What are you doing? Where's the FBl? I couldn't lie to the FBl, they'd put me in jail.
Put down your gun or I'll kill her Move it on! Real easy! Come on! Well, I guess we did that, didn't we, partner? Oh, no, where are my glasses? Oh, no! Thomas Are you all right? Of course.
Agatha? Are you quite certain you won't stay for the replay of the final moments of the snooker championship? Oh, no, thank you.
I've had enough excitement for one week.
I just wanted to make sure that Miss Chumley was all right.
I'm in fine spirits, thank you.
And I guess thanks to all of you.
You know, somehow I found this whole experience to help me realize that I'm the only one comparing myself to my father.
And that the world is perfectly willing to accept Shelly Faraday all on her own, with my good points as well as my faults and that this experience has been so Miss Faraday.
Miss Faraday.
I've waited 72 hours to see the last frame of this tournament.
I wonder if Oh.
I'm Of course.
I'm gone.
I'll walk you to the car.
I didn't bring my car.
I'm gonna take the bus.
I'm doing an in-depth study on bus advertisements.
I think there's a book in it.
Oh! Well, I think that's just great.
I'll walk you to the bus stop instead.
You'll like this, Agatha.
Caldwell was at the most delicate and critical moment And finally, here in the fortieth frame, Caldwell lines up into what could be the winning shot.
Welcome back to Tiger Stadium.
As we continue play here, in the bottom of the third with the Tigers leading Toronto two to one, in front of a excited opening day crowd.
The Toronto manager's had his talk with the pitcher and has returned to the dugout.
And we're ready for action.
Second baseman Lou Whittaker steps up to the plate.
And it's a base hit.
Baseball? Sure is.
How? What? Why? You! You did it! No, you did.
You put the tape in.
You probably bumped the channel selector to another satellite station.
Jonathan, that isn't Caldwell.
Whittaker slides.
That's Lou Whittaker, Agatha.
Boy, is he exciting! Caviar? Oh, thanks.
Do you have any ketchup?