Friends s06e22 Episode Script

Hi, you guys.
What's the matter? Well, it's just one of these situations that I just hate.
You know, a massage client gave me three tickets to the Helmut Peltz Exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum.
Now you're thinking you gotta sleep with him.
No, it's just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us.
-I'll give up my ticket.
-Me, too.
Okay.
That's so generous.
And I think Ross is generous, too.
Great! Okay.
Then it's just us girls.
-Great.
-Yeah.
So what is the exhibit? It's mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Oh, man! -Hi.
-Hi.
Hey, Ross.
Listen.
Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend.
Thanks? But I have plans.
Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
-That's great! -Yeah.
Think of all the money that you're gonna make! Why? What? Well, her father pays you for babysitting, right? No, no.
That's funny.
But maybe it's time to move on.
You know, let it go.
Stop it! Besides, Rachel's going out with Elizabeth's father.
So he's much older than she is.
Looks like I'm not the only one interested in fossils.
Ross, all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils.
Okay, okay.
Rachel's gonna need to yell sweet nothings in his ear.
-Ross? -Come on! That's funny, you know? 'Cause he's got like a hearing aid, you know? 'Cause he's all old.
One second.
Okay, look, Ross.
So you know, since Lizzie likes you so much l've accepted the fact that you two are dating.
Really? Okay, that's great.
Yeah.
But then I changed my mind.
I'm funny like that.
I told Lizzie and now I'm telling you.
I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore.
All right, look.
I realize it upsets you.
Yes, it does.
But Elizabeth and I are both adults so I don't think there's really anything you can do about it.
I'll inform the university of your relationship, and have you fired.
A man with a plan! The One Where Paul's The Man This is so exciting.
You get your picture back up on the wall of fame.
I know.
It was so cool when it was up there before.
Me and Jim Belushi would just be cracking up about something.
Then I get fired off Days of Our Lives and he takes me down.
Now he's just laughing at me.
Look at him.
That smug Belushi bastard! Okay.
Maybe when they put your picture back up they could put you next to Matt Lauer.
Look at him just smiling at me.
Yeah, I know.
We'd be great together.
-So I'm back.
-Who are you? Joey Tribbiani.
From the wall? Okay, maybe this will jog your memory.
Okay, anyway.
I'm ready to go back up on the wall.
I'm the star of a new TV show.
-Show me in the TV book.
-Well, it's not on TV yet.
Well, then it's not on the wall yet.
Okay, fine.
I will bring you a tape.
So, do you have any of Matt Lauer's clothes here? Maybe? Just ones that haven't been cleaned yet? Fine.
I love museums.
-Soaking up all the culture.
-Yeah.
-Where do you want to start? -The gift shop! -And then lunch.
-Yes, but I can't eat too much.
Paul's taking me out to dinner tonight.
He said he has a big surprise planned.
What do you think? Maybe he's gonna tell you he's gay? What? No, why? No reason.
That would just be a really big surprise, right? You could put the aisle over here and have the wedding ceremony here.
I didn't know you could get married here.
This would be a beautiful place to get married.
But I wouldn't put the aisle there.
And I'd never have the ceremony there.
You'd have the ceremony under this beautiful arch.
May I help you? Sorry.
Didn't mean to interrupt.
It's a beautiful space.
-Do you do a lot of weddings here? -Yes, we're popular.
There's a two-year waiting list.
Sorry.
You should totally put your name down for this place.
What? Are you crazy? I'm not getting married.
I'm not even engaged.
There's a two-year wait.
What if you get engaged in two years? Then you've gotta wait another two years? That's four years.
Chandler's not gonna wait that long.
He's gonna find somebody else, you know? Someone who did put their name on the list.
Yeah.
It can't hurt to put your name down.
I mean, in two years, if you're not engaged, you just don't use it.
Well, I guess there is no harm in putting my name down.
I'm gonna do it, too.
Me, too! Really? Who would you marry? I don't know.
I don't have anyone right now.
Oh, Pheebs.
Don't feel too sorry for me.
At least my boyfriend isn't gay.
Phoebe, that's not-- Don't even get me started on yours.
-So, did you watch the tape of my show? -I did.
-All right.
Let's get me back up there.
-No.
You don't go up on the wall.
-What? But you saw the show.
-Yes.
It was very offensive to my people.
Dry cleaners? Russians.
It showed them as terrorists and villains.
Okay, okay.
Look, you got Harrison Ford up there! That's right.
Mr.
Ford is a very good customer.
He brings us a lot of clothes.
You bring us nothing! Okay, that may be true.
But in Air Force One, okay, the Russians were terrorists and evil! And plus, he kills a bunch of them.
That's offensive to Russians.
I've never seen it.
You should.
It's great! This place is really beautiful.
Yeah.
I've been coming here since I was a kid.
This used to be my grandma's.
The only thing I got from my grandmother was her eyes.
I mean, not her actual eyeballs.
But people say that my eyes look.
Do you want to make out? Sure.
Are you okay? What's wrong? Yeah.
I was just thinking about your father.
Well, whatever works for you.
No.
He just really freaked me out before.
So we have to hide our relationship from one more person.
Big deal.
Besides, we've had fun hiding it.
Yeah.
-Yeah? -You brought protection, right? Why? Are there like bears or something? Protection.
Yeah.
No, yeah.
That, that I forgot.
-I'll just run to the store and get some.
-No.
I'm the guy.
I'll get it.
-Do you know where the store is? -No.
Do you want to ride around town on my little pink bicycle? A little bit.
-I'll be back in 10 minutes.
-Okay.
Why don't you get in the hot tub and I'll meet you there.
Okay.
Oh, my God! What a great surprise! This is such a beautiful house! Thank you.
It used to be my mother's.
This is the kitchen.
You've reached Monica and Chandler's.
If you're listening to this message, we're probably screening.
Yeah, we are.
Hi, this is Hildy from the Morgan Chase Museum.
I'm calling for Monica Geller.
There's been a cancellation.
If she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility it is available.
This is Chandler Bing! Yes, the groom! No, not the groom! It's so secluded up here.
I know.
That's why I like it here.
I feel like we're the only two people in the world.
Sorry.
What's the matter, honey? -Did you see a little mouse? -No! Big bear! Big bear outside! I think l.
Actually, would you go check on that? Honey, we don't have any bears here.
Well, okay.
Would you get me a Diet Coke? -Okay.
Be right back.
-Okay.
-What are you doing here? -What are you doing here? -I came with Paul! -Yeah.
I recognized the ankles.
Hurry up.
Get out.
Here you go, honey.
-Thank you! -Diet Coke.
Ice.
I need ice.
Okay.
-Thank you.
-Be right back.
Okay.
You and your ice.
Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! No, not in there! Not in there! He's in there! -Did you really hear a bear? -Go! Here you go, honey.
One Diet Coke with ice.
Thank you.
I am so happy that you're here.
-Here I am! -Elizabeth! Look! Elizabeth's here! Who were you talking to? You guys? How did you know we were here? Well, she obviously saw the tire tracks that were leading up to the closed garage.
Obviously.
What are you doing here? Did you come up here to work on that term paper or something? Yeah.
Well, why don't you go in that room and do your homework? I wouldn't do it in there.
That's my dad's bedroom.
That's your dad's bedroom.
That's your dad's bedroom! Why are you yelling? That Diet Coke, I think, went straight to my head! Hi, honey.
See you later.
Wait.
I bought groceries.
I was gonna make you dinner.
Well, next time, ask! Or at least wait for me to ask! Hi, this is Hildy from the Morgan Chase Museum.
I'm calling for Monica Geller.
Oh, no.
There's been a cancellation.
If she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility it is available.
Please.
He didn't hear it! This is Chandler Bing! No! Can I help you? Yeah.
Where's the guy who decides whose pictures go up on the wall? -He's not here right now.
-You're kidding me! Well, make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani dropped off these clothes.
I'm an actor.
I'm trying to get my picture up there on the wall.
You know, there are two people who could get your picture up there.
Oh, really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks.
You're the other one, right? So, are you planning on staying the night? No, no.
Believe me, I'm leaving as soon as possible.
Good.
Not that we don't want you to stay.
Obviously, you're welcome.
How much more homework do you have? I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve.
Rachel, maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out? Really? Okay.
Okay, I'll go upstairs if you get me something from the car.
What do you need from the car? Surprise me.
Okay.
So you're gonna be in the car! I will be upstairs! And that's where everybody's gonna be! Just relax.
Just relax, Paul.
You're doing great.
She likes you.
I think she likes you.
She likes you.
You know why? Because you're a neat guy.
You are the man.
You are the man! Still got it.
Still sexy.
You're just a love machine.
"I'm just a love machine "So proud of what you have, baby! " Showtime.
"I'm just a love machine Hey, baby! " -Phoebe? -Yeah? -Have you seen Chandler? -No, why? The museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding.
And Chandler heard.
I know.
How bad is this? Well, with a regular guy it's bad.
With Chandler, oh, dear God! I know! He totally freaked out and I can't find him anywhere! -What are you gonna do? -I'm never listening to you again, for sure.
"What harm can it do to put your name down?" -Rachel said that.
-Well, Rachel's not here! Here it is! Joey, why did you sign it, "son of a bitch"? -I didn't do that.
Who would've done that? -Son of a bitch! Okay.
Maybe ask this guy.
You! Get out of my shop! -What did he do? -He went out with my wife! Joey! I did not go out with your wife! Okay? I went out with her.
That's my wife! Get out! -Well, we should go.
-Yeah.
Ross? Elizabeth! Okay.
I'm gonna go out this window.
I'll meet you at the front door.
Just tell them you're going home, okay? -Okay.
-Wait, wait! No, don't go in there! Don't go in there! I need another soda! Ross! Oh, my God! What in heaven's name are you doing here? And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
Ross, you and I are gonna have to have a little talk.
-Daddy, l-- -You're next! Okay.
I didn't know he was here.
Let's see if I got this straight.
I tell you to stay away from my daughter or I'll have you fired.
What you heard was: "Take my daughter "come up to my country house and ruin my weekend with Rachel.
" -Okay.
Please, Paul.
Just let me explain.
-No! Let me explain! Fired! Okay, fine.
Fine.
Have me fired.
But, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different.
I mean l, too, am a "neat guy.
" What? And l, too am "just a love machine.
" -Let me show you where the guest room is.
-Okay.
I'm so sorry.
Please stop freaking out.
I'm not freaking out.
Why would I freak out? Hildy called and said we were getting married.
But that happens every day.
Honey, we were at this beautiful place.
And I just put our names down for fun.
-I mean, what's the harm in that? -Right here.
Please don't think I was trying to pressure you.
-Phoebe and Rachel thought-- -Phoebe and Rachel? So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you Phoebe, Rachel, Hildy, and some band called, Star Light Magic Seven who are available, by the way.
It was a mistake.
Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't.
Okay.
Really? Yes.
If it really doesn't mean anything, because I'm just not ready.
I know.
I know.
Okay.
All right.
I'm gonna go tell Joey that you're back.
We were really worried about you.
Did she buy it? Totally.
-So did Hildy show you the place? -Yeah.
It's beautiful.
I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you.
I know.
-Hey, Gunther.
-Take these cappuccinos to table 1 1 .
And that guy over there wants some biscotti.
Well, I just actually came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Do you still work here? No.
I quit a long time ago.
Did I forget to tell you that? I'm sorry.
-That's cool.
I was gonna fire you anyway.
-Great!