I Love Lucy (1951) s06e24 Episode Script
Building a Bar-B-Q
(light-hearted music playing 0 ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) (theme song ending) You mean he took you to see the Dodgers at Ebbets Field? Well, wasn't that nice of Mr.
Appleby? Uh-huh and tomorrow he's taking us to the zoo.
Well, that sounds like fun.
Well, good night, sweetheart.
Sleep well and I'll see you Monday.
Want to say good night to Daddy? Here.
Good night, partner.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, son.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
Oh, good thing I called him early.
He was in his nighty-nights, all ready to go to bed.
I wish I was in my nighty- nights, all ready to go to bed.
Now, Ricky, don't start that again.
Well, it's just that I'd rather be going to bed than to some boring country club dance.
Oh, grumble, grumble, grumble.
Why shouldn't I grumble? Every night of my life I wear a tuxedo.
I take a weekend off, and what do I do? I'm wearing a tuxedo.
Honey, I think you should always wear a tuxedo.
You look very distinguished in it.
I look even more distinguished in my nighty-nights.
Aw, now.
The Ramseys asked us to be their guests, we accepted, we're going, and that's all there is to it.
All right, honey, all right.
Anyway, honey, it sounds like fun.
The Mertzes are going and Harry and Grace Munson are going.
Oh, yes, they're bringing along a houseguest of theirs, too.
Who is their houseguest? Oh, I don't know, some cousin of Grace's- Diana somebody or other.
Oh, great.
There's another one I'll have to dance with.
Oh, now, honey, will you stop? Are you ready? Oh, Ethel, you've got a new dress! Isn't it darling? Oh, it's just beautiful.
I'm just crazy about it.
Wonderful with your eyes.
I love it.
And doesn't Freddy look cute in his tux? Adorable.
Oh, I'm adorable, all right.
I'm choking to death, my shoes pinch and I reek to high heaven of mothballs.
Oh, Fred.
(knock at door) Come in, come in.
Door's open! LUCY: Oh, look at that girl, will you? Oh, Betty, you look beautiful! Is that a new dress? Won't we have fun? ETHEL: Come on, let's go, let's go, huh? Yeah, come on, honey, let's go.
All right, listen, take our car; it's in the garage.
All right, we'll take our car.
Yeah.
Isn't that a beautiful dress on her? ETHEL: We're going dancing (animated conversation) Hey, uh, look, fellas, I want to apologize for this.
It was all Betty's idea.
You mean you hate the thought of getting into a tuxedo and going to this dance as much as we do? Sheesh! The only reason I belong to the country club is so I can play golf.
It's the little woman's idea dragging me to these affairs.
If we'd known how you felt, man, we could have banded together and refused to go.
Yeah.
Do you think it's too late to try? I'm afraid so, Fred, I'm afraid so.
The Munsons and their houseguest are expecting us.
LUCY: Ricky, come on, dear! BETTY: Ralph! We're waiting! ETHEL: Fred! Yeah, it's too late.
Yeah.
(falsetto): Coming, honeybunch! (band playing dance music) Fred, are we gonna dance again? Again! We've already danced once.
What's wrong with twice? My feet are still throbbing from once.
ETHEL: Oh, Fred.
Oh, stop yawning, Ricky.
I'm sorry, honey, it's past my bedtime.
Well, try to stay awake.
I am- if I wasn't trying, I'd be asleep.
Oh Ralph, why don't you ask the orchestra to play a Charleston? A Charleston! I haven't that much energy.
Well, honestly.
Well, look, if we're just gonna sit here like bumps on a log, we might as well go home.
Good, let's go home.
Second the motion.
It's been moved and seconded, we all go home.
All those in favor say "aye.
" Aye.
Aye.
The ayes have it, motion carried, let's go.
Oh, Ricky! Honey, you heard it.
There were three "ayes.
" Well, there are gonna be three black eyes unless you all sit down.
Fred, come on, now.
(scattered applause) (Fred groans) Besides, it's early.
Early! It's 11:30.
It would be rude to leave before the Munsons even get here.
All right, I'll give them ten more minutes.
And listen, when they do get here, be sure you ask Grace's cousin to dance, do you hear? Oh, no, honey, not me.
Ralph Nothing doing.
Don't look at me, Ethel.
LUCY: Just because you don't want to dance with us is no reason you should be rude to Grace's cousin.
It's not that we don't want to dance with you, honey Oh, for heaven's sake, honey Hi, folks! (greetings all around) Something happen? You get tied up in traffic? LUCY: Oh, it's always something like that.
BETTY: Listen, where is your houseguest? She'll be right along.
Oh, here we are, Diana.
Hi! HARRY: I'd like you to meet Grace's cousin, Diana Jordan.
This is Mr.
and Mrs.
Ralph Ramsey.
And how do you do? Hello.
And, uh, Mr.
and Mrs.
Ricky Ricardo.
Hello.
How do you do? And I'm Freddy Mertz.
Well, hello.
Well, hello! I'm Mrs.
Mertz.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, Miss, uh Diana.
Oh, Diana, won't you sit down? Oh, but yes.
RALPH: It's all right, fellows, I've got it.
Thank you.
Yeah! GRACE: Well, did we miss anything? Have you been having fun? BETTY: Oh, we've been having a lovely time.
Yeah, it's been great.
Yes, it's been a lot of fun, but we were just leaving because the boys are so tired.
Who's tired? FRED: Who's leaving? But it's late.
Honey, it's only 11:30.
Yes, the night's young.
We just got here.
(band begins to play lilting dance music) Would you care to dance? Oh! But yes.
Well, good.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
My mother told me to pick you! Oh.
Your country club is simply fabulous.
Oh, thank you.
The music's so dreamy.
Do you like to dance? Oh, but yes, DIANA: I adore it.
RICKY: Oh, well, isn't that nice.
Let's cut in.
By all means.
Well, I see your husband's suddenly recovered from his sleeping sickness.
I see your husband's foot condition finally cleared up.
Isn't this a disgusting spectacle? (sighs) Now what are we supposed to do? Well, maybe we should dance with each other.
(a la Diana): My mother told me to pick you! Dancing is fun.
We should do it more often.
I was just trying not to be rude.
Fred is trying not to be rude, too.
He's out there now not being rude.
And Ralph is waiting his turn not to be rude next.
(sighs) What a night.
Diana Jordan sheesh! And they didn't want to be rude to her.
Do you know Ralph danced with that girl eight times? Ricky danced with her nine times.
How about Fred? Twinkletoes.
What an exhibition.
You'd think they'd never seen a blonde before.
They still haven't.
If she's a blonde, I'm a redhead.
How about the boys taking up a collection so they could keep the orchestra there for an extra hour? Well, how about Fred, of all people, starting it off with a ten-dollar bill? And did you see the way they leaped at the invitation to the party tonight the Munsons are giving in Diana's honor? Well, I'll tell you one thing: I'm not gonna sit around like a bump on a log again tonight.
As one bump to another, just how do we avoid it? If our husbands want glamour, let's be glamorous like Diana.
Oh, isn't there an easier way? Ethel, it's simple.
Glamour today is nothing but a tight skirt, loose hips and wet lips.
Well, Lucy, that might be all right for you, dear, but I'm just not the glamorous type.
If I could look like Diana, do you think I'd have married Fred? Oh, come on now, there must be some way for you two to glamour it up.
Say, I do have some very exotic perfume I've been saving.
This may be just the occasion to use it.
Good.
What about you, Ethel? Oh, I don't know.
Why don't you try your glamorous hairdo, the one that makes you look like Grace Kelly? You think it'd work? It worked for Grace Kelly.
Good.
That might be just the thing.
Sure, there's no reason why wives can't be just as glamorous as other women.
After all, we were women once ourselves.
Well our wives are still over at my house huddled around the dining room table.
Boy, we're really in the doghouse.
Yup.
I sure would give a lot to hear what they're saying.
I wouldn't.
Betty gave me the silent treatment.
Lucky you.
Hmm.
Did she really lock you out of the house? I had to sleep in the rumpus room.
That's what we call it because every time we have a rumpus, that's where I sleep.
I've never seen Lucy so mad- they way she stormed and ranted and raved.
She acted like me! Boy, they're really sore.
Well, it was worth it.
That Diana is a cute dish.
Ooh, wasn't she, though? Wasn't she, though? And do you know that I think she kind of went for me? Must be the Yul Brynner influence.
Now, listen, you characters.
We weren't very nice to our wives last night.
What do you mean? You know what I mean.
We acted like a bunch of schoolboys.
Well, when I was a schoolboy, there were no schoolgirls like Diana.
Well, I think that tonight we should be nice to the girls.
We're going to dance every dance with our own wives tonight.
Every dance? Every dance.
With our own wives? Yes, with our own wives.
Well, Ralph? Well, yeah, I I guess you're right, Rick.
How about it, Yul Brynner? Well, okay, but for corns' sake, don't let this get to be a habit.
Honey! Hurry up, it's time to go.
LUCY: In a minute, dear.
All right.
Hi, Rick.
Well, hi, fellas.
Where are the girls? Oh, Betty's still primping.
Yeah, and so is Ethel.
She usually takes an hour to dress.
Today she's taking over 2? hours.
Well, Betty was spraying so much perfume on herself that I had to get out of the house.
Sheesh! One more squirt from that atomizer and I'd have been overcome by the fumes.
You think you've got a problem! Ethel's got her hair all skinned back like a wet Pekinese.
Don't you guys see what the girls are trying to do? No.
They're trying to glamorize themselves to outshine Diana.
Ralph: You really think so? Sure.
Lucy's been locked up in our room all day long getting ready.
I even had to get dressed in the guest room.
Oh-ho-ho, so that's what they're up to.
Oh, brother, if Ethel's trying to be glamorous, she won't be ready for a week.
Now, look, Fred, don't forget what we promised.
We are going to be nice to the girls.
Besides, what they're doing I think is kind of cute.
Cute! Wait till you get a look at Ethel.
Wait till you get a whiff of Betty.
No matter what they do, we're gonna go right along with them.
RALPH: Okay, you're the boss.
Hello.
Well, pardon me, beautiful, you have the wrong house.
Freddy, it's me.
Who? Ethel! You didn't know me? I didn't know you! Oh, you're a real stunner, you little Dickens.
Oh, thank you, Fred.
Uh, somebody smells awful good.
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, that's that new perfume that Betty's wearing.
Brings out the beast in a man.
(growls) Oh! Hi! Hello.
What's the matter, dear? Uh That that dress.
Do you like it? Oh, I think it's lovely and so are you.
Thank you.
(a la Diana): Oh, Ethel, your hairdo is simply fabulous.
Thank you.
Charming.
Lucy, do you like my perfume? Oh, I think it's dreamy.
But yes, I love it.
Uh, shouldn't we go? Yes, let's go.
Honey don't you think that the dress is just a little bit too tight? Oh, but no.
Everyone's wearing them like this.
Yeah, I know, but are you gonna be able to sit down? Oh, of course, but yes, I can sit down.
Well, it's a dance, so who'll be sitting? Well, honey, you're gonna have to sit down in the car to get to the dance.
Well, we'll put the top down and I can stand up all the way.
Oh, Lucy, that'd be fun! (coughs) Yes, by all means, put the top down, Rick.
Put the top down all right.
Let's go.
Yeah, well, wait a minute, girls, look, listen- you wait right here, I'll go get the car and bring it to the front.
Yeah, honeybunch, don't you walk any more than you have to.
Save those gorgeous legs for the dance.
RICKY: Come on, Fred.
FRED: I'm coming.
RICKY: We'll be right back, girls.
(door shuts) Gorgeous legs! Oh, Lucy, you were absolutely right! A little glamour really works.
Yeah usually I have to wait in the cold while he backs the car out so I can close the garage doors.
(slow dance music playing) Oh, thank you, Freddy.
Thank you.
RALPH: Hey, can I get you a plate from the buffet, dear? Thank you, dear.
FRED: Lover? Well, I've already had one plate.
Oh, have another- I like my women chubby.
How about you, honey? Oh, I'd adore something to eat.
Lucy, you must be getting awful tired of standing up.
Oh, it's not too bad, I'm getting to be a good leaner.
I can't get over the way the boys are acting.
It's too good to be true.
Yeah, isn't it? Fred hasn't been this nice to me since he thought my aunt left me $500.
Well, I'm going to start buying this perfume by the barrel.
There's just one thing: Do you realize that the boys haven't even looked at Diana tonight? Sure they haven't.
It's because we're so devastating.
Yeah, well, we're pretty devastating all right- for us.
But why are they ignoring her the way they are? It seems very strange.
I think there's more to this than meets the eye.
Oh, listen, Lucy, I don't care why Fred's acting the way he is.
I'm just gonna relax and enjoy it.
(band begins playing mellow tune) Glammy pie, this is for you.
Oh, Fred! Uh, couldn't we dance now and eat later? Well, I was in hopes you'd ask me, snookums.
Oh! And shall we dance or would you rather eat this one out? Oh, we can always eat.
All righty.
How about you, honey? Would you like to dance? No, I think I'd rather eat.
Oh, all right.
Oh.
You know, I've never eaten standing up before.
It's kind of fun at that.
Probably good for the digestion.
Food goes straight down- doesn't have to make any turns or nothing.
You having a good time, honey? Uh-huh.
Ricky! Oh, hello.
You haven't danced with me all evening.
How come? Well, I've been dancing with my wife.
What's the matter with Ralph and Freddy? They've been dancing with their wives, too.
(laughs incredulously) What's this world coming to? Yeah, well.
(humming) You're certainly acting a lot different tonight than you did last night.
I am? Yes, and I'd like to know why.
Ricky Ricardo, you're up to something.
No, I'm not up to nothing.
How come you haven't danced with Diana tonight? I just don't feel like dancing with Diana.
I want to dance with you.
You felt like dancing with her last night.
Oh, honey, well, last night I was just trying to do what you told me.
I was just trying to be polite.
Oh, you were just trying to be polite.
Look, why don't you just confess? Confess what? You're up to something; you're being much too sweet.
What's wrong with being sweet? When you're this sweet, there's something rotten in Cuba! Wait a minute, I don't know what I'm gonna do with you.
If I don't pay attention to you, you get mad, and if I pay attention to you, you get mad.
What am I supposed to do? I know that you're just dying to get out there and dance with Diana, so why don't you go ahead and dance with her?! All right, I will.
All right.
All right! All right! All right! Okay! Ethel, come on, we're getting out of here.
What do you mean? And tell that beast to take his hands off you.
Beast? I just found out why the boys are being so nice to us.
They're cooking up a scheme with that blonde.
What are you talking about? See? Whenever husbands have anything to hide, they say, "What are you talking about?" Well, what are you talking about? See? Freddy why are you being so nice to me? Because husbands should be nice to their wives.
Oh, that's the worst excuse I ever heard in my life.
All right, let's go.
Yeah, you get Betty, I'll get the car.
I will.
Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Pardon me.
(fabric ripping) Any sign of them yet? No.
Well, they should be here by now.
It's almost 1:30.
Maybe Fred took up another collection for the band.
I must have been crazy to let you talk me into leaving that party.
Me, too.
Frankly, I was having a wonderful time.
So was I.
It was the best evening I ever spent with Fred.
He was Well, he was almost human.
Yeah, well, the whole thing was a plot.
Lucy, just what was this plot? Yeah, you've never been very clear on that.
Well, don't you worry, it was a plot all right.
The three of them and Diana were were Well, they were Well, they were.
Were what? Oh, I don't know, but at least we'll teach the boys a lesson.
Oh, sure, they're out dancing half the night with that blonde and we're all here brooding and we're teaching them a lesson? Well, this has gone far enough.
I'm going back to the club, apologize to Ralph for running out and bringing him home.
And I'm going with you.
Let's go.
Well, now, isn't this a pretty sight? Two cringing wives, crawling on their knees, begging their husbands' forgiveness.
ETHEL: Coming with us, Lucy? Yes.
Well, how about it, Rick? Can we go home now? Yeah, it's ten minutes to 2:00.
Look, we said we were gonna stay here until 2:00.
Then we'll go home.
But it seems like we've been sitting here for hours.
We have.
The party broke up at 11:00.
RICKY: The way that our wives run out of us we agreed that we were gonna stay here until 2:00 and then go home.
RICKY: That way, they'll think that we've been dancing with lovely Diana all this time.
Please don't mention dancing in front of my feet.
Has the swelling gone down? No, they're so puffed up; I'll have to wear Ethel's shoes.
RALPH: Yeah, well, you were lucky.
You only danced with her.
I tried to talk to her once.
You know, it's amazing how little I have in common with a 20-year-old.
Who's Pat Boone? At least you talked to her in English.
I had to spend a half an hour trying to understand her high-school Spanish.
"Bonos dyas, senior.
" FRED: Look let's either go home or get me more hot water.
RICKY: All right, Fred, I guess we can go home now.
Don't forget, let's stick to our story.
RALPH: Okay, okay.
LUCY: Oh, here you are! At 2:00 in the morning! Where is she, the little hussy? I'll scratch her eyes out! Oh, well, you just missed her.
Boy, can that girl dance.
Dance! You should see the way she intermissions.
(wolf whistle) I think it's high time that you three gigolos came home with your wives.
Come on, Fred, get your feet out of that bucket.
Let's go.
All right, all right.
Where are your socks? In my shoes.
Well, pick 'em up, and we're going home.
All right, all right.
Honest to goodness, carrying on Easy now, easy! (applause) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy", starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, was brought to you by new Lilt, the only home permanent with squeeze-bottle magic.
the fastest, easiest home permanent ever.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
Appleby? Uh-huh and tomorrow he's taking us to the zoo.
Well, that sounds like fun.
Well, good night, sweetheart.
Sleep well and I'll see you Monday.
Want to say good night to Daddy? Here.
Good night, partner.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, son.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
Oh, good thing I called him early.
He was in his nighty-nights, all ready to go to bed.
I wish I was in my nighty- nights, all ready to go to bed.
Now, Ricky, don't start that again.
Well, it's just that I'd rather be going to bed than to some boring country club dance.
Oh, grumble, grumble, grumble.
Why shouldn't I grumble? Every night of my life I wear a tuxedo.
I take a weekend off, and what do I do? I'm wearing a tuxedo.
Honey, I think you should always wear a tuxedo.
You look very distinguished in it.
I look even more distinguished in my nighty-nights.
Aw, now.
The Ramseys asked us to be their guests, we accepted, we're going, and that's all there is to it.
All right, honey, all right.
Anyway, honey, it sounds like fun.
The Mertzes are going and Harry and Grace Munson are going.
Oh, yes, they're bringing along a houseguest of theirs, too.
Who is their houseguest? Oh, I don't know, some cousin of Grace's- Diana somebody or other.
Oh, great.
There's another one I'll have to dance with.
Oh, now, honey, will you stop? Are you ready? Oh, Ethel, you've got a new dress! Isn't it darling? Oh, it's just beautiful.
I'm just crazy about it.
Wonderful with your eyes.
I love it.
And doesn't Freddy look cute in his tux? Adorable.
Oh, I'm adorable, all right.
I'm choking to death, my shoes pinch and I reek to high heaven of mothballs.
Oh, Fred.
(knock at door) Come in, come in.
Door's open! LUCY: Oh, look at that girl, will you? Oh, Betty, you look beautiful! Is that a new dress? Won't we have fun? ETHEL: Come on, let's go, let's go, huh? Yeah, come on, honey, let's go.
All right, listen, take our car; it's in the garage.
All right, we'll take our car.
Yeah.
Isn't that a beautiful dress on her? ETHEL: We're going dancing (animated conversation) Hey, uh, look, fellas, I want to apologize for this.
It was all Betty's idea.
You mean you hate the thought of getting into a tuxedo and going to this dance as much as we do? Sheesh! The only reason I belong to the country club is so I can play golf.
It's the little woman's idea dragging me to these affairs.
If we'd known how you felt, man, we could have banded together and refused to go.
Yeah.
Do you think it's too late to try? I'm afraid so, Fred, I'm afraid so.
The Munsons and their houseguest are expecting us.
LUCY: Ricky, come on, dear! BETTY: Ralph! We're waiting! ETHEL: Fred! Yeah, it's too late.
Yeah.
(falsetto): Coming, honeybunch! (band playing dance music) Fred, are we gonna dance again? Again! We've already danced once.
What's wrong with twice? My feet are still throbbing from once.
ETHEL: Oh, Fred.
Oh, stop yawning, Ricky.
I'm sorry, honey, it's past my bedtime.
Well, try to stay awake.
I am- if I wasn't trying, I'd be asleep.
Oh Ralph, why don't you ask the orchestra to play a Charleston? A Charleston! I haven't that much energy.
Well, honestly.
Well, look, if we're just gonna sit here like bumps on a log, we might as well go home.
Good, let's go home.
Second the motion.
It's been moved and seconded, we all go home.
All those in favor say "aye.
" Aye.
Aye.
The ayes have it, motion carried, let's go.
Oh, Ricky! Honey, you heard it.
There were three "ayes.
" Well, there are gonna be three black eyes unless you all sit down.
Fred, come on, now.
(scattered applause) (Fred groans) Besides, it's early.
Early! It's 11:30.
It would be rude to leave before the Munsons even get here.
All right, I'll give them ten more minutes.
And listen, when they do get here, be sure you ask Grace's cousin to dance, do you hear? Oh, no, honey, not me.
Ralph Nothing doing.
Don't look at me, Ethel.
LUCY: Just because you don't want to dance with us is no reason you should be rude to Grace's cousin.
It's not that we don't want to dance with you, honey Oh, for heaven's sake, honey Hi, folks! (greetings all around) Something happen? You get tied up in traffic? LUCY: Oh, it's always something like that.
BETTY: Listen, where is your houseguest? She'll be right along.
Oh, here we are, Diana.
Hi! HARRY: I'd like you to meet Grace's cousin, Diana Jordan.
This is Mr.
and Mrs.
Ralph Ramsey.
And how do you do? Hello.
And, uh, Mr.
and Mrs.
Ricky Ricardo.
Hello.
How do you do? And I'm Freddy Mertz.
Well, hello.
Well, hello! I'm Mrs.
Mertz.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, Miss, uh Diana.
Oh, Diana, won't you sit down? Oh, but yes.
RALPH: It's all right, fellows, I've got it.
Thank you.
Yeah! GRACE: Well, did we miss anything? Have you been having fun? BETTY: Oh, we've been having a lovely time.
Yeah, it's been great.
Yes, it's been a lot of fun, but we were just leaving because the boys are so tired.
Who's tired? FRED: Who's leaving? But it's late.
Honey, it's only 11:30.
Yes, the night's young.
We just got here.
(band begins to play lilting dance music) Would you care to dance? Oh! But yes.
Well, good.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
My mother told me to pick you! Oh.
Your country club is simply fabulous.
Oh, thank you.
The music's so dreamy.
Do you like to dance? Oh, but yes, DIANA: I adore it.
RICKY: Oh, well, isn't that nice.
Let's cut in.
By all means.
Well, I see your husband's suddenly recovered from his sleeping sickness.
I see your husband's foot condition finally cleared up.
Isn't this a disgusting spectacle? (sighs) Now what are we supposed to do? Well, maybe we should dance with each other.
(a la Diana): My mother told me to pick you! Dancing is fun.
We should do it more often.
I was just trying not to be rude.
Fred is trying not to be rude, too.
He's out there now not being rude.
And Ralph is waiting his turn not to be rude next.
(sighs) What a night.
Diana Jordan sheesh! And they didn't want to be rude to her.
Do you know Ralph danced with that girl eight times? Ricky danced with her nine times.
How about Fred? Twinkletoes.
What an exhibition.
You'd think they'd never seen a blonde before.
They still haven't.
If she's a blonde, I'm a redhead.
How about the boys taking up a collection so they could keep the orchestra there for an extra hour? Well, how about Fred, of all people, starting it off with a ten-dollar bill? And did you see the way they leaped at the invitation to the party tonight the Munsons are giving in Diana's honor? Well, I'll tell you one thing: I'm not gonna sit around like a bump on a log again tonight.
As one bump to another, just how do we avoid it? If our husbands want glamour, let's be glamorous like Diana.
Oh, isn't there an easier way? Ethel, it's simple.
Glamour today is nothing but a tight skirt, loose hips and wet lips.
Well, Lucy, that might be all right for you, dear, but I'm just not the glamorous type.
If I could look like Diana, do you think I'd have married Fred? Oh, come on now, there must be some way for you two to glamour it up.
Say, I do have some very exotic perfume I've been saving.
This may be just the occasion to use it.
Good.
What about you, Ethel? Oh, I don't know.
Why don't you try your glamorous hairdo, the one that makes you look like Grace Kelly? You think it'd work? It worked for Grace Kelly.
Good.
That might be just the thing.
Sure, there's no reason why wives can't be just as glamorous as other women.
After all, we were women once ourselves.
Well our wives are still over at my house huddled around the dining room table.
Boy, we're really in the doghouse.
Yup.
I sure would give a lot to hear what they're saying.
I wouldn't.
Betty gave me the silent treatment.
Lucky you.
Hmm.
Did she really lock you out of the house? I had to sleep in the rumpus room.
That's what we call it because every time we have a rumpus, that's where I sleep.
I've never seen Lucy so mad- they way she stormed and ranted and raved.
She acted like me! Boy, they're really sore.
Well, it was worth it.
That Diana is a cute dish.
Ooh, wasn't she, though? Wasn't she, though? And do you know that I think she kind of went for me? Must be the Yul Brynner influence.
Now, listen, you characters.
We weren't very nice to our wives last night.
What do you mean? You know what I mean.
We acted like a bunch of schoolboys.
Well, when I was a schoolboy, there were no schoolgirls like Diana.
Well, I think that tonight we should be nice to the girls.
We're going to dance every dance with our own wives tonight.
Every dance? Every dance.
With our own wives? Yes, with our own wives.
Well, Ralph? Well, yeah, I I guess you're right, Rick.
How about it, Yul Brynner? Well, okay, but for corns' sake, don't let this get to be a habit.
Honey! Hurry up, it's time to go.
LUCY: In a minute, dear.
All right.
Hi, Rick.
Well, hi, fellas.
Where are the girls? Oh, Betty's still primping.
Yeah, and so is Ethel.
She usually takes an hour to dress.
Today she's taking over 2? hours.
Well, Betty was spraying so much perfume on herself that I had to get out of the house.
Sheesh! One more squirt from that atomizer and I'd have been overcome by the fumes.
You think you've got a problem! Ethel's got her hair all skinned back like a wet Pekinese.
Don't you guys see what the girls are trying to do? No.
They're trying to glamorize themselves to outshine Diana.
Ralph: You really think so? Sure.
Lucy's been locked up in our room all day long getting ready.
I even had to get dressed in the guest room.
Oh-ho-ho, so that's what they're up to.
Oh, brother, if Ethel's trying to be glamorous, she won't be ready for a week.
Now, look, Fred, don't forget what we promised.
We are going to be nice to the girls.
Besides, what they're doing I think is kind of cute.
Cute! Wait till you get a look at Ethel.
Wait till you get a whiff of Betty.
No matter what they do, we're gonna go right along with them.
RALPH: Okay, you're the boss.
Hello.
Well, pardon me, beautiful, you have the wrong house.
Freddy, it's me.
Who? Ethel! You didn't know me? I didn't know you! Oh, you're a real stunner, you little Dickens.
Oh, thank you, Fred.
Uh, somebody smells awful good.
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, that's that new perfume that Betty's wearing.
Brings out the beast in a man.
(growls) Oh! Hi! Hello.
What's the matter, dear? Uh That that dress.
Do you like it? Oh, I think it's lovely and so are you.
Thank you.
(a la Diana): Oh, Ethel, your hairdo is simply fabulous.
Thank you.
Charming.
Lucy, do you like my perfume? Oh, I think it's dreamy.
But yes, I love it.
Uh, shouldn't we go? Yes, let's go.
Honey don't you think that the dress is just a little bit too tight? Oh, but no.
Everyone's wearing them like this.
Yeah, I know, but are you gonna be able to sit down? Oh, of course, but yes, I can sit down.
Well, it's a dance, so who'll be sitting? Well, honey, you're gonna have to sit down in the car to get to the dance.
Well, we'll put the top down and I can stand up all the way.
Oh, Lucy, that'd be fun! (coughs) Yes, by all means, put the top down, Rick.
Put the top down all right.
Let's go.
Yeah, well, wait a minute, girls, look, listen- you wait right here, I'll go get the car and bring it to the front.
Yeah, honeybunch, don't you walk any more than you have to.
Save those gorgeous legs for the dance.
RICKY: Come on, Fred.
FRED: I'm coming.
RICKY: We'll be right back, girls.
(door shuts) Gorgeous legs! Oh, Lucy, you were absolutely right! A little glamour really works.
Yeah usually I have to wait in the cold while he backs the car out so I can close the garage doors.
(slow dance music playing) Oh, thank you, Freddy.
Thank you.
RALPH: Hey, can I get you a plate from the buffet, dear? Thank you, dear.
FRED: Lover? Well, I've already had one plate.
Oh, have another- I like my women chubby.
How about you, honey? Oh, I'd adore something to eat.
Lucy, you must be getting awful tired of standing up.
Oh, it's not too bad, I'm getting to be a good leaner.
I can't get over the way the boys are acting.
It's too good to be true.
Yeah, isn't it? Fred hasn't been this nice to me since he thought my aunt left me $500.
Well, I'm going to start buying this perfume by the barrel.
There's just one thing: Do you realize that the boys haven't even looked at Diana tonight? Sure they haven't.
It's because we're so devastating.
Yeah, well, we're pretty devastating all right- for us.
But why are they ignoring her the way they are? It seems very strange.
I think there's more to this than meets the eye.
Oh, listen, Lucy, I don't care why Fred's acting the way he is.
I'm just gonna relax and enjoy it.
(band begins playing mellow tune) Glammy pie, this is for you.
Oh, Fred! Uh, couldn't we dance now and eat later? Well, I was in hopes you'd ask me, snookums.
Oh! And shall we dance or would you rather eat this one out? Oh, we can always eat.
All righty.
How about you, honey? Would you like to dance? No, I think I'd rather eat.
Oh, all right.
Oh.
You know, I've never eaten standing up before.
It's kind of fun at that.
Probably good for the digestion.
Food goes straight down- doesn't have to make any turns or nothing.
You having a good time, honey? Uh-huh.
Ricky! Oh, hello.
You haven't danced with me all evening.
How come? Well, I've been dancing with my wife.
What's the matter with Ralph and Freddy? They've been dancing with their wives, too.
(laughs incredulously) What's this world coming to? Yeah, well.
(humming) You're certainly acting a lot different tonight than you did last night.
I am? Yes, and I'd like to know why.
Ricky Ricardo, you're up to something.
No, I'm not up to nothing.
How come you haven't danced with Diana tonight? I just don't feel like dancing with Diana.
I want to dance with you.
You felt like dancing with her last night.
Oh, honey, well, last night I was just trying to do what you told me.
I was just trying to be polite.
Oh, you were just trying to be polite.
Look, why don't you just confess? Confess what? You're up to something; you're being much too sweet.
What's wrong with being sweet? When you're this sweet, there's something rotten in Cuba! Wait a minute, I don't know what I'm gonna do with you.
If I don't pay attention to you, you get mad, and if I pay attention to you, you get mad.
What am I supposed to do? I know that you're just dying to get out there and dance with Diana, so why don't you go ahead and dance with her?! All right, I will.
All right.
All right! All right! All right! Okay! Ethel, come on, we're getting out of here.
What do you mean? And tell that beast to take his hands off you.
Beast? I just found out why the boys are being so nice to us.
They're cooking up a scheme with that blonde.
What are you talking about? See? Whenever husbands have anything to hide, they say, "What are you talking about?" Well, what are you talking about? See? Freddy why are you being so nice to me? Because husbands should be nice to their wives.
Oh, that's the worst excuse I ever heard in my life.
All right, let's go.
Yeah, you get Betty, I'll get the car.
I will.
Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Pardon me.
(fabric ripping) Any sign of them yet? No.
Well, they should be here by now.
It's almost 1:30.
Maybe Fred took up another collection for the band.
I must have been crazy to let you talk me into leaving that party.
Me, too.
Frankly, I was having a wonderful time.
So was I.
It was the best evening I ever spent with Fred.
He was Well, he was almost human.
Yeah, well, the whole thing was a plot.
Lucy, just what was this plot? Yeah, you've never been very clear on that.
Well, don't you worry, it was a plot all right.
The three of them and Diana were were Well, they were Well, they were.
Were what? Oh, I don't know, but at least we'll teach the boys a lesson.
Oh, sure, they're out dancing half the night with that blonde and we're all here brooding and we're teaching them a lesson? Well, this has gone far enough.
I'm going back to the club, apologize to Ralph for running out and bringing him home.
And I'm going with you.
Let's go.
Well, now, isn't this a pretty sight? Two cringing wives, crawling on their knees, begging their husbands' forgiveness.
ETHEL: Coming with us, Lucy? Yes.
Well, how about it, Rick? Can we go home now? Yeah, it's ten minutes to 2:00.
Look, we said we were gonna stay here until 2:00.
Then we'll go home.
But it seems like we've been sitting here for hours.
We have.
The party broke up at 11:00.
RICKY: The way that our wives run out of us we agreed that we were gonna stay here until 2:00 and then go home.
RICKY: That way, they'll think that we've been dancing with lovely Diana all this time.
Please don't mention dancing in front of my feet.
Has the swelling gone down? No, they're so puffed up; I'll have to wear Ethel's shoes.
RALPH: Yeah, well, you were lucky.
You only danced with her.
I tried to talk to her once.
You know, it's amazing how little I have in common with a 20-year-old.
Who's Pat Boone? At least you talked to her in English.
I had to spend a half an hour trying to understand her high-school Spanish.
"Bonos dyas, senior.
" FRED: Look let's either go home or get me more hot water.
RICKY: All right, Fred, I guess we can go home now.
Don't forget, let's stick to our story.
RALPH: Okay, okay.
LUCY: Oh, here you are! At 2:00 in the morning! Where is she, the little hussy? I'll scratch her eyes out! Oh, well, you just missed her.
Boy, can that girl dance.
Dance! You should see the way she intermissions.
(wolf whistle) I think it's high time that you three gigolos came home with your wives.
Come on, Fred, get your feet out of that bucket.
Let's go.
All right, all right.
Where are your socks? In my shoes.
Well, pick 'em up, and we're going home.
All right, all right.
Honest to goodness, carrying on Easy now, easy! (applause) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy", starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, was brought to you by new Lilt, the only home permanent with squeeze-bottle magic.
the fastest, easiest home permanent ever.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.