Bewitched (1964) s06e25 Episode Script

- Mommy.
- Yes, sweetheart? Is this dollhouse for me? Oh, honey, it isn't a dollhouse.
It's part of Daddy's work.
It looks like a dollhouse.
Well, when miniature houses are used in business, they're called models.
Daddy's doing the advertising for a new housing development.
I can make it bigger.
Never mind.
The builders will make it bigger.
I'll show you how it works.
Now, you see, if you want a larger living room and a smaller dining room, you take this wall and move it there.
Witches can do that.
Looks like the mortals are catching up with us, huh? Now, upstairs, as the family grows, you take this wall and put it here and you have two bedrooms instead of one.
Are you sure Daddy won't give it to me? I'm afraid not, sweetheart.
He needs it for his work.
- Then can I go upstairs and play? - Sure.
Sam, will you help me get this out to the car? Oh, certainly.
- It's stuck.
- Let me try it.
- The lock is jammed.
- Well, you can go out the side door.
Let's put this down over here.
- That's strange.
I wonder if somebody - lf somebody what? Let's try the kitchen door.
- This door won't open either.
- I wonder if somebody what? Sam, what's going on? I don't know, but something.
Because three doors at the same time can't be a coincidence.
It's too coincidental.
Okay, who's the wise witch? It could be any one of your practical-joking relatives.
And while you try and figure it out, I think I'll climb out the window.
This is great.
I'm due at a meeting to deliver my advertising campaign in exactly 45 minutes.
Inconvenient, huh? So will you give me a hammer, and I'll break the window? - I'll call Mother.
It's cheaper.
- My way is faster.
Sam, this is ridiculous.
Well, at least you proved there's nothing wrong with the hammer.
This is no time for levity.
I've got to get out of here.
Yes, sweetheart.
Well, why don't I just pop you outside? - Sam, you know I don't tolerate witchcraft.
- Okay.
Start popping.
Wait a minute.
Let me try again.
- You've lost your powers? - I'll check.
No.
Just my popper power.
But don't panic, not until I try an emergency incantation.
Wooden doors, don't get the best of me.
When I command you, open sestame.
That's an incantation? You were in a hurry.
I don't have time for poetry.
Terrific.
We're trapped.
- Darrin.
- What? Now you can panic.
Darrin, I have tried every exit in the house and they are all un-exitable.
Did you talk to Tabitha? Oh, sweetheart, this is big witch stuff, not little witch stuff.
- How long till your meeting? - Thirty-eight minutes.
Darrin.
Darrin, I love you very much.
What does that have to do with it? Nothing.
I just like to say that in a crisis so you won't get mad at me.
Why would I get mad at you? Well, I am a witch, and there's a chance that this is all related to witchcraft.
There's a chance? There's a good chance.
- A good chance? - Darrin, don't be sarcastic.
What would you like me to be? Patient and understanding, while I consult an expert.
Mother? Mother? Good morning, Samantha.
- Durwood, why aren't you working? - I'm lazy.
Mother, Darrin isn't working because he can't get out of the house and neither can I.
None of our doors or windows will open.
Really? - What an original spell.
- By whom? By someone who disapproves of your marriage and wants to make trouble for it.
Exactly.
Now remove the spell, Mother.
My dear, I didn't cast the spell.
- Witch's honour? - Witch's honour.
Well, then, who did? Who likes to play stupid practical jokes? - Uncle Arthur.
- Uncle Arthur.
Two great minds with but a single thought.
Mother, now, I can't pop out, so why don't you see if you can track down Uncle Arthur for us? For us, no.
For you, yes.
Now, that's strange.
- Why don't you try an incantation? - Perhaps that's what's needed.
To rescue my daughter who married a buffoon, up, up and away in my beautiful balloon.
How about that? You have an unexpected houseguest.
Peachy.
Well, I guess I'll just have to get Uncle Arthur to come here to us.
- Uncle - What's the matter? Well, if Uncle Arthur pops in here and it turns out not to be his spell, he won't be able to pop out.
You're right.
Don't risk it.
It's bad enough being stuck here with your mother.
Darwin, you apologise or I'll blast you into lunar orbit.
You can't.
We're all stuck here together.
- Well, I could fly him around the house a bit.
- Mother.
Or I could make him invisible.
That way I wouldn't have to look at him.
- Mother, stop kidding around.
- Who's kidding? - Hello? - Hello, Samantha.
This is Larry.
It's Larry.
Hi, Larry.
What's new? What's new is where is Darrin? He's due here for an important meeting.
Well, Larry, I was just about to call you.
Darrin's stuck.
What do you mean, he's stuck? That's the wrong word.
He's stricken with illness.
Well, we don't know yet.
The doctor's examining him now.
I hope it's nothing serious.
But if it is, will you please call me back right away, Sam? Then I'll try to postpone the meeting for an hour or so.
- Larry! - Just joking.
- I'll call you later.
- All right, Larry.
Bye-bye.
- Well, was he furious? - No.
No, of course not.
He places your health above everything, practically.
This will be very cosy.
A few short hours, days, weeks, months, years in the bosom of my family.
Mother, I wish we could share your enthusiasm In constant companionship with those I love, my daughter, my granddaughter, my grandson and Well, you can't have everything.
Mother, we have to come up with some other possibilities besides Uncle Arthur.
Be patient, Samantha.
The culprit will reveal himself when he's good and ready, and not before.
Durwood, sit down and relax.
The centuries will pass quickly.
Darrin, where are you? - I'm in here.
- Where's "in here"? I was trying to climb up the chimney.
Sweetheart, you know there's not enough room for you to climb up that chimney.
Of course I know that.
But I'm slowly losing my grip on my sanity.
May I have your handkerchief? - Darrin, I love you very much.
- You already said that.
I'm repeating it for emphasis.
I love you too, honey, but there is a limit to my endurance.
Do you know what our marriage is like? Old MacDonald's farm.
Here a spell, there a spell, everywhere a spell-spell.
What's your answer to that? Ee-eye, ee-eye, oh? I'll bet that's Larry again.
What shall I tell him? Tell him I love him very much.
Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.
Nice to hear from you.
- How's Darrin? - His condition is unchanged.
But what did the doctor say? The doctor said He said we should consult a specialist.
There he is now.
I'll call you when I know something definite.
Bye-bye.
My compliments to your soundman.
I was playing with my grandchildren, and in my objective opinion, they're both brilliant.
From their mother's side.
What's that? It's a model of a unique house designed by one of Darrin's clients.
It has moveable walls.
Big deal.
I've been thinking.
You know whose spell this might be? Esmeralda's.
When she baby-sat two nights ago, maybe she tried something or other and it backfired.
Shall I yoo-hoo for her? I'm so anxious to get out of here, I'm even reconsidering your calling Uncle Arthur.
Besides, the more, the merrier.
Yoo-hoo, Esmeralda! Yes, Samantha? Mr Stephens! I assumed you would be at your office.
So did I.
Excuse me, Mother.
Esmeralda, we have a problem.
When you baby-sat two nights ago, did you cast any spells? No, I didn't.
Mr Stephens, I must apologise for letting you see me this way, but I have a date tonight and I was just giving myself a beauty treatment.
Endora, guess who finally asked me out.
- Cary Grant.
- No.
Ulysses Grant? No.
Ramon Verona.
Ramon Verona? Have you ever been to the Interplanetary Playboy Club? Frequently.
Is he a member? He's the salad chef.
I've had my eye on him for 75 years, and this is the first time he ever gave me a tumble.
Esmeralda, why don't you sit down? We have some news for you.
Good news or bad news? Good and bad.
The bad news is that you won't be able to keep your date tonight because you're a prisoner.
Well, what's the good news? The good news is I love you very much.
Endora, now what have you done? Since Tabitha can't play outside, I've given her things to play with inside.
- We haven't got room, so get rid of them.
- Get rid of them? Where? - What's this for? - For my granddaughter.
Mother, you have a lot to learn about being a houseguest.
That's Larry.
Make him go away, but don't offend him.
I won't.
I'll be nice and friendly and tell him the house is sealed off by witchcraft.
Okay, offend him.
- Who is it? - Sam, it's me, Larry.
Oh, hi, Larry.
What can I do for you? You can open the door and let me in.
I'm sorry.
I'm afraid you'll have to stay outside.
Why? The specialist said Darrin was contagious.
Contagious? With what? With a contagious disease.
Okay.
But would you mind getting me the model? I need it for the meeting.
I couldn't do that, Larry.
- Why not? - We're under quarantine.
Darrin's germs are all over that house.
Sam, will you please open the door so we don't have to shout at each other? Shouting is good exercise! - Sam, I smell something fishy.
- Oh, that must be our lunch.
We're having broiled salmon, have to turn it over! Bye, Larry! Love to Louise! Sam! Sam, come back! - Tabitha, look at that.
- Oh, boy! Will you push me on the swings, Grandmamma? Certainly, darling.
Sit down.
Well, has anyone come up with an idea about how I can keep my date with Ramon Verona? Esmeralda, Ramon Verona is the least of our worries.
Mr Stephens, you wouldn't say that if you were an unmarried witch - who seldom gets a shot at romance.
- Esmeralda.
I am surprised at your lack of sensitivity.
Esmeralda, would you take Tabitha upstairs while I try to consult Dr Bombay? Come along, Tabitha.
Come along.
I may only be a maid, but I still have feelings.
Samantha, why consult Bombay? Who's sick? I am.
I have a contagious disease.
It's about to change me into a raving maniac.
The change will be imperceptible.
Mother, now, looking at it broadly, this house is sick.
So maybe a house call can cure it.
Logical? No, but call him anyway.
Paging Dr Bombay.
Paging Dr Bombay.
Emergency.
Come right away.
I've been having a bull session with my nurse.
Where's your red cape? I dropped it making a pass at her.
Dr Bombay, we have a peculiar problem.
I know, but he's easy to get rid of, isn't he? Today, nothing is easy to get rid of.
Anyone or anything who's here stays here.
None of our doors or windows will open.
Diagnose that, bull artist.
The diagnosis, bigmouth, and others, is elementary.
It's a vapour lock.
I thought that only happened to automobiles.
Ignorant, isn't he? I'll run a spot check with my atmospheric oscillator.
No home should be without one.
Just as I suspected, 80 over 60.
- Is that bad? - It's terrible.
Normal is three over four-fifths.
Maybe you're holding it too close to Durwood.
Durwood is entirely irrelevant.
- I'll buy that.
- It's not for sale.
I'm in favour of relieving the suspense with a little humour.
So am I.
Why don't you try some? - Darrin, that's no way to speak to a doctor.
- Especially a witch doctor.
I wish you wouldn't call him that.
Please continue, Dr Bombay.
Just as you wish.
It's definitely a vapour lock.
Would you mind refreshing our memory on what that is? I'll try.
Where most witches live, the art of witchcraft is practised continually.
But when you married a mortal, your use of witchcraft was sharply curtailed.
- Who said so? - Darrin, don't interrupt.
This atrophy of action causes the undistributed metaphysical particles to clutter up the atmospheric continuum, thereby creating a bilateral transcendental trauma.
Or, in layman's terms, a vapour lock.
Why didn't I think of that? Dr Bombay, now that you know the cause, do you have a cure? I can answer your question in three parts.
A, I can cure it with a simple incantation.
B, I can't cure it because the incantation must be done from the outside and I can't get there because we are vapour-locked.
And C, because I'm anxious to get back to my nurse, I have an idea that will allow you to slide me under the door.
Aren't you a little bulky for that? You merely transfer me to a flat surface such as a photograph and slide me under the door.
- And then I can redimensionalize you.
- Precisely.
Why didn't I think of that? Go ahead, Samantha, photograph me.
Just a second.
This is my best side.
- Say cheese.
- Cheese.
- How'd it turn out? - Horrible.
It looks just like him.
To make this house again conventional, let Dr Bombay be three-dimensional.
Heed my solution to air pollution, obey the doc, vanish vapour lock.
There went a great doctor.
Anything else? Potions, magic amulets, flu shots? Nothing, Doctor.
Just thank you very much.
Don't thank me, my dear.
Just thank modern medicine.
The field is clear for takeoff.
Which I hope you do just as soon as you turn this playground back into a living room.
- He's not much of a father, is he? - Mother, wait a minute.
Darrin, I have an idea.
Instead of popping this out, why not shrink it to fit the model home? - What for? - Well, if they can make interior walls move, maybe they can make the roof move, too, and create an indoor-outdoor play yard.
I don't follow you.
Mother, would you shrink the equipment? And put it where the backyard would be.
I'll demonstrate.
They could make a sliding roof.
When the weather's bad, children can play outside under the shelter.
Just like Tabitha couldn't go out to play today, other children can't get out when the weather's bad.
That's not a bad idea.
Not bad? It's brilliant.
It might be, at that.
I could tell Larry the reason I was late is that I was stalling until the miniature playground equipment got here.
I'd better go.
- Endora? - Yes? I never thought I'd say this, but you've been a big help.
Samantha, what would your husband do without us? I don't know, but let's not ever let him find out.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi.
How'd it go? Well, I had a very shaky beginning.
Now, I told Larry your idea about the indoor-outdoor play yard and he hated it.
But he agreed to let me mention it to the client at the meeting and the client loved it.
- And now Larry loves it, too.
- Right.
Congratulations.
And I owe it all to you.
Even my idea about how to advertise it.
"For those days when you can't get out of the house.
" - Samantha, will you help me? - What's the matter? I'm supposed to meet Ramon Verona for dining and dancing on Jupiter, but there's something wrong with my radar.
Esmeralda, a gentleman warlock is supposed to call for a witch in person.
Ramon is no gentleman.
That's why I'm so anxious to go out with him.
I've landed on Mars and Venus and Pluto, but I just can't seem to hit Jupiter.
- Jupiter's a toughie.
- Will you send me? I'd be happy to.
Special delivery.
Happy landing.
Well, sweetheart, I not only helped Esmeralda, I helped us, too.
How? I distributed metaphysical particles to avoid another vapour lock.
Sweetheart, maybe I should make a point of using my witchcraft once a day.
- Once a day? - Once every two days? Once a week? Once in a while?