Bewitched (1964) s06e26 Episode Script

Okay, who's the wise witch? Wiser than you are, cousin, drudging around the kitchen like a slave.
Serena, doing housework is one of the joys of living the mortal life.
It means you're doing something for someone you love.
Well, you didn't develop biceps doing it.
Instead, why don't you break out and join me and the Maharaja of Jodhpur? He's throwing an elephant race.
Well, I appreciate the thought, but I have a day you wouldn't believe.
I have to take Adam to the paediatrician, get Tabitha some new shoes, pick up a dress to wear to a business dinner at the Tates' tonight And tote that barge and lift that bale.
That's on tomorrow's list.
Hello? Oh, hello, Mrs Corby.
Mrs Stephens.
I'm surprised to find you at home.
You were supposed to be here Oh, but there must be some mistake.
I thought it was tomorrow at 11:00.
No.
I have you down here for today, and I'm counting on you.
Well, yes, Mrs Corby, but I can cover for you for a while.
How long will it take you to get here? About 20 minutes.
I'm sorry, and I'll be there as soon as I can.
Serena, have I ever asked you to do me any favours? Yes.
You've asked me to get lost often enough.
Oh, Serena, this is for such a good cause.
For sending underprivileged kids to summer camp.
Yes, but All you'd have to do is take my place in the lobby of the Huntington Hotel, selling chances to people passing by.
It's really very simple.
Even you could do it.
Somehow, I don't think I'm being flattered.
Oh, well, on second thought, forget it.
Darrin would have a fit! I'll do it! Just one more thing.
Would you make that skirt just a smidgen longer? Killjoy! That's better.
While I was waiting for you, Mrs Stephens, I sold another $14 worth of tickets.
Oh, well, I only hope I can do as well as you did.
Now you're using good common sense.
Listen, Larry, you know as well as I do, your company has done a great job over the years for Dinsdale Soups, but let's face it, we've got to close up that generation gap.
Now when am I going to meet this young, bright genius who's going to turn the trick? Tonight at my house, along with some other members of my staff.
- Hi, there! - Hi.
Would you be interested in sending a boy to camp and making a girl happy? Yeah.
See you tonight.
- How about you, sir? - Huh? What? How about me for what? - Send a boy to camp? - Oh, sorry.
All of my charitable contributions are made through the George Dinsdale Foundation.
Oh? Who's George Dinsdale? Silly girl.
Me.
But if you'd like to have a drink with me, I might consider some out-of-pocket charity.
What do you say? Depends.
How much have you got in your pocket? Well, let's see.
Two fives and three dimes and a cough drop.
I'll take the cough drop.
I just got a chill.
Oh, my hunch was right.
You are something else.
You have no idea.
- Do you know what I'm going to do for you? - What? I'm going to buy all of your tickets up.
Groovy.
There's something about a first meeting that has its own special excitement.
It's like the start of a big game hunt.
- Don't tell me you're a hunter, too? - No, no, no.
I confine my safaris to the jungles of New York, Paris and London.
And may I say, you are the wildest game I have ever hunted.
Careful.
Maybe you're the chicken, and I'm the hawk.
Well, you do have beautiful hands.
Thank you.
And the longest lifeline I've ever seen.
It runs in the family.
I see something else.
I see lunch tomorrow at this table.
Look harder and you'll see dinner tonight at your place.
I have to go to a business dinner tonight, unfortunately.
Well, if you got to go, you got to go.
Would you consider coming with me? If you think that's my kind of evening, I'm a little disappointed.
You're right.
Lost my head.
- Lunch tomorrow.
Where do I pick you up? - Right here.
- Ciao.
- Ciao.
- I'm so glad you could come.
- Thank you.
There you go, George.
Very cold, very dry with a twist of lime instead of lemon.
- You know, I've got to try that sometime.
- Thanks, Larry.
- Where's this wonder boy of yours? - Oh, he's got to be here any minute.
- Oh, hi, dear.
- Hello, Louise.
I'm sorry we're late.
- Let me take your coat.
- Look at that.
Groovy.
Listen, you'd better go right on in.
They're waiting for you.
Here he is, George.
The late Darrin Stephens.
Great pleasure, Mr Dinsdale.
- And the charming Mrs Stephens.
- How do you do? Hello.
Two ice-cold martinis coming right up.
I'm looking forward to our meeting tomorrow, Mr Dinsdale.
I'm very enthusiastic about some of the ideas I've worked up for Dinsdale Soups.
- I think you're going to like what I have.
- Oh, I already do.
Pardon? I mean, I appreciate your enthusiasm, Stephens.
Darrin, I'm sure you know your way back to the bar better than I do.
- I wonder - Oh, sure.
I like it stirred slowly, at least 50 turns in the pitcher.
I see we have the same taste in martinis.
Excuse me.
- As well as beautiful women.
- Well, thank you very much.
How come the 50 turns in the pitcher? It gives us more time.
- For what? - For what? And you thought this was going to be a dull party.
- I did? - So did I.
How could I know about this? - About what? - Well, what else? You and me.
I tell you.
Fate must be dealing those cards to us.
It's kismet.
The gods have ordained it.
- You know what I mean? - Yes.
Yes, I know exactly what you mean, and I suggest you put it right out of your mind.
Oh, you mean until tomorrow? Mr Dinsdale, you are labouring under a misapprehension.
Now if I may make a carefully considered suggestion.
Sure.
Knock it off! I love it.
I love it! When those sparks fly from your eyes.
You know, you're even more striking now than you were this afternoon.
I think we'd better go back and join the others before - This afternoon? - Of course.
What are you worrying about? Nobody can hear us.
At the Huntington Hotel? A name that will be etched in my memory forever.
Oh, Mr Dinsdale, I'm afraid I owe you an apology.
- What for? I loved it.
- No, you didn't.
I mean, no.
No, you didn't meet me.
Well, I mean, you met me, but it wasn't me you met.
Keep talking.
You're beautiful.
The way you look Will you listen? Now, my cousin Serena took my place at the hotel this afternoon to sell those raffle tickets.
We look a great deal alike, and sometimes Oh, dear.
Well, it's much too complicated to explain right now.
It's all right.
I get it.
Oh, the games that people play.
Listen, Serena, when you arrive at the lunchroom tomorrow, just ask for 007.
- I'm telling you.
I'm not Serena! - Oh, sure, I understand.
And I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention anything about this to Darrin.
Are you kidding? He's the last one that's supposed to know.
Just be there at the luncheon date.
Your date is with Serena.
Serena, Samantha.
"A rose by any other name" Just tell your cousin to be there.
Oh, I definitely will.
Serena? Serena! Serena? Boy, do you have rotten timing.
What can I do for you, Cuz? - For one thing, you can stop being me.
- What are you talking about? Don't play innocent with me.
Innocence is not my bag.
I am talking about a certain George Dinsdale.
Oh, him.
Yes, him.
He happens to be a client of McMann & Tate, and he tried to nuzzle my ear at dinner tonight! Well, that is a bit of a sticky wicket.
Funny, huh? Not to me.
I gather you're having lunch with him tomorrow, so I want you to straighten him out.
I don't know why you're so uptight.
It's perfectly innocent.
He's very good-looking, and I happen to turn him on.
Well, turn him off! Okay! Okay.
Don't bust your broom.
Hi, there.
Hi, there.
Forgive me.
I'm terrible with names.
The password is "Send a boy to camp.
" Samantha! That wig is terrific.
I didn't recognise you.
Sit down.
Sit down.
I was beginning to think you'd chickened out.
I took the liberty of ordering.
George, there's something I have to tell you.
- I can't get over that wig.
- That's what I have to tell you.
It isn't a wig.
Yesterday, that was a wig.
Well, who cares? Let's not waste time on small talk.
Oh, Samantha, I want to know everything about you.
Well, the first thing you must know is that I am not Samantha.
I'm her cousin Serena.
Oh, sure, sure.
Very wise, too.
You're Samantha in suburbia and Serena when you're out on the town.
- You devil, you.
A bit overcautious, but - No, no.
No.
Samantha was in a spot yesterday, so I took her place to sell those raffle tickets.
I tell you I am Serena.
Okay, okay.
So you're Serena.
Just as long as I've made that perfectly clear.
Perfectly.
Now, there's something I've got to know before we go any further.
What? - What about Darrin? - What about him? Well, you know.
How do you feel about him? - Oh, well, he's all right.
- What does that mean? Well, he's okay to visit, but I wouldn't want to live with him.
That's just what I figured.
Oh, believe me, I would love to stay and play, but I have to fly.
- So if you'll excuse me.
- Well, wait.
What about lunch? Besides, we haven't begun to talk about me.
Sure we have.
In fact, we just finished.
Oh, Samantha, stay and at least have one more drink.
Oh, waiter? Waiter? Another round for me and the young lady.
- Young lady? - Yes If I may suggest, sir, maybe you should have something to eat.
Oh, hi, Larry.
I'm glad you dropped in.
I wanted to show you this.
It's a new label I'm thinking of springing on Dinsdale.
- Forget it.
He just called.
- And? - He doesn't want you on the account.
- What? And from the way he talked, I'd say he was thinking of cancelling his account altogether.
But why? That's the same question that's been going through my mind.
- What'd you say to him last night? - Nothing.
I mean, I said I was looking forward to working with him, and I was confident he was going to like my ideas.
- What else? - Oh, I don't know.
I made him a martini.
- Did you use gin? - Of course.
- Did you chill the glass? - Yes.
Did you put a twist of lime in it? - No.
- Well, that's it.
He didn't like the martini.
- Larry, you're not making sense.
- I know, but I'm desperate.
- Oh, Mr Dinsdale.
- You're a naughty girl.
I am? I didn't think you were the type that got cold feet.
Well, I don't, not even in the coldest weather.
- May I come in? - Of course.
Serena did show up at the luncheon, didn't she? Oh, of course.
And she did clear up the misunderstanding? Oh, look, I'm tired of playing these kind of games.
Oh, well, so am I, especially without a referee.
Please! Mr Dinsdale, what went on at that lunch? Oh, Samantha, will you stop this charade? Look, I know what's bugging you.
- You do? - Of course I do.
And I Frankly, I agree.
The fact is, it's because your husband is still doing business with me, and I make it a rule never to do business with a man while I'm seeing his wife.
It puts me at a psychological disadvantage, if you know what I mean.
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
Where were you when they were handing out character? Oh, Samantha, let's be adult about this thing.
I have solved our problem.
I have fired Darrin off the account.
What? And now that I've cleared the way for our happiness, how about showing a little gratitude? Mr Dinsdale, in about two seconds, you are going to feel the full extent of my gratitude.
Now will you please let go and listen? Oh, all right! Okay.
Now, I'm going to try once more to clarify things.
I am Samantha.
You are Samantha.
I did not meet you at the hotel yesterday.
You did not meet me at the hotel yesterday.
- That was my cousin Serena.
- That was your cousin Serena.
Will you stop parroting me? You're right.
Let's both stop talking.
Okay, you asked for it.
Hey, Sam? Oh, hi, Larry, Darrin.
- Is Dinsdale here? - What makes you think he's here? He didn't show up for the meeting, and Betty told us he phoned for your address.
Where'd the parrot come from? Oh, well, he belongs to a neighbour.
I was sort of parrot-sitting.
Hi, Darrin.
Isn't that cute? I just taught him to say that.
Wow.
That usually takes months.
Well, he's a very apt pupil.
Maybe we ought to try Dinsdale's hotel again.
I'm Dinsdale.
I'm Dinsdale.
- You taught him that, too? - Yes.
Well, I figured if Dinsdale ever dropped in I don't understand.
In case Dinsdale ever dropped in, you'd go and borrow the bird again? You said it, I didn't.
Listen, if he can say Dinsdale's name, maybe we ought to buy the parrot, take him over to the hotel, go up to his room and spring it on him! Well, I guess I'll go on home.
Let me know if you hear from Dinsdale.
I'm Dinsdale.
I'm Dinsdale.
Oh, shut up and eat your crackers.
See you, Sam.
Yeah.
Bye, Larry.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
"Four score and seven years ago.
" "Four score and seven years ago.
" Fantastic! I've never heard of a parrot that could learn that quickly.
Yes.
Well, there's a good explanation for that.
Oh? Yes, it isn't a parrot.
You could've fooled me.
What is it? It's a George Dinsdale.
You turned a client into a parrot? I had to.
You see, he met Serena when she took my place at the hotel yesterday.
Then when he met me, he thought I was Serena.
You turned a client into a parrot? Well, Darrin, he was all over me.
I had to do it.
Of course.
You had to do it.
- Poor guy.
- Well, what about poor me? And what about poor you? That bird had you fired! That still doesn't justify doing a thing like this.
What if Larry had found out? Well, he probably would have tried to get the parrot to sign on the dotted line.
Very funny.
Now, will you change him back? Darrin, it's not going to do any good until we can convince him that there are two of us.
Now, you take him into the kitchen while I try and get hold of Serena.
Okay.
He doesn't seem to like me.
Well, it isn't a popularity contest.
Just get him out of the room.
Serena? - Did you get in touch with Serena? - Yes.
She's getting ready.
May I have a glass of water? - Can't it wait till you change him back? - It's not for me.
And Darrin, don't be surprised at anything I might say or do.
You're kidding.
Just have a few more sips and you'll feel better.
What happened? Tell him what happened.
You felt a little faint and asked for some water.
Yeah, some water.
I must have had a lapse in memory.
I What am I doing in here? Apparently, he doesn't remember about wanting the meeting changed.
No, no, he doesn't.
You wanted to meet here instead of at the office.
I did? And I'm very glad we got that little matter straightened out about me and my cousin Serena.
Oh, now, that I remember.
As a matter of fact, she's here.
Come on.
Hi, Georgie Porgie! I can't believe it! There really are two of you.
I thought I'd never hear you say that.
I owe you a profound apology.
- It's perfectly all right.
- No, no, no.
It isn't, Mrs Stephens.
What can I do to make up for my grotesque behaviour? Well, you could begin by apologising to Darrin.
Stephens, what can I say? Well, what I'd like to hear you say is that you'll read the material I've prepared for you.
I don't have to.
Under the circumstances, I love it.
Love it! And speaking of that, what are you doing in the immediate future? I'm having dinner with you, followed, I imagine, by an evening of dancing, merrymaking and etcetera.
- What time shall I pick you up? - Why wait? What's wrong with starting the evening this afternoon? Oh, lady, I like your style.
Again, forgive me.
Ta-ta, Cuz, Dumbo.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- May I come in? - Yes, of course.
A little A little something to reinforce the apology.
Oh, well, thank you, but it really wasn't necessary.
- Well, good to see you, George.
- Oh, hi, Darrin.
I'd offer you a drink, but I have a hunch you wouldn't accept.
You'd make a great bookie.
I was wondering if you knew how to get in touch with Serena.
I owe her an apology.
Did something go wrong the other night? Well, I must've had a bit too much to drink.
What happened? Well, Serena and I were dancing, and the music was playing real soft.
Kind of prehistoric style, you know? And I was singing in Serena's ear Fly me to the moon And then the next thing I knew, I was on my way! Where? - To the moon! - Oh.
Oh, dear.
Well, that must've been quite a nightmare.
Oh, I tell you, I But I don't remember being asleep.
I must have passed out.
When I woke up, I was in my hotel room.
Imagine that.
Yeah, three days later.
I've just got to find her and apologise to her.
Well, it's a little hard to tell where Serena will be at any given moment.
She travels, you know.
But I'll give her your message.
And in the meantime, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.
- As a matter of fact, I'd be rather pleased.
- What do you mean? Well, you made the trip a lot easier and a lot cheaper than the guys from NASA.
Well, that makes sense.