Family Ties (1982) s06e26 Episode Script

(no voice) I bet we've been together for a million years And I bet we'll be together for a million more Oh, it's like I started breathing On the night we kissed And I can't remember what I ever did before What would we do, baby, without us? What would we do, baby, without us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through What would we do, baby, without us? Here we go! Flapjacks a la PBS! What makes them "flapjacks a la PBS," Dad? Well I don't really know.
I guess it's because they're good and good for you.
They're a nutritious start to a nonprofit day.
MALLORY: Alex, you know, it's not polite to type at the table.
Okay, Mal.
Let me use the top of your head.
I need a flat surface.
What are you doing? Well, I'm helping out my younger brother.
See, they're having class elections in Andy's kindergarten, so I am typing up a résumé for him that will assure success.
"In 1987, Andrew Keaton served "as director of nutritional unit disbursement in preschool.
" What is that? Milk monitor, Dad.
Hey, everybody, guess who is "Buddy for the Day" in kindergarten.
Congratulations, Mom.
No, not me.
No, it's Andy.
See, whenever a new child comes to the school, the teacher picks one of the most responsible kids in the class, and that child gets to show the other child around school for the day.
It sounds like orientation at Grant College.
- (Steven chuckles) - Hey, congratulations.
Buddy for the Day.
This is gonna go right into your résumé.
When was Andy ambassador to the United Nations? It's too much? Too You're really not kidding anyone, Alex.
He is in kindergarten.
Oh, yeah? Last week I was offered chairman of the board of Occidental Petroleum.
Would've taken it, too.
He had to go to Mitsy Lepman's birthday party.
SKIPPY: Good morning, everybody! - Hey, hi, Skippy.
- All right there, Andy, ready to go to school? Oh, he's in an exchange program with Grant College? No, your parents asked me to take Andy to school today.
No, Skippy, I asked you to pick up Andy after school this afternoon.
Alex is taking him this morning.
We really appreciate you doing this, Skip.
Oh, don't mention it, Mr.
Keaton.
In many ways, I consider myself part of this family.
Except of course, I don't look like any of you.
And I live in a different house.
And I have a different last name.
And a different first name.
That's nice, Skip.
In many ways, we consider you part of this family, too.
Don't we? Pass the toast, Dad? Oh, wow, does this bring back memories.
Andy, my first day of kindergarten I cried.
Were you scared, Alex? No, no, I just found out they weren't gonna pay us.
(laughs) I remember I had my first crush when I was six.
Marjorie Hansen.
I used to write her notes all the time.
One day, the, uh, the teacher stood up there, and read my note to the whole class.
What did you say? "Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm into pork bellies, should I buy some for you?" Oh, good morning, Andy.
Hello, Alex.
BOTH: Good morning, Mrs.
Metcalf.
Good morning, boys, and it's Miss Metcalf.
Why haven't you got married yet? Well, Andy, um Actually I was married, but it didn't work out.
Sometimes I would come home and he'd be Well, that's a different story.
No, no, go on.
Oh, Andy, um, why don't you join the group? We're just about ready to get started.
But what happened to your husband? I will tell the whole class at story time.
Okay? (Alex chuckles) I'm not gonna be able to make it to story time, so Alex, how have you been? Oh, well, I can't complain.
Straight A's, dean's list I'm a senior over at Leland.
Oh, good we're very proud of you.
Well, thanks.
Uh, Miss Metcalf, uh any any word on that grade change yet? Alex (laughs) I'm keenly aware of your campaign to have that grade changed, but, uh, it's been over 15 years and your teacher at the time Mrs.
Wills has died.
Yeah, well, she'd do anything to keep from changing that grade.
Look, Miss Metcalf, I tied my shoes correctly that day.
I mean, she was just steamed because I brought my television set to watch the Watergate hearings.
Alex, it's too late there is nothing I can do.
All right, okay, hey, fine, fine.
I don't get into a good graduate program, I'm suing this school.
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, excuse me.
Good morning, hi.
Good morning, Josh, and welcome to the class.
(quietly): Are you my teacher? Yes! I'm your teacher.
Andy, sweetheart, you want to come here for a second? Andy, I'd like you to meet Mrs.
Richards.
Hi, Andy, nice to meet you.
Hi, nice to meet you.
And this is Josh.
Now, Andy, Josh can't hear.
But he speaks by signing.
It's called sign language.
See, right now, he said that he's very happy to meet you.
I would like to say, "I'm very happy to meet him," but how can I if he can't hear? MRS.
RICHARDS: Well, he can't he can't hear you.
But he can read your lips a little bit.
So, you can talk to him.
(slowly): Josh, I'm very glad to meet you.
Is that okay? MISS METCALF: See? He's signing, "Yes.
" Okay, now, Andy, you're gonna be Josh's buddy for the day.
Would you like to see our goldfish? Oh, wait.
Bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
Well, I can see he's in good hands.
Oh, Andy's a very sweet kid.
I think they're gonna be good friends.
- I've got to go to work.
- Okay.
- Thanks a lot, bye.
- Bye-bye.
Hi, Andy.
Hi, Eugene.
This is Josh.
What's he doing? He talks with his hands.
He can't hear.
What do you mean he can't hear? Let's see if he can hear this.
(louder): Hey, kid! Get out of the way! I want to see the fish! Yeah, me, too.
Move it! (laughing) You guys stop it! Don't do that to him! All right, all right, all right, children, come on.
Let's go sit back down.
Let's get back to work.
Don't feel bad.
It's okay, Skippy, everybody gets lost.
Yeah, well, so we went a little out of our way.
It was nice driving around Columbus, wasn't it? Cincinnati was very nice, too.
Yes, it was.
And best of all, it gave me a chance to learn sign language.
My name? Okay, S K I P P - Y.
- Y.
Two Ps are you sure? No wonder I never get any mail.
Josh, you want to color? Oh, you know what's funny? When I was a kid, there were certain things I didn't do very well.
Uh, coloring sports, math, spelling, gargling.
But as you get older it doesn't matter as much.
There's so many new things I can't do.
Do you like this? Cat.
I had a cat once.
His name was, uh, Skippy.
And sometimes when my mother would call me to dinner, he would get there first.
So I would get his Tender Vittles.
When Eugene and the other kids made fun of you today, were you sad? I would never make fun of you.
- What happened? - Eugene and the other kids made fun of him today.
Oh, that's not nice.
Believe me, I know what it's like to be teased.
Josh, are you sad because you can't hear? No.
Then I guess I shouldn't be sad either.
(knock on door) Ah, I'll get it.
Hi, are you Skippy? - Yeah.
- Yes, I'm Josh's mom.
- Oh, um - Nice to meet you.
Hey.
Hi.
Did you have fun today? Yes.
What did you do? Andy, Josh says you were a great buddy for the day.
Thank you.
Welcome.
Uh, Skippy, Josh says the next time you pick him up, he wants to go to Michigan what does that mean? He's just kidding we weren't that close to Michigan.
Um, we were closer to Florida.
Hey.
Tell Andy you'll see him tomorrow.
Bye.
Yeah, we're going, going home, come on.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Skippy, friends are supposed to share, right? Right.
So if my friend has a problem, it's my problem, too, right? Right, especially if it's a good friend.
Now I know what to do.
Of course, you might want to check these answers with someone who's actually had friends.
Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- Hey, how did it go, Skip? Any trouble picking up Andy at school? Well, uh, the picking up part went fairly smoothly, but then on the way home, we saw a little bit more of the Midwest than we had planned.
Andy, I see you had your milk and cookies? Yeah, yeah, he sure did.
And, uh, that reminds me you're low on milk.
Chocolate syrup, peanut butter and jelly.
Well, I'll try to restock before your next visit.
Thanks.
It means a lot to me.
- All right.
- Bye.
So, Andy, what would you rather have for dinner pizza or your mother's special tofu-plankton nut loaf? It's pizza, honey.
So, how was school today, Andy? You okay? Something wrong? Are you okay, buddy? What's up? - I got pizza.
- Oh.
I got pizza with pepperoni, sausage and anchovies.
And for dessert, I've got pizza with Alka-Seltzer.
Didn't you forget something? Oh, no, no, Mom.
Got it right here.
Your health pizza no cheese, extra seaweed.
Ah.
Mmm.
Alex, I gave you $40.
Might there not be some change forthcoming? Well, Dad, there was gas.
It was my gas.
It was my car.
All right, okay, well, th-there was my delivery fee.
There was my, uh my hanging out in the pizzeria fee.
And, uh, and then, then, of course, there was my tip.
So, actually, Dad, the way I figure it, you owe me $1.
35.
Have you got any change, Elyse? Yeah.
Mom? - I'll go call Andy for dinner.
- ELYSE: Oh.
Wait a minute, honey.
We want to talk to you about something.
What did we do? - Oh, no, it's not you guys.
- No.
Something has really been bothering Andy lately.
I know what it is.
What is it? Gold.
Dropped $14 on the London market today.
Well, maybe that's part of it.
Oh.
There's got to be something else.
Egg futures.
They're down, too.
There must be something else.
It's not like Andy.
Something is wrong.
Yeah, all we know is that he went to school this morning, and then Skippy brought him home.
Oh, well, Mom, that's it right there.
He spent time with Skippy.
I mean, after that, it-it takes three, four hours before the power of speech returns.
I'll give Skippy a call.
Maybe he knows something.
Yeah, I'll call him anyway.
Andy just hasn't been himself.
He wouldn't talk to us, and then he just went upstairs to his room and went to sleep.
I know what it is.
It's the it's a rumor going around that if a Democrat gets into office, interest rates are going to skyrocket.
You'd make a fine child psychologist, Alex.
STEVEN: Hello.
Skippy, it's Mr.
Keaton.
Uh Yes, from across the street.
Uh Your neighbor.
Would you mind coming over here for a moment? Fine.
Good-bye.
Andy, look what we've got here.
Pizza, your favorite.
What kind do you want? You want sausage, or you want mushroom? JENNIFER: I bet I can get him to say, "no.
" Andy, how would you like some alfalfa sprouts and gluten on your pizza? He's definitely not talking.
All right, all right, all right.
Don't panic.
Don't panic.
Don't panic, okay? Watch.
Andy who's your favorite brother? Definitely a problem here.
I don't know.
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
Ring! Ring! The phone! Oh.
Ring.
Ring.
Oh.
Hello.
Oh, just a minute.
Andy, it's for you.
But, Andy, there's a call for you.
I'll take it.
No.
It's not for you.
I'll take it anyway.
Hello.
No, I'm sorry.
This is her brother.
Yes, yes, we'll keep her here until you arrive with the net and the tranquilizer gun.
- MALLORY: Oh, look.
- ELYSE: Oh, Skippy! Look, when you brought Andy home today, did anything happen that might have upset him? I don't think so.
Uh, let's see.
Uh, when I met him at school, he was busy on the jungle gym, so I played with the blocks for a while.
If this yields any useful information, I'm transferring to Grant College.
Skippy, what happened after you left kindergarten? I went to the first grade.
He means today, Skippy.
Let's see.
When-when we came home, uh, Andy and Josh Josh? Who is Josh? That's Andy's friend.
His buddy for the day.
And they came home together? Yeah.
We had milk and cookies and colored and, uh, Andy drew a cat while Josh drew a goldfish.
Skippy, work with me on this.
What the heck are you doing with your hands? It's sign language.
Josh taught me.
He's Deaf.
(clears throat) SKIPPY: Oh Didn't I mention that? No.
Then, I, uh, I probably also didn't mention that some of the kids in Andy's class, they were teasing Josh.
Was Andy involved? Yeah, he stood up for Josh.
He seemed really upset about it.
Is-is there any more to the story? Is there anything else you want to say? Yeah.
Is this pizza for everybody? Now this is the sign for want.
I want a car.
I want ice cream.
Yes? Okay.
So if you want Josh to pass something to you, this is the sign that you use.
Does anyone have a special word that they'd like to know? Uh Louise.
Pencil.
Uh Pencil.
Yes, pencil.
Good.
Anybody else? What about "teacher"? Teacher.
Teacher.
Good.
Yes? How about recess? Okay.
- Good.
- EUGENE: No.
I don't mean the sign.
I mean, how about recess? In just a couple of minutes, Eugene.
All right, now, class, I think that we should thank Josh for teaching us these signs, okay? ALL: Thank you, Josh.
Good.
You're welcome.
Good.
That's great.
Okay, how about some free time? Good.
CHILD: Josh Do you feel like talking yet, Andy? Uh, well, um, after this period we can go into my office and we can talk about you not talking.
Uh, but you'll probably not want to talk about it, but you can talk about it if you want to talk about it.
We'll talk later.
Are you mad at me, Andy? Why aren't you talking to me? Because he's a dummy, just like his friend.
(laughing) MISS METCALF: Oh, hi.
I'm so glad that you could come today.
Josh's mother is coming, too, and I figure that together, we can figure out Andy's problem.
Oh, we hope so, too.
Uh, after we wrap that up, Alex asked us if we'd have a conference with you.
Something about a grade change? He is 22 years old and he still can't believe that he got a "B" in shoe-tying? I think he's serious about it.
He's asked for a makeup test.
MISS METCALF: Oh, excuse me.
Hi, Mrs.
Richards.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Glad you could come.
- Thanks.
- Uh, these are the Keatons.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- This is Josh's mother.
- Thank you.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Very nice to meet you.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
I think I see a tug-of-war breaking out.
Mrs.
Richards, we really appreciate your coming here this afternoon.
Oh, it's no problem.
Look, I can't help but feel responsible for Andy not talking.
Oh, please don't.
No.
It's just that Andy's never had a friend before who was, uh you know.
I think what Steven means is that Andy just has no experience playing with someone who's well, who's Deaf.
Yes.
Thank you.
Um I don't know, for some reason it's difficult to talk about Josh being, uh Deaf.
Andy stopped talking maybe I should, too.
Don't feel bad, Mr.
Keaton.
The word "deaf" is not an insult.
I'm sorry.
I think we just we're just afraid we're going to say the wrong thing.
It's okay.
It happens all the time.
You know, that's what's so remarkable about Andy.
See, a lot of kids would be scared off by Josh, and Andy's been a real friend.
You can be very proud of him.
He's quite a boy.
There's something I'd like to show you.
It's a painting that both Josh and Andy drew.
It's of the both of them.
- Huh.
- Oh.
Right here.
I don't see why we need to learn sign language just because the new kid can't hear.
I think sign language is fun.
I don't.
I don't think deaf kids should be allowed in a normal class.
Why don't you guys be quiet? Why? He can't hear us.
We can say anything we want.
But Andy can hear you, and they're friends.
See, he's getting really mad at you.
Big deal! What's he going to do, not yell at us? (laughing) Hey, everybody, want to see something funny? Why don't you go home? You don't belong here.
Yeah, get out of here, stupid-head.
(laughing) (grunting) Hey! Hey, hey, hey! - Come on! Come on! - Eugene, Eugene, Dougie, get over here.
He started it! He started it! Andy, there is no excuse for this.
Now, what is going on? Hey, how'd it go, buddy? Andy.
He's still not talking? Nope.
Of all my siblings to give up talking, why did it have to be him? I don't know how much we accomplished.
We talked to Andy's teacher.
We talked to Josh's mother.
And then a fight broke out.
Did you win, Dad? I wasn't one of the combatants.
It was between Andy and another boy, and it was just so sad to see those children fighting Josh sitting there, knowing they were fighting over him.
You know, there was a time in my life when I didn't talk.
Really? I'm sorry I missed that, Skippy.
When, exactly, were you speechless? From age zero to two.
I think I could actually speak back then.
There just wasn't anything on my mind.
Oh, so basically nothing's changed.
I really don't know what we're going to do.
Obviously, Andy's not speaking out of sympathy for Josh, which is really a very sweet and caring thing to do, but how do we get him to speak without squelching his noble impulses? Have you tried offering cash yet? (doorbell rings) Oh, excuse me.
Mrs.
Richards, come in.
Hi, Josh.
- Hi.
- Come in.
How are you? I'd like you to meet our children.
This is Mallory and Jennifer and Alex.
Uh, Skippy's not ours.
Um, where's Andy? Oh, he's upstairs.
- I'll go get him.
- Thanks.
Josh, I want to thank you for being such a good friend to Andy.
What did he say? He said, "You like money.
" So Andy mentioned me to you.
STEVEN: Andy Andy, thank you very much for standing up for Josh today.
But we'd all like it very much if you would start to speak again.
Please, honey.
We love you so much.
We really want to hear your sweet little voice.
Andy, you're my best friend.
Thank you for sticking up for me today but you don't have to.
It doesn't matter that I can't hear.
Please talk, Andy.
(sighs) You're my best friend.
- Oh - Oh, that's so great.
Mrs.
Richards, you have yourself quite a young man there.
(indistinct talking) (all sound fades out) MAN: Sit, Ubu, sit.
Good dog.
(Ubu barks)