Bewitched (1964) s06e27 Episode Script

Barbour Peaches.
Barbour Peaches.
"Whole, sliced or halves, "everything's peachy when you buy Barbour Peaches.
" No.
"If you're picky, pick your peaches out of a Barbour can.
" Can you stop for a minute? Yeah.
Believe me, I need a break.
What is it? It's Tabitha in the new playhouse.
You have to see this.
Come on.
Here's your cup of sugar, Mrs Kravitz.
I'd ask you to come in, but I have company.
Bye, Mrs Kravitz.
- Isn't that cute? - What does she mean, "company?" Well, you know, imaginary playmates.
All children make up someone to play with.
Yeah, but - Hi, sweetheart.
Where are you going? - To get some drinks for my company.
Mr Jones wants a martini, and Mrs Jones wants a ginger ale.
Mrs Jones is a teetotaler.
She is? Then I'd better get her some tea.
Hurry up.
You don't seem to be amused.
Sam, what if there really is a tiny Mr and Mrs Jones in there? Darrin, don't be silly.
She's just behaving like any normal six-year-old.
I just want to make sure she isn't behaving like any normal six-year-old witch.
Sorry.
Well, well, well.
Can I have a taste of that martini? You want Mr Jones to drink out of the same glass as you? Oops.
Lost my head.
I wish you and Daddy would find something to do while I'm entertaining.
Daddy does have something to do.
I promised Larry I'd have a slogan for Barbour's Peaches by early this afternoon.
- I'd better get back on it.
- And I'd better see if Adam's awake.
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed your lunch, Mr and Mrs Jones, and I'm sorry I burned the meat.
You'd like some more, Mr Jones? There you are.
It's a pleasure to serve a man with a hearty appetite.
How do you do? How do you do? Not meaning to trouble you, lass, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I was wondering if you could spare a morsel for a poor, hungry creature? We don't have any morsels, but we have some roast beef.
It's a little burned.
Burnt, is it? Just the way me mother used to make it.
A pleasure it is to make your acquaintance.
- Tim O'Shanter's the name.
- How do you do? This is Mr and Mrs Jones.
Well, how do you do, Mr Jones? - No, that's Mrs Jones.
- So it is.
Excuse me.
- And what might your name be? - Tabitha.
Would you be off to getting me a bit of food? It's fairly starving, I am.
- Help yourself.
- There's nothing there.
- Yes, there is.
- No, there's not.
You eat what's in front of you, or else you don't eat at all.
You've got a delightful sense of humour, me darling.
And now that we've had our little laugh, would you be after getting me some real food, you little sweetheart? I'll see what I can find.
A darling girl.
A darling girl.
Weird, but darling.
Will you stop stalling and start doing your thing? - What do you think I brought you here for? - That I will, O gracious queen.
I'm not your queen.
And get up off your knees.
You see, it's just that I'm in need of a bit of sustenance, and it's terrible hard to work on an empty stomach.
You'll find it even harder if I turn you into a toadstool.
Now get going! - Hi, Sam.
- Hi, Larry.
How's Louise? Fine.
She's spending the weekend on the phone.
How's everything here? Great.
We're enjoying an unusual stretch of peace and quiet.
We got a playhouse for Tabitha, and we haven't heard a word out of her.
Really? Maybe I ought to get one of those for Louise.
- What a surprise.
- Hi, Larry.
Thought I heard you.
- I'm not ready for you yet.
- I just dropped by for an interim check.
How's it going? You want the truth, or you want me to make you feel good? - You can't do both? - Tabitha, where are you going with that? - Out to the playhouse.
- But you had a big lunch just an hour ago.
It's not for me.
It's for the leprechaun.
Excuse me.
Don't let it throw you.
She's been entertaining imaginary friends all morning.
If you're smart, you'll get that leprechaun to help you with the slogan.
That's funny.
Well, I don't want to hold you up.
I think I'll go out and hit a bucket of balls.
I'll check back later.
But Tabitha, how do you know a leprechaun would like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Because he told me.
Ask a foolish question.
Honey, that sandwich is really for you, isn't it? No, Daddy, it's for the leprechaun.
Well, for make-believe people, pretend food is good enough.
Okay, Daddy, but the leprechaun won't be happy.
Well, when you entertained Mr and Mrs Jones, you served them imaginary roast beef.
Now why does the leprechaun need real food? Because he's real and they weren't.
Now, that's ridiculous.
My stars! Sam, what's going on? You look like Pinocchio, Daddy.
Take my advice, Tabitha.
Cool it.
I fail to see anything funny about this.
You should look in the mirror.
Tabitha, that's enough.
Now you fix your father's nose immediately.
I can't.
I didn't do it.
- I suppose the leprechaun did it.
- Darrin, maybe she is telling the truth.
- Maybe there is a leprechaun out there.
- Now don't be ridiculous.
Sam, don't just stand there.
Find that leprechaun! You come out of there! Come out! Come on! Now stop! Cease and desist! What is all this hullabaloo? I did you no harm.
You may not think so, but my husband feels quite differently.
Now you put his nose and ears back to normal! Well, come on! Okay, go ahead.
What nose? What ears? That nose and those ears.
Now you change them back at once, or you'll regret it.
I don't think you know who or what I am.
More to the point, I don't think you know who or what I am.
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
They're gone, Daddy! Tabitha, I don't know what to say.
And as soon as we get rid of this thing, I'll apologise properly.
I don't know who you are or why you're here, and I'd rather not know.
Now, Darrin, wait a minute.
I'd like some answers.
What are you doing here? Oh, sure, and it's a long story, and a sad story, and a story that'll set your tears to flowing.
Somebody took me magic shillelagh, and I've got no power to travel home.
Unless I find a witch to restore me power, there's no way for me to get back to me home.
Oh, sure and give me power back! Okay, it's restored.
Now you better start travelling.
Yours are darling people.
Darling people.
And I thank you for the kindness and hospitality of your home.
Well, that, I hope, is that.
Sam, you don't suppose that leprechaun could've helped me with a slogan for Yeah.
I'd better get back to work.
I think I'm cracking up.
It's just my luck to pick a goof-up leprechaun.
Well, what would you have me do? Herself just threw me out of the house.
But the dear, sweet witch, she did restore me powers to travel.
Well, the big, bad witch has un-restored them, and they'll stay un-restored until you finish the job you've been assigned.
If you're such a big, bad witch, why don't you do the job yourself? I never interfere in my daughter's marital life.
You're as full of shenanigans as I am.
Never mind the noise.
Go on with your job.
But the fair blonde one, she'll pulverise me.
Not Not if we're clever about it.
- Then I take it you have something in mind? - Yes.
- Sam? - In here, sweetheart.
Did you come up with a slogan for the peaches? No, but look what I found outside the den door with this note.
"My host you were for a time today.
I leave these shoes my debt to pay.
" - From the leprechaun.
- Yeah.
How about that? Well, why would he leave you a gift when we practically threw him out of here? Well, maybe it's his way of apologising for bugging us.
Look at these.
Custom-made, leather-lined.
Darrin, maybe you shouldn't keep them.
Why? According to legend, it's bad luck not to accept a gift from a leprechaun.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Well, maybe.
But why take chances? Fit like a glove.
You'd better get to work.
Larry will be back soon.
Who cares? - But you said you hadn't finished.
- So what? I slaved enough this weekend.
I'm pooped.
I think I'll take a nap.
It's those shoes! That sneaky leprechaun put a hex on them.
Now, why blame the leprechaun, just 'cause I finally got some sense - and refuse to knock myself out? - Darrin, I want you to take off those shoes! That's Larry.
I'll get it.
Well, wait a minute.
Maybe it'd be better if I talked to him.
What for? Well, because I don't think you're in the right frame of mind.
The only thing wrong with my frame of mind is that I didn't get it years ago.
Hi, Larry.
Good to see you.
Well, that hearty greeting can mean only one thing.
- You got the slogan, right? - Wrong.
You're not finished? No.
And I'll tell you something else.
I'm not going to finish tonight.
You mean you're going to get up early and work? Larry, you're looking at a new man.
From now on, the only time I'm gonna be up early is if I don't go to bed.
Is he drunk? No.
No, it's just fatigue.
You know we have to present that slogan at the meeting tomorrow morning.
Larry, maybe you should come back a little later.
- You know what your trouble is? - Right now, it's you.
You're so busy driving, you can't see the road.
- Work is a sickness with you.
- Yes.
- But it's obviously not contagious.
- Larry, it's just the strain of overwork.
I'm sure he'll come up with something if he can just get a little rest.
Let's hope so because if he doesn't, he's gonna have a nice, long rest.
And the same to you, fellow.
Sam.
Sam, I think I'll take a little snooze.
Darrin! Sam, I thought I told you I was going to take a nap.
And I'm telling you to take off those shoes! You're right.
That would certainly be more comfortable.
- I can't get them off.
- I was afraid of that.
You little imp! Madam! Madam! Madam, you're tempting fate.
Don't you know it is the worst of luck to harm a leprechaun? That only applies to good leprechauns.
Where'd she go? Where'd she go? You got me.
But I certainly want to thank you for these shoes.
They're terrific.
Hey, you'll not get off that easy.
I've got eyes on the back of me head, I have! You get those shoes off him, or I'll pulverise you! Let me go.
Let me go, or those shoes will be on his feet for the rest of his days! - Let me go! - Okay.
- Now, why did you do that? - You asked me to let you go.
Just what we need.
A funny witch.
Sam, it doesn't matter about the shoes.
They're as comfortable as they can be.
If I have to, I can sleep in them.
Well, thanks a lot, but I prefer you bare-feet.
Now, why did you come back, and what is it you're after? What is it I'm after? I'll tell you what I'm after.
I'm after wanting a drink to warm me bones.
- For Pete's sake.
- That's what I'm after.
Hey, he's pretty cute.
Just what we need.
A funny leprechaun.
Well, what'll you have? Anything.
Anything at all, as long as it's fermented.
Whisky would be nice.
And if it's Irish, you'll get no complaint from me.
Well, Irish it is, and Irish it'll always be.
Come along, me boyo.
- Mommy! - In here, sweetheart.
Here we are.
"A potion to gain control over leprechauns.
" But, Mommy, I thought we had a rule, no witchcraft.
Yeah.
Well, that's right, sweetheart, and we only use witchcraft in extreme emergencies.
What's an emergency? Well, that's when you have to do something right away to save someone from harm.
Now, wait a minute.
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
"Potion to gain control over a leprechaun.
" To one cup of wolfs bane, add two tablespoons of maiden fern, chopped finely, add the beaten yolks of two eggs of a red-eyed Kahlua bird.
Add salt and pepper to taste.
Now, zap up one chicken with vegetables and boil in water until tender.
That's chicken soup.
"This is chicken soup, "a favourite of leprechauns.
Put potion in soup.
Serves four.
" Excuse me, honey.
I have to start cooking on all burners.
Soup's on! - Now, will you sit here? - Bless you.
That's the best-smelling chicken soup I ever smelled.
Well, I hope you like it.
Whist, now! Is that a baby's cry I hear? - I don't hear anything.
- Neither do I.
My imagination.
Sam, let's eat.
I'm starving.
Fine.
- Oh, dear.
- I'll get it.
It's amazing.
That wind came up from nowhere.
Well, let's get started, shall we? I'm anxious to get your opinion.
- Okay, dinner's over.
- What? You take those shoes off right now! - Hold on, now! - I am going to count to three.
- One! Two! - Okay, okay.
They're off.
Sam, I'm a little confused.
- What's going on? - Hold it.
- Has Larry been here yet? - Twice.
And you better get back to that drawing board - and get cracking before he shows up again.
- Not until I find out what's going on here.
Okay, out with it.
I want to know who sent you here.
I swear, I don't know the lady's name.
You are going to make a beautiful toad.
Is that all you and your mother ever think of, toads and toadstools? Sam, that tears it.
It means your mother has run out of ideas to torment me, and now she's getting outside help.
All right, me bucko.
I think it's time you returned to the old sod.
Here's your hat.
What's your hurry? All right, you useless little blabbermouth! You're free to go now.
Thank you, gracious queen.
And now, if you'll just be good enough to return me magic shillelagh, I'll be off.
Gladly.
Good-bye and good riddance, you old hag! Darrin.
I'm sorry.
I'll make it up to you.
- No, it's not your fault.
- Then Mother will make it up to you.
- It's not your mother's fault either.
- It isn't? No.
It's all my fault.
It is? It was something I said.
- What? - "I do.
" Darrin! And I'd say it all over again, in spite of your mother and leprechauns and all the craziness.
You're the greatest witch a man ever had.
Now I'd better get back to work on that slogan.
Mother? Mother? You're a stubborn witch! Mom? Mother? Mother, dear? Mother, my love? What is it now? Nothing special.
Does there have to be a reason for a daughter to want to spend a few happy moments with her mother? Samantha, you needn't be nasty about it.
Me, nasty? I sent that leprechaun for your own good.
It was a test, and I'm happy to say, you passed with flying colours.
It was a test to see where the breaking point is in this mortal marriage.
- Really? - It was sponsored by the Witches' Council.
And who suggested it to the Witches' Council? I believe the suggestion came from the floor.
All right.
I suggested it.
Okay, Mother, I have a suggestion for you.
Darrin wasted the entire day with that dumb leprechaun instead of trying to come up with a slogan for the account, and that's Larry, so would you kindly zap a good slogan for Barbour Peaches into his head? I thought Durwood had an ironclad rule against your helping him with witchcraft.
Well, I won't be doing it.
You will.
Very well.
Hey, Larry.
Come on in.
- Well, what are you drinking? - Nothing.
Louise is holding dinner for me, so let's have it.
- You mean the slogan.
- What else? You did come up with something, didn't you? Well Of course I've got the slogan.
Tell me how you love this? "Don't shave the fuzz off your peaches.
Let Barbour do it.
" Is that the best you could do? No, but I thought it was the best he could do.
Give me that again.
"Don't shave the fuzz off your peaches.
Let Barbour do it.
" You better put a spell on Larry to love it.
I love it! I don't know why I love it, but I love it.
I'll take that drink now, you son of a gun.
- And just one more thing.
- Now what? Do you know a way to put a spell on the entire peach-buying public? - Mom? - What? You're a peach.