Silicon Valley (2014) s06e90 Episode Script

1 (HBO THEME PLAYS) (CLEARS THROAT) Should I look at the (GRUNTS) camera or you? INTERVIEWER: You can just talk to me.
Can you introduce yourself? Sure.
Yeah, um Uh, my name is Richard Hendricks and I'm the My name is Richard Hendricks, and - INTERVIEWER: Just - My name is Richard Hendricks.
I'm, uh, the founder and CEO of Pied Piper.
I think like most people, I first heard about Pied Piper - at TechCrunch Disrupt.
- - Middle-out was a game changer.
- ANNOUNCER: The winner of this year is Pied Piper.
What you have to understand is, conventional compression - was like rubbing two sticks together.
- And along comes Pied Piper out of nowhere with a fricking blowtorch.
It seemed like they really had their act together.
- I thought about acquiring them, - uh, but I guess I got distracted.
INTERVIEWER: So, when did you first hear about Pied Piper? You mean when did I hear someone had first stolen - my Nucleus project? - Well we had really just started, um, a few months earlier.
And, like a bunch of other Silicon Valley companies, we were just working out of a garage.
Or a house - INTERVIEWER: Nice place? - No.
- Those early days of Pied Piper - kinda sucked.
(SIGHS) We had to clean for ourselves.
It was like a shit hole.
But there was so much shit in it, it was filled all the way up.
So, it was like level with the ground.
If that's true, there was a little meniscus in the shit, and that's where our dreams lived.
One of my favorite things is to just be napping, and then to wake up and have people around.
And that used to happen all the time when I was homeless, but (INHALES) this was like that, but with shelter.
- I think they all abided by the same rule - to like shower every other day.
So, it smelled a lot.
Uh, like BO.
And, um, you know, they didn't have money, so they they didn't have a cleaner.
Uh, and Lord knows they weren't going to clean, so there was, um, you know, a good layer of filth just on the ground.
Not the kind of house you want to take your shoes off in.
Um, and, uh, yeah, just fucking smelled.
Really bad.
- It was all right.
- Jian-Yang won the house from me in a game of chance.
He told me to pick a number between one and ten.
I picked seven, um, but it was three.
Hmm, you live you learn, now I'll always pick three.
The fucking weird thing about that house, - I never saw any chicks in that house.
- Never any.
It was all just a bunch of fucking lame dudes.
They should have been bathing in fucking she-ju like she-jizz, she-goo.
Like, fucking, like, you know like knuckle lube.
INTERVIEWER: There was one guy though, right? Oh, yeah Yeah, that guy fucked.
It was Camelot It was Narnia.
It was Waco, and Richard was our dashing, feather-haired David Koresh.
And we were his wives.
But we chose to be there.
It was kind of impressive.
How how he found different ways to fuck up.
He fucked things up over and over and over.
Yeah, I I met Richard at, uh, a talk that Peter Gregory was giving and he pitched Peter Gregory a music recognition app that was fucking awful.
Uh, and it ended up becoming Pied Piper.
So, what the fuck do I know? (ALARM BUZZES) - When people ask me about Pied Piper, - I always tell them the same thing Are there other questions? Uh, yeah, can you elaborate? Yes.
Will you? Uh hmm INTERVIEWER: So, you worked with Laurie Bream? - Mm-hmm.
- Uh, we spoke to Laurie, she actually referred to you as her best friend.
(SMACKS LIPS) Laurie Bream said that I was her best friend? INTERVIEWER: Yeah.
Oh.
(STUTTERS) Fuck, I I don't have to like go visit her now, do I? We had knocked around for a few years, trying different iterations of what we wanted to do.
It was at RussFest when things really got crazy for us.
RussFest was the rock-hard cock that jizzed Pied Piper - onto the world's tits.
- (LAUGHS) DINESH CHUGTAI: It was so much money.
It was so much money that I actually looked into how much money it would take to fill up a swimming pool so I could swim in money like Scrooge McDuck.
Not as much money as you'd think.
It would have been an all hands-on deck at Yankee Candle.
(CHUCKLES) Because I would've I would've ordered up a storm.
There were a couple Soviet submarines I had my eye on.
To me it wasn't about the money, I just wanted to, you know, be able to put it in people's faces.
Like I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving and say to my sister, like, "Oh, cool, you're the fanciest girl in Mommy and Me? Well fuck you, I'm a billionaire.
And fuck Daren too".
Such a fucking asshole, that mother fucker.
Yeah times were good.
They call it PiperNet, and it's coming to your phone.
- Tomorrow at noon, the Pied Piper app - will go live on the latest 5G-equipped iOS and Android phones in ten major cities across the country.
- AT&T says, "If things go as planned, - PiperNet could be on more than a half billion devices within a year".
And no one is more excited than technology super fans.
- Like the ones behind me - (CHEERS) - who are camping out all night to snag - a limited-edition, Pied Piper-equipped smartphone.
If their enthusiasm is anything to go by, then a lot more people may soon be lining up to pay the Piper.
(CHUCKLES) I'm Jim Gitman, KCTW.
- I am Pied Piper.
- I am Pied Piper.
- I am Pied Piper.
- I am Pied Piper.
I am Pied Piper.
We are Pied Piper! INTERVIEWER: Day of the launch, half-an-hour to go.
What, uh, what was going through your head? Yeah, I mean all All indications pointed to a successful launch.
Sorry do you have Do we have water? JARED DUNN: I mean he was the most relaxed I'd ever seen him.
He had the the cool, confident swagger of a young Montgomery Clift with none of the private sexual misery.
Well, maybe a little.
Oh, yeah, I I was sure it was gonna work right from the beginning.
It pretty sure.
Most of the time.
We were all pretty nervous.
Especially Dinesh.
He shat his pants.
I chose to not be there because to me, I never did this for the fame or the adulation, you know.
To me, it's always been about the work.
God, to be around me during that time.
I must have been so annoying.
I was just walking around chest bumping any bro I could get my chest against.
INTERVIEWER: So, uh, what do you remember about the launch? (CLICKS TONGUE) Um, there were some dogs that did some tricks, and a sports guy.
Would you say that Pied Piper is your MVP? Most valuable phone? Yeah, I would.
- (CHEERING) - He was tall, um Can't remember what sport he played.
But nice guy.
Uh, yeah, I was just trying to do everything I could not to screw it up.
(GULPS) REPORTER: In a fairy tale turned nightmare come to life, thousands of rats streamed onto the streets of San Francisco today.
Pied Piper's phones broadcasting intense, ultrasonic sounds.
REPORTER 2: News spin, we have a rat problem.
The streets of Seattle became the streets of Sea-rattle.
- And everyone was sleepless.
- Giants fans going home happy today as the Cubs go down swinging to the Holy shit.
They're calling it Rat-mageddon.
Yeah.
Except in New York, where they're calling it - Wednesday.
- (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) (CHEERING) They literally became the Pied Piper, I mean, you can't make that up.
What you have to understand is rats.
I thought I might have to start a a new division in my foundation to deal with the wave of rat-born disease.
When you think about a lot of the failures in tech, Pets.
com, Theranos, WeWork Pied Piper really is right at the top of that list.
Pied Piper is just a millstone around AT&T's neck! I say dump it, dump it now! I lost so much fucking money with those guys.
I got rat fucked.
That's a pun.
I made it all back though, sweet investment in the hair transplant sector.
What? Rats, uh yes, we have some of them here.
Figuratively.
They are dealt with.
Here's the thing about rats.
Nobody likes them.
Literally no one likes rats.
I actually prefer rats to humans if I had the choice.
I had a pet rat when I was a little kid.
I saw all the fucking rats, I was like, "Rat-up, bitches".
All these fucking chicks screaming I got laid that night.
Rats are wonderful creatures.
We used them in many experiments in the early days of Hooli.
Turns out they can withstand massive amounts of radiation with minimal damage.
I mean, they live in a lab.
What do they need whiskers and tails for anyway? They were out for cheese and wires.
They chewed through copper.
They chewed through one woman's hand.
She should've moved though, I think, I don't want to victim blame.
Do you know how they ended up getting rid of the rats? INTERVIEWER: I think they just ran away.
Where? And so, effective immediately, I am shutting down Pied Piper, deleting its code repositories and liquidating its remaining assets.
All right, that's our statement.
We will not be taking any further ques And can I just say that I am just truly, deeply sorry.
Uh, this should never have been built.
It is technically flawed to its very core.
And we should all remember that forevermore.
Sorry.
(REPORTERS CHATTERING) Obviously, Mr.
Hendricks doesn't mean that in any legally binding or actionable way.
- Get a life, guys.
- (CHATTERING CONTINUES) It's weird.
It really seemed like Pied Piper was going to work.
Something doesn't add up.
Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe how all of us felt about the failure of Pied Piper.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
All of us shocked.
Failure is terrible.
Unlike Dinesh, I'm not accustomed to it.
But I do want to clarify that I wasn't there at the launch, so the failure of Pied Piper wasn't really my fault.
INTERVIEWER: What, uh, kind of advice would you give to somebody experiencing a massive public failure? (CHUCKLES) Well I I've never failed.
So I have many advice for winners.
Um, you know my my career has been a trajectory of succeeding upwards until I tired of being at the top.
Well I was pretty embarrassed, so, I, uh I laid low for a little bit.
Uh, I traveled.
Richard and I went on a world tour to eat, pray, love.
Actually, I met, uh, Jared, in in Zurich.
We went to Zurich, we went to Amsterdam, we went to Copenhagen.
I saw him again in, uh, Madrid.
Richard and I went to a flamenco show.
I begged him to try it because I just felt that it would unlock his body.
But, um He said he wanted to stay locked.
Did not expect to see him in Thailand, but, uh, then, since he was there, we did, uh, our little Southeast Asia tour.
I felt like we were Tegan and Sara on the road together.
And, lo and behold, he was on the return flight.
It was the trip of a lifetime.
I went to Tibet, actually, to try and find Erlich.
But, uh, he was gone.
And then I came back, but no one really wanted to hire the guy behind Pied Piper.
Uh, however, my best friend did hire me.
And, now I am the Gavin Belson Professor of, uh, Ethics in Technology at Stanford University.
This is all the great people I work with.
Stanford hat.
This was when Russ Hanneman really thought we should have schwag, schwag.
The schwag.
A mug.
(PAPER RUSTLING) This is the patent Pied Piper had, middle-out.
May I be honest? There was a period of my life in which I would have rooted for the failure of Richard Hendricks.
But that was a different Gavin Belson.
That was tech icon Gavin Belson.
Not literary icon Gavin Belson.
Since leaving Hooli, I've co-authored 37 adult romance novels.
Fondly Margeaux.
The Lighthouse Dancer.
Cold Ice Cream and Hot Kisses.
Over here, The Prince of Puget Sound.
Uh, and lastly, His Hazel Glance.
All international bestsellers.
Uh, G Gavin.
Moment, please.
(SIGHS) I'm so sorry.
A moment.
- The fuck is your problem?! - You said this would be an hour.
GAVIN BELSON: Well, we're just running a little over.
MAN: Yeah, with the with the lights and the machines and the sound equipment, how is this ever gonna be an hour?! GAVIN: You're acting hysterically, all right? We'll have plenty of time to write this afternoon.
MAN: Yeah, you know what? You know what? Do your your little interview.
I'll just write the book myself.
GAVIN: If you could, you would.
But you can't.
You're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you.
MAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's what Slorian says to Claudette outside the cheese cave.
GAVIN: I forgot! - That's our third act! - MAN: Third act! Yes! - Okay, go put the kettle on.
- MAN: Yeah, I'll put the kettle.
I'm terribly sorry, I'm gonna have to cut this short.
Thank you for coming.
Ah, yes, there has been one obvious change in my life since then.
I have a niece.
Hmm.
BIG HEAD: My name is, uh, Nelson Bighetti, and I'm the president of Stamford Stanford.
At first, it was really hard to find my office 'cause it's on the second floor, but I think I have it down now.
You just go upstairs.
You graduates have a lot of responsibility finishing the important work of movements such as pound met double zero and Title ix.
But I feel sure we are in good hands, for as our motto states, "Die-live-der-frite-wet.
Freedom blows".
Wait, that can't be right.
INTERVIEWER: Remember that? "Uowis".
Oh wait, hang on.
Oh, Simon.
Yeah, I used to play this.
Let's see.
- (MACHINE BUZZES) - Ah, damn.
A little rusty.
INTERVIEWER: So, I think I know, but why did they call you Big Head? Oh yeah, just, you know, boys being boys and making fun of my my big ol' dome.
INTERVIEWER: It's not because your last name is "Bighetti"? I'm the co-founder of Newell Road's Strategic Technologies, one of the largest cyber-security firms in the Bay Area.
I am the co-founder of Newell Road's Strategic Technologies, - one of the largest cyber-security - I literally just said that.
- firms - I just said that.
- You heard me say that.
- in the Bay Area.
Things are better when I say them.
Plus, they're definitely going to edit you out.
They're not gonna use it.
Why would they use it? That has nothing to do with this.
Why don't tell 'em how you bought the house next to mine because you love me so much? Okay.
Fuck you.
How's it going, guys? Meeting time.
- We have a meeting.
- DINESH: Mandatory.
What do I do now? I, uh, I work for a nonprofit in D.
C.
It's a It's a think tank and and we just think about stuff.
INTERVIEWER: So, the NSA? (LAUGHS) The NSA? No, no, no.
Farthest thing from the NSA.
God.
NSA, that's that's a really weird question to ask.
You're not You're not gonna use this, are you? - INTERVIEWER: Maybe.
- Wh You can't u You can't have people smoking in movies, so Okay, JELL-O.
The old staple.
I'm afraid we don't have kosher shrimp.
Are Are you sure that even exists? Guys, later, we're gonna have a Joni Mitchell singalong.
In the rec room.
I love working with the elderly.
One, two It's like I get to have a bunch of parents, and also be their parent.
MARTIN: Let's go.
Hey, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Martin, Martin.
She only has eyes for you.
We were dancing as girlfriends.
That's it.
Except for Mr.
O'Keefe, who thinks I'm his late wife.
But, that's fine, too.
This fall, we actually had a herpes epidemic among the residents, which is bad medically, but from another perspective, it's kind of touching.
Okay, we're on our way to the hostel.
(SIGHS) God, I haven't been there in such a long time.
It was just an It was an incredible time of my life, you know, uh I never really thought that I would have a group of male friends.
You know, men just seem kind of mean and hard, but you know, these guys were just sweet and soft as rotten fruit.
You got your book? Prince of Puget Sound? (LAUGHS) Oh, Judy! (CHUCKLES) (TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYS) Hey, man.
- Hey, man.
- (CHUCKLES) You okay? - Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES) I haven't seen you in forever.
I saw you last weekend.
- MONICA HALL: Hi.
- DUNN: Hey.
(CHUCKLES) You look great! Is that Is that a woman's scent? No, it's unisex.
- Big Head? - Hey, Nelson.
I work a lot with people who have dementia and I just want you to know it doesn't have to be a horror show.
Oh, cool.
Well, hey.
We're all here.
- BERTRAM GILFOYLE: Let's go.
- Let's go see Jian-Yang.
- (RICHARD GRUNTS) Fine.
- You okay? Richard?! (KNOCKS) Uh (CLEARS THROAT) Hi, there.
Is, uh Is Jian-Yang here? Does he live here? We're We're old Old friends of his.
No, I'm sorry.
I bought the house years ago from his estate.
MONICA: Estate? I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Jian-Yang's dead.
Uh Okay, so he's dead.
What do we do? It's different.
But also, the same.
Hey, Gilfoyle.
That's your horrible corner.
It looks much better now.
Changed a little bit.
Fixed my hole.
- (MIMICS CRASH) - (LAUGHS) Don't do it again.
No, I wouldn't.
Obviously.
It was emotionally charged.
Look at the drapes.
That's a playful linen.
- Hi.
- STUDENT: Hey.
I used to live here.
Back when I was poor.
- Cool.
- No offense.
None taken, I guess.
- President Bighetti? - Whoa.
- How did you know my name? - I go to Stanford.
Oh, no way, I work at Stanford.
- I'm the president.
- Yeah, I know.
What are you doing here? Um, I don't know.
I think 'cause Jian-Yang died.
- I'm not sure.
- Who's that? Okay.
- My bedroom.
Yeah.
- Ah, yes.
Didn't you, uh used to wet the bed? Sweating.
Sweating.
Stress sweats.
You can get so stressed, you sweat at night.
And sometimes, you can sweat on your crotch.
So weird, we're all back here.
Except for Jian-Yang.
- Because he's dead.
- And Erlich.
Has anyone talked to Erlich? Nope.
No.
But wherever he is, I hope he hasn't blown through all that money.
He definitely has.
Yeah.
I'm sure he has.
INTERVIEWER: We're looking for Erlich Bachman.
In the other village, they said that he was here.
Is Erlich Bachman here? - (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) - He's here? He's that way? - It's up here? - (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Erlich Bachman.
So this is Erlich Bachman's house? - Erlich Bachman.
- Fantastic.
We're just here to see Erlich Bachman.
Hello.
(MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY) Hello? (MUSIC STOPS) Whoa, whoa.
Easy.
Easy.
We're friends.
Are you Erlich Bachman? JIAN-YANG: Yes, I'm Eric Bachman.
I can show you ID.
That's my face.
I was fat.
But now, I'm not fat.
INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry, this is supposed to be you? Yes, my hacker hostel was very unsuccessful.
- But, uh, Richard was okay.
- And my favorite, smartest person was Jian-Yang.
INTERVIEWER: Do you plan on coming back to America at any point? JIAN-YANG: No because everyone hates me in America.
And my best friend Jian-Yang is dead.
INTERVIEWER: How did he die? JIAN-YANG: He died helping children in Africa from the tiger.
Jian-Yang killed a tiger and the tiger killed him at the same time.
INTERVIEWER: That, um that doesn't sound like that's true.
JIAN-YANG: You're not true.
I have an idea.
- (WHISTLES) - INTERVIEWER: Okay.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm making the world a better place through an intelligent, semi-autonomous agent powered by distributed DNA-based compute that automates personal planning and scheduling.
Oh, boss.
Sounds like an atrocity.
Let's just hope you have better success than we did.
Oh, what company did you have? - Oh, here we go.
- (CHUCKLING) - Uh, Pied Piper.
- DINESH: Yeah.
I'm unfamiliar.
DINESH: Rat invasion? DUNN: We we were a big failure.
Eight-billion-dollar valuation down to zero in one day.
Is that like a social media company? DINESH: What? Pied Piper.
GILFOYLE: Are you fucking with us? Thank you guys so much for your time.
DUNN: Hey, guys.
Guess what I accidentally brought in my bag? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) Oh, no way.
- DUNN: Whoops.
- (CHUCKLING) - We know this thing.
- DINESH: Wow.
I need a beer if we're gonna do this.
DUNN: Richard, be careful.
DINESH: Now do it.
ALL: (CHANTING) Always blue! (LAUGHTER) (CHANTING CONTINUES) RICHARD HENDRICKS: Regrets? Uh no.
No, I'm I'm happy.
INTERVIEWER: You don't You don't feel bad that you never got to make the world a better place? Uh I think we did okay.
DINESH: I wouldn't change a thing.
I've learned a lot from my mistakes.
Well, they weren't my mistakes.
I've learned a lot from other people's mistakes.
I think we proved to everyone the need for less immigration from Pakistan.
The nice thing about freezing to death is you're preserved in your last moment.
And if I could live forever in the last moment of Pied Piper I'd be a happy corpse.
(SOFTLY) I I actually could, um I I still have one copy of the Pied Piper code base.
I have it on a thumb drive.
I could show it to you.
No, we won't we won't look into it, but um I just want to show it to you.
It's just got a couple things on there that I think I, honestly this is like when we were coding the best we ever were.
So, some pieces of this thing are sheer elegance.
I wish I could show it to everybody because I want to show it to my students.
Not my classmates, but other I know it was in the desk.
Okay, this is weird.
Shit.
Okay.
Where is it? It's it's orange.
It's this big, it's just a thumb drive, so have you has anyone have your crew seen it or anything? (MUTTERING) It isn't here? That's insa I have It's gotta be in the desk.
INTERVIEWER: Is it a problem? Um, no.
Not a problem.
It's just pretty fascinating.
Although if it isn't here Where is it? (HBO THEME PLAYS)