DC's Legends Of Tomorrow (2016) s07e01 Episode Script
The Bullet Blondes
1
- [EERIE MUSIC.]
- - - - I'm telling ya, I know what I saw.
- There was a dinosaur creature runnin' right through my backyard.
[CREATURE SHRIEKING.]
You don't say.
And there were glowing lights coming from the treetops.
You don't say.
And these giants orbs fell from the sky! You don't say.
Then, after I came out of hidin', they'd all disappeared.
Something ain't right.
Well, that's that.
Yeah, I'm kind of nervous.
Things rarely wrap up in a neat, little bow for us.
Come on, babe, don't be paranoid.
Life, it's gonna start going our way.
[EXPLOSION.]
ALL: Whoa! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
What the hell? [EXCITING MUSIC.]
What the hell happened? Did that look like another Waverider to you guys? Why is someone trying to kill us? There must be hundreds of reasons why someone would want to kill us.
Well, we're not gonna let 'em get away with it, are we? I say we portal back in time and on to that rogue Waverider and make them pay.
That is a perfect plan.
Now let's go gear up, 'cause we're gonna storm that ship and save our Waverider.
Remember, when we get on that ship, stealth is our friend.
Silent takedown.
Got it.
Wake me when the firefight starts.
You guys take out the crew, and Behrad and I'll take control of the ship.
Nate, let's do this.
Here we go.
[ELECTRIC ZAPPING.]
It's out of juice.
- What? - Every time with those things.
Wait, no time couriers, no Waverider we're stuck in 1925.
- [ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
- Everybody just calm down.
We just need a little time, and we'll think of a plan.
Well, we definitely don't belong in this time period.
We need to avoid any unwanted attention from the locals.
[KNOCKING.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Afternoon, ma'am.
Name's Pastor Hanson.
Is Gloria home? Yeah, she's not here right now.
Oh.
I just heard this, uh, loud explosion over yonder, and I wanted to make sure everything's all right.
[FAKE COUGHING.]
Flash him.
What? Oh! Well, you know, there's all sorts of strange things happening in Odessa.
Everyone in town has seen these bizarre lights in the sky and strange lizard creatures in their backyard.
Yeah, well, nothing strange around here.
Flash him.
It's out of battery.
I don't Say, are those claw marks? Yeah, I I'll tell Gloria you stopped by.
Goodbye now.
Hoo! So much for laying low.
So town's already buzzing with conspiracy theories after the Zaguron invasion you guys, if we stay here, - it could get really bad.
- It's gonna be okay.
And now that we have no timeship, we are just a bunch of weirdos with truly random superpowers.
And John, the one person with a useful ability, is gone, so Well, hey, I was his student.
I mean, I'm not a master sorcerer yet, but maybe I could What, turn the townspeople into household objects? - Come on.
- Too bad we don't have the Time Bureau timeship or it would have that fail-safe.
Gary, you're a genius.
The last time the Waverider was impounded, I had a fail-safe installed.
- And fail-safes are? - T-they're indestructible lockboxes filled with emergency supplies, like a time courier or a mind flasher.
Breath mints, if we're lucky! You realize the blast could've sent that thing flying anywhere on Gloria's property, right? So, we will split up so we can find this damn thing and get the hell out of here.
Now, let's go.
Come on! How you holding up, Z? If you want to talk, I'm here to listen.
I know a thing or two about getting dumped.
I was not dumped.
It was a mutual mucking up of things.
I am, however, annoyed that John poofed his way out of 1925 without making sure the rest of us were okay first.
To be fair, when he left, we still had a working time machine.
Defending him is not listening.
Right, sorry.
Continue.
I just can't believe, after everything we went through together, all he left me with was this.
Ooh, freaky old key.
- Yeah.
- What's it for? All he said was, "You'll find out", with his trademark dramatic delivery.
In hindsight, I probably should've gotten - a little more clarification.
- Probably.
Whatever! I'm just gonna do what I always do in these situations.
I need a makeover.
No, no, no, not a makeover.
I need a reinvention.
Like Madonna.
I think there's a headpiece.
[SIGHS.]
Wandering through the woods.
Why am I not surprised this is our honeymoon? I know, babe, but as soon as we find the safe, we can get out of here, all right? Yeah, well I'm way out of my comfort zone.
- Which is? - The Waverider.
- BOTH: Lists.
- Rules.
Don't Well, mine is improvising, so together, we are unstoppable.
Come on.
Based on the blast radius, we're basically looking for a needle in a haystack.
Look, I can track animals and people, but random futuristic safes, not my bag.
All right, so what you got? Any magical cheats to find this thing? Yeah, I think I can remember John's tracking spell.
Hmm.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Adiuva nos invenire aliquid.
[MAGICAL WHIRRING.]
Hey, not bad.
[MYSTICAL MUSIC.]
I think someone moved it.
That's not good.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Where did you find it, anyway? Amongst them bushes at the edge of Gloria Cruz's property.
Okay, the good news, we found the Waverider's safe.
- Oh! - Yeah, bad news, it's at the Sheriff's station.
Pastor found it nearby and turned it in.
That guy will come poking around again now that he's even more suspicious of your mom.
Yeah, and other neighbors could get nosy and discover the remains of the Waverider, which would be disastrous for the timeline.
We just need to buy ourselves some time so we can - come up with another plan.
- How? We need to go on the defensive.
Right, and keep the heat off of Gloria and this property.
And how are we supposed to do that? If we don't have time travel or mind flashers? [GASPS.]
Rule 44.
- Rule 44.
- Yeah.
- I love Rule 44! - Yeah! What's Rule 44? Uh, it's from our Time Bureau training.
The intent of Rule 44 is to create a diversion, a cover story, when things go sideways on a mission.
Specifically, Rule 44 states that our cover story must be a circus.
That is oddly specific.
We talking Cirque? Sideshow? Straight up three-ring affair? No, research shows that the general public is willing to accept the bizarreness of any kind of circus without question.
So we have to put on a circus? What? No, we he's not listening.
We just have to make them think we're in a circus to allay their suspicions.
[GASPS.]
Group makeovers.
Yes, I love it.
I'm gonna reinvent each of you as performers.
Friends, you're in excellent hands.
Well, you heard her, let's circus up, eh? Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Good, 'cause I need your magic to help fix my mom's porch.
- Sure.
- Hey, Nate, while we are playing defense as a circus, you will be playing offense.
Time to use your superpower.
So, you want me to turn to steel and knock around some skulls? No, your other superpower.
You are a white man in 1925.
You go sweet talk that sheriff and get him to give you the safe.
- Ava will go with you.
- What? No.
All right, come on, Gary.
Those period costumes aren't gonna sew themselves.
[PLAYFUL OLD-TIMEY MUSIC.]
[COUGHS.]
Okay.
Yes.
Tie.
Button, please.
Mm, voilà .
My mom's not gonna be happy when she sees what we've done to her stuff.
Sorry, it's desperate times.
Oh! Nate borrowed your dead dad's suit.
Hope that's okay.
He better not ruin it.
Good afternoon, Odessa! Come one, come all! I know you have seen and heard some peculiar things lately.
Well, I am here to assure you that it is just business as usual for us.
Why, you ask? Because my compatriots and I, we are members of the Guggenheim Circus.
[APPLAUSE.]
You know, it's actually a very good fit.
Hey, do I look like a grandma? - Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- You the sheriff? - Yes, sir.
I was just finishing up some paperwork.
How can I help you? My name's John Edgar Hoover.
I'm the newly appointed director of the Bureau of Investigation in Washington, D.
C.
This is my trusted secretary, Ms.
Gandy.
You seem different in real life.
You probably saw an old photo.
I've been cocktailing my hair products.
But that's neither here or there.
Now listen up, Sheriff.
We're here to talk to you about a very important matter.
There are so many exciting things to see at our circus.
For example, exotic animals.
My cohort and I, we are animal handlers from a land far, far, far away.
And of course, what circus would be complete without a little fire? Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
That's hot, that's hot.
Ah.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, don't be alarmed, but several of our creatures escaped their confinements last night.
You may have, uh, heard some explosions or seen some mysterious lights yesterday.
That was just me, testing out some, uh, displays.
True story, so if you saw something yesterday that looked like a dinosaur, for example, it was actually a Komodo dragon, which is just a big, smelly lizard, despite it's terrifying appellation.
Pastor Hanson found this strange box over by Gloria Cruz's property.
I thought maybe it belonged to her, since she's foreign and all.
Oh, well, we can tell you for sure that it's not hers, sir, but it is very dangerous.
Say, how did you boys in Washington learn about the safe so quickly? The pastor only found it this morning.
[SCOFFS.]
I mean, if I told you all of our nation's secrets, they wouldn't be secrets anymore, would they? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Yes.
And who knows, there may even be a commendation for you from President Warren G.
Harding, once the case is declassified, you know.
I believe she means Calvin Coolidge, 'cause Mr.
Harding is dead.
People always get their interwar presidents mixed up.
I need you to focus.
Are you ready to do the right thing by your country? Mister, mister, tell us when the circus is.
I want to go.
When is it, you ask? Like, uh, exactly what time? You told them what? I'm sorry, Sara, I just panicked.
I didn't mean to invite the whole town over tonight.
Just take a breath, Gary.
We'll figure something else out.
Okay, wait, you're saying people are coming here for an actual circus? [OVERLAPPING TALKING.]
Gary! All right, all right, everyone! Just calm down.
Everything's gonna be fine once we open the safe.
Ah! That's right.
When the whole town comes over, we flash the hell out of 'em, and then we time courier our butts out of here! - Yes! All right.
- Classic.
Classic.
That's right, another successful Legend missions in the books! Ugh, it feels so good to be back on track.
All right.
- [WHIRRING.]
- Hm? There's no time courier.
There's a note.
"Taking courier, beer run.
Rory".
- Classic.
- What? There's no couriers, there's no flashers.
There's no At least there's a Time Bureau manual.
And gummy bears.
That's where I stashed my emergency supply.
So that's it.
Just a book and some gummies.
- No couriers.
- No flashers.
- No mini-Gideon.
- No breath mints.
Hey, look, it's okay.
You guys, it's gonna be okay.
Look, as long as the town keeps buying our cover story, then we'll come up with plan B.
It's gonna be great.
That fella wasn't Mr.
Hoover at all! Hair products, my foot.
Is this the Bureau of Investigation? This is Sheriff Thomas Wood of Odessa, Texas.
I've got a situation down here you ought to know about.
Wow, so we're really doing this? We're living in 1925 for a spell.
1925 is a total hayseed year.
These people are covered in sunspots.
Microdermabrasion, still decades away.
Main thing I know about the '20s is that they invented a lot of dance moves.
Maybe we should get out of this small town - and find the parties - No, no, no, no, no, no! No, that goes against Rule 23, which states that in order to limit potential damage to the timeline, marooned time travelers should stay in one one location.
Okay, then we will stay put.
All right? We'll figure it out.
First things first, we got the whole town coming over tonight, and they are expecting a circus.
We have to put on a show to protect our cover.
If there is no circus, they may inadvertently - see the Waverider wreckage - Whoa! Which violates, like, half of this manual.
- That cannot happen.
- Okay, well, I just hope that we get this done before Mami! - You're early! - ALL: Hi! It looks like the humans won the War of the Worlds.
We're all still here.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mija, tell me, why are people in town asking about a circus on my property? We need to talk.
Are those my curtains? - Is that Celso's suit? - Yes.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
I don't see how this circus act gets us any closer to getting out of here.
This is just triage, Astra.
Dealing with the problem at hand.
Without the Waverider, we don't have a lot of options.
So if we are to convince these town people that we are actually a circus, we need to practice.
Let's go.
Want those juggling skills on point! - You juggle, right? - Is it that obvious? They need to distract everyone from seeing the remains of the timeship, which blew up.
After the aliens attacked the house, and we were saved by space mushroom [SIGHS.]
Look, mija, I'm already on thin ice here.
It's not easy for these people to accept a magical hero from another land living in their town.
But I trust you.
And if I am ostracized or arrested, then so be it, I'll deal with it.
Because you're my daughter, and I would do anything for you.
[EXCITING CIRCUS MUSIC.]
Looking good, looking good.
I'm sorry, guys.
I'm pulling the plug on this circus.
What? What's wrong? Look, what's wrong is that this circus is going to bring a lot of unwanted attention to my mom, and she already feels persecuted.
This isn't just about us anymore.
Every time we try to fix something, we just dig a bigger hole, and my mom is going to be the one stuck paying for it.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Look, we're sorry, Spooner.
You're right.
This isn't just about us.
We'll get out of town and we'll figure something else out.
No more circus, no more commotion.
Thank you.
Where's Astra? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Surge a mortuis.
- What are you doing? - What does it look like I'm doing? Well, it looks like you're trying to fix the ship using John's resurrection spell, but that would be stupid, because it's for humans, not for timeships.
If John were here, this is exactly what he would do.
Now shut up and let me concentrate.
You might want to stand back.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
- Sheriff Thomas Wood? - In the flesh.
You called the office in D.
C.
about someone impersonating a federal agent, namely me.
J.
Edgar Hoover.
Luckily, we were just down the way in Midland, so I thought I'd pay you a visit myself.
Welcome to Odessa.
I can't believe the top lawman in the country is standing in my very own station.
Again! The real one this time.
Now, tell me more about this scoundrel.
Surge a mortuis.
[MAGICAL WHOOSHING.]
Surge a mortuis! [METAL CLANKING.]
Is she doing what I think she's doing? Whatever it is, it's pretty cool.
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC.]
It's likely that this imposter is a member of the Midland Robbery Gang, an outfit we've been tracking for some time.
- Bank robbers.
- That's right.
And you just handed that degenerate a brand new safe to crack.
Now, which way did he go? Hell's bells, he could be anywhere by now.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Astra? Maybe you should stop.
You know, 'cause of the blood? If John could do this, I can do this.
Damn it, Astra, stop it! Multi facti sunt [ELECTRIC ZAPPING.]
Astra! [EXPLOSION.]
[DISTANT RUMBLING.]
Well, Sheriff, I reckon I know just where this imposter is trying to blow open that safe.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[GROANS QUIETLY.]
Ow.
Mm.
I feel like I was run over by a bus.
Ow.
And since isn't the med bay, I'm guessing my spell didn't resurrect the Waverider.
No, it didn't.
What were you thinking? Hey, a little sympathy? I got injured trying to help you.
By creating another huge spectacle at my mom's house.
Not what she needs right now.
I was the only one doing anything to get this clown show out of Texas.
Think it through next time.
No offense, but your mom lives in the boonies.
I doubt anyone noticed.
[CAR ENGINE APPROACHING.]
Someone did.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Guys, it's J.
Edgar Hoover.
The real one.
He's gonna want to know who we are.
So, we are doing the circus! No, no! Esperanza and I, we will talk to the men.
Astra has to stay in bed, but the rest of you cannot be here.
- Okay, um - Go, hide! It's too open concept in here to hide! Bedroom, bedroom.
Go, go.
Go, go, go.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Evening, ladies.
J.
Edgar Hoover, Bureau of Investigation.
Which one of you is Gloria Cruz? I am.
How can I help you, sir? I've heard about some bank robbers in the area.
Unsavory fellas.
Just checking to make sure you're safe.
Oh, well, no bank robbers.
Just enjoying a quiet afternoon.
If you don't mind, I was talking to the owner of the property in question.
- I don't think it's working.
- Why not? - Shh.
- Try the closet.
- It's locked.
- Zari, the key.
John said we'd find out what it's for.
Maybe it's this.
Okay.
Fine.
[GASPS.]
No! [WHOOSHING.]
I think we'll have a look around.
Just to be sure.
I have a patient in there.
She's recuperating.
[FLOORBOARDS CREAK.]
Go, go.
Just go, go, go.
Where are we? The Mansion? Hey.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
So if we're in the Mansion, does that mean it's present-day? Did we make it out of 1925? No, and yes.
But we're not in any year at all.
Gary.
This isn't really the Mansion.
It's a pocket dimension that John made for himself.
John wanted a place where he could be all alone, so he he conjured it.
So, if we go out the front door [FLAMES WHOOSHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Is this a pocket dimension in Hell, Gary? I'd recommend only exiting through the door we came in.
Why would John give me this place? Is it possible that man is so conceited he thinks I need an alternate dimension to get over him? I don't know everything about John, but I know he loved you.
Maybe he just thought you could use a nice, quiet place to be alone, out of the spotlight for once? Out of the spotlight? B, I thrive in the spotlight.
It's where I'm most me.
You're acting like I need to find myself, but I'm not hiding.
It [GROANS.]
There's an answer in here somewhere.
It's just a book of rules, babe.
Rules we should be following, okay? We almost ruined Gloria's life, and we almost interacted with Hoover, which means we almost changed history.
Yeah, but we didn't, huh? Just Babe.
Hey, will you look at me? I know it feels like the walls are closing in, - but we will figure this out.
- You keep saying that.
Okay, Sara? But we're getting sloppy.
And without memory flashers or time couriers or Gideon to guide us, we are lost, okay? And you really think that manual will help? Probably not, but I just I need to.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You keep reading.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
I have reason to suspect that the Midland Robbery Gang are holed up around here.
Sheriff Wood said one of the gang members got ahold of a peculiar safe that was in his possession.
Mind if we search your property, ma'am? Does it really matter if I say yes or no? Smart woman.
Okay, I overheard Hoover leaving.
All right, guys, let's go! Hey, you coming? Actually, I think I'm gonna just stay for a little bit.
Oh, good for you, sis.
And in case you feel like slowing things down a little What does that mean? Oh, brother.
[MAGICAL WHIRRING.]
Come on.
- Whoo! - You're back.
How did Hoover not see you guys? Oh, we just hopped over to another plane of existence where space and time don't function normally.
- No big whoop.
- You know, we could just hide out in the Mansion.
We'd be out of Gloria's way.
Hiding isn't gonna get us back to our timeline or help us figure out who blew up our ship.
- So, where do we go? - New York City.
Guys, the manual mentions an obscure scientist who laid the foundation for all of time travel, a guy named Dr.
Gwynn Davies.
He's alive right now, in 1925, and he lives in New York.
- That could work.
- Right? And you're okay if we leave here? I guess, as long as we have a plan.
Good, because y'all gotta go.
I mean, J.
Edgar Hoover's suspicious of my mom.
Thinks she's harboring some bank robbers, the Midland Gang or something.
Hoover's indefatigable.
He's a bloodhound.
He won't let go of our scent until he's won.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Then let's give him what he wants.
Make him think he was right.
We will be the bank robbers.
We'll lead him out of Texas, away from Gloria, and all the while, making our way to New York City.
Bank robbers were a big deal in the 1920s.
And we'd certainly grab his attention.
Yeah, and all we have to do is rob some banks.
I mean, yes, please Can I just have a word with you for a minute? You want to go on a crime spree? I mean, I don't even like the idea of leaving this house, but since we have to listen to me, we need to make very small footprints.
And remember, we don't even have our equipment.
- What if somebody - Babe, look, you're right.
And I'm scared too.
But I believe in us, and I believe in our team.
We're more than time travel and superpowers and gadgets and manuals.
We are the Legends, and we can pull this off.
I know we can.
And as soon as we can time travel again, we'll go and fix all the changes that we made.
You can make a you can make a list of timeline IOUs.
You love lists.
And then we will cross them off, every single one.
- Every single one.
- Every single one.
Hmm? Mm! Fine.
All right, crime spree it is.
But just until we can time travel again.
I'd like to stay here with my mom for a bit.
Astra should say too, until she's fully recovered.
Okay, we'll just pick you guys up after we help invent time travel.
Guys.
Hoover's back.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Y'all are gonna get my mom arrested.
Gloria! Do you have any rope? [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Gloria Cruz, you've been withholding information.
It's the Midland Gang.
They just left.
They forced us to cooperate! They said they were going to kill us.
[CAR ENGINE STARTS.]
Come on, babe, let's go! - Hurry, Sara! - I'm coming, hold on! - Let's go, let's go, let's go! - Get in the car! Come on, Nate! Come on, come on, get on! - See ya later, J.
Edgar! - Whoo! Should've peed before we left Gloria's.
[SUAVE MUSIC.]
Hmm.
Sorry.
[GUNSHOT.]
Hit the floor, boys, this is a robbery.
Not our first rodeo.
Whoa, sorry, little lady.
Uh, bank's closed.
Little lady? Who do you think you are? Why are your teeth so pretty? Fluoride.
Now, you heard me.
Go on, get.
Get! This is a robbery.
I know robberies.
You're running crowd control.
Ya heard the lady.
Get on the ground.
And you, I want you to go to the safe and get me $93.
65.
Okay, okay.
- 93 - Yeah.
I did the calculation, babe.
It's all we need to get to New York City.
Small footprints, you promised.
- And give me the money! - Well, actually, I have enough here in the till.
No need to open the safe.
All right, look.
We weren't gonna say anything till after the robbery, but come here.
[WHISPERING.]
We're the Midland Gang.
- No, way! - Yeah.
I love the Midland Gang! Huge fan.
[GUNSHOT.]
I said get all the way down on the ground, boys.
Ava keeps shooting the ceiling.
She hates ceilings.
Two women? There's no women in the Midland Gang.
You can steal money from a bank, fine.
But you don't steal somebody's gang name! All right, lady, look, we don't have a gang name.
- Okay? - Well, gotta have a gang name.
It's patriotic.
Oh, oh, what about the Legends of Tomorrow? Uh, it's wordy.
It is.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! The Bullet Blondes.
Well, it's not just Sara and Ava.
We're in the gang too.
They're doing all the heavy lifting.
Bullet Blondes.
Damn it, B, it is catchy.
- Hmm, the Bullet Blondes.
- The Bullet Blondes.
The Bullet Blondes.
This robbery is the work of the Bullet Blondes! The Bullet Blondes! You gotta be kidding me.
Now, y'all gonna put your heads down and count to 100, and pretend you never saw us.
- Yeah! - Yeah.
Ooh, wait, wait, and, um, go about your lives like none of this ever happened, completing any historically significant events you might otherwise have done.
Let's go.
Make way for the Bullet Blondes! Whoo, the Bullet Blondes! Whoo-hoo! Thank you all for you cooperation! Sorry about the guns! The Bullet Blondes! Bullet Blondes! The Bullet Blondes, I like it.
Have to admit you were right, babe.
That went off without a hitch.
Guess we're the Bullet Blondes now.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Come on, Gary, let's go! [EXCITING MUSIC.]
Whoo! $93.
65 never felt so sweet.
I don't think that's gonna change history, but I am gonna write it down on our to-do ledger, just to be sure that it doesn't.
Hopefully Hoover is on our scent.
He's gonna follow us out of town, away from Gloria's house.
Next stop, New York City.
- Whoo! - Uh-oh.
Guys, something's up ahead.
What he already roadblocked us? Damn, that Hoover works fast.
He's indefatigable.
It's over, Bullet Blondes.
Get out of the car and put your hands on the ground.
- Gun it.
- What? Are you sure? I bet he's a pretty good aim with that gun.
That's a good point.
Nate, get behind the wheel in case he opens fire.
Come on, Gary, Let's go, come on, let's go.
- Go, Gary.
- [STRUGGLING.]
Feet out of my face.
- [EXHALES.]
- Oh, God, oh, God.
- All right, let's do it.
- Everyone else, get down, get down, get down.
I said small footprints, Sara.
Don't worry about it, babe.
We'll fix everything, I promise.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[GUNFIRE.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
[BULLETS RICOCHETING.]
Whoo! Yeah! We made it! - [THUMPING.]
- Did you guys hear something? Yeah.
[BREATHLESS.]
Oh! It's a fan - What? - It's a fabbable.
- What are you trying to say? - Something about bubbles.
- Indefatigable! - What? [ALL SCREAM.]
[BRAKES SQUEAL.]
[GRUNTING.]
Oh, my - what did you do? - I don't know.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
This is not happening.
This is not happening! Hoover can't die.
Hoover Hoover can't die! - [GRUNTS.]
- Oh! Oh, my God.
Thank God, he's alive.
Indefatigable.
[MUMBLING.]
What? What'd he say? What'd he say? - I don't know.
- What'd you say? I said [WHEEZES.]
"I never miss twice".
[GUNSHOT.]
- Ah! - Oh! I killed J.
Edgar Hoover.
I killed J.
Edgar Hoover! I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
That was that was - Sara, I am sorry.
- I know, I know.
He's, uh, very important to the timeline.
The timeline? The timeline is ruined.
History is ruined, and we don't even have Gideon here to tell us how badly we've ruined it.
That's it.
I want to die.
Goodbye.
I give up.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
- Goodbye! - Babe? Did we break Ava? Hey, hey, babe, you okay? - No.
- Yeah, you're okay.
Look, I know I talked you into this plan, and it has admittedly gone sideways.
But we are we're pretty committed, okay? So we gotta see this one through.
- I can't - Yes, you can, and then when we get back to 2021, we are gonna go on a real honeymoon.
It'll be on the beach, we'll walk hand-in-hand.
We'll we'll listen to one of your Stabcast podcasts and watch the sunset.
It'll be like Stabcast.
[GASPS.]
That's it.
There are no witnesses.
We're lucky.
We gotta hit the road, fast.
But first, we gotta get rid of the body.
- Ava? - Gary, that's your job.
Lose the glasses.
Oh! You want me to eat one of the most important figures of the 20th century? We gotta get to New York, and we gotta there fast.
We gotta find this Gwynn Davies without messing up the timeline any more, and the first thing to do is to eat this body.
What has gotten into you? I have been reading true crime stories my entire life.
This is my time to shine.
Shut up and eat up, Gary.
You're in the Bullet Blondes now.
I'm a Bullet Blonde? I swear I take no pleasure in this.
Beyond just the taste of human meat, which as you know, I find quite delicious.
Do it, Gary.
[GRUMBLING.]
Astra, you're up.
Yeah, thought I'd make myself useful.
That's very sweet.
You're capable of so much more than picking vegetables.
I have just recovered.
You have a terrible bedside manner.
Tell me, what did you do to hurt yourself so much? I tried to perform a spell that I wasn't ready for, and it nearly destroyed me.
My former mentor would be so disappointed if he were here right now, saying I have to be willing to walk alone and risk it all if I want to succeed.
You know, my mother was a great healer.
She taught me everything that she knew.
But I was terrible at it.
It wasn't until I was able to cast off her training, start fresh in a way that reflected who I am, that I truly became a healer myself.
Yeah, but walk alone, sacrifice yourself, that's what magic is about.
Your mentor taught you how he did magic, yeah? But you're not him.
R.
I.
P.
So you're just gonna bury the pieces of the Waverider? Well, it ain't gonna bury itself.
I'm gonna miss the old girl.
Really? Astra Logue getting sentimental.
Look, I'm sorry I brought the cops to your mom's place.
I don't blame you for being pissed about it.
No, I get it.
You were trying to help.
I wasn't just trying to help you, though.
I was trying to prove myself to replace John.
I just wanted to show everyone that I was worthy, which I guess I'm not.
John? We don't need another John.
We need you.
Astra, I wasn't mad about the cops.
I wasn't happy about them, but I was upset that you almost died.
I like having you around.
You're like my best friend.
No one's ever said that to me.
But you're mine too.
Good.
And if anything goes wrong, we'll handle it.
I got your back.
You know, it's too bad.
I almost finished that spell.
You didn't finish it? No, it was too much for me.
I bet John would've finished it.
Unum.
That was the last word.
Unum? Sounds mysterious.
Wish Gideon was here to make us a nice steak.
Steak? Okay, I wish Gideon was here to make us a drink.
- BOTH: Mezcal.
- Eh? [WHOOSHING.]
Who the hell is that? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Ay, dios mio.
BOTH: Gideon?
- - - - I'm telling ya, I know what I saw.
- There was a dinosaur creature runnin' right through my backyard.
[CREATURE SHRIEKING.]
You don't say.
And there were glowing lights coming from the treetops.
You don't say.
And these giants orbs fell from the sky! You don't say.
Then, after I came out of hidin', they'd all disappeared.
Something ain't right.
Well, that's that.
Yeah, I'm kind of nervous.
Things rarely wrap up in a neat, little bow for us.
Come on, babe, don't be paranoid.
Life, it's gonna start going our way.
[EXPLOSION.]
ALL: Whoa! [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
What the hell? [EXCITING MUSIC.]
What the hell happened? Did that look like another Waverider to you guys? Why is someone trying to kill us? There must be hundreds of reasons why someone would want to kill us.
Well, we're not gonna let 'em get away with it, are we? I say we portal back in time and on to that rogue Waverider and make them pay.
That is a perfect plan.
Now let's go gear up, 'cause we're gonna storm that ship and save our Waverider.
Remember, when we get on that ship, stealth is our friend.
Silent takedown.
Got it.
Wake me when the firefight starts.
You guys take out the crew, and Behrad and I'll take control of the ship.
Nate, let's do this.
Here we go.
[ELECTRIC ZAPPING.]
It's out of juice.
- What? - Every time with those things.
Wait, no time couriers, no Waverider we're stuck in 1925.
- [ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
- Everybody just calm down.
We just need a little time, and we'll think of a plan.
Well, we definitely don't belong in this time period.
We need to avoid any unwanted attention from the locals.
[KNOCKING.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Afternoon, ma'am.
Name's Pastor Hanson.
Is Gloria home? Yeah, she's not here right now.
Oh.
I just heard this, uh, loud explosion over yonder, and I wanted to make sure everything's all right.
[FAKE COUGHING.]
Flash him.
What? Oh! Well, you know, there's all sorts of strange things happening in Odessa.
Everyone in town has seen these bizarre lights in the sky and strange lizard creatures in their backyard.
Yeah, well, nothing strange around here.
Flash him.
It's out of battery.
I don't Say, are those claw marks? Yeah, I I'll tell Gloria you stopped by.
Goodbye now.
Hoo! So much for laying low.
So town's already buzzing with conspiracy theories after the Zaguron invasion you guys, if we stay here, - it could get really bad.
- It's gonna be okay.
And now that we have no timeship, we are just a bunch of weirdos with truly random superpowers.
And John, the one person with a useful ability, is gone, so Well, hey, I was his student.
I mean, I'm not a master sorcerer yet, but maybe I could What, turn the townspeople into household objects? - Come on.
- Too bad we don't have the Time Bureau timeship or it would have that fail-safe.
Gary, you're a genius.
The last time the Waverider was impounded, I had a fail-safe installed.
- And fail-safes are? - T-they're indestructible lockboxes filled with emergency supplies, like a time courier or a mind flasher.
Breath mints, if we're lucky! You realize the blast could've sent that thing flying anywhere on Gloria's property, right? So, we will split up so we can find this damn thing and get the hell out of here.
Now, let's go.
Come on! How you holding up, Z? If you want to talk, I'm here to listen.
I know a thing or two about getting dumped.
I was not dumped.
It was a mutual mucking up of things.
I am, however, annoyed that John poofed his way out of 1925 without making sure the rest of us were okay first.
To be fair, when he left, we still had a working time machine.
Defending him is not listening.
Right, sorry.
Continue.
I just can't believe, after everything we went through together, all he left me with was this.
Ooh, freaky old key.
- Yeah.
- What's it for? All he said was, "You'll find out", with his trademark dramatic delivery.
In hindsight, I probably should've gotten - a little more clarification.
- Probably.
Whatever! I'm just gonna do what I always do in these situations.
I need a makeover.
No, no, no, not a makeover.
I need a reinvention.
Like Madonna.
I think there's a headpiece.
[SIGHS.]
Wandering through the woods.
Why am I not surprised this is our honeymoon? I know, babe, but as soon as we find the safe, we can get out of here, all right? Yeah, well I'm way out of my comfort zone.
- Which is? - The Waverider.
- BOTH: Lists.
- Rules.
Don't Well, mine is improvising, so together, we are unstoppable.
Come on.
Based on the blast radius, we're basically looking for a needle in a haystack.
Look, I can track animals and people, but random futuristic safes, not my bag.
All right, so what you got? Any magical cheats to find this thing? Yeah, I think I can remember John's tracking spell.
Hmm.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Adiuva nos invenire aliquid.
[MAGICAL WHIRRING.]
Hey, not bad.
[MYSTICAL MUSIC.]
I think someone moved it.
That's not good.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Where did you find it, anyway? Amongst them bushes at the edge of Gloria Cruz's property.
Okay, the good news, we found the Waverider's safe.
- Oh! - Yeah, bad news, it's at the Sheriff's station.
Pastor found it nearby and turned it in.
That guy will come poking around again now that he's even more suspicious of your mom.
Yeah, and other neighbors could get nosy and discover the remains of the Waverider, which would be disastrous for the timeline.
We just need to buy ourselves some time so we can - come up with another plan.
- How? We need to go on the defensive.
Right, and keep the heat off of Gloria and this property.
And how are we supposed to do that? If we don't have time travel or mind flashers? [GASPS.]
Rule 44.
- Rule 44.
- Yeah.
- I love Rule 44! - Yeah! What's Rule 44? Uh, it's from our Time Bureau training.
The intent of Rule 44 is to create a diversion, a cover story, when things go sideways on a mission.
Specifically, Rule 44 states that our cover story must be a circus.
That is oddly specific.
We talking Cirque? Sideshow? Straight up three-ring affair? No, research shows that the general public is willing to accept the bizarreness of any kind of circus without question.
So we have to put on a circus? What? No, we he's not listening.
We just have to make them think we're in a circus to allay their suspicions.
[GASPS.]
Group makeovers.
Yes, I love it.
I'm gonna reinvent each of you as performers.
Friends, you're in excellent hands.
Well, you heard her, let's circus up, eh? Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Good, 'cause I need your magic to help fix my mom's porch.
- Sure.
- Hey, Nate, while we are playing defense as a circus, you will be playing offense.
Time to use your superpower.
So, you want me to turn to steel and knock around some skulls? No, your other superpower.
You are a white man in 1925.
You go sweet talk that sheriff and get him to give you the safe.
- Ava will go with you.
- What? No.
All right, come on, Gary.
Those period costumes aren't gonna sew themselves.
[PLAYFUL OLD-TIMEY MUSIC.]
[COUGHS.]
Okay.
Yes.
Tie.
Button, please.
Mm, voilà .
My mom's not gonna be happy when she sees what we've done to her stuff.
Sorry, it's desperate times.
Oh! Nate borrowed your dead dad's suit.
Hope that's okay.
He better not ruin it.
Good afternoon, Odessa! Come one, come all! I know you have seen and heard some peculiar things lately.
Well, I am here to assure you that it is just business as usual for us.
Why, you ask? Because my compatriots and I, we are members of the Guggenheim Circus.
[APPLAUSE.]
You know, it's actually a very good fit.
Hey, do I look like a grandma? - Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- You the sheriff? - Yes, sir.
I was just finishing up some paperwork.
How can I help you? My name's John Edgar Hoover.
I'm the newly appointed director of the Bureau of Investigation in Washington, D.
C.
This is my trusted secretary, Ms.
Gandy.
You seem different in real life.
You probably saw an old photo.
I've been cocktailing my hair products.
But that's neither here or there.
Now listen up, Sheriff.
We're here to talk to you about a very important matter.
There are so many exciting things to see at our circus.
For example, exotic animals.
My cohort and I, we are animal handlers from a land far, far, far away.
And of course, what circus would be complete without a little fire? Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
That's hot, that's hot.
Ah.
[LAUGHS.]
Now, don't be alarmed, but several of our creatures escaped their confinements last night.
You may have, uh, heard some explosions or seen some mysterious lights yesterday.
That was just me, testing out some, uh, displays.
True story, so if you saw something yesterday that looked like a dinosaur, for example, it was actually a Komodo dragon, which is just a big, smelly lizard, despite it's terrifying appellation.
Pastor Hanson found this strange box over by Gloria Cruz's property.
I thought maybe it belonged to her, since she's foreign and all.
Oh, well, we can tell you for sure that it's not hers, sir, but it is very dangerous.
Say, how did you boys in Washington learn about the safe so quickly? The pastor only found it this morning.
[SCOFFS.]
I mean, if I told you all of our nation's secrets, they wouldn't be secrets anymore, would they? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Yes.
And who knows, there may even be a commendation for you from President Warren G.
Harding, once the case is declassified, you know.
I believe she means Calvin Coolidge, 'cause Mr.
Harding is dead.
People always get their interwar presidents mixed up.
I need you to focus.
Are you ready to do the right thing by your country? Mister, mister, tell us when the circus is.
I want to go.
When is it, you ask? Like, uh, exactly what time? You told them what? I'm sorry, Sara, I just panicked.
I didn't mean to invite the whole town over tonight.
Just take a breath, Gary.
We'll figure something else out.
Okay, wait, you're saying people are coming here for an actual circus? [OVERLAPPING TALKING.]
Gary! All right, all right, everyone! Just calm down.
Everything's gonna be fine once we open the safe.
Ah! That's right.
When the whole town comes over, we flash the hell out of 'em, and then we time courier our butts out of here! - Yes! All right.
- Classic.
Classic.
That's right, another successful Legend missions in the books! Ugh, it feels so good to be back on track.
All right.
- [WHIRRING.]
- Hm? There's no time courier.
There's a note.
"Taking courier, beer run.
Rory".
- Classic.
- What? There's no couriers, there's no flashers.
There's no At least there's a Time Bureau manual.
And gummy bears.
That's where I stashed my emergency supply.
So that's it.
Just a book and some gummies.
- No couriers.
- No flashers.
- No mini-Gideon.
- No breath mints.
Hey, look, it's okay.
You guys, it's gonna be okay.
Look, as long as the town keeps buying our cover story, then we'll come up with plan B.
It's gonna be great.
That fella wasn't Mr.
Hoover at all! Hair products, my foot.
Is this the Bureau of Investigation? This is Sheriff Thomas Wood of Odessa, Texas.
I've got a situation down here you ought to know about.
Wow, so we're really doing this? We're living in 1925 for a spell.
1925 is a total hayseed year.
These people are covered in sunspots.
Microdermabrasion, still decades away.
Main thing I know about the '20s is that they invented a lot of dance moves.
Maybe we should get out of this small town - and find the parties - No, no, no, no, no, no! No, that goes against Rule 23, which states that in order to limit potential damage to the timeline, marooned time travelers should stay in one one location.
Okay, then we will stay put.
All right? We'll figure it out.
First things first, we got the whole town coming over tonight, and they are expecting a circus.
We have to put on a show to protect our cover.
If there is no circus, they may inadvertently - see the Waverider wreckage - Whoa! Which violates, like, half of this manual.
- That cannot happen.
- Okay, well, I just hope that we get this done before Mami! - You're early! - ALL: Hi! It looks like the humans won the War of the Worlds.
We're all still here.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mija, tell me, why are people in town asking about a circus on my property? We need to talk.
Are those my curtains? - Is that Celso's suit? - Yes.
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
I don't see how this circus act gets us any closer to getting out of here.
This is just triage, Astra.
Dealing with the problem at hand.
Without the Waverider, we don't have a lot of options.
So if we are to convince these town people that we are actually a circus, we need to practice.
Let's go.
Want those juggling skills on point! - You juggle, right? - Is it that obvious? They need to distract everyone from seeing the remains of the timeship, which blew up.
After the aliens attacked the house, and we were saved by space mushroom [SIGHS.]
Look, mija, I'm already on thin ice here.
It's not easy for these people to accept a magical hero from another land living in their town.
But I trust you.
And if I am ostracized or arrested, then so be it, I'll deal with it.
Because you're my daughter, and I would do anything for you.
[EXCITING CIRCUS MUSIC.]
Looking good, looking good.
I'm sorry, guys.
I'm pulling the plug on this circus.
What? What's wrong? Look, what's wrong is that this circus is going to bring a lot of unwanted attention to my mom, and she already feels persecuted.
This isn't just about us anymore.
Every time we try to fix something, we just dig a bigger hole, and my mom is going to be the one stuck paying for it.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Look, we're sorry, Spooner.
You're right.
This isn't just about us.
We'll get out of town and we'll figure something else out.
No more circus, no more commotion.
Thank you.
Where's Astra? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Surge a mortuis.
- What are you doing? - What does it look like I'm doing? Well, it looks like you're trying to fix the ship using John's resurrection spell, but that would be stupid, because it's for humans, not for timeships.
If John were here, this is exactly what he would do.
Now shut up and let me concentrate.
You might want to stand back.
[DOOR SHUTS.]
- Sheriff Thomas Wood? - In the flesh.
You called the office in D.
C.
about someone impersonating a federal agent, namely me.
J.
Edgar Hoover.
Luckily, we were just down the way in Midland, so I thought I'd pay you a visit myself.
Welcome to Odessa.
I can't believe the top lawman in the country is standing in my very own station.
Again! The real one this time.
Now, tell me more about this scoundrel.
Surge a mortuis.
[MAGICAL WHOOSHING.]
Surge a mortuis! [METAL CLANKING.]
Is she doing what I think she's doing? Whatever it is, it's pretty cool.
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC.]
It's likely that this imposter is a member of the Midland Robbery Gang, an outfit we've been tracking for some time.
- Bank robbers.
- That's right.
And you just handed that degenerate a brand new safe to crack.
Now, which way did he go? Hell's bells, he could be anywhere by now.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Astra? Maybe you should stop.
You know, 'cause of the blood? If John could do this, I can do this.
Damn it, Astra, stop it! Multi facti sunt [ELECTRIC ZAPPING.]
Astra! [EXPLOSION.]
[DISTANT RUMBLING.]
Well, Sheriff, I reckon I know just where this imposter is trying to blow open that safe.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[GROANS QUIETLY.]
Ow.
Mm.
I feel like I was run over by a bus.
Ow.
And since isn't the med bay, I'm guessing my spell didn't resurrect the Waverider.
No, it didn't.
What were you thinking? Hey, a little sympathy? I got injured trying to help you.
By creating another huge spectacle at my mom's house.
Not what she needs right now.
I was the only one doing anything to get this clown show out of Texas.
Think it through next time.
No offense, but your mom lives in the boonies.
I doubt anyone noticed.
[CAR ENGINE APPROACHING.]
Someone did.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Guys, it's J.
Edgar Hoover.
The real one.
He's gonna want to know who we are.
So, we are doing the circus! No, no! Esperanza and I, we will talk to the men.
Astra has to stay in bed, but the rest of you cannot be here.
- Okay, um - Go, hide! It's too open concept in here to hide! Bedroom, bedroom.
Go, go.
Go, go, go.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Evening, ladies.
J.
Edgar Hoover, Bureau of Investigation.
Which one of you is Gloria Cruz? I am.
How can I help you, sir? I've heard about some bank robbers in the area.
Unsavory fellas.
Just checking to make sure you're safe.
Oh, well, no bank robbers.
Just enjoying a quiet afternoon.
If you don't mind, I was talking to the owner of the property in question.
- I don't think it's working.
- Why not? - Shh.
- Try the closet.
- It's locked.
- Zari, the key.
John said we'd find out what it's for.
Maybe it's this.
Okay.
Fine.
[GASPS.]
No! [WHOOSHING.]
I think we'll have a look around.
Just to be sure.
I have a patient in there.
She's recuperating.
[FLOORBOARDS CREAK.]
Go, go.
Just go, go, go.
Where are we? The Mansion? Hey.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
So if we're in the Mansion, does that mean it's present-day? Did we make it out of 1925? No, and yes.
But we're not in any year at all.
Gary.
This isn't really the Mansion.
It's a pocket dimension that John made for himself.
John wanted a place where he could be all alone, so he he conjured it.
So, if we go out the front door [FLAMES WHOOSHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Is this a pocket dimension in Hell, Gary? I'd recommend only exiting through the door we came in.
Why would John give me this place? Is it possible that man is so conceited he thinks I need an alternate dimension to get over him? I don't know everything about John, but I know he loved you.
Maybe he just thought you could use a nice, quiet place to be alone, out of the spotlight for once? Out of the spotlight? B, I thrive in the spotlight.
It's where I'm most me.
You're acting like I need to find myself, but I'm not hiding.
It [GROANS.]
There's an answer in here somewhere.
It's just a book of rules, babe.
Rules we should be following, okay? We almost ruined Gloria's life, and we almost interacted with Hoover, which means we almost changed history.
Yeah, but we didn't, huh? Just Babe.
Hey, will you look at me? I know it feels like the walls are closing in, - but we will figure this out.
- You keep saying that.
Okay, Sara? But we're getting sloppy.
And without memory flashers or time couriers or Gideon to guide us, we are lost, okay? And you really think that manual will help? Probably not, but I just I need to.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You keep reading.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
I have reason to suspect that the Midland Robbery Gang are holed up around here.
Sheriff Wood said one of the gang members got ahold of a peculiar safe that was in his possession.
Mind if we search your property, ma'am? Does it really matter if I say yes or no? Smart woman.
Okay, I overheard Hoover leaving.
All right, guys, let's go! Hey, you coming? Actually, I think I'm gonna just stay for a little bit.
Oh, good for you, sis.
And in case you feel like slowing things down a little What does that mean? Oh, brother.
[MAGICAL WHIRRING.]
Come on.
- Whoo! - You're back.
How did Hoover not see you guys? Oh, we just hopped over to another plane of existence where space and time don't function normally.
- No big whoop.
- You know, we could just hide out in the Mansion.
We'd be out of Gloria's way.
Hiding isn't gonna get us back to our timeline or help us figure out who blew up our ship.
- So, where do we go? - New York City.
Guys, the manual mentions an obscure scientist who laid the foundation for all of time travel, a guy named Dr.
Gwynn Davies.
He's alive right now, in 1925, and he lives in New York.
- That could work.
- Right? And you're okay if we leave here? I guess, as long as we have a plan.
Good, because y'all gotta go.
I mean, J.
Edgar Hoover's suspicious of my mom.
Thinks she's harboring some bank robbers, the Midland Gang or something.
Hoover's indefatigable.
He's a bloodhound.
He won't let go of our scent until he's won.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Then let's give him what he wants.
Make him think he was right.
We will be the bank robbers.
We'll lead him out of Texas, away from Gloria, and all the while, making our way to New York City.
Bank robbers were a big deal in the 1920s.
And we'd certainly grab his attention.
Yeah, and all we have to do is rob some banks.
I mean, yes, please Can I just have a word with you for a minute? You want to go on a crime spree? I mean, I don't even like the idea of leaving this house, but since we have to listen to me, we need to make very small footprints.
And remember, we don't even have our equipment.
- What if somebody - Babe, look, you're right.
And I'm scared too.
But I believe in us, and I believe in our team.
We're more than time travel and superpowers and gadgets and manuals.
We are the Legends, and we can pull this off.
I know we can.
And as soon as we can time travel again, we'll go and fix all the changes that we made.
You can make a you can make a list of timeline IOUs.
You love lists.
And then we will cross them off, every single one.
- Every single one.
- Every single one.
Hmm? Mm! Fine.
All right, crime spree it is.
But just until we can time travel again.
I'd like to stay here with my mom for a bit.
Astra should say too, until she's fully recovered.
Okay, we'll just pick you guys up after we help invent time travel.
Guys.
Hoover's back.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Y'all are gonna get my mom arrested.
Gloria! Do you have any rope? [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Gloria Cruz, you've been withholding information.
It's the Midland Gang.
They just left.
They forced us to cooperate! They said they were going to kill us.
[CAR ENGINE STARTS.]
Come on, babe, let's go! - Hurry, Sara! - I'm coming, hold on! - Let's go, let's go, let's go! - Get in the car! Come on, Nate! Come on, come on, get on! - See ya later, J.
Edgar! - Whoo! Should've peed before we left Gloria's.
[SUAVE MUSIC.]
Hmm.
Sorry.
[GUNSHOT.]
Hit the floor, boys, this is a robbery.
Not our first rodeo.
Whoa, sorry, little lady.
Uh, bank's closed.
Little lady? Who do you think you are? Why are your teeth so pretty? Fluoride.
Now, you heard me.
Go on, get.
Get! This is a robbery.
I know robberies.
You're running crowd control.
Ya heard the lady.
Get on the ground.
And you, I want you to go to the safe and get me $93.
65.
Okay, okay.
- 93 - Yeah.
I did the calculation, babe.
It's all we need to get to New York City.
Small footprints, you promised.
- And give me the money! - Well, actually, I have enough here in the till.
No need to open the safe.
All right, look.
We weren't gonna say anything till after the robbery, but come here.
[WHISPERING.]
We're the Midland Gang.
- No, way! - Yeah.
I love the Midland Gang! Huge fan.
[GUNSHOT.]
I said get all the way down on the ground, boys.
Ava keeps shooting the ceiling.
She hates ceilings.
Two women? There's no women in the Midland Gang.
You can steal money from a bank, fine.
But you don't steal somebody's gang name! All right, lady, look, we don't have a gang name.
- Okay? - Well, gotta have a gang name.
It's patriotic.
Oh, oh, what about the Legends of Tomorrow? Uh, it's wordy.
It is.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! The Bullet Blondes.
Well, it's not just Sara and Ava.
We're in the gang too.
They're doing all the heavy lifting.
Bullet Blondes.
Damn it, B, it is catchy.
- Hmm, the Bullet Blondes.
- The Bullet Blondes.
The Bullet Blondes.
This robbery is the work of the Bullet Blondes! The Bullet Blondes! You gotta be kidding me.
Now, y'all gonna put your heads down and count to 100, and pretend you never saw us.
- Yeah! - Yeah.
Ooh, wait, wait, and, um, go about your lives like none of this ever happened, completing any historically significant events you might otherwise have done.
Let's go.
Make way for the Bullet Blondes! Whoo, the Bullet Blondes! Whoo-hoo! Thank you all for you cooperation! Sorry about the guns! The Bullet Blondes! Bullet Blondes! The Bullet Blondes, I like it.
Have to admit you were right, babe.
That went off without a hitch.
Guess we're the Bullet Blondes now.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Come on, Gary, let's go! [EXCITING MUSIC.]
Whoo! $93.
65 never felt so sweet.
I don't think that's gonna change history, but I am gonna write it down on our to-do ledger, just to be sure that it doesn't.
Hopefully Hoover is on our scent.
He's gonna follow us out of town, away from Gloria's house.
Next stop, New York City.
- Whoo! - Uh-oh.
Guys, something's up ahead.
What he already roadblocked us? Damn, that Hoover works fast.
He's indefatigable.
It's over, Bullet Blondes.
Get out of the car and put your hands on the ground.
- Gun it.
- What? Are you sure? I bet he's a pretty good aim with that gun.
That's a good point.
Nate, get behind the wheel in case he opens fire.
Come on, Gary, Let's go, come on, let's go.
- Go, Gary.
- [STRUGGLING.]
Feet out of my face.
- [EXHALES.]
- Oh, God, oh, God.
- All right, let's do it.
- Everyone else, get down, get down, get down.
I said small footprints, Sara.
Don't worry about it, babe.
We'll fix everything, I promise.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[GUNFIRE.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
[BULLETS RICOCHETING.]
Whoo! Yeah! We made it! - [THUMPING.]
- Did you guys hear something? Yeah.
[BREATHLESS.]
Oh! It's a fan - What? - It's a fabbable.
- What are you trying to say? - Something about bubbles.
- Indefatigable! - What? [ALL SCREAM.]
[BRAKES SQUEAL.]
[GRUNTING.]
Oh, my - what did you do? - I don't know.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
This is not happening.
This is not happening! Hoover can't die.
Hoover Hoover can't die! - [GRUNTS.]
- Oh! Oh, my God.
Thank God, he's alive.
Indefatigable.
[MUMBLING.]
What? What'd he say? What'd he say? - I don't know.
- What'd you say? I said [WHEEZES.]
"I never miss twice".
[GUNSHOT.]
- Ah! - Oh! I killed J.
Edgar Hoover.
I killed J.
Edgar Hoover! I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
That was that was - Sara, I am sorry.
- I know, I know.
He's, uh, very important to the timeline.
The timeline? The timeline is ruined.
History is ruined, and we don't even have Gideon here to tell us how badly we've ruined it.
That's it.
I want to die.
Goodbye.
I give up.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
- Goodbye! - Babe? Did we break Ava? Hey, hey, babe, you okay? - No.
- Yeah, you're okay.
Look, I know I talked you into this plan, and it has admittedly gone sideways.
But we are we're pretty committed, okay? So we gotta see this one through.
- I can't - Yes, you can, and then when we get back to 2021, we are gonna go on a real honeymoon.
It'll be on the beach, we'll walk hand-in-hand.
We'll we'll listen to one of your Stabcast podcasts and watch the sunset.
It'll be like Stabcast.
[GASPS.]
That's it.
There are no witnesses.
We're lucky.
We gotta hit the road, fast.
But first, we gotta get rid of the body.
- Ava? - Gary, that's your job.
Lose the glasses.
Oh! You want me to eat one of the most important figures of the 20th century? We gotta get to New York, and we gotta there fast.
We gotta find this Gwynn Davies without messing up the timeline any more, and the first thing to do is to eat this body.
What has gotten into you? I have been reading true crime stories my entire life.
This is my time to shine.
Shut up and eat up, Gary.
You're in the Bullet Blondes now.
I'm a Bullet Blonde? I swear I take no pleasure in this.
Beyond just the taste of human meat, which as you know, I find quite delicious.
Do it, Gary.
[GRUMBLING.]
Astra, you're up.
Yeah, thought I'd make myself useful.
That's very sweet.
You're capable of so much more than picking vegetables.
I have just recovered.
You have a terrible bedside manner.
Tell me, what did you do to hurt yourself so much? I tried to perform a spell that I wasn't ready for, and it nearly destroyed me.
My former mentor would be so disappointed if he were here right now, saying I have to be willing to walk alone and risk it all if I want to succeed.
You know, my mother was a great healer.
She taught me everything that she knew.
But I was terrible at it.
It wasn't until I was able to cast off her training, start fresh in a way that reflected who I am, that I truly became a healer myself.
Yeah, but walk alone, sacrifice yourself, that's what magic is about.
Your mentor taught you how he did magic, yeah? But you're not him.
R.
I.
P.
So you're just gonna bury the pieces of the Waverider? Well, it ain't gonna bury itself.
I'm gonna miss the old girl.
Really? Astra Logue getting sentimental.
Look, I'm sorry I brought the cops to your mom's place.
I don't blame you for being pissed about it.
No, I get it.
You were trying to help.
I wasn't just trying to help you, though.
I was trying to prove myself to replace John.
I just wanted to show everyone that I was worthy, which I guess I'm not.
John? We don't need another John.
We need you.
Astra, I wasn't mad about the cops.
I wasn't happy about them, but I was upset that you almost died.
I like having you around.
You're like my best friend.
No one's ever said that to me.
But you're mine too.
Good.
And if anything goes wrong, we'll handle it.
I got your back.
You know, it's too bad.
I almost finished that spell.
You didn't finish it? No, it was too much for me.
I bet John would've finished it.
Unum.
That was the last word.
Unum? Sounds mysterious.
Wish Gideon was here to make us a nice steak.
Steak? Okay, I wish Gideon was here to make us a drink.
- BOTH: Mezcal.
- Eh? [WHOOSHING.]
Who the hell is that? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Ay, dios mio.
BOTH: Gideon?