Buffy the Vampire Slayer s07e02 Episode Script

Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": If I'd known you were coming, I'd have baked a cake.
- Tell me you love me.
- I love you.
- Tell me you want me.
- I always want you.
Do you even like me? - It's over.
- I've memorised this tune, love.
I'm using you.
And it's killing me.
We're getting married.
What do you mean, Xander's missing? When you were a vengeance demon, you crushed men like him.
I wish we could just go back to the way things were before.
And I wish you were never born! - I'm gonna make you feel it! - Stop! Ask me again why I could never love you.
Tara? Oh, God.
Somebody! I love you.
- Make me what I was.
- We will return your soul.
(screams) When you brought me here, I thought it was to kill me.
- Instead, you go all Dumbledore on me.
- Do you want to be punished? - I killed people, Giles.
- I've not forgotten.
Something's rising.
Something older than the Old Ones, and everybody's tail is twitching.
This is a bad time to be a good guy.
It is my great pleasure and privilege to announce the official opening - on the very ground that it first stood upon - of the brand-new Sunnydale High! Are you asking me to be a counsellor? Spike? What did you do? My home.
I belong here.
Always been here.
Cheers for stopping by.
I'll get back to you.
(# "Von der Tiefe" by Stillste Stund) (distorted voice) From beneath you it devours.
- Aargh! - Buffy! Buffy! Buffy! - I heard screaming.
- That was you.
- There was a girl.
- That would be me.
No.
It was Just a dream.
It was just a dream, right? "From beneath you, it devours.
" That's what she said, and then they There's more like her, Dawn.
Out there somewhere.
And they're gonna die.
(rumbling) (squeaking) - (Spike) No, no, no, no, no, no.
- (squeaking) Now is not the time.
You know it.
I know it.
Making them understand is a totally different matter.
No manners is the problem.
Proper breeding.
Lack of etiquette.
All of it lacking.
- All of it lost on 'em.
- (rumbling) Not the time.
Not hardly ready.
Stop.
Please don't! Begging now! Make it stop! Oh, God! Arghh! Could you die? Cos, speaking for everybody who are me in the car right now, we're very excited.
- I'm glad for all of you then.
- I mean, it's just so cool.
You're coming to school with me.
You'll be, like, there the whole time.
You understand you cannot talk to me, or hang out with my friends, right? I doubt we'll see each other, assuming I half understand my fuzzy job description.
It's not fuzzy.
You're dealing with troubled kids? At a spanking-new Hellmouth High.
Please, outside of drugs and violence and unwanted pregnancy, and unleashing of hordes of Armageddon that comes out of the school every now and then, - what trouble could these kids have? - Guess I'll find out.
Those kids are lucky having a slayer and a friend on campus there for 'em.
I hope they appreciate it.
I know I did.
- Days gone by, huh? - (Dawn) I thought you hated Sunnydale.
Yes, and no, with an emphasis on the yes.
But, at least then I was dating.
You could be dating now.
- I don't know what's not clicking for me.
- There's that thing with Anya.
- The leaving her at the altar thing? - Yeah, that one.
- It's not something you bounce back from.
- Sure it is.
She bounced back to a vengeance demon, I bounced back to a dateless nerd.
Do you guys talk at all? I've seen her at the Bronze a couple of times.
There's scorned women there, making vengeance wishes on their exes.
It's where I go to get my scorn on.
You need to ease up with the whole dating demons thing.
I'm sorry, didn't you have a smooch-a-thon with Teen Vampire last Halloween? See, this is why I don't want you talking to my friends.
We'll sort of feel our way around.
Some students will be sent to you, and others will start to come in on their own.
- What if they don't? Should I panic? - You'll be surprised.
You're the youngest, and least stuffy member of this faculty.
The students will wanna talk to you.
And when they do, don't evaluate them.
Just listen.
They need to feel like there's someone around here who actually understands them.
- Can I give detention? - OK by me.
Authority can be a wonderful thing.
Remember while you are here to help, you're not here to be their friend.
Trust me, you open that door, and these students will eat you alive.
- You heard about Principal Flutie, right? - Hmm? Forget it.
- (class bell) - OK, then.
And, Buffy, relax.
There's only three things kids understand: the boot, the bat, and the bastinada.
It's the it's a bad joke.
It's the bastinada.
No one ever knows what that thing is.
Wooden rod used to slap the soles of the feet in Turkish prisons, and is a great billy club.
I think you're gonna fit in just fine.
Is there something else? Yeah.
Just one more thing.
I was just curious, you know, not that I'm not grateful or anything, but, - I guess I was wondering why I - Have this job? - I still haven't finished college.
- I know.
Was it my sparkling personality? Or maybe you enjoyed my work at the Double Meat Palace? I'm a vegetarian.
These students need someone who understands them.
I need someone who understands these students.
Why? Is there something about you that I don't know that maybe I should? Nothing I can think of.
Oh, if you'll excuse me.
First catch of the day.
- I'll be in my office if you need me.
- Thanks.
I'm just gonna have a look around.
Get to know the place.
Make sure it's all school-like.
Spike? (squeaking) (door shuts) Spike? - The taxi's here.
- I know.
Keeping with a quaint old British tradition, you would now be expected to get into it.
I don't know if I can.
Giles, I'm not done here.
That's your fear talking.
Yes, and my fear's a big, obnoxious blabbermouth.
- You keep telling me to trust my instincts.
- True.
So, shouldn't we be listening? I don't wanna go back home just so I can screw up again.
Why don't I stay? Not forever.
Just long enough to - make my fear shut up a little, maybe? - (taxi honks) It's possible, but Try to be very specific.
What exactly are you afraid of? Well, for starters, how about the Hellmouth's getting all rumbly again.
And now I know it's got teeth.
And are those literal teeth? Cos I don't know if I can handle it.
And what if I can handle it? Does that mean I have to be a bigger, badder badass than the source of all badness? And what if I give up all this control stuff and I go all veiny and homicidal again? - And what if - They won't take you back? Uh-huh.
Willow, we could spend another two years here training and practising and honing your powers and still there'd be no way of knowing that the friends you left behind you are still your friends.
- Sure.
If you put it that way, duh.
- I'd love to offer you some guarantee that you'd be welcomed back to Sunnydale with open arms, but I can't.
You may not be wanted, but you will be needed.
- That all you got? - For the moment, yes.
OK.
I guess I'd better Trust yourself, and the others might follow.
(growling) Rocky, come on.
Do your business so I can go home.
(growling) I could've gotten a cat, but no.
- (ground crumbles) - (yelping) Aargh! (screeching) Er hello.
And whatever it was, it was big and strong.
Stronger than I mean, I don't know how it's possible.
You hear things living here in Sunnydale, but nobody actually believes them.
You know, you'd have to be crazy, and - You guys think that I'm crazy, don't you? - I don't.
- We've seen things, too, Nancy.
- We're gonna take care of this.
It's your lucky night.
Considering your dog just got all ate up and stuff.
- Hey, can I freshen up your tea? - No, that's OK.
Thanks.
So, this thing came up out of the ground without any warnings or signs or anything? Just this kind of rumbling, like just before an earthquake.
- From beneath you, it devours.
- What? - Nothing.
- Nothing good.
- Sounding monster-ific.
- Shall we round up the gang? Good thinking, except this is the gang.
Look, Nancy, I promise you, if your dog is alive, we're gonna find him.
- The only thing I need is a little - (Spike) What you need is help.
Fortunately, you've got me.
- Buffy.
- Spike.
- Who's that? - He's - It's Buffy's - Ex.
And I'm thinking it's a little more complicated than just that.
- (Xander) Always is.
- You've changed.
I have.
New clothing.
Better hair.
Not so much with the crazy.
I like it.
- Now what do you want? - Easy.
If you think I like being surrounded by people who don't particularly like me, you'd be wrong.
If you're uncomfortable, we can make you leave.
I'll be quick.
We need to talk.
You want to do that here, or privately? I'm thinking here, with good friends and pointy weapons.
- You said something about quick? - I did.
Before I start, and for the record, the last you saw me, I was a mess.
Out of my head.
Admitted.
Last week, living in the school basement Well, you saw me.
You did? - Just a second.
Yes, I saw Spike.
I didn't - What? - You forgot to mention it? - Things were insane in the basement.
- I saved your life.
We can discuss this later.
- Sure.
- (Xander) Whatever you want.
- Right.
That's the only time you let us in.
- Whenever you want.
- In fairness to Buffy - Shut up, Spike! - OK, guys.
Give us a second.
- Do not start by saying you're sorry.
- I didn't come here to atone.
- What do you want? - To help you.
- Help me what? - I was hoping you'd tell me.
You're the Slayer.
Connected to the visions.
Long line of worthies, right? I'm a guy with his ear to the ground, but even I can feel it.
Something's coming.
I don't know what exactly, but something's brewing.
And it's so big, ugly and damned, it makes you and me look like little bitty puzzle pieces.
And if I'm wrong, say so.
Lovely.
No hard feelings.
I'll go out that door and you can lock it behind me with any spell you like.
- So, am I wrong? - Everything about you is wrong, Spike.
But something is coming.
You're gonna need some help.
- When did you become people's champion? - I didn't.
I'm just a guy who can lend a hand, if you'll let me.
Ball's in your court, Slayer.
We're gonna split.
Two pairs.
This creature is burrowing through solid ground.
A strength and power we don't usually deal with, but we may have to get used to, - now the Hellmouth is getting all perky.
- Shouldn't we call the police? - And tell them? - I'll stop interrupting.
Take Nancy home.
Drive, don't walk, and don't stop till you get there.
- Understood.
- Is your girlfriend always this commanding? Who? Buffy? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
See I mean, she's a girl, and she's a friend, but she's not my girlfriend.
Xander.
A little drool.
Spike and I will check out the scene.
OK, in the biggest way, I am not loving this plan.
I'm not loving Spike.
- (whispering) He tried to rape you.
- And he failed.
I know I can take him.
Xander, take Nancy home.
Spike and I will patrol.
I'm Command Central, so everybody check in with me.
OK, I'll be here doing my homework, but the other one sounded cooler.
Be safe.
Let's go.
Righty-o, then.
Spike.
You sleep, right? You.
Vampires.
You sleep? Yeah.
What's your point, niblet? I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head.
But you do sleep.
If you hurt my sister at all.
Touch her.
You're gonna wake up on fire.
- (Spike) You're awfully quiet.
- (Buffy) Wouldn't know what to say.
Fine with me.
I was more half-expecting to get an earful anyway.
And when exactly did your sister get unbelievably scary? - What are you doing? - What? I told you once, straight up, I'm here to help, and that's all.
- Think this here's our spot? - How'd you guess? - I don't fancy sticking my head in that.
- If something bites it off, that'd be a clue.
- So what happened to you? - When you saw me, those ghostly types in the school basement, they were in my head.
Made me flat-out, bug-shagging crazy.
And I'm not bragging about it, but they were stronger than I was.
Made me see things, do things.
- Why did you not tell anyone you saw me? - I don't know.
I guess - I was partly hoping you were a mirage.
- Sorry to disappoint.
- Not your fault.
- Hold the torch, would you? Look, this Us working together is not a way to get back together, if that's what you want.
It's not.
- Look, I can't blame you for being all skittish.
- Skittish? That's not a word I would use for it.
You tried to rape me.
- I don't have the words.
- Neither do I.
I can't say sorry.
Can't use forgive me.
All I can say is, Buffy, I've changed.
- I believe you.
- Well, that's something.
I just don't know what you've changed into.
You come back to town, you make with the big surprises.
Twice.
I don't know what your game is, but I know you're not telling me something.
You're right.
There is.
But we're not best friends any more, so too bad for me.
I'm not sharing.
We've been through things.
The end of the world and back.
I can be useful cos, honestly, I've got nothing better to do.
Make use of me if you want.
And there's nothing here.
Just a bit of slime.
Mounds of displaced dirt and such.
Whatever our beastie is, he's gone.
I still can't believe that all this is happening.
Even with this town's reputation for, you know, unexplained weirdness.
Right.
Sunnydale: come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.
There's good food? Well, thanks.
(clears throat) That's a couple levels of lameness right there, me saying, "thanks" after everything you've done for me tonight.
You could slip me a twenty, but then I'd have to act offended.
Got it.
So D'you think I might, instead, give you a call sometime? - To check in? - No, actually, I'm hitting on you.
Even better.
I'm very listed.
And I'm really pushy, so that works out well, then.
- Good night.
- Um - (rumbling) - Nancy I just got a swell idea.
- Run! - Aargh! - (screeching) - Aargh! - Are you OK? - I just Dumb question.
Are you injured? Are you hurt? I don't think so.
I just I don't think that I can take any more of this.
Two attacks in the same night.
I'm starting to think it's not coincidence.
Oh, sure.
Why not? A monster trying to kill me.
It's just the thing that was missing to make my life absolutely perfect.
Urgh! Ronnie would love this.
Boy! Right.
- Who's Ronnie? - Oh.
Only my psycho ex-boyfriend that I've been trying to get rid of for the past few weeks.
I almost prefer the monster.
Ronnie was trouble.
Uh-huh.
And I'm just curious Was this Ronnie guy a borrowing-money kind of trouble or was he a raising-demon trouble kind of guy? Ronnie? He couldn't He just "He was an abusive bastard" is the catchy headline.
And he'd just show up, even after You know the feeling you get when your ex constantly ruins your life, and doesn't stop? Yes.
And you get so tired of feeling helpless that all you can do is wish that it would stop? Wish? And it's not the fact that he cheated, it's the way he cheated, you know? I mean, we could have talked.
I could have handled it.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh, I get it.
Go on.
You know what he is? He's spineless.
Yeah, that's it.
He's like this spineless little pig.
- And you know what I wish? - God, do I want to.
You were saying? - I want more quesadillas.
- Before that.
- A Margarita.
- After that.
Oh, yeah.
God, my boyfriend's spineless.
He should just - He should just be spineless for real.
- No spine.
Got it.
I can do that.
What do you mean? See, honey, what I'm driving us towards here is: sometimes, don't you just wish that Oh, penis! Is this the one you talked to? I tell you what - why don't we put a pin in it? Why don't you get yourself a drink, and we'll pick it up in a few, OK? - You guys, I am working here.
- We noticed.
That's why we're here.
Right.
Did you turn this nice lady's ex into a giant worm monster? - Yes.
- No way! - Are you saying that thing was Ronnie? - You wish it, I dish it.
I thought we were clear.
I didn't think you'd go all narc on me.
- You wished your ex was a worm? - We were just talking.
Anya has a way of making things happen.
I had a quota.
He had it coming.
What's the big? I think I'm gonna be sick.
Anya, that thing you created burst through solid pavement and ate her dog.
- Oh, puppy! - Wait, that gets your sad noise? People's lives are in danger, and you give it up for the Yorkie? - You never understood me.
- Xander, who is this woman? Anya? She's Anya.
My ex.
- Oh.
- Hey, nobody's bragging here.
Ah, ah, ah, ah Hey! Hands off the merchandise, Spike.
You don't get to go there again.
Please! I've already forgotten about our time together.
- I thought you were Xander's ex-girlfriend.
- I am.
- But you and Spike - Had a thing.
- Didn't last.
- Weren't you, Buffy - Briefly.
- Never serious.
Is there anyone here that hasn't slept together? At least we're all bipeds, which is more than I can say for Ronnie, the worm boy.
Guys, can we focus here for a second? Anya, this is Ronnie, OK? He wasn't a worm.
Worms are like this big.
- This thing was like - Sluggoth demon.
Am I right? - Maybe.
- Wait, I didn't wish for that.
I mean I don't know what this whatchamacallit demon thing is.
Sluggoth demon.
It's a large, nasty, natural predator who died around the Crusades.
Same phylum.
It's not cheating.
I just embellished.
Well, you can unembellish now.
Bite me, Harris.
I have rules to work with.
Vengeance demon codes of conducts that you'll never understand cos you're all so - human.
- (Spike) I'm not.
I'm a demon, just like yourself, Anya.
Now, you're gonna turn the spell around like a good little vengeance demon or I what? - Oh, my God! - What are you staring at? - Oh, my God! - Right.
Let's go.
- How did you do it? - What is she talking about? - I can see you.
- Nothing.
Got some worm hunting to do.
- How did you do it? - Shut up! - You - Shut your mouth! - How did you get it? - I said you shut up! I am so gonna kick your ass.
- Right, bitch.
Round and round - You haven't changed, Spike.
Working out some personal issues, are we? Hey, I guess this would be first contact since, you know when.
Ooh, up for another round on the balcony, then? Right you are, love.
I haven't changed.
Not a lick.
And watching your face trying to figure me out was absolutely delicious.
- (Xander) Buffy! - Not now Xander.
Nancy.
She's gone.
And out there all alone, she's worm bait.
I'll go find her.
You stay with Anya.
Get her to reverse that spell.
Hey, is that it? A little touchy-feely, and you're off to the bat poles? Freaks! Why do I surround myself with freaks? (rumbling) Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Help! Somebody help me! (rumbling) (rumbling stops) Aargh! Help me! Help me! - What do you want me to do? - Reverse the spell.
- It's not that easy.
- You can do it.
Yeah, sure, the spell part.
What about me? I'm in enough trouble as it is.
Halfrek's all over my case.
D'Hoffryn is not pleased with my work.
- You don't want to see him angry.
Trust me.
- Nice friends you got.
Nice friends I had.
Chums, co-workers, bridesmaids.
I had the whole package until something fell apart.
What could that be? Are you saying this was my fault? All I'm saying is none of this happened until you dumped me at the altar.
And sooner or later, Anya, that excuse just stops working.
Aargh! You've had your turn, love.
Leave the real violence to the demons, yeah? That's right.
Big bad's back.
And looking for a little death! - Aargh! - Aargh! (Ronnie) Ow! I'm sorry.
Right.
Wrong.
Wrong manoeuvre.
Not hardly helpful.
God, please help me.
Help me! You're not the one who needs help.
He's going into shock.
No.
No.
Too much, too much, too much, too much I need an ambulance.
Someone's been stabbed.
Oh, God, corner of Third and Fairview.
OK, help is coming.
Try not to move.
deep inside me.
- Whatever you're doing Get away.
Get Do it somewhere else.
I am through with this.
Lucky girl.
Call it quits.
There's an option.
If only it were so easy.
If only if only if only What the hell are you screaming about? I can hear you.
No need to shout! I get it.
Joke's on me.
Lots of laughs.
Yeah.
Hey, bring the wife and kiddies.
Come see the show.
This is gonna be a circus.
This is just the beginning, love.
A warm-up act.
The real headliner's coming, and when that band hits the stage, all of this All this will come tumbling in death and screaming, horror and bloodshed.
From beneath you, it devours.
From beneath Poor Rocky.
Buffy! You.
You did this.
What are you? - She's not calling me.
- OK.
Help is on the way.
Look after him.
Where are you going? - You do know you did the right thing here? - Tell him that.
You reversed the spell.
It took guts.
I know this is bad, but it could be worse.
Oh, it will be.
- (Spike) Didn't work.
- What the hell It didn't work.
Costume.
Didn't help.
Couldn't hide.
- No more mind games, Spike.
- No more mind games.
No more mind.
- Tell me what happened to you.
- Hey, hey, hey! No touching.
Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh.
My flesh.
Nothing else.
Not a spark.
Oh, fine.
Flesh then.
Solid through.
Get it hard.
Service the girl.
Stop it! Right.
Girl doesn't wanna be serviced.
Because there's no spark.
Ain't we in a sodding engine? Spike, have you completely lost your mind? Well, yes.
Where have you been all night? You thought you would come back here and be with me? - First time for everything.
- This is all you get.
I'm listening.
Tell me what happened.
- I tried to find it, of course.
- Find what? The spark.
The missing The piece that fit.
That would make me fit.
Because you didn't want I can't.
Not with you looking.
I dreamed of killing you.
I think they were dreams.
So weak.
Did you make me weak? Thinking of you, holding myself and spilling useless buckets of salt over your ending? Angel, he should've warned me.
Makes a good show, but forget it, it's here, in me.
All the time.
The spark.
I wanted to give you what you deserve.
And I got it.
They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn.
(whispers) Your soul.
Bit worse for lack of use.
You got your soul back.
- How? - It's what you wanted, right? It's what you wanted, right? And now everybody's in here, talking.
Everything I did everyone I And him.
And it.
The other.
The thing beneath beneath you.
It's here too.
Everybody.
They all just tell me go go to hell.
Why? - Why would you do - Buffy, shame on you.
Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her.
To be hers.
To be the kind of man who would nev To be a kind of man.
And she shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love.
And he will be loved.
So everything's OK, right? (sizzling) Can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest? Urgh! Argh!