Heartbeat (1992) s07e02 Episode Script

1
Heartbeat
Why do you miss when
my baby kisses me?
Heartbeat
Why does a love kiss
stay in my memory? ♪
BORN TO BE WILD:
Steppenwolf
Get your motor running
(HUMS)
(GUFFAWS)
(Oh, God.)
Be a good girl.
- Going somewhere nice?
- Fish and chips, I expect.
Probably end up in the
Aidensfield Arms later.
Nick how is Jo?
Well, she's still pretty cut up.
Hardly surprising, I suppose.
- Only
- What?
At the end of the day,
she's still her mother.
So?
Well, if she and Jo
continue like this,
it's bound to cast a shadow over what
should be a happy time for you both.
I don't know what I
can do about it, Eileen.
Some things are best tackled
sooner rather than later.
Open wounds tend to fester.
It's paid for, Claude.
What, it's somebody's birthday?
Yours, I'd say.
- Who's done that, then?
- The lady over there.
By 'eck! Ellen Highwater!
It's a long time since anybody
called me that, Claude.
Aye, you must have
quietened down a bit.
By heck, how long has it been?
80 years, 90?
Well, it feels like that sometimes.
I tell you something,
you've not changed much, you know.
You always did know how to
flatter a girl, didn't you, Claude.
Sounds like me.
And he comes back
home at five-thirty
Gets the same train everytime
Cause his world is build
round punctuality
It never fails
And he's oh so good
And he's oh so fine
And he's oh so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected
man about town
Doing the best things
so conservatively
Have you seen what's
been dumped outside?
One could hardly miss it!
And you just stood there
and let them do it?!
What am I supposed to do,
hurl myself under the wheels?
You do appreciate what this looks
like for a man in my position?
What position, special constable
in darkest Yorkshire!
What do you know about it, woman?!
Don't you dare call me woman!
I bet you wouldn't call her woman!
I'm not going to listen to
anymore of this rubbish!
Something needs to
be done about that.
Will this help?
- Hello, Mag.
- Thanks, Claude.
Here you are, love.
You realised you've still not told
me what you're doing back here.
I was going to pay a surprise visit
to my old friend, Monica Ashurst.
You'll need to do it
through a medium.
She been in the graveyard
for about six months ago.
So I've just found out.
You'd have thought somebody
would have told me.
Now I'm stranded here.
No way of getting back
to Sheffield tonight.
Any more news about George?
Not good. My Auntie Mary
said he's really poorly.
Could be a bit of a long job,
by the sound of it.
Poor old thing.
- Can you cope on your own?
- Just about.
Oh, Nick's been dropping in last
things, see if everything's all right.
That helps a bit.
Well, that's something, I suppose.
Mind you, from the look of him, his
mind's on other things these days.
Yeah.
It must have come
as a bit of a shock,
to find out she was getting
a copper for a son-in-law.
I don't see why.
And even if it did, so what?
As far as I'm concerned,
if that's how she feels,
she can lump it.
And that's what I'll
tell Dad tomorrow.
Are you seeing him?
He rang up to say he'd
come over after work
to discuss a few things.
- Like what?
- Pretty obvious, isn't it?
You shouldn't be like that
with your parents, Jo.
Oh, what do you
want me to do, Nick?
Pick up the phone and
beg Mum's forgiveness?
Just let the dust
settle a bit, okay?
You're gonna have enough to worry about,
getting ready for the big event.
I suppose so.
I can have a word with Gina,
you know, if you're alright.
See if she's got a room free here.
I can't afford to stay here.
I suppose there's always the
waiting room at the station.
You don't have to do that.
I mean, I've got a spare room at
my place I rent out now and again.
You know, I mean,
I wouldn't charge you, naturally.
Oh Claude, that'd be wonderful.
I wouldn't go too raving
mad till you see it.
I mean, it's not exactly the guest
room of Windsor Castle, you know.
But I mean, if you're stuck
Well, I am.
Drink up and I'll take
you for a shufty.
DEAFENING CHAINSAW NOISE
Excuse me!
I said, excuse me!
Oh! If it isn't Aidensfield's very
own answer to Fabian of the Yard.
- I want a word, madam.
- Oh, yes?
About that muck you
dumped on my drive.
- Which muck?
- You know which!
Look, Cowley. If you can prove it
was us did it, then get on with it.
Only I reckon you can't,
or you'd have got a real
bobby along with you.
I'll have the pair of you
drummed out of this village,
if it's the last thing
on earth I do!
Well, then. Let's just hope
it doesn't ever come to that.
Eh, Cowley, love?
Now then. This is it.
What do you think?
Oh, no, this'll be fine, Claude.
Hey, it's like It Happened
One Night, is this.
How do you mean?
You know, that old picture
with Clarke Gable.
- Oh, aye.
- Those were the days, eh?
You and me in the cuddling seats,
back row of the Roxy?
Oh, that were you, eh.
I often wondered who that was.
Hey!
The changing of
sunlight to moonlight
Reflections of my life
Oh, how they fill my eyes
The greetings of
people in trouble
Reflections of my life
Oh, how they fill my eyes
The world is a bad place
A bad place,
a terrible place to live
Oh, but I don't want to die
Oh, my sorrows
Sad tomorrows
Just have a guess where I've
spent the last hour, Ventress.
Having a late breakfast?
Sitting in a traffic jam up on
Roundmoor flaming Road.
The council are digging
up that entire section.
Gonna be jams there for
at least another month.
I thought you'd have
realised, sarge.
I did realise that, Bellamy!
I also realised I asked you lot
to arrange for a special constable to
be up there on duty at the rush hour
to keep the traffic moving!
We did, sarge.
I made up the roster myself.
Then there's obviously been a
breakdown in communication,
cause there's no special
up there at the moment!
Now Bellamy, get up there
and start sorting things out.
And you, Ventress
you can dig out this
mythical roster of yours,
and find out who should
be on duty up there today.
Oh uh, is this a
social call, Rowan?
I just called in to drop
these reports off, sarge.
Oh, well, in that case,
don't let us keep you from your
many more pressing duties.
Right, sarge.
Who's supposed to be on duty?
Well, well, well.
Your friend and mine, Hector Cowley.
Really?
It's not like him to miss
out on a bit of traffic duty.
Likes nothing more than to
boss some motorists around.
There's no reply.
I'll drop in to see
him on the way back.
Find out what's going on.
I'm just leaving, sarge.
Morning, Ellen.
That sizzling sounds musical.
By 'eck!
That's what they call a hearty
breakfast where I come from.
Somebody being hanged, are they?
You, if I have any more of your lip!
All right for you?
Can a duck?
I hope you don't mind.
I took the liberty of washing a
few of your shirts and things.
That must've surprised 'em.
You wash whatever you like, love.
I tell you the honest truth, you know.
You don't have to rush off.
You can stop here
as long as you like.
Oh! It might be quite nice, really.
See a few of the old places again.
Well, there you are, then.
You suit yourself.
Thanks very much.
Don't thank me.
The pleasure's all mine.
Here you are, son.
Hey! Don't do that.
Sorry.
(WHINES)
THE PETE BEST FOUR:
Knock On Your Door
I'm going to knock on your door
Ring on your bell
Tap on your window, too
If you don't come out tonight
while the moon is bright
I'm going to knock and
ring and tap until you do
I'm going to knock on your door
Call out your name
Wake up the town, you'll see
I'm going to hoot and howl
like a lovesick owl
Until you say you're
going out with me ♪
Hello?
- Is your husband in, Mrs. Cowley?
- No.
Well, any idea when
he will be back?
Afraid not, no.
He was supposed to go on
traffic duty this morning.
He never turned up.
Ah. Afraid I wouldn't know
anything about that, constable.
Hector's policing commitments
are entirely his own affair.
In any case, I haven't seen
him since yesterday evening.
Really?
He said he was going over to
sort out the Sutches about this.
What, you're telling me that was
dumped without your permission?
Well, of course it was
without our permission!
Having a pile of
outside your door
hardly a property-enhancing
feature, constable.
Why do you think they did it?
I imagine it's due to the fact that
Hector and Mrs. Sutch had a certain
difference of opinion of late.
What about?
One of their wretched pigs got out and
vandalised Hector's winter pansies.
You know how paranoid he
is about his beloved garden.
So Hector tried to organise a local
petition to have them closed down,
a suggestion to which Mrs. Sutch
took a violent exception.
So what happened when
he went round to see them?
No idea, Constable.
I had a pill and
took an early night.
Okay, Mrs. Cowley.
When you do see him,
tell him Sergeant Blaketon
wants to speak to him.
Right.
What do you want?
The pig manure that was dumped
on the Cowleys' drive yesterday.
Oh, yes?
We have reason to believe you
may know something about it.
Really? You can prove that?
Well, not yet, Mrs. Sutch.
We will be making further enquiries.
Where did you get that tunic, Simon?
He bought it!
I bought it.
Where from?
A second-hand shop.
A second-hand shop.
What's the address?
I can't remember.
Will there be anything else?
No, that'll do for now, thank you.
That told him, eh, Mam?
What were that for?
I told you there'd be trouble if
anybody saw you in that runt coat!
Hang on a minute. Mam!
Them's my chips.
- Who's dead, Claude?
- What do you mean?
Well, the only time you
wear a clean shirt and a tie
is when you go to
someone's funeral.
And not always then, eh?
When you get to my age,
you realise there's more to life
than just sleeping and supping.
Oh, yeah? Such as?
Well, such as the feel of nice
clean linen next to your skin.
And four square meals a day.
It's lovely.
The last ???, that's what
they call being married.
Not necessarily.
And he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected
man about town
Doing the best things
so conservatively
I just wondered if Hector had
surfaced yet, Mrs. Cowley.
Afraid not, no.
Can I ask you something
about his uniform?
What about it?
Whether any of it
has gone missing.
Missing? Hardly think
that likely, Constable.
Hector does rather
regard his uniform
with the sort of reverence usually
accorded the Crown Jewels.
Alright. Thanks, Mrs. Cowley.
When you do see him,
tell him we'd still like a word.
Right.
Cause his world is
build round punctuality
It never fails
And he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected
man about town
Doing the best things
so conservatively
My mam's not in.
It's not your mum I want
to talk to, Simon. It's you.
Oh? What about?
Well this, for starters.
I told you, I bought it.
- When?
- You what?
- Oh, when did you buy it?
- One day last week.
You bought it as recently as that
and you can't remember where from?
- HC.
- What about it?
It probably stands
for Hector Cowley.
Now, come on, son. Stop messing me
about and tell me where you got it from.
All right. I found it.
- Oh where did you find it?
- In here. This morning.
What are you after this time?
- How about the truth?
- About what?
This.
Your Simon reckoned he didn't buy
it in a second-hand shop after all.
But found your pigs chewing
on it this morning.
So?
You don't really expect me
to believe that, do you?
Why not? I mean, you know how pigs are.
They'll eat just about anything.
Or anybody, for that matter.
They're not a bit picky, are pigs.
Is this Hector Cowley's
tunic or isn't it?
Well, that's impossible to say, sarge,
without Cowley confirming it,
but everything points that way.
Well, get him to confirm it,
and then find out what the
Sutches were doing with it.
Yes, sarge.
And let's not devote our
entire working week to it.
All we're talking about
here is the theft of a tunic.
Oh, are we, sarge?
What was that remark supposed
to have some sort of
profound significance to it, Bellamy?
Well, it does seem a bit strange.
Cowley goes over to the Sutch's last
night and he hasn't been seen since.
And this morning, his jacket
turns up in their pigsty.
Very strange, I'd say.
There was this case recently.
Which case?
The murder charges
had to be dropped
because the body
couldn't be produced.
The suspicion being it
had been fed to t'pigs.
Well, you're not seriously suggesting
this could have happened to Cowley?
All we've found so far is his coat,
not a headless corpse!
Just making a point, sarge.
Come to think of it though,
this could present us with a
rare and welcome opportunity.
What did you have in mind, sarge?
Well, to shake Sweaty
Betty up a bit.
And what better way of doing it
than for three great hairy policemen
to suddenly descend on her?
If nothing else, it will get Ventress
out into the fresh air again.
On what grounds, sarge?
Well, that there just
might be something
in this wild flight of fancy
that merits further investigation
of her property.
So, lads
Have you got your wellies with you?
By heck, summat smells good.
Roast beef and Yorkshire
pudding do you?
I'll try and force it down.
Phwoar!
Jo!
Dad!
I wasn't expecting you so early.
Good to see you.
Are you coming back to the cottage?
I can make some supper later.
I'd better not.
I don't want to be too long.
Your mother's been having
a lot of headaches recently.
Since we told her about
the wedding, I suppose?
I'm stiff from driving.
Why don't we take a walk?
I don't know what it is you
think you're looking for
only you'll not find
nowt, you know.
Then you've got nothing
to worry about, Mrs. Sutch.
All I'm worried about
is them poor beasts.
Only they're very
particular, are pigs,
about the company they keep.
Nick.
Look at this.
Trousers!
It's standard issue,
by the look of it.
What's this?
Oh, don't look at me!
I know nowt about it!
Mum will just have to
get used to the idea
that Nick and I are
going to be married.
It's no use her coming down
with imaginary ailments.
They're not imaginary, Jo.
- All right, I'm sorry.
- Right.
But that's not why I came over.
There's something I've got
to tell you about the cottage.
The cottage? They don't want
to put the rent up, do they?
No. You remember old
Hartley who died last year?
When we heard nothing,
we assumed his children were going
to carry on with the arrangement.
We've been renting it for so long.
But they want it back.
- They can't just evict me.
- They don't have to.
The lease is up for
renewal next month.
Next month?
They want me out within a month?!
Just as well you're
getting married, isn't it.
But not yet!
Oh, it's not your fault, Dad.
If you need any help in
finding another place
It's going to be
hard in Aidensfield.
There simply aren't that
many empty properties.
I'm sorry, love.
Oh, don't worry, Dad.
Something will turn up.
Here you are, love.
Some nice fresh leeks planted and
picked with my own lily-whites.
Ah lovely.
Tea in the pot.
Oh, Claude, love,
look at the state of my floor.
Pardon?
Well, you've making diry marks
with your mucky boots.
I must have been an hour
on my knees this morning.
Must have been a bit painful.
I'm sorry. I'll take 'em off.
Not in here, I hope!
Oh, no. Of course not.
Don't you start!
(WHINES)
Alright. Let's go through this
one more time, shall we?
You're not denying that
Special Constable Cowley
came round here to
see you last night?
Why should I?
Complaining about the stuff
you dumped on his drive earlier.
Complaining about stuff he alleged
we dumped on his drive.
As a result of which,
an argument took place, right?
Well, I sent him off with a flea in
his ear, if that's what you mean.
Was that all that happened?
Or did perhaps one
thing lead to another?
Isn't exactly something you're famous
for, is it, Betty, self-restraint?
Right then, our Simon. Fetch it in.
- What?
- You know what.
Oh, that! Right.
- Fetch what in?
- You'll see.
And this wheelbarrow
is supposed to have some
bearing on the case, is it?
I'd say so.
For starters, where
did it come from, eh?
- Tell him where we found it, Simon.
- By the pigsties.
- When?
- This morning.
What's that supposed to prove?
You're the Sherlocks
around here, you tell us.
Only heard things last
night, did our Simon.
- What sort of things?
- Noises.
Well, hardly surprising
with a sty full of pigs.
No. Eating noises.
The sort of din they make
when they're feeding.
Only, they'd already been fed.
What exactly are you suggesting?
Let's just say,
if that great nelly Cowley
did end up getting fed
to our pigs last night,
by person or persons unknown,
whoever did it would have
needed a wheelbarrow
something bring ??? in.
Yeah, always assuming, of course,
it wasn't you and Simple
Simon here who did it.
If we had, we wouldn't have needed
no wheelbarrow, would we,
being what you might call
on the spot already, like.
Especially not somebody
else's wheelbarrow.
I mean, if it had been
us who'd done it,
we'd have used our own
wheelbarrow, won't we.
What's Alfred been up to?
He's all damp.
He's just had a bath.
A bath? I bet he enjoyed that!
He was stinking the place out.
What's all that white
stuff he's got over him?
Ah, now that's another thing
that was long overdue.
- What?
- De-lousing.
I don't know how you've managed to
live around here as long as you have
without catching something.
Help yourself to a scone.
Have you done him owt?
There's summat for him, too.
Outside!
Outside?
Well, it's hardly hygienic, is it,
him eating in the same room as you.
- It's time you built him a kennel.
- A kennel?
But he's used to being in here!
He always has done.
Well, that explains a lot.
Like why you can't
sit down in a chair
without getting
covered in dog hairs.
No. I'm serious, Claude.
It's time that dog had a kennel.
Eat your scone.
I'm not that hungry.
ENGINE FAILS TO STAR
Need some help?
Oh, Maggie,
it never rains but it pours.
Why? What's up?
I think I'm out of petrol.
I'll give you a lift to the garage.
Thanks, Maggie.
- So what else is up?
- I've got to move out of the cottage.
- Why?
- Dad can't renew the lease.
- So where are you going to go?
- I don't know.
There's nothing to rent in
the village as far as I know.
And I can hardly move into
the police house, can I.
Well
No.
You can have my spare
room if you want.
Are you sure?
Of course I am.
I'd enjoy the company.
You let me know when
you want to move in.
Maggie, you're a life-saver!
So, where are the
clothes now then?
On their way over
to Forensics, sarge.
Well, until we hear back from them,
we say nothing about this
to anybody, is that clear?
- Yes, sarge.
- Especially not to CID.
Cos if this turns out to be a product
of Ventress's feeble imagination,
we could end up the laughing
stock of the entire division.
In the meantime, I want some
discreet enquiries made
just to see if anybody else heard or
saw anything funny the other night.
And Mrs. Cowley?
Has she been alerted we want to hear
from Cowley the moment he surfaces?
Yes, sarge.
Right. Well, we'll leave
it like that for now.
The last thing we want is for
her to start getting upset.
Right, sarge.
SCREAM
SCREAM
LONG SCREAM
SCREAMS CONTINUE
What's up?
What's he doing here?
What? Oh!
I'm sorry.
You can't really blame him though.
It's usually his bed.
Get him off me!
And the big bear said
He said, "Who's been eating my
porridge?"
What's all this I hear
about Hector Cowley then?
What have you heard?
That he came to a sticky
end in Sutch's pigsty.
- Who told you that?
- It's all over the village.
Oh, terrific.
Alright, hold his ears.
Hold tight.
They're saying what about us?
There's an ugly rumour
sweeping Aidensfield, Ventress.
That a certain special constable
has been fed to Sutch's pigs.
- Really, sarge?
- Yes. Really, Ventress.
And I don't suppose for one minute
that either of you two bright sparks
have any idea where it
came from, have you?
Not at all, sarge.
Shocking how these things seem
to get out, though, isn't it, sarge.
Not half as shocking as
what's going to happen
to the bigmouth
responsible, Ventress,
when I happen to identify him.
A man with a deeply distrustful
nature, is Sergeant Blaketon.
I've often noticed it about him.
Excuse me asking.
What's this?
It's your breakfast.
Breakfast? What's happened to
all the sausages and fried bread
and black pudding and that.
It's very bad for you,
all that fried food.
And you're very
overweight, you know.
Well, more of me to
get hold of, in't there?
No. I've made up my mind.
We're going to have to get
you into healthy eating.
How long do you think you'll
actually be stopping now?
Well, it's like you say,
there's no rush.
The more I see of Aidensfield,
the more I realise how much
I missed the old place.
I know but you know,
the trouble is, you see
Folk are beginning to talk.
Talk, Claude?
Ah, yeah. About you and me.
You know, our arrangement.
What arrangement?
Well, the way we're living
together, you know.
I mean, someone would think
it's a bit like, over the brush.
Well, you know what I say
to that, don't you? Let 'em.
After all, this is supposed to
be the Swinging Sixties, right?
Right.
- Can I help you?
- In what way?
Do you mind?
It's because I mind
that I'm here, love.
Some sort of problem, is there?
These rumours you lot have been
spreading about us, that's the problem.
It's all right, Eileen.
I'll see to it.
What is it you wanted to say,
Mrs. Sutch?
That we never laid a finger on him.
And we can prove it.
Can't we, Simon?
We've got a witness.
What witness?
Her boyfriend.
Pardon?
My boyfriend.
He happened to be in our
kitchen having a brown ???
when Cowley turned
up the other night.
Well, he saw him leave
unscathed and untouched.
Is this 'boyfriend' willing to
testify to that, Mrs. Sutch?
- On one condition.
- And what's that?
That his name's left out of it.
You see, he has a
toffee-nosed little wife
who doesn't approve
of our relationship.
I see.
EDDIE COCHRAN:
Three Steps to Heaven
Now there are three
steps to heaven
Just listen and
you will plainly see
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
A boyfriend?
Sweaty Betty?
I've just spoken to him, sarge,
and he confirms
everything she tells us.
In fact, his story is he stayed
the entire night with her.
The entire night?
The mind boggles.
So, if something really
has happened to Cowley,
the Sutches are in the clear.
EDDIE COCHRAN:
Three Steps to Heaven
The formula for
Heaven's very simple
Just follow the rules
and you will see
And as life travels on
And things do go wrong
Just follow steps
one, two and three
Mr. Greengrass?
All depends who wants to know.
Would that be Claude
Jeremiah Greengrass?
You buying or selling?
Ellen said I'd probably
find you in here.
- Ellen?
- My wife, Ellen.
I'm Archie. I'm her husband.
such a shame,
such a shame
It's a shame
Cause I didn't want
to cause you any pain
But I know that it
wouldn't be the same
All the good times
have all been in vain
It's a shame, such a
shame, such a shame
It's a shame
Cause I didn't intend
to do you wrong
I'd come back but it
wouldn't last for long
I would, if I could,
but I can't
It's a shame, such a
shame, such a shame
- Mrs. Cowley?
- Oh oh!
Oh, honestly!
You policemen!
I'm always telling
Hector about that.
Creeping up on people.
I'm sorry.
There's something I wondered
if you could help us with.
Oh, yes?
Do you know if this
is Hector's jacket?
It could be, but then again
one policeman's uniform's
very much like another.
There are some initials inside.
Ah, I suppose that confirms it.
Hector is inclined to put labels
on things. Where did you get it?
It turned up yesterday,
in the pigsty over
at Sutch's place.
Pigsty?
Along with a pair of
police trousers, a boot,
and a policeman's whistle.
Good grief.
You wouldn't have any idea how they
could have got there, I suppose?
No. Why on earth would I?
He still hasn't been back, then?
Well, if he has,
I certainly haven't seen him.
- Isn't that a bit unusual?
- It depends, Constable.
On what?
Whether you happened to
be having words or not.
Did you and Hector
have words, then?
Our married life has been one
long history of having words.
Does he have any family?
A sister.
Would she know where he was?
Oh, I'm sure she would,
but I doubt if she'll help
you at the moment!
- Why not?
- She's away on holiday.
There's not been owt going
on, you know, Archie.
Going on?
Yeah, you know.
Hanky-panky or owt like that.
I mean, all I did was
offer her a bed,
in the spare room, you know.
I mean,
I tell you, to be honest,
I didn't even know she were
married until you turned up.
- She never told you?
- No, not a word.
You don't want to go
worrying yourself.
We're a very liberated couple,
me and Ellen, you know.
- Really?
- Aye!
Besides, she told me all about it when
she asked me to bring her things.
- What things?
- Clothes and that.
Like she said, this stay's worked out
longer than she originally thought.
Really?
A pearl beyond price, my wife.
In fact, the only thing that matters to
me in the world is my wife's happiness.
And if happiness for her
is moving in with you,
so be it.
Hang on, hang on, Archie.
I've got nowt like that in mind.
Now, that's the $64,000
question, Claude.
What does she have in mind?
I'll tell you this.
Once that woman
gets an idea in her head,
wild horses won't shift it.
Go and get two large Scotches.
The report from Forensics, sarge.
They've done all the tests. There's
no sign of blood on the clothing.
Not that that proves
anything either way, Rowan,
the state that clothing was in
after the pigs had finished with it.
Well, there is still the
wheelbarrow, sarge.
- Where's that now, then?
- Over at my place.
And you had something
in mind, did you?
Well, I was wondering if we
might show it to Mrs. Cowley.
See if she recognised it.
Why don't we both show her, Rowan?
Right, sarge.
Ellen!
I've brought somebody to see you.
Ellen?
Ellen, I've
- Where the devil has she got to?
- She's probably down the shops.
Always been very fond of
her shopping, has Ellen.
- Has she?
- Yeah.
What's that doing there?
I don't believe this.
Summat wrong is there, Claude?
I've been flaming robbed!
That's what's wrong!
This is the one, sarge.
Right. Well, we'll take it round to her,
see what she's got to say for herself.
What do you want, Greengrass?
I want her nicking.
You want who nicking?
Her as has just robbed me.
So, there's this woman
you've been shacking up with.
The moment's your back's turned,
helped herself to your petty cash,
is that right?
No, it's not right, because
there were no shacking up
as you call it, going on.
Well, how would you
describe it then?
- She were a guest.
- Oh, aye?
So how much do you estimate
was taken from this box, Claude?
Well, at least three quid,
could have been four.
She often goes through my pockets.
And where exactly do you fit into
this sad and sordid little saga, sir?
I'm her husband.
Her husband?
Well, it seems to me, Greengrass,
you've obviously had a right little
menage a trois going on at your place.
- What are you talking about?
- It's French, Claude.
I know what it is and
I know what it means.
It's not far short of being slander
cause it weren't like that.
Of course not.
Well, are you going to do
summat about it or not,
that's all I want to know?
I'll call round later and
get the details, Claude.
I won't hold my breath.
- Well, what's going on, Rowan?
- How do you mean, sarge?
Well, first Sweaty Betty,
now Greengrass.
Is there something in the water
round here these days?
THE WHITE STRIPES: I Just Don't
Know What To Do With Myself
I just don't know
what to do with myself
Don't know just
what to do with myself
I'm so used to doing
everything with you
Planning everything for two
And now that we're through
Can I help you?
What exactly you've been
burning here, Mrs. Cowley?
Just a few old jackets and things.
Do you often burn your
husband's clothes?
Only the ones I'm
sick of the sight of.
Hector does rather
hang on to his clothes
like he's saving
them for posterity.
So when he's out of the way,
I seize my opportunity.
Did you notice the wheelbarrow
parked round the front, Mrs. Cowley?
Yes.
- Yours, is it?
- No.
It was found abandoned
over at the Sutch's farm.
The day your husband's
uniform turned up.
Really?
So where's yours, then?
I don't actually possess a
wheelbarrow, Constable.
What? In a garden this size?
The garden isn't regarded as
my responsibility, sergeant.
Does Mr. Cowley own a wheelbarrow?
Oh, yes.
And unless I'm very much mistaken,
it's the one parked around
the front at the moment.
All right, Mrs. Cowley. Let's continue
this conversation inside, shall we?
Coppers round here
are a waste of time.
I guess they know it's mine,
they probably won't even bother.
Hello, Archie, love.
Ellen, my love!
How are you?
I'm fine, thank you. I brought
the case, just like you wanted.
- You found us, then?
- Yes, I brought some things
Excuse me Excuse me!
I'm sorry to break up
this happy family,
but do you know about this?
About what?
The money out of my box.
There were over three quid in there
when I went out this morning.
Three pound, ten
shilling to be exact.
So you're not denying
that you who took it, then?
Definitely not. What was I supposed
to use? My own money?
Use for what?
To get all this health food stuff.
What, you meant to say you've
spent my hard-earned brass
buying that load of muck?
Here's a list of everything I bought.
All accounted for.
And here's your change.
What there is of it.
Well, no crime's been committed,
no harm's been done.
And if you tell the police,
I'm sure they'll understand, Claude.
Police?
You mean to tell me he's
reported me to the police?
- Where is your husband?
- I've no idea!
People don't just disappear.
You do realised, madam, you could be
prosecuted for obstructing the police?
If you carry on like this.
Mrs. Cowley, your
husband's gone missing.
We've reason to believe something
might have happened to him.
Now will you please
stop playing games
and tell us what
all this is about.
The row was over her again.
Are you telling us there's
another woman involved?
- His sister, would you believe?
- His sister?
This time I told them.
Enough's enough. There's no
way I'm going, not this time.
Going where?
With her and her
husband, of course!
If you think Hector's boring,
you should see him.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Cowley.
I'm not really following this.
For the past decade, every year,
we've gone on holiday with them.
Now, that's his sister and
your husband, right?
In their dreary little caravan.
But this time, I told them.
I put my foot down.
I said, I don't want to.
I've had enough.
So, then what happened?
I've just told you.
I said, if you want
to go, go, I said, go.
And?
He went.
What, hang on, Mrs. Cowley.
For the past two days,
you've been telling me you've
no idea where he went.
I don't!
They could be anywhere.
We never knew where the caravan
was going to be parked, you see.
Till we got there.
She sees that as a further
little treat for us, I suppose.
Our annual holiday surprise!
Well, why didn't you tell us
all this in the first place,
instead of letting my constables
run round like headless chickens,
thinking he might
have been murdered?
Murdered
Well, thinking about it now
I should have, I suppose, but
I was worried, you see.
About what?
About dumping his uniform
in Sutch's pigsty like that.
I began thinking I'd
committed an offence.
You know
Being police property and that.
And you had, Mrs. Cowley.
Not to mention obstructing the police
in the execution of their duty.
Right. You might as well
have this while you're here.
It is addressed to you.
I imagine it's a letter from
Hector advising you
he won't be available for duty
while he's away on holiday.
- When was this written?
- A week ago.
He gave it to me to post.
It was just about the
time we had the row.
Another of my little
jobs as dutiful wife.
Post his letters for him.
Provide stamps.
All set then, my love?
Oh, yes.
If you want to change your
mind and stay a bit longer,
I've no objection.
Just take me home, Archie!
Right, love!
Thank you.
Hector, you're back!
So what's all this I heard about you
wanting to change your name
to Lazarus?
Sergeant Blaketon is in, is he?
Only, it's about my
uniform, you see.
I'm going to need
to have it replaced.
I'll just go and see, all right?
KNOCK ON DOOR
- Yes.
Special Constable Cowley, sarge.
He's just back from holiday,
and wanting to have a word
about his uniform.
Well, show him in, Rowan.
Show him in.
(Cowley.)
Sir.
Sit!
You, Cowley, are driving
me up the wall!
Seven seconds exactly.
I thought so.
He's slowing down.
Definitely slowing down.
Heartbeat
Why do you miss when
my baby kisses me?
Heartbeat
Why does a love kiss
stay in my memory? ♪