Robot Chicken s07e02 Episode Script
Link's Sausages
It's alive! 7x02 - Link's Sausages Gladys, it is time.
Oh, no.
I'm not going out like a bitch.
- Wha what are you doing? - Kicking your ass is what I'm doing.
- No, you aren't.
You're going out like a bitch.
- That's the thigh-master - [bleep.]
Oh, Reaper.
- Oh, Gladys.
- Oh, Reaper.
- Grandma? Come on, come on.
You're gonna flood the engine.
Don't pump the gas.
Could be your carburetor.
Pop the hood.
- Try it again.
- Sounds like - your carburetor.
- Just checked.
Looks fine.
- fuel pump, maybe.
- I could just call the auto club.
Did you check the distributor cap? - It rained last night.
- Yep, there's water in it.
Okay, try it now.
You fixed it.
Wow, thank you.
So, you know what we're gonna do now, right? - Whoo! Best night ever! - Best friends ever.
- Best ice cream ever.
- You guys got anywhere to be? - Actually - Yeah, right here.
Let's cruise.
Drop your weapon.
You have five seconds to comply.
You have four seconds to comply.
Get away from me! - Edward 209, what do you think you're doing? - He didn't drop the gun, mama.
- He did drop the gun.
- Aw, I'm sorry, mama.
You're coming home with me now.
You have five seconds to comply.
- Okay, mama.
You have four seconds to comply.
- But I said "okay, mama.
" - See how it feels, Edward? - What the [bleep.]
is going on? - Bud.
- Why.
Guys, I have cirrhosis of the liver.
- Bud.
- Why? Because I have a drinking problem.
Well, after crossing the freeway, base jumping off a cliff, and dodging bullets in a gang war, - we finally found my reptar doll.
- Tommy, what are you doing in the street? Oh, thank god.
They've been lost for hours.
Where were they? Stu, a word.
What the [bleep.]
Stu? - Well, I'm sorry.
The babies escaped, and I - Escaped? - They're babies, you sack-less moron.
- I was downstairs, working on - a new toy, and they just - Oh, a new toy.
Never mind, then.
Didi, if you keep ridiculing my work, - I-I swear to god - What? You'll hit me? - Ooh, you're such a man.
- Didi, stop.
I'll be the man.
See, Stu? I'm the man! I want a divorce.
These Al-Qaeda drivers are the best, and they plan to smuggle - a nuclear device across the Mexican border.
- Gonna have to fight fire with fire.
- You don't mean - That's right.
We're gonna need the baddest, brashest, ballsiest hot-shit drivers in the world, and I know just the assholes.
- Whoooo-ee.
- Your country needs you.
You in? Me and uncle Sam, we haven't always - seen eye-to-eye.
- We want our records scrubbed clean.
- Full pardons.
- One last job, and then we're out.
I'm really confused, and I want to go home.
- Go team! - I-I-I-I don't Nice remote-control car, you eccentric bitch.
- I'm gonna step on it.
- When people try to put me down, I use Punky power.
- "Punky power"? - It's what she calls - "believing in yourself.
" - Actually, Punky power is this! Oh, no.
I've heard of this.
The elders in my world spoke of the chosen one from Earth who would possess ultimate power.
I will destroy the world with Punky power.
Stop this, Punky.
- Don't destroy the world.
- I was abandoned in a grocery store.
Why shouldn't I destroy the world? It doesn't need me.
But I need you, Punky.
You're like my real daughter, and I would never abandon you - Never! - Do do you mean it? What should I do with the body? Who cares? She's not my real daughter.
By the power of Grayskull I have the power! Hey, could you not have the power at 3:00 A.
M.
? Some of us have to wake up in three hours, for [bleep.]
sake.
Nothing more for you here, - Agent Starling.
Fly, fly, fly.
- I bit my wrist.
- Look at the blood! - Agent Starling! Multiple miggs will suffer for that.
Buffalo Bill went by an alias once.
Mofet.
M-o-f-e-t.
Go now! - I really cut my wrists this time.
- Are you hurt? - Blammo! - Agent Starling! I didn't think Miggs could manage again so soon.
The answer is in the file.
- What does Buffalo Bill covet? Go now! - You want to adopt a kitten? - Where'd you get a kitten? - It's from my dick! Agent Starling! Are you retarded, Agent Starling? Stop letting Miggs hit you with his spooge.
Look, Bill hates his own identity and he thinks that makes him a transsexual.
Go now! Want to see a magic trick? - Well, I like magic.
- Abracadabra! Agent Starling! Miggs must have horse balls or something.
I've never seen anything like it.
Look, Buffalo Bill wasn't born a killer.
He was made one through years of systematic abuse.
Go now! Agent Starling! The exit is right here.
I don't think she's gonna catch that guy.
You know, Mr.
Mayor, more than just children celebrate Halloween.
So this year, why don't we cater - our celebration to adults? - What do you mean? When you're a child, Halloween is so sweet haunted houses, candy, and treats but after you turn 18, there's a brand-new reason for Halloween this is grown-up Halloween, this is grown-up Halloween grown-up, grown-up, Halloween, Halloween I am the girl who's dressed like a bee - # that's not a bee, I've seen a bee # - # I am the herpes in her underwear, # - # ready to jump out and give you a scare # - # Powerpuff Girls drink from # - # a flask shared by a douche in a Nixon mask # - # I don't have a condom on me # [bleep.]
it, this is Hallow this is grown-up Halloween, this is grown-up Halloween grown-up, grown-up, Halloween Halloween Our baby will be safe now.
On Earth, he'll be a god amongst men.
To think, you've found a way to stock enough food and oxygen to last his long journey.
I just shot a dead baby into space.
In other news, a topographical map of eternia has finally been completed.
- Snake Mountain is the tallest peak in eternia.
- It better not be.
Come on, man.
- There's clif bar wrappers everywhere now! - Littering is evil, Skeletor.
We're evil.
What's the problem? Ohh, I don't want to have this debate with you again, Evil-lyn.
You're talking about cartoon evil, not real-world evil, which is essentially - a heightened narcissism.
- Put it in your dissertation, professor.
- Wha there are laws! - Bro, we are gonna summit this thing, dude.
Hope you [bleep.]
die, dude.
Mother[bleep.]
.
When we blow up the peak of Snake Mountain, - it will cease to be the highest point in eternia.
- That seems like cutting off - your nose to spite your face.
- Well, I've done that, too, and I think the results speak - for themselves.
- # He was born in the land of avion # with feathers on his arms and a sweet-ass manly beard right from year one his mother called him Stratos his dad called him collect after never coming home from a beer run each cloud is a confidant - Get off my mountain! - Oh! Aah! Ou There! Light the fuse.
"Once I'm a safe distance away" is the rest of that sentence! - My arm! It's stuck! - Me too! It's "127 hours," man.
- We're Franco-ed.
We're Franco-ed! - We're not cutting off our - arms, jackass.
Someone will find us.
- Yeah, but if we wait too long, we won't have the strength to chew through the bone and tendon.
Yeah, let's have a little less "beast" and a little more "man.
" Son of a bitch! He wait, he's a hero.
He did this for me.
He sacrificed his arm so I wouldn't have to.
Oh, that Stratos douche was right.
The spirit of the mountain wait, hey, I have tear ducts? Well, nothing to do - but wait for Beast-man to bring help.
- Where's Skeletor? Sometimes you are too much beast.
Sure, I've heard.
Wait for it - How did you know that would work? - I didn't.
- Oh - Ugh, that is vile!
Oh, no.
I'm not going out like a bitch.
- Wha what are you doing? - Kicking your ass is what I'm doing.
- No, you aren't.
You're going out like a bitch.
- That's the thigh-master - [bleep.]
Oh, Reaper.
- Oh, Gladys.
- Oh, Reaper.
- Grandma? Come on, come on.
You're gonna flood the engine.
Don't pump the gas.
Could be your carburetor.
Pop the hood.
- Try it again.
- Sounds like - your carburetor.
- Just checked.
Looks fine.
- fuel pump, maybe.
- I could just call the auto club.
Did you check the distributor cap? - It rained last night.
- Yep, there's water in it.
Okay, try it now.
You fixed it.
Wow, thank you.
So, you know what we're gonna do now, right? - Whoo! Best night ever! - Best friends ever.
- Best ice cream ever.
- You guys got anywhere to be? - Actually - Yeah, right here.
Let's cruise.
Drop your weapon.
You have five seconds to comply.
You have four seconds to comply.
Get away from me! - Edward 209, what do you think you're doing? - He didn't drop the gun, mama.
- He did drop the gun.
- Aw, I'm sorry, mama.
You're coming home with me now.
You have five seconds to comply.
- Okay, mama.
You have four seconds to comply.
- But I said "okay, mama.
" - See how it feels, Edward? - What the [bleep.]
is going on? - Bud.
- Why.
Guys, I have cirrhosis of the liver.
- Bud.
- Why? Because I have a drinking problem.
Well, after crossing the freeway, base jumping off a cliff, and dodging bullets in a gang war, - we finally found my reptar doll.
- Tommy, what are you doing in the street? Oh, thank god.
They've been lost for hours.
Where were they? Stu, a word.
What the [bleep.]
Stu? - Well, I'm sorry.
The babies escaped, and I - Escaped? - They're babies, you sack-less moron.
- I was downstairs, working on - a new toy, and they just - Oh, a new toy.
Never mind, then.
Didi, if you keep ridiculing my work, - I-I swear to god - What? You'll hit me? - Ooh, you're such a man.
- Didi, stop.
I'll be the man.
See, Stu? I'm the man! I want a divorce.
These Al-Qaeda drivers are the best, and they plan to smuggle - a nuclear device across the Mexican border.
- Gonna have to fight fire with fire.
- You don't mean - That's right.
We're gonna need the baddest, brashest, ballsiest hot-shit drivers in the world, and I know just the assholes.
- Whoooo-ee.
- Your country needs you.
You in? Me and uncle Sam, we haven't always - seen eye-to-eye.
- We want our records scrubbed clean.
- Full pardons.
- One last job, and then we're out.
I'm really confused, and I want to go home.
- Go team! - I-I-I-I don't Nice remote-control car, you eccentric bitch.
- I'm gonna step on it.
- When people try to put me down, I use Punky power.
- "Punky power"? - It's what she calls - "believing in yourself.
" - Actually, Punky power is this! Oh, no.
I've heard of this.
The elders in my world spoke of the chosen one from Earth who would possess ultimate power.
I will destroy the world with Punky power.
Stop this, Punky.
- Don't destroy the world.
- I was abandoned in a grocery store.
Why shouldn't I destroy the world? It doesn't need me.
But I need you, Punky.
You're like my real daughter, and I would never abandon you - Never! - Do do you mean it? What should I do with the body? Who cares? She's not my real daughter.
By the power of Grayskull I have the power! Hey, could you not have the power at 3:00 A.
M.
? Some of us have to wake up in three hours, for [bleep.]
sake.
Nothing more for you here, - Agent Starling.
Fly, fly, fly.
- I bit my wrist.
- Look at the blood! - Agent Starling! Multiple miggs will suffer for that.
Buffalo Bill went by an alias once.
Mofet.
M-o-f-e-t.
Go now! - I really cut my wrists this time.
- Are you hurt? - Blammo! - Agent Starling! I didn't think Miggs could manage again so soon.
The answer is in the file.
- What does Buffalo Bill covet? Go now! - You want to adopt a kitten? - Where'd you get a kitten? - It's from my dick! Agent Starling! Are you retarded, Agent Starling? Stop letting Miggs hit you with his spooge.
Look, Bill hates his own identity and he thinks that makes him a transsexual.
Go now! Want to see a magic trick? - Well, I like magic.
- Abracadabra! Agent Starling! Miggs must have horse balls or something.
I've never seen anything like it.
Look, Buffalo Bill wasn't born a killer.
He was made one through years of systematic abuse.
Go now! Agent Starling! The exit is right here.
I don't think she's gonna catch that guy.
You know, Mr.
Mayor, more than just children celebrate Halloween.
So this year, why don't we cater - our celebration to adults? - What do you mean? When you're a child, Halloween is so sweet haunted houses, candy, and treats but after you turn 18, there's a brand-new reason for Halloween this is grown-up Halloween, this is grown-up Halloween grown-up, grown-up, Halloween, Halloween I am the girl who's dressed like a bee - # that's not a bee, I've seen a bee # - # I am the herpes in her underwear, # - # ready to jump out and give you a scare # - # Powerpuff Girls drink from # - # a flask shared by a douche in a Nixon mask # - # I don't have a condom on me # [bleep.]
it, this is Hallow this is grown-up Halloween, this is grown-up Halloween grown-up, grown-up, Halloween Halloween Our baby will be safe now.
On Earth, he'll be a god amongst men.
To think, you've found a way to stock enough food and oxygen to last his long journey.
I just shot a dead baby into space.
In other news, a topographical map of eternia has finally been completed.
- Snake Mountain is the tallest peak in eternia.
- It better not be.
Come on, man.
- There's clif bar wrappers everywhere now! - Littering is evil, Skeletor.
We're evil.
What's the problem? Ohh, I don't want to have this debate with you again, Evil-lyn.
You're talking about cartoon evil, not real-world evil, which is essentially - a heightened narcissism.
- Put it in your dissertation, professor.
- Wha there are laws! - Bro, we are gonna summit this thing, dude.
Hope you [bleep.]
die, dude.
Mother[bleep.]
.
When we blow up the peak of Snake Mountain, - it will cease to be the highest point in eternia.
- That seems like cutting off - your nose to spite your face.
- Well, I've done that, too, and I think the results speak - for themselves.
- # He was born in the land of avion # with feathers on his arms and a sweet-ass manly beard right from year one his mother called him Stratos his dad called him collect after never coming home from a beer run each cloud is a confidant - Get off my mountain! - Oh! Aah! Ou There! Light the fuse.
"Once I'm a safe distance away" is the rest of that sentence! - My arm! It's stuck! - Me too! It's "127 hours," man.
- We're Franco-ed.
We're Franco-ed! - We're not cutting off our - arms, jackass.
Someone will find us.
- Yeah, but if we wait too long, we won't have the strength to chew through the bone and tendon.
Yeah, let's have a little less "beast" and a little more "man.
" Son of a bitch! He wait, he's a hero.
He did this for me.
He sacrificed his arm so I wouldn't have to.
Oh, that Stratos douche was right.
The spirit of the mountain wait, hey, I have tear ducts? Well, nothing to do - but wait for Beast-man to bring help.
- Where's Skeletor? Sometimes you are too much beast.
Sure, I've heard.
Wait for it - How did you know that would work? - I didn't.
- Oh - Ugh, that is vile!