Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1993) s07e02 Episode Script
The Justice Hole
All right. I'll do it.
Do I get a gun?
Yeah, but use you own piece.
I can't be connected in, uh, any way.
Ahem.
Yeah, Dave.
That, uh Um Fair was, uhFun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You weren't at any fair.
I heard you telling Dave to shoot me in the brain with a
laser out behind the dumpster.
Oh, uh Oh, come on.
That doesn't sound like me.
That makes me sad.
I never said that.
Yeah, you did.
We're buds.
Well, I heard it.
I never said that, and I would never say that.
Dave heard it, didn't you, Dave?
Oh, now I remember.
I did tell him that, didn't I?
Are you gonna do anything about it, or are you just gonna
hold a grudge here?
I'm not gonna hold a grudge.
I'm just gonna go to my room and never
do the show again There you go.
And I won't speak to any of you ever again That'll work.
And since there's no food in my room,
I'll probably just die there.
Ok. Ahem.
How would that be, you fat babies?
Good.
Yeah. Good.
Ha ha!
Ok. This is my show now that Space Ghost is gone.
This is the "Dave Thomas show."
Yeah!
Space Ghost won't be able to be back for the rest of the day.
All right!
How about that?
So we forgot all about our good friend Space Ghost.
How tall are you?
About 7 feet.
7 feet tall?
Yeah. I'm pretty big.
I'm impressed.
I know.
"How tall are you?"
"I'm pretty tall."
How much can you bench-press?
Eh, about 320.
Ah, I could tell that from your overdeveloped quads.
Hey, Dave. Dave.
Ask me how tall-- how I can press.
Did it just get noisier in here?
It stopped.
Hear how quiet it got?
Uh, so how's the show going?
It's going pretty good.
As if I care.
It's funny.
Yeah. Too bad you're missing it.
What are you all talking about?
Not talking about anything now that you're here.
Actually, we were talking-- oh, I heard it.
Say, Dave Yeah?
Why don't you ask zorak about his hollow arms and how can
break one off and sip a drink through it?
Oh, God!
If you'd ever want to put your lips on it
Hey, I thought you were
leaving.
But I don't think you would want to put your lips on
something like that, would he, zorak?
Answer him. Answer me.
This ain't your show.
It's the "Dave Thomas show."
I'm not here for your show.
Your show is stupid, and I hate it, and I never liked it.
Uh-huh.
I never liked it, zorak.
Uh-huh.
I just came down to get my keys so I could drive over to
where my new friends are We don't care.
Where it's fun.
Well? Go get them.
What are you waiting for?
I don't know.
I thought I'd say hello to Dave.
Hey, Dave.
Greetings, Space Ghost.
All right. You did that.
Now get your keys.
Say, Dave, tell me about your new project.
Hey! That's enough.
Yeah, man. Leave.
I am leaving So leave.
I mean, you've been leaving for 5 minutes.
And I'm never coming back.
Good. Go. Bye.
When I go, that's it.
So Go!
Dave doesn't want you on his show.
Isn't that right, Dave?
No, no, no.
No, man.
You said it was your show.
Aw, come on.
Fine. I'm leaving.
All right. Go ahead.
All right. I will go ahead.
Then move it.
Yeah. Get out of here.
Hey, hey, let's show some of my old clips.
No!
Fine, you bunch of fat babies.
Don't expect me back here any time forever.
What a shame.
Oh, he's killing me.
Outside the hall of justice Is this hole.
Hey snakefish! My man!
Of justice.
Give me 5, my man.
I know you didn't ask me to,
but I went ahead and mowed your lawn, anyway.
Gee, thanks, uh, space, uh It's Space Ghost.
Yeah. That's what I said.
Here's $10.
Well, here.
Let me get you some change in my inviso-- hey! Look at that.
I turned invisible.
I don't want to tell you your job or anything, but I bet super
powers like that would come in pretty handy for you guys
around the hole of justice.
We can all do this.
Well, that makes us friends then, huh?
Hello. Hello? Hello?
Where are you?
Ha ha ha!
Hey, hoser, you take off.
Hey, take off, zorak.
Hey, wait.
You guys, you guys, guys You take off, eh?
Dave, Dave, tell me to take off.
Oh, come on.
Somebody tell me to take off, eh?
Ha ha ha!
Come on, do it.
Hey, take off, everyone.
Take it all off. Ha ha ha!
Ohh Aw, man.
What?
I thought you had some friends.
I do.
Then where are they?
Uh, they were all out visiting other friends, uh, that
I know through them.
Dave, do you mind if I just sit here until my friends tell me
where they are?
Yeah, I do mind.
It bothers me when people do that.
By "people," do you mean me?
Yeah.
Dave, is there a problem here?
No. No problem at all.
Because if there's a problem,
I have a solution.
No problem.
All right.
You just call me if you need anything, Dave.
Ok.
The "Dave Thomas show."
Ha ha! I love it.
He's not the host of the show.
Yeah, he is.
No, he isn't, and you shut up because
I'm about to conduct an interview.
All right, Space Ghost.
How thick is your neck?
I'll ask the questions, Dave.
How thick is my neck?
It's 48 inches.
That's a decent-sized neck.
Radius, Dave.
48-inch radius.
Radius.
How do you measure it, with a straightened coat hanger or--
I just cut my head off and count the rings on my esophagus.
Fair enough.
What's that on your jaw, Dave?
Oh, it's fat.
Thank you for even acknowledging that I have a jaw, Space Ghost.
Not much of one.
Hey.
What?
I'm a guest.
How about a little civility, Space Ghost?
Oh, you're the guest.
Then who's the host?
Of the "Space Ghost show"?
Yeah, Dave, the "Space Ghost show."
Uh, zorak?
Tell it on the Mountain.
Uh, no.
I--help me out here.
Moltar?
Screw you all to hell!
Ok.
How's it going, zorak?
Awesome, Dave.
I'm serious.
Give it your best shot, big boy.
Ha ha!
Think you need to take that in to the shop.
Ha ha!
You all in there?
I know you're in there.
No. I was just testing it.
Where is everyone?
They're-- they're out saving stuff.
I hope they save their appetites because
I just ordered us a large pizza.
You all like pizza, don't you?
Yeah. They won't be back for, like, a year.
They're way out on Mars.
That's funny.
I came by Mars on my way over, and it doesn't have any life.
Oh, gee. Look. You really-- you got to go.
I know you're invisible in there, you fat babies.
Ok. You ready?
Yeah.
All right. Start the music.
Oh, no!
Zorak, comments?
I'd say that Probably killed him.
No. I'm not dead.
I'm not dead. Check it out.
I can do that better, though.
Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt.
I'm just Space Ghost, the guy the show is named after.
Welcome mat is out for you, Space Ghost.
Nobody talk to me or look at me.
All right. We won't.
You want to get out of the shot?
Am I in the way here?
Gosh, I hope not.
You're kind of a one-trick pony, aren't you, Space Ghost?
I didn't realize it was my show.
Take your time, Space Ghost.
I got all day.
Well, I don't, Dave, because I am a busy man.
Hey, Dave, where'd you get that blazer?
Well I'm back.
Sorry to hear that.
Anything I could help you with?
Yeah. You can help me with this toilet paper because I'm
going back to your earth and roll the entire godforsaken
planet starting with snakefish and his stupid hole of justice
because I'm better than them, aren't I?
Well I'm a superhero and a super artist.
I sense sometimes a little insecurity, maybe a little kind
of self-identify problem.
So you think I have a problem.
Not specifically, but it's always
good to keep an open mind about--
well, I'll open his mind.
Oh, with what, I hammer?
You were gonna say that. I know.
That's not what I was gonna say.
Well, then, with what?
What was it gonna be?
What sort of carpenter's tool were you gonna use on my skull?
What are you talking about?
I know you said it.
Have you ever-- he said it, Dave.
Have you ever seen a-- not a shrink, maybe just a counselor?
All the time, in Jerusalem.
Wait, what?
Oh, never mind.
No, no, no. Come on.
I'm listening.
Somebody who might be able to sit in a nice zero-gravity
environment with you and the two of you could kind of lob
questions back and forth.
Like me?
Yeah. Like zorak.
No. Not like zorak.
Somebody who reads.
Moltar has an education-- a doctorate.
Says so on his degree, right, Moltar?
Show me your heinie.
No. Not like Moltar.
Somebody who has an education.
Show me the heinie!
No. He does have an education.
I want to see it.
I'm making a suggestion here.
You hire someone for 105 bucks an hour.
How about you?
What about me?
You do it. I command it.
All right.
Let's give it a whirl.
How do you feel about yourself, Space Ghost?
Oh, I would have to say that I'm the bomb, "a" number one.
Ok, and what's wrong with being number two?
Did I ask you a ridiculously hard question?
You did.
Let's go back to number one, then.
Yes, and let's start calling me number one.
And as number one-- "a" number one, the bomb.
You ever feel like you'd like to have someone to talk to
Show me the heinie!
Put your pants on.
I mean, other than zorak and Moltar?
You mean like, um-- like girls?
Yeah, girls.
I don't need no woman banging on the bathroom door saying she
has to go to the bathroom when I'm in the bathroom.
It's my bathroom.
I think you've been out here a little too long.
Yeah. Go out to the dumpster where it's beautiful.
No.
It's beautiful, man.
You will so love it.
No.
It's cold at the dumpster.
It's gonna get a lot colder, too, if you keep staying out
here by yourself.
Come on. Live a little.
Well, I like to dance.
No kidding.
Well, that's a start.
I mean, really like to dance.
Mm-hmm.
Well, that's what a lot of teenage girls do when they're
growing up, but you're number one.
You got to get beyond that.
Yeah? Well, let's start calling me number one.
How about that?
Listen. I didn't come here to make you feel bad.
I have tremendous respect for you, Space Ghost, but under the
category and heading of self-improvement, there's always
room, even at the top, to make yourself a little better.
Well, thanks, Dave.
I never thought about it that way.
Never thought about anything except for--
I never thought about anything.
Zorak, Moltar, take care of this guy.
He's lonely.
Zorak, Moltar, hop in the cruiser.
We're gonna roll earth.
No way, man.
Yeah. Dave and I are going out for a drink.
Oh, am I?
Oh, me too.
I'm going, too, right?
Yeah. Don't you remember?
I was talking about us going out, uh, taking Moltar maybe.
I do.
Yeah.
Uh, ok if I come?
No. Uh, we're all sick.
See you.
Busca la verdad. La-- it's a free country.
Then feel free to bite my ass, huh?
Yeah. Bring your snake ass over here and say that.
I just did, and you didn't do anything.
I'll do whatever I want.
It's a free country.
Ho ho ho!
What's so funny? Aah!
Do I get a gun?
Yeah, but use you own piece.
I can't be connected in, uh, any way.
Ahem.
Yeah, Dave.
That, uh Um Fair was, uhFun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You weren't at any fair.
I heard you telling Dave to shoot me in the brain with a
laser out behind the dumpster.
Oh, uh Oh, come on.
That doesn't sound like me.
That makes me sad.
I never said that.
Yeah, you did.
We're buds.
Well, I heard it.
I never said that, and I would never say that.
Dave heard it, didn't you, Dave?
Oh, now I remember.
I did tell him that, didn't I?
Are you gonna do anything about it, or are you just gonna
hold a grudge here?
I'm not gonna hold a grudge.
I'm just gonna go to my room and never
do the show again There you go.
And I won't speak to any of you ever again That'll work.
And since there's no food in my room,
I'll probably just die there.
Ok. Ahem.
How would that be, you fat babies?
Good.
Yeah. Good.
Ha ha!
Ok. This is my show now that Space Ghost is gone.
This is the "Dave Thomas show."
Yeah!
Space Ghost won't be able to be back for the rest of the day.
All right!
How about that?
So we forgot all about our good friend Space Ghost.
How tall are you?
About 7 feet.
7 feet tall?
Yeah. I'm pretty big.
I'm impressed.
I know.
"How tall are you?"
"I'm pretty tall."
How much can you bench-press?
Eh, about 320.
Ah, I could tell that from your overdeveloped quads.
Hey, Dave. Dave.
Ask me how tall-- how I can press.
Did it just get noisier in here?
It stopped.
Hear how quiet it got?
Uh, so how's the show going?
It's going pretty good.
As if I care.
It's funny.
Yeah. Too bad you're missing it.
What are you all talking about?
Not talking about anything now that you're here.
Actually, we were talking-- oh, I heard it.
Say, Dave Yeah?
Why don't you ask zorak about his hollow arms and how can
break one off and sip a drink through it?
Oh, God!
If you'd ever want to put your lips on it
Hey, I thought you were
leaving.
But I don't think you would want to put your lips on
something like that, would he, zorak?
Answer him. Answer me.
This ain't your show.
It's the "Dave Thomas show."
I'm not here for your show.
Your show is stupid, and I hate it, and I never liked it.
Uh-huh.
I never liked it, zorak.
Uh-huh.
I just came down to get my keys so I could drive over to
where my new friends are We don't care.
Where it's fun.
Well? Go get them.
What are you waiting for?
I don't know.
I thought I'd say hello to Dave.
Hey, Dave.
Greetings, Space Ghost.
All right. You did that.
Now get your keys.
Say, Dave, tell me about your new project.
Hey! That's enough.
Yeah, man. Leave.
I am leaving So leave.
I mean, you've been leaving for 5 minutes.
And I'm never coming back.
Good. Go. Bye.
When I go, that's it.
So Go!
Dave doesn't want you on his show.
Isn't that right, Dave?
No, no, no.
No, man.
You said it was your show.
Aw, come on.
Fine. I'm leaving.
All right. Go ahead.
All right. I will go ahead.
Then move it.
Yeah. Get out of here.
Hey, hey, let's show some of my old clips.
No!
Fine, you bunch of fat babies.
Don't expect me back here any time forever.
What a shame.
Oh, he's killing me.
Outside the hall of justice Is this hole.
Hey snakefish! My man!
Of justice.
Give me 5, my man.
I know you didn't ask me to,
but I went ahead and mowed your lawn, anyway.
Gee, thanks, uh, space, uh It's Space Ghost.
Yeah. That's what I said.
Here's $10.
Well, here.
Let me get you some change in my inviso-- hey! Look at that.
I turned invisible.
I don't want to tell you your job or anything, but I bet super
powers like that would come in pretty handy for you guys
around the hole of justice.
We can all do this.
Well, that makes us friends then, huh?
Hello. Hello? Hello?
Where are you?
Ha ha ha!
Hey, hoser, you take off.
Hey, take off, zorak.
Hey, wait.
You guys, you guys, guys You take off, eh?
Dave, Dave, tell me to take off.
Oh, come on.
Somebody tell me to take off, eh?
Ha ha ha!
Come on, do it.
Hey, take off, everyone.
Take it all off. Ha ha ha!
Ohh Aw, man.
What?
I thought you had some friends.
I do.
Then where are they?
Uh, they were all out visiting other friends, uh, that
I know through them.
Dave, do you mind if I just sit here until my friends tell me
where they are?
Yeah, I do mind.
It bothers me when people do that.
By "people," do you mean me?
Yeah.
Dave, is there a problem here?
No. No problem at all.
Because if there's a problem,
I have a solution.
No problem.
All right.
You just call me if you need anything, Dave.
Ok.
The "Dave Thomas show."
Ha ha! I love it.
He's not the host of the show.
Yeah, he is.
No, he isn't, and you shut up because
I'm about to conduct an interview.
All right, Space Ghost.
How thick is your neck?
I'll ask the questions, Dave.
How thick is my neck?
It's 48 inches.
That's a decent-sized neck.
Radius, Dave.
48-inch radius.
Radius.
How do you measure it, with a straightened coat hanger or--
I just cut my head off and count the rings on my esophagus.
Fair enough.
What's that on your jaw, Dave?
Oh, it's fat.
Thank you for even acknowledging that I have a jaw, Space Ghost.
Not much of one.
Hey.
What?
I'm a guest.
How about a little civility, Space Ghost?
Oh, you're the guest.
Then who's the host?
Of the "Space Ghost show"?
Yeah, Dave, the "Space Ghost show."
Uh, zorak?
Tell it on the Mountain.
Uh, no.
I--help me out here.
Moltar?
Screw you all to hell!
Ok.
How's it going, zorak?
Awesome, Dave.
I'm serious.
Give it your best shot, big boy.
Ha ha!
Think you need to take that in to the shop.
Ha ha!
You all in there?
I know you're in there.
No. I was just testing it.
Where is everyone?
They're-- they're out saving stuff.
I hope they save their appetites because
I just ordered us a large pizza.
You all like pizza, don't you?
Yeah. They won't be back for, like, a year.
They're way out on Mars.
That's funny.
I came by Mars on my way over, and it doesn't have any life.
Oh, gee. Look. You really-- you got to go.
I know you're invisible in there, you fat babies.
Ok. You ready?
Yeah.
All right. Start the music.
Oh, no!
Zorak, comments?
I'd say that Probably killed him.
No. I'm not dead.
I'm not dead. Check it out.
I can do that better, though.
Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt.
I'm just Space Ghost, the guy the show is named after.
Welcome mat is out for you, Space Ghost.
Nobody talk to me or look at me.
All right. We won't.
You want to get out of the shot?
Am I in the way here?
Gosh, I hope not.
You're kind of a one-trick pony, aren't you, Space Ghost?
I didn't realize it was my show.
Take your time, Space Ghost.
I got all day.
Well, I don't, Dave, because I am a busy man.
Hey, Dave, where'd you get that blazer?
Well I'm back.
Sorry to hear that.
Anything I could help you with?
Yeah. You can help me with this toilet paper because I'm
going back to your earth and roll the entire godforsaken
planet starting with snakefish and his stupid hole of justice
because I'm better than them, aren't I?
Well I'm a superhero and a super artist.
I sense sometimes a little insecurity, maybe a little kind
of self-identify problem.
So you think I have a problem.
Not specifically, but it's always
good to keep an open mind about--
well, I'll open his mind.
Oh, with what, I hammer?
You were gonna say that. I know.
That's not what I was gonna say.
Well, then, with what?
What was it gonna be?
What sort of carpenter's tool were you gonna use on my skull?
What are you talking about?
I know you said it.
Have you ever-- he said it, Dave.
Have you ever seen a-- not a shrink, maybe just a counselor?
All the time, in Jerusalem.
Wait, what?
Oh, never mind.
No, no, no. Come on.
I'm listening.
Somebody who might be able to sit in a nice zero-gravity
environment with you and the two of you could kind of lob
questions back and forth.
Like me?
Yeah. Like zorak.
No. Not like zorak.
Somebody who reads.
Moltar has an education-- a doctorate.
Says so on his degree, right, Moltar?
Show me your heinie.
No. Not like Moltar.
Somebody who has an education.
Show me the heinie!
No. He does have an education.
I want to see it.
I'm making a suggestion here.
You hire someone for 105 bucks an hour.
How about you?
What about me?
You do it. I command it.
All right.
Let's give it a whirl.
How do you feel about yourself, Space Ghost?
Oh, I would have to say that I'm the bomb, "a" number one.
Ok, and what's wrong with being number two?
Did I ask you a ridiculously hard question?
You did.
Let's go back to number one, then.
Yes, and let's start calling me number one.
And as number one-- "a" number one, the bomb.
You ever feel like you'd like to have someone to talk to
Show me the heinie!
Put your pants on.
I mean, other than zorak and Moltar?
You mean like, um-- like girls?
Yeah, girls.
I don't need no woman banging on the bathroom door saying she
has to go to the bathroom when I'm in the bathroom.
It's my bathroom.
I think you've been out here a little too long.
Yeah. Go out to the dumpster where it's beautiful.
No.
It's beautiful, man.
You will so love it.
No.
It's cold at the dumpster.
It's gonna get a lot colder, too, if you keep staying out
here by yourself.
Come on. Live a little.
Well, I like to dance.
No kidding.
Well, that's a start.
I mean, really like to dance.
Mm-hmm.
Well, that's what a lot of teenage girls do when they're
growing up, but you're number one.
You got to get beyond that.
Yeah? Well, let's start calling me number one.
How about that?
Listen. I didn't come here to make you feel bad.
I have tremendous respect for you, Space Ghost, but under the
category and heading of self-improvement, there's always
room, even at the top, to make yourself a little better.
Well, thanks, Dave.
I never thought about it that way.
Never thought about anything except for--
I never thought about anything.
Zorak, Moltar, take care of this guy.
He's lonely.
Zorak, Moltar, hop in the cruiser.
We're gonna roll earth.
No way, man.
Yeah. Dave and I are going out for a drink.
Oh, am I?
Oh, me too.
I'm going, too, right?
Yeah. Don't you remember?
I was talking about us going out, uh, taking Moltar maybe.
I do.
Yeah.
Uh, ok if I come?
No. Uh, we're all sick.
See you.
Busca la verdad. La-- it's a free country.
Then feel free to bite my ass, huh?
Yeah. Bring your snake ass over here and say that.
I just did, and you didn't do anything.
I'll do whatever I want.
It's a free country.
Ho ho ho!
What's so funny? Aah!