The Croods: Family Tree (2021) s07e02 Episode Script

1
[grunts in effort]
-[scream]
-[growls]
-Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
It's my favorite time
of the day.
Pie time!
-[Gran yells]
-Oh!
-[grunts]
No time for pie.
Point your eyes at the sky
'cause the Fire Moon's
on the rise!
ALL:
Fire Moon.
ALL:
Fire Moon?
-That's right, slow leaks.
Now uncork your hearing holes
and try to keep up.
In the beginning,
there was a warrior goddess
who protected the Earth
from all kinds of threats.
Tidal waves, avalanches,
those spinny, windy things.
But the biggest menace
of all was the sun.
-Never trust the sun!
-[evil laughter]
So the warrior goddess
flew to the sky
and took care of that hothead.
But she needed to
keep an eye on the sun,
so she became the moon.
She's been there ever since.
During the three nights
the moon is orange,
you know It's fighting with
the sun to keep us safe.
And that's why we leave gifts
on the Moon Rock
for three nights
starting tonight.
-And what happens if we don't
give gifts to the Fire Moon?
-Oh, not much.
Just a whole heap of bad luck
that'll have you begging
for mercy that'll never come.
The moon may be a hero,
but it's got a temper if it
doesn't get what's coming to it.
[Phil laughing]
-That is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
[both gasp]
And the reason
the moon appears orange
is not because it's engaged
in combat with the sun.
It's simply a rare,
albeit explainable,
celestial phenomenon.
-Yeah, I gotta agree with Phil
on this one.
Sure, there's bad luck,
but it's not caused by the moon.
-[both gasp deeply]
-No disrespect, Gran.
I mean, you're obviously filled
with a lot of wisdom
because you've been around
for a really long time.
But I'm not saying you're old
because you're not.
You're just a long liver?
-Can I start over?
-Or stop digging, Guy-boy.
-Well, what are you waitin' for?
Quit your lip-gabbin'
and start your gift-grabbin'.
Now!
[all gasping, panting]
[grunts] Good thinkin',
meat-neck. The moon loves pie.
-But so do I.
Let's live wild,
the world's our own
We built this wheel
now it's gunna roll
You know a spark
becomes a fire wherever we go
Whoa-ho-ho
Stuck together,
stuck, stuck together
It's an evolution
for worse or for better
To find some unity
For all humanity
Because we're
stuck together
In one big family tree
PHIL: Hmm.
GUY: I'm flattered you
asked me to help you
with your latest
invention, Phil.
The truth is, I thought
you didn't respect my ideas.
PHIL:
I don't.
But I appreciate your support
as it pertains to
outrageous moon myths.
-Happy to help, Phil.
I'm an open-minded person,
but bribe the moon
or you're cursed?
[laughs] That's a stretch.
-Precisely.
More importantly, I need you to
test my invention's
safety measures.
-Oh, so I'm a test dummy.
-Nonsense.
Test dummies can't feel pain.
Behold,
the Betterman Far Fetcher.
It fetches things from afar.
-Silence!
-I didn't say anything.
-Now watch as
the Far Fetcher grabs the rock
and returns it to me.
-[gasps] Ow!
What happened to
the safety measures?
-I didn't install any.
So the test was a success!
-Hey, Guy-baby.
What's wrong with your foot?
-Phil's new invention hit me.
-Or you got in the invention's
way. That's far more plausible.
Now, what do you two want?
-Can I borrow a glow lamp?
-Yes, fine.
-And your table ballista?
-PHIL: Yes.
-EEP: And your Speak-In-Shell?
-PHIL: Gah!
Fine! But-but what do you
need these things for?
-Gifts for the Fire Moon.
Thanks!
-[gasps] Absolutely not!
Because the moon
doesn't cause bad luck,
regardless of its color.
-[both gasp deeply]
-[gasping]
-Why do you keep doing that?
-Mock the Fire Moon,
back luck coming soon.
-Knock on solid wood,
things are looking good.
-It's just a thing we do
to boost our good luck.
Even if it doesn't work,
it's still fun to say.
-But it works.
-Pshaw!
More worthless superstition.
-Look, Phil, I get it.
The first time Gran told me
I had to give the moon a gift,
I laughed it off too.
But the next day,
I almost drowned.
In the desert.
I haven't skipped
a Fire Moon gift since.
-And you better give
something good.
When I was little,
I didn't wanna give
my favorite blanket away.
The next day, I woke up
cuddling with a raccobra!
The Fire Moon
does cause bad luck.
-Come on, Eep,
let's check the kitchen
for more stuff
to give to the moon.
EEP:
Yeah. Like spoons!
-No! Leave the flatware alone.
-EEP: Or bowls!
-And the roundware.
In fact, avoid all the wares!
Especially mine.
-Phil, where are you going?
-To secure our valuables
before moon muggers pilfer them.
-But what about this?
-Oh, you'll be fine.
As soon as
the safety measures kick in.
-You didn't install
any safety measures.
-In that case, I'm sorry.
-For what?
-[screams]
Always on that foot!
-Oh, thank the stars.
You're already hiding
our possessions.
Lunar looters are no match
for this family.
Oh, well played, Bettermans.
-Oh, we're not
hiding this stuff, Dad.
-[gasps] Are we finally
abandoning the tree house
to start anew
without the Croods?
Drastic.
But they leave us little choice.
If I never see the Croods again,
it will be too soon.
I mean, they actually believe
if you don't offer
the moon gifts,
you'll experience bad luck.
-Yes. Which is why we're
gathering all this stuff
to give to the moon.
You don't ever wear this,
do you?
-Of course, I do.
It's my favorite robe!
Don't tell me you believe
in all of this moon madness.
-Of course not.
But better to be safe
than sorry.
-Yeah. I don't take chances
with anything in the sky.
Or on the ground.
Or in the water.
[grunts]
The moon's gonna love this.
-[gasps] I love it,
because it's mine!
And the moon
doesn't cause bad luck.
-Knock on solid wood.
-Things are looking good.
-Malarkey! Pure malarkey!
GRAN:
Oh, Fire Moon,
please accept our tribute of,
um this thing.
PHIL:
It's a sandal.
And it isn't for moons.
It's for men.
Specifically this men.
I mean, man. Because it's mine.
-[gasps] Well, the moon
is not gonna like that one bit.
-Yeah, I'm-I'm just
gonna not be by you.
-Phil, you're not here
to give gifts to the moon,
you're here to cause trouble.
So just get out of here.
-Oh, no.
We brought gifts.
Guy, where did we
put those gifts of ours?
-I
-Perhaps they're over here.
[gasps] Or maybe
we left them over there.
Ah, now I remember.
They're nowhere.
-Yeah,
that felt really unnecessary.
-And the reason
they're nowhere
-Oh, we're still doing this?
-is because
we didn't bring any!
[sighs deeply]
-Wow! Great twist.
-Because we don't believe
in this moon mumbo-jumbo.
[all gasp]
ALL: Knock on solid wood,
things are looking good.
-Stop doing that!
[grunting]
-Don't do it, Grug.
Don't you do it!
-[grunting continues]
-[squeals]
-Phil, we know you don't believe
in this, so why are you here?
-We are here to observe
an exercise in futility.
Isn't that right, Guy?
-The words Phil just said
are his own
and do not necessarily reflect
the views and opinions of,
uh, Guy.
-Okay. So why are you here, Guy?
-Curiosity. And I thought
there might be snacks.
-And you'll see, tomorrow
Guy and I
won't experience any bad luck
despite your foolish warnings.
-Wow. Tense moment, huh?
Also, Guy said something
about snacks.
-[Eep sighs]
-[birds chirping]
EEP:
What a beautiful morning.
The sun is shining,
the birds or bird-like things
are chirping
and there wasn't a raccobra
in my bed.
Which means our
moon gifts were a hit.
-I still don't understand
how the moon
is able to take the gifts.
I mean,
does the moon have hands?
-All I know is
on the way to breakfast,
I almost stepped on a
sharp rock, but then I didn't.
[laughs] Bad luck averted.
-[screams] Sharp rock!
-Stepped on a sharp rock,
did you, Phil?
Hmm. Talk about bad luck.
Also, I'm just gonna sit over
[grunts]
-Don't read into it.
The farm is littered
with sharp rocks.
Stepping on one
is an inevitability.
-Sure. Or it's the moon
getting its revenge.
Either way, it's bad luck.
-Preposterous.
-GUY: Sorry I'm late.
My door was stuck and
it took me forever to open it.
-Been there, G-man.
Why are doors so complicated?
-It sounds like
more bad luck to me.
Mess with the moon,
you get the door.
-What? No.
Doors get stuck all the time.
That's just doors.
-Yep. You can't control doors
unless you're a doorknob.
-Or the door was stuck due to
excess moisture in the air.
You see, there's always
a logical explanation.
[screams]
-Well,
good luck with that logic.
Dawn and I have
a rollerlog date with destiny.
-Rollerlogging? [laughs]
I'm in.
[Guy groans]
-Maybe not a great idea
for you today, Guy-baby.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
-Am I sure I wanna do
my favorite thing in the world
on the thing I invented?
Yes. Why wouldn't I?
-Because you snubbed
the Fire Moon
so now you're in
a bad luck spiral?
-Not a problem,
'cause I don't believe
the moon causes bad luck.
Race you to the bottom.
[gasps]
My fault.
Forgot to tighten my wheels.
No problem, I can fix it.
After I-I get some new wheels.
And a new rollerlog.
You know what?
Roller rain check.
I'm gonna hang out with Thunk.
[screams]
[body thuds]
I'm fine. Happens all the time.
PHIL: You believe in
the Fire Moon malarkey?
I'm disappointed, Philliam.
I thought you were
a stick of science.
Yes! Victory is as good as mine.
[growling]
Save your gripery
and lose like a stick-man.
Wait. You don't growl.
You're Philliam, not
-[growls]
-A raccobra!
[screams]
-It doesn't have to be big,
Guy-boy.
Just leave the moon a banana
or something.
I don't want a tree or a boulder
or anything to fall on you.
-Trust me, Eep.
I'm gonna be fine.
Nothing bad
is gonna happen to me.
-[sighs]
Okay, Guy-boy.
-Go long.
-I'm open!
-[Guy pants]
-Guy, look out!
-[yells] Oof!
Close one.
Thanks, Eep!
[screams] Ooh!
GUY:
I'm okay.
Except for my legs.
And arms. And body. And head.
PHIL:
Aha!
The brakes were worn thin.
Crisis averted.
Thanks to Phil Betterman,
problem conqueror.
Dawn? Hammer.
-Sorry, Dad, but I don't think
it's a good idea for you
to use a hammer.
Or be near a roller coaster.
Or walk around
without some kind of body armor.
Ooh,
you could use my progress pod.
-Ugh. I told your mother
if we let the Croods
live on the farm,
their ignorance
would spread like wildfire.
And here we are, engulfed
in an ignorance inferno.
Hammer, please.
-What if I gave the moon a gift
but said it was from both of us?
-Absolutely not.
Now hammer me!
[Phil grunting]
-[Phil screams]
-Dad!
PHIL: [screaming]
Pure coincidence. Nothing more!
-Ready or not, Sandy,
here I come.
-[rustling]
-And there she is.
[screams]
You're not Sandy.
[branch snaps]
[screams]
That was close.
[panting]
[gasping]
Too close!
[pants]
[sighs]
What is going on with the
Ooh. Easy, Guy.
You're inside a tree.
Not great,
but it could be worse.
[growling]
Sandy, is that you?
-[roars]
-You're not Sandy!
-[growling]
-[Guy screaming]
-For the last time, Hope,
roller coasters operate
on their own
without reason or explanation
all the time.
-Are you listening to yourself?
-Constantly.
In fact, I almost never listen
to anyone else.
-[screams]
-[thuds]
-Phil,
did you go down without me?
Seriously?
-Eat up! It's the second night
of the Fire Moon
and we've got
more gifts to give.
-Ooh, do I smell mashed burnips?
Was it something I said?
-Not this time.
We're leaving because of
your bad luck.
-Yeah. We don't wanna catch it.
Sorry, Dad.
-Don't worry, Guy-baby.
This is just until you
change your mind.
-Fine. More for us.
-Still plenty of food left.
-[gasps]
-Just gonna grab a little more.
-You know, Phil, maybe we should
get on board with the Fire Moon.
Sure, bad things have
happened to me before,
but not all at once.
And frankly,
I'm a little scared.
-Understandable.
Because you're a coward.
But I have a solution.
-Gifts?
-Exactly.
We're going to take
the Fire Moon's gifts.
That will debunk this duncery
once and for all!
-Wait, did you say "take"?
Explain how this is
a good idea again?
-It's not a good idea.
It's the greatest idea ever.
And it's quite simple.
-First, we take the gifts.
-Rocky start.
-After nothing bad
happens to the others,
we tell them what we did.
-Getting worse.
-Then they bow down before us,
thanking us for freeing them
from the shackles
of their mindless superstition.
Now I'll take this cup.
You carry the rest.
-And all bad.
[screams]
-I feel bad.
Do we really need
to make them sit that far away?
-Yes. This is the best breakfast
we've ever had here.
We should have done this
a while ago.
-Maybe Eep's right.
I mean, look at them.
-[groans in disgust]
-We didn't do this, they did.
They can rejoin us as soon as
they stop being so stubborn.
Until then,
we have to play it safe.
-This is humiliating.
-A small price to pay
for sweet vindication.
They'll go the whole day
without bad luck
and then we'll reveal the truth
that the Fire Moon isn't real.
-[all gasp]
-[buzzing]
ALL: [screaming]
Boarnets!
[all screaming]
-Eh. Perfectly normal.
Eat your eggs.
[grunting and snorting]
[squealing]
[screaming]
[chuckling]
[screams]
-Hmm.
[grunting in effort]
[screams]
Oh, no. I'm stuck!
[scatting]
-Huh?
-[rumbling]
[gasps]
[screaming]
-[Gran laughs]
-[Ugga grunts]
[both grunting]
[both screaming]
[Grug grunting in effort]
-Oh, no. I'm trapped
in my favorite place.
I have mixed feelings,
but I'll go with fear
and jumping!
[Grug grunting]
[screaming]
-[screaming]
-[Grug grunting]
-[screaming continues]
-[grunting continues]
-This is bad,
and it's all our fault.
-We don't know that, Guy.
Just because we stole
the Fire Moon gifts
doesn't mean we're to blame
for their otherwise inexplicable
string of misfortune.
But just in case we are,
let's never tell them.
-Good call.
I mean, can you imagine?
Hey.
Phil,
isn't this your speak-in-shell?
[gasps] Oh, no.
Do you think they heard us?
Why did I even ask?
-You should run.
It won't save you.
But it will be more fun for us.
-I'll admit there does seem
to be some causality,
but I assure you there's
a reasonable explanation.
After all, if there wasn't,
how could Thunk be enjoying
a tasty snack of bug nuggets?
-You mean rock nuggets, Phil.
And rocks aren't tasty,
not without some kind of
dip or something.
[crunching]
-Okay,
so how do you explain that?
-Rock slide in the kitchen?
-Do you even believe that, Phil?
-Of course not.
It's patently absurd.
Which means there's only
one reasonable explanation,
the Fire Moon is real!
-What do we do, Gran?
What do we do?
-First, take your paws off me
if you wanna keep 'em.
-Done. Now what?
-Now we say goodbye. So, bye.
I'll miss you both.
But really, I won't!
-No. Now you do nothing.
-Really?
-Yep.
'Cause there's nothing
you can do.
BOTH: [screaming]
No!
-Wait. Actually,
there is something you can do,
but it's dangerous.
-Yes!
-And you gotta do it
before the break of dawn.
Just you two. Alone.
-What is it? We'll do anything!
-There's only one thing
that will appease the Fire Moon.
The horn of a ramaconda!
-I love this plan.
-Yeah. I was thinking
more fruit basket,
maybe a melon medley?
-Sure thing, tappy toes.
As long as there's a
ramaconda horn in it.
'Cause if there isn't,
we'll all be cursed
with bad luck forever.
-Forever?
-That's what I said!
-I believe in you, Phil.
You can do this.
Because if you don't,
bad luck will be
the least of your concerns.
-I'd get a move on.
It's a long way to
the shock swamp.
-Wait, Guy, before you go
-Ugh! We don't have time
for mawkish sentimentality.
-You're leaving without me?
-No.
I'm saying goodbye to Philliam.
I may never see him again.
-I want you to take this.
Aardshark tooth in hand,
you won't,
uh lose your hand.
Sorry, I just made that one up.
But aardshark teeth
are supposed to bring good luck.
And you're gonna need
all the luck you can get.
[gasps]
-I can't believe this.
If the Fire Moon is real,
perhaps everything I've ever
known to be true is a lie.
-Or it's just this one thing.
[grunting]
Phil, what are you doing?
-I was trying to grab
your collar
to shake some sense into you,
but since you refuse
to wear a shirt,
I'm grabbing your foot instead.
Now be still while I shake it.
[both grunt]
[groans]
-Phil, relax.
Everything's gonna be fine.
-No, it's not.
We've got so much bad luck.
It's like a second skin.
And even if we managed to obtain
a ramaconda horn,
which we likely won't
because of said bad luck,
we'll never escape
the shock swamp alive.
Those ramacondas will burn us.
Or eat us.
Or both!
Probably both, actually.
-None of that's gonna happen
because of this.
Knock on solid wood,
things are looking good.
-I'm still struggling to see
how simple rhymes
can boost our fortune.
But what choice do I have?
-Don't step on a crack,
keep your life intact.
-Also not sure
how stepping on a crack
would disrupt one's life
in any way,
but it's worth a shot.
[Phil grunts]
Whoa.
[both gasp]
-Shaky bridge about to drop,
raise a foot and start to hop.
[grunting]
-Really?
Hopping seems like the last
thing to do in this situation.
[both scream]
-[laughs] It worked!
-Did it?
Let me try this one.
Skip the ladder or
you'll be, uh, flatter?
-Or let's just take the ladder?
-Too risky. Inane rhymery
is our only hope.
Now climb.
[grunting]
And so ends
our superstitious odyssey
in the savage shock swamp.
A ghoulish ghoulash
-[screams]
of pain
-[screams]
and peril.
-[screams]
-[sighs deeply]
We'll never get that horn.
-You're right.
We'll [screams]
get that horn.
Lucky for us,
ramacondas lose their horns
like Gran loses her teeth.
Yah! See, Phil?
Those rhymes paid off.
Nachos by Ugga!
Oh. Now all we need is a plan.
-Say no more. Because luckily
Zenithees!
I brought this.
-Ow! Same foot!
-I'll simply lower the claw,
grab hold of the horn,
and we'll be on our merry way.
All without the ramaconda
suspecting a thing.
-Let me try, Phil.
I'm feeling lucky.
Oh!
Gah! I'm tellin' you,
these things never work.
-In the wrong hands.
Fortunately,
mine are the right hands.
[Phil grunts]
Gah! It's stuck.
These things never work.
Well, I suppose that's it.
Our luck has officially run out.
-Wrong. Because I've got this.
It's an aardshark tooth.
It's supposed to be lucky.
[ramaconda snoring]
-I don't believe it.
It's working.
It's working!
[grunts]
[snarls]
[gasps]
GUY:
It's not working! Run!
[Phil whimpering]
[whimpering and screaming]
[screams]
[both gasp]
[snarls]
[low growling]
[roars]
Phil,
your fetcher fetched something!
-Of course.
[chuckles nervously]
'Cause I'm brilliant.
[roars]
[screaming]
GRAN:
They're almost out of time.
Hmm!
-[Phil and Guy panting]
-They're back!
[panting continues]
-It's about time!
Our bad luck's getting worse.
I burned my hand.
On a cold banana!
-I was taking a dip
in the lagoon
and I realized I was in a well!
-I got attacked by my own pillow
and I wasn't even close
to my bed!
-I ate a hammock. Don't ask.
-Whoa. Are you okay, Eep?
I mean,
I had your aardshark tooth.
-True,
but nothing bad happened to me.
Guess I'm bad luck proof.
Yah!
-[grunts]
-Scratch that.
-Enough with the jibber-jabber!
This is the final night
of the Fire Moon.
So make with the horn!
[grunts]
-Oh, great moon in the sky,
please accept this generous
offering as our humble
GRAN:
Too long!
Now, let's get outta here
so the goddess warrior
can claim her gifts in peace.
-Well, glad that's over.
Life's hard enough
without a moon on your back.
-You know, Sandy, I think this
was the best Fire Moon yet.
Thanks for all your help.
Dropping that boarnet nest
on the table was
a knockout punch!
[laughing]
Everybody bought it,
and the raccobra?
[kisses, laughs]
Now let's divvy up the loot
before anyone finds out.
Ow!
[groans]
Stupid horn.
I don't even know why
I asked for this!
[high-pitched scream]
Hard to believe
everyone keeps falling for it.
Bunch of suckers.
I mean, it's a moon.
What's it gonna do, moon us?
[laughing]
[thunder cracks]
[ominous music playing]
[closing theme playing]