The Neighborhood (2018) s07e03 Episode Script

1
So, if you just sign here,
it acknowledges
that your battery has
been reconditioned.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Phone? Somebody?
All right, while your car
is being charged, why
don't you plea?
Somebody better get the phone.
Why don't you please
wait in our lounge?
Julian here will get you
a complimentary cup of coffee.
Sorry, I got to get this phone.
Okay, excuse me.
Fusebox. Your EV needs
with lightning speed.
No, this is not Jackie.
This is a business.
Hey, Dad.
Everything everything good?
No, it's not good.
I shouldn't have to be
answering the phones here.
I don't know, Dad, I-I-I think
it's just one of those days, you know?
Toni had to get her dog
artificially inseminated,
- and Jackie took
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We have a Jackie? Why
haven't I met her?
You met her like ten times, Dad.
Is that the one with-with
the hair a-and the shirts?
You nailed it, Dad.
Yeah, Jackie took a
mental health day today.
Whoa, hold up. You
hired a crazy person?
You can't say that, and
that's not what that means.
Well, you said it.
No. You take a mental health day
when you literally just can't.
You know?
Okay, I don't know
what the hell you're talking about,
but I need employees
who can come to work.
All right, attention.
Everybody, come on.
Y'all come on round here.
Look, at Tuesday's staff meeting,
we're going to have
a lengthy discussion
about attendance.
This is what I want
Uh, Dad, Dad, Dad, uh
this coming Tuesday?
I-I wanted to give
everybody the day off
for Election Day.
Marty, look, we are just
starting to turn a profit here.
We can't be making up holidays.
Dad, I just
I can't.
Can't what?
Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
Welcome to the hood. ♪
Hey. Hey.
Oh, Lamar.
It's been a minute.
You staying out of trouble?
Do you say that to
everyone or just because
I spent the last three
decades in and out of prison?
I'm gonna say both.
Hey, guys. Oh, wow.
Look at that spread.
What is the occasion?
Well, as you know,
there is an election coming up, and
- Take that.
- Because we live in
the great state of California
and because he has paid
his debt to society,
my father
gets to vote.
And we're celebrating with red salami,
white wine, and bleu cheese.
DAVE: If that weren't exciting enough,
Lamar gets to vote
at a polling station
run by our newly-minted
precinct captain
Gemma Johnson.
Oh, I couldn't do it
without Dave and Tina,
my little minions.
I'm not your minion.
(IMITATING MINION):
Scoobadabee banana.
That is why I cannot
bring friends over.
Ooh.
You've got a sample ballot.
All right.
Yeah, they, um, they gave it
to me at school. It's so long.
It sure is.
There are nine circuit
court judges alone.
But I've combed through
all the endorsements
and come up with a mnemonic device
to remember all of my recommendations.
Here we go, look at
this. Okay, Braswick,
Rittenhouse, Garlucci, Drexen,
Lasuvida, Bertman, Ranajalani,
Abbott, Kim.
BRGDLYBRAK.
Okay, now everybody say it with me.
No, I don't
I don't see myself saying that.
Pro tip:
telling a judge you voted for them
does you surprisingly little good.
Okay, so what's the deal
with all these propositions?
Oh, glad you asked. You know what?
Let's go through them together.
PROP 1: Repeals Costa-Hawkins
Rental Housing Act
and the issuance of a bond
to fund construction
and modernization
DAVE: Proposition 13.
Ooh, guys, this is a fun one.
Prohibits sled dog racing
on any public thoroughfare,
excluding licensed events
♪
DAVE: Proposition 19.
Why did I have to ask
about the propositions?
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.
Proposition 19 provides
No, that's it. I
can't take it anymore.
I'm out.
And I got to see a
man about a sled dog.
And I'm drunk.
Okay, hold on. C-Calvin,
this one should interest you.
Look at this, it creates
an economic empowerment
zone in Boyle Heights.
Where the Fusebox is?
Yes, exactly. Look,
Prop 19 provides a tax rebate
for all businesses of
ten or more employees.
That's me.
Hold up,
- l-let me see that.
- Look at that.
(CHUCKLES) This could mean
a windfall for the Fusebox.
And right when I need it.
Yeah. I told you this would be fun.
Almost as fun as frisbee golf.
No.
Tina, come on.
♪
Now, I know there's
been some confusion
on whether we're working Election Day.
Caused by you.
Well, after much discussion,
Marty has come around to my idea
of giving everyone the whole day off.
And-and-and now-now,
and don't fight me on this, Marty,
paid.
(CHEERING)
That-that was my idea.
Yeah, now, who likes opportunity?
(CHEERING)
He doesn't even know your names.
And who wants
to work in a zone of empowerment?
(CHEERING)
All right, well, when you're
in those voting booths,
I want you to vote
yes on Proposition 19.
(CHEERING ABRUPTLY STOPS)
(MARTY MUTTERS)
Dad, um, I know Prop 19 would help us,
but you're legally not allowed
to tell employees how to vote.
Oh, okay, look.
Uh, look, I'm not saying
that as your boss, all right?
I'm saying vote yes as your friend.
Now get on back to work now.
I'm not paying y'all to stand around.
Hey, Pop, you called?
- Ah, Malcolm.
- Hey.
Hey, look,
you know how, every big election,
you like to drive
them old-ass people to the polls?
Yeah, well, I don't typically
call them "old-ass people."
I'm-I'm sorry, I meant "elderly-ass."
But this year,
I'm sponsoring a van.
Oh,
"Paid for by Yes on 19."
So this is a sponsorship
that benefits you.
Well, yeah.
Okay, Pop, but Prop 19,
you know it's sponsored by a bunch of
corporate bigwigs and
special interests.
Do you want them to turn this
whole neighborhood into
an industrial park?
What, you don't like parks?
Hey, Calvin, I got those Laker tickets
for you and Malcolm.
(CHUCKLES) What?
Oh, these are great seats.
Thank you, Pop.
Hey, nothing less than the very best
for me and my son Malcolm.
Um, these are real, right?
I mean, don't they feel real?
That's not an answer, Trey.
What's up with the van?
Oh,
just a man unselfishly doing
his civic duty for Election Day.
Y'all fell for that?
The old democracy okey doke?
Um, how is democracy an okey doke?
Because votes don't matter.
The powers that be are gonna do
what they're gonna do anyway.
You register to vote,
next thing you know,
they'll call you for jury duty.
Then they'll make you
get a driver license.
♪
Hey, Lamar. Hey.
You get your mail at Dave's?
Yes, the department of corrections
needs to know how to find me.
Oh, I did get my Duke alumni magazine.
You went to Duke?
According to my LinkedIn, yes.
You're pretty serious about
this Prop 19 thing, huh?
Oh, yes.
You know, these local propositions
are decided by very small margins.
Last time,
Proposition 22 lost by 11 votes.
Wow.
Now marching bands
can't even wash cars.
Huh.
Well, suck suds, Big Car Wash.
Wow,
when you really think about it,
even one vote could change everything.
Yes, that's what I'm
saying, a-and you know,
and now that you've read all about it,
you can see how Proposition 19
is good for everybody, right?
I certainly see how it's good for you.
I don't yet
see how it's good for me.
Maybe I just need someone
to "educate" me.
Hold on.
Are you trying to sell me your vote?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, where
did that come from?
But yes.
So, a yes on 8
is a no on fracking?
Yes. But this is why
you have to be careful.
You see, the wording can
be very tricky, Trey.
Now, Prop 9 is also about fracking.
But a yes on Prop 9
is a no on any more bans on fracking,
so a yes would ban bans
and a no is a yes on bans.
This is fracking my nerves.
Oh-ho. Trey registered to vote?
How'd you convince him?
Well, I told him that
just because he, uh,
sent out a tweet or posted
a meme, that's not enough.
You have got to vote.
So I schooled him on
John Lewis and Selma
and Jim Crow and the Freedom Riders.
Yeah, and then he hit
me with the Green Book.
Oh, that's a good movie.
What movie?
He hit me with a green book
until I told him I'd register to vote.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh. Hey, Dad. Hey, Pop.
Hey, fellas.
Um
Malcolm,
I, uh,
I got some bad news.
I can't take you to
the Laker game anymore.
Oh.
No way, man. What happened?
Uh, just some stuff came up, you know?
Some business stuff, so, you know.
Whoa, whoa. Wait. Dad, Dad, what?
What business stuff? We're partners.
We're in the same business.
Marty, I've
I got businesses that
you don't know about.
Like mining, for one. (LAUGHS)
You mine?
No, I mind mine,
and you mind your damn business.
What a game! Oh, yes.
The Brow put a beatdown
on Jaylen Brown.
And thanks for buying
me all this swag.
Made it much easier to understand
the complexities of Prop 19.
(AIR HORN BLOWS)
Ooh, hold on. I got something for you.
Got Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Ooh.
Snazzy!
Hey, Who's got the, uh, cool air horn?
Me. Ooh.
Wait a second.
Did you guys go to the Laker game?
Yes. My friend Calvin took me.
Hold on. Who put that there?
Well, Dave, uh, I've been thinking,
reading, and the more I learn
about Prop 19, the better it looks.
Mm-hmm.
So, did you do all that
reading at the Laker game?
Oh, damn.
This is shameful.
Prop 19 is a blatant
power grab by fat cats.
You know that, but you don't care.
All you care about
is playing Calvin.
(SCOFFS) He's not playing me.
I'm bribing him.
All right.
6:58, people.
Two minutes to go time.
What's wrong with you?
You've been excited
about this for weeks.
This should be like the
opening night of your musical.
If the musical was The Lyin' King,
but "lying" instead of "lion,"
because it's about
the king of lying, aka my dad.
Well, what did he do now?
He sold his vote.
Yeah, apparently,
democracy is just
another racket to him.
Actually, you know what?
Instead of Lyin' King, it,
it should be Scamilton.
Like Hamilton but a scam
'cause that's what
- that's what my dad is.
- Yeah, okay, I get it.
(GEMMA CLEARS THROAT) Really.
All right, poll workers, listen up.
Last election, this
polling place was a fiasco.
Mrs. Darlington let y'all slack off,
and by noon the line was
all the way out to Marengo.
Not this year. We're going
to get voters in the booth,
we're gonna slap a sticker on 'em,
and they're back on the street.
There will be no dillydallying.
I am the captain now!
Welcome, welcome to
the Prop 19 Express,
all brought to you by Yes on 19.
Look, guys, we have water, soda,
and 19 kinds of snacks.
All in what
I like to call the
Empowerment Zone, okay?
All right.
(LAUGHING)
Shame on you, Pop.
All this just so business owners
like you can get a tax
break at the expense
of the people in the community.
Malcolm,
why do you have to Malcolm this up?
Do not make me a verb.
Okay, I'm just pointing
out the hypocrisy, man.
Look, I've been working my butt
off trying to make payroll.
- Don't I deserve a break?
- (SCOFFS)
Are you still upset about
those Laker tickets?
What? No.
I do not care about Laker tickets.
I care about democracy.
And LeBron dropped 40.
Look, relax.
Here, have a snack and a Topo-Chico.
(MUTTERS)
Chocolate Turtles, anybody?
Here you go.
Okay, Ms. Humphreys, take
your ballot to booth six,
and here's your sticker,
which I have learned
people prefer to put on themselves.
Name?
You know my name.
Well, sign here.
Oh, I see you've brought my son along
to witness your crimes
against democracy.
Dave, I know I let you down,
but I've come here to
try to make it up to you.
I got a sample ballot,
and Grover and I sat down
and went through the whole thing.
You did?
Yes, we did. It was worse than school.
We had Nilla Wafers.
From a Ziploc bag, and they were wet.
The point is, we educated ourselves,
and you were right.
Prop 19 stinks, and
I'm voting against it.
Yeah, okay, but that you
would even entertain the idea.
Dave, have you even met me?
I'm going to entertain anything.
And this was a Lakers game.
I was sitting behind '70s
sex symbol Dyan Cannon.
She was important to
me as a young man.
Vitally important.
Well, I mean, I get that.
When-when I was younger,
I had the biggest crush
on Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Mm-hmm.
Well, for me, it's Sandy Squirrel.
I'm sorry. From SpongeBob?
Okay.
Mr. Poll Worker,
may I have my ballot?
Yes,
you may.
Dave. Oh.
Do you know how long you
spent with that voter?
You gonna tell me?
- 42 seconds.
- Ooh.
Look at that line.
- It's bulging out the door.
- Ooh.
Yeah, it is.
I'm so sorry Captain.
Don't let it happen again.
Will I be in big trouble?
The biggest.
Y'all nasty.
Welcome to the Prop 19 Express,
all brought to you by Yes on 19.
Julian. What a coincidence.
Who do we have here?
This is my mother.
Everybody calls her Mimsy.
Mimsy. Now, you sure
she's not your sister?
No, man. (LAUGHING)
Please.
Okay. All right. (CHUCKLES)
(MOCKING): "Are you sure
that's not your sister?"
(SCOFFS) Good one, Pop.
So, I take it you two are
solid Yes on 19-ers.
Oh, you assume that, do you?
And do you also assume
that I cannot read?
No, I-I just was, uh
Look, Prop 19 would
destroy Boyle Heights.
You-you want to bulldoze my mama
house for a sriracha factory?
Calm down, Julian.
It would just make Boyle
Heights an empowerment zone.
Empower my ass!
Sorry, Mimsy.
When you opened the Fusebox, you said
that you were going to be a
friend to the neighborhood.
And now you want to stick a knife
in this little old lady's back
and throw her under the bus.
Why would I do both?
The question is, Calvin,
why would you do either?
So this is not a
coincidence, is it?
Hey, what can I say, Pop?
Malcolm's gonna Malcolm. (LAUGHS)
Mimsy, you want a Topo-Chico?
No, she good.
Hey, Trey, are you excited?
- It's your first time voting.
- It's not my first time.
I voted for Fantasia.
Well, my bad.
Hey, Mama, how's it going?
Uh, sorry, baby.
Dragon Lady says no chitchat.
You know what, Tina?
The line is inside the door,
we've hit all our benchmarks.
You may have 30 seconds of small talk.
Thank you, Gemma. That's so generous.
You're welcome. 26.
(GRUMBLING)
Oh, hey, Dad. You okay?
No. I got Malcolmed.
Ah.
Ah, yes. A verb meaning
"to shame someone
while sitting on a high horse."
Well, it's pretty nice up here.
(CHUCKLES)
Now I got to make a
decision between doing
the honorable thing
that will benefit a
whole community of people
or saving me enough money
to buy me a nice little houseboat.
Yeah. Yeah, it's tricky.
But I guess it's obvious
which one you got to choose.
Yeah.
Which one was you thinking about?
Here's your ballot, baby.
(CLEARS THROAT) Now I got
to go vote my conscience.
Been riding around
in that van all day.
All that little small talk.
I don't like small talk.
I don't like a lot of small talk
I spent $75 on snacks. $75.
(MOUTHS)
Do the right thing, but you know what?
I'm gonna do what's right, but
I ain't gonna be happy about it.
But I hope you happy, Mimsy.
(MOUTHS)
Oh, shoot.
What?
- I forgot my mnemonic device.
- Your what?
My mnemonic device to help me remember
what judges to vote for.
Oh, uh, uh,
CRINKLYCRANK.
Calvin, you know that's not it.
Ah, okay. Vote.
There. I did it.
Voted no.
(MALCOLM LAUGHS)
Well, don't you feel better, Pop?
Malcolm, I just helped
out a bunch of people
that I don't even know.
Why would I feel better?
Uh
Well, because, Calvin,
you have something
that money can't buy.
You have character,
and that's something
that no one can take away from you.
Yeah, I guess you're right, Dave.
You know, I voted for your guy, too.
Braswick.
Braswick.
BRGDLYBRAK!