Cold Feet (1997) s07e04 Episode Script
Series 7, Episode 4
1 I love u nicorns.
I love unicorns, too.
The fact that your girlfriend had an affair with my husband needn't stop us being friends.
- You told her we're working together? - No, that, er, hasn't come up.
Whilst I'm gone, you have to check on Mum.
- I won't need checking on! - She will.
Since I've been living with her I've noticed a (deterioration).
- You seem a little on edge, Karen.
- No shit, Sherlock.
I'm dissolving our partnership.
I assume you can't afford my share, so I shall buy you out.
- That looks bloody painful! - It is! I'm on a cocktail of painkillers and cocktails.
It helps take the edge off.
I look forward to seeing the Mona Lisa-like results.
I made an appointment at the clinic.
I'm going to have an abortion.
- Are you seeing Olivia after school? - Hadn't planned to.
Everything's all right between you two? Why wouldn't it be? It's fine.
She's revising for exams.
- Well, maybe you should be too, eh? - Mm-hm.
Matt? If you want to talk at all about anything.
Olivia, I know it's really difficult to put it out of your mind, but -- I was trying to remember the periodic table.
- We have a test today.
- Oh, good! - I thought you were thinking about -- - My abortion? No.
Though I am now.
(Oh.
) - Got your P.
E.
kit? - Can I have a note? Nothing wrong with ya.
I got no sleep.
Adam snores like a pig.
- Has anyone seen my cowboy hat? - I slept like a log.
Yeah, in MY bed! I hate having to share with my brother.
Don't suppose it's his idea of a good time, either.
Mum, please! I'm doing country and western so I need my cowboy hat.
- They're old.
They won't care.
- Hm.
Or notice, most of them.
Chloe's right, you could sing anything.
Another one bites the dust.
Adam, have you seen my cowboy hat? Didn't you wear it when you were Indiana Jones? Oh, yeah.
It might be under my bed.
Or Gran's, I should say.
He's sensitive.
And he's grieving.
And he's resilient too.
He'll be fine, I promise.
I hope so.
We're off.
You gonna be all right on your own, Mum? Course I will.
What harm can I get into? - Adam, ready? - I just need a word with Dad.
Blimey! Passin' up a lift.
Must be serious.
Love ya.
- I'm in a hurry, too! - It's important.
This isn't easy for me to say.
Oh, come on, what is it? In trouble with the police? Drugs? Shoplifting? You've not been caught pissing in the street? Thanks, Dad (!) It's porn.
Right, OK.
Well, porn - Erm - You know Smeg? The bass player in your band.
The bloke's his music teacher.
Oh.
Plays the horn, does he? - What are you showing me this for?! - Look at the woman.
I am.
Her face.
Bloody hell! I don't know when it was filmed.
It could've been years ago.
For Adam's sake, I hope it was! Oh, hi.
You don't need to keep checking up on me.
I wasn't, just needed to have a word with your mum.
And you didn't think to phone? I'm fine, Dad.
Seeing as you're here, can you give us a lift to school? Save us the walk.
Thanks for coming over.
Well, you once accused me of behaving as though fatherhood ends with conception.
It doesn't even end at divorce.
Dad? Yeah, I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Look, if there's anything else I can do to help.
David, if you mean that, you know my little disagreement with my business partner? Little? He's trying to force you out.
If I send my accounts to you, would you cast your eye over them? Since it's you, shall we say half my usual rate? Yeah.
Yeah, that would be great.
Oh, please, Karen! I'll even come to your meeting if you want back up.
Thanks, David.
You know, when we were young, everyone went for a lunch time pint.
Now it seems, I don't know, vaguely degenerate.
- There you go.
- Thanks, mate.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
Not, not, not there.
Not there.
- Follow me.
No, no, no.
- What's wrong with that table? I've got something I need to show you.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Oh, if it's the one with the porcupine eating the carrot, I've already seen it.
Well, unless that's code, I don't think you have.
Bloody hell.
Why are you showing me this? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Is this on the Internet? - Have you watched it? - I had to.
For identification purposes obviously! All the way through? Jesus! Does Tina do yoga? - Are you lookin' at a dig in the head? - Right, OK.
I'm sorry.
- Can you forward that on to me? - What, do you want a copy? Not for me! But Tina's gonna want to see it.
Are you sure? Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- David.
- Oh, that's healing nicely.
Yeah, I can go out in public soon.
Re-join the ladies who lunch.
At least you'll have something to talk about.
Nobody ever mentions cosmetic surgery.
Not to your face! Coffee? I'm not stupid.
Know what I mean? Hi, David.
Thank you, yes.
Erm, I hope you don't mind me taking on your husband as a client.
Well, what's in his interest is in mine, isn't it? Hm.
Look, David, it wasn't like I intended to leave him.
I just wanted to know I had the option.
Now I no longer need to.
Ever since he got wind of what I was doing, he couldn't be more attentive.
Bends over backwards to make sure I'm happy.
- The, erm? - Mm-hm.
And the jewellery.
Ooh, hock that and you'll be able to live off the proceeds.
Mm, for a month or two.
So, what have you got for me? I've got, first up, The Arcadia.
Sale price $400,000.
You get someone to sail it across to another island and re-register it.
You're moving your wealth offshore, beyond the gaze of the tax man.
I like it.
I might even use it one day.
You could part finance it with your Deutsche Bank account -- It's doing nothing.
What Deutsche Bank account? Oh, your last accountant, er, Danny, set it up.
I assume as a sort of emergency, rainy day fund.
I don't have rainy days.
I'm sure it's easily explained.
Oh, God.
Where did you get it from? From Pete, who got it from Adam .
.
who got it from school.
Oh, Jesus! - Looks like it was in your apartment.
- Watched it more than once, have ya? It's not exactly the first thing you'd notice.
- When was it filmed? - I don't know! Three years ago.
It was Jamie's idea.
It was just something we did for a while.
- What, sex? - Filmed it.
Why has he put it online?! Revenge? You know, you did dump him.
But why now?! I suppose it's all around Adam's class.
- School.
- Dad? I think there's something you need to see.
No matter.
Possibly spread to other schools.
Oh, God, I feel sick.
Yeah.
No, actually, I think I am I'm gonna be sick! What? I'm sorry.
You've got nothing to apologise for.
Oi! I heard they were dredging the canals.
Look what they dragged up.
I'd throw you in but there's enough shite already.
Hm.
What do you want? You owe Tina an apology.
I didn't post that video.
You know what I'm talking about though? Oh, I've been shown it.
Like you, by the looks of it.
So, how'd it get out there? - Hacked by the Russians, were ya? - It wasn't me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, you posting the video or pretending you didn't.
Why would I do it? I've got nothing to gain.
I could lose my job over this.
Tina is devastated.
Yes, I should call her.
Oh, no.
No.
You stay away from her.
Says who? You? It's not the filthiest we made.
I could show you those.
I've still got them.
No, you probably wouldn't enjoy them.
You could tell she did.
Well, I can.
Maybe you wouldn't know.
Leave her alone.
Ugh, the day I've had! - Not as bad as mine I'll bet.
- Didn't even have time for a cuppa.
- Oh, I quite fancy one myself.
- Oh, go on then if you're making one.
I can safely say that my country and western turn didn't go as well as I thought.
Come on, silver lady, take my word I won't walk out on you again Believe me Oh, I've seen the light Oh, my God! Help! Help! We need help here! - Right, let me through.
- Pete! Don't stop.
Distract them! Come on silver lady Take my word It doesn't look good if someone actually dies during your performance.
Can't blame her for losing the will to live though.
- I'll be back by 9:00.
- I hope you're wearing something over that! Gran, it's not the 1980s.
They all dress like that now, Mum.
I would never have let you go out looking like that! You'd have had me wearing a hijab if you'd known what they were.
At least you never looked like a slattern! - Mum! - What's a slattern? - Someone with no sense of fashion.
- With no sense of decorum! I'm perfectly capable of nagging, insulting and mothering my daughter! - Thank you very much! - You're not though, are ya?! - Otherwise you wouldn't be at work all hours.
- What?! - Hey, what, what's that smell? - Oh, my God! Why did you put the kettle on the stove?! I don't remember doing that.
I may have turned the heat on.
It's plastic! That's the way we used to boil water! That's my fault.
I, I think I left it on there.
Oh, come on! To be fair, Sheila did warn us about this.
- Listen, you get off, love.
- Do I look all right? YES! You look lovely.
Just maybe wear a cardi.
Hey.
What are you up to? - Deleting all my social media.
- No.
You can't let them get to you.
Hm.
Your hand? Oh No, I just, erm, grazed it.
It's nothing.
Well, look, hopefully this will be an end to it, eh? Oh.
It doesn't even matter.
I just hate the thought of anybody looking at me.
Come here.
- Adam, stop, please.
Sorry.
- No, no.
It's all right.
Have you heard from Ramona? Yeah, yeah.
She emailed.
Her mother's not great.
I think that's what it said.
Typing leaves a lot to the imagination! Benjamin.
Bang on time.
Hang on.
Let him stew a minute.
- OK.
- Eh! Then a minute more.
Learn this from one of your books on management? Yeah, it's in all of them.
Another tip, don't let him intimidate you.
- He doesn't.
- I was talking to myself.
- I haven't met the guy.
- Oh, he's a weasely little man.
- Probably into S&M.
- Yes, that's good.
Visualise him as ridiculous.
Makes it much easier to negotiate.
OK.
Benjamin, hi, sorry to leave you standing on the doorstep.
I was just on a call to New York.
Isn't it the middle of the night there? Well, you know, city that never sleeps and all that.
This is David.
He's going to be sitting with us.
My ex-husband.
- Why? - Isn't that a bit personal? - We just drifted apart, didn't we? - No, why is he joining us? I'm acting as Karen's financial advisor.
Not that she needs it.
Anyone with an ounce of savvy can see what a success she's making.
Shall we? Adam, I'm gonna see it at some point! You don't want to.
Watch your girlfriend have sex with my husband? Yeah, too right, I don't! But if others have seen it, I need to.
OK.
Oh, er, you may want to turn it down.
- Can I have two flat whites, please? - Comin' up.
How's Tina taken it? Badly.
She feels violated.
- I'm sorry.
- Jeez, it's not your fault! Nor yours! We're collateral damage.
Come on.
The issues in your private life are compromising your ability to do your job! I was under pressure.
It's under control.
Anyway, with respect, it's none of your business.
It is when it's affecting business.
The company needs firm leadership.
Someone must exert control.
Crack the whip.
Instil some discipline.
And that would be you, would it? Since you have no plan to address the firm's financial woes.
The woes, as you call them, are temporary.
If you, or your backer, would inject a little more capital to tide us over, all will be well.
No, I'm dissolving the partnership.
Under the terms of our agreement, I shall buy out your shares.
I have the option to buy you out first! You can't afford to, unless you have savings stashed away.
No, I don't.
I'll find an alternative investor.
Under our terms you have a week so, good luck with that.
I'll see myself out.
Well I suppose you could ask Eddie Zubayer.
He'd do it as a favour.
No, that's why I wouldn't.
What about venture capital? - They'd want their pound of flesh.
- They can, as long as I keep control.
I'll make a few calls.
Was it, like, full-on, full-blown? Did he have any equipment? Excruciating.
Imagine, Jen, if it was you? Awful! - Yes.
- She's seen it.
- Oh, don't.
- She's devastated.
- I heard it was really explicit.
- But imagine Those are the questions people are probably asking Hello! - Hey! - Hey! Don't be late if you don't want people talking about ya.
- Don't think so! - Are you sure you weren't? Ugh, it's all right.
You and everybody else.
Obviously we've all heard about it, but I haven't seen it.
Me neither.
I mean, I was tempted.
But, hey, I've been busy.
- It's on my list.
- We're not going to.
- We're not? - No.
No.
No way.
Sisterhood.
Anyway, hasn't it been taken down? Yeah, but it's the Internet.
These things never really disappear.
It could resurface in 20 years.
By that time, I could have a child old enough to see it.
Don't worry, you'll look completely different by then.
We all do.
- Anyway, you shouldn't feel ashamed.
- I know I shouldn't, but I do.
But I'm angry because I feel ashamed.
I don't know what to do with that.
I'm SO paranoid.
I keep looking at people thinking they know.
Listen, if they do know, their looks will only be because they are WELL jealous.
They'll just wish their sex lives were that good.
Yeah.
Or that they had one at all.
Have you ever made a sex tape? No, I don't see the point.
Why watch it if you can do it? I don't even like watching film stars having sex.
- Why would I want to watch myself? - Quite.
- Thanks.
- Thanks.
You're being unusually reticent.
We did once.
- No! - What, you and Jen? Yeah.
Did it when they were all the rage.
Since when have sex tapes been all the rage? Since that Kardashian girl.
Was it Kim? Or Kendall or Kanye.
One of them sisters, yeah.
- Was it any good? - We gave it a go.
- (There ya go.
) - Mm? - Give it to me baby.
- Woof.
Let's go.
Fruits.
All right.
Ah! - Ow! - Sorry.
Hot chilli sauce.
Phew.
Oi! I'm not getting that in my crevices.
No way.
Oh! Ahh, ooh.
Ahh! Ooh! - Whoa! - Aw, what is the date on that?! - I feel sick.
- Certainly dulled my appetite.
I felt sexier taking the bins out to be honest.
Are you gonna to report Jamie to the police? Have more men ogling over it? Nope.
I'd just be happy with an apology.
Ah.
Hi.
- Listen -- - What's happened to your lip? Well, your boyfriend hit me.
Hi.
You didn't tell me you went to see Jamie.
You didn't tell me you were planning to.
I can fight my own battles.
I don't need you wading in with both fists.
- I only hit him once.
- So, you admit it? He was goading me, about your sex life.
- It's got nothing to do with you.
- Your sex life?! I think it has.
- Why did you want to go and see him? - I didn't.
He owes me an apology.
That's why I went.
Did you get one? He says he didn't post the tape online.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
You just think he's innocent? I don't know, but I do know that you're guilty of assault.
I can't believe that you did that.
OK, OK.
I accept I shouldn't have done it.
I'll apologise.
I'll send him flowers.
How do you even know where he lives? Let's not forget who the bad guy is here, huh? He's trying to drive a wedge between us.
Thanks to you, Adam, he's succeeded.
I was doing it for you! He humiliated you! No, he didn't.
Because I won't allow him to.
We were both consenting adults.
I think I look great.
I'm not ashamed.
And I won't have anybody telling me that I should feel otherwise.
You included.
That's the only venture capitalist who'd see us.
I'm sorry, Karen.
- I feel I've let you down.
- No, you did your best, David.
- Should we go for some coffee? - Yeah.
THEIRS was crap.
One introduction.
I know my name doesn't carry much weight in the city any more.
"Remanded in custody" tends to do that for you.
Venture capitalists are like the vampires of the business world.
They should be baying for new blood.
The problem wasn't yours, David.
It was mine, or at least my idea.
What was it he said? "No-one reads any more, unless the words are preceded with a hashtag.
" - Waa, waa, waa.
- I could've punched him in the face.
"Remanded in custody twice.
" That'd look even better on your CV.
So, there we are then.
Oh, I'm not beaten yet, David.
The smarmy little git's only stiffened my resolve.
I'm not sure you have that many options left.
If not the vampires, then the vultures.
The banks.
I'm going to re-mortgage my house.
- Karen, don't! - Don't you believe in me? This is my business, David.
I'm not just gonna give it to Benjamin.
I don't want to! Listen, you have to share with your brother.
- I can't sleep on the floor.
- Why not? I keep thinking spiders will crawl in my mouth! Adam, swap with your sister.
- You take the floor.
- In my own room? I don't want to sleep in his bed.
Disgusting! - Goodnight, everyone.
- Goodnight, Barbara.
- Can't I stay at a friend's house? - It's 11:00 at night! Tomorrow then, AND for the rest of my life! OK.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Can't I sleep in your bed? Mum says I need the sleep for school.
Suppose Aunt Sheila doesn't come back from Canada? - Will Gran have to live with us? - Oh You don't much like having her here, do you? I mean, I do love her.
You and me both.
The bit about having her here.
Obviously, I love her, too.
But, God, when you're my age, you don't want your crabby old mum living with ya.
- When do you think she might go home? - It's not that simple.
I'm sure you've noticed that your grandma is going a bit batty.
- The kettle on the stove? - Yeah.
- That was an accident.
- It could've burnt the house down.
Can't she have someone live with her? She'd like that.
Maybe.
That's an option.
Just, just bear with us, all right? Once it's clear if she needs help, then, we'll get it sorted.
Isn't it clear yet? Come on.
Girls need their beauty sleep.
You'd better get a lie-in tomorrow then.
Hey! I'll make you sleep with your grandma.
So, what progress have you made? Has my former accountant admitted to being a thieving toerag? Well, Danny maintains it was a misunderstanding.
Which, because of the opacity of the documentation, and as a gesture of goodwill, I've chosen to accept at face value.
I want it all repaid.
With interest.
I'm sorry, George.
I don't have it.
George, you made expectations clear when you asked me to handle this.
Fortunately as part of my MBA, I specialised in mediation, and I can tell you that we're very close to agreeing terms.
All of it, with interest, now.
If I could, I would, honest! George, as I said, I'm a highly-skilled negotiator.
I've had a bit of training, too.
Pass me that book with the big words in it.
- The thesaurus? - Yeah.
In my experience, it's all about finding the right argument.
Ooh! Pay me my money, you thieving bastard, by Friday, or you're dead.
Add on the cost of dry-cleaning the rug .
.
and get him out of here.
I'm not sure I'm talking to you.
- I'm calling to say I'm sorry.
- Don't like falling out.
It's my fault.
You know, I shouldn't have gone to see Jamie, or hit him.
Although he does have the sort of face that invites it.
I might have mentioned I was seeing him.
Suppose I knew you wouldn't be happy.
From now on, let's just tell each other everything.
Yeah.
No secrets.
- No lies.
- Yeah.
- See you tonight.
- Can't wait.
Do you fancy lunch? Erm, no, I've got a load on here.
I, I should eat at my desk.
- OK.
See you later.
- Yeah.
- Nikki.
- David.
Come in.
George isn't here.
I know.
I was hiding up the road waiting for him to leave.
I was with him earlier.
He attacked Danny! There was blood everywhere! That's how you got the bruises, isn't it? - You haven't had a nose job, have you? - I have.
Well, if you have, it was reconstructive, not cosmetic.
Oh, my God! George beats you.
No, he doesn't.
He hit me.
It's not a regular thing.
Hit you? Must've been a fist to do that damage.
He didn't believe I was opening a nail bar.
If you'd have told him it was a wine bar I might have been able to get away with it.
- I just wasn't convincing.
- I'm sorry, it's all my fault.
Typical man, thinks it's all about him.
He found out I was making provision in case I ever want to leave him.
Because of the beatings? Yes, of course, but also I'm bored, David.
Our kids have left home.
I rattle about this house.
It's like a mausoleum.
If, if it wasn't for the charities I'm involved with, I'm not sure I'd be getting out of bed every morning.
Nikki, you have to leave him! Have you decided I'm your charitable cause? I care about you.
I would for anyone in your position.
Nik! Don't.
It's fine.
Nik, where are ya?! George.
David.
I didn't see your car.
Yeah, it's in the road.
I realised I'd left my phone in your study.
Right, well, I'll be off then.
I'm sure I left my phone on here! Why don't you call it? How can I? It's my phone I'm looking for! Here.
You're in my contacts under 'Nuisance Call'.
Well, I know I'm not under 'recent calls'.
You're living with us, Mum! She's getting worse, I swear.
What, cos she's lost her phone? You do it all the time.
It's OK.
You're in denial.
Found it.
It's Jenny! Who do you think it is? Phone in the fridge.
Just sayin'.
An 'A'! Oh, I'm really pleased for you, Olivia, well done.
I'm determined to get good grades, Mum, now more than ever.
I got 300 likes.
- Ellie? - Yeah? - Have you had your essay back? - Yeah.
Well, you sound happy.
My profile picture's got 300 likes.
Well, that's an achievement of sorts.
Nice.
Are you taking out a mortgage? Well, I've been offered one.
It would enable me to buy my business back, but it's a big risk.
We could end up homeless.
I'll be at uni soon.
And I've no shortage of friends I could stay with.
Mum, you always told us to follow our dreams.
Just cos you're old doesn't mean you shouldn't.
Thanks, girls.
Sorry to interrupt.
Excuse me.
Can I give you a word of advice? Now? I'm not sure you're doing that right.
Not hearing any complaints.
You haven't heard me make any noises though, have ya? - What? - Perhaps I could help.
I do have a little more experience than you with Tina.
Possibly overall.
Doesn't matter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but erm Tina likes a little bit more confidence.
Be a bit more forward.
But at the same time holding back.
- Except with your follow through.
- Yeah.
Oh, and, what IS that thing you do with your hips? My hips? Yeah, we're gonna need to iron out that kink in your game.
It's not my golf swing we're talking about! Would it be easier if I showed you? Oh.
I think so.
Yeah, baby! No.
Is everything all right? Jesus, Adam.
Is this about the video? I've put it behind me.
Why can't you? You don't make those noises with me.
Matt is across the hall! And David.
But you never have! It's just different with you.
Worse? Better? Different.
Adam, please.
Come on.
- Just forget about it.
- No.
I don't think I can.
Well, I have to admit, it is affecting me.
The thought of my girlfriend having sex with another man.
My husband? It's tormenting me.
I think she might prefer him .
.
in THAT way.
You're complaining to ME that you think my husband is better in bed with your girlfriend than you are? I don't know what to tell you, Adam.
I don't have the breadth of her experience.
I can't compare and contrast.
You shouldn't worry.
He's not all that.
I knew he wasn't.
Anyway, that's twice she's chosen you over him.
- Twice? - Yeah.
When you two first got together and again a few weeks ago.
No, er, erm - I know she saw him last week.
- No, no, this was before that.
When she chose you, Jamie came crawling back to me.
I agreed to try and make another go of it.
And we did.
Try.
Well, at least, I did.
The beginning of last month he announces, quite out of the blue, that he can't get over her.
So he goes to see her, begs her to take him back.
She sends him packing.
I'm not gonna give him a third chance.
I'm not that crazy.
So I kicked him out, once and for all.
I imagine that's why he posted the clip.
He wanted to hurt her.
And he's hurt you, too.
I've never seen an otter doing sit-ups before.
You wanna get your dad doing a few of those! Er I I'm gonna have to call you back.
Have you left the bath running? Mum! Oh, my God! - David.
What are you doing here? - Aren't you meeting Benjamin? You ought to have me in your corner.
Wouldn't put it past him for trying something on.
Yes, if I ever need a reference, I'll remember not to come to you.
So, if I could just have your signature.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I'm sorry.
I'm a bit off the pace here.
- My assessment the last time we met.
- You've raised the money? I told you I was gonna ask the bank for a loan.
- I didn't think they'd give you one! - They must have confidence in me.
Or the value of this house! If you'd have your domestic on your own time, I'd like to get on.
David! That is so childish! We'll just print another one.
You're paying too much.
He wouldn't give you this for your share.
Well, no, because Karen herself wouldn't be part of the deal.
She'll give you half.
Alternatively, we restructure the company based on your valuation.
Each reduce your share to a third, and I become an equal partner.
Why would you do that? I need to do something with my divorce settlement.
I thought you wanted to buy somewhere.
It'll take a little longer, but repay my faith in you, and I'll buy something bigger.
Well, at that price I'd be a fool not to accept, especially if Karen no longer has a majority share.
Thank you, David.
And, erm Might I move in with you for a bit? It's a bit awkward at Adam and Tina's ever since the whole porn thing.
Oh, dear Lord! 'You have one new message.
'First new message.
'Hiya, it's me.
Full disclosure, I'm going to see Jamie.
Apparently, he has something to tell me.
I'll be home shortly.
Nothing here to see Just a kid like me Trying to cuss and see Trying to figure it out Nothing better to do When I'm stuck on you And still I'm here Trying to figure it out You're thinking the worst.
You've got it in for her! I'm trying to do the right thing! Don't attack me.
- I'm not the one with the problem! - No, I am.
I have to live with ya.
OK.
Right.
Number one, she almost set fire to the house.
- Two, she nearly caused a flood.
- No, nearly.
Almost.
But, Pete, I think she's lost the plot! She's just a little bit forgetful.
I see far worse in the home, every day.
Well, God forgive me, but maybe that's where she belongs before she hurts herself or us! - Pete, please.
- Oh, I don't know! Maybe I could make some enquiries.
Wait! What? You said Gran could have someone living with her.
Look, love, we think she needs more help than we realised.
But that wasn't her fault.
It wasn't her, it was me.
Wait, what was? I hid her phone in the fridge.
Distracted her while she was running her bath.
- There's an even better one, please! - Oh, all right.
And you did all this to make Gran look like she was doo-lally? Do you know how much trouble you're in right now? You've just been such a grump since she arrived.
I just thought if she went back home we could go back to the way we were.
- And you'd get your old room back? - That, too.
But I never meant for her to be put in a home! She'd hate that.
Chloe, love, 24-hour care is very expensive.
We'd have to sell the blinking house to pay for it.
Well, then I'd rather she stayed with us.
Oh, Go Oh, Mum! I thought you were losing it.
I think I must be.
I've lost my phone again.
Don't worry about it.
Here, Barbara.
Go on, have a sit down.
Have a cup of tea.
Here you go.
And a biscuit.
What? - Chloe? - Sorry.
Looks like you're staying with us, Gran! [Thanks for seeing me.
.]
- Adam, what are you doing here? - You said you'd be home shortly.
- Yeah.
- That was two hours ago.
- Keeps you on a tight leash, does he? - Fuck up or I'll smack you again.
- I'm ready this time.
- Really? Pack it in, the pair of ya! I know he's trying to get back with you! - What? - That's why he wanted to see you! I realised how the tape might have got out.
- Yeah, you posted it! - No, he didn't! Years ago he shared it with his mate.
Yeah, I shouldn't have.
I'm sorry.
I apologise again.
That doesn't take two hours to say! You lied.
You didn't tell me you saw him before we moved in together.
- How do you know that? - Well, I didn't tell him.
- No, no.
Sarah did! - Sarah? Adam, how do you know Jamie's wife? We work together.
She's the other grown-up.
Oh, boy.
- You didn't tell me.
- You didn't tell me! - You two sure you're suited? - Shut it, you! - Why have you been here so long!? - We were saying goodbye! I told him I didn't want to see him again.
Well, good.
Now you've done that, we can go.
Come on.
You can.
- I'll come when I'm ready.
- What? Off you go.
No-one was crying they simply got A little something in their eye No-one was lonely They just could not Get hold of anybody Over the summer, a lot changed And they all changed To keep up with it Too complicated, too complex To talk to anybody Marks to prove it Got the marks to prove it
I love unicorns, too.
The fact that your girlfriend had an affair with my husband needn't stop us being friends.
- You told her we're working together? - No, that, er, hasn't come up.
Whilst I'm gone, you have to check on Mum.
- I won't need checking on! - She will.
Since I've been living with her I've noticed a (deterioration).
- You seem a little on edge, Karen.
- No shit, Sherlock.
I'm dissolving our partnership.
I assume you can't afford my share, so I shall buy you out.
- That looks bloody painful! - It is! I'm on a cocktail of painkillers and cocktails.
It helps take the edge off.
I look forward to seeing the Mona Lisa-like results.
I made an appointment at the clinic.
I'm going to have an abortion.
- Are you seeing Olivia after school? - Hadn't planned to.
Everything's all right between you two? Why wouldn't it be? It's fine.
She's revising for exams.
- Well, maybe you should be too, eh? - Mm-hm.
Matt? If you want to talk at all about anything.
Olivia, I know it's really difficult to put it out of your mind, but -- I was trying to remember the periodic table.
- We have a test today.
- Oh, good! - I thought you were thinking about -- - My abortion? No.
Though I am now.
(Oh.
) - Got your P.
E.
kit? - Can I have a note? Nothing wrong with ya.
I got no sleep.
Adam snores like a pig.
- Has anyone seen my cowboy hat? - I slept like a log.
Yeah, in MY bed! I hate having to share with my brother.
Don't suppose it's his idea of a good time, either.
Mum, please! I'm doing country and western so I need my cowboy hat.
- They're old.
They won't care.
- Hm.
Or notice, most of them.
Chloe's right, you could sing anything.
Another one bites the dust.
Adam, have you seen my cowboy hat? Didn't you wear it when you were Indiana Jones? Oh, yeah.
It might be under my bed.
Or Gran's, I should say.
He's sensitive.
And he's grieving.
And he's resilient too.
He'll be fine, I promise.
I hope so.
We're off.
You gonna be all right on your own, Mum? Course I will.
What harm can I get into? - Adam, ready? - I just need a word with Dad.
Blimey! Passin' up a lift.
Must be serious.
Love ya.
- I'm in a hurry, too! - It's important.
This isn't easy for me to say.
Oh, come on, what is it? In trouble with the police? Drugs? Shoplifting? You've not been caught pissing in the street? Thanks, Dad (!) It's porn.
Right, OK.
Well, porn - Erm - You know Smeg? The bass player in your band.
The bloke's his music teacher.
Oh.
Plays the horn, does he? - What are you showing me this for?! - Look at the woman.
I am.
Her face.
Bloody hell! I don't know when it was filmed.
It could've been years ago.
For Adam's sake, I hope it was! Oh, hi.
You don't need to keep checking up on me.
I wasn't, just needed to have a word with your mum.
And you didn't think to phone? I'm fine, Dad.
Seeing as you're here, can you give us a lift to school? Save us the walk.
Thanks for coming over.
Well, you once accused me of behaving as though fatherhood ends with conception.
It doesn't even end at divorce.
Dad? Yeah, I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Look, if there's anything else I can do to help.
David, if you mean that, you know my little disagreement with my business partner? Little? He's trying to force you out.
If I send my accounts to you, would you cast your eye over them? Since it's you, shall we say half my usual rate? Yeah.
Yeah, that would be great.
Oh, please, Karen! I'll even come to your meeting if you want back up.
Thanks, David.
You know, when we were young, everyone went for a lunch time pint.
Now it seems, I don't know, vaguely degenerate.
- There you go.
- Thanks, mate.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
Not, not, not there.
Not there.
- Follow me.
No, no, no.
- What's wrong with that table? I've got something I need to show you.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Oh, if it's the one with the porcupine eating the carrot, I've already seen it.
Well, unless that's code, I don't think you have.
Bloody hell.
Why are you showing me this? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Is this on the Internet? - Have you watched it? - I had to.
For identification purposes obviously! All the way through? Jesus! Does Tina do yoga? - Are you lookin' at a dig in the head? - Right, OK.
I'm sorry.
- Can you forward that on to me? - What, do you want a copy? Not for me! But Tina's gonna want to see it.
Are you sure? Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- David.
- Oh, that's healing nicely.
Yeah, I can go out in public soon.
Re-join the ladies who lunch.
At least you'll have something to talk about.
Nobody ever mentions cosmetic surgery.
Not to your face! Coffee? I'm not stupid.
Know what I mean? Hi, David.
Thank you, yes.
Erm, I hope you don't mind me taking on your husband as a client.
Well, what's in his interest is in mine, isn't it? Hm.
Look, David, it wasn't like I intended to leave him.
I just wanted to know I had the option.
Now I no longer need to.
Ever since he got wind of what I was doing, he couldn't be more attentive.
Bends over backwards to make sure I'm happy.
- The, erm? - Mm-hm.
And the jewellery.
Ooh, hock that and you'll be able to live off the proceeds.
Mm, for a month or two.
So, what have you got for me? I've got, first up, The Arcadia.
Sale price $400,000.
You get someone to sail it across to another island and re-register it.
You're moving your wealth offshore, beyond the gaze of the tax man.
I like it.
I might even use it one day.
You could part finance it with your Deutsche Bank account -- It's doing nothing.
What Deutsche Bank account? Oh, your last accountant, er, Danny, set it up.
I assume as a sort of emergency, rainy day fund.
I don't have rainy days.
I'm sure it's easily explained.
Oh, God.
Where did you get it from? From Pete, who got it from Adam .
.
who got it from school.
Oh, Jesus! - Looks like it was in your apartment.
- Watched it more than once, have ya? It's not exactly the first thing you'd notice.
- When was it filmed? - I don't know! Three years ago.
It was Jamie's idea.
It was just something we did for a while.
- What, sex? - Filmed it.
Why has he put it online?! Revenge? You know, you did dump him.
But why now?! I suppose it's all around Adam's class.
- School.
- Dad? I think there's something you need to see.
No matter.
Possibly spread to other schools.
Oh, God, I feel sick.
Yeah.
No, actually, I think I am I'm gonna be sick! What? I'm sorry.
You've got nothing to apologise for.
Oi! I heard they were dredging the canals.
Look what they dragged up.
I'd throw you in but there's enough shite already.
Hm.
What do you want? You owe Tina an apology.
I didn't post that video.
You know what I'm talking about though? Oh, I've been shown it.
Like you, by the looks of it.
So, how'd it get out there? - Hacked by the Russians, were ya? - It wasn't me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, you posting the video or pretending you didn't.
Why would I do it? I've got nothing to gain.
I could lose my job over this.
Tina is devastated.
Yes, I should call her.
Oh, no.
No.
You stay away from her.
Says who? You? It's not the filthiest we made.
I could show you those.
I've still got them.
No, you probably wouldn't enjoy them.
You could tell she did.
Well, I can.
Maybe you wouldn't know.
Leave her alone.
Ugh, the day I've had! - Not as bad as mine I'll bet.
- Didn't even have time for a cuppa.
- Oh, I quite fancy one myself.
- Oh, go on then if you're making one.
I can safely say that my country and western turn didn't go as well as I thought.
Come on, silver lady, take my word I won't walk out on you again Believe me Oh, I've seen the light Oh, my God! Help! Help! We need help here! - Right, let me through.
- Pete! Don't stop.
Distract them! Come on silver lady Take my word It doesn't look good if someone actually dies during your performance.
Can't blame her for losing the will to live though.
- I'll be back by 9:00.
- I hope you're wearing something over that! Gran, it's not the 1980s.
They all dress like that now, Mum.
I would never have let you go out looking like that! You'd have had me wearing a hijab if you'd known what they were.
At least you never looked like a slattern! - Mum! - What's a slattern? - Someone with no sense of fashion.
- With no sense of decorum! I'm perfectly capable of nagging, insulting and mothering my daughter! - Thank you very much! - You're not though, are ya?! - Otherwise you wouldn't be at work all hours.
- What?! - Hey, what, what's that smell? - Oh, my God! Why did you put the kettle on the stove?! I don't remember doing that.
I may have turned the heat on.
It's plastic! That's the way we used to boil water! That's my fault.
I, I think I left it on there.
Oh, come on! To be fair, Sheila did warn us about this.
- Listen, you get off, love.
- Do I look all right? YES! You look lovely.
Just maybe wear a cardi.
Hey.
What are you up to? - Deleting all my social media.
- No.
You can't let them get to you.
Hm.
Your hand? Oh No, I just, erm, grazed it.
It's nothing.
Well, look, hopefully this will be an end to it, eh? Oh.
It doesn't even matter.
I just hate the thought of anybody looking at me.
Come here.
- Adam, stop, please.
Sorry.
- No, no.
It's all right.
Have you heard from Ramona? Yeah, yeah.
She emailed.
Her mother's not great.
I think that's what it said.
Typing leaves a lot to the imagination! Benjamin.
Bang on time.
Hang on.
Let him stew a minute.
- OK.
- Eh! Then a minute more.
Learn this from one of your books on management? Yeah, it's in all of them.
Another tip, don't let him intimidate you.
- He doesn't.
- I was talking to myself.
- I haven't met the guy.
- Oh, he's a weasely little man.
- Probably into S&M.
- Yes, that's good.
Visualise him as ridiculous.
Makes it much easier to negotiate.
OK.
Benjamin, hi, sorry to leave you standing on the doorstep.
I was just on a call to New York.
Isn't it the middle of the night there? Well, you know, city that never sleeps and all that.
This is David.
He's going to be sitting with us.
My ex-husband.
- Why? - Isn't that a bit personal? - We just drifted apart, didn't we? - No, why is he joining us? I'm acting as Karen's financial advisor.
Not that she needs it.
Anyone with an ounce of savvy can see what a success she's making.
Shall we? Adam, I'm gonna see it at some point! You don't want to.
Watch your girlfriend have sex with my husband? Yeah, too right, I don't! But if others have seen it, I need to.
OK.
Oh, er, you may want to turn it down.
- Can I have two flat whites, please? - Comin' up.
How's Tina taken it? Badly.
She feels violated.
- I'm sorry.
- Jeez, it's not your fault! Nor yours! We're collateral damage.
Come on.
The issues in your private life are compromising your ability to do your job! I was under pressure.
It's under control.
Anyway, with respect, it's none of your business.
It is when it's affecting business.
The company needs firm leadership.
Someone must exert control.
Crack the whip.
Instil some discipline.
And that would be you, would it? Since you have no plan to address the firm's financial woes.
The woes, as you call them, are temporary.
If you, or your backer, would inject a little more capital to tide us over, all will be well.
No, I'm dissolving the partnership.
Under the terms of our agreement, I shall buy out your shares.
I have the option to buy you out first! You can't afford to, unless you have savings stashed away.
No, I don't.
I'll find an alternative investor.
Under our terms you have a week so, good luck with that.
I'll see myself out.
Well I suppose you could ask Eddie Zubayer.
He'd do it as a favour.
No, that's why I wouldn't.
What about venture capital? - They'd want their pound of flesh.
- They can, as long as I keep control.
I'll make a few calls.
Was it, like, full-on, full-blown? Did he have any equipment? Excruciating.
Imagine, Jen, if it was you? Awful! - Yes.
- She's seen it.
- Oh, don't.
- She's devastated.
- I heard it was really explicit.
- But imagine Those are the questions people are probably asking Hello! - Hey! - Hey! Don't be late if you don't want people talking about ya.
- Don't think so! - Are you sure you weren't? Ugh, it's all right.
You and everybody else.
Obviously we've all heard about it, but I haven't seen it.
Me neither.
I mean, I was tempted.
But, hey, I've been busy.
- It's on my list.
- We're not going to.
- We're not? - No.
No.
No way.
Sisterhood.
Anyway, hasn't it been taken down? Yeah, but it's the Internet.
These things never really disappear.
It could resurface in 20 years.
By that time, I could have a child old enough to see it.
Don't worry, you'll look completely different by then.
We all do.
- Anyway, you shouldn't feel ashamed.
- I know I shouldn't, but I do.
But I'm angry because I feel ashamed.
I don't know what to do with that.
I'm SO paranoid.
I keep looking at people thinking they know.
Listen, if they do know, their looks will only be because they are WELL jealous.
They'll just wish their sex lives were that good.
Yeah.
Or that they had one at all.
Have you ever made a sex tape? No, I don't see the point.
Why watch it if you can do it? I don't even like watching film stars having sex.
- Why would I want to watch myself? - Quite.
- Thanks.
- Thanks.
You're being unusually reticent.
We did once.
- No! - What, you and Jen? Yeah.
Did it when they were all the rage.
Since when have sex tapes been all the rage? Since that Kardashian girl.
Was it Kim? Or Kendall or Kanye.
One of them sisters, yeah.
- Was it any good? - We gave it a go.
- (There ya go.
) - Mm? - Give it to me baby.
- Woof.
Let's go.
Fruits.
All right.
Ah! - Ow! - Sorry.
Hot chilli sauce.
Phew.
Oi! I'm not getting that in my crevices.
No way.
Oh! Ahh, ooh.
Ahh! Ooh! - Whoa! - Aw, what is the date on that?! - I feel sick.
- Certainly dulled my appetite.
I felt sexier taking the bins out to be honest.
Are you gonna to report Jamie to the police? Have more men ogling over it? Nope.
I'd just be happy with an apology.
Ah.
Hi.
- Listen -- - What's happened to your lip? Well, your boyfriend hit me.
Hi.
You didn't tell me you went to see Jamie.
You didn't tell me you were planning to.
I can fight my own battles.
I don't need you wading in with both fists.
- I only hit him once.
- So, you admit it? He was goading me, about your sex life.
- It's got nothing to do with you.
- Your sex life?! I think it has.
- Why did you want to go and see him? - I didn't.
He owes me an apology.
That's why I went.
Did you get one? He says he didn't post the tape online.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
You just think he's innocent? I don't know, but I do know that you're guilty of assault.
I can't believe that you did that.
OK, OK.
I accept I shouldn't have done it.
I'll apologise.
I'll send him flowers.
How do you even know where he lives? Let's not forget who the bad guy is here, huh? He's trying to drive a wedge between us.
Thanks to you, Adam, he's succeeded.
I was doing it for you! He humiliated you! No, he didn't.
Because I won't allow him to.
We were both consenting adults.
I think I look great.
I'm not ashamed.
And I won't have anybody telling me that I should feel otherwise.
You included.
That's the only venture capitalist who'd see us.
I'm sorry, Karen.
- I feel I've let you down.
- No, you did your best, David.
- Should we go for some coffee? - Yeah.
THEIRS was crap.
One introduction.
I know my name doesn't carry much weight in the city any more.
"Remanded in custody" tends to do that for you.
Venture capitalists are like the vampires of the business world.
They should be baying for new blood.
The problem wasn't yours, David.
It was mine, or at least my idea.
What was it he said? "No-one reads any more, unless the words are preceded with a hashtag.
" - Waa, waa, waa.
- I could've punched him in the face.
"Remanded in custody twice.
" That'd look even better on your CV.
So, there we are then.
Oh, I'm not beaten yet, David.
The smarmy little git's only stiffened my resolve.
I'm not sure you have that many options left.
If not the vampires, then the vultures.
The banks.
I'm going to re-mortgage my house.
- Karen, don't! - Don't you believe in me? This is my business, David.
I'm not just gonna give it to Benjamin.
I don't want to! Listen, you have to share with your brother.
- I can't sleep on the floor.
- Why not? I keep thinking spiders will crawl in my mouth! Adam, swap with your sister.
- You take the floor.
- In my own room? I don't want to sleep in his bed.
Disgusting! - Goodnight, everyone.
- Goodnight, Barbara.
- Can't I stay at a friend's house? - It's 11:00 at night! Tomorrow then, AND for the rest of my life! OK.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Can't I sleep in your bed? Mum says I need the sleep for school.
Suppose Aunt Sheila doesn't come back from Canada? - Will Gran have to live with us? - Oh You don't much like having her here, do you? I mean, I do love her.
You and me both.
The bit about having her here.
Obviously, I love her, too.
But, God, when you're my age, you don't want your crabby old mum living with ya.
- When do you think she might go home? - It's not that simple.
I'm sure you've noticed that your grandma is going a bit batty.
- The kettle on the stove? - Yeah.
- That was an accident.
- It could've burnt the house down.
Can't she have someone live with her? She'd like that.
Maybe.
That's an option.
Just, just bear with us, all right? Once it's clear if she needs help, then, we'll get it sorted.
Isn't it clear yet? Come on.
Girls need their beauty sleep.
You'd better get a lie-in tomorrow then.
Hey! I'll make you sleep with your grandma.
So, what progress have you made? Has my former accountant admitted to being a thieving toerag? Well, Danny maintains it was a misunderstanding.
Which, because of the opacity of the documentation, and as a gesture of goodwill, I've chosen to accept at face value.
I want it all repaid.
With interest.
I'm sorry, George.
I don't have it.
George, you made expectations clear when you asked me to handle this.
Fortunately as part of my MBA, I specialised in mediation, and I can tell you that we're very close to agreeing terms.
All of it, with interest, now.
If I could, I would, honest! George, as I said, I'm a highly-skilled negotiator.
I've had a bit of training, too.
Pass me that book with the big words in it.
- The thesaurus? - Yeah.
In my experience, it's all about finding the right argument.
Ooh! Pay me my money, you thieving bastard, by Friday, or you're dead.
Add on the cost of dry-cleaning the rug .
.
and get him out of here.
I'm not sure I'm talking to you.
- I'm calling to say I'm sorry.
- Don't like falling out.
It's my fault.
You know, I shouldn't have gone to see Jamie, or hit him.
Although he does have the sort of face that invites it.
I might have mentioned I was seeing him.
Suppose I knew you wouldn't be happy.
From now on, let's just tell each other everything.
Yeah.
No secrets.
- No lies.
- Yeah.
- See you tonight.
- Can't wait.
Do you fancy lunch? Erm, no, I've got a load on here.
I, I should eat at my desk.
- OK.
See you later.
- Yeah.
- Nikki.
- David.
Come in.
George isn't here.
I know.
I was hiding up the road waiting for him to leave.
I was with him earlier.
He attacked Danny! There was blood everywhere! That's how you got the bruises, isn't it? - You haven't had a nose job, have you? - I have.
Well, if you have, it was reconstructive, not cosmetic.
Oh, my God! George beats you.
No, he doesn't.
He hit me.
It's not a regular thing.
Hit you? Must've been a fist to do that damage.
He didn't believe I was opening a nail bar.
If you'd have told him it was a wine bar I might have been able to get away with it.
- I just wasn't convincing.
- I'm sorry, it's all my fault.
Typical man, thinks it's all about him.
He found out I was making provision in case I ever want to leave him.
Because of the beatings? Yes, of course, but also I'm bored, David.
Our kids have left home.
I rattle about this house.
It's like a mausoleum.
If, if it wasn't for the charities I'm involved with, I'm not sure I'd be getting out of bed every morning.
Nikki, you have to leave him! Have you decided I'm your charitable cause? I care about you.
I would for anyone in your position.
Nik! Don't.
It's fine.
Nik, where are ya?! George.
David.
I didn't see your car.
Yeah, it's in the road.
I realised I'd left my phone in your study.
Right, well, I'll be off then.
I'm sure I left my phone on here! Why don't you call it? How can I? It's my phone I'm looking for! Here.
You're in my contacts under 'Nuisance Call'.
Well, I know I'm not under 'recent calls'.
You're living with us, Mum! She's getting worse, I swear.
What, cos she's lost her phone? You do it all the time.
It's OK.
You're in denial.
Found it.
It's Jenny! Who do you think it is? Phone in the fridge.
Just sayin'.
An 'A'! Oh, I'm really pleased for you, Olivia, well done.
I'm determined to get good grades, Mum, now more than ever.
I got 300 likes.
- Ellie? - Yeah? - Have you had your essay back? - Yeah.
Well, you sound happy.
My profile picture's got 300 likes.
Well, that's an achievement of sorts.
Nice.
Are you taking out a mortgage? Well, I've been offered one.
It would enable me to buy my business back, but it's a big risk.
We could end up homeless.
I'll be at uni soon.
And I've no shortage of friends I could stay with.
Mum, you always told us to follow our dreams.
Just cos you're old doesn't mean you shouldn't.
Thanks, girls.
Sorry to interrupt.
Excuse me.
Can I give you a word of advice? Now? I'm not sure you're doing that right.
Not hearing any complaints.
You haven't heard me make any noises though, have ya? - What? - Perhaps I could help.
I do have a little more experience than you with Tina.
Possibly overall.
Doesn't matter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but erm Tina likes a little bit more confidence.
Be a bit more forward.
But at the same time holding back.
- Except with your follow through.
- Yeah.
Oh, and, what IS that thing you do with your hips? My hips? Yeah, we're gonna need to iron out that kink in your game.
It's not my golf swing we're talking about! Would it be easier if I showed you? Oh.
I think so.
Yeah, baby! No.
Is everything all right? Jesus, Adam.
Is this about the video? I've put it behind me.
Why can't you? You don't make those noises with me.
Matt is across the hall! And David.
But you never have! It's just different with you.
Worse? Better? Different.
Adam, please.
Come on.
- Just forget about it.
- No.
I don't think I can.
Well, I have to admit, it is affecting me.
The thought of my girlfriend having sex with another man.
My husband? It's tormenting me.
I think she might prefer him .
.
in THAT way.
You're complaining to ME that you think my husband is better in bed with your girlfriend than you are? I don't know what to tell you, Adam.
I don't have the breadth of her experience.
I can't compare and contrast.
You shouldn't worry.
He's not all that.
I knew he wasn't.
Anyway, that's twice she's chosen you over him.
- Twice? - Yeah.
When you two first got together and again a few weeks ago.
No, er, erm - I know she saw him last week.
- No, no, this was before that.
When she chose you, Jamie came crawling back to me.
I agreed to try and make another go of it.
And we did.
Try.
Well, at least, I did.
The beginning of last month he announces, quite out of the blue, that he can't get over her.
So he goes to see her, begs her to take him back.
She sends him packing.
I'm not gonna give him a third chance.
I'm not that crazy.
So I kicked him out, once and for all.
I imagine that's why he posted the clip.
He wanted to hurt her.
And he's hurt you, too.
I've never seen an otter doing sit-ups before.
You wanna get your dad doing a few of those! Er I I'm gonna have to call you back.
Have you left the bath running? Mum! Oh, my God! - David.
What are you doing here? - Aren't you meeting Benjamin? You ought to have me in your corner.
Wouldn't put it past him for trying something on.
Yes, if I ever need a reference, I'll remember not to come to you.
So, if I could just have your signature.
Hang on.
Hang on.
I'm sorry.
I'm a bit off the pace here.
- My assessment the last time we met.
- You've raised the money? I told you I was gonna ask the bank for a loan.
- I didn't think they'd give you one! - They must have confidence in me.
Or the value of this house! If you'd have your domestic on your own time, I'd like to get on.
David! That is so childish! We'll just print another one.
You're paying too much.
He wouldn't give you this for your share.
Well, no, because Karen herself wouldn't be part of the deal.
She'll give you half.
Alternatively, we restructure the company based on your valuation.
Each reduce your share to a third, and I become an equal partner.
Why would you do that? I need to do something with my divorce settlement.
I thought you wanted to buy somewhere.
It'll take a little longer, but repay my faith in you, and I'll buy something bigger.
Well, at that price I'd be a fool not to accept, especially if Karen no longer has a majority share.
Thank you, David.
And, erm Might I move in with you for a bit? It's a bit awkward at Adam and Tina's ever since the whole porn thing.
Oh, dear Lord! 'You have one new message.
'First new message.
'Hiya, it's me.
Full disclosure, I'm going to see Jamie.
Apparently, he has something to tell me.
I'll be home shortly.
Nothing here to see Just a kid like me Trying to cuss and see Trying to figure it out Nothing better to do When I'm stuck on you And still I'm here Trying to figure it out You're thinking the worst.
You've got it in for her! I'm trying to do the right thing! Don't attack me.
- I'm not the one with the problem! - No, I am.
I have to live with ya.
OK.
Right.
Number one, she almost set fire to the house.
- Two, she nearly caused a flood.
- No, nearly.
Almost.
But, Pete, I think she's lost the plot! She's just a little bit forgetful.
I see far worse in the home, every day.
Well, God forgive me, but maybe that's where she belongs before she hurts herself or us! - Pete, please.
- Oh, I don't know! Maybe I could make some enquiries.
Wait! What? You said Gran could have someone living with her.
Look, love, we think she needs more help than we realised.
But that wasn't her fault.
It wasn't her, it was me.
Wait, what was? I hid her phone in the fridge.
Distracted her while she was running her bath.
- There's an even better one, please! - Oh, all right.
And you did all this to make Gran look like she was doo-lally? Do you know how much trouble you're in right now? You've just been such a grump since she arrived.
I just thought if she went back home we could go back to the way we were.
- And you'd get your old room back? - That, too.
But I never meant for her to be put in a home! She'd hate that.
Chloe, love, 24-hour care is very expensive.
We'd have to sell the blinking house to pay for it.
Well, then I'd rather she stayed with us.
Oh, Go Oh, Mum! I thought you were losing it.
I think I must be.
I've lost my phone again.
Don't worry about it.
Here, Barbara.
Go on, have a sit down.
Have a cup of tea.
Here you go.
And a biscuit.
What? - Chloe? - Sorry.
Looks like you're staying with us, Gran! [Thanks for seeing me.
.]
- Adam, what are you doing here? - You said you'd be home shortly.
- Yeah.
- That was two hours ago.
- Keeps you on a tight leash, does he? - Fuck up or I'll smack you again.
- I'm ready this time.
- Really? Pack it in, the pair of ya! I know he's trying to get back with you! - What? - That's why he wanted to see you! I realised how the tape might have got out.
- Yeah, you posted it! - No, he didn't! Years ago he shared it with his mate.
Yeah, I shouldn't have.
I'm sorry.
I apologise again.
That doesn't take two hours to say! You lied.
You didn't tell me you saw him before we moved in together.
- How do you know that? - Well, I didn't tell him.
- No, no.
Sarah did! - Sarah? Adam, how do you know Jamie's wife? We work together.
She's the other grown-up.
Oh, boy.
- You didn't tell me.
- You didn't tell me! - You two sure you're suited? - Shut it, you! - Why have you been here so long!? - We were saying goodbye! I told him I didn't want to see him again.
Well, good.
Now you've done that, we can go.
Come on.
You can.
- I'll come when I'm ready.
- What? Off you go.
No-one was crying they simply got A little something in their eye No-one was lonely They just could not Get hold of anybody Over the summer, a lot changed And they all changed To keep up with it Too complicated, too complex To talk to anybody Marks to prove it Got the marks to prove it