Sabrina The Teenage Witch s07e04 Episode Script

- Morning, guys.
- Hey, Sabrina.
Wanna join us for some kickboxing? Oh, no, thanks.
I gotta go to work.
Besides, I prefer the mellower martial arts.
Like tai chi, judo or gunplay.
Oh, hey, Chip.
What's up? The whole bleeping neighborhood, thanks to your music.
Uh, sorry.
They're auditioning for the new Rockettes show.
Yeah, Rockettes Kick Butt on Ice.
I'll go turn it down.
Oh, give me a break.
It's not even loud.
And last night your pizza delivery man turned around in my driveway leaving a big oil stain.
Are you sure that's not from where you were combing your hair? We don't complain when you stand on your balcony and videotape us in our backyard.
I'm neighborhood-watch captain.
What, are you making sure nobody steals our bathing suits? Whoa, whoa, okay, time out, time out.
Can't we handle this rationally? Chip, we'll try to keep it down.
Thanks for dropping by.
See that you do.
Because I'm letting you off easy now.
Don't make me get ugly.
I'd say that ship has sailed.
Okay, well, sorry about the noise and we'll see you around the neighborhood, okay? - By the way, your roses are gorgeous.
- It's October.
They're dead.
I'm sure you did everything you could.
Bye-bye.
Way to tell him off, Sabrina.
Yeah, we didn't do anything wrong.
Why didn't you stand up to him? I know the guy's a jerk, but he lives across the street.
- It's just easier to get along with him.
- Sabrina, a history lesson.
Not too many years ago, during a little something called World War II, everyone said, "Let's just get along with this guy.
" And he nearly took over all of Europe.
That man was Rudolf Hitler.
Well, at least she knows there was a war.
No, seriously, Cole, give it back.
You're gonna break it.
Toys break, Leonard.
It's all part of playing with them.
And just between us, it's not helping your image that you care so much about a doll.
Man, that's rich.
Barbie is a doll.
Maxi-Man is an action figure.
Now give him back.
And his tights.
Good morning, Annie.
How's it going? - Why do you ask? - Just making small talk.
Make it smaller.
Hi, Annie.
Starting to grow on you, huh? Okay, people, gather up.
Assignments.
Okay, there's a street luge competition up in North Andover.
Oh, oh, I can do that.
I've street luged.
Well, actually, I slid down a snowy hill on a cafeteria tray, but I ended up in the street.
It's really a cute story.
Still growing, huh? James, you take the luge and get us some art.
Remember, a wipeout's a good shot, but a bone poking through skin's even better.
Oh.
What do I get for decapitation? Ooh, maybe if you're lucky, a cool hat.
Okay, with the new James Bond movie coming out, Aston Martin has arranged for a test drive of the new V12.
I can do that story.
I have an impeccable driving record.
I've never been in an accident.
Although there seem to be a lot around me.
Right.
Cole, you take that.
Yes.
Annie, I could give you a big kiss.
Maybe I should come along with you.
You'll need someone to scout for Smokies.
Okay, but we're not stopping at Hickory Farms.
Suddenly someone's too big for free samples.
Ladies.
Okay, Baby K2K is performing at Club Terminus.
I need someone to interview her, then cover the show.
Ooh, I'll do that.
You got it.
There's the background info.
Meeting over.
I scored a big interview.
Woo-hoo.
Wait, that was too easy.
Hey, what's the deal with Baby K2K? She's just a hip-hop singer, right? Baby K2K is foul-mouthed, confrontational and perpetually angry.
And that's just from her publicist.
Oh, yeah, she is one aggressive chick.
She was asked to leave a party at Dennis Rodman's house.
Oh, it's all just an act.
I mean, she probably pretends to be angry just to sell records.
Whoa.
Has she ever had a picture not taken by the Sheriff's Department? I've been set up.
That's it, I'm gonna go tell Annie I'm not doing it.
Not doing what? Not going to skip work to build the White House out of sugar cubes.
Sorry, Leonard, you're on your own.
Someone's stressing.
Please, I am not stressing.
Ha.
Can't a person make, you know, six dozen brownies? Yeah, if that person has pointed ears and lives in a hollow tree.
Okay, maybe I am stressing a little bit.
I've gotta do this interview with Baby K2K.
So you've heard of her.
Oh, boy.
I like it when you're stressing.
We eat really well.
Are those the Baby K2K CDs? Yep, I've got Work Release, Rap Sheet.
Coroner's Report? - That's her holiday album.
- Oh, yeah.
Santa's toe tag says "Merry Christmas.
" I'm just curious.
Aren't you afraid of doing this interview? I'm not intimidated by her.
I mean, I can stand up to anyone if I have to.
By bringing her brownies? No, these aren't for her.
Give me a break.
What kind of suck-up do you think I am? Ha, ha.
I'm bringing these to Chip.
You're taking them over to that jerk? No, well, I The man just lost his roses.
Have you no heart? I ain't believing you brought your kid up in here today.
I am sorry.
My nanny got sick.
Can't you just take the little brat to one of those places where you can just drop it off? It's hard to arrange daycare at the last minute.
Daycare? I was talking about the park.
I gotta go wash this nasty kid smell off of me.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm here to see Baby K2K.
Oh, my God, did she hurt you? No, no, no.
I'm Sabrina Spellman.
Oh, right.
Um, okay, I'll let her know you're here.
Is that a buzz? You did not just buzz me.
Uh, maybe you shouldn't have buzzed her.
Okay, just don't look her directly in the eye.
She'll charge.
I wish someone would've told me that before I decided to wear red.
Do I look like your bellhop? And what do you want? Good luck.
I'm going to hide the baby.
Is there room in that stroller for two? Uh, I'm from Scorch magazine and I wanted to ask you a few questions.
Back it up, Lois Lane.
I'm over you reporters stepping to me like you know me.
- Don't none of you all know me.
- Was I stepping to you? Because I didn't mean to be stepping to you.
Maybe on you.
No, no.
Well, I'll just step away from you.
Just ask your questions.
But don't come up here with no stupid ones because I don't play that.
Too slow.
I gotta talk to grown folks now.
What? I'm not afraid that she might strike me But I'll do better if I make her like me Okay, I gotta go now.
Bye.
Now, uh, where were we? I'm sorry.
Oh, uh, well, I was gonna ask you about your upcoming show unless that would be prying.
No, you can ask me anything.
You really seem like someone I could talk to.
Come on in.
Let's chat.
We'll order smoothies.
Woo-hoo.
Come on, Harvey.
I thought you wanted to get in shape for hockey.
I just want to work on my speed so when a fight breaks out, I skate away with my teeth intact.
Evil neighbor alert.
Whoever parked their rusted-out Corolla in front of my house, may I remind you that it's my curb? You can't park there.
That's Harvey's car.
He's our friend.
He can park there.
And what if I have a friend come over? Then he can park his imaginary car in his imaginary spot.
But be careful of imaginary street cleaning on Tuesdays.
Look, smart aleck and idiot aleck, you're gonna feel a lot differently when I call the police on you.
Keep harassing us, you're gonna wish all we did was park in front.
- Don't you threaten me.
- Why are you here still arguing? - Isn't it time to go dance with Mama? - Ha! Oh.
Hey, guys.
Hey, look at that.
She lives.
Got through a Baby K2K interview with no scratches and no bruises.
Well, not that we can see.
The emotional wounds take the longest to heal.
If they ever do.
Actually, the interview went fine.
It was rocky at first, but I found a way to charm her.
- Hey.
- Hey, James.
It's a good look for you, man.
Too bad the band was never called the Jackson 6.
Ha, ha.
You're jealous.
You're jealous because my music industry connections got me the emcee gig tonight.
You're emcee? James, my man.
Cool it, man.
Save that for the mathletes.
Oh, there's Annie.
I'm gonna go say hi.
- Hey, Annie.
- I'm on a date.
Does he know that? I'm Sabrina.
He doesn't speak.
That's why I like him.
All right.
Who's ready to get their party on? Listen up, if you got a weak heart, you better call 911 right now because it's about to get dangerous up in here.
She's mean.
She's bad.
She's nasty.
Baby K2K! We've only just begun to live White lace and promises Any idea what this is about? It's a tender tribute to a new marriage, really.
The music choice, it's, uh It's so not her.
You know, normally the rappers scare me, but this is quite enjoyable.
Was she like this during your interview with her? She was nice, if that's what you mean.
- Did you drug her? - No.
Did you get her off drugs? We just talked and we hit it off.
I even did my Marcia Brady impression for her.
Yeah.
She found it really funny.
I want that article on my desk tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow? But Save the whining for your birthday party.
Tomorrow morning on my desk, got it? Whoa.
Back it up, bosszilla.
Do I look like someone - who wants to be working all night? - Pardon me? I'm up here trying to get my groove on and I got you up in my grill, sweating me about some article for your funky little rag.
- Well, sorry, I don't play that.
- Forget the article.
I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning.
- Did I just say what I think I said? - Uh-huh.
Where did that come from? We smile Oh, I think I know where that came from.
All I can figure is that somehow Baby K2K and I switched personalities.
What do you mean, "somehow"? Did you cast a spell? No.
Well, maybe a little one.
But believe me, you would have too.
- She was scary.
- How scary? Remember our class trip to the hot-dog factory? So, what was the spell? Nothing, really.
I just said to make her like me.
Oh, my God, I wanted her to like me, not become like me.
And somehow I ended up like her.
Except without the money and fame.
Well, it happened, so just apologize to your boss and she'll forget it.
Annie doesn't forget things.
- Well, thank you very much.
- What? Would it kill you to save one brownie for the cat? What good is Seafood Fancy Feast without dessert? - Sorry, Salem.
- Sorry? Well, sorry doesn't have walnuts, does it? Do I look like someone who's running a kitty kitchen? I'll sell your smelly carcass to the puppet show, - you overfed fat ferret.
- Ahh! It has not gone away.
I don't know what makes this happen, but I have to fix it.
I'm gonna call Spell-Check.
This is Bob at Bob's Spell-Check.
If you need help with a spell, leave a message.
spell Oh, wait a minute.
I don't speak Spanish.
Hi, Bob, this is Sabrina, I need help.
Come as quick as you can.
Wow, he's fast.
Oh, hi, neighbor.
Well, if it isn't Chip the dip.
Funny.
Let's see if you can laugh this off.
I'm taking you to small-claims court.
- What for? - I think you know.
Roxie, what did you do? Okay, okay, I snuck into his yard and I I mixed his plastic recyclables with his glass.
Roxie, Roxie.
It's not too late to turn back from this life of crime.
What on Earth are you two talking about? You scratched the word "loser" in my car.
What? I did not.
Although it would be truth in advertising.
What's going on? Something about crime and court and I wasn't following.
I was playing with a ball of spit on my tongue.
See you in court.
Okay, everybody stay calm.
We can handle this.
It's gonna take more than brownies, but I'll make pecan sandies.
Cookie's aren't gonna do it.
That's why I need you to come with me to court and be a witness.
Don't worry.
We'll all be there to support you.
Oh, absolutely.
I hope you get Judge Reinhold.
I think he's cute.
Don't worry.
I'll be there to support you.
Yeah, I'll understand, Morgan, if you have an appointment or break a nail.
Oh, by the way, Sabrina, you left a wet towel on the bathroom floor.
Oh, well, I've been kind of preoccupied, Morgan.
- I'll get to it later.
- Excuse me.
Later means moldy grout.
How hard is it just to throw it in the hamper? Do I look like your cleaning lady? What, are those painted on? Why don't you pick it up, Princess Lay-Around.
Well You know, you shouldn't talk to me like that.
I am a kickboxer and you are lucky that I don't have my music on.
Oh, man, this is getting out of hand.
Well, she did kind of get in your face.
So did Salem.
And so did Annie, that's it.
Every time someone pushes me a little too far, I switch into Baby K2K's personality.
Oh, man, I'm late for work.
Hey, wait.
What are you gonna do about your boss? I'm just gonna have to get in, apologize and get out before she sets me off.
If that doesn't work, I'll kiss her.
By the time she's recovers, I'll be in Canada.
Hey, morning, Sabrina.
Notice how I said "morning"? Not good, not bad.
That's your call.
No need to get violent over it.
Okay, I can explain, okay? I got a little cranky with Annie because I was up late the night before.
Oh.
Right, I'm sure.
You must have been up till, what, jive o'clock? I've never heard you talk like that before.
You should be careful doing all that, you could get a serious neck injury.
Oh, that's just the way Annie and I talk to each other.
You know, we're like sisters.
You know, we're like: Go sister, soul sister Gitchy, gitchy Blah-blah-blah.
Listen, uh, Sabrina, Annie's looking for you.
Oh, I know, Leonard.
No, she wants to see you pronto.
Yeah, I got it.
I'm just gonna grab a cup of coffee.
Oh, no, let me make this clear.
Annie gave me a direct order to tell you to come see her.
So if you don't go see her, I'm the one who gets my action figures broken.
Now get in there.
Okay, back it up, doll boy.
Do I look like someone who cares what happens to your silly toy collection? Here, let me show you how much I care.
What's up, dude? Oh.
Now Maxi-Man can get the good parking space.
- Oh, no.
- I was so wrong about you.
Bob's Spell-Check.
Someone here having problems with their magic? Magic 8 Ball, yeah.
Mine keeps saying "Ask again later.
" It's out here.
Bob, you can't just pop in.
Oh, right, like I'm gonna drive in Boston.
Look, I cast a spell to make someone like me, but she became just like me.
- Syntax error.
- Plus, I've taken on her traits.
Ooh.
Well, that one may take some time.
No, no, I don't have any time.
You've gotta put it back the way it was.
Go, go.
What do the words "right away" mean in the hood? Because where I come from it means "right now.
" Immediately, not when the mood strikes.
Do you understand what I'm saying? - Hey, Roxie, what are you doing? - Trying to find CourtTV.
I'm doing some last-minute cramming before my case tomorrow.
I wanted to talk to you about that.
Hey, look, there's your friend Baby K2K.
In light of her recent behavior, an army of paparazzi has surrounded her home, hoping to catch a glimpse of the notoriously prickly star.
How long have you guys been out here? Well, come on in.
I made some brownies and if you don't like those, go on, girl, I'll make some pecan sandies.
Y'all like pecan sandies? No wonder you guys hit it off.
She reminds me of you.
Come on, I'm not that eager to please.
- Am I? - You can't help it.
You'll do anything to avoid confrontation.
That is not true, but I don't want to get into it.
Sabrina, you don't have a mean word to say about anybody.
That's why you're my main character witness.
Roxie, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
- I can't testify for you.
- Why not? Trust me, it wouldn't be a good idea.
I can't explain.
I know what this is about.
You think I keyed that guy's car.
No way, Roxie.
L Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, friend.
So it isn't just me.
You're turning on everyone.
Salem, you see what's been happening to me.
If I were to lose it in a courtroom, I could mess things up for Roxie.
Hey, it's small-claims court.
What's the worst that could happen? She gets sent up the river to the small house? I'm sorry, I feel bad for her.
Miss King has absolutely no consideration for the rights of others.
She needs to be punished for the good of the community.
Hey, Matlock, this is small-claims court.
Crank it down to about a five.
Miss King, did you scratch his car? No, I'd never key a guy's car.
Unless I was dating him.
Your Honor, this woman has been constantly abusive to me.
Is that true, Miss King? Not really.
Well, kind of.
Uh, sometimes.
Do you like brownies? Sabrina, what are you doing here? Oh, this is so frustrating.
That jerk is shredding Roxie in there, and it's ridiculous.
She would never scratch anyone's car.
I mean, she gets goose bumps just sliding a chair across linoleum.
Why don't you go in and help? I can't.
The spell hasn't been lifted yet.
Miss, you can't stand in front of these doors.
- But my friend - Are you deaf? You either come in or stay away from the doors.
Now move.
Uh-oh.
Stand back, Sabrina Spellman in the house.
- What is going on? - I'd like to call my character witness.
Your Honor, this man is a neighborhood menace.
He's rude, he's obnoxious, and I'm guessing his roses didn't die, they took their own lives.
What do you think you're doing? Testifying, Your Honor.
Does this woman look like a vandal? No.
Does this man look like a crotchety old crank? No, but he is.
He's a peeping Tom who doesn't like music, children or dogs.
And he is the reason that the ice-cream man doesn't come to our neighborhood anymore.
Isn't that right, sir? How many times can any human being listen to "It's a Small World"? All right, quiet.
You, young lady, have to control your attitude.
- Thank you.
- And you, pencil neck, need to stop complaining to your neighbors about every little thing and accusing people willy-nilly.
It could have been anyone who scratched your car.
In fact, if I lived next to a jerk like you, I might have done it too.
Case dismissed.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Hey, what are friends for? But if it turns out you poisoned his rose bushes, I don't know you.
Oh, here you are.
Sorry it took so long.
Don't worry about it.
Lift the spell already.
What do you mean? I fixed it an hour ago.
- Sign here.
- But That other girl's spell should be winding down any minute.
Do you want me to read it again, sweetie? Do I look like I want to read it again? I am not LeVar Burton, and this is not Reading Rainbow.
Okay, that should do it.
Here's my card.
Don't forget, I also fix faulty hexes, potions and garbage disposals.
One thing I can't figure out.
If the spell was lifted, what just happened here? I guess it was all me.
It turns out if I really want to and my friends are on the line, I can kick some serious butt.
Yeah, that felt good.
I was smoking.
I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
Annie, I just wanted to say I'm sorry I had to bail on the Baby K2K story.
That's it? You're not gonna get all up in my face and snap your witty street talk at me? No, and, you know, I feel really awful about that too.
Oh, that's too bad.
I thought you might have been getting interesting.
You know, a word of advice, find a personality and stick with it.
I don't know what makes her think she's all that.