Charmed s07e05 Episode Script

Good morning, sir.
This is ridiculous.
|We need more than ten cases of beer.
We can't keep doing this, Phoebe,|because Piper and I actually have lives.
Call Phil at the Beauty Bar.
He'll|lend you a couple of cases of beer.
No, I haven't seen a demon, or half|demon, or whatever the hell he is.
Demon fighting is important, but you,|missy, are at home doing research.
Piper and I are here on the front lines.
- I gotta go.
|- Bye.
Why is it every time Phoebe runs away|from a guy that we actually pay for it? She sleeps with Leslie|and she's got us chasing demons all over town, while P3 falls apart.
She has to get her powers back.
|We can't keep picking up the slack.
I wish the demon|would hurry up and attack.
It's okay.
I cast a protection spell on|the innocents.
It should be all right.
- Excuse me? You did what?|- I cast a protection spell.
Because we can't keep|watching 'em all the time.
Protection spells backfire,|that's why we don't use them.
Don't worry.
I got the spell from my|best grad student.
I'm all over it.
Well, it better be,|because the chaplain's on the move.
He's going in alone.
|Come on.
Put that down.
I have to put my shoes on.
Come to pray, have you, Arthur? Who's that? Kevin? - That's actually my human name.
|- Human? - What? What's happened?|- This? It's just a little ritual I've been|performing to reveal who I truly am, or who I hope to be soon.
- What are you talking about?|- My real name is Sirk, from my father's side.
|He was a demon.
And I will be complete, as soon as I have eliminated|the last of my human lineage.
And that's where you come in.
Ouch.
Well, that really stings! How many powers does this guy have? - Arthur, get down!|- What? Fireball! Nice protection spell, sis.
How did this happen? Actually, we're not really sure.
Would you mind covering up?|It's a little unnerving.
How am I still alive? You see,|I kinda cast a protection spell.
- You cast a what?|- Already been there, done that.
A spell? Yeah, but the spell she cast|was clearly a very, very bad idea.
I had to do something.
We couldn't sit and wait|for demons to attack, because Piper and I actually have lives.
- Don't drag me into this.
|- What? We agreed the only reason we are|out hunting for demons constantly is because Phoebe won't deal|with her Leslie issues.
Wait, I have Leslie issues? Okay, we have issues right now|with the chaplain.
I have to get out of here.
|I gotta find my wife.
Paige, would you mind? Can't have him running around|San Francisco like that with Agent Brody snooping around.
What are you people? We're witches.
It's okay.
Just relax.
Look, my spell got us into this mess,|I'll figure out a way to reverse it.
I'll add it to the list of things|I have to do at Magic School.
Can you tell me if I'm alive or dead? Well, the thing is We're not really sure.
I might be able to answer that question.
And you would be? I'm the Angel of Death.
I knew your sister, your mother,|of course, and your grandmother.
- We get the point.
What do you want?|- Do you kill people? No, Paige, I don't kill.
I merely claim the souls of those|who have already died.
And you're here for who now? Oh, don't worry.
Not any of you.
No, this time, I'm here for him.
The problem is, I don't seem|to be able to claim his soul yet, even though he's dead.
It's fascinating, really.
|I've never had this problem before.
Any ideas why now? I cast a spell.
A spell?|You trapped his soul with a spell? - It wasn't intentional.
|- Reverse it now.
Hey, listen, tall dark one, if we give you him,|the demon gets what he wants.
Then we won't be able to stop the demon.
You don't understand.
People have to die in order,|according to my list.
Otherwise,|the cosmic balance is thrown off.
Give us some time to figure out|what to do with the demon.
The demon is not my concern.
|I'm neutral.
All I care about|is maintaining the Grand Design, but in order to do that, I must|claim the soul of the chaplain soon.
I'll be back.
Okay, this is what we're gonna do.
No, we are not doing anything|until you deal with Leslie.
Paige, are you crazy?|There's a demon on the loose! Right, but you're|not dealing with it, we are, - because you don't have active powers.
|- Oh, this is ridiculous! Look, all I know is that since|you slept with the fellow, all you've been talking about|is demons and vanquishings and See, the thing is that Piper and I|have lives.
We're not on sabbatical.
- Okay, so, what do you want me to do?|- Talk to Leslie! Fine.
I will talk to him.
Paige, you figure out a way|to reverse your spell.
Piper, you work on the vanquishing|potion and take care of that innocent.
- I'm gonna go talk to Leslie.
|- Good luck.
Okay, I think you should go let|the Elders know what's going on.
I don't know if I can|keep facing them, Piper.
Yes, you can, Leo.
|You did great last time, and we really need you|to do this.
Please? Oh, great! Call it.
Time of death: 11.
35am.
- 11.
35am.
I'll make a note of it.
|- It's your time.
Get his wallet and ID,|find out what happened - from the paramedics.
|- Right away, Doctor.
- I can't move.
|- What do you mean? Your time has come.
Now free yourself! Doctor! How in the world? Looks like we both have a problem.
How is it that you see me, demon? Simple.
With each life I take,|I absorb whatever gifts they have.
You can have your gifts.
|I just want my souls.
And I want you to have them.
That's why I'm here, to help.
The witches really screwed up|the natural order.
The witches stopped one death|with their spell, that's all.
No, no, no, no, no.
|They've stopped many deaths, just like the one in there.
Don't you see it? By messing with the Grand Design,|they've created a bottleneck, one where death literally ceases.
That's the only explanation.
Perhaps by combining|our vast array of gifts, you can learn how to reverse|the protection spell yourself.
Then we can both just move on.
You can do it.
You can do it.
Come on.
I can't do it.
Gotta go.
Phoebe, where have you been?|I've been calling you for days.
Hey! Yeah, well, you know, I'm just I'm so busy, Les.
You know me, busy little bee.
Wait, weren't you? Weren't you going in? No.
Actually, I was|I was coming I was coming out.
Okay, I'll call ya.
Well, no, you won't.
|You're You're avoiding me.
I am not avoiding you.
Okay, maybe Maybe I'm avoiding you, but it's just|It's just a very, very little bit.
Are you sorry about|what we did upstairs? Is? No.
No, I mean, you know, it was great.
I mean, of course I'm not sorry.
You know, but, I just I don't know.
I think that maybe I feel|like we don't really know each other.
Look, Phoebe,|what happened was was great.
- Yeah.
|- We We didn't do anything wrong.
I know.
I just I don't know if I'm ready for this.
Whatever this could potentially be.
|I mean, I don't I don't know if I'm ready for it.
Because of me|or because you're in trouble? What do you mean, "trouble"? Some cop came by yesterday|asking questions about you, FBI or something.
What was his name? Brody.
Agent Brody.
I don't know|what you want with me, Brody.
All right, clearly you want|to say something to me.
So, go ahead, pretend I'm not a Fed.
No ranks.
I don't want to end up|like Inspector Sheridan, okay? Look I got kids.
Sheridan.
She got transferred|to another district, that's all.
I saw you shoot her in the neck|with a tranquilizer dart.
- She's fine, trust me.
|- That's just it, I don't.
You're gonna have to, because I'm gonna|need your help to get to the Halliwells.
Not this again.
No.
What? You don't even know|what I want with them.
No, and I don't want to know.
Look, the sisters and I may not|be getting along well right now, but I sure as hell|don't wish them any harm.
I'm not gonna harm them.
|I just need their help.
With what? With something.
You know, if I wanted to harm them, I would have let Sheridan bust them,|expose them.
I have been on a trail for years|that has just now led me to them.
And as soon as they know|that I know that they're magical, that I'm not a threat to them,|they're gonna have to help me.
So unless you want to get transferred|like Sheridan, I suggest you help me.
- Harriet!|- Oh, Arty.
Goodness, I didn't see you there.
|What are you doing here? You don't look so well.
Don't worry about me.
|Listen, there's not a lot of time.
- Are you getting sick?|- No, I'm There's just so much|I want to say to you, so much I have to say to you.
- I just wanted to see you.
|- Arty, you're scaring me.
Do you have the keys|to the safety deposit box? - Of course I do.
|- Well, everything's in there.
Just in case something|should happen to me.
You know, I kinda worry|about stuff like that.
Arty, I'm kinda late for the doctor's.
Well, go, go, go.
Are you gonna be home for dinner? Probably not.
I love you.
I love you too.
Arthur.
I've been looking all over for you.
Hey.
Would you please tell me|you found a way to reverse the spell? Not without losing the chaplain,|which means the demon Will become whole, I know.
Honestly,|he scares me a hell of a lot less than the Angel of Death does right now.
|If I don't find the chaplain What do you mean find him? He ran off and I can't find him|because your spell is protecting him or at least it was.
- You didn't lift the spell?|- No, I told you I didn't.
Then who did? What have you done? What I should have done|in the first place.
I reversed your spell|and took the chaplain's soul.
And you helped a demon in the process.
On the contrary, your demon helped me.
You can't do that,|you're supposed to be neutral.
Circumstances were unusual.
Your spell had unforeseen consequences.
What kind of consequences? People have to die|in the order on my list.
If one person doesn't, all death ceases.
Now I have to work overtime to collect|the souls I've been unable to claim, to undo the damage you've done|to the Grand Design.
Damage? We've done more than almost|anyone to protect your Grand Design.
We should just leave it.
|We still have a demon to go after.
We've given up a lot|to make sure you have less work.
I have two kids and a business, and|I still find time to fight demons too.
It's not our fault you can't keep up! That isn't my problem.
Well, it sure as hell isn't my problem! - Stop yelling at Death!|- I don't care.
He's getting on my last nerve.
You witches created this mess, not me.
But you're going to help me clean it up.
- Piper!|- What happened? - I don't know, she just fell.
|- Call 911.
What's going on? Oh, no! I told you I need your help.
- What did you do to me?|- It's a practical matter.
If you're alive, you won't be able|to help with the backlog, to take souls to where they have to go.
No.
Hold it, buddy, if you Do your job and I'll return your soul.
I suggest you get going.
You've a lot of catching up to do.
Well, do something.
What do you want me to do? It's easy for you to say,|dude, you're dead! That's just crazy,|'cause I'm not supposed to be.
What are you yelling at me for?|Not my issue! - Excuse me, miss?|- Yes? - Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
|- It's okay.
Could you sound|a little more upset, please? I mean, it's really sad.
I feel like my sister's spirit|is around me.
Of course.
|Now, earlier you told the officer that you two were walking by|and your sister just fell.
No warning, nothing? Yeah, no no warning.
You didn't happen to notice the body|in the alley there, did you? - No, I didn't.
|- Forensics is done.
We're gonna take the bodies,|if it's okay with you.
Go ahead.
Where are they taking me? Where are you taking her? The morgue.
After the autopsy,|we'll release your sister's body to you.
Oh, no, no, they can't do that,|they can't do that! Stop yelling in my ear!|No No, you can't do an autopsy because, you see,|it's against our religion.
I'm sorry.
This is a murder investigation.
|State law.
If you think of anything that might|be able to help, please give us a call.
Okay, starting to panic.
Oh, no.
Oh, no? What is it? What could be more "oh, no" than they're|taking my body away for an autopsy? Agent Brody.
- Yeah.
|- What's he doing here? Probably watching me talk to myself.
Paige, where have you been,|I was worried! Actually, I - Did you reverse the spell?|- No.
But someone has.
Wait a minute, missy.
What's going on? Where's Piper? Whoa! Whoa! How'd you do?|What are you wearing? - You didn't tell her.
|- No.
- Okay, fine.
Piper's dead.
|- What? I'm not dead, I'm Death, as if my life|wasn't busy enough already.
- What?|- Okay, long story short Death has temporarily|recruited Piper.
And now I have to collect|all the souls on this list before the coroner|starts cutting up my body.
- Cutting up your body?|- Autopsy.
Why are these names changing? - Maybe we should call Leo.
|- We should call Death.
Does this mean the demon's|working at full force? - If he is, why hasn't he attacked?|- Excuse me! Can we focus on the person|with the non-dead problem over here? - Let me see that list.
|- Well, it So Sirk was killing his family|members to become full demon, right? So that would mean he'd have|to get rid of his human soul.
If he succeeded, Sirk's name would be|on the dead list, right? And it is not.
That would mean he has|a family member alive somewhere.
So we just track down|that person before he does.
Excuse me.
I have souls to collect.
Where did she go? You scared me.
I scared you? Who are you|and what's happening? Well, I think you might actually be, you know, dead.
I know.
Bummer, huh? Are you here to take me away? I don't know.
I think so.
See, I'm kinda new at this.
What's happening? Good question.
Where does that go? I'm not sure, but I think|I'm supposed to take you in there.
What do you say? If it makes you feel any better,|I'm a little scared too.
You lied to me! I'm a seer.
Hello, I saw that coming.
I did everything you said.
I killed every last member of my family, and yet, still, I'm part human.
So just 'cause I can see the future,|it must be my fault? Give me an answer! Relax.
Did you kill|all of your blood relatives? Yes.
Every last little one? You want to join 'em? You'd think since|your first threat failed so miserably, you'd be a little bit nicer to me.
|You've obviously missed somebody.
There has to be another.
Nice.
It's unclear whether|the death of Piper Halliwell is related to the death of Arthur Casey.
Police insist every possibility|is being investigated.
More on this story at 11.
- This is really bad.
|- Leo, relax, Piper's been dead before.
Not like this, not on the midday news.
|What if the kids find out? - They're at Magic School.
|- We're very sorry too.
Thanks for your condolences.
Bye.
Okay, I think this is too big|for even us to cover up.
- What about the Cleaners?|- They won't help, not after last time.
If Piper wakes up in the morgue,|you have to explain it.
So, what are we gonna do? Well, we'll figure something out.
|We always do.
We have to find the demon|before he kills another relative.
Okay, I'm gonna call Darryl to see if|I can get him to postpone the autopsy.
I'm gonna go to Magic School|and stay with the kids.
All right.
Now what? Leslie! Hold on! I thought you dealt with him? No, I said I saw him.
|I did not say I dealt with him.
Get rid of him because we have|a little bit going on right now, okay? I just can't believe it!|You've gotta be in shock.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I am, but things happen, you know? I just don't understand.
I mean,|was Piper? Was she even sick? No, she wasn't.
It was all very sudden.
You sure are handling this awfully well.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm okay.
It's hard, but I'm trying|to stay strong for Paige.
Oh, I I understand.
There's just so much to do.
Well, can I help with anything? I don't even know where to start.
Well, it's always good to start|with people you need to contact.
I could help make a list.
Wait, what did you just say? Make a list.
You know,|friends, family, people like that.
Phoebe, can we talk? Yes.
Just one second.
Thank you so much for coming by.
I thought I was gonna help you|make a list and I just really need to spend|some time with my sister.
Of course.
- Just call me if you need anything.
|- I will.
I will, definitely.
Thanks.
Okay, bye! Bye.
- I struck out with Darryl.
|- Doesn't matter.
I know how to find out|who the demon's going after.
- How?|- Piper's list.
The name will be on it.
Harriet? Do I know you? We've never met.
|I'm Arthur's cousin, Kevin.
But you can call me Sirk.
So it's true.
You are gonna be a mother.
- How did you know?|- I have many gifts.
And unfortunately for you,|I just need one more.
Oh, no, you can't interfere.
|You're neutral.
You're right.
I can't.
But they can.
Come on.
It's okay, you're going to be all right.
- So, how did you?|- Know? I saw her name on the list.
But it's not there any more.
It will be again.
One way or another.
Wait, so now you don't want me|to help you vanquish the demon? - I don't understand.
|- Phoebe, that's not the issue.
Names come and go off that list|all the time.
Harriet's did.
So, what's the big deal? Sometimes the names|don't come off the list.
- Well, ours does.
|- Not always.
- How's it going?|- She's resting.
It's a lot to swallow.
Your husband's dead, magic exists|and, by the way, a demon's after you.
- How are you holding up?|- Fine, once Phoebe realises that|she's better off here where she's safe.
Oh, there they go again.
We've cheated death before,|so why can't we do it again? Because we can't this time.
I can't.
Maybe you should just listen to her.
Maybe she should focus on collecting|the souls, so her death isn't permanent.
- This is going nowhere.
|- Where are you going? I'm not in the mood|to lose another sister.
- So, what's our next move?|- Our next move is for you to stay here.
You are on top of the list,|you have no powers and Leo and I are gonna take care of|the demon.
You just need to accept it.
I'm not doing this any more.
|I give up, I quit.
You can't quit, Piper.
Not until you catch up.
You can't make me take|my sister's soul.
I won't do it.
We don't get|to decide who lives or dies.
Only circumstances|can change someone's fate.
Well, then I won't collect|any more souls.
I'll go on strike.
So to save your sister,|you would threaten to stop all death? - You got it.
|- That's rather selfish of you.
Unless, of course,|you think that death is pointless.
- Well, I|- It's not, you know.
Far from it.
Life only has meaning specifically|because there is an end.
Death is what forces people to live.
Yes, but Which means that ending death|effectively ends life.
Throws off the entire cosmic design.
The whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life? This is bigger than your sister, Piper.
Much bigger.
- You get the records?|- Yes, Doctor.
The sisters had Death's list.
|They knew who I was trying to kill.
And you knew|about the woman's unborn child.
Foreknowledge is a bitch sometimes.
But it didn't help me.
I was so close|to losing this foul human soul, but the Charmed Ones still thwart me.
Well, they are the Charmed Ones.
|They're pretty good with the thwarting.
I want to peel the flesh|from their bones while they still live! Okay, just because we're demons doesn't|mean we always have to be so "eww".
Tell me how to defeat them.
And you'll stop with the gross|flesh-peely talk? Because there is an old seer's trick|that might be able to help you here.
- Like you helped last time?|- Hey.
Premonitions don't come|with a guarantee, okay? Do you want my help or not? See, whenever someone knows the future, you can always get the drop on them|by knowing the future too.
So, you can change it.
- Where's Phoebe?|- She's back at Magic School.
But she's still on my list.
|And she's next.
- What happened with the Angel of Death?|- He's stubborn.
- Did you find Sirk?|- No, he found us telepathically.
He wants to call a truce.
It's a trap.
We need to keep Phoebe|at Magic School long enough It's too late.
Phoebe, what are you doing here? Remembering what we're all about.
- What we're about is keeping you alive.
|- Not at the expense of an innocent.
This death thing might not be|very real to you, but it is to me.
I've seen it.
I am it.
We've all seen it,|and it's never stopped us before.
That's before we knew|you were next on the list.
Why are you not listening to me? Because this isn't just about me.
Look, I don't want to die,|but I'm not gonna sit around and wait for an innocent to die either.
And I think that's why|I needed to take that sabbatical, to remind myself of that.
Are you finished|with the vanquishing potion? - Well, yeah, but|- Paige, he doesn't know we know.
We're gonna use this to our advantage.
When he focuses on me,|you just focus on him.
Interesting.
I was expecting more of a family affair, like perhaps your other sister.
You wanted to discuss a truce? Discuss.
All right.
Here's the offer.
You give me my cousin's wife, and I won't kill you.
That's it? That's your offer, huh? No deal.
Forget it.
In that case,|I guess I'll just have to kill her.
Didn't see that coming, did ya? Why isn't it working? We're too late.
What do you mean? What's going on? Why am I in this? Piper, do something! I can't.
Piper, you can't do this.
|You can't take her.
Do you think I want to?|I don't have a choice.
Yes, you do, just don't take her.
|Take me instead.
- That's not how it works, Phoebe.
|- I wasn't on the list.
Circumstances changed.
Yeah, because I changed them!|It's not her fault.
It's not anybody's fault.
This isn't good, right? I'm so sorry, Paige.
It's much easier if you just let go.
Where does that go? To where you're supposed to go.
Don't be afraid.
|I'll be with you the whole way.
This can't be happening.
This can't be|happening.
This can't be happening.
- I think I just had a premonition.
|- What? How? I don't know, I must have|earned back my powers somehow, or at least one of 'em.
We have to save Harriet.
How did you get in here?|She told me it was Protected? Oh, it is,|from demons, not witches.
That's just another little gift I picked|up when I killed one of the sisters.
Paige, I think her name was.
Do say hello to her for me, won't you? I'm human! Interesting how our paths|keep crossing, isn't it? - What happened?|- Come.
Not so fast.
I want Paige's soul back.
Sorry, you know the rules.
Yeah, I do, better than you think.
|Check your list.
He's not on it.
We changed the circumstances.
First you want to stop a soul|from moving on, - and now you want to add one.
|- Not add, trade.
His soul for Paige's.
This is unprecedented.
What? You can't do that.
Keeps your precious cosmic balance|in order.
What have you got to lose? You can't be taking her seriously.
Dude, you're dead!|Start acting the part.
This has been quite|a remarkable day, even for me.
So, what do you say? Do we have a deal? Piper I have something to tell you.
|- Paige.
You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it, but it's in my closet.
And those earrings you liked, I borrowed them and never gave 'em back.
You're stalling.
I know.
But you can't blame a girl for trying.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Your sister made a trade.
See you.
Talk about your miracle recoveries.
What are you doing here? Confirming my suspicions.
Confirming that magic really does exist, even though I don't|quite understand it yet.
What do you want? I want to help you get out of this mess.
I want to tell the authorities|you were working undercover to help solve the chaplain murder.
I want to tell them that I asked you|to fake your own death.
What's the catch? The catch is that I'm going to need|your help with something even greater.
I'll be in touch.
Oh, forget this.
You didn't just see all that, did you? It's probably what I looked like|yesterday at the elevator.
Good.
So we're even? Even.
So So let me get this straight.
Your sister owns a nightclub, but she also moonlights|as a government agent? Yeah.
Kinda weird, huh? And how often does she do that? Oh, not often at all.
I mean I mean, you know, that was just|a one-time thing, very unique situation.
Well, at least that explains|why that Fed was looking for you and why you weren't broken up|when I came to see you.
Yeah, I wanted to tell you, but No, look, I understand.
And I really appreciate you coming by|to see if I was okay.
That was sweet.
I care about you, Phoebe a lot.
I like you too.
I I just don't know|where we go from here.
Neither do I.
Maybe we should|just see where it takes us.
I'd like that.
You want anything? No, just this.